A Psychic Told Me To Leave My Relationship

IMG_5366I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard or read some version of the following email that I recently received (published here with permission):

I am in a loving relationship and engaged. A psychic woman told me very specifically that I will definitely not marry this man, that my confusion is my heart longing to be with my true soulmate and that when I work through my depression I will see this clearly. I asked her if there was anything I could do to change this outcome and she said if I stay with my partner it will always be difficult. I want nothing more to marry my partner but this information has added to my doubts and worries and I can’t get this out of my head. Would the courses help at all or do I need to accept fate?

Oh, boy. How many hundreds of clients and courses members have sought the counsel of psychics and mediums to ask the burning question: Am I with the right person? How many thousands of people hand their authority to others, hoping and praying that someone else will tell them what to do? And yet when the person does tell them what to do, something inside screams or whispers, “No, I don’t want to leave. Please tell me something else.” When I asked this reader for permission to share a portion of her email, here was her response:

I have had my own insight into our future and saw us at our wedding and then in hospital with our first child. And with that vision came this immense and overwhelming feeling of love that I have never experienced before, like my heart was open to loving again.

This heart-opening vision is her truth, not what a so-called psychic is telling her. Inside she has a small voice, a place that refuses to leave despite an entire culture telling her that doubt/confusion/ambivalence/indifference mean don’t. That place of wisdom is her self-trust. That whisper is her heart’s longing. You have the same place, the same wisdom. You may think it’s been pounced out of you by a world that hasn’t valued your voice, but it’s still there, awaiting your attention.

Her email speaks to so many spokes of the wheel of the anxious mind.

Let’s dissect it:

1. Trusting others more than you trust yourself:

We learn early on to hand authority over to people who are bigger and whom we deem wiser. We are told explicitly that “others know better,” and we learn as young people that doctors, parents, teachers, clergy, and older siblings should and can tell us how to choose. What a vastly different planet it would be if we raised our children in a way that preserved their innate self-trust! We would grow up trusting that inner voice and learning to discern between the various voices that parade in the brain. We all have different characters inside of us. When we make contact with them and develop a witness-self, we can choose which ones we listen to and which we bat away.

2. Living God’s Will or My Predetermined Fate:

I wrote an entire blog post on living God’s will, so I will summarize here: I don’t believe God is an all-knowing, authoritarian being that has already charted out your entire life. I don’t believe that there is one path for you, one partner for you, and if you miss the boat, well, you really blew it. I don’t believe that God is vindictive or punishing but, rather, that God is forgiving and understands that we learn through making mistakes. Therefore, either there really are no mistakes, or mistakes are welcomed as opportunities for growth. I don’t believe that there is a predetermined future already laid out for you and that your task as a human being is to somehow, by some divine miracle, read every sign correctly so that you follow your fate.

What a lot of pressure that is! What a depressing way to live one’s life! When we can flip this mindset upside-down and instead understand that we are here to learn and grow, and any path we choose will lead to growth if we claim it as such, we release the weight of “fate” and “God’s will” and instead learn to live by the quiet mysteries of our own inner yeses and nos, the whispers and songs that line the grassy path of this life.

3. “My confusion means I need to leave”:

Again, I’ve written hundreds of articles debunking the damaging belief that doubt or confusion means don’t, so I won’t belabor the point here. Still, every time I read that someone has blatantly received this message, my cells do a little crazy dance inside, shaking their fists at the well-intentioned yet poorly-informed people that guide people away from the opportunity to learn about real love with a loving partner. No wonder our culture is such a mess when it comes to intimate relationships!

So to answer her question: Will my courses help at all? Yes, they all will help in different ways. Trust Yourself will help you learn to look inside for your own source of guidance instead of placing your life at the mercy of others (strangers or otherwise) and help you work through your depression. The Conscious Weddings E-Course or Break Free From Relationship Anxiety will help you shatter the illusions and fantasies you’re carrying about love, including the concept of a “soulmate”, and will teach that “confusion” is a symptom of needing to pour attention into your inner well, not a “sign” that you’re with the wrong person. They will also help you to strengthen the core you of you and discern between the different voices that create the white noise of mental chatter and interfere with your clarity. And Open Your Heart will help you learn the laws and actions that will allow you to name and soften your walls so that you can love the one you’re with.

I don’t live in the world of signs and psychics. I don’t subscribe to a worldview that places trust and inner wisdom outside oneself in the hands of seen and unseen others. I don’t believe in the idea that we must “accept fate”, but that we create our own fate by the choices we make every day. We are the architects of our lives. I’m not saying that external circumstances don’t affect our inner landscape, but ultimately we decide how we respond to the circumstances we encounter. We can either bend our heads in submission when fear threatens to knock us to the ground or do the necessary work required to battle with fear in all of its confusing manifestations. As Mark Whatney says in The Martian, “I guarantee you that at some point, everything’s going to go south on you. And you’re going to say, ‘This is it. This is how I end.’ Now, you can either accept that, or you can get to work.”. If you’re struggling with fear and doubt in a loving relationship, consumed with anxiety that something is missing, it’s time to get to work. This is what it means to be a warrior of the heart.

