“Dustin and I had been dating for almost a year when he proposed. I knew pretty early on that this guy was special. I actually did have that “you just know” feeling when we were dating. I wanted nothing more than to marry him and start a family. He had so many of the qualities that were important to me in a partner. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but what stood out to me was his willingness to work at our relationship, to compromise, to grow together. I practically begged him to propose. I remember when he told me that he had looked at rings. I was so excited. I cried tears of joy! That’s why it was so devastating when anxiety hit me.
“We were in Hawaii for a friend’s wedding when he proposed. I knew it was coming and instead of being ecstatic I was really irritable. I remember thinking, “Why am I so grouchy at him? He is going to propose to you!” When he did propose it really was perfect and so sweet and special. I felt so weird during the whole thing, though. It truly felt like I was watching a movie. I can’t describe it any other way than an out of body experience. I felt like I SHOULD be excited and happy but I was numb. I was so confused by this feeling.
“The next day I woke up and immediately started searching the internet for answers. I think I googled “proposal anxiety” and that is when I first found the Conscious Transitions website. I felt a little better but I was still so numb and confused. The rest of the trip was kind of rough. I had an anxiety attack in the shower; I had a huge breakdown and started sobbing while we were on the beach snorkeling. I felt so sick that I thought I might throw up. WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME? I kept thinking, “How could I go from wanting this so badly, to being this confused and anxious?”
“It was three months into the engagement when the first “what if” thoughts really hit. I was once again devastated and so confused. Did I not even love my fiancé? Was this all wrong? Was this a mistake? What if he isn’t “the one”? Immediately I went back to my internet search. I ordered the Conscious Bride book and I devoured it as soon as it arrived.
“Sheryl’s work has been such a blessing to me. I feel like I would be so lost without having found her website. I decided that I was going to dedicate my life to being a full time student. These thoughts and feelings did not come from a place of truth and I knew that. I wanted to find out where they were coming from and how I could find some inner peace.
“Then I purchased the e-course. I found such a strong support system on the forum. So many men and women felt exactly like I was feeling. We all had such similar stories. I was totally not alone and my feelings were NORMAL. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I had a lot of work to do but I was ready for it. I did nothing but work through the e-course, journal and pour over books for months. I was constantly working on finding inner peace and joy that I knew was buried under all the anxiety. I visited the forum daily to remind myself how normal my feelings were, how others have such similar situations to my own. I didn’t realize what an important journey I was on. I wasn’t just working on my “marriage anxiety”. I was on a journey of real self discovery. I was learning how I tick and I was developing tools that will stick with me for life.
“The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the e-course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey but what I have learned is that it’s not my fiancé It’s not anyone else. It’s an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention.
“I would encourage every single bride and groom to work through the e-course. I feel like it was such an eye opening experience that everyone and anyone can benefit from. I learned so much about myself and I can truly say that I learned how to really fall in love with my fiance. Not a “fireworks and butterflies” type of love, but a real, safe, healthy love. I didn’t even know what real love was until I started on this journey; I had a very skewed belief in a fairy tale. I didn’t even realize that until the anxiety hit me and I found Sheryl’s work. I am 100% certain that anyone who is experiencing anxiety over marriage will benefit from Sheryl’s work. It has definitely changed my life and if you are ready and willing, it can change your life for the better, too!
- Jessie, Phoenix, AZ
If you’re having any relationship, engagement, or marriage anxiety, I strongly encourage you to purchase the Conscious Weddings E-course. The website, message boards, and Sheryl’s advice saved my life! I’m now 27 years old. I have been married for a little bit over a year. My husband and I started dating when we were 18 years old and have been together for 9 years. We met in high school and then dated throughout college. We also lived together for 3 years before we got married. I always knew that I was going to marry him while we were dating. I just thought, “I can’t wait to get the ring, then all of our problems will magically disappear and we’ll live happily ever after.” Ha, I was very naive because of all of the Hollywood images that had been put into my head since I was a little girl.
