How to Multiply Your Love and Attraction

by | Jul 14, 2019 | Open Your Heart, Relationships | 24 comments

What would it be like to throw yourself full-bodied and without restraint into love’s arms, to set the fear voices and inherited scripts that say, “Love isn’t safe” on the fence of your mind and walk through the tattered gates of your heart that are still trying to keep you safe?

What would it be like to recognize that every moment of irritation, resistance, lack of attraction, and doubt is a projection of your own place of “not enough”,  to bundle up these manifestations of fear and toss them into night’s constellations or set them on leaf-boats that float along the river of your soul and choose love anyway?

It would be like spring’s river rushing past red cliffs.

It would be like apple blossoms in full bloom.

It would be like birds singing their songs at daybreak.

Every time you walk through fear’s door, love multiples.

Every time you meet fear’s challenge and push through it instead of believe its tricks, love multiples.

Every time you rewire the habitual and culturally conditioned voice that tears down your partner and analyzes them under a high-powered microscope, attraction grows.

There was a time when love wasn’t safe, when the tender field of your heart was trampled on by well-meaning but wounded others, but that time is not now. Not with this kind and willing partner who stands before you, arms outstretched.

There was a time when fearful children encased in bully masks terrorized you daily and taught you not to trust, but that time is not now, not with this sweet human who only wants to love you.

Fear beckons you, enticing you to fall for its tricks and lies so it can keep you safe. But at the same time, paradoxically, fear is rooting for you to say, “No. I will not listen. I will throw myself into love’s arms anyway. I will say YES to everything, even to the expressions of NO, until I discover that every time I do this, love multiples.

What would it be like to watch fear’s walls crumble like hardened sand into the sea every time you say yes to love?

What would it feel like to dive headlong into safe and available love?

Fear will tell you: “Don’t jump! The water is too cold!’ But once you dive in, love’s waters enfold you in warmth, and you wonder why you were so scared.

And it would feel like joy.

It would feel like the pair of ducks that meet in the creek each spring.

It would feel like exhale and safety.

It would feel like the reason why you’re here.

There is a roadmap to help you shrink fear and grow love. There is a set of Love Laws and Loving Actions that will guide you along the path of awakening into the love that is your birthright. This is what I teach in Open Your Heart: A 30-day course to feel more love and attraction for your partner. 

I released the first round of Open Your Heart in May 2013, and it still remains one of my most popular courses. Why? Because our deepest longing is for love, attraction, and connection, yet when fear flares into the picture, love and attraction wither and wilt. You know there’s a way back. You hope that even if attraction wasn’t there in the beginning that it can be grown. And you’re right: one spark of love can be fanned into full fire and you can rewire the faulty connections that are preventing you from seeing and feeling attracted to your partner… if you only knew the way.

The fifteenth round of this course will begin on August 4th, 2019, and registration is now open. I look forward to seeing you there and guiding you personally along the paths to open-hearted and full-bodied loving.



  1. That’s so good to hear, Ari. Since you went through the self-paced option, you’re eligible to join the live round at no extra charge, which would give you access to the forum and the group calls. You can contact my assistant if you’re interested (and she’ll reach out to you as well ;)).

  2. Hi Sheryl, what if the emotional connection/chemistry isn’t there? On paper my partner is such a great guy. But I feel like I am not drawn to his essence and that we don’t have that kind of connection. We can see things similarly, but I just have always felt the emotional connection missing. That essence to essence connection, which I understand as authentic attraction. I am so tired of just feeling so awkward and lonely around him. It’s like there’s a big elephant in the room that I don’t have feelings for him in that way and I’ve wasted so many years. I am attached to him. I know there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to leave. I’m afraid to. But I’m tired of feeling this way. What’s worse is that I think I might actually be more oriented toward the same sex, since I can feel more of a emotional connection there and I really struggle to connect with men and enjoy them, except for an ex I had that I had such strong chemistry with. I really genuinely liked him so much and I could talk to him for hours on end. I’ve also had a crush on another man that I felt chemistry with, but I can’t confirm how that would have been sexually/romantically since nothing happened. I still don’t want to leave my partner because I know how rare he is, but I’m scared I’m going to be miserable forever and I just can’t make it work for me. It feels like I am leading him on and I don’t want to be here. Yet I think a part of me does. But maybe it is just truly fear that’s keeping me here in my case. I feel like I could only make it work with a man if I feel genuinely emotional connected aka have chemistry with the guy. That I can just talk to him and have fun with him and feel at ease and that we flow/vibe. It’s a rare occurrence. And I don’t know if I can ever have that with him. Which breaks my heart because I care about him a lot and I wish I could truly love him and enjoy him. But I don’t see how. He’s such a good man. It just seems like I truly am the worst case scenario. It hurts. I cry about it all the time but I don’t know how to get my heart to open up to him. It feels like it would be easier and more fun with a woman, but I wish it would be with the “right” man. What’s even more annoying is that on paper I know my partner is soooo much better than my ex. But the awkward silence and unease I always feel sucks. I can’t just enjoy him and it doesn’t flow. It’s like that core piece is missing for me. He knows this. But maybe I really do just have to leave and be with a woman or maybe meet another guy that I have that kind of connection/chemistry with. It’s like I don’t want to leave but I don’t know if I truly want to stay. I wish to, but because of everything I have mentioned, it seems like I am worst case scenario. I’ve spoken to you a few times before… what are your thoughts? Am I doomed? I would like to believe that I wouldn’t be so upset over having to leave him if I didn’t want to stay. But I can’t find that I genuinely want to either. I just don’t know how to do this without that connection feeling. That’s how I open up to a man romantically and feel that I really like them. Is if we “click”/vibe/flow. But I don’t want to leave. It’s just hard when around my girl friends I can feel this and warm feelings and feel at ease and more like myself. And I feel like having those elements is how I open up sexually/romantically. Especially necessary for a man, but it seems rare. I just feel so hopeless. I feel like I can’t be authentic here and I just wish so badly that it would flow between us. I care about him and I am attached. He’s so good to me. It’s not fair. I’m crying because I feel hopeless. I don’t want to leave him but how can this change?

