Parenthood transitions » Conscious Transitions

Posted in Anxiety, Parenthood transitions Tags: anxiety, conscious transitions, control, engagement anxiety, inner bonding, loving adult, sheryl paul, temper tantrums

1 comment

Sarah - February 22, 2012 - 7:53 am

What a wonderfully compassionate-yet-firm way of handling temper tantrums. The idea of children trying to control things has been on my mind lately. I don’t have children of my own, but I have some smaller piano students that, while they’re past the meltdown stage, still try and figure out who is in charge during a piano lesson. I think it’s awesome that you’re teaching him about boundaries, how to handle big emotions, and that these strong feelings don’t detract from your love. And also a great thought when related to anxiety. I often feel like my “inner child” needs to rage and cry and melt down a little. And when I let her do that, the storm passes a lot quicker than when I say “that’s ridiculous…settle down and get over it.” Thanks for the post!

Tuesday, January 24, 2012

From Anxiety to Creativity/Spirituality

Posted in Anxiety, Parenthood transitions, Transitions - General, Wedding/marriage transition

My clients and e-course members are some of the wisest, most compassionate, creative, kind, and loving people with whom I’ve ever come into contact. They’re interesting, intelligent, introspective, and curious. Are there any adjectives I’ve left out?! Oh, just one: they’re also the most anxious.

It’s an interesting paradox of life that opposites are often paired together : We cannot have daytime without night or light without darkness. Spring and summer cannot exist without autumn and winter. We cannot feel true joy without opening our hearts to pain, grief, and loss. And the multi-dimensional richness of human beings generally includes straddling the apparent opposites of the positive characteristics I’ve listed above with the darker territories of the human psyche.

And now I’m about the contradict myself: anxiety, instead of being a permanent state of psyche, is a doorway into deeper growth and expanded consciousness. In my younger years… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Anxiety, Parenthood transitions, Transitions - General, Wedding/marriage transition Tags: anxiety and creativity, anxiety and poetry, anxiety and spirituality, engagement anxiety, transition of marriage

8 comments

Janelle - January 24, 2012 - 8:08 pm

Love this! This is so true for me

“To him… a touch is a blow, a sound is a noise, a misfortune is a tragedy, a joy is an ecstasy, a friend is a lover, a lover is a god, and failure is death.”

I don’t have a middle ground, I have to be extremely content or very sad….I don’t have a middle ground. This is something that I continue to work on after the wedding : )

Ashley - January 25, 2012 - 7:30 am

oh Sheryl! this is BEAUTIFUL! your poem in particular. so soothing. so gentle. so accepting. thank you for the work you do and share with others.

sarah - January 25, 2012 - 7:38 pm

this is amazing. i was especially touched by your opening paragraph; it’s nice to be reminded of the light when the darkness can feel so consuming. i know i have so much to offer this world and that anxiety can easily get the best of me. but with your support, i’m learning that I’m not my anxiety. it’s great working with you.

Judy - January 27, 2012 - 8:12 am

Thank-you Sheryl again for a great article & I believe there are no mistakes in the world…many of us “sensitive” people are going through anxiety right now as the world shifts…making us feel even more vulnerable…I have been having this expereince for the past week or so….so your article had perfect timing.
I also agree that at least for me that when I am not creative I am clearly more anxious…nice to read about the correlations…
Thank-you …Namaste

Lizbeth - January 27, 2012 - 9:17 am

I agree completely with you Sheryl. I realized this summer that my creativity was my link to Source and the spiritual connection I had been seeking all my life. Now when I get up in the morning and go to sleep I feel a calmness I have never known before. Like you said, I often wake up with entire ideas implanted in my brain, or solutions to problems, or just comforting thoughts about setting my intentions for a joyful, productive, creative, and inspiring day.

Rather than stress about everything I NEED to do, I honor my feelings and take time to do what feels right. I do the things that feed my soul, and spark my creativity rather than shut it down….and I think it is making me a better person, parent, wife, friend…etc.

I am about to engage in a 7 week course in Kabbalah 101. I like what they are saying…am hoping it is going to keep me on track and provide me with “like-minded” people as I explore this deeper connection to myself and others.

Sheryl Paul - January 27, 2012 - 8:24 pm

Thank you for your lovely comments.

Liz, I love what you’ve shared here and I particularly look forward to hearing about your Kabbalah class!

