Category Archives: Transitions – General

To Nag or Not To Nag

The more I work with women around their relationship issues and the more deeply I spiral into the shadow layers of my own psyche, the stronger my conviction becomes in the following statement: the need to nag is embedded into the historic and genetic code of most women. I say this not with judgement or criticism but with great love for my half of the human race and an instinctual knowing that it’s time for us to break this negative and unnecessary habit that creates stagnation within ourselves and restricts the flow of love in our relationships.

As I write this I see my own legacy of nagging, controlling, and criticizing floating in front of my mind. I see my maternal grandmother’s lips pursed in a thin, tight line that said, “I’m not happy with you right now.” I can hear her complaining about my grandfather and see the result… Click here to continue reading…

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SB - November 8, 2011 - 11:06 am

This is a wonderful post and one that points to something I have been working on for months. Like you, I believe women struggle with this more often (or maybe it comes out more often) than our male counterparts. The true problem with that is that more than your love and affection, I believe our men want respect. Whether or not we actually respect our men, nothing communicates more deeply that to them that you don’t respect them when we judge their choice of clothes, route to work, or way they load the dishwasher.

I believe that constantly nagging or even suggesting alternative ways of doing things that truly don’t matter (i.e. loading the dishwasher) is sending the message to our men: If she can’t trust me to load the dishwasher, drive to work, or call my mother, how can she trust me with our children, her love, and our life. Our culture’s sitcoms make a joke of women nagging but it’s truly not funny. Yes, have opinions about what really matters, but just as you wish your partner would (in everything they do) be loving and affectionate, men want their partners to respect and admire them. The easiest way to do this is to trust them as Sheryl said with their own lives.

Sheryl Paul - November 8, 2011 - 11:09 am

Beautifully said. And I have a big, knowing smile on my face because I’ve had to shut my mouth to avoid suggesting an alternative to loading the dishwasher! Oh my goodness…!

MH - November 8, 2011 - 3:36 pm

This is very timely for me as I had a bout with extreme nagging after a ‘boys night out’ of Saturday. Now he is on edge, I am on edge, the kids are on alert, and he did nothing wrong .. it was just result of my own perceptions and insecurities. I believe the nagging is just my standing in judgement of what I believe is the ‘right’ way he should behave. And, if he is rude to people, standoffish, sullen and remote, shouldn’t I be focusing on the good qualities instead?

Maya - November 8, 2011 - 4:25 pm

I inherited the nagging from my father. Explain that to me! ;)

Sheryl Paul - November 8, 2011 - 5:32 pm

Hah! Well, it’s certainly a MASSIVE overgeneralization to say that nagging is exclusive to women. It’s just what I see in my circle of friends and clients – but that doesn’t mean that men don’t nag and certainly control in their own lovely ways!

Sheryl Paul - November 8, 2011 - 5:33 pm

Yes, nagging puts everyone on edge. And yes, focusing on the positive qualities is always an effective antidote to nagging.

Mangala - November 8, 2011 - 10:02 pm

I read a fantastic book on this subject that helped me greatly in recognising and breaking out of the fear/nag/control cycle in my marriage: The Surrendered Wife by Laura Doyle. I have to re-read it periodic intervals to keep myself on track :)

Sarah - November 9, 2011 - 8:09 am

This is a great post! As someone with her own legacy of nagging and controlling, I can say I too have seen the negative effects it has on men. I’ve been doing a lot of work with noticing my emotions, setting boundaries, and in general getting a feel for who I am, and what I’m responsible for in life (my feelings, emotions, actions, reactions, needs, etc) and a profound thing I’ve been mulling over is the idea that what’s needed so often is to just let go of the outcome. Whether I’m setting a boundary, or expressing a need to my husband, or having a conversation with my mom, I can’t control other people…not their thoughts, or actions, or words…and if I try it’s not going to result in anything good. Not that that’s easy, mind you….it’s not particularly something the women in my family are good at. Letting go means maybe you’ll have a messy house, or you’ll never have any alone time with your husband, or you just plain won’t get your way. What I’m quickly realizing though, is life isn’t measured by how often you get your own way…it’s measured by the depth and beauty of relationships and you’re not going to get much of either by nagging and controlling:) Thanks for the post…I liked reading your thoughts!

