The Conscious Weddings E-Course Lesson 4: “What If These Feelings Mean I’m Making a Mistake?”

As most of you know by now, the Conscious Weddings E-Course is complete and ready for instant download. You can watch a video and read more about it here.

The E-Course is based on the seven most common questions that arise during my sessions with clients. While every person who finds me feels like the they’re the only one struggling with these issues, the truth is that the questions are quite universal. As such, it was easy to separate them into seven lessons based on the seven questions. The following excerpts are from Lesson 4: “What if These Feelings Mean I’m Making a Mistake?” or Accepting Uncertainty.

One of the cornerstones of the E-Course is the compilation of the top posts from the now archived Conscious Weddings Message Board. The message board was a source of inspiration, comfort, and wisdom for thousands of women and men over several years, and I’m so happy to be able to offer the highlights of the board posts – which totals hundreds of pages – in the E-Course.

Here are the table of contents from Lesson 4 and one of the posts on “Gut Instincts versus Your Heart”:

Table of Contents

A Conscious Choice ………………………………………………………….. 3

A Great Essay on “Certainty” ………………………………………………………… 10

A Lesson from Alice in Wonderland ………………………………………… 12

A Meaningful Transition ……………………………………………………… 13

Acceptance Versus Settling …………………………………………………. 16

Anxiety-Doubt vs Intuition-Doubt …………………………………………… 21

Counterphobic ………………………………………………………………… 28

Difference Between What-If and Just Knowing ……………………………31

From a Married Woman …………………………………………………….. 43

Gut Instincts vs Heart………………………………………………………… 56

Just a Beautiful Quote ……………………………………………………… 58

Listening to Your Gut ……………………………………………………… 59

Looking Through the Microscope ………………………………………….. 65

Making the “Right” Choice …………………………………………………. 76

Advice From an Old Poster …………………………………………………. 80

Self-Trust and Uncertainty …………………………………………………. 84

***

Gut Instincts vs. Your Heart

Overthinker

(09/03/09 07:03:16)

Just a quick thought… We’re told to trust our instincts when deciding when to marry someone….however, my gut is always the exact thing telling me to run…it’s like that’s where my fears lie. Up to this point, I’ve been depending on my heart to push me along and get me through the tough days. But since my gut keeps chiming in, sometimes I wonder if I should be paying attention to it….any thoughts? I’m kinda hoping you guys say I can ignore that pit of the stomach cringe that pops up 🙂

ThinkBee

Posts: 652

(09/03/09 07:03:16)

Scientifically speaking…there is no actual proven “gut,” it’s not like is a part of your body or anything. It’s really just a figure of speech, so I see no reason to act as if it is this absolute, all-knowing entity. In other languages “gut” is interchangeable with “heart” or “throat” if you translate literally! So maybe your heart is your gut. This stuff isn’t so concrete, you know? It’s much more subjective. That out of the way, there’s no denying that sometimes, for some people, intuition or instinct leads them to some sort of conclusion they feel good about. That has never been my experience though. I cannot recall ever having a gut feeling about anything (i.e. “just knowing”). Does that mean it doesn’t exist or that I am incapable of feeling this? Well, no, but, all I know right NOW at this point in time is that choices based on my values and the type of life I wish to lead and create have usually lead me in a good direction. So I’m going to continue to make choices that way.

The thing is, you really can’t know the future, and you can’t make perfect choices. You will make mistakes (if you choose to view them as mistakes, that is). If you really want to be bold when it comes to anxiety, you have to accept the possibility that you are making a “mistake” butdo it anyway…because you want to. I think I know what you mean about heart vs. gut. For me, “heart” resonates with my deepest values and desire to be a loving being. “Gut” is just anxiety, fear, and I’m not really interested in letting those things dictate my choices in life.

Topanga

(09/03/09 10:38:11)

Posts: 293

I agree with ThinkBee, but the other alternative to simply choosing to ignore your gut is to acknowledge the fact that sometimes even your “gut” is wrong. We tend to put a high degree of significance on our “gut” feelings, especially how it applies to our relationships, but there’s no objective reason to believe that your “gut” is always–or even usually–accurate. For instance, last spring I turned down a firm job offer because I had a firm, gut instinct telling me that I was going to get an offer from the second office. I was willing to gamble my future and a solid offer on the strength of this gut conviction. Turns out, I didn’t get the job. My “gut” was entirely off the mark.

Your “gut” is not all-knowing. It makes mistakes too. So if you’re torn, between your gut and your heart, you have to do your best to look at the situation objectively. Weigh the pros and cons and then make a conscious decision. But remember that neither your “gut” nor your heart is always right. Life is a gamble and the sooner you can accept that uncertainty, the happier you will be.

jennyp

(09/22/09 01:27:04)

Posts: 53

Overthinker, I think it is very difficult to be able trust your “gut” or “heart” when you have been hit with engagement anxiety. When you are feeling low and doubtful, it is impossible to judge the truth. That is why we are all seeking advice on this forum to understand our emotional states. Hope this helps.