Category Archives: Dying/Death

Update on Everest

So we followed through on our promise and bought three little glo-fish for Everest. One of them is, of course, named Mocha, and he insists that she’s the reincarnation of our cat who died last spring. In case you’re new to the blog, part of helping Everest prepare for Mocha’s death and helping him with his own transition of losing his first beloved pet included long discussions about what happens when we die. Everest created his own mythology about a place called “the kitten crane” where Mocha would wait until she found her new cat body and reincarnated as a kitten. We had every intention of getting a kitten, but when my husband’s allergies cleared up in Mocha’s absence to the point of stopping all of his medication, we had to put health first and told Everest that the kitten would have to wait.

Everest seemed to understand,… Click here to continue reading…

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The Longing of Autumn

Nostalgia and memory ride in on a crisp Autumn breeze. In the slow moments of the day – rocking my baby down for a nap, chopping vegetables – the past filters up from the unconscious and the voices of ancestors make themselves known. In this poster season for transitions, when Nature is undergoing a massive movement toward letting go, we have the opportunity to ride on her fallen leaves and witness the aspects of ourselves and our children that are ready to let go of their branches and float to the ground, where they decompose and transform into another form of life. All around Nature is dying, and in this waking dream of loss, longing and memory arise.

I’m rocking Asher down for a nap and I’m in my childhood house. It’s the colors that stand out in stark relief: the blue of the swimming pool, the maroon shag carpetClick here to continue reading…

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Sarah - September 28, 2010 - 10:49 am

I’ve always found it interesting and have commented on the fact that trees seem to be the only things that physically become more attractive as the leaves prepare to die. However, your post made me question my logic and reflect on my definition of beauty. As I continue on my path of transformation and allow myself the time to actively wait (When the Heart Waits is an excellent book, by the way)I feel the beauty within me rising up and I am more able to love myself more fully and appreciate the struggle I’ve been going through. There are times when I can almost physically feel the ebb and flow of this transition, as if there are really strings tugging at my heart. But learning to pay attention to the feeling has been enormously helpful. I’ve been feeling more energized lately, perhaps the energy of fall is more compatible with my own energy, but you remind me to drop down and pay attention to what it is now time to let go of.

Charisse - September 29, 2010 - 1:34 pm

I love this post. I’ve been feeling so much of this in the past few weeks as the seasons change. I’ve been missing being young, my high school years, living close to my family, life before I was married – and really grieving that all of these things are over. I’ve never felt like this in the fall before – usually it makes me excited and buzzed with the feeling of new opportunities – but this year is different. It’s my first fall as a married woman, maybe that’s why. :) I feel like getting married (maybe because it’s so “final”) has made me really feel all of the stages of my life that are over and that I can’t go back to – and the fall seems to be intensifying those feelings. It’s nice to know it’s normal – and to be reminded to rejoice in the wonderfulness that is the here and now. Thank you for all of your posts!

admin - September 29, 2010 - 9:09 pm

Thank you for your beautiful and soulful comment, Sarah. Your journey is so important and I have no doubt will lead you to immense amounts of wisdom, compassion, and a deepening of your connection with yourself. And I’m so glad you’re enjoying “When the Heart Waits.” It’s one of my all-time favorites.

admin - September 29, 2010 - 9:11 pm

Very well said, Charisse, and thank you for taking the time to share your experience. Getting married really does solidify all that is over. It’s a grieving process that happens in stages and it’s so important to allow those more difficult feelings to surface and move through.

Merry Oislander - October 1, 2010 - 9:49 am

Sheryl, Thank you for so elequantly modeling how to deeply feel each feeling in the moment. I felt like you were in my head and it’s so nice to know that others equally share similar thoughts and what to do with them when they occur. I have been in major transition in my life right now and it’s so encouraging to be able to also be aware that loss too can be beautiful. I look forward to being out of this liminal stage, but until then I will breathe, accept, and let go! Blessing to you. Merry

admin - October 1, 2010 - 10:00 am

Thank you, Merry. I know the liminal stage is so hard, so disconcerting, but there’s so much growth waiting on the other side and the only way to get there is to endure the fallow time and surrender to the feeling of being out of control. Blessings to you during your transitions.

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Some Things Have To Die In Order For Other Things To Live

On a heavenly hike with my Boulder Lisa a few days ago, I downloaded what’s been going on with Everest lately regarding his sensitivity to loss and death. I was telling her about his sadness at seeing a neighborhood cat catch a mouse for lunch and how I tried to explain to him that there’s a balance in nature and that even though it’s painful to see the mouse die, Buddy (the cat) needs that mouse in order to live. Lisa has a wonderful gift of succinctly stating what needs to be communicated, and she said, “Some things have to die in order for other things to live.” Not only does that summarize in a clean and clear statement what Everest is grappling with but it also summarizes my work with transitions.

Some things have to die in order for other things to live. The maiden has to die in… Click here to continue reading…

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Update on Everest » Conscious Transitions - October 5, 2010 - 11:40 am

[...] cat who died last spring. In case you’re new to the blog, part of helping Everest prepare for Mocha’s death and helping him with his own transition of losing his first beloved pet included long discussions [...]

