From Self-Doubt to Self-Trust

There are certain intrinsic resources that are our birthright as human beings. We’re born curious. We’re born open to learning. We’re born with clear access to our emotions and an unencumbered ability to express them. We’re born with a need to attach onto a caregiver, both emotionally and physically. We’re born with a desire to love and be loved.

And we’re born with a strong and healthy resource of self-trust. We’re born knowing when we need to eat, sleep, connect and play. We’re born with an inner barometer that tells us when we need closeness and when we need separateness. As we get a bit older and if the self-trust is still in tact, we effortlessly know what clothes we want to wear, what people we like and don’t like, food preferences, and how we want to spend our time. Even if we don’t know exactly what we’re talking about, … Click here to continue reading...

"What's Wrong With Me?"

As I was rocking my baby to sleep for his nap this morning several hours earlier than his regular nap time, I remembered my first weeks with Everest and how uncertain I often felt as a new mother. As sleep has always been one of our most challenging areas (with both boys), I often consulted The Books to see if I could glean a new tip that would help me help my baby to learn how to sleep. They always said the same things, none of which applied to my son, but all of which reinforced the nagging feeling that unless my baby slept twelve hours a night and took two three hour naps a day, I must be doing something wrong. It took me several months before I grew my mother-legs, tossed The Books, and started to trust that my baby and I were doing just fine.

There … Click here to continue reading...

Moving

Have you ever read the statistic that says that moving is the third most stressful event you can endure, following death and divorce? I’m always stunned by this statement. Let’s take a moment to digest this: Death, divorce, moving… Wow. Clearly, for it to rank so high on the list, the stress cannot possibly be solely due to the practical aspects; it doesn’t equate that packing up one house and moving to another location would trigger this level of emotional response. But in the worldview of Conscious Transitions, it makes perfect sense. Furthermore, the level of stress that moving typically instigates is equivalent to the level of healing that’s possible when we approach this transition consciously.

Like every transition, there’s a practical element and an emotional piece. Moving, like the wedding or preparing for a baby’s arrival, certainly comes with a host of items that need to get done. But … Click here to continue reading...

The Search for Perfection: From Marrying to Buying a House

“Perfection is for the Gods; completeness and wholeness is the most humans can hope for.” – Marion Woodman

One of the most common and pernicious beliefs among my engaged and newlywed clients is that they’re supposed to marry their perfect match. While they may be rationally aware that perfection doesn’t exist, it’s not the rational mind that is activated during the wedding transition, but the fantasy mind. This certainly isn’t true for everyone who marries. There seems to be a segment of the population who sail through transitions with ease; those just aren’t the people who find me. And I would venture to hypothesize that those people aren’t perfectionists in other realms of their life. I think it would be safe to say that at least 99.9% of my clientele over the past twelve years are perfectionists. And that includes me.

Let me use a different situation to elucidate the … Click here to continue reading...

For Better or For Worse – by ChristmasBride2006

Occasionally, I’ll be posting some of the most inspirational posts from the Conscious Weddings message board. What follows is one posted by ChristmasBride2006, who also wrote a guest blog here two weeks ago. She was one of the most wise, honest, and supportive members of the boards and I know continues to provide support to countless women through their wedding transition.

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I know one of the biggest things that helped me when I was engaged was hearing and seeing a “true picture” of what marriage/married life was like. Prior to that, none of my close friends were married nor did I have a lot of experience seeing an “insider’s view” of marriage. It was basically this big mystery to me about what happened after you said your vows. So when my parents opened up and talked to me on a peer level about what marriage and daily married life … Click here to continue reading...