My husband proposed with all of my family around us. My first thought was, “Oh my God, what have I done, we can’t get married, I don’t love him enough. I can’t believe I led him on for 7 years, I’m a horrible person.” What I didn’t realize is that those thoughts were completely normal. I believed the thoughts because I had the thoughts so they must be the truth. This was NOT the case at all but I couldn’t see it at the time. I was normally such a happy, loving person. What in the world was going on? I was now the girl that wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, didn’t want to be around anyone or anything. I couldn’t get out of bed, I sobbed many, many times a day. Where did this amazing person go? What was happening to my relationship? Was I going to run, break my husband’s heart, and not marry him after all we had been through? I went into a deep, dark depression. I was depressed throughout my entire engagement. I had never been depressed before in my life! Now, I was at the doctor getting medicine for anxiety? I was completely different from everyone else, this is horrible. This had to be wrong, this had to be a bad choice. Right?
I found the E-Course after I had been married for several months. After I spoke with Sheryl and all of the people on the message board, I realized that this wasn’t wrong. My reaction was completely normal. I dealt with the extreme anxiety my entire engagement. After I got married I still dealt with mild anxiety for quite some time. However, I used many tools that were provided for me through the e-course. I have now been married for a little over a year. I didn’t realize way back then why I was having the anxiety. I now understand that I had the anxiety because I felt so safe in my relationship. This was the first person in my entire life that I could fall apart in front of and he would be there helping me along. I found out that my fear had a lot to do with my parents’ divorce, my non-relationship with my father, and an abusive ex-boyfriend from the past. I had to work through those fears and accept the fact that my husband was nothing like my father or my ex and that he was not going to hurt me in anyway.
Now I get anxiety very rarely. The anxiety doesn’t really bother me that much because I know that it is just lies. My husband and I have a great marriage and I’m so happy that I stuck it out and married him! We are now back to the relationship we had before we got married, except our relationship is so much stronger than I could have ever imagined. Thank you, Sheryl, thank you message board friends, thank you to my wonderful husband, and I also thank myself for having the courage to make if through such a difficult time in my life.
- Janelle, 27, Pennsylvania
A.G.’s Story: A Groom from North of England
Before I met the woman who was to become my wife, I hadn’t done an awful lot of dating. I’d had one serious girlfriend when I was at University, which lasted for a year, there were a few flings and the odd encounter that lasted into the following week, but for the majority of what became a ten year spell, I was single and desperate to find love.
The date was 1st September 2009 and I was required to introduce myself to, and make feel welcome, a new member of my department. He was a rather surly individual who gave very little away and didn’t seem interested in making much of an effort. There were other new starters there that day in other departments and everyone was together for their induction. My obligations towards our faculty’s newest recruit became a secondary priority as I chatted freely with a ray of sunshine. I was immediately attracted to her, and within a couple of weeks we were an item.
Things progressed rapidly. Within six months, we’d moved in together and before our first anniversary, I’d popped the question. In the run up to the proposal, I’d started to question whether or not it was the right thing to do, but I thought that that was natural and even healthy; it meant that, although I wasn’t hanging around, it wasn’t something I was taking lightly. A huge difference between her and recent flames was the reaction of my friends and family; my mother in particular was bowled over by how lovely she was. My closest friends had continually warned me about women that I’d been attracted to before and they’d always turned out to be right. This time they were all in agreement that I was the luckiest son of a builder in the world.
With all this reassurance, of course I was doing the right thing. There was a problem, however. My subconscious wouldn’t let it drop. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re making a mistake. You don’t love her.’ There was no evidence to support any of this, so my mind started to invent things and torment me with them. ‘She’s too loud. She’s not as witty as you. She’s not as clever as you.’ None of which should matter, even if they’re true, which they’re not. I was able to keep these thoughts at bay for the most part until mid April, two months before the wedding, when I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn’t have any love for her. ’She’s not the one’, I thought. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. How could I have been so stupid to let things get so out of hand so quickly? There was nothing else for it. Imminent though the wedding was, I couldn’t go through with it. I went home to break the news to her.
