Turning Five

“Were you in labor at this time five years ago?” my husband asked tonight as we were cleaning up the kitchen after our early Passover dinner.

“No, not yet. I didn’t go into labor until 4am.”

April 14, 2009 – 4am

I’m awakened by a puddle of warm liquid gathered around me. Although unlike anything experienced in normal life, it’s familiar, as it’s exactly how I was awakened by the onset of Everest’s labor, and at the exact same time: 4am at 37 weeks. My body seems to gestate babies like clockwork. I get out of bed slowly so as not to wake up my sleeping four year old and husband and walk downstairs. My entire body is trembling, shaking with the terrifying and exhilarating awareness that I’m about to enter the fire of labor and be initiated into the dark and magnificent forest of childbirth. My second son has Click here to continue reading...

Man Prayer

This touched me so deeply:

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Broken Heart

My heart is broken. When I first heard the news, I had to suppress the torrent of tears so that my sons wouldn’t inquire. I couldn’t let them know. Given that we homeschool, it’s likely that they’ll never know. If the adults around me (including myself) can hardly process the event, there’s no way that my son could make sense of it. It would lead to years of nightmares and fears that would appear in the darkness while falling asleep at night. It could only show up as anxiety, as it’s too much for my young, highly sensitive son to assimilate in a healthy way. We choose to protect him because we can.

At dinner that night, my husband and I looked at each other knowingly across the table. Our eyes spoke what our mouths couldn’t say, the questions that seared through our hearts alongside the grief: “How could Click here to continue reading...

Bréne Brown: The Power of Vulnerability

A client sent me a link to this video, and I found it inspiring, insightful, and illuminating. If there’s one through-line I’ve noticed between all of my clients who are suffering from anxiety – either transitional or life – it’s the belief that says, “I’m not enough. There’s something wrong with me. I’m not worthy.” Ms. Brown addresses this belief and discusses the key to leading the fullness of life that you deserve. I’d love to hear your thoughts!

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In Blackwater Woods: a poem by Mary Oliver

My soul-sister, Carrie Dinow, sent this to me this morning and I just had to share it here. 

*** In Blackwater Woods by Mary Oliver Look, the trees
are turning
their own bodies
into pillars

of light,
are giving off the rich
fragrance of cinnamon
and fulfillment,

the long tapers
of cattails
are bursting and floating away over
the blue shoulders

of the ponds,
and every pond,
no matter what its
name is, is

nameless now.
Every year
everything
I have ever learned

in my lifetime
leads back to this: the fires
and the black river of loss
whose other side

is salvation,
whose meaning
none of us will ever know.
To live in this world

you must be able
to do three things:
to love what is mortal;
to hold it

against your bones knowing
your own life depends on it;
and, when the time comes to let … Click here to continue reading...