A Root of Anxiety

One of the spokes of the relationship anxiety wheel – or any type of anxiety, for that matter – is the question of where were we hurt. Psychology has done an excellent job of attributing the majority of this hurt to our primary caregivers (usually parents), but it’s not that simple. In my work with clients, I see over and over again that one of the major sources of pain and often the moment when we stop liking ourselves happens at the hands of our peers. I’m talking about overt bullying, yes, but also much more subtle and often overlooked forms of social pain that include ridicule, criticism, and attack on physical and character features and learning styles/challenges. Even one moment of this kind of ridicule can lead to a shattering of self-esteem.

Thankfully, bullying has received a lot more attention these days than ever before. When I was … Click here to continue reading...

Were You Bullied or Teased?

If you were bullied or teased as a child or you have a child in school or any unsupervised peer group setting, you must watch this video. I was so profoundly moved; it brought me to tears. We tend to invalidate the ways in which childhood teasing can have a devastating effect on self-worth by saying things like, “Kids are just being kids.” Just as there’s no justification for child abuse, there is no justification for bullying or teasing (which is really another form of abuse).


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