“And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” - Anais Nin
Short-term transition counseling and ongoing counseling available by phone or Skype worldwide. It’s my deepest passion to help you transform your anxiety into serenity and your depression into joy! Contact me today to learn more about my effective counseling sessions.
Most people find me because they're experiencing intense anxiety around normal life transitions. But they quickly learn that the anxiety is an opportunity into a profound level of healing that they never knew possible. In other words, engagement anxiety actually has little to do with one's partner but is an opportunity to heal deep-seated false beliefs about love, marriage, and self-worth. As such, my counseling practice has grown over the last fourteen years from a specific focus on engaged women to a wide lens approach to helping people transform their anxiety, depression, low self-esteem, loneliness, and lack of fulfillment to serenity, aliveness, and joy.
To read more about my counseling work for the WEDDING TRANSITION, click here.
To read about my counseling work for the MOTHERHOOD TRANSITION, click here.
Watch Sheryl conducting a session with an engaged woman on NBC's Starting Over:
Transitions are doorways to healing. While many of my clients begin counseling with me during their transition (getting married, becoming a parent, moving, job/career change, retirement, loss of a loved one), when we shine the light of consciousness on the presenting questions, the underlying issues immediately surface. So what begins as, "How do I know I'm making the right choice by marrying my fiance?" evolves into an awareness of a lifelong struggle with self-doubt and the voices of anxiety that can erode an authentic sense of self-worth. Or the new mother who finds herself incessantly criticizing her partner realizes that her habitual negative focus needs to shift into a practice of increasing tolerance and acceptance.
Imagine that when you're in transition you're holding up a sieve to your psyche: the healthy, clear water easily flows through and what remains in the sieve are nuggets of your core issues, shining in the sun. You can view these issues as irritations and try to ignore them, or you can learn the tools you need to begin to heal them. The core issues typically center around the following areas:
- Self-doubt
- Anxiety
- Depression
- Intolerance
- Perfectionism
- Need to control
- If I'm not my (work, mother, success) identity, who am I?
- Childhood issues
I rely on many tools in both my short-term transition work and my ongoing counseling practice. At the core of my work is a profound respect for the mysteries of the human psyche and the struggles inherent to life. My expertise in the field of transitions informs the work, as does my training in Jungian psychology and a highly effective six-step process called Inner Bonding®, created by Dr. Erika Chopich and Dr. Margaret Paul, through which you will learn to identify your intention, your false beliefs that are creating your anxiety and/or depression, and clear tools to help you heal and find the joy and clarity you seek.
For more information and pricing, email me directly at sheryl@conscious-transitions.com or use the Contact form above.
To pay for counseling sessions, click below:
To pay for the telephone support group, click below:
Hi Sheryl,
I am going through a very rough time right now with anxiety and depression. I have been with my boyfriend for two years and lived with him for one. The past five years in general have been very difficult as I’ve watched my mother suffer through chronic illness and my grandma die of Lou Gehrig’s disease last summer. I want to get married for many reasons. I love him and want a family with him. I want my mom to be able to be at my wedding (I’m scared that she may die if it’s put off for years). I want to know that he is committed to me and that I’m not giving him everything without that promise. I know for many people in today’s society marriage doesn’t mean anything. But for me–it has always meant everything. I don’t care about a fancy wedding. I just want to feel secure in my bond. The problem is–he says he wants to marry me but doesn’t see why it has to be in the near future. This hurts me to my core and as a result makes me act angrily towards him. It’s so messed up that the root of me wanting marriage is love–but that my pain makes me act anything but loving and pushes him away. Can you please provide some insight? I don’t know how much longer I can go on feeling this way. I want the respect of being a wife, not a girlfriend.
It sounds like a very painful situation, and I’m guessing that there are deeper underpinnings at play in your dynamic with your boyfriend. Please email me directly using the contact form above so we can talk about this further.
I’ve been wanting to write to you for awhile. Everything I’ve read that acknowledges the transition of a bride (the tough stuff) is usually about her identity in becoming a wife (in regard to having the husband). Well, my case seems so unique… I can’t seem to even look it up on the internet.
My fiance and I became engaged in December 2010. Right away, I thought I had to ask a bridal party (he had asked his “Best Men” BEFORE he had even proposed to me. Well, I asked 5 girls right away: 3 friends and my cousin… and one of my friend’s daughters to be the flower girl (later to ask his sister). They became distant, unreachable, yet controlling behind the scenes immediately to the point where anxiety over their control had me sleepless, losing weight, and sick. I didn’t realize I was getting sick over them at first. I thought I was just depressed which led me to looking up depression during engagement on the internet which led me to your book. The two girls I had asked to be my MOH’s became BEST FRIENDS (to the point where they even had the same birthday), hanging out with each other often on their own, the friend who I asked to be a bridesmaid was sending me e-mails telling me that they weren’t really my friends but that she was my “real and true” friend… only to find out, weeks later, that when I was trying to discuss this with them that that girl, too, was jealous she wasn’t the MOH and talking angrily about me.