82 comments to A Psychic Told Me To Leave My Relationship

  • Zoe Carter-Beedie

    Oh Sheryl, fabulous article, thank you! And I just saw “The Martian” this very evening! It blew me away. I was literally trembling and simultaneously crying in those final scenes. Thank you so much, once again, for your very wise, reassuring and powerful words. Much love, Zoe xxx

  • anxiouslyengaged

    Thank you Sheryl for your wise words, yet again.

    When you shared your readers response “I’ve had my own insight into our future…” my intrusive thoughts began to have a field day….

    I’m not sure if this is also a false belief or not but I keep seeing articles and hearing different celebrities say something along the lines of “I just knew he/she was the one I was going to marry because I could picture our future together, I could picture us growing old together”

    I don’t know what is wrong with me, but I just can’t seem to “picture” the future. I know there is not anything “wrong” with me, but I just have a hard time “picturing” the future with my partner. For some reason I can picture myself as a mom and it doesn’t freak me out, but I picture myself with my partner and it freaks me out!

    I am trying to figure out what is under this and I just feel stuck. Any insights??

    • Some people can access clear place inside that says YES to moving forward and others can’t, and neither way is a guarantee that relationship will work out. I can offer many other lines of reassurance, but much more important for you is how you work with your thoughts. I would encourage you NOT to spend any time trying to figure out what’s underneath the intrusive thought itself. Rather, the thought is pointing to your need to attend to yourself in a new and nourishing way. That’s what I teach in depth in the new course, Break Free From Relationship Anxiety. Will you be taking it?

      • anxiouslyengaged

        Hi Sheryl,

        Thank you for the reply. You really seem to highlight something that I need to get better at, and maybe this is where I am stuck.

        “the thought is pointing to your need to attend to yourself in a new and nourishing way”

        As much as I know this true it scares me so much. I have taken the Open your heart and Conscious weddings courses… and yet I am still on this journey a year and a half later. I have made the decision to commit to my partner and put in the work and effort no matter how scared I may be, but I still feel like I need to do some work.

        Can you describe how the Break Free from relationship anxiety course helps you tend to yourself in a new and nourishing way? I am still deciding on whether it will be worth it for me to do a new course. Do you mean you talk about how to see your intrusive thoughts? Or you discuss ways to fill up your well of self?

        Thank you Sheryl.

        • Break Free begins with the other courses leave off, so yes, I explain in depth how to work with intrusive thoughts AND how to fill your inner well. In fact, those two topics comprise about 2/3 of the course. It’s great that you’ve committed to your partner and understand that the work is yours to do. Now you’re ready to go deeper.

  • Stef

    This exact thing happened to me! It was such a horrible anxiety that followed seeing this physic. After googling the hell out of all things based around when physics say these things I realised that I think the only thing she was seeing was my anxious thoughts about my relationship and none of the good stuff. I guess my anxiety was a massive part of me at that time and kind of took over me so that’s all she might have been able to see.. I’m not sure if this is right but it did make me feel more comfortable about what she said and I tried very hard to not take it on.
    It’s been a long process since then and I do believe at the point I saw the physic was the time I lost myself to my thoughts the most! It’s taken a lot of work to trust myself again and I’m still working on it. Hoping to do the break free course soon but for the mean time this website is a great help 🙂 X

    • A

      I’m right there with you. I had a channel (not exactly a psychic) tell me my marriage is holding me back and is no longer in my best interest, but I’ve had to take it with a grain of salt. I also had to keep in mind that we have been going through a difficult time lately so naturally she was picking up on my doubts and fear and the questions I had for myself–is this working? Is he holding me back? Should I leave him? Yet last year when I asked her point blank regarding my anxiety about my relationship “Should I leave him?” she said no, that wasn’t my issue. So I think you’re absolutely correct in that they may be able to pick up on your energy at the moment. Like Sheryl says above, don’t give anyone else your power. Easier said than done sometimes but words to live by!

  • Nuria

    Sheryl,

    Earlier this year, in January, I started experiencing severe relationship anxiety. I was a mess, I felt like I was lying when I told him I loved him, I felt super guilty when I didn’t feel ‘butterflies’ around him… Well, you’ve read the same story a thousand times! I of course went on google and the things that showed up only made it worse. I am SO grateful to have stumbled upon your website back then.
    I swear I cried with relief when I realized I wouldn’t need to break up with my sweet, loving partner, and there were tons of other people going through the same thing.

    I spent hours reading every post & comments…I realized I needed to change A LOT, but I decided to take on the challenge. It was difficult, but things improved very quickly.
    My boyfriend and I are still together, and while I do have some intrusive thoughts sometimes, I don’t fret too much about them anymore. There’s still a long way to go, but I’m proud to have made it this far!

    And to think I would have probably broken up with my wonderful, sweet, loving boyfriend if I hadn’t found your blog…!

