The Conscious Weddings Premarital E-Course:
For Couples Who Want to Begin Their Marriage
With the Best Chance for Success
How is this course different from every other premarital course you’ll encounter? I approach preparing for marriage with the same lens through which I view marriage itself: that if both people are attending to their emotional lives and taking responsibility for creating their own spark of joy for life, the marriage will thrive. This isn’t to say that marriage is merely about two people taking good care of themselves without regard to the other. Quite the opposite: it’s only when we’re loving and whole within ourselves can we truly give to and love another.
Likewise, the journey leading to marriage is primarily about two people taking the time and space to attend to the emotional aspects of their transition of leaving singlehood and becoming a wife or husband. Yes, it’s helpful to learn some basic communication skills and have discussion about core values, money, and love languages – which you will learn in this course – but it’s far more important to examine your expectations about marriage and to understand what is being stirred up for each of you emotionally, whether originating in yourself or in response to your partner, so that you can manage it well and begin your marriage on the healthiest foundation possible.
There are six areas that I’ll be covering in this course (please note that all of this information applies to same-sex couples; change pronouns as needed):
1. An overview for the woman about her transition into marriage.
2. A brief lesson for the woman on understanding and managing engagement anxiety (if you’re struggling with engagement anxiety please consider the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety Course).
3. How a man can effectively address his doubts and fears about marriage – what we call “cold feet” in this culture – as well as offering alternatives to the common bachelor party.
4. How to help a man understand and support his partner when she’s experiencing engagement anxiety.
5. A premarital counseling course “in a bottle”: exploring what marriage means today, discussing core values, expectations, money, sex and attraction, discovering your love languages, and learning effective tools for conflict resolution.
6. A bonus lesson for the mother and father of the bride and groom to help them attend to the uncomfortable feelings triggered by their child’s transition into marriage. A transition for a child is a transition for parents as well!
Lesson 1: The Conscious Bride
Part A: The Bride’s Transition:
- Articles: An Overview of Transitions
- Emotional Checklists: Identifying the Key Areas of the Transition That Are Affecting You
- Conscious Weddings Message Board Archives: Learning about the Transition
- Exercises and Worksheets: Processing the Transition
Part B: When You’re Anxiously Engaged:
- Articles: Understanding and Managing Engagement Anxiety
- MP3 Interview with Melissa from the Conscious Weddings E-Course
(Again, if you’re struggling with engagement anxiety, please consider the Conscious Weddings E-Course, a comprehensive program of accurate information, effective tools, and compassionate support to help you find your clarity and freedom.)
Lesson 2: The Conscious Groom
Part A: The Groom’s Transition:
99% of wedding and marriage transition material out there is aimed at the woman. In this lesson, I’ll be addressing the man who’s going through his transition from bachelor to husband. What I typically see is that men go through their main doubting and fear stage prior to proposing, and once their girlfriend says yes, they’re home free. If they do have cold feet, it doesn’t typically last long as it’s normal and expected in this culture for men to experience cold feet at some point.
Still, it happens, and men are entitled to the same contextual roadmap and support that I’ve been offering women for 14 years. Like all transitions, the more you can transition cleanly into your next role as husband without hanging on to the old identity as bachelor, the more you’ll embrace the new life without resentment or regret, and the more readily the two of you can begin your marriage on a healthy foundation.
- Articles: An Overview of Transitions
- Articles: Understanding your Transition into Marriage
- Articles: Understanding and Managing Relationship Anxiety
- Emotional Checklists for The Conscious Groom: Identifying the Key Areas of the Transition That Are Affecting You
- Exercises and Worksheets: Processing the Transition
- Interview: Robert Pogue on Marriage Anxiety
- Meaningful Rituals for Men: Alternatives to the Common Bachelor Party
Part B: When Your Partner is Anxiously Engaged:
Most of what I see is the guy looking at his fiancé and wondering why she’s so anxious. When he learns that this is normal for the woman, he relaxes and can stop taking it personally and thinking that her anxiety is because she doesn’t really love him. What I try to impart – and I express clearly in the video – is that it’s not because the woman doesn’t love him but because she loves him so much – that for the first time she’s with someone who’s honest, responsible, reliable and is committed to her (as opposed to the unavailable jerks that colored her past) – that her underlying feelings of fear and doubt are unleashed.
- Articles: What is Going On With My Bride?
- Video: For the Partner of the Anxiously Engaged
- Interview: Psychotherapist Ben Ringler on What to Do When You’re Partner is Anxious
- Interview: Michael on Newlywed Depression
Lesson 3: The Conscious Couple: Premarital Counseling in a Bottle
Most premarital courses focus on communication techniques, the discussion of core values and areas of conflict like money, in-laws, time, sex, family. While these are very important topics to discuss – and I address all of them in this lesson – what I’m also interested in offering is how to address the expectations that are triggered when a couple transitions from non-married to married. So we have each person as individuals transitioning – the man from bachelor to husband and the woman from single to wife – and then the third body of the relationship transitioning – literally metamorphosizing – during the engagement, into the wedding day, and through the first year of marriage. Addressing these expectations is one of the most important actions you can take to give your marriage the best chance for success.
- Articles and Interviews: What Does Marriage Mean Today?
- Video Interview: Dr. Robert Paul on Support for Men and Addressing Expectations
- Video Interview: Premarital Coach Leila Talore on Conflict Resolution
- Worksheet: Core Values
- Article: Talking about Money with Financial Therapist Bari Tessler
- Article: Learning Your Love Language (the work of Gary Chapman)
- Exercises: Becoming a Wife or Husband
- MP3 Interview: Kevin Kimball on the key to a healthy marriage
- Recommended Reading
Bonus Lesson: For the Parents of the Bride and Groom
There is no doubt that the wedding world in this culture is geared toward the bride. Once a woman becomes engaged, she has hundreds of web sites, magazines, and books at her fingertips to help her plan her event and, hopefully, make sense of her emotional experience. There is no such information for the mothers and fathers of brides and grooms, and yet you are often the ones that are on the phone every day with your daughter or son, planning, talking, dreaming and trying to make sense of your own emotional experience. For just as a wedding is a major life transition for the couple, it is equally powerful for the parents. It makes no difference if your son or daughter left home years ago, the fact remains that getting married solidifies a break from their family of origin as they begin to shift allegiances and begin a family of their own.
- Articles: For the Parents of the Bride and Groom