A Warbler at the Window

One morning last week, as I sat down to write, I heard the unmistakable thwack of a bird hitting glass. With a sharp inhale and tears in my eyes, I crossed the room, peered outside, and saw a beautiful warbler on its back, shaking, its tongue darting in and out of its beak. My heart broke. I paused a few moments, then stepped onto the balcony and bent down beside it. Unsure of what to do, I walked back inside and called the local Wildlife Rehabilitation Center. The woman on the phone told me that birds often need about an hour to recover and that I should put it in a box and let it be. If, after an hour, it hadn’t flown, I should bring it in.

I found a box and, as carefully as I could, wrapped the little bird in a baby cloth, turned it onto his… Click here to continue reading…

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Summer: The Season of Celebration

The third edition of Rhythm of the Home was published this morning. It’s a wonderful online magazine and my article on Summer: The Season of Celebration appears here.

About a month ago, I received a wonderful phone call from a woman named Heather, who blogs at Shivaya Naturals. I had been following her blog for a couple of months and was thrilled to speak with her about our mutual interests and passions. At the end of the conversation she asked if I would write a four-part series for her online magazine, Rhythm of The Home, about the cycles of the seasons. I told her I would be honored to do so. My first article would appear in the summer issue, so the topic would be summer.

When I got off the phone, I realized that my research on transitions has revealed a three-part framework of… Click here to continue reading…

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Bernadette - June 1, 2010 - 9:20 am

We are so thankful to have you! I so enjoyed your piece and am looking forward to the other three seasons.

Sheryl Paul - June 1, 2010 - 10:13 am

Thank you, Bernadette. It’s really a joy to join your beautiful community and amazing online magazine.

anna0582 - June 2, 2010 - 8:00 am

Your article, as always, puts into words what I have trouble expressing in my own emotions right as we watch my grandfather enter his final stages. Joy and grief – yes. The transition so closely connected to the seasons – absolutely. I have a deep sense that our fall season this year will for certain involve us letting go.

Guest Post: LOST in transition by Daev Finn (my hubby : )

During one of our trains-passing-in-the-night-during-bedtime-rituals moments, my husband, Daev, said to me, “I know you don’t watch Lost, but I just watched the finale and I finally understand what it’s about.” “What?” “Transitions.” “Will you write a guest blog about it?” Here it is…

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After six seasons, LOST has drawn to a close. If you’re like me, you may have gone into the last show hoping for answers to the many mysteries of the island. My expectations of being disappointed were replaced as the show drew to a close and I felt closure for these people on their journeys. This is something I had not expected. My sister, Luci, pointed out that she cried when each character “got it”, and as the show ended I started to get it too; I saw how much this show is about lost souls and about life transitions.

I think of the once… Click here to continue reading…

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Joyce Petrosky - July 5, 2010 - 11:21 am

Beautiful writing and the interpretation of Lost was also. I watched most of it, at times drawn to the themes but at others, the “cheesiness” I couldn’t manage. The last month where they reviewed the themes over caught my attention more and my emotions became more evident as I connected more with the story. I am only 6 months out from losing my mother and becoming the “head of the family”, 4 months from becoming a grandmother, and now closer to losing my father as I also transition into the adult he no longer can be and the transitions of each of these has taken it’s toll. I am going through all of the feelings, only indirectly as I am now realizing my anger at present day things isn’t really what the rage is about. I have grabbed at anything I can to understand the “light”, reading “Saved by the Light” and now “Conversations with God” and the realizations that come with these about being the best I can be, being “Who I want to be”. To watch the struggles on lost and the ending where they all connect was sad, yet profound for me. Thank you for your thoughts and insights.

Conscious Transitions TV: "Celebration is the Other Side of Sorrow"

In this week’s video blog, I discuss the fourth stage of transition – celebration – that follows the letting go, liminal, and rebirth of the first three stages. It’s during this fourth stage that the new resources and skills that have been hibernating often emerge.

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Sheryl Paul, M.A., is regarded as an international expert in transitions. In 1998 she pioneered the field of bridal counseling and  has since counseled thousands of people worldwide through her private practice, her bestselling books, “The Conscious Bride” and “The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner,” and her websites, www.consciousweddings.com and www.consciousmotherhood.com. She has appeared several times on “The Oprah Winfrey Show”, as well as on “Good Morning America” and other top television, radio, and newspapers around the globe. Phone and Skype sessions available internationally for all types of transitions.

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cheryl smock - July 21, 2011 - 6:52 pm

i need some native american to read at my husband’s service he died on 7-19-11 and i feel so lonely and i am from the souix nation and i just want to let him know he is alway with my spirit please send me something by email for what we believe as indians on death thank you so much

Sheryl Paul - July 21, 2011 - 6:58 pm

I”m so sorry for your loss. Please contact Celebrant Michele Davidson at michele at moderncelebrant dot ca and she’ll be able to help you.