    I will be forever grateful to you. xxx

    (I apologize for any mistakes I might have made – English is not my native language)

  • just me

    I love this article. My therepist also told me that maybe I should meet my ex and discuss with him about our unfinished business and feelings, because I have been dreaming and obsessing about him so much lately. She also mentioned that divorce is an option, because I have suffered from my negative thoughts for so long. I still keep fighting because my husband is really worth loving and I want to grow as a person.

    • just me

      I feel like I have created a very bad and shameful habit yo my brain, where I compare and check my feelings all the time. I really want to break this and create some healthier love habit.

    • Lili

      Hi, I understand what you are going through…I keep checking my feelings too (why I don’t have butterflies, etc) and compare my relationship to other couples (e.g. this couple laugh alot together so they are probably more in love). I know in my heart this is wrong and I’m with a loving husband, but it can be hard at times to see this, anyone else have any suggestions/comments about this?

      • just me

        Nice to hear that I am not alone with these kind of thoughts. Are you taking break free fron felationship anxiety course? I am and I really hope that I will get there some tools to stop this habit which cause so much pain, guilty and dissatisfaction.

        • just me

          I really try to not take my dreams literally and become more curious about them instead.. but it really hard sometimes, because they feel so real.

        • Lili

          Hi thanks for your reply, ur right its good to share thoughts :)I havent taken the course yet, but im considering it.

  • Zoe

    HI Sheryl,

    Yet another inspiring article. I work in mental health (student mental health nurse) and I have come to feel
    disillusioned by the whole system. Everything is the opposite of your advice. I feel people become reliant on the system to the point it is all institutionalised. As soon as they feel any normal human emotion ie anxiety, even slightly, they demand medication and nurses don’t challenge it. It’s disempowering them. The whole structure of the system makes them reliant. No structure on the wards leads to boredom. They become like children because any issue they have they will look to others ie nurses, psychologists etc. After years of being in the system they become like overgrown children with not a chance in the real world. I wish more therapy like yours was in place. I want to bring change to the mh system. My personal interest in exercise and nutrition in mental health, there is literally nothing going on for anyone in that field. Sorry I am dragging this out but I really do wish the approach to patients is a lot more like yours.

    Zoe

  • just me

    I am feeling that my subconscious mind is trying to show me that I am not happy with my husband and I was/would be happier with my ex, because I have seen so many dreams where I have come back to him and been happier and felt more love. I really hope that it’s not my truth.. I looking forward the ex-section.

    • just me

      I really hope that my subconscious mind will follow my conscious mind’s decision to make my marriage work and open my heart to my husband.

      • just me

        My biggest fear has been that I as more certain about my feelings about my love and that my ex was the “one” when we dated, but then he left me and took me for granted. He also wanted me back a year later, but I could not trust him anymore. My occuring dreams has made me wonder whether I made mistake. I try to focus on that my husband is more reliable and our relationship are more stable, but sometimes I just miss those intensive feelings and attraction. I would like yo know, if here is anyone, who has survived this kind of struggle?

  • Alyssa

    Hi Sheryl. Thanks for a wonderful article. You talk often about being in a loving relationship. How do you define that? How does one know if they are in a loving relationship?

    • I define a loving relationship as one where both partners are mutually supportive of the other, where this is a shared vision and shared core values, and no red-flag issues. There’s also a basic connection, and I know that’s a spikey word, but I define connection as friendship, meaning that you basically enjoy spending time together and the relationship works most of the time (80%).

      • blm5126

        Hi Sheryl, I hope you don’t mind me adding a bit onto your response as I know once upon a time I might have seriously spiked about your comment. The key to whether you have a loving relationship and asking yourself these questions is to do so when you are in a clear place (clear mind, wise mind, Self). Naturally, I know you talk about this a lot in other articles, but I wanted to remind anyone who might have read this comment that the key is to ask and analyze your relationship, using this understanding of a loving relationship, from the higher self, not fear.

  • H

    I once saw a medium and she told me that I’d end up with a tall guy. I met my boyfriend and I remembered what she said about 8 months in and freaked out because my boyf is small! It made me anxious and worried for so long. But I know I’m spending the rest of my life with him, so I’m choosing to not spend time replying to this anxieties now. It’s all about self trust and knowing you are making a good and loving choice. And I know I am. Also, we are all coming onto this site and joining different courses to make a difference and to help ourselves and our relationships so that is very loving in its self so it goes to show who you care about and who you want to be with.

    Sheryl, I feel amazing these past few days. I am controlling this anxiety well at the moment and if stop soon then I will know how to control it. I feel like all the dramatic highs and lows are gone and now I’m replaced with something a lot more content. And I quite like this 🙂 I have been reading why talking is not enough by Susan page and I’m really liking it. I’ve not long started it but a lot of the things that are in the book really make sense! i haven’t got to the end but I would definitely recommend it lots of people already.

