Christmas in October

One morning last week, as the darkness unfurled into first light and the night’s dreams still lingered at the edges of psyche, my younger son asked, “Why are there Christmas decorations in the stores already?”

Without thinking I responded, “Because people are afraid of the sadness and darkness that arise this time of year so they focus on the next holiday and the season of lights.”

“Why does this time of year make people sad? I don’t feel sad!”

A lover of winter and snow, our younger son celebrates the change of seasons. But as the minutes of light decrease daily I can see the melancholy descend on the other members of our household, as well as in many of my clients. As the twilight hour approaches, I sometimes see the loss embodied on my older son’s face, as if a cloud has crossed over his normally sunny disposition. When … Click here to continue reading...

Two Healing Words

Last week, I had the blessed opportunity of having a closure session in person with a beautiful woman with whom I’ve worked for almost six years. As we sat face-t0-face (as opposed to screen-to-screen) and the session’s minutes clicked toward the end of our hour together, I told her that I wanted to make sure we had ample time to talk about our work and reflect on her growth over these past six years. She immediately dropped into her heart and, through tears, expressed her gratitude. And then said, “You know, one of the most transformative pieces of our work together is that you normalize everything. I’ve shared every thought and feeling I’ve ever had and you always tells me it’s normal. I’ve shared every struggle with my husband and I leave the session feeling like there’s nothing wrong. I have a feeling that’s why so many people come to … Click here to continue reading...

The Holy Days

Chihuly exhibit at Denver Botanic Gardens

There’s a vulnerability on the planet during the holiday season. I see it in people’s faces: beneath the stress and tightness and frantic pace lives the softness of an open heart, as if the emissaries of grief travel from broken heart to eyes and softening the edges. I see the longing for connection, the most basic human desire to break through our isolation and sit comfortably in others’ company. I see the desire for peace. I see the longing for love.

It happens in small moments as I walk through my day. I catch the eyes of a driver in the parking lot and smile. She smiles back. A meeting of strangers. I drive out of the parking lot and wave at the homeless man on the corner. “Can we give him anything, mommy?” my son asks. I know I don’t have any small … Click here to continue reading...

The Holy Day of Mother's Day

Yesterday my teacher said, “For me, Mother’s Day is a holy day. It’s not just about my actual mother or being a mother but a day to connect with the Divine Feminine, the great mother in all things.”

Much of my work is devoted to exploding the constrictive boundaries that define our modern life. I explode our definitions of romantic love from the limiting understanding that it’s only “a feeling” or “a knowing” into a much broader conceptualization that understands that love is also a choice, an act of will, a continual work-in-progress that can only be known over many, many years. I explode our definition of attraction from the superficial and widespread way our culture defines it in terms of physical appearance to a much wider and more compassionate definition that teaches people to see essence instead of image. I challenge our dominant parenting and educational models to assess … Click here to continue reading...