SB - November 9, 2011 - 8:18 am

Mangala,

I second your recommendation of Doyle’s book. It is an excellent read and if you can look past early judgments that most folks have about the book, you can learn a LOT about letting go and being okay with not always being in control. Isn’t that what learning to grow from transitions is all about?

As I learn to stopping nagging my wonderful, honorable, amazing man, He is actually setting up more and together we are creating a safe space for both of us to talk about our feelings, fears, and dreams. One of my biggest fears is that I have not allowed him to open up to me for fear of getting nagged, yelled at, or seeing tears. The more I focus on deep fears that surface to be nagging, the more I grow and see all his positive traits.

Sheryl Paul - November 10, 2011 - 6:56 am

The feminist in me has always resisted reading “The Surrendered Wife” but yesterday, upon your recommendation, I read through as much as I could on Amazon and was surprised to learn that the message is not anti-feminist at all! As you said, it’s actually completely aligned with the message of this post. Thanks for suggesting it.

Tara - November 14, 2011 - 9:49 pm

WOW. Exactly what I needed to read right now. In the middle of a huge transition time in our marriage (raising a 7-month old – our first child – selling our townhouse, moving into temporary housing, looking for our “forever” home, and both working full-time), my husband and I have been arguing like crazy. I’ve been struggling to take ownership of my role in the arguments, but when I’m honest, they are usually about (as always) my fear of inadequacy, of losing control, and my difficulty in truly trusting that my husband loves me and believes in me and our marriage. Your words about picking your battles and learning when to let go and trust in our partner are especially poignant. Thank you, Sheryl.

SB - November 16, 2011 - 8:49 am

Tara,

“My difficulty in truly trusting that my husband loves me and believes in me and our marriage” really hit home for me and has been something that I have been dealing with throughout our engagement. My man and I have been together for almost 5 years and I realized just last week (of course it took me that long) that all of my worries and fears and doubts were not based on my fear if I loved him enough, but I feared that he didn’t love me enough.

This led to every little look, argument, or meaningless comment being taken as proof that he, in fact, didn’t love me. How damaging to my mental health and our relationship! It wasn’t until I saw this fear that I had of him leaving me or falling in love with someone else that I could label it for what it was and start to separate myself from it. This past week has been one of my most peaceful times because after talking about it with him, I felt renewed, separated from this fear and able to see how wrong it was.

Fear is so powerful and can take over how thoughts and emotions but when we separate ourselves from it, we see that we don’t have to control our men to get them to love us the way we want them to. They already do and more often than not, its just fear that is holding us back from seeing it.

Sheryl Paul - November 16, 2011 - 9:38 am

Well said, SB.

Autumn: 2011

Something a little different this week to express the transition of autumn – and life – through poetry, music and images:

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Valentina - November 2, 2011 - 8:22 am

Sheryl- thank you for that post, I had goose bumps and tears coming up, especially since I never before grieved the summer being over like this year where it happened so fast. I wish I could be as grounded as a tree and as brave as it leaves….love, valentina

Sheryl Paul - November 2, 2011 - 8:33 am

Thank you, Valentina. Sounds like summer left quickly in your part of the world as well!

Bettina - November 2, 2011 - 2:52 pm

This is so beautiful, I cried and cried, (I didn’t even understand every word, just listening to your voice, that is soo calming!) Thank you Sheryl!

The Joy of Not Knowing

I would like to beg you, dear Sir, as well as I can, to have patience with everything unresolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves as if they were locked rooms or books written in a very foreign language. Don’t search for the answers, which could not be given to you now, because you would not be able to live them. And the point is to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps then, someday far in the future, you will gradually, without even noticing it, live your way into the answer.”