She asked me if I still loved her. I said that I didn’t know. And with that, our engagement was over. For the next few minutes I tried to explain what I was going through. I said that for some reason, I was having to let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn’t know why. As I spoke those words, I knew that to end it was not what I really wanted. Within half an hour, we’d patched things up to the extent that we were re-engaged but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I still felt as though I didn’t love her, but I couldn’t find any real reason why. I went to a couple of different therapists who tried their best to help me with these intrusive thoughts but time was running out.
I spent a huge amount of time searching the internet for advice on cold feet and general wedding anxiety, none of which was helpful. ’Doubt means don’t’ they all yelled at me. Two weeks before the wedding, I found the Conscious Weddings website. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mine. I learned so much about myself. About how my perceptions and expectations of marriage had been shaped by the media in the form of romantic comedies and how if your stomach doesn’t do somersaults every time they walk into a room, it means you don’t love that person. I realised, although it seems obvious now, that if that’s the way it is, then there isn’t anyone who has been with the same person for more than two years who can claim to be in love.
Thankfully, with the help of Conscious Weddings, I was learning that that isn’t the way love is. I was learning that love is a choice, not a feeling. I was learning that real love was deciding to commit to someone, even after the feelings of infatuation have faded. I was learning that, although I could leave at any time, the anxious feeling of doubt would still be there waiting for me when my next relationship reached a similar stage. Most importantly, I learned that the problem was inside of me, it had nothing to do with my other half. I learned that I’d spent my whole life trying to run away from myself. I learned that if I wanted peace, then I had to tend to my inner child, whom I’d neglected for so long.
It’s taken a long time, but I can say without any shadow of a doubt that I love my wife, and I love being married. If you’re reading this now after searching the internet for reassurance, then, as cliched as it may sound, I know how you’re feeling. Trust me. Do the work on this e-course and you’ll be more than fine. You’ll find your way to a kind of love that you didn’t know existed.
As I said earlier, love is a choice. Now, I’m no fan of The Eagles, I find them uninteresting and formulaic, but the lyrics from the song Desperado sum it up beautifully:
“You’d better let somebody love you,
Before it’s too late.”
Good luck. You’re not alone.
- AG, North of England
I’m sharing my story as I truly believe The Conscious Weddings E-Course helped me to learn about real love and helped me open my heart.
I met the man of my dreams after a few failed relationships and many heartaches. There was so many times I had to pinch myself as the guy who swept me off my feet seemed too good to be true. He is handsome, funny, smart, loyal, and genuine and every other amazing word you can think of. I couldn’t believe it when after Chris proposed to me I fell into a pit of depression and serious anxiety. It was debilitating and for a few weeks I was an emotional mess; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried and constantly felt sick. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I felt when Chris was everything I wanted and more and I wanted to get married for a while. The only explanation I could come up with for my feelings were ‘maybe I’m feeling this way because he isn’t the right one’ or ‘maybe I don’t love him enough’ ‘maybe we aren’t meant to be’. These thoughts tormented me for quite some time and I tried to push them away. Sometimes when I ignored them I would feel better for a little while but then they would creep back to me and drop me in a pit of depression all over again.
We set our wedding day for 28th April 2012 so I had 2 years to get my feelings in order. I decided to take action: I started seeing a therapist to deal with the actual physical anxiety and I started researching online. A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Conscious Weddings – Sheryl Paul’s work and the first blog I read I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone and also there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings. I signed up for the e-course almost immediately and got straight on with the lessons. I read and read and read. I spoke to my fiancé about it and I showed him some of Sheryl’s videos so he could really understand how I was feeling (even though he was so supportive anyway despite being slightly confused at times), I frequented the forums and read as much as I could. I come from a family and past of much anxiety and stress and it was time for me to break the cycle. The best thing I learnt was that love is not a feeling it is a choice and a decision. For an anxious person who thinks too far into the future this is a very hard thing to grasp but after doing this course I have grasped it.
