Category Archives: Guest post

Kindergarten: A Glimpse Of Empty Nest?

Natalie and I met in the comments section of one of my posts on MariaShriver.com, where she mentioned her work with empty nest. It’s so rare that I meet other professionals who focus on transitions that I immediately and excitedly contacted her via email and, as empty nest is a bit of a hole on my site, I asked if she would contribute a guest post on this topic. Through our email discussions, the topic evolved to include the parenthood transition of starting Kindergarten, a popular (and often painful) topic for many of my friends and clients at this time of year. The following post is an intersection of these two topics of transition.

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I met with a mother and father yesterday, and together we watched their little one kick the soccer ball while continuously wiping her blonde hair out of her face.  She didn’t want a barrette. … Click here to continue reading…

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The One True Constant

My dear friend, Elaine Hall of The Miracle Project, connected Diane and I several weeks ago, and I’m so glad she did! Diane leads “Magic of Mandala” workshops in Los Angeles which, as she explains in this post, utilize the age-old power of mandala-making to assist people in accessing their subconscious and their true self. I’ve often talked about making mandalas as a powerful ritual that can be utilized for all of life’s transitions and I’m thrilled to have a place to send people who are interested in exploring this art further.

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Each one of us is a work in progress. In a physical and spiritual sense we are in a constant metamorphosis. Some changes are micro and some are macro, some internal others external. Our very existence is a perpetual transition. Much of this goes on quite quietly and uneventfully, but sometimes we get a… Click here to continue reading…

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Carrie Pure - September 20, 2010 - 10:55 am

Sheryl, I found this post very interesting. I have been traveling through my own life transitions lately. The other day I found myself cutting images and words out of magazines. I had no real intention for doing this other than I wanted to find a way to express myself through art some how. After reading this article, I know exactly what I’m going to do with all those pieces I cut out! I’m going to make a mandala. It’s funny how your spirit leads you to exactly what you need to do even if you aren’t conscious of it at the time.

admin - September 20, 2010 - 12:37 pm

Very well said – spirit certainly does lead us when we’re willing to listen and follow.

Diane Doyle - September 22, 2010 - 4:31 pm

Carrie,
Your spirit has something to say. How wonderful that you heard it and are creating a mandala to reveal that message. Remember too that you can continue to add new images to your mandala as your transitions unfold.
Enjoy the process!

Guest Post by Dr. Margaret Paul: The Emotional Transition of Moving

I’m delighted to publish this post from my mother, Margaret Paul, who’s been a psychotherapist for 40 years and is the co-creator of a powerful process of healing called Inner Bonding.

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My family moved to Los Angeles from upstate New York when I was 13 months old. That was my first moving transition, and it was a life-threatening one. Leaving my grandfather to whom I was deeply connected caused me so much distress that I almost died. Not a great introduction to transition!

I grew up in Los Angeles the rest of my life until 9 years ago. I lived in, raised my children, and worked in the same house for 31 years. When all my children left, living and working in that big house alone was too lonely, so I decided to move to Santa Fe and share a home with my best friend, Erika.

Packing up a… Click here to continue reading…

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Joyce Petrosky - July 5, 2010 - 11:44 am

Thank you Margaret. I totally understand the nearly dying when you first moved. I don’t remember the first move when I was 5. I must have pushed it aside as we moved away from all my cousins, aunts and uncles and even though it was only 5 miles away on a busy highway, it might as well have been 2,000 miles. There was no longer the daily contact with cousins, playfriends that could get me away from the stress of living at the same place my father had his business. I do remember being lonely, taking long walks into the woods and down the back roads that todayw ould be dangerous! I remember packing my things, putting them on a long stick when I was 7 and deciding I was going to “run away”. I went as far as the woods before I changed my mind and turned back. Not so easy to do at nightfall as it is in the daylight. The Major move occurred when I was 9 when we left everyone and with a caravan of 4 trucks and 3 cars, we headed from NJ to Maine. This move was the one I thought I would not survive and in some ways I think some parts of me did not. I was leaving the only person in my life who had shown me any love. My parents, in their own sense of humor had shown me our “new home” which amounted to a tar paper shack, minus windows and doors and wild plants growing up and onto the roof. On the same group of pictures were bears climbing trees. We had just finished a play in my 4th grade class of pioneers and a bear coming into the home. I cried all the way to Maine and no one bothered to aske me why, they just left me alone as I curled in a ball and sobbed. Of course, our home didn’t turn out to be the one they had shown, but the isolation was much more intense. As I read your blog, one of the things that struck me was how much you had saved and had to learn to let go of and then grieve the loss. My experiences with moving, which were many, must have changed this piece for me. For all the years of living, the attachments are much less. Pictures, my girls first clothes coming home from the hospital and a wooden box filled with the things they made me over the years as children. Otherwise, I have no attachment. Each move I made there was always less and less. As I start to clean out my father’s home of things he and my mother gathered over the years, I feel nothing and this feels sad to me. I ponder over “what if” this has some importance to it? I read 400 boxes you moved and I thought “wow”! vWhat will your next move consists of? How many boxes when you find your ranch? How will this
transition be compared to others?

