Nothing Lasts Forever 

For all humans, but especially the highly sensitives, one of the most difficult truths to accept is that all seasons pass, all stages come to an end, all beings die. Just as the gorgeous peach tree in full-tilt pink spring bloom drops its blossoms to reveal summer fruit, then drops its leaves in autumn’s melancholic dance to stand bare-limbed in winter, so we watch with grasping hearts as life closes out: from people and animals we love passing from this planet to childhood ending to the day’s close. What we’re resisting is the passage of time as we hold tight to a belief that says that all good things must last. It cannot be so.

Yet we try desperately to fight reality and create a world where life doesn’t die, where relationships don’t end, where sweet stages last forever. We hang on tightly with the part of us that lives … Click here to continue reading...

Hang On

At the end of one of the interviews in the E-Course, when I asked the interviewee what she would like to say to those who are still in the trenches of relationship anxiety, she responded quite simply with, “Hang on. Hang on. Hang on.” Those words have offered a lifeline to countless people who have gone through the course and wondered, ruminated, and obsessed about whether to stay or go.

We live in a culture that encourages people to jump ship if they’re not “happy.” We’re conditioned to chase after happiness like the gold-rushers chased after gold. We’re sold the bill of goods that there is a pot of endless bliss at end of the relationship rainbow, and that you’ll know that you find it when you feel unequivocally happy, certain, and in love.

Neither relationships nor life work that way. The barometer for whether or not you’re living … Click here to continue reading...

Intrusive Pain

I talk a lot about intrusive thoughts on this site, particularly how they pertain to relationship anxiety. I see thoughts as the flares from the Self brilliantly designed to attract our attention so that we can learn to turn inward and attend, possibly for the first time in our lives, to our inner realms with love, compassion, and healthy attention. The thoughts are not punishment for wrongdoing or evidence of unworthiness. On the contrary, someone prone to intrusive thoughts is almost always on the sensitive-anxious-creative spectrum, which means among the most compassionate, gentle, soft-hearted people on the planet. When we learn to work effectively with these thoughts, we’re well on our way to recovery.

Likewise, it’s essential to learn about and heal from intrusive pain. (I wrote last week about healthy pain; please read that post first.) We can define an intrusive thought as an unwanted, persistent thought … Click here to continue reading...

A Beautiful Cry

One of the most potent prescriptions for healing intrusive thoughts and anxiety from the root is to allow ourselves to live in whole-hearted, full-bodied expression. This means taking the lid off of our joy just as much as our pain, and learning to spiral out of head-realm and down into body-realm where the heart taps out its song to the rhythm of our emotional lives. And yet when so many people struggle with allowing themselves a daily or weekly cry – and bump up against the ceiling of their joy –  it’s important to delve further into this essential realm of Self.

A cry signals our arrival into the world. When a baby is born, we await with bated breath for the first cry, and its sound is cause for rejoicing and relief. Sadly, tragically even, for some babies that may be the last time their cries are received with … Click here to continue reading...

Every Living Creature

“Mommy, come quick! Hurry! Run!” my six-year old yells one summer morning as we’re playing outside.

“What is it?”

“Just come! Run! There’s a dragonfly drowning in the pool!”

Upon hearing the reason for the alarm, my ten-year old runs over as well. “Mommy, hurry! Get the skimmer!”

I rush to get the skimmer and quickly pull the poor creature out of the water. I gently tap it onto the grass, but can see that it’s not moving. Slowly, after a few moments in the sun, it starts to clean its face with its antennae. But I can see that two of its wings are stuck together, and without those wings it won’t be able to fly. If it can’t fly, it can’t survive.

“Is it going to be okay, Mommy?” my boys ask, with true distress in their voice.

“I hope so. Hopefully the sun will dry out its … Click here to continue reading...