fear of intimacy « Conscious Transitions

A Beautiful Cry

By Sheryl Paul, on January 11th, 2016

One of the most potent prescriptions for healing intrusive thoughts and anxiety from the root is to allow ourselves to live in whole-hearted, full-bodied expression. This means taking the lid off of our joy just as much as our pain, and learning to spiral out of head-realm and down into body-realm where the heart taps out its song to the rhythm of our emotional lives. And yet when so many people struggle with allowing themselves a daily or weekly cry – and bump up against the ceiling of their joy – it’s important to delve further into this essential realm of Self.

A cry signals our arrival into the world. When a baby is born, we await with bated breath for the first cry, and its sound is cause for rejoicing and relief. Sadly, tragically even, for some babies that may be the last time their cries are received with … Click here to continue reading...

Is There a Better Match for Me?

By Sheryl Paul, on September 27th, 2015

Alongside the thoughts, “Maybe I’m just trying to convince myself to stay”, “I don’t know if I love my partner enough”, and “Do we have a strong enough connection?“, the question of finding a “better match” is at the top of the relationship anxiety list of questions. The culture encourages the belief, of course, that there’s one person who is your perfect match, but the thought also plays directly into the mind of the anxious-sensitive-perfectionist psyche. After all, thinks the anxious-perfectionist mind who’s looking for a fail-proof person with whom to take the risk of committed relationship, if I’m going to marry or am already married, shouldn’t I wait for my perfect match? This thought can be particularly debilitating when you’re already married and you think, “Maybe if I had just waited a little longer…”

As always, there are many spokes to the wheel of an intrusive … Click here to continue reading...

The Wall of Unshed Tears

By Sheryl Paul, on January 12th, 2014

The wall around your heart is not made of bricks or concrete or glass; it’s made of unshed, hardened tears, water that began soft and fluid then gathered together like guards when they were not allowed release.

Our hearts are born soft. We’re born to love: to give and receive without reservation or inhibition. We’re born to allow a trusted few into the deepest regions of psyche, to the places where imaginations roam freely in the forests and wild spaces. We invite them in, and if they don’t receive us as we need to be received, if they hurt us or come too close or leave when we need them most, the heart shuts down just a little.

If it happens again, if the children make fun of us and the grownups fail to protect us and we learn anything other than the truth – that we’re magnificent, worthy, intelligent, … Click here to continue reading...

So Much Love

By Sheryl Paul, on April 15th, 2013

If I had said no instead of yes…

If I hadn’t given him a chance…

If I had listened to the lines of “We’re just good friends” and “He’ll be a great boyfriend… for someone else,” denying the undeniable draw I felt toward him…

If I had walked away from the first man who sounded home into every crevice of my soul…

…I wouldn’t be sitting here sandwiched between the two most precious boys I could ever imagine, a silver kitten making bread on the Berkshire blanket that warms us against the icy April wind, my solid husband painting down below as he keeps watch, his heart my home, the words so much love echoing through my mind.

I feel so blessed: this beautiful life sprouting like magic daffodils in the grass beneath each step; the gift of loving each other and all that has been birthed by our good, … Click here to continue reading...

Bye-Bye, Bachelor

By Sheryl Paul, on January 7th, 2013

When I was promoting my first book, The Conscious Bride, nearly twelve years ago, interviewers often asked, “What about men? Why don’t you talk about “The Conscious Groom”? At the time, my answer was that, while women are conditioned to view the wedding and all that surrounds it (proposal, engagement, honeymoon) as the pinnacle of unbridled bliss, men are culturally conditioned to understand that they will be losing something when they get married: namely, their identity as a bachelor. As such, they’re more prepared for the reality that getting married is a loss as well as a gain and so they don’t need a book called “The Conscious Groom” to validate that it’s normal to feel a mixed bag of emotions on the way to the altar.

Even the cultural idioms reflect this knowledge: “It’s the old ball ‘n chain, son!” and “You’re going to the gallows!” When men have … Click here to continue reading...