Eight Touchstones for a Loving Sexual Relationship

Sex is a common source of anxiety for many couples. Plagued by the world of “shoulds” that permeates our mindsets regarding love and relationships, most people carry a host of unrealistic expectations into their sex lives.When sex fails to live up to the impossible ideal, you may assume that there’s something wrong with your relationship or that you’re with the wrong partner. “Sex should be effortless,” the media says. “You should have wild chemistry right from the start,” Hollywood espouses. These are among the many lies that seep into our consciousness and can have a deleterious effect on our sex lives.

The truth is that sex is complicated. It touches on our most vulnerable places in every area of self: emotional, psychological, physical, and spiritual. Few people begin their relationships with a clean slate but arrive with negative experiences around sex, early trauma, and/or erroneous beliefs that color their sexuality. … Click here to continue reading...

Engagement Anxiety and the Question of Sex

Originally published in the Huffington Post.

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One of the most common questions I’m asked in my counseling practice is something along these lines:

My fiancé and I have a great relationship, but after he proposed my sex drive plummeted. Is this normal? I don’t want to be stuck in a sexless marriage! 

And even though the topic of sex is splashed across every form of media, when someone brings the question to a session they usually ask it with a great deal of trepidation in their voice.

This is because there’s a big taboo around admitting that you’re struggling in the bedroom. And yet here’s a secret that the mainstream media doesn’t tell you: nearly every couple that has been together more than a couple of years and is past the honeymoon stage struggles with sex at some point in their relationship. We have men and women with different … Click here to continue reading...