- Rainer Maria Rilke, 1903, Letters to a Young Poet

One of the things I love about Colorado is the blurriness of the seasons, the way it can hail in June and we can have 60 degree days in January. Just this morning, I took a bike ride with my sons wearing… Click here to continue reading…

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Marisa - October 27, 2011 - 9:10 pm

I just swung by the blog because I felt like it had been a while since I’d read a new post and have been itching for one. How lucky am I to have found the newest installation, which, as always, is exactly on point for where I am in my life right now. It is bizarre to me that you write to the very heart of the matter that I find myself in. The uncertainties of life have been wearing on me lately-perhaps not incoincidentally as I approach my 30th birthday. Life’s questions seem big and scary and overwhelming, and it’s hard for me not to have the answers and not to know exactly how I feel. This blog is a place I come back to because of these uncertainties. There is a tremendous amount of peace that radiates off my laptop when I am here and I send you thanks each time I visit. I am still unsure and afraid and worried, but your and Rilke’s words help ease the discomfort, and I am grateful.

Sheryl Paul - October 27, 2011 - 9:17 pm

Yes, the uncertainties will certainly flare up around birthdays, especially the big ones. And as you’re making room for the questions, also make room for the fear, the worry, and, as always, the grief. It’s often when you allow the grief to rush through you – the grief of letting go of your 20s, the grief of old losses, the grief of not knowing, the grief of being human – that the uncertainty becomes more palatable.

Ashley - October 31, 2011 - 9:16 am

Thank you for posting this! This Saturday, with leaves still on the trees, snow began to fall in NY. As last winter was so difficult for me, I naturally fear another round of winter… and yet, somehow, I feel like God was saying with this anomaly of in-between seasons, it is all going to be okay. And so, I stayed inside. I bundled up next to my husband. I rested. I reflected. I also enjoyed the presence of the moment. Seasons change, weather can be unpredictable… but God is always here for me, no matter my present circumstance, to remind that everything is okay just as it is.

Sheryl Paul - October 31, 2011 - 11:38 am

Beautiful, Ashley. Yes, God is the through-line, the only consistency in a life that’s inherently full of contradiction and inconsistencies.

Melanie - November 2, 2011 - 9:47 am

I just started the conscious wedding e-courses. Through my entire engagement and now right after my engagement I have been an anxious wreck trying to figure out where all this anxiety is coming from. I know I want to be with this man for the rest of my life, but I have days where I get so out of control nervous and anxious because not knowing and having that control of what will happen in the future scares me. Wondering did I make the right decision, will I lose my husband someday to something horrible like death or divorce. I have confiding in my husband everyday about what I have been feeling and just recently the question came up between us about that titled honeymoon stage going away, and I honestly let my psyche believe that because I don’t feel like that all the time that I questioned did I make the right decision. My mind has been in constant struggle with what I know my heart wants and what my head is telling me. Conscious wedding e-courses has been my first peace of mind to telling me that I am not crazy! It is showing me how to deal with the Colorado days and give light to all the misconceptions I had about love and marriage and also how this is a transition in life that may not be easy, but I will say yes to love. God blessed me last night when I found this!

Sheryl Paul - November 2, 2011 - 9:58 am

I’m so glad you found your way here! As you work through the lessons of the e-course, you will learn how to manage the unknown of the future, accept the uncertainty of the decision to marry, and break down the fantasies and unrealistic expectations about love and marriage. You’re definitely not crazy!

Liesl - November 2, 2011 - 11:18 am

Thank you so much for this post! I am 36 weeks pregnant and have been on a roller coaster due to the questions – “Is my baby going to be okay?” and “Am I going to be okay?” And of course the answer is to keep my heart open and continue to love. We are both exactly where we need to be. We are both being taken care of. We ARE okay! Thank you for the reminder.

Bettina - November 2, 2011 - 11:18 am

wonderful!!! thank you!