I cut off ties with the three of them. I then felt because there was so much “drama” that I don’t want to discuss it with anyone. I just wanted it to end but the sequence of unexpected events just wracked my mind. It’s much better now that they’re gone… but it was a big eye opener… what the HECK was that?!?! I now realize I have to be very selective in my choice of friends in our marriage. Perhaps that was the lesson… but wow… life has a way of throwing some curveballs!
Benefits of what happened: I can help other young girls with my unique situation (though I really would love to hear from others who can relate), my relationship with my mom mended (she was locationally and emotionally distant), I’m more aware and discerning of character/who to let “close”
Negative: I don’t think they knew how I felt or that they understand what they did… I received no apologies… I’m also having a challenging time separating the situation from being a big “event” I will remember as part of the engagement period… it’s like I was finally happy and they wanted to take my happiness… a little jaded. My fiance also doesn’t fully understand what happened.
Do you know others who have LOST friends during this time?
It’s actually quite common to lose friends during a wedding – or any – transition. Transitions are times when we weed out aspects of ourselves and our friendships that are no longer serving us. It’s another area of grief that needs to be acknowledged and expressed. And it’s usually a signal that it’s time to find new friendships that reflect your current stage of growth.
[...] was going to be able to sustain me. It wasn’t filling me up. It was at the point that I found Inner Bonding®, went to a workshop and Intensive, and everything [...]
[...] now one of my greatest joys to help others work through their fear voices and learn to choose love. When clients email me their daily dialogues, I analyze them line by [...]
[...] I mean and I’m preaching to the choir. But for the women and men who I work with every day in counseling, it’s a crushing moment when the infatuation drug wears off and they’re left to begin [...]
[...] is how Rebecca (not her real name) described it in a recent session with [...]
[...] not only how to stay calm at the altar but also how to have a truly joyous wedding day. After counseling thousands of women over the last 14 years through their engagements, I can tell you with a fair amount of certainty [...]
Hi Sheryl.
I read one of your articles on a site. And I’ve been going through a rough time within my relationship. When my boyfriend and I first got together, we were so happy. I’ve had abandonment issues though, and multiple other problems, but he knew that before we began dating. This is a long distance relationship as of currently. But we visit each other when possible. The last time he visited though, he broke up with me. Due to arguments and such. But, I couldn’t let him go. I had finally trusted him at that point before the breakup. And we got back together, and now I feel like I’m back at square one. And I don’t know what to do. I want to run, but I fought so hard to be with him. And I feel he’s The One. I can’t give up now. What should I do?
I suggest you start journaling (if you aren’t doing so already) but make sure you’re journaling in an effective way which means challenging the fear-based thoughts instead of believing them. The most effective way I know to journal is to follow the Inner Bonding 6-step process. You can learn more about Inner Bonding at http://www.innerbonding.com. And more about the journaling technique I recommend here:
http://conscious-transitions.com/conscious-transitions-tv-managing-fear/
Hey Sheryl,I am a young woman in a relationship that has been good for 3 years, with a very loving man. The only problem we have ever had with each other was my anxiety about us. Someone in my family once speculated I didn’t SEEM to love my partner very much and it has haunted me ever since. I consistently worry I am not happy with him at all and when I’m worried this way I can’t be happy. When I am worried it’s like I cannot remember how I feel around him at all. I was initially very infatuated with him and now this feeling is gone. I used to ache for his presence but now I am fine with being alone as well, even sometimes appreciate it. And when we’re together I’m not lovesick for him, I am just comfortable. When I get worried this way, it is so devestating I just can’t even sleep and hardly eat. I’m terrified I do not truly love and enjoy my partner, and want to resolve this anxiety and just get back to normal and know that I do love my partner.
Hi Kathryn: You’ve found your way to the right place! Many people on my site and forum struggle with anxiety brought on my similar comments, and, with the right tools and information, you can work through the anxiety that is trying to protect you from the risk of loving. Since you’ve posted on my counseling page, I’ll email you information about my sessions.
[...] clients and e-course members often ask me, “If love isn’t only a feeling, how do I know I love [...]
[...] clients and e-course members often ask me, “If love isn’t only a feeling, how do I know I love [...]
[...] clients and e-course members often ask me, “If love isn’t only a feeling, how do I know I love [...]
[...] clients and e-course members often ask me, “If love isn’t [...]
[...] Counseling [...]
[...] I could crystallize my work with clients who are scared to take the next step in their relationships, it would be this sentence: [...]
[...] expected run opposite a shade of your mind during your engagement. The many common that we see in my practice [...]
[...] My clients come to me with a host of erroneous beliefs that inform their anxiety and confusion regarding their upcoming marriages. I’ve discussed several of these beliefs in recent articles, such as thinking they’re supposed to feel more in love during their engagement than ever and wondering ifthoughts about an ex mean they’re not supposed to get married. But there is one belief that is talked about even less than the others: that at the wedding day, the relationship itself is supposed to be at its height of ease, love, and workability. [...]
