One of the most common questions my engaged clients ask is, “How do I know I’m marrying the right person? How do I know I’m not making a mistake?” There are several layers to this question. The first layer speaks to the fact that there are no guarantees that any marriage will last a lifetime. We enter marriage with the intention of making a lifelong commitment; we ask ourselves honest questions about the relationship during the put-it-under-a-microscope engagement stage (which is like a trial marriage); and then we grab hands with our loved one and jump off a cliff together, hoping that the parachute opens or that our leap carries us over the abyss and we land safely on the other side.
The second layer speaks to the tendency for most of my clients to second guess themselves at every major juncture of their lives. They typically describe themselves as someone who has a hard time making decisions – whether it’s where to go to school or what job to accept – so it should come as no surprise that, faced with the biggest decision of their life – they would have a hard time finding their truth. This is where the transition counseling turns into ongoing counseling and I have the opportunity to help my clients discover the false beliefs that are limiting their ability to know their truth as well as helpthem develop an internal guidance system that will serve them for the rest of their lives.
Through the processes of dialoguing and mindfulness, I assist my clients in learning how to connect with their inner guidance (also called Higher Self, Higher Power, Wise Self, God). Central to both my transition work is encouraging my clients to slow down and drop into their breath and emotional body. When we’re moving at the breakneck speed of a typical life these days, it’s very difficult to turn inward and hear a wiser voice within us. Wisdom speaks in slower, quieter language, one that typically shies away from things like computers, televisions, phones, and stereos. So the first step in hearing your truth is to unplug, slow down, breathe, and tune inward.
Next, I encourage my clients to find the ways that bring them into alignment with the slower and wiser rhythm. There are many ways to facilitate easier access to this higher wisdom. These actions will not go very far in bringing you closer to your truth.
- Move into your imagination
- Keep your body clear of chemicals
- Spend time in nature
- Listen to classical or spiritual music
- Do creative, artistic activities
- Light candles
My clients often want someone outside themselves to tell them if they should get married or not, but even when they hear an answer from someone else it doesn’t stick unless they find that place of truth within themselves. Through educating them on the truth about love and marriage, thereby eradicating false beliefs like, “Unless I feel madly in love with my partner I shouldn’t be getting married”, and helping them connect with their own internal truth and guidance, they all find their way to the decision that will most effectively move them to their next level of growth. And, more importantly, they learn skills that will serve them during every transition for the rest of their lives.