KD - November 2, 2011 - 11:29 am

Sheryl,
Excellent post. As someone who is riddled with anxiety, feeling ‘out of control’ and not having the answers seem like the worst things in the world. Thanks for reminding me that it’s OK, and things will make sense in their own time.

Voices of Anxiety: I’m Not Enough

Yesterday I took my sons to observe a Parkour class. I had never heard of Parkour until my husband pointed out that Everest has been doing it naturally around our house. I watched a few videos on it and thought, “Why not? Let’s give it a try.” It’s a street art that combines gymnastics, running, and leaping to create a Ninja-like, monkey-esque crazy amazing physical experience. My boys love watching it, are compelled to do it, and so it seemed like it could be a natural fit.

My current parenting motto is, “Go where the yes is.” I know there’s value in pushing even when there’s a “no”, and I do that as well at times, but for the most part I’m interested in supporting the stream of “yes” when I see it flowing in either of my boys. Sometimes it takes me a while to let go of my… Click here to continue reading…

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Bettina - October 19, 2011 - 3:28 pm

Sheryl, I LOVE that. Thank you so much. Your little boy seems to be very wise and intuitive. what a luck he has parents who give him the room for it and honour it.
Thank you for this post!
Bettina

Leisha - October 19, 2011 - 9:15 pm

Thank you as always for sharing your wisdom! Oddly,
I was part of a discussion on this very topic just last night! I definitely believe in the journey, but admittedly enjoy the recognition when I have achieved something I have worked hard at, although that’s not why I do things in the first place. Hmmm, so many thoughts on this matter for so many different facets of
life.

Emily - October 20, 2011 - 1:31 am

I just want to say thank you for this article. It was a blessing to me. Sometimes we need someone like you to remind us of our worthiness. Thifhelimbilu

alysonk - October 20, 2011 - 6:44 am

Love this. Grace is key! We need to stop being so hard on others and on ourselves. It’s an endless cycle.

Sheryl, your wisdom is inspiring and so helpful. Thank you for these posts!

Sheryl Paul - October 20, 2011 - 11:00 am

It’s wonderful to receive recognition for your achievements. The problem arises when your self-worth is linked to receiving the recognition instead of connected to your intrinsic worthiness. It sounds like your motivation to achieve is arising from a natural and authentic place inside of you!

Katie Abalos - October 20, 2011 - 3:23 pm

Thank you Sheryl for your wonderful post, it made my day reminding me of something that’s usually forgotten! :)

Carole - October 22, 2011 - 10:26 am

Thanks for this post, Sheryl! I can relate to the feeling of now what after graduation and marriage. Learning that I am worthy just as I am is a growing theme in my life lately. Thanks for this!

Sheryl Paul - October 22, 2011 - 7:13 pm

You’re welcome!

Sopotito - October 25, 2011 - 4:03 pm

Thank you for these wise words. I hope I could learn how to put them into practice in my life.

You descibe very accurately the situation in which I find myself at the moment, not having any idea who I am separate from my externals after graduation, in my thirties (after the official “identity searching” years should already be over), having entered a serious relationship which is getting more serious all the time… I realize I have been concerned just about “what I do” and have no clue whatsoever about “what I am”. And it’s also been very much about “what I should or have to do” and not about “what I want to do or feel like doing”.

I’ve lost track of who I am so completely I don’t even know where to start looking. I’ve been to a counselor all these years but could never really connect with her. As I felt it did not help me at all I stopped going there about two years ago. Now I’m on my own, endlessly questioning everything I’ve done so far and everything I do or plan doing next, which doesn’t help me at all to find out who I really am, instead it just makes me more anxious.

I hope I had someone around like your son has you, someone who understands and supports. Still I feel lucky that I’ve found your blog and your writings, which give me comfort and new ideas. Thank you.

