Category Archives: Moving

Whatever You Water Will Grow

This summer I was determined to grow a beautiful, thriving garden. Last spring I packed away my excuses (not enough time, it’s impossible with a toddler underfoot) and proceeded, under the tutelage of my dear friend, Lisa, to begin my seedlings in greenhouses beneath homemade ligthboxes. My older son and I attended to them faithfully each day and delighted as each little green sprout poked its head above ground. We watered them, transplanted them, and loved them. (Everest insisted on eating lunch beside them to make sure they felt loved.) And when it was finally time to plant them outdoors, we did so with tender loving care. This would surely be the year that we picked peas and kale straight from our own backyard!

All proceeded well for several weeks. I found time to water and weed them each day and, sure enough, the peas began to flourish. My soul… Click here to continue reading…

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Lindsey Morrow - August 1, 2011 - 9:50 pm

Good post. And so true. I try focusing more on solutions rather than problems. I think watering in the right place is helpful.

Great analogy!

Leisha - August 2, 2011 - 12:35 am

Perfect for today! When I read the title of your post I knew it would touch on the topic of fear. Many thanks Sheryl!

Michelle - August 4, 2011 - 1:24 pm

Beautiful post! How do you determine which thoughts are safe to water and which ones are not? In other words, if you have the thought “I don’t love my fiancee” as you posted, how do you know that it’s a thought that should not be watered? What if you are missing something very important by not paying that thought attention?

Sheryl Paul - August 4, 2011 - 5:23 pm

Great question (and one that several people have asked me via email). If there are red-flags in the relationship, then it’s time to give credence to the thought, “I don’t love him.” However, usually when there are red-flag issues, you don’t think, “I don’t love him.” The thoughts are more along the lines of, “I don’t trust him. I don’t feel safe with him. I don’t feel supported by him.” In other words, in a red flag situation, there are tangible issues you can point to that absolutely deserve more attention. In a healthy relationship, there aren’t.

Moving… with children

Last week, I blogged about the emotional aspects of the moving transition and how to contextualize what is triggered when we move. I mentioned that I would talk more about how to help children transition through a move using context and rituals in a way that is meaningful for them.

We’ve moved twice with our son, Everest. The first move occurred when at two years old when we relocated from Los Angeles to Denver. Given that moving is almost always emotionally challenging for adults and given that Everest is a highly sensitive child, I knew that we had to prepare him as best we could in every way possible. I wanted to impart to him the three-stage context of transitions in a way that would penetrate his little two year old self. I knew that I needed to allow him to grieve and let go of… Click here to continue reading…

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Natalie - July 7, 2010 - 6:20 pm

Very interesting post, Sheryl. I’m finding myself drawn to this right now. I learned the vocabulary of the stages of transition when I found your book 3 years ago, so those terms aren’t new to me. What I’m realizing right now is it’s the liminal stage that I may still be in.

My husband and I moved a year ago back to where we wanted to settle and start our family. Everything felt more “right” than it had in a long time to me. Then, his job situation changed. Dreams died… buying a house, being ready to “throw caution to the wind” and start a family, and putting down some roots. He’s going through his own change as he’s deciding what he’d like to do with his life. It’s been 2 months and progress is slow. Although the death of these dreams stings much less, I’m realizing that I’m still feeling very much in limbo with what lies ahead and what my life is going to shape out to be… just when I was starting to be able to envision it in a clearer manner.

Thank you for acknowledging that the liminal stage can last for quite some time. I also wonder if for me, it comes and goes in many short bursts. I’ll start to feel comfortable, then off, then comfortable, etc.

Sheryl Paul - July 7, 2010 - 6:32 pm

Thank you, Natalie. The truth is that we’re almost always in the liminal zone, and the great spiritual masters would say that life on earth is one great in-between zone beginning (or ending) with birth and ending (or beginning) with death. I think that these earlier years – 20s, 30s, 40s – are fraught with so many transitions that it can feel challenging to settle into the eddies of life’s currents. In other words, it can feel like we’re always in the middle of the river.

I think that many people are experiencing an extended liminal right now with the current economic challenges that so many are facing. I’m conceptualizing a blog on this topic in terms of seeing the value in a lay-off or even unemployment, but I think at the core it’s really about making friends with the state of impermanence, which is hard for everyone.

