As we were leaving Everest’s wheel-throwing class today I struck up a conversation with one of the other moms. She has two daughters who attend the class and I asked the basic questions, “How old are they? Where do you live?” etc. The girls went to retrieve their coats from the cubby holes and there was something about the way they joked with each other that sent a small, almost imperceptible pang of longing through me. I could have easily brushed it aside. But I didn’t. As soon as we walked into the icy air and crunched our boots into the snow the sentence appeared in my mind, “I’ll never raise sisters.”
It’s not the first time this longing has appeared. When we learned that our second baby was a boy, I celebrated and grieved. I had always imagined that I would have a daughter, so after our … Click here to continue reading…
. . . → Read More: The Lives We’ll Never Live
“He irritates me all the time. How can he be a good match if I’m constantly annoyed?”
“At first things were great with my girlfriend and everything flowed smoothly between us. But now all she has to do is laugh and I want to jump out of my skin. I guess she’s not the one for me.”
If we take relationship irritation at face value, we’ll likely fall into the dominant cultural message system that says, “If you’re that irritated, you’re probably with the wrong person. Love should have more flow and ease than this.” But, as you may know from following my work, I don’t take anything at face value. Provided you’re in a good, loving relationship, I’m interested in what lies beneath the surface. I’m interested in viewing reactions – like irritation or anxiety – as symptoms that point to thoughts, beliefs, feelings, or actions inside of … Click here to continue reading…
. . . → Read More: When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner
Where there is expectation there’s a setup for disappointment, which is why holidays like Valentine’s Day so often include tears. For whether you’re single or partnered, it’s almost impossible to escape the expectation that on this one day your partner is supposed to wow and dazzle you with expressions of love and romance or, if you’re single, it’s difficult to escape falling into the belief that there’s something wrong with you.
Inspired by a woman’s suggestion in my workout class, I realized that there’s an ideal antidote to this setup that allows everyone to utilize this holiday as an opportunity to find empowerment and love without waiting for anyone else to give it to them: Write yourself a love letter!
If you have trouble getting into the mood, imagine that the most loving person in the world is standing beside you, reflecting what she or he sees. Let this person … Click here to continue reading…
. . . → Read More: Dear Self, I Love You
“This may sound strange, but sometimes I wish my partner were less available. More of a jerk sometimes, even. Not so willing to and ready to connect all the time. I guess I wish he would let me come to him sometimes,” a client shares.
“I feel like we’ve seen too much to be sexual with each other, like we’re more like family now. It’s almost like we’re too close to have sex, having seen and heard everything about each other. Is that strange?” another client shares.
None of this is strange at all. In fact, these sentiments are reflected quite often in my practice, and emerged particularly strongly on the last Open Your Heart forum. They come from the fact that most people in this culture are wired to equate love with longing, so when there’s no longing the person misses the intensity of feeling, passion, and certainty … Click here to continue reading…
. . . → Read More: Too Close for Sex?