Monthly Archives: May 2010I promise this is the last time I will change the domain name for this blog. It’s now http://conscious-transitions.com but the other URLs will work as well. Thank you! Bookmark on DeliciousDigg this postRecommend on Facebookshare via RedditShare with StumblersTweet about itSubscribe to the comments on this post  In response to the queries from my clients and others who find their way to my work, I have started a new category on this blog called “Rituals and Symbols”. Here, I’ll offer rituals that can help create the meaning and community that we all long for during transitions and elucidate on the symbols that inform our rites of passages. Bookmark on DeliciousDigg this postRecommend on Facebookshare via RedditShare with StumblersTweet about itSubscribe to the comments on this post 3 comments 
June 24, 2010 - 8:13 am
[...] of weeks, I’ll be publishing several posts on meaningful rituals. Please read the initial post on rituals before reading the specific ideas for ways to incorporate a ritual into your ceremony. Although [...]
June 29, 2010 - 7:52 am
[...] of weeks, I’ll be publishing several posts on meaningful rituals. Please read the initial post on rituals before reading the specific ideas for ways to incorporate a ritual into your ceremony. Although [...]
July 1, 2010 - 10:42 am
[...] of weeks, I’ll be publishing several posts on meaningful rituals. Please read the initial post on rituals before reading the specific ideas for ways to incorporate a ritual into your ceremony. Although [...]  There are transitional times in a day, a week, a month, and a year. These are times when the ordinary boundaries of time and space are loosened and we’re offered portals into the unconscious and intuitive realms. My husband refers to dawn and dusk as “the magic hours.” If we believed in fairies and elves, this is when they would appear. When we slow ourselves down and attune, we see what fairies and elves metaphorically represent: symbols from the unconscious. When we pay attention, the portal opens and wisdom walks through. It’s as if day and night are two pieces of fabric, and dusk and dawn are the seams where they’re stitched together. If you hold the fabric up to the sky, it’s difficult to discern light. But if you hold it up at the seams, the light shines through. Perhaps that’s why we’re so moved by sunrises and sunsets.… Click here to continue reading… no comments  During one of our trains-passing-in-the-night-during-bedtime-rituals moments, my husband, Daev, said to me, “I know you don’t watch Lost, but I just watched the finale and I finally understand what it’s about.” “What?” “Transitions.” “Will you write a guest blog about it?” Here it is… *** After six seasons, LOST has drawn to a close. If you’re like me, you may have gone into the last show hoping for answers to the many mysteries of the island. My expectations of being disappointed were replaced as the show drew to a close and I felt closure for these people on their journeys. This is something I had not expected. My sister, Luci, pointed out that she cried when each character “got it”, and as the show ended I started to get it too; I saw how much this show is about lost souls and about life transitions. I think of the once… Click here to continue reading… 1 comment 
July 5, 2010 - 11:21 am
Beautiful writing and the interpretation of Lost was also. I watched most of it, at times drawn to the themes but at others, the “cheesiness” I couldn’t manage. The last month where they reviewed the themes over caught my attention more and my emotions became more evident as I connected more with the story. I am only 6 months out from losing my mother and becoming the “head of the family”, 4 months from becoming a grandmother, and now closer to losing my father as I also transition into the adult he no longer can be and the transitions of each of these has taken it’s toll. I am going through all of the feelings, only indirectly as I am now realizing my anger at present day things isn’t really what the rage is about. I have grabbed at anything I can to understand the “light”, reading “Saved by the Light” and now “Conversations with God” and the realizations that come with these about being the best I can be, being “Who I want to be”. To watch the struggles on lost and the ending where they all connect was sad, yet profound for me. Thank you for your thoughts and insights. One of the most debilitating topics that my clients struggle with is that they have difficulty distinguishing between the truth and the thoughts that their fear-based minds shoot into their heads. For example, a client wrote to me last week and said that every time she’s about to tell her fiance that she loves him, a voice interrupts her that says, “You don’t really love him.” With her wedding on the horizon, this is understandably a distressing thought to have several times a day, and it’s left her, of course, wondering if it’s true. It’s not true. She loves her fiance. He – like almost every fiance I hear about – is loving, kind, honest, responsible, and loves her completely. He’ll make a wonderful husband and a good father. So why the thought? Love is scary. Transitions are scary. Our minds, which are full of fear, will shoot little fear-dipped… Click here to continue reading… 17 comments 
May 27, 2010 - 6:17 pm
LOVE this post 
June 3, 2010 - 9:13 am
This post is extremely helpful. “Unwanted thoughts” caused by fear are probably what I struggle with most. 