Shannon Watson - July 30, 2010 - 8:38 pm

Thank you for this Sheryl. Wise words and also interesting similarities in your story and what we are experiencing, too- our daughter is almost 2 and this is an inbetween move before intended destination… We have just now found the place to move into after over a month of searching and I am now collecting photos to use in a little book for our daughter about our upcoming move. That is a great idea! She loves books.
Wish us luck!
Warm regards, *Shannon*
P.S. Thanks for taking the time to view my artwork and your kind words. I was touched.

admin - July 31, 2010 - 8:06 pm

Shannon – Good luck and let me know how it goes!

Guest Post by Dr. Margaret Paul: The Emotional Transition of Moving

I’m delighted to publish this post from my mother, Margaret Paul, who’s been a psychotherapist for 40 years and is the co-creator of a powerful process of healing called Inner Bonding.

***

My family moved to Los Angeles from upstate New York when I was 13 months old. That was my first moving transition, and it was a life-threatening one. Leaving my grandfather to whom I was deeply connected caused me so much distress that I almost died. Not a great introduction to transition!

I grew up in Los Angeles the rest of my life until 9 years ago. I lived in, raised my children, and worked in the same house for 31 years. When all my children left, living and working in that big house alone was too lonely, so I decided to move to Santa Fe and share a home with my best friend, Erika.

Packing up a… Click here to continue reading…

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Joyce Petrosky - July 5, 2010 - 11:44 am

Thank you Margaret. I totally understand the nearly dying when you first moved. I don’t remember the first move when I was 5. I must have pushed it aside as we moved away from all my cousins, aunts and uncles and even though it was only 5 miles away on a busy highway, it might as well have been 2,000 miles. There was no longer the daily contact with cousins, playfriends that could get me away from the stress of living at the same place my father had his business. I do remember being lonely, taking long walks into the woods and down the back roads that todayw ould be dangerous! I remember packing my things, putting them on a long stick when I was 7 and deciding I was going to “run away”. I went as far as the woods before I changed my mind and turned back. Not so easy to do at nightfall as it is in the daylight. The Major move occurred when I was 9 when we left everyone and with a caravan of 4 trucks and 3 cars, we headed from NJ to Maine. This move was the one I thought I would not survive and in some ways I think some parts of me did not. I was leaving the only person in my life who had shown me any love. My parents, in their own sense of humor had shown me our “new home” which amounted to a tar paper shack, minus windows and doors and wild plants growing up and onto the roof. On the same group of pictures were bears climbing trees. We had just finished a play in my 4th grade class of pioneers and a bear coming into the home. I cried all the way to Maine and no one bothered to aske me why, they just left me alone as I curled in a ball and sobbed. Of course, our home didn’t turn out to be the one they had shown, but the isolation was much more intense. As I read your blog, one of the things that struck me was how much you had saved and had to learn to let go of and then grieve the loss. My experiences with moving, which were many, must have changed this piece for me. For all the years of living, the attachments are much less. Pictures, my girls first clothes coming home from the hospital and a wooden box filled with the things they made me over the years as children. Otherwise, I have no attachment. Each move I made there was always less and less. As I start to clean out my father’s home of things he and my mother gathered over the years, I feel nothing and this feels sad to me. I ponder over “what if” this has some importance to it? I read 400 boxes you moved and I thought “wow”! vWhat will your next move consists of? How many boxes when you find your ranch? How will this
transition be compared to others?

Margaret Paul - July 5, 2010 - 5:31 pm

Joyce, thanks for taking the time to share this. I’ve cut down considerably since then and the next move will not be nearly as hard!

Joyce Petrosky - July 12, 2010 - 8:21 pm

That’s good, and now you have that nice big truck of Erika’s to boot!

Margaret Paul - July 12, 2010 - 8:42 pm

Right!

Moving

Have you ever read the statistic that says that moving is the third most stressful event you can endure, following death and divorce? I’m always stunned by this statement. Let’s take a moment to digest this: Death, divorce, moving… Wow. Clearly, for it to rank so high on the list, the stress cannot possibly be solely due to the practical aspects; it doesn’t equate that packing up one house and moving to another location would trigger this level of emotional response. But in the worldview of Conscious Transitions, it makes perfect sense. Furthermore, the level of stress that moving typically instigates is equivalent to the level of healing that’s possible when we approach this transition consciously.