I can proudly say I walked down that aisle on the 28th April 2012 and became a wife. Marrying Chris was the best thing I have ever done. I worked so hard in the 2 years to work through my feelings and anxiety and it was only thanks to Sheryl and her amazing work. I dread to think how things may have turned out if I hadn’t done this course or found this website. I could have lost the most amazing person I have ever met and would likely be in the same situation a few years down the track with somebody else. I am now a wife and I have a husband and I know that with my type of personality there are bound to be more hurdles to jump in the anxiety department, but I now have the tools and knowledge to manage these situations. This knowledge I know I will pass on to my children. I know not only has it helped me get through my engagement and take the amazing leap of faith but also I believe has set up such a strong foundation for my marriage. We are stronger from this; I am more determined to build the best marriage I can with my husband. I choose to love him every day for the rest of my life and I will do that to the best of my ability. Together we can get through anything.
Marriage so far has been amazing; I have made such a great decision with such an amazing person. I would encourage anyone who has visited this website looking for help to do this e-course and join our community. There is so much help here and so many people who feel exactly the same as what you feel. We don’t all have the exact same story or history and we don’t all have the exact same thoughts but we all searched for the same things which lead us to this website and I guarantee you that this is the place to be. Hang in there, be strong and don’t give up.
- Rosanne, Australia
I’m sharing my story in an effort to inspire some hope for those of you still in the thick of things.
I’m Anne – I am 30 years old and live in Chicago. I got married on July 23, 2011, so I am now a wife and newlywed…wow! Something I wasn’t quite sure I could pull off in the throes of anxiety! I have been with my husband for 5 years; we got engaged in February 2011, something I had been wanting for a year or so. Almost immediately I started to panic. Since I didn’t think that response was appropriate, I went into a tailspin from there. The first few months of engagement were so hard (no sleeping, no eating, sobbing, feeling alone, etc.) and then I found this course, which was the best thing that could have ever happened! It allowed me to feel my feelings, to address them directly, to hear stories to make me know I wasn’t alone and to start working on myself.
The engagement was really up and down. I have never done well with change in general and I think in this case the changes hit in stages, which required me to work through each of them individually. First, I was a fiance and I had to get used to that…took a while, but eventually I did. The second stage happened because the thought hit me – “I’m about to be a bride!” ACK! Then I went BAM, back into a spiral of anxiety. I worked through that and eventually got used to the idea of being a bride. Then, finally I realized, “Okay, now I am about to be a wife!” and the cycle continued. Once I realized I was just diving deeper into the transition and going layer by layer into my new identity it helped take some of the power out of the anxiety and I could figure out where it was coming from. Figuring that out was a huge help, because isn’t not understanding WHY you feel a certain way a huge portion of why it’s so scary?
Early on the morning of my wedding day I felt kind of numb…not excited, not terrified, just kind of like a normal day. Then a little later in the morning I got really, really nervous and I thought, “If today is going to feel like this, I don’t know if I can go through with it.” I spent part of the morning with my mom and sister and part of it alone before the bridesmaids descended and the day got going. That alone time was essential to get me through the numbness and then the fear. I prayed, I journaled, I took a walk, I prayed, I read, I did the wedding day meditation from the e-course 3 times, I prayed some more. Then, miraculously, at around 11am, I crossed over. Crossed over into joy and appreciation and excitement and, you know what? Peace. Actual peace. It was the most wonderful thing.
After that point I had the most amazing day of my life. Sheryl and other brides are right when they say it is overwhelmingly wonderful when you look out at your guests and see so many people who love you and support you and want the best for you and your husband. I had a session with Sheryl the week before the wedding where I told her I was afraid I would run – she assured me I wouldn’t and I didn’t! You couldn’t have kept me from going down that aisle!
One thing that helped me was that I did not have huge expectations for my wedding day. I knew marrying Michael was a great idea, that he was a solid choice. And I knew I wanted to be married, even if fear told me I didn’t, so I was going to go through with it. When talking to my sister about my fears a few weeks before the wedding she responded with, “So what if your wedding day is tough? That doesn’t mean you shouldn’t marry him. Maybe you just get through it and engagement sucks and your wedding day is just okay. You are still making the right choice.” So I went into the day being very open to whatever feelings would come and somehow by doing that, by taking the expectations off myself and not feeling guilty about how I felt, I found joy again. My advice would be the same as Sheryl’s – let any feeling in and don’t beat yourself up about it. Feelings come and go and they are so unreliable that it is always a bad idea to look to them for cues about how to make decisions.
