One of my Conscious Weddings E-Course members sent me a beautiful article about real love. It was written by a Buddhist nun named Ayya Khema, author of “Being Nobody, Going Nowhere”, and is full of nuggets and gems about the true nature of the heart and what we believe about loving. As she wrote:
“If we were aware that we all contain love within us, and that we can foster and develop it, we would certainly give that far more attention than we do. In all developed societies there are institutions to foster the expansion of the mind, from the age of three until death. But we don’t have any institutions to develop the heart, so we have to do it ourselves….
“If we see quite clearly that love is a quality that we all have, then we can start developing that ability. Any skill that we have, we have developed through practice. If we’ve learned to type, we’ve had to practice. We can practice love and eventually we’ll have that skill.”
Clearly, this flies in the face of everything we’ve been culturally conditioned to believe, feel, and act upon. We believe love is only a feeling; we believe we either have “it” or we don’t; we wait for “the one” to ignite our inner fire and are devastated when either that never happens or it does happen and then fizzles. We believe the love happens to you, that all you need to do is physically show up and the feelings of love will wash over you if you’re with the right person. We believe that the couples who seem effortlessly loving toward each other have achieved this state of happiness without effort.
What a radical shift in mindset to see love as a skill that you can learn and cultivate, like tending a garden or playing tennis.
What a cultural shift to view love as a practice, the way people practice meditation or martial arts.
What does it mean to “practice love”?
If you’re longing for more love and connection with your partner, this shift in mindset will be a tremendous relief. But it also requires that you let go of your cultural conditioning that says that someone else can “make” you feel alive, connected, attracted, and in love and instead be willing to take full responsibility for your aliveness and fulfillment. If you’re willing to take the responsibility, then all you need to learn are the steps that will open your heart.
But where to learn these steps to feel more love and attraction?
Who will teach them to you? Is there a book? A manual?
The Buddhist nun who I quoted above would say that the path is through meditation, that it’s through a daily practice that you begin to connect to the natural state of the heart, which is love. While I wholeheartedly agree, I also know that many people who find me aren’t in a place in their life where they can devote the sufficient time and energy to a daily meditation practice that will result in a softening of the heart. It’s a beautiful path, a time-honored path, a proven path, but it’s not a path that everyone is drawn to take.
In my new program, “Open Your Heart: A 30 day program to feel move love and attraction for your partner“, I’ll be offering another path in which I’ll be teaching you specific Love Laws and Loving Actions that will help you open your heart.
These Love Laws are not hard to learn and will require about 10-15 minutes a day of your time. In a community of like-minded and compassionate people, you’ll be guided through these love laws and inspired to share your journey with others who are also desiring more love and attraction with their partner. Many of these people have taken my Conscious Weddings E-Course, and I can personally attest to their wisdom, compassion, and insight. Through the private Open Your Heart Forum, you’ll be able to connect with them directly, and the buddy that I pair you with will also encourage you along.
If love is a skill (instead of a feeling, a random experience, a stroke of good luck, or destiny), wouldn’t you want to discover how to develop and practice this skill? Join me as I show you the way!