Like every transition, there’s a practical element and an emotional piece. Moving, like the wedding or preparing for a baby’s arrival, certainly comes with a host of items that need to get done. But… Click here to continue reading…

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Shannon - July 4, 2010 - 4:24 pm

Thank you for this Sheryl. Perfect timing for me to read and help me reflect. My family is preparing for an unplanned move- our landlords surprised us with a termination of our lease. And with this outward push to move and lack of control thrust upon us, I have experienced many emotions. I know there are many layers to this and I am trying to give time to each of these layers in order to heal from past memories that this brings up and to fully process this stage of our journey together. I want to fully embrace this and be present. It is definitely not a linear process I have been experiencing for sure… more fluid, bouncing from different feelings to practical aspects ( like the fact that we have to move in less than 2 months and still haven’t been able to find a place suitable…)

We are planning an exciting move in the next few years to a smaller community that has the only Waldorf school in the Atlantic provinces in Canada, but not all of the pieces are in place for that move yet. So now we are looking at more moves within these next years. Not ideal, but it is what it is and we will get through this.

In the short 3 years that we have lived in this home, we have gotten married and hosted our wedding, I spent most of my laboring journey here, and our darling daughter has spent her first 2 years here… so a lot of beautiful big life has happened here.

Our daughter is very aware and verbal for her short years and I am wanting to be very conscious how I deal with the stress I feel right now with this and how we handle these next 2 months. I am curiously awaiting what advice you are going to offer in your promised upcoming post about moving with young children. We are planning to have her involved in the moving process and also have some meaningful good bye/beginning rituals surrounding this time of switching homes.

Thank you for your continual words of wisdom regarding transitions.
Warmly,
Shannon

Sheryl Paul - July 5, 2010 - 11:25 pm

Shannon – Thank you for your thoughtful and honest comment and I will definitely be blogging about moving with children this week. Your artwork is beautiful, by the way.

Katie Wise - July 7, 2010 - 12:18 pm

Many thanks to you, Sheryl. I used your Conscious Bride book less than two years ago when I was preparing to get married. My husband and I really went for the transitions when we got married, moved across the country, sold a business, started a new business, and he started law school, and we got pregnant all in August 2008.

Now, two years later, we are moving into my mother’s house to save money for a year. So the move has layers with it, for sure. Moving with our one year old son has certainly been a challenge. With so many personal shifts since our last move, I also find myself really letting go of things that represent another me. (high heels, short skirts, hipster tight jeans) It feels like a powerful letting go, and your blog really highlights the underneath significance in shedding our old belongings and moving on.

I know we’ll be finding blocks and toys in just about every box, as my son is proving to be very “helpful” in the move. So I look forward to your next post. WE move Saturday. I’ve already had a few good cries, and you are right, they actually make me MORE productive.

off to pack!

katie

Janelle - July 7, 2010 - 2:12 pm

Katie,

I saw that you had to go through a lot of transitions during the year that you were getting married. How was your engagement experience with all of the other stuff going on? I’m also going through a lot of transitions right now and I’m also getting married in less then a month.

Thanks!

Sheryl Paul - July 7, 2010 - 6:28 pm

Katie – Thank you for sharing your story. I’ve actually found that getting married is often accompanied by several transitions – often moving, a job/career change, and sometimes getting pregnant.

I think we’ve actually met once or twice before in Boulder, and I just read on your site that you lived in Santa Monica, so our paths have crossed more than once. I look forward to crossing paths again – and blessings to you on your move and processes of letting go.

Katie Wise - August 11, 2010 - 3:08 pm

Thanks again Sheryl, we are all settled in. I actually found it to be one of the most “grounded” moving experiences I’ve ever had. I think because as a mom, you just don’t have time for your own story sometimes! I look forward to crossing paths again as well! Bring your kiddos into my studio sometime! (Yo Mama Yoga in Boulder) I’d love to thank you in person for all your great writings.

Janelle, thank you for asking. I found my engagement process to be quite intense actually. Much harder than being married! Partly because of all the transitions, and partly just my own journey to letting myself be fully loved. I also found myself “testing” my husband, making sure he would love all the sides of me, the messy, the young, the selfish sides, all of it.

I had a wise teacher who said that the engagement period is the time that you “engage” with the issues of being married. That was certainly true for me. My husband and I just celebrated our 2nd anniversary, and these two years (as far as our marriage) have been much easier than the year we were engaged. Good luck to you!

[...] 6, 2010 by Sheryl Paul Last week, I blogged about the emotional aspects of the moving transition and how to contextualize what is triggered when we move. I mentioned that I would talk more about [...]

[...] of other emotions that aren’t inquired about. When you buy a house, you also have to endure the transition of a move. A first time homebuyer is often struck by the level of responsibility triggered by the purchase of [...]

[...] go of the security of living under our parents’ roof (or the illusion of security). When we move, we let go of memories and attachments connected to the old dwelling. When we become parents, we [...]