So, we have been married for almost 6 weeks and it’s been lovely. It has surprised me how comforting it already is. There are still anxious times, moments of, “Oh wow, this is big, what have I done?” but they pass much more quickly. I do the same “So what?” kind of thing others have talked about here instead of reading into the anxious questions like I did before. I used to think the thoughts were a sign that something was wrong, that I should run, but that was all a lie. Making the decision to marry even though I wasn’t sure I should or could do it was a huge slap in the face of fear; now we have made the decision and we are going to own it. That is that! I feel little moments of anxiety and I definitely don’t feel 100% like myself, but it’s all a part of the journey and I don’t have to have it all figured out today. My mom told me it is super important to be very kind to myself in these first months/year of marriage. It’s been so busy and there has been so much change so I’m trying to take her advice and not “should” all over myself. My advice is to take the time to heal and get used to things and definitely find the courage to open up to your partner about what you are going through. Talking through fear deflates its power and gives your partner a chance to help you.
I know I am so blessed to have had a wonderful wedding day and good first weeks of marriage – I know not everyone has that experience. Remembering that day does give me joy and hope in moments of fear, but it’s not just that. I don’t have it all figured out, but I do know a few things that work for me. Working through the course and having a session with Sheryl was vital. I still read posts and go back through the exercises in the e-course to keep myself grounded. Finally, I choose to love Michael every day. I just choose it beyond what my feelings tell me to do. Oftentimes, feeling follows choice/rational thought. Sometimes it doesn’t, but what’s done is done (how romantic right?!) and I’ll keep owning this and eventually being a wife will feel as normal as any other role I have had. Until then I’m not going anywhere and because I made a wise choice, neither is he. It’s amazing how people can love us even though we are so broken and messy and ugly sometimes.
Keep hanging on, friends; there is light on the other side of all of this. Going through this is so hard, but as we keep going down the path, we are gaining such wisdom, depth, understanding and love. It’s so hard to believe, but we really are blessed. I am getting through it and you all will too.
- Anne Harman Solheim, Chicago, IL
“Before I found the E-Course I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of patience I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage with working through the lessons, journaling and support of the forum that this had nothing to do with my partner, but just fears that were trying to protect me from getting hurt by love. I think there does come a point after you’ve panicked enough that your psyche says, okay, that’s great and all, but what are we going to do about it? The course helps you with finding your way out. With each fear you shine your light on, you realize, oh, that’s not scary at all or there is no way that makes any sense or oh, I don’t actually believe that, and then you keep moving forward.
“Soon I realized how good it felt to take care of myself. These fears didn’t begin with my now husband. He didn’t cause them; they had always been lurking. And, in a sense, I always knew that. But fears are scary. Just like anything that involves risk. As a young child, I was always afraid of the dark, sleepovers, trying new things. But I have a heart that wants to explore and wants love so it pushes me. And for the kind of gal I am, it’s not enough for me to just “jump out of a plane”; I need to prepare and take care of myself while I’m in the process of taking a risk. A loving form of self-care was the missing piece. There had been no way for me to show the scared part of myself taking the risk that I’m being taken care of. When I began to realize that I could do that, jumping out of the plane seemed okay. Sure it was scary, but I could do it. The e-course and the forum gave me the tools. Kind of like a parachute and protective goggles
“If you’re reading this right now, I know you’re scared. I know how fear can paralyze, what it can say to you. It’s scary stuff. But that’s at the heart of it: it’s just fear. And fear really isn’t as big as it thinks it is when you shine the light on it. If you work hard at taking care of your feelings around this transition, you will get to the other side. And it’s more beautiful and rich and full than you could ever imagine and nothing like fear could have ever predicted!
- Ashley B.