Shannon Rose Watson - January 27, 2012 - 10:22 pm

Sheryl dear, Thank you so much for this post. Again you and your words come to me in the dead of night to inspire and encourage me to continue on my path. These words resonates so strongly for me and speaks to a younger version of myself as an artist, trapped in anxiety and fears that I remember, but no longer serve.

The first and last time we communicated was a year and a half ago when I responded about a post on transitions and moving. It was a very valuable exchange for me and it reinforced what I knew from my Waldorf training about story and laying the foundation for changes in a child’s life, to reach the child where they are at in their imagination. I was already telling oral stories to help prepare my daughter for the move and our correspondance further inspired me to create an actual book with a story and phots to document where her life had been and where we were going in her real life. It worked like magic and the transition went so smooth that friends around us still talk to us about how that was handled. And I have a book now, waiting in my creative projects to be created into a more general storybook for any child going through a move… with a song, poetry verse and storyline… one of many of my creative projects that are begging me to get to. I am getting back to you, to thank you for you sharing your family moving story with me, which helped further our own story with our daughter.

I am in the midst of a family baby moon right now and everything is precious with expansive and elastic time. I gave birth for the 2nd time on January 17th. And things are a.m.a.z.i.n.g. right now. Such a beautiful time with so many unexpected ripples and gifts and challenges and flow. Flow in life. In the beauty of the moment. And so so much love in my family bubble with our new baby daughter. And I am , as you know, in the midst of a huge transformation time… and your words come to me in between feedings, at a brief computer moment where I am checking for the first time in absolute days,… and I recognize a sister soul.

I am choosing to break this container of 40day retreat to touch in with you because your words have reached me for a purpose in this stage of my retreat and I want to honor that. I am an artist, Waldorf teacher, facilitator of retreats combining the arts with contemplative and communication practices,… and a proud proud Mama of a 3 yr old and a brand new baby girl bundle… who is between worlds right now landing each day a bit more to grace us with her beautiful presence and love. I have been waiting for a long while for the right timing for all of my passions to come together to offer in the world and through this first 10 days since the birth of my 2nd daughter I have had such amazing experiences and insights into my life, being, as you know, the most open to the flow of life as a woman can be at this moment, and have experienced healings and oh, so so many things.

I would like to speak with you from my cocoon, or after, at a point of your and mine convenience about what strikes me about yours and mine work and what I have been coming to realize in these last 10 powerful days of openness and pure state of what I am meant to be doing next.
Please contact me through my e-mail.

Looking forward to connecting again,
Warmly, Shannon

sunnyday - January 28, 2012 - 9:09 am

Wow! This is so true! Someone once told me that I am an anxious person because I am a creative person and that I should see my anxiety as a gift. It has taken time and work and now I do. I am always looking for new projects to tap into this creativity.

Tuesday, November 29, 2011

“I’m Scared to Love You Because I’m Scared You’re Going to Die”

Posted in Anxiety, Divorce/Calling it Off/Break Up, Parenthood transitions, Wedding/marriage transition

My mother was in town last weekend to celebrate an early Thanksgiving. We had a lovely time and it filled my heart to see the way she delights in my boys and affirms our out-of-the-box parenting choices. Being of like mind and similar temperament, she and Everest have always had a special connection, but something seemed to cross over to a new level this trip. As he shared his passion for technology and she reveled in the workings of his mind, I could see Everest opening his heart to her fully. He taught her how to make a Bucky Ball cube, showed her his Perplexus 3D marble maze, and listened together to Jack and Annie traveling to Italy to apprentice under Leonardo da Vinci for a day in a Magic Treehouse audiobook. Grandma scratched his back as they lounged on the couch together and he relaxed completely into their bond.… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Anxiety, Divorce/Calling it Off/Break Up, Parenthood transitions, Wedding/marriage transition Tags: fear of commitment, fear of intimacy, fear of letting go, fear of loss, fear of loving, fear of opening one's heart

11 comments

Shauna - November 29, 2011 - 2:37 pm

I love this post. You never cease to amaze me, Sheryl.

Just the other night, my man and I were playing the questions game (which really means we take turns asking questions of each other) and he asked me, “what scares you the most about moving forward in our life together?”. Because I was so happy in the moment, and because I love him so much, this question scared me because deep down, I am truly terrified of losing him.

He will be officially become a police officer in a few short months and everyone I tell, looks at me with these sad eyes and asks if I know what I am getting myself into. Of course, this only adds to my stress (and makes me what to SLAP them). I know “its better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all” or however it goes, but sometimes, it feels safer to not risk losing him by not trusting in us and our relationship.