Sheryl Paul - October 25, 2011 - 8:28 pm

I’m so glad you found your way here. Most people grow up and have no idea who they are because their core essence was never reflected back to them. While it’s important to grieve this lack of reflection and guidance, the good news is that it’s entirely possible to discover who you are and learn how to make decisions when you develop the Loving Adult that you never had as a child. This is what I teach in my counseling practice through Inner Bonding, and if you haven’t done so already, I encourage you to head over to innerbonding.com to check out this powerful and highly effective self-healing process.

Sopotito - November 13, 2011 - 4:02 am

Thank you very much for your reply. Fortunately I’ve found my way to the innerbonding.com website through your blog and am slowly trying to start working on this.

Reading your blog and the articles in the innerbonding.com website have been a great start, thank you. Unfrotunately there’s so much more going on in life all the time, that it’s difficult to find the time to dig deep in these issues, but I’m struggling because I know I really need to work on this.

Sheryl Paul - November 13, 2011 - 4:14 pm

I know that life is busy, but saying “I don’t have time to connect inward” is like saying to a young child, “I know you need me, but I will only carve out time when it’s convenient.” Life doesn’t work that way, and if you think of your Inner Child like an actual child, it may inspire you to make more time for her even when life takes over!

Relationship Anxiety: Fear Eyes or Clear Eyes?

The power of fear never ceases to amaze me. When I initially entered the fear forest after my first panic attack at age 21 (three months before graduating from college), I prostrated myself at fear’s feet. I handed over my thought processes and became a complete victim to whatever fear told me was true. For several years, most of this occurred unconsciously as I hadn’t found my way to the right support. Until I learned how to challenge fear’s arguments, I was a helpless pawn under its rule, a victim in a dark forest. It was, in short, misery.

Eventually, gratefully, I found my way to the couch of a brilliant and compassionate psychotherapist. He was the first to say things like, “You’re a victim to your feelings. They rule your life” Huh? Of course I listened to my feelings. They had been my guideposts my entire life, the clues… Click here to continue reading…

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Ashley - October 4, 2011 - 2:31 pm

thank you for this beautiful post. i relate so much to everything as you have described. and it is possible to dismantle fear, as you have shown me :)

Janelle - October 4, 2011 - 3:09 pm

As always, this is absolutely beautiful! I’m so happy I found your site two years ago. My marriage is the greatest gift in this world! Thank god I said no to fear and yes to love! I’m so thankful that I went through the darkness and learned so many skills that will help me for the rest of my life. I am forever grateful!

Sheryl Paul - October 4, 2011 - 5:09 pm

And I’m so grateful to both of you for offering your support and inspiration to those still lost in the dark forest!

Sarah - October 5, 2011 - 7:33 am

Great post! I needed to hear this today. I particularly like what you said about “windows of clarity.” I’ve felt a number of anxious/fear based things since being engaged and married to my husband, but something that works so well is to let those windows carry you through the next spell of fear. A few weeks ago we were having a really good conversation, and just enjoying each other, and I had the thought “nothing in me is resisting this right now….there’s no projection, or fear, or worry over how long this state is going to last….just enjoyment and love.” It was a great moment to just revel in and enjoy. Yes. The hard work is worth it!

KD - October 5, 2011 - 8:11 am

It’s a constant battle for me not to work myself up, to obsess, worry and wonder. While it can be debilitating at times, I know if you sit long enough with it, the truth comes out. Thanks for sharing.

MB - October 6, 2011 - 8:13 am

True!! Thanks for posting.
I find telling myself ‘sit with this, sit with this, sit with this’ helps me push through it instead of the old message (which still appears now and again) stating ‘run, run, run’.

BH - October 6, 2011 - 1:27 pm

Sheryl, the experience you have shared in this blog post is nearly identical to mine. I’m in my mid twenties, and one year ago my anxiety nearly removed me from a wonderful 4 year relationship that until then I had always thought was right. I managed to discover the truth about my fear as you have described here and work through it, mainly via counselling as well as a lot of yoga and reading. I actually eventually discovered that it was rooted in OCD-like obsessional thinking that focused on my relationship. One of the rituals associated with my OCD was to search the internet for answers regarding “how do you know you’re in love”, “how do you know someone is the one”, and while this is a negative habit, eventually finding your blog was immensely healing for me. I love that it doesn’t feed into the fantasies and perfectionist solutions offered by popular relationship advice. I am now preparing to move to another country with my partner and will be remembering your words throughout the transition.