When I got engaged to my long-term boyfriend, I almost immediately started to panic. My mind knew that he was an honest, kind, truly good man that I trusted and felt safe with, but fear completely took over. I felt unsure that he was “the one” or “the right one.” Growing up, I never had many examples of happy marriages around me, and as an adult I’ve watched marriages fall apart. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in marriage in general, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to commit.
These unsure feelings caused me so much stress that I stopped sleeping through the night and felt very closed off from my fiance. For months, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of my friends about my “cold feet” because I was sure that these feelings meant something bad. I held it inside to the point of almost breaking down. I avoided wedding planning and panicked when it came time to send our save-the-date cards.
I felt like the fear that consumed me meant that I should run, get out while I could. I started going to message boards where other women talked hopelessly about breaking off their engagements… and then I really started to panic. But looking back, there was something that made me keep searching. The thought of staying left me with an uncertain feeling, but the thought of leaving him was more painful than anything else. That’s why I’m glad that I found Sheryl’s work. A tiny part of me knew deep down that I really didn’t want to leave him, but my fear was taking over. I read Sheryl’s book. Although it didn’t “cure” me from all of my anxiety, it was the catalyst for my mind to start thinking differently about my engagement.
As a last-resort, I decided to sign up for the e-course. Almost immediately, I started to feel little sparks of hope. It forced me to spend time on understanding myself more fully, recognizing which feelings were normal and which had to be worked through. I realized that I was not the only person in the whole world experiencing engagement anxiety. Through the course, I came to understand a lot about myself and fear. This sounds strange, but for those of us who have experienced engagement anxiety, it’s most likely because we know that marriage is about more than just the fairy tale and the pretty stuff. Marriage is hard work, which is why it can be a big, scary step in a lot of ways. The course helped me to understand that it was absolutely normal to have fear about marriage and that I wasn’t alone.
The e-course is a study of becoming more conscious of your thoughts. It is not a quick fix; instead, it’s a self-paced, rebuilding of the way you understand your feelings and thoughts. The more you understand about your self and your anxiety, the more power you feel over your anxiety. Because of the e-course, I was emotionally ready to experience all of the love I felt on my wedding day, without panic. I’m so grateful for Sheryl and I recommend this course to anyone who is on their engagement journey.
Before I started this program I was unsure as to why I was questioning my relationship so much and felt as though maybe I was trying to force it to work or be right because I did not understand. I missed the feeling of earth shattering “in love” or desire took hold of me and I was unable to think or make decisions for myself.
I would also say that my transition has been really hard, and filled with a lot of surprises; so many aspects of my life that I never would have anticipated are coming into the light as ones that need attention or work. At times I have not been able to sleep and I have lashed out at my fiance as a result of having so many feelings going on at once. I have learned the value of writing and journaling, and self-esteem.
The e-course helped me to start to understand what real love is and do the work to begin to accept things as they are with all of their uncertainties. It also provided me with useful tools that I will be able to use for my whole life that help control my anxiety, which I have always suffered from. It taught me that thoughts are just that- thoughts, and that one can learn to choose them.
I am still in the process of the transformation, but in general I have felt like I am beginning to embrace things and understand that my path is learning to accept my life as it is. I have more hope and confidence in myself than before. I see changes in my outlook on life and in the world, when I am not stuck in my anxiety, and feel better most days than not.
This is some of the hardest work you will ever do, but its also some of the most rewarding. If you are afraid or unsure I would encourage you to move forward with the e-course. You only have your clarity to gain.
- Liz, Santiago, Chile
A Testimonial in Three Parts
A few days after starting the course:
I cannot begin to tell you how my level of anxiety has just plummeted since I found this website and ecourse. Knowing that I am normal and not alone has quite honestly cut my anxiety in half! When I first had a little anxiety attack, I began to have more and more anxiety, simply about the fact that I was anxious — my gut must be trying to tell me not to get married, I thought. Now that I know it’s okay to be anxious (and sad and lonely) I feel better. Really since my fiance and I met I’ve worried I don’t love him enough, or that I’m settling, because we don’t have the infatuation I had with previous relationships. But we do have the strong, steady, reliable comfort of the kind of healthy relationship I never had before. Also, the way he eats drives me CRAZY and I’m glad to know that’s not unusual. This experience of being on the forums and working through the lessons have turned a light back on inside me I had forgotten about. Thank you!
