Category Archives: Quotes

Friday Favorite Quote

A few months ago, a reader pointed me to a fabulous book called “Crossroads: The Quest for Contemporary Rites of Passage.” Based on the title alone, I knew I had to buy it immediately, and it’s since been a source of inspiration and guidance. As we move into the weekend which invites a slower pace and an opportunity to drop down into yourself, I’d like to share a few pages of the book with you for today’s quote. It’s from an essay by Malidoma Some called “Ritual, the Sacred, and Community.”

“I believe that one of the differences between the modern industrial world and the indigenous world has mostly to do with speed – and not with whether one world needs to have ritual and the other doesn’t. Speed takes toll on our attention by weakening our vigilance. By doing so it endangers the person in speed.… Click here to continue reading…

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Friday Favorite Quote

“I was learning what every spiritual guide and clergy knows, that at transitional times of life, marked by life passages and important holidays, people come out of their shells for more light… And on a grander scale, at the universal life junctures such as marriage, birth, and death people often express willingness to deepen their lives in ways that may have never interested them before. This is so because at these transitional times our normal defenses are lifted and we are shown a more expanded way of being.”

- Rabbi Tirzah Firestone, With Roots In Heaven, pp. 280-281

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Friday Quote: "The Way of Transition: Embracing Life's Most Difficult Moments"

While Arnold van Gennep introduced the term “rite of passage” to the West in 1960 through his book Rites of Passage, William Bridges brought the three-stage roadmap of transitions to mainstream culture with his book, Transitions: Making Sense of Life’s Changes, in 1980. If you’re interested about deepening your understanding of transitions, both books are must-reads. Today’s quotes come from Bridges’ more recent book, The Way of Transition: Embracing Life’s Most Difficult Moments (2001), in which he chronicles his wife’s dying process and his own parallel transition. Here are a few of my favorite passages (but really the entire book should be read because nearly every page contains gems):

“After I began working with people in transition, I found that ending and losses are the commonest first sign that people are in transition. These endings tend to be signaled by one of several experiences:

* a sudden and unexpected event… Click here to continue reading…

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Celene - July 21, 2010 - 2:49 pm

thank you soooo much for sharing these excerpts. there are many people who i will share this with who will benefit from this paradigm.

Friday Quote: The Importance of Honoring Transitions

One of the questions that Heather asked when she interviewed me for her wonderful Circle of Stones series was “What can we do globally to create a world that honors the transitions that we all go through, and that have to be recognized in order to create a more peaceful world?” I was humbled that she would ask me a question with such far-reaching ramifications, and I sat with it a long time before I answered. I had to ask myself, as I’ve asked many times before, “Does any of this matter? When there’s an oil spill in our oceans that’s killing and injuring hundreds of creatures each day, when innocent people are in detainment camps and opposing tribes are at war, when the planet is suffering from the consequences of our irresponsible choices and actions, does my work on transitions in my tiny corner of the world… Click here to continue reading…

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Friday Quote

“Rest is not idleness, and to lie sometimes on the grass, under the trees on a summer’s day, listening to the murmur of the water, or watching the clouds float across the sky, is by no means a waste of time.” – Sir John Lubbock

Central to the work of Conscious Transitions is being able to slow down enough to feel your feelings. For whether we’re getting married or moving, pregnant or entering empty nest, our culture encourages us at every turn to move as quickly as possible and fill every available time slot with things to do. When we move quickly and distract with the items on our to-do lists, we avoid feeling our feelings. But eventually the wedding will be over, the baby will be born, you’ll be settled into the new house, and the feelings that you refused to feel will come crashing down on you. So… Click here to continue reading…

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Friday Favorite Quotes

Once in a great while, I come across a book that speaks that language of transitions. When The Heart Waits: Spiritual Direction for Life’s Sacred Questions by Sue Monk Kidd (author of The Secret Life of Bees), in which Kidd chronicles her spiritual awakening activated by what we normally refer to as “midlife crisis”,  is one such book. The book follows Christian principles but, as the mystical aspects of all religions intersect at the same point, it applies to any spiritual and religious traditions. Following are a couple of my favorite passages:

“That was the moment the knowledge descended into my heart and I understood. Really understood. Crises, change, all the myriad upheavals that blister the spirit and leave us groping – they aren’t voices simply of pain but also of creativity. And if we would only listen, we might hear such times as beckoning us to a season of waiting,… Click here to continue reading…

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Barbara - June 20, 2010 - 5:26 am

Thank you for this post! I haven’t read this book yet, but I loved “The Secret Life of Bees.” The above quotes on waiting struck me because I’ve been dealing with a lot of “waiting” these days. Maybe waiting for physical, natural changes, but I know there must be a spiritual connection, too.

