The Truth about New Motherhood

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Over the past several years, many of the women who I helped midwife emotionally across the threshold of the marriage transition have birthed themselves as new mothers. And just like our culture doesn’t tell the truth about the challenges of intimate relationships, it also fails us when it comes to offering accurate information and effective support so that women and their partners can traverse the terrain of this next transition with consciousness and joy.

We know it’s going to be hard, but we have no idea how hard it’s going to be. We know that we might be sleep-deprived or have trouble breastfeeding, but we have no idea how these challenges will effect the emotional terrain of our experience, how deeply breastfeeding, for example, is linked to self-worth as a mother and how, if it doesn’t happen easily or at all, we feel that we’ve failed.

Because I’m privy to … Click here to continue reading…

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Longing for Aliveness

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It’s often during this time of year in the Northern hemisphere, when the entire natural world is quivering with a restlessness to birth itself anew, when the animals are shaking the last snowflakes off their backs and the flowers are poking their heads above ground, that the projection of, “I’m not attracted/in love enough with my partner” emerges loud and fierce in my work with clients.

Why would this be? Why would the transition of seasons cause the projection about attraction and in-love feelings to rear its familiar, compelling, and insistent head?

Let’s break it down:

Transitons, for the highly sensitive among us, activate grief, restlessness, and vulnerability. This is true for the larger life transitions – getting married, moving, buying a house, having a baby – as well as for the ones that receive little to no attention in this culture: dusk and dawn, birthdays, and the change of … Click here to continue reading…

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Watch for the Spark

Note: As always, if you’re not a parent please apply these concepts to your own childhood and also how you attend to your own inner self/child today.

Because of my passion for and writing on the topic of transitions, my readers often ask me for parenting advice. While I feel competent sharing ideas and guidance about the transition into parenting – i.e. bearing and birthing a baby in preparation for the first year of life as a new mother – I hesitate in the realm of advice centered on the actual job of parenting for several reasons.

For one thing, I firmly believe that parents are their own best resource and experts. Nobody knows you, your child, and your family configuration as well as you do, so the most supportive “advice” I can offer is often to trust your own deepest knowing about how to move forward in a particular situation. … Click here to continue reading…

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Anxiety: Ambassador of Wholeness

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Dreams come in the service of health and wholeness.” – Jeremy Taylor, author of “The Wisdom of Your Dreams”

A few weekends ago I attended one of the most inspiring, nourishing, revelatory workshops of my life. It was a workshop on dreamwork facilitated by the world-renowned Unitarian Universalist minister, author, and spectacular human being, Jeremy Taylor. Jeremy has spent nearly fifty years studying the world of dream, symbols, metaphors, archetypes, and the unconscious – and if you’re familiar with my work and mindset you can see from that list alone why the workshop would knock my socks off. I was sitting there the whole time thinking, you mean, I get to sit in a room with twelve other people who are as excited about dreams and metaphors as I am? People who understand that life – including dreams and symptoms like anxiety – cannot be taken at … Click here to continue reading…

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What is the "Right" Choice?

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One of the root causes of anxiety is falling prey to the ego’s tendency to divide life into polarities – good/evil, right/wrong, black/white – in an attempt to control the outcome of our choices and find a guarantee. In other words, your ego believes that if it could find a definitive answer to this one question, or make the “right” choice, you would find peace and happiness. The irony is that, in its attempt to stave off anxiety by finding the one right answer, it actually creates even more anxiety.

Why? Because life is not a black-and-white checkerboard where the answers are neatly hidden behind each square; it’s complicated, multi-dimensional, and mysterious. And when we exert massive amounts of energy trying to determine the “right” answer, we become absorbed in a rumination process that takes place in our heads. And the answers – if there are any – don’t live in our heads.

They live … Click here to continue reading…

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