  • A

    Sheryl, your articles are always spot on but this post couldn’t have come at a better time. My jaw literally dropped when I read this because this happened just a month ago, except it wasn’t a “psychic” per se, she was a channel and energy healer who I have worked with in the past. My husband and I have indeed been having issues and have discussed divorce/separation, but since hearing that the relationship no longer serves me we’ve gone into a downward spiral. But the point you make about trusting others more than myself really struck a chord with me. I’ve always wanted someone else, someone “smarter” or “wiser,” to make big decisions for me. I wanted something outside of myself to be responsible because I was too afraid I wasn’t capable of making these huge, life-altering choices. I’ve even sometimes wished he would just cheat on me so then I’d have less confusion and would have a clear answer. Thankfully that hasn’t happened and we’re currently enrolled in Open Your Heart and are about to embark on couple’s counseling, so I’m hopeful this will allow us to stop operating out of fear and navigate these troubles with clear minds. Thank you!

    • I’m so glad to hear that you’re putting time and energy into your marriage. You may also want to consider Trust Yourself in January as it will address the habit of wanting someone else to make your decisions for you.

  • Louise

    I have begun to realise more and more how much I give my power to other people. How I look to others to mind me, give me peace and take over knowing what’s best for me. That was until I met my partner. He doesn’t want to “mind me” he just wants me to be me. It’s brought to the surface my anxieties around trusting myself and “melting into” my own world. My relationship with him has opened these wounds but has left an opportunity that had been lost to heal that part of me. I’ve realised how scared I am to stay in my own skin and how much I based connections on others fulfilling a part of me. Now I’m facing me and trying to allow the loving voice in me grow. Thank you for sharing this post, even reading the comments I could feel my head run away into others worlds. I hope in time I can hear others, connect to them without giving myself up xx

  • Hi Sheryl this was something that spiked me bad about two weeks ago, when someone I know started telling me about numerology and how certain numbers were part of who you should be with and if not then that person you are with would just be a “traveler companion” and also how we were certain number that meant we were a relationship based in passion and not true love.
    Those things really scared me and spike me because then I start thinking oh my god, what if I am then he is not the one I should be with and then it scares me more because I do want him to be with me, and hearing he is good for me from others gives me reassurance, so its like I get so anxious to even hear something different because I want to hear that he something positive, because I dont want to leave.
    Then another thing that spikes me is that I do want to be with him, ( althought I never was sure I wanted to marry him, that scared me but I did it, and sometimes I feel its been a blessing, other times I felt like confused and unsured and wanted to go because of so many things I wanted to do, of wanting to be independent and so forth and then it spikes me thinking what a lady once told me, that if I ever feel like I dont want to be with him I should leave, and then my mind thought ” what if one day I dont want to be with him like I do now? I dont feel loving feeling but I want to be with him and thats whats kept me here fighting for us. So when she said that it really scared me; Thinking that what if one day I dont feel like I want to be with him, how can I keep fighting then.
    Then I thought, well commiment is keep doing what you said you would do when you felt like doing it, even if you dont feel like doing it anymore, and that is one of my lessons, I have never been a really commited person or maybe I dont know if I really am, ( because I always took care of my family even when it felt like I didnt want to, so maybe I give myself less credit, I dont know).
    But so I thought, well if I even feel like I dont want to be in my relationship anymore, as long as its a loving relationship, even with ups and downs and hard times, and arguments as long as its loving then thats when commiting to keep fighting for love comes forth.

    Sheryl when you talked about Core Values, would you explain a little more what does that mean? and when you mention friendship? I dont think my husband is my best friend because there is things of me I havent been able to share for same of my past which I feel he will judge me, which sometimes leads me to not feel like connected, but I am working on it, but we do have fun together, we play and we enjoy each other, is that a good thing even if he is not my best friend?
    Our relationship is very good and we are both supportive and willing to work and learn more things. We both do things for each other, I may not like all he want to do but I do it for him, and he does the same for me when I want to do something I like.

    Thank you for this article, it helps me so much. I know I been writing alot lately.

    God Bless you and you all here fighting for love.

    • Our partners don’t have to be our best friends; there just needs to be a basis of friendship. By core values I mean you’re on the same page regarding having children, how you’ll raise kids regarding religion, basically any issue that is irreconcilable (you can’t compromise on having a child or not).

  • One thing I want to mention is that I want to be with him, and even when I felt like I was wanting to go, all I wanted was not to feel like that because I wanted to be happy with him and not feel that way.
    I think I was grieving my singlehood and the live I would never live, which reading your article of ” the lives will never live” really helped me realized I was grieving so many things I thought that would not happen, or maybe they would but in a different way now. and come to acceptance that I had chosen this because I wanted it and learning and letting go of that fantasy of wanting to have it all, which is an illusion of control.

  • Thank you for your reply.
    WE do want right now the same things, I guess also you could say that as long as in a relationship you can mediate about those things that one wants and the other doesnt then you can call it a good loving relationship too. Just both willing to support eachother and be humble.
    I know I want to have kids one day, but I dont want to have that responsibility right now as it scares me too much, I put it off more and more, and my husband is ok with that too he doesnt want kids either now, I think more like in 7 years and he thinks more like sooner than that, so I guess I have to work on that fear and resistance I have at some point too.