    • Because I know a bit of your background I want to say to you that you’re not going to find clarity until you work with your trauma. When you come from trauma, the residual experience lives in your body and greatly affects your ability to find clarity. I urge you to work with someone in person who specializes in trauma healing.

      • Thanks Sheryl. After writing this I could tell I really do have an amazing partner and he is truly who I want. My heart just has such a hard time opening up to that, but I have had glimpses of openings. I know I wouldn’t stay if I genuinely didn’t want him. Which I know I do. I don’t want anyone else. I can clearly see we do have a real connection. I just can’t FEEL it. I wish my heart could open up and feel it. That I can connect to that and open up to the love that’s here. I genuinely don’t want to leave him and I can feel that more and more in my heart although not always. Deep down I know that I want him and that this relationship and he is so precious to me. I just need to work on clearing out what’s blocking me from emotionally connecting and embracing him. Because he truly is the best thing that’s happened to me. And I’m so tired of being completely shut down from him emotionally and sexually. I know I can get there. I just hate that it’s this hard and that I have so much blocking my heart. I’ve also been always the one to run away and play games. He is the first person that I really want to “do the work” for, if that makes sense. Fear convinced me I am staying for all of the wrong reasons and that I don’t truly love him and I’m not attracted to him. A part of me senses that I am, but I am blocked off from feeling it. Opening up to the amazing man I have. I know he is such a good fit for me. Honestly he is. So I think it’s more that my trauma and fears and false beliefs are blocking my heart to open up to him. Because that’s all I want. Even if I can’t feel the desire lol.

        • Hi there,

          I’m in same club as you.. Just wanted to support you and say something that might be it will be helpful: now it’s going eclipse corridor: 2nd July it was solar eclipse, on 17th July it will be Moon eclipse- it’s very difficult emotional period, many people want to break up and do silly things they will regret later. If you follow some moon calendar (i prefer Jyothish – eastern astrology calendar- have a look, may be you will like it too)- you may know in advance when you might feel not good and tell to yourself – it’s just such a period going. Keep on mind your own coming periods too 😉 they play bad tricks with us )))) Sorry for grammar mistakes, English is not my first language, just wanted to support. Lots of love from Russia ?

          PS it’s life long job to be conscious, but it’s worth it ?

        • Oh, one more tip – may be get a book by Stormy Omartian – Power of Praying Wife – something like this. Even if you are not Christian, these prayers are very helpful and powerful, you will feel better immediately. Search for anything that works for you – and you will find ?

        • Sorry for being tiny annoying, but this also helps tons – The Work by Byron Katie – read about this, it’s absolutely free, but helps SO much!! You ask yourself 4 questions, and feel free from negative thoughts. Please try, it really helps. ???

        • Hi, I’m a male and had this similar situation. I just want you to know I also had that numb, detached, and fearful feeling consume my life every day. I discovered meditation to ease my anxiety and spoke about my situation with my therapist. Today, I’m so grateful for my amazing wife – she is the rock that keeps me grounded and is the perfect mate for me. I still have odd feelings now and then but I don’t freak out anymore because I recognize them and then move on. I’m so excited about where my life is going with my wife and our dog and like Sheryl once said, anxiety is a gift but of course, you can’t see it now. Hang in there trust me, if you have gotten this far it is just the fear that is preventing you from fully embracing him as your partner.

      • Hi Sheryl, I feel the same way as the individual above, but do not feel as though I am more connected to women. Which course would you recommend? I have been in my relationship for 8 years. Thanks

  3. Is this a good course for someone in an abusive relationship? My husband has broken his hand hitting walls, and according to the women’s violence support people (at the shelter I’ve stayed at when it gets bad), he is engaging in economic, emotional and psychological abuse. After what has happened in our relationship, I just don’t think I can ever love him like I used to. You didn’t mention how this course would help those of us in abusive relationships. I’m not clear how loving him more will help. Also, since he controls the money, what strategy is best to get him to pay for it?

