Falling in Love with Other People

Let’s blow the cover off of another taboo topic in our culture, one that causes my clients to barely be able to whisper their experience loud enough to share it with me: “falling in love” with people other than your partner, including bosses, celebrities, religious figures, and even your therapist.

I’ll start by reiterating something I often express on this blog, which is that I deeply wish that we, as a culture, were more educated about the normal thoughts and feelings that the vast majority of people experience. It saddens me that there are still so many aspects of our inner terrain that remain hidden. I’m not sure where these kinds of conversation need to be happening – perhaps in school or university – but I know that the vast majority of the shame that people feel about their normal thoughts and feelings would be eradicated if they simply knew … Click here to continue reading...

The Beauty of Sacred Sexuality

When I launched the first round of Sacred Sexuality: A 40-day course for women to heal body shame and ignite desire last June 2017 I had no idea what to expect on the forum. Would the members feel reticent to share their innermost fears, secrets, questions, and stories around this most vulnerable area or would they feel safe enough to write from a place of honesty around a topic that had remained hidden for most of their lives? What I delightedly discovered from day one of the course was the latter: the women simply blew me away. They shared and divulged, dug deep and explored. They cried together as they shared their pain and they celebrated each other as they shared their beauty around every aspect of their bodies and their sexuality. The following are just a few of the posts that caused a body-wide smile to bloom when I … Click here to continue reading...

When It's Time To Say Enough

For those of you who are struggling with relationship anxiety, you probably saw the title of this post and wondered if I was going to talk about when to leave a relationship, and perhaps felt nervous that it was going to spike you. But hopefully you have enough faith in my site that you know that my philosophy is that as long as you’re in a healthy, loving relationship where you share basic values and vision and you have a voice deep down inside underneath the anxiety that’s afraid of someone telling you that you have to leave then you’re struggling with classic relationship anxiety and the last thing I would do is tell you to leave.

On the contrary, this post is about helping you break free to the next level of your healing, especially for those of you who feel hopelessly stuck on the hamster wheel of relationship … Click here to continue reading...

Dream Theme: I Cheated on My Partner

A common dream theme appeared last week on my Open Your Heart forum: cheating on one’s partner. The course participant wrote:

I never remember dreams but just had one last night where I cheated on my bf with a guy I used to date and had no feelings for. In the dream I felt really bad and told my best friend I wasn’t going to tell him that I cheated because it meant nothing and didn’t want to hurt him. She told me that was really dishonest and I was wrestling with that. I am wondering now if this means I feel guilty that I am having all this anxiety and doubting the relationship and he thinks everything is fine because I act really loving towards him, tell him I love him (and I do!). But the fact that he has no idea I’m struggling with this makes me feel Click here to continue reading...

The Fear of Losing Control

When we spiral down into the deeper layers of anxiety – whether relationship anxiety or any other form that anxiety takes – we find some universal root causes that live at the center. These exist on both the emotional and psychological/spiritual planes, and they all need our attention if we’re going to heal. It requires tremendous courage and fortitude to peer directly into the root causes without the filters of projections or defenses protecting us, as when we peel away the hardened shell that has protected our hearts our entire lives, we come face-to-face with our own soft and defenseless vulnerability.

On the emotional level we find a fear of “enoughness”: Am I lovable enough, good enough, worthy enough to be loved? Of course, as I’ve discussed extensively in other posts and in my courses, this fear often first manifests as a projection onto your partner’s perceived imperfections, but when … Click here to continue reading...