Fix Me, Save Me, Help Me, Rescue Me


My friend and colleague, Carrie, and I were talking one morning about how one of the most challenging – and often more rewarding – aspects of our work is helping clients break through the wall of resistance that prevents them from taking full responsibility for their well-being. On the surface, it looks like all of these clients want to feel better – otherwise why would they be in therapy? – but resistance works undercover and often comes out through the backdoor. While they want to feel better, they don’t always want to do the inner work that will allow them to feel better. And it’s even deeper than that: they may want to want to do the work, but when their resistance is iron-clad, as thick as the Great Wall of China, it wields all of the power. They are powerless. Until they’re not.

Here are clues that you’re … Click here to continue reading...

Intrusive Pain


I talk a lot about intrusive thoughts on this site, particularly how they pertain to relationship anxiety. I see thoughts as the flares from the Self brilliantly designed to attract our attention so that we can learn to turn inward and attend, possibly for the first time in our lives, to our inner realms with love, compassion, and healthy attention. The thoughts are not punishment for wrongdoing or evidence of unworthiness. On the contrary, someone prone to intrusive thoughts is almost always on the sensitive-anxious-creative spectrum, which means among the most compassionate, gentle, soft-hearted people on the planet. When we learn to work effectively with these thoughts, we’re well on our way to recovery.

Likewise, it’s essential to learn about and heal from intrusive pain. (I wrote last week about healthy pain; please read that post first.) We can define an intrusive thought as an unwanted, persistent thought that … Click here to continue reading...

A Beautiful Cry


One of the most potent prescriptions for healing intrusive thoughts and anxiety from the root is to allow ourselves to live in whole-hearted, full-bodied expression. This means taking the lid off of our joy just as much as our pain, and learning to spiral out of head-realm and down into body-realm where the heart taps out its song to the rhythm of our emotional lives. And yet when so many people struggle with allowing themselves a daily or weekly cry – and bump up against the ceiling of their joy –  it’s important to delve further into this essential realm of Self.

A cry signals our arrival into the world. When a baby is born, we await with bated breath for the first cry, and its sound is cause for rejoicing and relief. Sadly, tragically even, for some babies that may be the last time their cries are received with … Click here to continue reading...

Trust Life


The doing arises from the being.

We’re all born of mother: the sea, the lakes, the waters of the amniotic fluid in the womb. We long for actual mother without understanding that it’s the great mother who’s always available to embrace us in her loving-compassion, waiting in the wings of our hearts for the invitation of yes. 

When we drop down into the center of Self, we find that place of inner mother and our self-trust is restored. When we trust in the flow life, we remember how to live. 


Summer 2015

It’s my time to write. But I don’t want to write. If I write now it will come from effort, pushing, the time pressure that this is my hour to write so better get busy. Nothing ever flows that feels good from that place. I’ve written enough that the discipline is in place and I can force … Click here to continue reading...

Living by Your North Star


When you live by your North Star, you care less about what other people think.

When live by your North Star, you rely on the well of wisdom inside to help you make decisions both big and small.

When you live by your North Star, you have a clear sense of direction that guides your daily and moment-by-moment actions. It’s like being on autopilot in the best possible way, trusting in the rhythm and wisdom of your body as you flow with a life force that you trust instead of resist.

What is a North Star? It’s the outgrowth of filling your well of Self with warm, clear waters. What is a well of Self? It’s the place inside that is nourished by turning inward and attending to your physical, emotional, cognitive and spiritual realms.

Everything in our culture encourages you turn outward and look to others for your … Click here to continue reading...