A Foundational Key for Breaking Free From Anxiety

“This is your body, your greatest gift, pregnant with wisdom you do not hear, grief you thought was forgotten, and joy you have never known.”

― Marion Woodman, Coming Home to Myself: Reflections for Nurturing a Woman’s Body and Soul

We’re a neck-up culture. We place a high premium on words and believe that our salvation comes from intellectual prowess. We talk and think and ruminate: talking our way out of problems, thinking our way through dilemmas, and fully believing that all of life’s answers are found in our heads. Some of this propensity toward talking comes from our extroverted culture (Americans have a particularly bad reputation worldwide for being blabber-mouths) but it also comes from a defense mechanism that begins early in life for many children: when the pain is too big, they travel away from their bodies, which is the locus of pain, and into their heads.

This … Click here to continue reading...

Am I Connected Enough to My Partner?

The connection question is one of the most common spikes that darts across the screen of my clients and readers’ consciousness when they’re struggling with relationship anxiety. Do we connect enough? Do we talk enough? What if I feel bored sometimes? Is there a meeting of the minds? Do we have enough chemistry? What is chemistry? What, oh what, is this elusive thing called connection that everyone keeps talking about and how do I know if we have enough of it?

In the throes of their relationship anxiety, they become tangled in the cobwebs of thought that want to analyze and mince apart the question of connection until it lays like a heap of shredded paper in their center of their mind. Alongside, “Do I love my partner enough?”, the connection question is a heavyweight in the world of the ego, that part of us that desperately attempts to find … Click here to continue reading...

Are you Stuck In Adolescent Love?

It seems that our culture is perpetually stuck in the stage of life called adolescence, and the corresponding mindset seems to be accelerating at an alarming rate. Like toddlerhood, adolescence is a developmental stage characterized by an all-consuming focus on me, which is certainly appropriate when you’re trying to figure out who you are. Adolescents, like toddlers, aren’t typically concerned with others, they believe that the world is their oyster, that they can have their cake and eat it, too, and their orientation is focused on getting instead of giving. 

That’s fine when you’re actually a toddler or a teenager. The problem arises when these attitudes and behaviors continue into adulthood, and it becomes especially limiting when this mindset overflows into love relationships. You know you’re stuck in adolescent love when your experiences of love are informed by the following beliefs:

1. Adolescent love often begins with an all-consuming experience … Click here to continue reading...

When You're Still Not Attracted To Your Partner

There are so many facets and layers to the issue of being attracted or not attracted to your partner. Taken at face value, our culture heaves a collective inhale of shock to hear that someone may not be attracted to their partner. In an image-addicted culture that places physical beauty on a pedestal of epic height, that reveres the “beautiful people” and generates billions of dollars attempting to convince us that we need to remain ageless and flawless (Wrinkles? Here’s Botox; Cellulite? Get to the gym!; Pale skin? Time to hit the tanning salon), it’s no surprise that the first question people ask when you meet someone new is, “Is he/she cute?” Consequently, when someone expresses lack of attraction the immediate solution is to leave.

There are so many problems with our cultural response to lack of attraction. I’ve written about some of them here, but inspired by a … Click here to continue reading...

A New Vision of Marriage

My work with clients seems to arrive in themes. This week’s theme was, “How do I know that we can sustain a long-term marriage when I have so few healthy role-models around me?” As I was falling asleep last night, I remembered a section of “The Conscious Bride” that had to be edited out for space reasons. Over the next couple of weeks, I’ll be posting excerpts from that unpublished chapter as an attempt to answer the crucially important question of what it means to be married today and how to move forward into marriage with faith and vision.

“Love is…a high inducement to the individual to ripen, to become something in himself, to become world, to become world for himself for another’s sake; it is a great exacting claim upon him, something that chooses him out and calls him to vast things.”
– Rainier Maria Rilke… Click here to continue reading...