Thank you for your spirituality, wisdom and encouragement.

Sheryl Paul - October 6, 2011 - 1:31 pm

Yes, the thinking can become obsessional with the corresponding compulsion of searching the internet or checking inside if you “feel” love. And YES to yoga and reading! Meditating, exercise, play, and creativity are also amazingly potent antidotes to anxiety.

PbandJessie - October 6, 2011 - 2:26 pm

This was such a beautiful post! Thank you so much for sharing, Sheryl.

Melissa - October 6, 2011 - 9:43 pm

I’m so happy I serendipitously found your site!! I just love everything you voice on here. I so wish there were more women (and men) speaking honestly about what true relationship is and how its a continual dance in self discovery and the discovery of each other …which of course means fear will always have something to say. I’m in an amazing relationship with a man I truly love, and lately the fear voice has definitely made itself known. It is so validating to read your words of wisdom! Thank you:)

Sheryl Paul - October 7, 2011 - 7:14 am

I, too, wish that more people spoke honestly about the ebbs and flows of connection and the power of fear in healthy relationships.

Jennie - October 7, 2011 - 9:32 am

Sheryl, thank you for this post. I’ve stumbled across your interview with Alanis a couple of months ago but never had the time (didn’t take the time?) to actually listen to it. About a week ago I finally did and it was such an inspiration. I found many explanations for things I didn’t understand before. So I went back to your site and I’m a regular reader now, and just this post right there reaffirms that I’ve stumbled upon something incredibly precious when I “found” you on the internet. I still have a long way to go before I can face my fears as courageous as you do but having someone name the exact fears I have and saying it’s ok to have them and that they can be overcome already makes me feel better. Thank you.

Margaret Paul - October 7, 2011 - 9:59 am

I’m so glad you found Daev and said yes to love! I love experiencing your beautiful family.

Sheryl Paul - October 7, 2011 - 10:56 am

Thank you, Mom! I’m forever grateful that you helped me see through the fear so I could recognize the essence of my beautiful man! It’s so important to have one person who blows the whistle on the mainstream criteria for choosing a partner and helps you say no to fear.

Cori - October 8, 2011 - 11:15 am

Sheryl! I just got the e-mail about this post. Now almost 6 months into marriage, this past week my husband and I visited the place where he proposed and where all of my anxiety began. I found the memory of those feelings and fears popping up in my mind. I remembered how scared and confused I was about how I was feeling. The anxiety was threatening to return in the back of my mind, but I remembered how far I have come and how happy I am to have overcome the stronghold the fear and anxiety had on me. To this day, I remember your words and they help me through the times when fears rear their ugly head. Your story is exactly what I went through. I am so grateful that now the anxiety is merely a visitor that rarely returns.

I also wish people were more outspoken about the reality of relationships – the ebbs and flows of connections, the way your relationship changes on a daily, weekly, monthly basis.

As always, thank you for your work!

Melanie - November 20, 2011 - 12:08 pm

Just came across your website, thank you for posting this. I’m recently engaged to a very kind and caring man now I overly fearful and anxious of our future before this I felt fine. I can relate to your post and feel some relief knowing I’m not alone.

Sheryl Paul - November 20, 2011 - 1:47 pm

You’re far from alone, as you’ll quickly see from reading through other posts!

SB - November 20, 2011 - 9:12 pm

Melanie, you are not alone in these feelings. I took Sheryl’s suggestion and started journaling exactly what my fears were and thoughts I had that scared me. Somehow, once you get past the fear of putting it on paper, it actually helps separate you from these feelings. And as Sheryl has said, feelings are just feelings. Not everything you feel is always the truth. Keep reading and processing your feelings. It truly helps. Good luck and know you aren’t alone.

