Partner Has Relationship Anxiety Course
Is your partner struggling with relationship anxiety?
Are you wondering how to best support her/him and wondering how to handle your own feelings about it?
Are you feeling lonely, shut out, hurt, and confused by your partner’s distance?
Supporting an anxious partner is a challenging situation, and this short course (excerpted from the full premarital course) will guide you with compassion and wisdom so that the two of you have the best chance of continuing to create a loving partnership.
Please note that the information contained in this course is geared toward engaged men.
When You Sign Up For The Program, You Will Receive:
– A PDF to help you understand what is happening with your partner, especially if they’re in the wedding transition
– A video that explains the roots of your partner’s relationship anxiety
– An interview with a psychotherapist called “What to Do When Your Partner is Anxious”
– An interview with a man on his partner’s newlywed depression
– Lifetime access to all of the material
Wonderful blog! It has helped me out so much! