Category Archives: Holidays/Holy Days/Seasons

My Baby Turns Three

I don’t know why some people experience the pain and loss of transitions and milestones more than others. Perhaps it’s an inborn personality trait; perhaps it’s connected to childbirth or postnatal trauma where babies were separated from their mothers for too long; perhaps it’s associated with early separation experiences with school or friends (being dropped off at kindergarten before a child is ready to leave his mother); or perhaps it’s a mysterious amalgamation of all or none of the above. And in the end it doesn’t really matter. What matters is what happens when we deny our natural need to express and process the pain and loss of any of life’s transitions. Which is what I did this week.

Last Saturday, I sat in the glider that I received as a gift before Asher was born. I rocking and staring out at our land in spring: the apple trees in… Click here to continue reading…

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cwb - April 16, 2012 - 6:24 pm

Goodness. Sheryl! Tonight, I was feeling these life blues – around my upcoming marriage – and I thought, “Oh I’ll just pop onto conscious-transitions and see if she’s posted anything new – even if it doesnt help tonight, it will at least be something to read.” Of course, I’m blown away with your ability to articulate the utter schmorgasboard of emotions we feel in life, with love, with family, with transitions. I connect with your message deeply. Even though I don’t have children yet, I feel like this will guide me some day.

Thank you for writing.

Sheryl Paul - April 16, 2012 - 6:56 pm

Thank you. Deepest, heartfelt thank you : )

Tara - April 16, 2012 - 9:41 pm

Like CWB, I often drop in to read what you write, Sheryl. Regardless of where I am emotionally, your posts always resonate with me. My own baby turned one on April 11 and I’ve been feeling unsettled for weeks. While reading your post, I realized why – his transition from babyhood to toddler is hard for me to handle! I’m already missing his sweet baby-ness (even though he’s not yet even walking!) and mourning his increasing independence (even while I take joy and pride in his every new accomplishment and learned skill). Thank you for making me see that it’s okay to be sad with this transition and okay to cry. And that it’s okay to cry next year and the year after too! I appreciate your posts.

teri - April 17, 2012 - 11:28 am

Joining the chorus…from way down the path. I have been reading your posts since 2 years ago in September. (My daughter was in denial over her upcoming marriage and I was having fits. So I googled something like,-being supportive to a daughter in denial about marriage-.

And although my children are now adults, your words explain where I was. I read every word and say – “oh I see what was happening.” It helps me understand why I cried as I held my new born daughter 31 years ago and said…”she is going to leave someday…” I was a basket case at every transition- and it feels good to know it was ok. Blessings.

Jen - April 17, 2012 - 11:44 am

I totally underestimated the grief I felt when moving into a new house,realizing it is the first house where my elder son never lived with us.And our second son started spending enormous amounts of times with now nearby friends and was(is)never home.The “empty nest” is a REAL thing!!!It helped,after I gave myself over to the real sadness,to visualize this nest and me as the “forever mother bird”-my babies will always have my heart to come home to-I still cannot update my photo albums of their childhoods,but I will,in time.Thank you for acknowledging and normalizing these kinds of sadnesses.

Jen

Laura Fulton - April 17, 2012 - 1:28 pm

Thank you Sheryl,
You are so eloquent. I cried with you, thanks for knowing just what to say-my daughter is 20-where has the time gone?
I am one who feels grief in every transition, I often feel the joy too but look forward to doing it differently, and practice welcoming the sadness part more gently so that the joy flows more naturally-
Thank you for your gifts!
Laura

Sheryl Paul - April 17, 2012 - 1:52 pm

Thank you, all, for your beautiful comments. It brings such a smile to my face to be connected to mothers and women all over the world who understand the heartbreaking grief and bittersweet joys of life.

Kathy - April 17, 2012 - 9:44 pm

That is absolutely beautiful! I wish my mother had been like you!

Sheryl Paul - April 17, 2012 - 9:49 pm

Thank you : ).

Spring: The Season for Rebirth

This article originally appeared last year in Rhythm of the Home Magazine. I’m reprinting today in honor of the first day of Spring.

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When we align ourselves with the primary action of each season, we can harness the energy that permeates the natural world and, thus, facilitate our own transitions. During autumn, as we witness the falling of leaves, we open to the energy of shedding and ask ourselves, “What is it time to let go of?” In winter, as we watch the stillness settle over the land and notice the hibernation of our own soul, we ask, “What arises in my quiet and solitude?” In spring, the literal and metaphoric seeds that lay dormant for several months tentatively poke their heads through the warming earth then burst into full bloom. And in summer, we celebrate the fruits of our labor and enjoy the days of water and sunshine,… Click here to continue reading…

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Sarah - March 26, 2012 - 10:02 am

This was a really beautiful post. Last week was my Spring break with my piano studio, and I gave myself a week to just enjoy the spring. Winter has been marked by losing my husbands father (who he was incredibly close to), and continuing to learn more about myself as an emotional person…with all the anxieties and fears that brings. It’s been a hard winter full of lots of hard emotions. But giving myself permission to enjoy the spring and take some time to nurture my love of being outside, and some close relationships was pretty awesome. Thanks for the reminder!

January: The Liminal Month

The holidays are often a busy time of year where you can expend a lot of energy in directions that may or may not be fulfilling. You may have attended many parties or socialized with friends and family in smaller gatherings. You may have spent money on gifts and received a nice pile of nifty new toys. You may have over-eaten or over-consumed in a variety of ways. The old year comes to a close with December’s bang and against the blank slate of a new year, heralded by the quiet month of January, we’re often left with an emptiness that causes us to wonder, “What now?”

January is named after the Roman god Janus, the god of the doorway. We walk through the final month of a year and then through the doorway of January, a new year. But as January is a doorway it represents the liminal month… Click here to continue reading…

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Carole - January 8, 2012 - 7:10 pm

This was well needed to read tonight, thank you! I also love water for helping me feel well and balanced. I don’t always have the ability to get to water though, so I set up a small space in my bedroom for meditation.

Julie - January 19, 2012 - 6:53 am

beautiful. thanks sheryl.

A Holiday Offering

A member of the Conscious Weddings E-Course linked to this post on the forum, so I thought I would offer it here as well as a source of context and comfort during this holiday season.

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Since life isn’t a Hallmark card or a Hollywood movie, the holidays are often a time when fantasies and expectations for how things “should” be jut up against how things actually are. And since the winter holidays also coincide with the shift in the Earth’s tilt as evidenced by the Winter Solstice, it’s also a time of transition. We’re transitioning from darkness to light and simultaneously celebrating – or not celebrating – Hannukah, Christmas, and New Year’s Eve. The intersection of these events often creates an emotionally challenging time.

As transitions are, by definition, times of change, with each transition the loss and memories from the past filter up to… Click here to continue reading…

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Ashley - December 8, 2011 - 7:28 am

thank you Sheryl for this! i visited your blog today in hopes to read something to help me move into a deeper space that i can feel my body resisting, and sure enough, these words remind me that, yes, it is okay to breath into grief that lately has been masquerading as anger. the days leading up to and through the transition of the holidays are such a gift. as you said… darkness into light :)

Sheryl Paul - December 14, 2011 - 10:14 pm

Yes, Ashley, breathe into the grief! Expect it, allow for it, remind yourself that there’s nothing to be scared of and everything to be learned. Feelings are just feelings and you have all of the tools and resources that will allow you to be with the feelings and guide yourself through the darkness and into the light – just as you have done this year and I have no doubt you will do with each transition in your life, whether it’s moving, having a baby, changing careers, or winter.

Ashley - December 15, 2011 - 8:55 am

thank you a million times over. i know the moment i start to resist, is the moment when the feelings get scary. but when i can remind myself that they are just feelings, as you suggest, softness enters and the grief doesn’t look so scary, rather historic and old that needs to be released so i can move into the new year. also, without grief there cannot be joy, as you have shared with me… so, i’m just going to try and let it flow!

Birthday 40

Tomorrow I turn 40. As I sit here in the quiet pre-dawn hours while my family sleeps, I contemplate the concept that today is my last day of my 30s before I leap into a new decade. On the one hand, this transition feels arbitrary and a part of me rebels against the societal expectation that I should be feeling or doing something BIG. After all, do trees and animals count the passing of their days as meticulously as we do? Like New Year’s Eve or Valentine’s Day, I wonder if birthdays are constructed to encourage people to consume. But on the other hand, I know that if I don’t acknowledge this in a way that feels meaningful to me, I’ll regret it. Arbitrary or not, tomorrow I turn 40 and I need to process that fact in a way that makes sense to me.