PC - December 2, 2011 - 4:04 pm

Thank you so much for this post! I, too, spent many hours combing bookstores or the internet looking for the “excuse” to stay in my relationship despite the intense anxiety attacks I had and the fear that my feelings meant I didn’t love him. My anxiety started after several months of dating, but I also had the deeper feeling that I just couldn’t let go of him; that he was my soul mate. I persevered, and now we’ve been married nearly 13 years and have the most amazing three children ever! I still experience fear once in a while, but I fight it more easily and effectively than when it first appeared. Thank you.

Sheryl Paul - December 2, 2011 - 6:20 pm

Thank YOU so much for sharing your story! I’m wondering if you’d be willing to share how you worked through your anxiety and at what point it dissipated. I know it would provide a lot of inspiration for my clients and e-course participants who are in the thick on it.

A Symphony of Contradictions

As brisk autumn brushes lips with hot summer, I become aware, as I always do this time of year, of the interplay of opposites and the symphony of contradictions that are inherent to life and are amplified during transitions. The bride is simultaneously grieving and exultant; the new mother longs for her old life as she celebrates the miracle in her arms; the parents ache in their empty nest while wondering what new possibilities will fill the spaces.

Lately, the urge to have another child has risen up in me. Deep down, I’m quite certain that we’re ready to close the door on childbearing, but as Asher grows into little boyhood and Everest into big boyhood, I’m left with the longing to start the process again with another baby. Is it my grief at watching them grow up that’s igniting this longing? Probably. Is there a part of me… Click here to continue reading…

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Sarah - September 5, 2011 - 9:10 am

Sheryl,
This is simply beautiful. Thank you. :)

MariaShriver.Com: Three Mental Shifts to Navigate Transitions Successfully

Once again, it’s a joy and an honor to write for Maria Shriver’s blog:

Because we live in a culture that fears change, we don’t provide people with the accurate information and necessary tools that would guide them through the tricky emotional terrain of transitions. We expect our young people to dive into the awkward stage of adolescence without guidance and information about the monumental changes that are occurring emotionally and physically. We expect college graduates to enter the world of adulthood without a map of what to expect during their 20s. And the list goes on –- from getting married to becoming a parent to moving, changing jobs, getting divorced, empty nest, retirement, and losing a loved one –- we leave people in the rapids of transition and expect them to figure it out on their own.

To read the rest of the article, click here…

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Fear: A Love Story

If you’ve been following this blog for a while, you know that my older son, Everest, has been struggling with nighttime fears for almost two years now. Just after he turned five, he started seeing “scary shapes” in the blankets, then shapes on the walls, then a rotating nightly line-up would parade across his brain: spiders, dinosaurs, and every natural and cosmic disaster known and unknown to humankind, from tornadoes to being sucked up by a black hole. His vivid imagination, so clearly an asset to him during the day, was wreaking havoc on his brain each night as he tried to fall asleep.

The topic of fear in all its appearances and variations is near and dear to my heart, both personally and professionally. Throughout my 20s, I battled with my own panic and anxiety: in my early 20s, I stared fear in the face as… Click here to continue reading…

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Janelle - August 17, 2011 - 7:31 am

Such a beautiful story! Your boys are lucky to have you as parents and are blessed to have that brotherly love!

Sheryl Paul - August 17, 2011 - 8:10 am

Thank you!

Amy - August 17, 2011 - 9:52 am

I am crying reading such a lovely story. And I love that he is named after such a massive climb. Great job to all involved:>)

Heather - August 17, 2011 - 10:10 am

Such a wonderful reminder. J.K. Rowling consistently makes this point in the Harry Potter series as well! Harry consistently survives and thrives b/c of his love for others and others’ love for him, more so than all of the magic. A great reminder!

Sheryl Paul - August 17, 2011 - 12:07 pm

I love your reference to Harry Potter!

Tara - August 17, 2011 - 1:58 pm

Wonderful story, Sheryl. Thanks for sharing.