As much as you want to change and heal, as much as you long to feel more fullness, aliveness, calm, and well-being, as much as you deeply desire a way to navigate life with more ease and less attachment to control, there is another part of you that resists the actions necessary to step into the helm of your inner ship and steer it toward healing. Why? Because we have an ego, and the ego’s number one mission in life is to resist change and maintain the status quo. For the ego, change equals death – both death of a layer of its own self and a death of familiarity and constancy. So as much as you long to heal, there is possibly a bigger part of you that longs to remain in the misery of familiarity simply because it’s familiar.
As I wrote about last week, we can remember that we never know what goes on behind other’s closed doors but the real doorway that determines whether we’re imprisoned by our historical pain or able to step onto a different trajectory of healing is our capacity to peer inside our own closed doors. Any path you take that initiates a new cycle of healing – whether it’s therapy, meditation, or a course – will invite you to follow your symptoms of anxiety, lack of self-worth, and depression through the doorways that lead to psyche. And yet, as I’ve shared many times, one of the biggest reason why people don’t commit to a path of healing work is because they’re terrified to find out what lives behind their own closed doors. They’re terrified to feel their pain. They’re terrified to turn inward in case they discover a deep, dark truth that means they have to leave their relationship or change their life completely.
One of the most effective tactics to dislodge ego’s power is to name it clearly. When we name ego’s lines and replace them with the truth, its power diminishes, and that slight weakening may be enough to step into the gap and make a different choice. The incredible irony is that quite often with fear, the truth is the diametric opposite of what ego is telling us! It’s literally the EXACT opposite, which makes it fairly easy to dismantle its lies. Here we go:
Fear says, “If you grow, you’ll lose your partner.” The truth is that if you grow, you’ll open more fully to love, which allows you to connect more deeply with your partner.
Fear says, “If you heal, you’ll realize that everything about your life is wrong and you’ll have to change it.” The truth is that when you heal, you learn to connect more deeply to gratitude, which allows you to accept and love the life you’re living.
Fear says, “If you connect to yourself, you’ll realize how disconnected you are from your partner.” The truth is that connecting to yourself is one of the primary keys that allows you to infuse connectivity into all of your relationships.
Fear says, “If I turn inward I’ll discover a horrible, dark secret about myself.” The truth is that when you turn inward you discover the hidden beauty of who you are in your essence.
Here is the lifeline I can offer: When you turn inward and learn to address your resistance and feel your feelings, what you discover is YOU: beautiful, awake, loving, empathic, kind, conscientious you. The you that has been buried beneath your anxiety. The you that has been waiting to be picked up and held. The you that is as beautiful as wildflowers, as pure as light, as golden as sunshine, as poetic as moonlight. When you peel back the resistance and soften the fear-walls, you come closer to yourself, which only makes you closer to everyone around you, including life itself.
If there is some part of you that is reaching out from the depths of your pain, I am reaching back. As I’ve shared in many recent posts, we’re not meant to heal alone, and when you know that there’s a group of loving and compassionate people who are on the ride with you, it’s so much easier to commit to the actions necessary for growth. As one member of my small phone groups that focus on relationship anxiety shared, “The reason I’ve been able to take this next step toward healing is because I know that the group is here every week. Even if I don’t share, I know that if I dip into scary territory, I’m being held in the safety net of the group. Without that knowledge, it wouldn’t have felt safe to keep moving forward.”
The key word here is safety. We can only take the next steps into growth when we feel safe. Safety is the pillow that allows us open our hearts and feel the lifetime of denied and forgotten pain. Safety is the anchor that allows us to step onto the little boat that will carry us into the sea of our unconscious where our wisdom and guidance live. Safety is what allows us to step through the small crack that divides ego’s resistance and the deeper desire to step onto a path of growth.
My new course, Break Free From Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living, is this safety net and the roadmap that will guide you into your next layer of growth. It doesn’t matter where you are on the labyrinth – at the beginning stages or years into your healing work – if you’re longing for more daily guidance, weekly support, and monthly wisdom to walk you through a deepening of your healing, I invite you to join us on this exciting and courageous journey.
I’m also excited to share that I’ll be offering my fourth free webinar on Monday September 16th at 6:15pm on the topic of breaking free from anxiety and my new course. As always, there will be ample time to ask questions and connect directly with me. If you’re on the fence about this course, this is a great place for you to hear more about it, learn more about me, and ask questions. You can sign up here.