Upon completion of the course:
I have blasted through this ecourse at top speed because I was so freaked out and I wanted to learn everything RIGHT NOW, and now I am going back to start over and work through it more thoroughly. The reason I came looking for this course and the reason I purchased it was that my fiance was driving me crazy, which led me to question whether I loved him enough and whether I was making a mistake. When I read the overview for this ecourse I felt like it was created with me in mind. Learning about projection and how to deal with it has already made our day-to-day experience much more loving. Also, ever since I started dating my fiance he has been very sure and convinced we would marry, but I could not stop questioning whether I loved him enough. I was so grateful to learn that what we have is real, and is enough, even though it doesn’t feel like the drama-filled relationships I have had in the past. Finally, the fact that I had anxiety about the marriage was making me more and more anxious– surely I was not supposed to marry this man if I felt so scared, the anxiety was a sign to run. I had been married before and I did not want to make another “mistake.” Realizing that the anxiety was NOT a sign telling me not to get married brought the anxiety down to a much more manageable level.
Three weeks after her wedding:
I have now been married almost 3 weeks (yay!), and I am just happy as a clam (even his eating habits bug me less). By the time the wedding arrived I was in a state of calm I could not have dreamed of when I was up in the middle of the night searching the internet and came upon your website. My wedding day was amazing – I just got the photos back today, actually, and there is a giant grin on my face in every single shot! I have settled into a contentedness I’ve never experienced before, and I am so grateful for what I learned working through your lessons and the forum.
Newlywed, Memphis, Tennessee
L From Scotland
THANK YOU, Sheryl, for your wonderful honesty, insight and fabulous e-course. Since working through the e-course and being part of the forum, I am overwhelmed by the change in me.
My engagement anxiety first hit just after my fiancé and I became engaged, around five years ago. For me, this anxiety came in the form of loss of sleep, obsessive thoughts about myself and my fiancé dying, panic attacks, making excuses to avoid friends weddings etc. etc. etc. Basically I was paralysed with fear. It was difficult to talk to anyone about this. If I had a phobia of spiders, people would be sympathetic; my phobia was of weddings and marriage, people’s response? ‘Maybe he’s not the one – you should be so happy!’ But I didn’t feel happy. I felt afraid.
Becoming a ‘conscious bride’, ie. working through the e-course and talking with other women and men via the forum, I learnt so much about myself. I learnt that it was okay to feel what I felt and that this is all a healthy part of the transition process. WOW! I cannot tell you the relief I felt to know that that, for some of us, these feelings are NORMAL!
Since beginning the e-course I now have a much clearer understanding of this process and now have tools to work with to help me through my fear as/when it arises (if at all)… although I have to say, my fear thoughts are now merely irritating background whispers, rather than full on stadium roars!
I never thought I be in a position to plan a wedding, let alone be excited about our day and our forthcoming marriage. However since taking part in the e-course, I have been able to plan my wedding with ease and with peace in my heart and mind.
I highly recommend this e-course!
Sheryl’s e-course and blog have been SO beneficial to me. A bit about me! I met my boyfriend 6 years ago and knew pretty much from the beginning that I wanted to be with this guy. He was so different from anyone else I had dated. I was truly happy for about 2 years and wanted my future to be with him and thankfully the feeling was mutual ) We started to make plans for moving in together and BAM out of nowhere, ANXIETY hit me like a train. This was a huge shock that the doubts and anxious thoughts were happening now, with my wonderful guy. Sure, I had had them before in other relationships and for good reason, but now, with him! It filled me with panic and that’s when panic attacks, fear, doubts and obsessive thinking started.