Teri - November 29, 2011 - 3:24 pm

A powerful post. You have untangled the yarn. I wonder how many times I will read what I know to be true before it settles in my heart- for real.

Sheryl Paul - November 29, 2011 - 3:30 pm

And I wonder how many times I’ll write it before it settles into my deepest knowing… : )

Sheryl Paul - November 29, 2011 - 3:33 pm

Thank you, Shauna. It takes great courage to love no matter what the specific circumstances and yes, the safe route is not to risk loving at all. But life isn’t about being safe, is it? It’s opening learning to open our hearts as wide as they will go and inviting our dear loved ones to dive on in.

Dana Wilde - November 30, 2011 - 9:34 am

Thank you, Sheryl – This is beautiful! I also love knowing your mom, and how much she has been important to my own life, healing, and learning to be a loving adult. Due to getting so hurt by the adults as a tiny developing person (perhaps even starting in the womb), my heart’s been protected for so long — so learning to even recognize it, and to make new choices open my heart is still an ongoing challenge/journey for me, even with 10 years of Inner Bonding therapy under my belt. Forming loving attachments/bonds with adults/peers = new for me. Animals and children = easy

Yellow - December 1, 2011 - 10:38 am

I have enjoyed your posts immensely, Sheryl. I have to tell you that your website and insights have been key for me in figuring out the source of my fears surrounding my husband and marriage, fears which I agonized over since getting serious with him almost 10 years ago. I have spent so much time believing the lies that my fears have fabricated & suffering so much at the hands of those fears, and so seeing you articulate them and “call them out” has helped me very much. I loved the part in this post where you say, “he’s socially awkward, doesn’t have a good sense of humor,” etc…these are things that I have agonized over, personally. I am so blessed to read them and be reminded that other people go through this, and that nothing and nobody is perfect.

Sheryl Paul - December 1, 2011 - 10:56 am

Isn’t it amazing how easy it is to connect with animals and kids?! They can still hurt us (die) but somehow it feels more manageable.

Sheryl Paul - December 1, 2011 - 10:58 am

It’s always astonishing to me how infrequently we hear the truth in our culture about what people really struggle with in intimate relationships. We know that they can be hard, but we don’t really know why they’re hard and that the majority of it has to do with believing fear’s lies. I’m so glad you’ve found your way here and that the information has been helpful.

Nina - December 3, 2011 - 9:47 am

Shortly after meeting my son’s father, we were discussing a life together and he acted like a little kid “this can really happen to me?” he asked in amazement. Sure, I replied. Literally within hours of being thrilled that maybe, this was possible for him, his fear came up with so many reasons as to why it wouldn’t/couldn’t work. Then he’d go back and forth with maybe…no…yes…maybe…I got sooo sooo tired of trying to overcome them for him and convince him it was real and right, I just gave up and moved on. Sadly, his fear has also led him to not be a father because he refused to give up addictive and mental health issues that I didn’t want my child to be exposed to. Just the other day, after going through my son having surgery and other life changes I was thinking about him, how my son is FOUR and has never met him and thought “he is such a coward”

Its nice that you can be compassionate about it, me, I’m just mad, and disappointed, and find it hard to be understanding. I know about fear, I feel it all the time but really, if I let it dictate my actions I’d never get out of a little ball curled up in the corner…so I just go and do anyway. and amazing things happen.

Sheryl Paul - December 4, 2011 - 5:28 pm

Nina: I imagine that underneath your anger and resentment there’s a lot of grief, loneliness, and helplessness that he didn’t make a different choice and he allowed fear to dictate his actions. You can’t convince someone else that it’s right; it’s something they need to come to on their own. And the truth is that it’s really his loss as he’s missing out on the greatest gift of being a father, and that’s where the compassion comes in.

chantel - December 15, 2011 - 4:52 pm

i love your post. this gives me great comfort to know im not the only one. after my father leaving me when i was 8, intimate relationships with men has always been a problem for me. i am not with an amazing guy who is the man of my dreams. who treats me so well (after years of dating bad men) and sometimes i still get the feeling where i need to break up with him, or i find any reason under the sun as to why i shouldnt be with him.. but read your post comforts me in knowing that i shouldnt believe the fears lies … thank u

Tuesday, October 18, 2011

Voices of Anxiety: I’m Not Enough

Posted in 20s, Parenthood transitions, Transitions - General, Wedding/marriage transition

Yesterday I took my sons to observe a Parkour class. I had never heard of Parkour until my husband pointed out that Everest has been doing it naturally around our house. I watched a few videos on it and thought, “Why not? Let’s give it a try.” It’s a street art that combines gymnastics, running, and leaping to create a Ninja-like, monkey-esque crazy amazing physical experience. My boys love watching it, are compelled to do it, and so it seemed like it could be a natural fit.