  • I didnt understand what you meant on ” you cant compromise on having a child or not” but I guess we both are on the same page, we both have the same plans and we want kids too sometime but not too soon since we have other plans first, I am a little scared when I think about deciding on when to have a child. but we both have the same goals as of right now before having children and I am sure that when it comes to deciding when and the right time we will both be able to come together with the best time. I just know thinking of children gives me a lot of anxiety because of the responsibility but we both know that and if it happens before I will be scared but also I am in a loving relationship with a good hard working husband so it will be ok too.

    • What I mean by that is that you can’t meet halfway with having a child: either you have one or you don’t. You don’t need to think about having children right now, however. You have plenty of work to do in terms of learning to work with your thoughts. Are you taking the Break Free course?

  • I am thinking about it yes….. I know it would benefit me greatly.
    So would you think that what I mention about having children means that we do have the some core values or that we are in the same page, or we do not have the same core values?
    Sorry to keep writing, I guess because english is not my first language its a little difficult to follow sometimes.

    • It sounds like you have the same core values. But what I want you to start to notice is how the anxious mind jumps from story to story: you feel reassured about one topic and immediately you’re on to the next topic. The work, ultimately, is about unattaching from the specific story (which always changes) and heal the anxiety from the root. That’s what the course will teach you.

  • Maybe what you are saying by ” you cant meet halfway with a child is, either you have one or you dont” , is that if you want one child or not would be an issue, but we if both want one and right now our goals are the same then its ok, when the time comes we will both figure it our together.
    The importance on the core value is that we do want kids one day and right now we have other goals that we want to share together before we get to that step.
    is that right?

    I am so sorry to keep writing.

  • Yes you are right, my mind is like looking for hallow spots to keep me away from being reassured.
    Like I get reassurance about one thing, and another one jumps up, its like a wheel, I guess what its doing its my ego preventing me to go down deep into the root like you say, wanting to get reassurance of all my doubts so it can calm down but it wont because I am not addressing my real problem.

    Thank you for your patience again and I am really grateful for all you explain. its so loving how you explain it and even though it is scary, when you start to address the fear the way you say things helps so much to even think like its ok because its all a process and all this faults or fears or doubts are ok because whats important is the work that we do to grow, that has been a motivation to follow because I know its not about my partner and its not that you will find that you will have to leave because something is wrong, but about me and the opportunity i have to grow and no matter what is it if you address that with you you will be ok…
    Thank you..

  • address that with love, you will be ok, thats what I meant to write…
    Thank you

  • LAwoman

    Hi Sheryl,
    I had a question in regards to your comment about connection and if you’re in a loving relationship you have a strong friendship that works 80% of the time. This spiked me a little. I read your article about when you’re feeling irritated with your partner. And I feel irritated by him quite often. Which makes me feel anxious about the relationship and I’m constantly checking how I feel about him. And of course when this happens I think if I really loved him I wouldn’t be irritated all the time and many other intrusive thoughts come to mind. We haven’t always been the greatest at resolving conflict and we argue a lot. But I know that I still love him a lot and I don’t feel like leaving or pulling away from him. We do share similar values and goals. Although we do have different opinions on some things, we have come to accept each other as we are and none of them are deal breakers for us. Sometimes I feel like our relationship works 60% just because of the arguing. I’m also aware when I project onto our relationship and that my irritation is not my partner’s fault. I am a sensitive person and my partner can be stubborn at times. We are both head strong which makes it challenging to communicate properly and resolve arguments. Regardless, we still have the drive and motivation to stay together. And I believe we still love each other. It’s just not always that easy. Your thoughts would be greatly appreciated.

    • LAwoman

      I also wanted to add that when we do argue I worry if I’m not “enjoying” the relationship. And I have thought it shouldn’t be THIS hard to pull through when we are having a difficult time. But there’s this place in my heart that urges me to press on, and to not listen to my fears. And when we don’t argue and spend time together, I feel so good. It feels like home when I’m with him.

      • It’s important to learn how to argue more effectively, but nothing you described is a reason to walk away. I encourage you both to read “Hold Me Tight” by Sue Johnson to help you understand what may be at the root of the arguing. My guess is that you have more of the second type of relationship that I describe here:

        http://conscious-transitions.com/is-there-a-better-match-for-me/

        • LAwoman

          Yes I did read your article describing the two different relationship types. I see similarities in both types, but mostly the second one like you said. I will definitely check out that book. My partner tells me that when I am sharing with him all the time about my anxiety regarding our relationship it does worry him. And he experiences doubt. I feel so bad and it makes me sad to think that I cause him pain like that. Because I do still love him and I don’t want him to think that I want to leave. So I want to put in the work and effort because I’m afraid of sabotaging our relationship. That’s the last thing I want to do. Thank you so much for your response I truly appreciate it 🙂

  • just me

    I feel so sad and lonely at the moment. I am kind of realizing that maybe this is not rocd in my case. Maybe this is just my truth that we are no meant to be, and I just do not want to admit that. My clear dreams about divorcing are my subconscious way to show me that it is time to move on and let go.. I am going to see my therapist right now and of course will continue the course..

