Relationship Anxiety: Intuition or Fear?

A subset topic of the million-dollar question –  is my anxiety/doubt evidence that my truth is that I’m with the wrong partner or does it mean something else? – is the issue of intuition versus anxiety. In other words, embedded inside every question of the mind suffering from relationship anxiety is, “Isn’t this anxiety really my intuition telling me to leave?”

That’s certainly what the culture says. That’s what most of your well-meaning friends and relatives will say. That’s even what many therapists will say. The mainstream message about anxiety in a relationship clearly reads, “Doubt means don’t.”

But that’s not what people say who are well-versed in the language of fear, those who know how it can sneakily show up in relationships through the back door and masquerade as doubt, anxiety, and numbness. That’s not what people say when they’ve traveled the dusty back roads of relationships, the ones … Click here to continue reading...

Relief from Relationship Anxiety: Guest Post from the Conscious Weddings E-Course Forum

Another inspiring post from a member of the Conscious Weddings E-Course Forum. I’m reprinting it here with grateful permission from the author.

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On the one year anniversary of getting engaged to M, I just wanted to drop back in and share some perspective that I’ve gained in the past year in the hopes that it may help some of the new folks on this board.

I know that it can feel like you’re the only person going through the terrible doubt and anxiety, but please know that you’re not alone. Our society may try to tell you that you are alone, and that ‘doubt means don’t,’ but all you have to do is look at the plethora of movies and celebrity marriages focusing on the ‘butterflies’ feeling of being ‘head over heels in love’ (which then subsequently end a few months later when one partner ‘falls out of love’) … Click here to continue reading...

Alanis and the E-Course: Lesson 4 (You Learn)

“Perfectionism came in as well [during the engagement]. But if my number one priority is to evolve then there are no mistakes.” – Alanis from the Interview

Lesson Four of the Conscious Weddings E-Course is “What if These Feelings Mean I’m Making a Mistake?” or “Accepting Uncertainty”. It’s a scary question to ask during an engagement, but a natural outgrowth of the fear, grief, and confusion that accompany the transition in a culture that doesn’t understand transitions. In other words, if you expected to feel scared during your engagement, you wouldn’t mistakenly interpret the fear as a sign that you’re making a mistake.

But what is a mistake? As Alanis speaks to in her quote above, in the context of growth there are no mistakes, only opportunities to learn. Astonishingly, she seemed to know this at the age of 19 when she released “You Learn”:

You Learn

I … Click here to continue reading...

Alanis and the E-Course: Lesson 3 (In Praise of the Vulnerable Man)

Lesson Three of the Conscious Weddings E-Course is “What If I Don’t Love My Partner Enough?” or “Real Love versus Infatuation“. I’ll say it bluntly: Our culture is dangerously deluded when it comes to ideas of real love. From the time we’re old enough to absorb information, we’re inundated with a fantasy that says that you’re supposed to feel head-over-heels, stomach-churning, butterfly-inducing “love” from “yes” to “I do.”

painting by Daev Finn

Once the spark of infatuation fades (which it always does, if it was ever there to begin with), the once dewy-eyed couple wonders, “Is this love? Is this it?”

We’re addicted to that feeling, which is really nothing more than a chemically-induced hormonal reaction which points to a window of possibility of what it can feel like to connect with an open heart. It is not, in itself, love.

We’re also conditioned to associate love Click here to continue reading...

The Conscious Weddings E-Course Lesson 4: “What If These Feelings Mean I’m Making a Mistake?”

As most of you know by now, the Conscious Weddings E-Course is complete and ready for instant download. You can watch a video and read more about it here.

The E-Course is based on the seven most common questions that arise during my sessions with clients. While every person who finds me feels like the they’re the only one struggling with these issues, the truth is that the questions are quite universal. As such, it was easy to separate them into seven lessons based on the seven questions. The following excerpts are from Lesson 4: “What if These Feelings Mean I’m Making a Mistake?” or Accepting Uncertainty.

One of the cornerstones of the E-Course is the compilation of the top posts from the now archived Conscious Weddings Message Board. The message board was a source of inspiration, comfort, and wisdom for thousands of women and men over several years, … Click here to continue reading...