My current parenting motto is, “Go where the yes is.” I know there’s value in pushing even when there’s a “no”, and I do that as well at times, but for the most part I’m interested in supporting the stream of “yes” when I see it flowing in either of my boys. Sometimes it takes me a while to let go of my… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in 20s, Parenthood transitions, Transitions - General, Wedding/marriage transition Tags: anxiety, engagement anxiety, i'm not enough, ppd

12 comments

http://conscious-transitions.com/free-teleclass-birthing/

Bettina - October 19, 2011 - 3:28 pm

Sheryl, I LOVE that. Thank you so much. Your little boy seems to be very wise and intuitive. what a luck he has parents who give him the room for it and honour it.
Thank you for this post!
Bettina

Leisha - October 19, 2011 - 9:15 pm

Thank you as always for sharing your wisdom! Oddly,
I was part of a discussion on this very topic just last night! I definitely believe in the journey, but admittedly enjoy the recognition when I have achieved something I have worked hard at, although that’s not why I do things in the first place. Hmmm, so many thoughts on this matter for so many different facets of
life.

Emily - October 20, 2011 - 1:31 am

I just want to say thank you for this article. It was a blessing to me. Sometimes we need someone like you to remind us of our worthiness. Thifhelimbilu

alysonk - October 20, 2011 - 6:44 am

Love this. Grace is key! We need to stop being so hard on others and on ourselves. It’s an endless cycle.

Sheryl, your wisdom is inspiring and so helpful. Thank you for these posts!

Sheryl Paul - October 20, 2011 - 11:00 am

It’s wonderful to receive recognition for your achievements. The problem arises when your self-worth is linked to receiving the recognition instead of connected to your intrinsic worthiness. It sounds like your motivation to achieve is arising from a natural and authentic place inside of you!

Katie Abalos - October 20, 2011 - 3:23 pm

Thank you Sheryl for your wonderful post, it made my day reminding me of something that’s usually forgotten!

Carole - October 22, 2011 - 10:26 am

Thanks for this post, Sheryl! I can relate to the feeling of now what after graduation and marriage. Learning that I am worthy just as I am is a growing theme in my life lately. Thanks for this!

Sheryl Paul - October 22, 2011 - 7:13 pm

You’re welcome!

Sopotito - October 25, 2011 - 4:03 pm

Thank you for these wise words. I hope I could learn how to put them into practice in my life.

You descibe very accurately the situation in which I find myself at the moment, not having any idea who I am separate from my externals after graduation, in my thirties (after the official “identity searching” years should already be over), having entered a serious relationship which is getting more serious all the time… I realize I have been concerned just about “what I do” and have no clue whatsoever about “what I am”. And it’s also been very much about “what I should or have to do” and not about “what I want to do or feel like doing”.

I’ve lost track of who I am so completely I don’t even know where to start looking. I’ve been to a counselor all these years but could never really connect with her. As I felt it did not help me at all I stopped going there about two years ago. Now I’m on my own, endlessly questioning everything I’ve done so far and everything I do or plan doing next, which doesn’t help me at all to find out who I really am, instead it just makes me more anxious.

I hope I had someone around like your son has you, someone who understands and supports. Still I feel lucky that I’ve found your blog and your writings, which give me comfort and new ideas. Thank you.

Sheryl Paul - October 25, 2011 - 8:28 pm

I’m so glad you found your way here. Most people grow up and have no idea who they are because their core essence was never reflected back to them. While it’s important to grieve this lack of reflection and guidance, the good news is that it’s entirely possible to discover who you are and learn how to make decisions when you develop the Loving Adult that you never had as a child. This is what I teach in my counseling practice through Inner Bonding, and if you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to head over to innerbonding.com to check out this powerful and highly effective self-healing process.

Sopotito - November 13, 2011 - 4:02 am

Thank you very much for your reply. Fortunately I’ve found my way to the innerbonding.com website through your blog and am slowly trying to start working on this.