Margaret Paul - July 5, 2010 - 5:31 pm

Joyce, thanks for taking the time to share this. I’ve cut down considerably since then and the next move will not be nearly as hard!

Joyce Petrosky - July 12, 2010 - 8:21 pm

That’s good, and now you have that nice big truck of Erika’s to boot!

Margaret Paul - July 12, 2010 - 8:42 pm

Right!

Guest Post: LOST in transition by Daev Finn (my hubby : )

During one of our trains-passing-in-the-night-during-bedtime-rituals moments, my husband, Daev, said to me, “I know you don’t watch Lost, but I just watched the finale and I finally understand what it’s about.” “What?” “Transitions.” “Will you write a guest blog about it?” Here it is…

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After six seasons, LOST has drawn to a close. If you’re like me, you may have gone into the last show hoping for answers to the many mysteries of the island. My expectations of being disappointed were replaced as the show drew to a close and I felt closure for these people on their journeys. This is something I had not expected. My sister, Luci, pointed out that she cried when each character “got it”, and as the show ended I started to get it too; I saw how much this show is about lost souls and about life transitions.

I think of the once… Click here to continue reading…

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Joyce Petrosky - July 5, 2010 - 11:21 am

Beautiful writing and the interpretation of Lost was also. I watched most of it, at times drawn to the themes but at others, the “cheesiness” I couldn’t manage. The last month where they reviewed the themes over caught my attention more and my emotions became more evident as I connected more with the story. I am only 6 months out from losing my mother and becoming the “head of the family”, 4 months from becoming a grandmother, and now closer to losing my father as I also transition into the adult he no longer can be and the transitions of each of these has taken it’s toll. I am going through all of the feelings, only indirectly as I am now realizing my anger at present day things isn’t really what the rage is about. I have grabbed at anything I can to understand the “light”, reading “Saved by the Light” and now “Conversations with God” and the realizations that come with these about being the best I can be, being “Who I want to be”. To watch the struggles on lost and the ending where they all connect was sad, yet profound for me. Thank you for your thoughts and insights.

Guest post: Anxiously engaged by Anna

The last thing I ever expected when I said “yes” to my husband’s proposal was to feel the way I felt.

We had dated for two years and I knew early on that we would marry. We were best friends. We shared the same values, belief system, goals in life. We meshed perfectly and our differences complimented each other like two characters out of a John Hughes film. He proposed on a Tuesday night and after the excited phone calls ended, joyful tears had dried and the champagne was gone, a wave of unease washed over me.

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Leisha Clendenen - May 26, 2010 - 9:31 am

Beautifully put Anna!

Natalie - May 26, 2010 - 3:11 pm

Anna, my friend, I couldn’t have described it better myself!

Belinda - May 26, 2010 - 5:23 pm

Great post Anna – sounded like you were describing my engagement! What shocked me when I first discovered the Conscious Bride website was that there are so many other people going through the same doubts and fears – but we never talk about it because we are ‘supposed’ to be 100% happy! I have been married for 10 weeks now and the expectation of being a blissfully happy newlywed is still there – pushing from society. If only people weren’t so judgemental when it came to love and marriage – I feel that if I was to tell people what I was feeling they would judge my relationship as a “bad” relationship – and that is so far from the truth. My husband is a supportive, senstive and wonderful man – but that doesn’t stop my doubts and fears because I have always dealt with change and transitions feeling like I was unable to cope.
I also wished so many times for a crystal ball to tell me what to do!! I tried to sublety ask friends and family if I was doing the right thing, and I did heaps of internet research. I am so glad I did the internet research -because I never would have found the Conscious Bride website – which helped me SOOO much.
Thanks Anna for your honest account of your experience.