July 28, 2010 - 1:36 am
Well…4 days until my wedding…any last minute tips on how to stay conscious and not freak out?? This website has been extremely helpful during my engagement and I just want to make sure I do my best to enjoy my wedding and honeymoon! 
July 27, 2010 - 11:30 pm
1. Allow yourself to feel whatever arises. Especially on your wedding day, the key to staying in your body is to embrace the loss, grief, sadness, loneliness – to really feel those feelings and not worry about ruining your make-up, for example – so that you make room for the joy, excitement, celebration, etc. 2. Make sure you find time to just BE. Things can get crazy and full in these final days, but it’s more important than ever that you take time to slow down and STOP, come into yourself and your emotional body, and journal. Find stillness however you find stillness. Breathe. Breathe deeply. Cry. 3. Stay connected to your fiance. Consciously focus on what’s good and positive about him and your relationship. Write him a love letter that you send or not. Keep us posted! 
August 4, 2010 - 10:41 am
I have been coming to this site for almost 2 yrs. I found it when I became engaged and came here often to remind myself that is was “OK” and “normal” to be experiencing negative feelings. Unfortunately, I’ve also done a good job of hiding and supressing the negative thoughts that seem to come out of no where when things are going along just fine. I say “unfortunately” because I don’t think I have done enough work to rid myself of the negative feelings. I am at the point where I have read the “thought is just a thought” article so many times that I can almost recite it verbatum. I now need the tools to know what to do next….acknowledging the feelings as normal and ok are not enough for me anymore. For some reason, my anxiety has been extremely high lately –I think the trigger may be that our one year anniversary just came and went a few weeks ago and in addition, we are thinking about starting a family and here come the “fear thoughts.” Are you sure you love him enough to start a family? God forbid something should happen and you have a child together..then what? But I know I love my husband and we will make an excellent mother/father team…but when the thoughts come on they are so strong it’s almost as if I forget about all of the positive things. I’ve been good at thinking my way out of the thought and pushing them back down…but I don’t think that is enough anymore. I want them to never come back and if they do rear their ugly head–what can I do to make it a little more tolerable? I hate the feelings and in turn, they make me feel guilty for thinking them. Why would I ever think I don’t love my husband? Well, my fear based thoughts sure seem to think that’s true…even though I know they’re not. Sometimes I feel like I am having a battle inside my own head..I’m really tired of it! Sorry for such a long post–I had no intention of writing this much–it kind of just bubbled out. I need a release I suppose. Thank you for this site–it does provide hope and relief.
August 5, 2010 - 8:44 am
Roxanne – This is an excellent question and I have a lot to say, so I’ll write a blog on it in the next couple of days. This is where transition work becomes more long-term spiritual work.
August 5, 2010 - 12:06 pm
Thank you so much Sheryl, I would really appreciate any additional help. 
October 21, 2010 - 2:41 pm
was this meee?
October 21, 2010 - 6:42 pm
It could have been, or it could have been any of my clients who wrote with the same thought. Just goes to show how common it is… : ) 
May 25, 2011 - 9:39 am
I am so glad that I found this website. I seriously thought that I was the only one going through this before getting married, but I now realize that this is just part of the process. For years I have struggled with anxiety and have tended to always fight it or run away from it. However, after finding your book and this website, I now realize that allowing myself to feel the anxious and any other feelings that arise put me back into control. Thank you so much for bringing all of this to light!
May 25, 2011 - 9:54 am
I’m so glad you found your way here. Yes, learning how to manage the anxiety in a way that works for you is the key. Be sure to check out the Conscious Weddings eCourse: From Anxiety to Serenity for a treasure trove of information, tools, techniques and, perhaps best of all, a support system of other women. 