Reading your blog and the articles in the innerbonding.com website have been a great start, thank you. Unfrotunately there’s so much more going on in life all the time, that it’s difficult to find the time to dig deep in these issues, but I’m struggling because I know I really need to work on this.

Sheryl Paul - November 13, 2011 - 4:14 pm

I know that life is busy, but saying “I don’t have time to connect inward” is like saying to a young child, “I know you need me, but I will only carve out time when it’s convenient.” Life doesn’t work that way, and if you think of your Inner Child like an actual child, it may inspire you to make more time for her even when life takes over!

Saturday, October 1, 2011

Free Teleclass: “What Nobody Tells You To Expect When You’re Expecting”

Posted in Parenthood transitions

This morning I hosted a FREE teleclass on the topic of addressing your expectations regarding trying to conceive, pregnancy, and early motherhood. To listen to the replay, click on this link:

Remember when Brooke Shields broke the taboo on talking about postpartum depression? In this teleclass, together with a circle of experts, we broke the taboo on preconception, pregnancy, birth, and early motherhood and talked about topics that people simply don’t discuss anywhere else.

When people find my work on transitions, one of the most common questions I hear is, “How come no one talks about this?” The answer is that, when it comes to transitions, we live in a culture that propagates glossy-paged fantasies of unilateral bliss. We do not tell the truth, which leaves women and their partners feeling alone, inadequate and crazy, and prone to anxiety and depression.

In this free teleclass, we told the… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Parenthood transitions Tags: fertility anxiety, new motherhood, postpartum depression, pregnancy anxiety, ttc

no comments

Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Kindergarten: A Glimpse Of Empty Nest?

Posted in Empty Nest, Guest post, Parenthood transitions

Natalie and I met in the comments section of one of my posts on MariaShriver.com, where she mentioned her work with empty nest. It’s so rare that I meet other professionals who focus on transitions that I immediately and excitedly contacted her via email and, as empty nest is a bit of a hole on my site, I asked if she would contribute a guest post on this topic. Through our email discussions, the topic evolved to include the parenthood transition of starting Kindergarten, a popular (and often painful) topic for many of my friends and clients at this time of year. The following post is an intersection of these two topics of transition.

***

I met with a mother and father yesterday, and together we watched their little one kick the soccer ball while continuously wiping her blonde hair out of her face. She didn’t want a barrette. … Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Empty Nest, Guest post, Parenthood transitions Tags: empty nest, kindergarten, parents letting go

no comments

http://birthinganewmother.com/video-4

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Birthing a New Mother Home Study Program Now Available!

Posted in Parenthood transitions

My Birthing a New Mother program is now officially open for registration! If you sign up early, you’ll save $77 on the program!

And the first 20 people who sign up will receive a spot one year membership to a monthly telephone support group hosted by me and guest experts.

If you’re tired of feeling anxious or depressed during your transition of becoming a mother and you want to make sure that you’re ready to bond with your newborn and babyproof your marriage, I invite you to join me today for my new home study program, Birthing a New Mother: A Roadmap from Preconception through the First Year to Calm Your Anxiety, Fortify Your Marriage, and Prevent Postpartum Depression.

Here are a few important things to know about the program:

* It’s a self-paced program… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Parenthood transitions Tags: ppd, preparing emotionally for motherhood, prevent postpartum depression, trying to conceive, ttc

no comments

http://BirthingaNewMother.com

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Trying to Conceive, Pregnant, or a New Mother? Free Video Training Now Available!

Posted in Parenthood transitions

Most women who are trying to conceive, pregnant, or new mothers believe that if they eat the right foods, read the right books, and take the right classes, they’ll be able to manage their fertility or pregnancy anxiety, prevent postpartum depression, and be prepared to bond with their newborn.

I was one of these women, struggling either emotionally or physically at every stage of becoming a new mother. Although I had counseled thousands of women through transitions and had appeared several times as an expert on Oprah, nothing prepared for me for the emotional and spiritual earthquake of my own transition.

When my son was a year old, I threw myself into researching the motherhood transition, and that’s when I discovered the MISSING LINK.

Since offering my clients this missing link, I’ve watched every single one of them manage their fertility anxiety and calm their pregnancy fears. I’ve seen… Click here to continue reading…

Posted in Parenthood transitions Tags: conscious motherhood, fertility anxiety, new mothers, postpartum depression, pregnancy, preparing emotionally for motherhood, ttc

3 comments