Life can be uncomfortable.
Life can feel incomplete.
Life includes loneliness.
Life can be messy.
Life is often paradoxical.
Life is uncertain.
Life is imperfect.
Life is mysterious.
Life is beautiful.
The Experience of Being Human
Life and the experience of being human is fundamentally a messy, mysterious endeavor that includes imperfection, brokenness, pain, and indescribable amounts of beauty and love.
If we fall under the illusion that life is supposed to be something other than it is, we easily tumble down a chute of self-blame and shame with voices echoing off the sides that sound like, “What’s wrong with you? Everyone else seems to have it all together; why can’t you get it together?”
Nobody has it all together. Everybody struggles with something. Everyone experiences loss and pain. It’s the nature of being human.
When we learn to accept these fundamental truths, we more readily allow space for all variations of imperfection, including discomfort, loneliness, and incompleteness.
We learn to accept, slowly and over time, that even in the best of relationships and friendships and parenting circumstances, there will be discomfort, pain, and loneliness.
Much of our attempts to answer unanswerable questions, which is part of the definition of intrusive thoughts, is an attempt to lift ourselves above this discomfort, including the fact that there are no certain answers or guarantees. Oh, how the fear-based mind loathes this truth!
But when we drop into accepting that no matter which direction you go in and no matter what choices you make there will be fear, grief, loneliness AND joy, celebration, beauty, the mind settles down, we soften into the place of the heart, and life becomes a bit easier.
Forgetting and Remembering
It’s so easy to forget these truths about life. I forget them frequently, which is why reading even a short piece about life’s truths can help us return to what the soul knows and help us accept life on life’s terms. We can vacillate between amnesia and returning, forgetting and remembering in the course of a week, a day, or even an hour. But when we remember, we exhale with the sweet validation that we’re not broken and we’re not doing anything wrong.
Turning to our teachers is one of the best ways to remember ourselves back to self-compassion. Last night I was re-reading Anne Lamott’s book Help, Thanks, Wow: The Three Essential Prayers, and I came across this passage:
“Life is much bigger than we give it credit for, and much of the time it’s harder than we would like. It’s a package deal, though. Sometimes our mouths sag open with exhaustion, and that saggy opening is what we needed all along. Any opening leads to the chance of flow, which sometimes is the best we can hope for, and a minor miracle at that, open and fascinated, instead of tense and scared and shut down.”
Can you feel the exhale reading those words?
What brings you exhale and returns you, even microscopically, to the flow of life?
Thank you for this reminder today Sheryl! I have been struggling with this with my wakeful two year old,
I understand completely!
This is exactly what I have been thinking about these last few days. That life is life and we cannot stop life from being what it is.
I can’t keep tensing against life if I want to feel alive.
It’s a little scary to be coming to this realisation, but I also sense a subtle softening. A sort of sad sweetness.
Beautifully expressed, Erica. Thank you.
Thank you for this beautiful content, Sheryl, and for the perfect timing, as always. <3
Lately, amid various turbulences and life itself, intrusive thoughts have been trying to pull me away — to distract me from facing the emotions that were quietly asking for attention and compassion. If it weren’t for you and the teachings I’ve woven into my life, learning how to offer myself what I need in difficult moments, I would have once again been pulled into the depths of obsessions and unhealthy patterns and rituals.
Perhaps the most important lesson I’ve learned through all these years is that, no matter the outside world, our relationships, or the unfair moments we encounter, we are the ones who can steady ourselves, ground our own being, and offer ourselves the embrace we need. <3
Marija, I really enjoyed reading your comments. I too have been struggling deeply with intrusive thoughts and how to try and accept life as it is right now. May I ask, do you have daily rituals? And which ones really seem to keep you steady?
Many thanks.
Thank you for this beautiful comment, Marija. I’m so glad you’ve been able to see the intrusive thoughts as messengers so you can tenderly be with the underlying emotions.
Thank you for this reminder Sheryl of life’s ups and downs. Beautifully put. I’ll definitely share this with others in my life
❤️🙏🏽
What brings me back in flow and helps me exhale is when I remember to stop doing. And often I forget this as it can sometimes seem counter intuitive. It’s in the spaces in between that I can remember, and feel myself again.
Beautiful, Simone. Yes.