  4. Thank you for this beautiful post Sheryl! Now that I’ve worked through my relationship anxiety, I see that same pattern of believing love isn’t safe in other corners of my life. This post speaks so beautifully to that core belief. Your work, including the Open Your Heart, have been such a huge help in recognizing and working through the pattern.

    • Thank you, Caitlin, and I’m so glad the course and work in general has helped you name the belief underneath the fear!

  5. This is beautiful, Sheryl. I’m two months out from my wedding, and I’m more in love with my partner than ever. I took this course after the relationship anxiety one, and both helped me tremendously. I was a textbook case, (which for the first time ever was so reassuring). There’s no substitute for “doing the work.” And the work is actually really enlightening, interesting and soothing. Or at least I found it to be. Anyway, this post resonated. Thank you for you.

    • That’s so good to hear, and many blessings on this final stretch of your wedding transition! Yes, it is “work”, but at some point it ceases to feel like work and becomes more of an exploratory learning and healing journey into the deeper layers of self.

  6. The course is really great, I took it back in 2015 and sometimes reread again most relevant for my situation chapters. It gives great tools to be calm, and when you are calm there are no fears, when there are no fears this is Love…

    • Beautifully articulated, Maria. I’m so glad that the course continues to be a source of guidance and support!

  7. I took this course around the time of my marriage transition. I go back to the emails and work through each of the love laws often, especially when I feel myself closing my heart, reverting back to my longing for an unavailable partner, or have intrusive thoughts about my husbands attractiveness. I truly didn’t think I could ever feel the clarity and steadiness I feel now with my relationship with my husband. It takes work and it is not always easy but I am so happy I didn’t let my fear and society’s unrealistic messages of what “real” love should be get in the way of the best thing that ever happened to me. Some days are 10/10 hard and some days are -5 hard (if that makes sense). The key is to hold on as the waves of open heartedness literally come and go. Just know that you are normal if you struggle with feeling love towards your partner. That was the first healing step for me. I am not ashamed of the thoughts I have such as, “I was more attracted to my ex”, “I am not attracted to my partner”, “I just wish I could have a mile of space between us right now”. It’s ok to think these things. But remember to expose fear for what it really is and push through it by taking the loving steps towards your partner anyways. It’s hard but if you trust this process even for a little bit, your heart will start to crack open and you will begin to see for yourself just how powerful your fear is. This course can help you know exactly what to do. Thank you Sheryl for all you have taught to me.

    • It sounds like you’re naming and practicing many of the key Love Laws and Loving Actions from the course, Lauren. It’s so good to hear that it’s become a healthy habit!

  8. Hello, Sheryl. I had relationship anxiety but I don’t know if it’s there

    Lately, I’ve been reading a lot about MBTI types and socionics. My current partner and I are not compatible based on MBTI types and have a “benefit relation” according to Socionics. It makes me very sad because it says we will not make it as a long-term couple.
    What do you know about this?
    Should I keep reading and basing my relationship on these things?

  9. This is a very similar pattern that I struggled/struggle with. If it’s MBTI/Socionics for you, it used to be astrology/synastry for me. Ultimately if you dig deep, you realise that it’s just your fear self vying for control, looking for solid indestructible evidence that yours is a “perfect” relationship with 100% chance of success. Nobody on the outside, no guru/psychic/psychologist can give you that answer. Ultimately, it’s about trusting that what you have is solid l and trusting that it’ll all be fine no matter what. That takes a tremendous leap of faith for us on the anxious spectrum. But ultimately, the more we begin re-orient or source of self trust to the “inner wise self”, the more solid we feel in our choices and less affected we are by Astrology/MBTI or any external source of “wisdom” that contradicts our inner knowing. If there’s one thing that I learnt from Sheryl and other spiritual masters, it is to let go and trust yourself, trust in life. I see that as the core of this work. Self trust and self compassion.

    • Hello!
      Well, MBTI/socionics are deal for me because those are “sciences” and I’ve read some people saying that they’ve seen those dynamics and incompatibilities play in real life and how true they are.

      This is honestly killing me and my relationship.
      I always feel like something is missing or wrong in the relationship, so I google it. The results: incompatibility (mbti and socionics), partner not meeting emotional needs (which is confusing), etc…
      I feel like breaking up with my partner and stop all this uncomfortable pain for both of us.

      Thanks for your wise reply, by the way. I really appreciate it because I can’t really talk about this with anyone. I know our minds can get hooked on many negative things that might not actually be there 🙁

  10. Hello Sheryl!
    I just want to stay how much this website and your book have helped me. I woke up one day with relationship anxiety a little over a month ago. To give some back story, my boyfriend and I have been together since we were 14, we are now almost 22, have a house together, and work with eachother everyday. My partner has been my best friends for years now and after looking at myself and realizing that my thoughts about him are probably just projection, I have realized I have no self love, no self trust, and I have swallowed by so many fears in life. I feel empty, disconnected from everyone and life itself and very overwhelmed each day. Does relationship anxiety show up due to things like lacking self love and trust? I can’t imagine waking up one day after being with my partner for 8 years, spending most of each day together and suddenly not loving him anymore. We never get sick of eachother and I just want the loving feelings to return.


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