  • Maranda

    Once you said that fear can cause you to feel numb about your relationship, so I thought that that was what happened to me. But it seems I feel a different way about the situation every few weeks (my ROCD/relationship problems) have been going on now since the end of January. It’s almost been a year and I’ve felt so many different ways about it. Now it just stresses me out more than anything. Lately, it’s almost like everything he does annoys me. I’ve hear so many people say that once you reach this stage, it’s over. I don’t enjoy spending time with him like I used to. But it makes me overwhelmingly sad and stressed out. But I haven’t felt anxiety like I used to for a couple of months. Have you ever had anyone come to you with a similar situation?

    • Maranda

      Another thing I always here is that people argue when they’re meant to be. My boyfriend and I never argued and that always seemed to concern my friends.

  • Hi Just me and Maranda, I was reading this article that Sheryl wrote, ” Death, Eventually.
    Its pretty hard but its also heart melting, when you sink down and let the words she writes go into your heart and realize that love is all there is and if we just think about how one day, that day and that opportunity of loving may not be here anymore at least in this lifetime, then you can at least leave a little gap or open a little door in your heart and allow the possibility that maybe its not easy now, but its the only thing there is and our reality.
    Yes it may be the hardest thing you might be going through, but one day, when you are facing death, you will see how it was just so worth and if you miss it now, you will be wishing you would of had the same task no matter how hard it might of been, to be able to just love….
    Rest, cry, run, go crazy for now, just for now but with the faith that your heart longs for this love that is there, right there in front of your eyes and remember that this too shall pass.That is what has kept me here thinking that one day I will not be feeling like this, telling myself that my little scared child will grow and will see how this feeling was just a feeling and I will look back and be so thankful and grateful that my heart will melt from joy, maybe not forever but at least enough to remember how good love is and how worth it was to fight for it.

  • Burberry

    I am aware that I have relationship anxiety as in the past I have had the same anxious feelings with each man who I have had a relationship with and has truly been avaliable to me. In my current relationship I don’t want to give up as the man I am with is supportive , loving funny and my best friend! Really I can’t ask for more the issue is I’m really having trouble with intimacy. I don’t feel like sex and I am really disconnected when we do.i want to feel passion but it’s gone… Well I’m hoping it has temporarily gone. Have any of you had a similar experience and if so how did you overcome it? I am hoping for some help, and am also looking to do the break free course so I can kick my anxiety for good and to finally be happy and content.

  • Me Myself and I

    Stop giving your power away!!
    Never give your power to a psychic (or anyone else for that matter). Going to a professional intuitive to get insight, wisdom and information isn’t a bad thing as long as you remember that your fate and your path are entirely your responsibility. Go to a psychic for information and options, but not for a prediction.
    Most trajectories can be changed, so if a psychic tells you something WILL happen, whether it actually DOES happen is largely determined by how close the incident is to happening and how many other free willed people are involved.
    For example, during readings with my client I have sometimes seen a pregnancy that is occurring right at that moment. Sometimes even my clients don’t yet know they are pregnant.
    During other readings I will see a major health crisis that is about to hit someone hard and be life-threatening. I can see that with certainty because it is in progress.
    I can tell if someone you’ve just started dating is a good match for you. I can tell if someone you’ve been married to for 20 years is still a good match or not.
    I can tell if you are in a financial crisis and how to get out of it, but I can’t tell you if you’re going to win the lottery or what numbers to play.
    If an 18 year old student asks me what his career path is GOING to be, I will see options, not certainties. When this student asks about career paths, I might see 10 different options. However, what makes a reading valuable is that I can also see which options lead to happiness, fulfillment, and purpose, and I can tell a client how to get onto that path and make it a success. Will they then go out and choose that path and be a success? That’s up to them, not me.
    So this blog post couldn’t have come at a better time. I definitely can relate to this. It is so easy to give your power up to a psychic. All I know is they pick up on energy based on what you are attracting at that moment. What you ask a psychic during a session can definitely impact the information you receive. So it is critical that you keep your energy guarded and in a high place because only then will you be able to access your own inner wisdom to determine if the information you have received from a psychic resonates wtih you or not. In my research on psychic readings, it is true that while they do have power to predict the future–it doe snot mean what they se eis going to happen. In fact, I read a book by a man who received hundreds of predictions from psychics and he said most of them did not come true. So what does that tell you? It ells you that what resonates with you on a deep level (when you are not in an anxiety place) is your truth. If a psychic tells you somethign that resonates with you-great-but you have that gift yourself and through this work you can determine what resonates with you anyway. All the psychic does is give you confirmation.

    Please note that psychic is an interchangeable term for mediums, clairvoyants, etc. etc.