I kept saying, not this relationship, not now! I have found such a good, loving person, I want this to work! Why are you there (the thoughts) you must be real if I am thinking them. Oh, how wrong could I have been. Time went on and for a while I managed them and began enjoying our life together again. I then fell pregnant, which we had planned, then again, BAM negative thoughts, scary, horrible intrusive thoughts about not loving my man or or my baby, about leaving this stable loving relationship and home we had built together. It felt like I was two people, one convincing me to stay and it was all ok, the other convincing me to run, to leave and it would all be ok. And yes during the pregnancy I did leave (for 1 night) I was straight back in the morning, but again the thoughts (or gremlins as I have come to call them) were always hovering nearby.
Time went on and I had some group therapy, then one to one counseling and some CBT. None addressed my problem. They all intimated that I wasn’t facing the fact I should leave. This spiked my anxiety even more. I then found a wonderful book called “Peace from Nervous Suffering” by Dr Clare Weekes. It was the first time I had read that anxiety can cause obsessive thoughts which can attach onto a theme and make them seem REAL. It wasn’t enough though, just to read in a book, I needed actual explanations as to what was happening to me and WHY. I needed WHY to be answered. In desperation one day I googled relationship anxiety and that’s when things started to change for me. I found Sheryl’s work, originally her blog and articles on the website and then eventually I purchased the e-course. It was truly amazing to have found someone who “knew” exactly what I was going through. Sure, my family and friends had been tremendously supportive, but no one really ”knew” what was happening to me. After reading a lot of Sheryl’s posts it was so clear she had been there and would understand the pain and anxiety this was causing me. I had a talk with Sheryl on Skype, which I recommend anyone do as you will see just how much this also means to Sheryl to help you through with her understanding. I then purchased the course.
I am not fixed or cured or completely free of anxiety and obsessive thoughts, but I am on my way. It will take time, as it took me time to reach the low I was at to begin with. All I can say is that I am working through the course and have learnt so much about myself and why this happened to me. My “whys” will be different from anyone else’s but the way out is the same. This course has given me the tools I needed and also the understanding that I am not alone, there is someone who understands and who has the ability to write from the heart in a way that only someone who has been “there” can.
So, a huge thank you to Sheryl and her work and for helping me on my way to enjoying my future with a wonderful man and little boy. I don’t expect the course to cure me of anxiety, nothing can do that, however it has helped give me the tools I need to get through the rich tapestry life throws at us.
Nina from Hertfordshire, UK
It’s difficult to fully sum up the positive difference Sheryl’s work has made to my life. The e-course helped me to manage my sky-high levels of anxiety a few months before our wedding, giving me the tools to see that my feelings were normal and not an indication that there was ‘something wrong’ with my relationship. Now that I’m married (a year last month!), the message boards help to remind me of all I’ve learnt about myself, real love and unfinished transitions.
More than just helping me to be a conscious bride (and wife), Sheryl’s work has empowered me take the steps to start to confront a lifelong habit of anxiety. Thank you Sheryl, in a society obsessed with PERFECT brides and weddings, I may have listened to the voice of my fear were it not for your wisdom and support. A year ago, I had a peaceful, joyful wedding day. More importantly, I’m now enjoying a stable life and happy marriage where I’m finally able to see all those moments of joy I missed when I was spending all my time worrying.
Alex from London
“I can proudly say I am a happily married woman thanks to Sheryl and her life-changing course. I was so deep in fear and anxiety, all enjoyment and happiness had been zapped from my life. One day I was desperately looking for answers and I stumbled onto Sheryl’s website. It was an instant comfort! The pieces I was reading felt like that were written specifically for me! I reached out to Sheryl who responded that very day, letting me know that this was completely normal and that I could, in fact, find peace. I started the course and began my healing. It took weeks of self assessment, addressing my fears and completely deconstructing the meaning of “love”. I had the complete wrong idea of love, and soon recognized how loving, wonderful and fulfilling my relationship really was. Not only was I misreading my relationship, but I was misreading myself. I had to start looking inward since I was projecting outward. Sheryl’s course gives conscious brides the courage to face their fears in a calm and supportive arena. Thank you Sheryl for helping me find my inner peace and the “real” love I have for my husband.”
Nicole, Hoboken, NJ