Caught in a Thought

A coaching client recently shared the following (shared here with her permission):

A few weeks ago, I found myself obsessively thinking about a situation with a friend of mine – someone to whom I’ve given my power for many years. I was completely caught by this theme and I couldn’t get out from under it for weeks. I haven’t been stuck like that in a long time and it scared me. Constantly thinking. Completely consumed. Disconnected from myself. I had no trust in myself or in my ability not to let the thought take over. It was an unrelenting intrusive thought and I seemed powerless to stop it. It was like everything I’ve learned over the past several years disappeared. Like being swallowed by a thought-vortex.

This continued until one day when I was able to name it. As soon as I named it as an intrusive thought, I shifted Click here to continue reading...

What If I'm Only With My Partner Because...

One of the defining characteristics of relationship anxiety is the propensity to perseverate on a “what if” question regarding the amount or legitimacy of your love for your partner. “What if I don’t love him enough?” or “What if I’m not in love anymore?” or “What if I’m not attracted enough?” With accurate information about the difference between real love and infatuation and understanding that love can’t be quantified, these intrusive thoughts usually fall away with time.

And then the next set of intrusive thoughts arise, carrying within them the need for more accurate information as well as an opportunity to develop more tolerance for ambiguity and uncertainty. These next thoughts comprise a subset of these initial questions and are perseverations regarding the reason why you’re with your partner, like the following:

What if I’m only with him/her because:

I’m too scared to leave. I don’t want to hurt him/her.… Click here to continue reading...