August 12, 2011 - 11:18 am
It is remarkable to find a place on the web full of wonderful people who seem to be having the very same experiences I am. I have been struggling with intense anxiety for years and have quelled the intense feelings of fear and sadness with fine prescription medicine. While it has had an important role in my life, and I thank God for the relief it brought be in the past, I have come off of it again in order to try to have a baby. The combination of this intense idea (having a baby) and feeling those extreme feelings have made me realize that I can no longer drown whatever I am feeling, and must embrace them. This is no small task, and I struggle every day. But I am still here, breathing, so I choose to believe that the other side of this will be where I am meant to be. Thank you all for being an amazing community.
August 12, 2011 - 7:03 pm
Welcome : ) I’m so glad you found your way here.
June 8, 2010 - 8:12 am
[...] A thought is just a thought and a fantasy is just a fantasy. It’s okay to spend time in the fantasy realm and imagine what life would have been if… but rarely are we meant to follow these fantasies into fruition. Transitions activate old losses for the purpose of grieving the areas that need to be released. When we misinterpret their presence and give them unnecessary anxious energy, we impede the letting go that needs to occur. But when we simply allow them the space to exist and watch them curiosity, the grief can move through us and help us accept the life that we’re choosing to live. [...]
August 24, 2010 - 6:46 am
[...] response to Roxanne’s comment to my “A Thought is Just A Thought” post, I’d like to offer a more detailed approach for working with negative or unwanted [...]
December 9, 2011 - 2:57 am
[...] and attend to them daily (if not hourly). But we had not comprehended a disproportion between feelings that were combined by my thoughts that afterwards combined large amounts of stress and feelings that were a response to a healthy [...]
December 10, 2011 - 1:36 am
[...] and attend to them daily (if not hourly). But I had not comprehended the difference between feelings that were created by my thoughts which then created massive amounts of anxiety and feelings that were a response to the natural [...] The last thing I ever expected when I said “yes” to my husband’s proposal was to feel the way I felt. We had dated for two years and I knew early on that we would marry. We were best friends. We shared the same values, belief system, goals in life. We meshed perfectly and our differences complimented each other like two characters out of a John Hughes film. He proposed on a Tuesday night and after the excited phone calls ended, joyful tears had dried and the champagne was gone, a wave of unease washed over me. 9 comments 
May 26, 2010 - 9:31 am
Beautifully put Anna! 
May 26, 2010 - 3:11 pm
Anna, my friend, I couldn’t have described it better myself!
May 26, 2010 - 5:23 pm
Great post Anna – sounded like you were describing my engagement! What shocked me when I first discovered the Conscious Bride website was that there are so many other people going through the same doubts and fears – but we never talk about it because we are ‘supposed’ to be 100% happy! I have been married for 10 weeks now and the expectation of being a blissfully happy newlywed is still there – pushing from society. If only people weren’t so judgemental when it came to love and marriage – I feel that if I was to tell people what I was feeling they would judge my relationship as a “bad” relationship – and that is so far from the truth. My husband is a supportive, senstive and wonderful man – but that doesn’t stop my doubts and fears because I have always dealt with change and transitions feeling like I was unable to cope. 
May 26, 2010 - 5:39 pm
Belinda – you’re definitely right. We live in a society that primarily believes that if you have any doubt about ANYTHING (marriage, jobs, children, etc.) then you shouldn’t move forward, and that’s tough to hear when all you feel is doubt! It was VERY scary for me to voice my doubts and fears because I felt like people would seriously question why I was getting married, even though the last thing I wanted was for someone to tell me to call it off. For me, it has been very freeing to accept that I will always struggle wtih doubt and fear surrounding transitions. It makes the doubts not seem so scary.
May 27, 2010 - 6:24 pm
Yes, I totally agree Anna – I felt freedom too when I realised that unfortunately, no matter what the situation is, I will always struggle with big decisions and change. 
