The Tumultuous Twenties

*Note: If you’re past your twenties, I invite you to share your thoughts and insights in the comments section about what helped you get through that decade, what you learned, and what wisdom you can import to those still struggling through that difficult decade.

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“Recently, I met a women in her early twenties who was deeply depressed. Looking at her, I saw myself fifteen or twenty years ago. I recognized every desperate feeling, every horrified thought. I asked her why she felt so sad. She told me she felt misunderstood by her father, who didn’t’ want to pay for her therapy or for her to move to another city. She said she was trying to make her way through the world but kept falling down. She couldn’t stay with any career for very long; she felt fat; she felt inadequate; she felt embarrassed and kept thinking that other people … Click here to continue reading...

“I Married the Wrong Person”

Whenever a theme arises in my weekly work with clients I know it’s important to write about it here. Last week the theme was: “I married the wrong person” or “It would have been easier with someone else.”

One of the most important tasks for those on the road to awakening is to notice all of the ways that we try to avoid pain. For those of us on the sensitive-anxious spectrum, the primary escape-hatch from emotional pain is to climb up into the safe chamber of the mind where a virtual orchestra of intrusive thoughts catches us by the heels and twirls us around on the merry-go-around of mental torture. The thoughts change in what I call the “anxiety whack-a-mole phenomenon“, which is why it’s essential to become keen to the tricky ways that our minds think of increasingly more convincing thoughts as a way to avoid … Click here to continue reading...

When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner

“He irritates me all the time. How can he be a good match if I’m constantly annoyed?”

At first things were great with my girlfriend and everything flowed smoothly between us. But now all she has to do is laugh and I want to jump out of my skin. I guess she’s not the one for me.”

If we take relationship irritation at face value, we’ll likely fall into the dominant cultural message system that says, “If you’re that irritated, you’re probably with the wrong person. Love should have more flow and ease than this.” But, as you may know from following my work, I don’t take anything at face value. Provided you’re in a good, loving relationship, I’m interested in what lies beneath the surface. I’m interested in viewing reactions – like irritation or anxiety – as symptoms that point to thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or actions inside of Click here to continue reading...