Note: You can watch a video version of this topic here.
If you were drowning in the churning waters of relationship anxiety and I held out a rope and said, “Grab hold! This rope will teach you how to lift yourself out of the currents of your suffering. It asks only one thing of you: the willingness to look square in the eye at your source of suffering…” would you take it?
Some of you would grab hold immediately (and already have). Others would think about it for a while, and eventually come around to grabbing the rope. And many others would know that the rope is there but be so terrified to take it because of one thing:
You’re afraid of what you’ll discover.
You’re afraid that if you take the rope – which, in this scenario, is my Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course – you’ll discover that your intrusive thoughts are true: that you really are gay or that your “truth” is that you have to leave your loving, available, well-matched partner.
This is the #1 reason why people don’t sign up for the course (and all of my courses). Yes, resistance and fear will throw every other roadblock in the way: I don’t have the time. It’s too expensive. I don’t really have relationship anxiety. But underneath those common lines lives the much deeper fear that by focusing on what you’re most afraid of, the fear itself will become a reality or you’ll discover that it’s “true.”
The irony of relationship anxiety is that embedded inside the perseverations that you’re with the “wrong” partner is the fear that you’ll have to leave. Why would you worry so much about leaving someone who you “know” is “wrong” for you? Because deep down, way beneath the fears, you know that your partner not only isn’t wrong for you but is very, very right for you. And by “right” I mean that you feel safe, you feel supported, you feel loved.
And you know, when you’re seeing through clear-eyes instead of fear-eyes, that this is someone with whom you can learn about love.
But fear tells you otherwise. And if you don’t understand how fear works, you’ll grab hold of those dangling vines, which quickly lead you down the rabbit hole of despair.
We know many things about fear.
We know that it is designed to try to keep you safe from the risk of loving, which includes the risk of being vulnerable and the risk of loss.
We know that fear distorts perception, as I wrote about here.
We know that fear can determine your thoughts and feelings, which means that just because you have a thought that doesn’t mean it’s true and just because you have a feeling that doesn’t mean you need to act on it.
We know that fear can feel very much like “gut” or “intuition”, and that when it comes to relationship anxiety, the million-dollar question is, “How do I know that this isn’t my gut telling me that I’m in the wrong relationship?”
We know that fear can sound very, very convincing, but that underneath every intrusive thought that your partner isn’t enough is the fear that you’re not enough.
We know that the more power you give fear, the bigger it gets.
This means that by giving into the fear that is telling you that if you take a course like this you’ll discover that your truth is you have to leave, you’re actually throwing logs onto that fear-fire. By avoiding the thing you’re most afraid of, that thing itself grows into a wildfire.
Conversely, we know that the strongest way to reduce fear’s power is to take action. Action diminishes fear. This means that just by signing up for a course on relationship anxiety you’re looking fear in the eye and saying, “I see you and hear you but I will not listen to you. I’m ready to fight for love.”
I know what it is to fight for love.
I know it because I walked through the fire of relationship anxiety decades ago when my husband and I first started dating, and I know it because I’ve walked alongside thousands of people as they’ve traversed their own fear-realms so that they could commit to real love.
And now, only once a year, I’m leading a live version of my signature Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course, so that I can walk alongside you. Over eight weeks, you’ll receive lifetime access to the entire course, a 2-month membership to the highly active and moderated course forum (and an option to stay longer), plus weekly emails from me to help guide you through the material, and four coaching calls where you’ll have a chance to ask questions and hear from others who are in the exact same anxiety boat.
There may be nothing more healing when it comes to anxiety than to hear from others in real-time who are struggling with your same struggles, for nothing normalizes the shame voice that says, “You’re the only one” faster than person-to-person contact. (Also, keep in mind that as most people can’t attend every live call for my courses, the calls are recorded and you’ll receive the same benefit by listening to the recording afterward.)
The self-paced version of this course is always available, but if you know that you struggle with discipline and learn more effectively in a real-time, guided format, this live version is for you. Over two months, we’ll delve into the material together (and there’s a lot of material; this course is dense, deep, and thorough), and I’ll be there with you every step of the way as you turn to face your biggest fears and slowly, gently, and effectively, find your way back to love.
If your #1 reason for not taking the course is the fear of what you’re discover, here’s the lifeline:
What you’ll discover is YOU:
Your gifts, your beautiful, sensitive heart that you had to seal over and shut down long ago to survive, and your gold. The magical paradox is that when you discover your own heart, you’ll also find your way back to your partner’s heart, for the more you embrace your essential goodness, the safer you will feel to let love in. This is one of many mindset shifts that the course teaches.
Help is here. You don’t have to suffer alone, and with effective tools, information, and support, you don’t have to suffer at all. A roadmap is waiting for you, and the guide is here. Take my hand, and let’s begin.
To learn more, read testimonials, and sign up, click here. The live version will start on February 26th, 2023, and I very much look forward to meeting you there.
Note: The four call times are as follows (subject to change). Keep in mind that only about 1/4 of the participants on the live rounds are able to attend the calls, and the recording will be available immediately afterward.
Call 1: March 2nd at 1:30pm ET
Call 2: March 14th at 2:30pm ET
Call 3: March 23rd at 4pm ET
Call 4: April 13th at 12:15pm ET