So I write. I write… Click here to continue reading…

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Sarah - November 4, 2011 - 4:18 pm

Happy Birthday Sheryl! Enjoy your day, and thanks for all you do….I know this website has meant a lot to me the past few months!

Suzie - November 4, 2011 - 5:14 pm

Happy birthday! May God bless you and your family. And thank you for all you do, and for staying true to your vocation- you’re a blessing to me, as I know you are to many people.

Jessica - November 4, 2011 - 7:47 pm

Absolutely beautiful, inspiring post. The world is blessed for your presence in it.

Mangala - November 4, 2011 - 10:45 pm

What a beautiful resilient courageous spirit you are! You light up the world with your crystal clear wisdom. Happy birthday!

Tanya - November 5, 2011 - 7:30 am

Happy Birthday Sheryl! Thank you for the gift of your website and wise words. May the year ahead be extra special xx

Ashley - November 5, 2011 - 7:48 am

Happy Birthday! I remember once chatting with a woman who was about to exit her saturn returns and she shared with me something that I will always remember: Age is a privilege. Over the years, especially this one, I’ve come to really understand what that means. Many, many blessings for your transition into a beautiful decade :)

Sheryl Paul - November 6, 2011 - 7:11 am

Thank you, everyone, for your beautiful wishes. I took them in on my birthday morning and they stayed with me all day. Much love, Sheryl

Marisa - November 6, 2011 - 8:37 pm

Awesome way to start a new decade! Happy birthday!

Valentina - November 8, 2011 - 1:14 pm

Happy, happy birthday from the heart Sheryl! Lots of love, health, joy and new dreams! May your 40s bring you everything you are wishing for! A wonderful post that reminded me of taking the time to celebrate special moments of our lives!

Autumn: 2011

Something a little different this week to express the transition of autumn – and life – through poetry, music and images:

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Valentina - November 2, 2011 - 8:22 am

Sheryl- thank you for that post, I had goose bumps and tears coming up, especially since I never before grieved the summer being over like this year where it happened so fast. I wish I could be as grounded as a tree and as brave as it leaves….love, valentina

Sheryl Paul - November 2, 2011 - 8:33 am

Thank you, Valentina. Sounds like summer left quickly in your part of the world as well!

Bettina - November 2, 2011 - 2:52 pm

This is so beautiful, I cried and cried, (I didn’t even understand every word, just listening to your voice, that is soo calming!) Thank you Sheryl!

The Joy of Not Knowing

I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, Letters to a Young Poet

One of the things I love about Colorado is the blurriness of the seasons, the way it can hail in June and we can have 60 degree days in January. Just this morning, I took a bike ride with my sons wearing… Click here to continue reading…

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Marisa - October 27, 2011 - 9:10 pm

I just swung by the blog because I felt like it had been a while since I’d read a new post and have been itching for one. How lucky am I to have found the newest installation, which, as always, is exactly on point for where I am in my life right now. It is bizarre to me that you write to the very heart of the matter that I find myself in. The uncertainties of life have been wearing on me lately-perhaps not incoincidentally as I approach my 30th birthday. Life’s questions seem big and scary and overwhelming, and it’s hard for me not to have the answers and not to know exactly how I feel. This blog is a place I come back to because of these uncertainties. There is a tremendous amount of peace that radiates off my laptop when I am here and I send you thanks each time I visit. I am still unsure and afraid and worried, but your and Rilke’s words help ease the discomfort, and I am grateful.

Sheryl Paul - October 27, 2011 - 9:17 pm

Yes, the uncertainties will certainly flare up around birthdays, especially the big ones. And as you’re making room for the questions, also make room for the fear, the worry, and, as always, the grief. It’s often when you allow the grief to rush through you – the grief of letting go of your 20s, the grief of old losses, the grief of not knowing, the grief of being human – that the uncertainty becomes more palatable.

Ashley - October 31, 2011 - 9:16 am

Thank you for posting this! This Saturday, with leaves still on the trees, snow began to fall in NY. As last winter was so difficult for me, I naturally fear another round of winter… and yet, somehow, I feel like God was saying with this anomaly of in-between seasons, it is all going to be okay. And so, I stayed inside. I bundled up next to my husband. I rested. I reflected. I also enjoyed the presence of the moment. Seasons change, weather can be unpredictable… but God is always here for me, no matter my present circumstance, to remind that everything is okay just as it is.