    Please read below a useful excerpt written by a psychic herself named Erin Pavlina…

    “If you absolutely need to know what’s going to happen every single day of your life then you’re letting life own you. You have free will and you can make your own destiny.
    And to answer the original question most succinctly, the reason that multiple psychics don’t give the exact same predictions is because they are choosing one path and presenting it like it’s the only path. It sounds cool, but it’s not the best way to present information.
    Find a psychic who empowers you and helps you navigate the path, not one who wants to strip you of your power.”

    • Me Myself and I

      wow this sounds confusing….so the first part of what i wrote up there are actually erin pavlina’s words (who is a psychic). The bottom part of it are my words about having gone through this exact same experience sheryl speaks of and how helpful this blog is. couldn’t have come to me at a better time.

  • Me Myself and I

    I’ll also add a psychic predicted my marriage my partner (who I did not know at the time i was receiving the predictions) 3 different times. And I STILL have been fraught with relationship anxiety from practically the beginning of our relationship (as I have in other past relationships). I have also gone to different psychics who made predictions about the whether we were a good match etc. etc. which to me only confirmed the psychic picked up on my doubts and fears and insecurities surrounding my relationship and not actually the fact that i have an amazingly loving partner. So I do know now that it’s critical not to give your power up to a psychic. You have to trust yourself.

  • Angela

    Hi Sheryl, like so many people i have these thoughts of. I was attracted to a guy before my husband so much more and why i cant feel that same intensity of attraction with my hubby. I still think of him sometimes. I dont believe im projecting. Im just comparing and i know i shouldnt. Dosent mean or help me with an answer. Im so excited to tell you i signed up for the break free course. I cannot wait to start it in 3 weeks time. Im so sure it will help with what im thinking and feeling at the moment. Grazie tanto. Sheryl xx

    • just me

      Hi Angela, nice to hear that you also signed up for the course. We can share our thoughts later in the forum? Hopefully we both are able to get over this comparison.

  • KJ

    I broke up with her due to my repeating pattern of mistakes, it’s been few days but still I don’t know why I feel empty, I don’t know why I don’t miss her. I can laugh but when I think about it makes me sit and just stay there in silence. I don’t know if we can get back together but there is no intense emotion I’m about to lose a very loving partner but I feel that I dont deserve her the way she loves me. Any way to start? I don’t have the money to enroll on a course. I really need help I’m just really wondering what is going on with me. I still keep asking whether I love her or why I’m not too attracted or feeling excessive emotions.

    • KJ

      I cry a little for 2 days and it feels like I moved on or my mind plays tricks on me. I dont know what the hell happened to me for having a numb and easy breakup it feels like I lost the things that grips me that allowed me to breathe openly why do things like this have to happen I don’t know if something will happen between us but I also don’t know if I want to pursue her anymore and regret is a feeling that kills people.

  • Angela

    Hi just me,
    I dont think we should be worried. There only thoughts coming from fear. There is a difference between infatuation and real love. What i felt with the other guy was lust. I didnt have a sexual encounter i only fantasised about him. Where as with my hubby there is attraction and most importantly real love that will last a life time. Yes please dont hesitate to also let it all out. Im here anytime. x

    • just me

      When I am on positive mindset, I can see that we can make this work with my husband. But sometimes, recently quite often, I think that maybe all of these doubts and comparison are just sign that we are not meant to be..

      • Lili

        Hello angela and just me, I completely relate to this, on good days I can see the love, attraction-the buzz words-or basically the wanting of other but then somedays i cant feel anything and then i doubt everything thats when its hard to tell whats true or false but then as sheryl says fear and love reside in the same place abd when u search more for the feelings the less u feel them and of course reasoning is more imp than just the feelings, any thoughts on this?

  • just me

    Hi Angela, I am just scared sometimes that maybe in my case it is not just fear and intrusive thoughts.ehat if these thoughts and feelings are coming from my hearth and real me. Those thoughts make me disconnected with my husband. I would like to love my husband unconditionallu without amykind of comparison.

    • LAwoman

      This is such a beautiful article. Thanks for sharing! Sheryl, I recently read your article about when you’re not feeling attracted to your partner. And while most comments I found comforting and reassuring, others were convinced that without a constant sexual desire for one’s partner, the relationship would ultimately fail. Yet your replies asked for those individuals to dig deeper and that there’s usually an underlying issue in the relationship that’s more than simply not wanting sex with one’s partner. At times I found myself in a similar situation…feeling bored sexually with my partner. Not all the time though. But initiating less frequently, not feeling as excited as in the beginning. Immediately I panicked and assumed the worst. That my relationship was doomed and that it meant we weren’t in love anymore. Of course I longed for more passion. For all the intrusive thoughts to go away so I could be present in my relationship. After finding your site, I began to feel more reassurance and understanding. I truly believe if I were with a different person I most likely would have ended up in the same position 6 years later. Like you say, the honeymoon stage fades, the initial excitement fades, your looks change, you may get married and have kids, life becomes stressful. Things are no longer easy or effortless. It becomes dull and mundane at times. But I’ve discovered beauty in the routine. I realized I can’t take my relationship for granted and I am so appreciative. I’m with a wonderful person. Regardless of our issues and flaws, we really do love and accept one another. That is always worth fighting for 🙂

      • YES it most certainly is. x

      • Lili

        Thanks for the writting Lawoman, this gave me some comfort, and im telling myself there is hope and i should also fight for the relationship no matter how hard it may look like, today wa actually our anniversery and it went quite well!!