Anna - May 26, 2010 - 5:39 pm

Belinda – you’re definitely right. We live in a society that primarily believes that if you have any doubt about ANYTHING (marriage, jobs, children, etc.) then you shouldn’t move forward, and that’s tough to hear when all you feel is doubt! It was VERY scary for me to voice my doubts and fears because I felt like people would seriously question why I was getting married, even though the last thing I wanted was for someone to tell me to call it off.

For me, it has been very freeing to accept that I will always struggle wtih doubt and fear surrounding transitions. It makes the doubts not seem so scary. :)

Belinda - May 27, 2010 - 6:24 pm

Yes, I totally agree Anna – I felt freedom too when I realised that unfortunately, no matter what the situation is, I will always struggle with big decisions and change.
But, with the marriage decision, I felt it was a lot harder to be honest with other people about my feelings because of the fear that they would tell me to call it off! And I also didn’t want anyone at my wedding thinking that ‘the wedding was a sham because I didn’t really want to do it’, which was the furthest thing from the truth.
In the end my dad was a great help, because he is quite similar to me and went through some of the same thoughts when he got married. I remember telling him that even if I got put in a mental hospital could he please bring my fiance and a minister there so we could get married! Coz I knew I wanted to marry my now husband, it was just the fear of doing it that was really playing with me.
The week before my wedding was shocking – but surprisingly the night before and the morning of I was so relaxed and ready. And I am SOOOOO glad I went through with it – I hate to think what I would be like now if I hadn’t gone through with it. We aren’t perfect still and we still have arguments etc – but we love each other and love the commitment we made to each other on that day.
Bel

Nikki - June 10, 2010 - 4:22 pm

Ladies,

I just want you all to know that I am so happy I found this site. My boyfriend and I got engaged in February of this year and since about 2 days after the engagement I have been living in doubt and fear. I’ve tried to reach out to my friends (all of whom are not married or even close, so they simply roll their eyes at me) and my family (who are in love with my fiancé and just want us to be happy) but they can’t seem to relate to my fear.

My boyfriend is amazing, a genuine catch who loves and supports me. He has supported me since the first sign of fear but I don’t want to tell him the real extent of how I feel because I don’t want to hurt him. I’ve felt very alone, which now that I read this site, is silly because obviously I am not the first person in the world to get married! :)

Just knowing that there are other stable, confident, motivated women out there that have doubts about their (soon-to-be) marriage to a GREAT guy makes me fell less alone in my struggle. I’ve felt an amazing amount of guilt for not being on cloud nine because I am in love and loved by an amazing person who wants nothing but my happiness.

Long story short, thanks to all of you for posting on this, especially to those who are married now and over came these feelings. It’s nice to know that things don’t have to be perfect in love and in marriage.

I can’t even put my appreciation into words.

Thank you.

Jannelle - June 14, 2010 - 2:07 pm

Hi girls. This question is directed more toward the people that are already married. When you were engaged, how were you feeling, happy most of the time, or really depressed, or a little of both. Has anyone ever had the fear of saying forever. This is my fear lately I’m wondering how I can promise forever when I don’t even know what will happen in a year from now. Before we were engaged I could promise forever so easily, but now I’m scared to death. I think it is mostly b/c if someone would have told me a year ago that I’d be like this about getting married I would have laughed in there face. My fiance and I have been together for the last 10 years and I was the one begging him to get married and now I’m the one freaking out. I just don’t understand what’s going on. I’m getting married next month and I have been dealing with these feelings for the last year….am I making a mistake? Also, for the married women did you have that deep feeling of knowing that you were making the right choice. Sometimes I have that feeling while other times I’m not sure!! PLEASE HELP!!

Jannelle - June 14, 2010 - 2:16 pm

Does anyone have facebook where we could chat back and forth on IM?

[...] Weddings message board. What follows is one posted by ChristmasBride2006, who also wrote a guest blog here two weeks ago. She was one of the most wise, honest, and supportive members of the boards and [...]