The Potency of Labor

Each life transition carries one or two core issues. The wedding transition triggers issues around intimacy and commitment. Moving activates our childhood experience of comfort and home. Losing a job or enduring a career transition often triggers issues around identity and security. And labor and new motherhood activate our issues around mothering: our relationship with our own mother, the ways in which we mother ourselves, and our fears about becoming a mother to a little one.

A few nights ago I was privileged to speak with a dear friend who was in labor realm: minutes, hours, or days away from starting labor. Knowing that their “due date” had passed, I called to check in with them to see how they were feeling, and they said they were on the way to see a reflexologist who has a 99% success rate in helping initiate labor. Upon realizing that she would likely … Click here to continue reading...

A Thought is Just a Thought

One of the most debilitating topics that my clients struggle with is that they have difficulty distinguishing between the truth and the thoughts that their fear-based minds shoot into their heads. For example, a client wrote to me last week and said that every time she’s about to tell her fiance that she loves him, a voice interrupts her that says, “You don’t really love him.” With her wedding on the horizon, this is understandably a distressing thought to have several times a day, and it’s left her, of course, wondering if it’s true. It’s not true. She loves her fiance. He – like almost every partner I hear about – is loving, kind, honest, responsible, and loves her completely. He’ll make a wonderful husband and a good father. So why the thought?

Love is scary. Transitions are scary. Our minds, which are full of fear, will shoot little fear-dipped … Click here to continue reading...

Parenthood: Letting go again and again and again

When I first began doing research for Conscious Motherhood – both the book (yet to be published) and the website – I was struck by the recurrent theme among new parents about how challenging it was to let go. The specific area of challenge differed from each person, ranging from letting go of getting stuff done to letting go of getting eight hours of consecutive sleep a night to letting go of attachments to the identity of being a working person in the outside world, but there was almost always at least one – and usually several – areas where the new mother or father had a hard time surrendering.

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Sleep Deprivation: Who Knew?

Last Saturday, at our monthly Mazel Tots meeting, the topic of sleep came up. Every parent there, with kids ranging from 9 months to 9 years old, had or is currently struggling with sleep issues. I said to the group, “Who knew before we had kids that sleep was going to be such an issue? I knew that sleep deprivation was a possibility for a few months, but I never expected it to last this long or be so consuming.” One mother responded, “That’s because our parents all let us ‘cry it out.’ You fed your baby at 2 and 6 and let them cry if they woke up any other time.” That said, nearly every parent in the group, out of pure necessity for being a functioning and kind person, had done some version “crying it out”. The same mother, who’s youngest is now nine, said, “My husband and … Click here to continue reading...