  • Your post is so beautiful LAwoman, write those things down so every time it gets hard you can remind yourself of that. It helps me 🙂
    I been doing positive affirmations every day too, and I feel they help as well, It helps me remind myself that I can be more patient when I dont feel like it, because my husband is, and so forth in those things I can help myself get reminded.

    God Bless you 🙂

  • Angela

    Hi Just me and Lilli,
    I just signed for the break free course and Im going through the lessons. Sheryl did say some people think that they feel like their exception. Where they feel certain that they shouldnt be with their partners. Simply not true. Fear is running your show and it does its job to convince you. To run and find the guy your really suppose to be with. Again completely false. I have done 2 other of sheryls course to know that fear thinks in quotes it is trying to protect you from getting hurt. the unexpected. I know for a fact i wouldnt of married my husband if i didnt love him from the depth of my soul. At the end of the course im sure there will be much more wisdom and clarity and even joy. xx

    • just me

      Hi Angela! Thank you for your support. I am sometimes so convinced that I am the exception. Some voice inside of me is trying to convince me that maybe I have married my husband because of security, not real love. Those thoughts make me so miserable and uncertain about everything. I will continue my work.. Hopefully I willfind my clarity and realise that this is just fear..

  • Angela

    Hi just me

  • Angela

    Hi just me, im here to support you anytime. I had the same intrusive and distorted thoughts for 2 years and I know exactly how you feel. What i can promise you is things will get better rather worse. Keep breathing, journalling if you can and you will see a change. xx

  • just me

    Oh, thank you Angela! It made me feel better that I am not alone. I look forward that we can discuss more later in the forum. Take care xx

  • Lili

    Hi Angela,

    Thank you so much for letting us know of your experience and your feelings,its very comforting! Like -Just me, in my dark days I think I’m an exception and might have decided very quickly (we dated for a very short time) and so I wont be feeling better. But I agree with you that fear can find it way in to our heart and take our feelings, (my distorted brain has been focusing on physical appearance a lot (height-though others think he’s normal, goodlooking, and sense of humor) these two characteristics while I know are shallow compared to other good charachteristics he has, really bug me some days and make me less attracted to him. Any suggestions on how to lesson the effect of physical appearance? I remember reading in one of Sheryl’s blogs that you can make improve some physical traits by asking your partner to for example wear better outfit,loose weight, etc but what can I do about height, theres nothing I can do and while it sounds ridiculous and shallow I feel doomed.

    Dear sheryl, can you help me with this, any suggestions you might have are highly appreciated!

    • just me

      Hi Lili, I have suffered from same kind of thoughts about my husband’s psysical appearance. I have wanted thay my husband would have more weight/muscles that I could feel myself more safe with him. Sometimes I have found myself comparing my husband’s physibal appearance with my ex’s, eventhough I do not want to do that, because it causes so much pain and guilty.

  • Angela

    Lili and just me,
    I think your experiencing projection, Sheryl will tell you the same. Sorry Sheryl i jumped in.
    The ego mind wants you to nit pick everything about your partners. PROJECTION to me is a good excuse to blame your pain, frustrations, mood swings, onto him we feel we need to blame someone. And the first person is your husband. Believe me i know it feels so real but it honestly isnt. I still feel anxious but i dont feel miserable like before. I took the courage to do the work and I dont regret it one little bit. I was attached to my old single life living at home it was my comfort zone. I never travelled alot so it hit me quite hard the new life, new home. I have transitioned and still transitioning apon layer apon layer. I welcome it now. Im responsible for myself and for my husband. I hope i continue to help.

  • Angela

    Lili, I dont have any suggestions about your partner in regards to his height. I dont think suggesting him to wear heels would make a difference. I hope my humor helps. I know it feels silly to you because the ego is silly. Fear looks for stupid and unrealistic things. You chose hour partner because you love him for who he is. Nothing else matters. Fear is trying to convince you that his height bothers you and it really dosent. I know how hard this is for you but one day you will look back and say to yourself that was one huge learning and meaningful transition. You guys will be fine. Xx

  • just me

    I am now so reliefed, because I have not seen any dreams about my ex for three weeks. Those dreams have affected me very deeply and I was almost convinced that I have married wrong guy, because I cose my ex instead of me husband. I felt so much guilty and confusion about those dreams. I have cobsciously grieved that relationship and tried to let go about that ghost and fantasy about perfect guy and relationship. I am slowly reaching some peace..