June 10, 2010 - 4:22 pm
Ladies, I just want you all to know that I am so happy I found this site. My boyfriend and I got engaged in February of this year and since about 2 days after the engagement I have been living in doubt and fear. I’ve tried to reach out to my friends (all of whom are not married or even close, so they simply roll their eyes at me) and my family (who are in love with my fiancé and just want us to be happy) but they can’t seem to relate to my fear. My boyfriend is amazing, a genuine catch who loves and supports me. He has supported me since the first sign of fear but I don’t want to tell him the real extent of how I feel because I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve felt very alone, which now that I read this site, is silly because obviously I am not the first person in the world to get married! Just knowing that there are other stable, confident, motivated women out there that have doubts about their (soon-to-be) marriage to a GREAT guy makes me fell less alone in my struggle. I’ve felt an amazing amount of guilt for not being on cloud nine because I am in love and loved by an amazing person who wants nothing but my happiness. Long story short, thanks to all of you for posting on this, especially to those who are married now and over came these feelings. It’s nice to know that things don’t have to be perfect in love and in marriage. I can’t even put my appreciation into words. Thank you.
June 14, 2010 - 2:07 pm
Hi girls. This question is directed more toward the people that are already married. When you were engaged, how were you feeling, happy most of the time, or really depressed, or a little of both. Has anyone ever had the fear of saying forever. This is my fear lately I’m wondering how I can promise forever when I don’t even know what will happen in a year from now. Before we were engaged I could promise forever so easily, but now I’m scared to death. I think it is mostly b/c if someone would have told me a year ago that I’d be like this about getting married I would have laughed in there face. My fiance and I have been together for the last 10 years and I was the one begging him to get married and now I’m the one freaking out. I just don’t understand what’s going on. I’m getting married next month and I have been dealing with these feelings for the last year….am I making a mistake? Also, for the married women did you have that deep feeling of knowing that you were making the right choice. Sometimes I have that feeling while other times I’m not sure!! PLEASE HELP!!
June 14, 2010 - 2:16 pm
Does anyone have facebook where we could chat back and forth on IM?
June 10, 2010 - 5:05 pm
[...] Weddings message board. What follows is one posted by ChristmasBride2006, who also wrote a guest blog here two weeks ago. She was one of the most wise, honest, and supportive members of the boards and [...]  Last week, during one of Boulder’s common wild wind storms, Everest looked out the window and said, “Mommy, it’s snowing!” The flurry of white flying outside our windows certainly did look like snow but it was, in fact, apple blossoms. As I sat later that evening looking out our bedroom window and feeling yet another shift in the seasons, I realized that we’re in the autumn of spring, the decrescendo following the crescendo of rebirth that reached an exquisite peak the previous week. Bookmark on DeliciousDigg this postRecommend on Facebookshare via RedditShare with StumblersTweet about itSubscribe to the comments on this post no comments  In this week’s video blog, I explore how important it is to protect your internal space during the vulnerability of transitions. Bookmark on DeliciousDigg this postRecommend on Facebookshare via RedditShare with StumblersTweet about itSubscribe to the comments on this post 4 comments 
May 24, 2010 - 12:33 pm
I just found your blog via Heather. What a great find. I had my third babe in Oct. and it’s by far been the most difficult transition. Your words ring very true. Looking forward to more.
May 24, 2010 - 1:11 pm
Welcome, Sarah. So glad you found your way here. I can imagine how challenging the transition from 2 to 3 would be. Did you find it more challenging than 1 to 2? I’d be curious to know more. 
May 24, 2010 - 3:51 pm
Sheryl, Your work is helping me navigate thru the emotions of being a first time bride in the over 30 age group . . . I appreciate all your insight especially regarding with whom I listen to and gain insight from. I do agree that talking to my partner has helped us strengthen our bond and grow. You have helped me find courage to ask the difficult questions and be real with all the conflicting emotions of wedding planning / transitioning to marriage. Keep up the great work – you are a blessing! - Erin
May 24, 2010 - 3:57 pm
Thank you, Erin. I’m so glad my work has been helpful – and especially happy that you’ve grown closer to your partner through talking about the difficult feelings. I think most people are under the illusion that talking about the feelings will lead to conflict when actually the opposite is true. Blessings to you – Sheryl |
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