Sheryl Paul - October 31, 2011 - 11:38 am

Beautiful, Ashley. Yes, God is the through-line, the only consistency in a life that’s inherently full of contradiction and inconsistencies.

Melanie - November 2, 2011 - 9:47 am

I just started the conscious wedding e-courses. Through my entire engagement and now right after my engagement I have been an anxious wreck trying to figure out where all this anxiety is coming from. I know I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, but I have days where I get so out of control nervous and anxious because not knowing and having that control of what will happen in the future scares me. Wondering did I make the right decision, will I lose my husband someday to something horrible like death or divorce. I have confiding in my husband everyday about what I have been feeling and just recently the question came up between us about that titled honeymoon stage going away, and I honestly let my psyche believe that because I don’t feel like that all the time that I questioned did I make the right decision. My mind has been in constant struggle with what I know my heart wants and what my head is telling me. Conscious wedding e-courses has been my first peace of mind to telling me that I am not crazy! It is showing me how to deal with the Colorado days and give light to all the misconceptions I had about love and marriage and also how this is a transition in life that may not be easy, but I will say yes to love. God blessed me last night when I found this!

Sheryl Paul - November 2, 2011 - 9:58 am

I’m so glad you found your way here! As you work through the lessons of the e-course, you will learn how to manage the unknown of the future, accept the uncertainty of the decision to marry, and break down the fantasies and unrealistic expectations about love and marriage. You’re definitely not crazy!

Liesl - November 2, 2011 - 11:18 am

Thank you so much for this post! I am 36 weeks pregnant and have been on a roller coaster due to the questions – “Is my baby going to be okay?” and “Am I going to be okay?” And of course the answer is to keep my heart open and continue to love. We are both exactly where we need to be. We are both being taken care of. We ARE okay! Thank you for the reminder.

Bettina - November 2, 2011 - 11:18 am

wonderful!!! thank you!

KD - November 2, 2011 - 11:29 am

Sheryl,
Excellent post. As someone who is riddled with anxiety, feeling ‘out of control’ and not having the answers seem like the worst things in the world. Thanks for reminding me that it’s OK, and things will make sense in their own time.

Damselflies and Dragonflies

It’s the cold pocket encased in the tail-end husks of a warm summer breeze. It’s the trickle of creek after the fertile rush of spring’s runoff. It’s the fading light at the end of a golden afternoon. These are the signposts that say, “It’s time to turn inward. It’s time to let go.”

As we do every equinox, we walked down to the creek to release our prayers of letting go. Today, most likely as a result of some challenging recent events, Everest didn’t want to make his traditional letting go leaf boats. He didn’t want to use anything for our ritual that he would have to literally let go of.

“How about we write our letting go prayers onto rocks and throw them into the creek?” I suggested.

“If we can take them out when we’re done,” he replied.

“How about we write our prayers onto branches?”… Click here to continue reading…

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Natalie Caine - September 26, 2011 - 11:01 am

Thank you for your post. I felt so calm reading your words. We too did our letting go ritual for equinox. A falcon swept over me, landing in my front yard eucalyptus tree as I was walking to my front door morning after the ritual. I think it is a symbol of transitions. I could hardly believe that gift, since you and I are so passionate about supporting people walking transitions. Love when that happens! Two days later, for the first time, two coyotes were in my front yard as I was heading to the farmer’s market. I live in the city. Expect the unexpected and enjoy the curiosity.
Natalie Caine

Nina - September 29, 2011 - 8:51 pm

Today I was reading one of the most lovely creative blogs I visit and she spoke of this for Rosh Hashannah – http://webloomhere.blogspot.com/2011/09/tashlich.html – it reminded me of your post from last year when I believe you wrote about this…and I am so glad I read both.

I don’t know if I have a hard time letting go of everything but some things, I’ve realized, I cling to with a fierce tenacity long past what is healthy and productive. so I appreciate that insight. I have been trying to help my son, Asher, to learn to let go but I see that IF I don’t, there is no way he is going to learn to do so. I also have never really appreciate dragon flies till reading this…thank you for that. I think they are cool and all but a bit over-commercialized for me.

anyway, I mostly wanted to say thank you for expanding my mind with your post.

Sheryl Paul - September 30, 2011 - 7:26 am

Nina – Thank you for sending me to We Bloom Here. What a beautiful site and beautiful Rosh Hashanah post! Yes, it’s hard to let go of everything (and I’m not sure we’re meant to). Love that we both have Ashers : )