I’m looking forward to reading more of your blog…

http://ingebrita.wordpress.com/2010/06/06/more-on-waiting/

Written by Hand, Published at Dusk

Tonight, like every Friday night, I disconnect from the electronic world. I notice the momentary resistance, then I bookmark, quit out, shut down, and unplug for the next twenty-four hours. Just as I reset my computer, so I reset the direction of my focus from outward to inward. With the simple act of unplugging, I slow down and align my rhythm with nature’s pace who, despite our miraculous inventions in technology, moves at exactly the same speed that she’s moved since her birth.

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Leisha Clendenen - May 14, 2010 - 10:29 pm

Oh did this resonate with me! It calmed and soothed my soul instantly. I have had a few emotionally charged days as of late. It reminds me to just take some time away from everything to just be.

Sheryl Paul - May 15, 2010 - 7:28 pm

I’m glad it was helpful. Sometimes the best remedy for stressful days is to stop and withdraw from the world for a period of time. It’s so good to hibernate when you need it.

[...] aware as I am about the importance of creating and honoring empty spaces and fallow times in a day, a week, a month, and a year, I’m also aware of my tendency to fill those spaces [...]

Friday Favorite Quote: The Unknown

“Be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and try to love the questions themselves, like locked rooms and like books that are now written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given to you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.” – Rainer Maria Rilke

At the core of transition anxiety is our discomfort with the unknown. We, as a culture, are very attached to the definites and tangible of life: we want a date, a time, a number, a checklist, an answer. For the vast majority of my clients, their engagement or motherhood anxiety is relieved once the wedding or birth comes to pass. It’s in the anticipation that the… Click here to continue reading…

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Ginger - May 3, 2010 - 2:43 pm

Thank you Sheryl for all your wisdom. I stumbled across your website a few months ago. I ordered your book and have just passed it along a day or two ago. I can tell you than by reading your every word on your website plus your book has reduced my engagement anxiety by 95%. I am feeling so liberated that its not HIM. Its ME. its my own fears of the unknown. He is amazing. He will be a great father/husband/provider etc…Ive just been preaching transition, transition, transition to everyone. My Mom who still grieves her parents death 35 years ago and has a terrible time w/transition. My niece who is experiencing the same anxieties as me regarding marriage…Im so relieved. I also came to realize the new parent anxiety I experienced 5 years ago and can remember the day I had to trade in my Jeep for a Mommy car. That was the most depressing day of my pregnancy as it was so symbolic of what I was losing to become a Mommy. I was scared to death to have a baby, especailly a baby girl!!! would I be a good mom and would we have the same issues as my mother and I?! I am proud to say I LOVE being a Mommy and she is 4 now and all the anxieties are out the window and soon I will get my Jeep back!!! I really loved your book and just am so pleased at how much Ive learned about myself in these last few months. Ive been journaling and thats helps tons too. Again, thanks so much and Im really happy that you are doing the work your doing. I would hate to live life alone because Im scared of the unknown. I am no longer afraid. Im no longer experiencing the gnawing knot in my stomach (that much) and Im at peace.
Thanks,
Ginger

Sheryl Paul - May 3, 2010 - 4:08 pm

Thank you, Ginger, for taking the time to comment here. I receive a lot of emails from people who have benefitted by this information but one of the reasons I started this blog is for the dialogue and conversation that can occur through the comments. It’s so important for those that are struggling through the anxiety stage of a transition to know that it’s possible to move through it and feel clear and solid. It’s one thing for me to say it but another to hear it from someone who’s recently been through a transition.

I’m so glad that you’re at peace and that you’ve been able to pass this information along to others. How has your mother responded to the information?

Ginger - May 4, 2010 - 12:59 pm

Hi Sheryl,

I was able to show your website to her and talk to her about transitions and how its been such a revelation to my own patterns. I did follow up with her to see if she had looked more at your site but at that time, she had not. When we spoke we brought up her parents deaths, divorse, her kids (me and my sister) growing up faster than she thought, retirement and moves. I asked any of her councelors had ever brought these events up and she said they had not. Im sure that it is something she will look into but coming from me she is more reluctant for some reason…she recently moved in with me this last weekend in fact…so yet another transition…Ill talk to her more. We are very similar and hope this will be a key to releasing some of what shes been holding onto for years. she has been single for 30 years…I know we both struggle with transition!
talk soon!
Ginger