[...] My clients come to me with a host of erroneous beliefs that inform their anxiety and confusion regarding their upcoming marriages. I’ve discussed several of these beliefs in recent articles, such as thinking they’re supposed to feel more in love during their engagement than ever and wondering if thoughts about an ex mean they’re not supposed to get married. But there is one belief that is talked about even less than the others: that at the wedding day, the relationship itself is supposed to be at its height of ease, love, and workability. [...]
[...] My clients come to me with a host of erroneous beliefs that inform their anxiety and confusion regarding their upcoming marriages. I’ve discussed several of these beliefs in recent articles, such as thinking they’re supposed to feel more in love during their engagement than ever and wondering ifthoughts about an ex mean they’re not supposed to get married. But there is one belief that is talked about even less than the others: that at the wedding day, the relationship itself is supposed to be at its height of ease, love, and workability. [...]
Hi Sheryl
I’m happy to have stumbled apon your site. I have only VERY recently had the realization that most of the issues in my new marriage (3 months) and prior to marriage seven year relationship, are being caused by ME and my thoughts. It’s quite overwhelming to even think about since I’ve heavily convinced myself our problems are rooted with him. I have struggled with almost constant negative thoughts, especially in the year of engagement but not limited to that, that my now husband is either cheating, lying to me, setteled for me, I may not really love him … ect. The thoughts have gotten so bad recently that they have started to consume our life and our relationship and our marriage is hanging on by only the memomries of what we used to be and, very rarely, a clearing of negativity – where we’re what we once were. My husband is of course human and not without flaws but I seemed to have zoned in on him and I’m constantly complaining, negative and accusing. Much without prompt or logic. It’s strange, as I know most of it is irrational but I’m not sure how to break the pattern. Even though my mind convinces me he’s cheating or lying or I deserve better or want different, my heart and soul have never been fully convinced. For this I’m grateful but I’m on the verge of loosing my marriage if I can’t make some stride towards stoping this negative behaviour. I need to stop it for myself and for my husband – he deserves credit for being a faithful and loving partner.
[...] often, my clients and e-course members who are in the midst of the marriage transitions cut right to the core and [...]
[...] often, my clients and e-course members who are in the midst of the marriage transitions cut right to the core and [...]
Hi Sheryl,
I am generally a happy person, but I feel I could be MUCH happier. I feel like my moments of true happiness and calm are short-lived, there is always a dark cloud hanging over me, threatening to engulf me. It’s like I can’t allow myself to be happy, it’s torture. Anytime I am feeling blissful, like I am finally surrounded by light, that black cloud comes down almost immediately and fills me up with anxiety, grief, and self-doubt, which I try to ignore or stifle only causing it all to come out as frustration and anger, it puts me on the verge of tears no matter where I am, or what I’m doing. Along with these bad feelings come constant flashbacks of painful memories, I try so hard to block them out but it seems to only make it worse. This happens so often and so intensely that it makes it extremely difficult to live in the present, to concentrate on present tasks, and to feel alive and connected with myself and my partner. It feels like my mind is stuck in the past and that is NOT where I want to be. This constant cycle of happy-sad worries my fiance and I know she feels the tension and the distance I put between us. I love her so much, I know we’re right for each other, she is my dream come true, everything I’ve ever wanted, and I want to give her all of myself and my love, I SHOULD be so happy, I want to be, but it feels like a constant struggle.
To give you a bit of a back story, I grew up in a small town surrounded by the same people for 18 years, I graduated from the high school there and moved away but remained friends with the same people, and had an alright family life. When I turned 19 I met who I truly believe is my soul mate, we’ve been together ever since the day we met, but since she is also a woman and we’re considered “gay” my very Catholic family were and have been against our being together since the beginning. We try our best to get along with them but it definitely takes a toll on my mentality and our relationship. I tried to introduce her to my friends but for some reason they pushed me away, I don’t know if it’s because they don’t accept us either, or they never really liked me to begin with, or they don’t like the person I’ve become with her or WHAT! But I lost all of them too. My whole life and everything I knew is gone or changed. When I turned 21 we got engaged, and I feel great about it! But like I said there’s this big black cloud in my way of true happiness and freedom. I know these things happen, I know with life changing transitions comes loss of friends, family, and identity. I don’t want my old life back, I feel that all these changes have been really good for me, but I think the shifts and emotions happened so fast all at once that I wasn’t able to really process them and now I’m all mixed up and anxious and I want to feel cleared, I want to let go! I don’t want to remember I want to live NOW. I want to be young and in love and put my all into us and our marriage and walk happily, surely, and bravely up the path ahead, I want to feel free of the chains that hold me back. I just don’t know how.
Thank you for your time and love and your amazing website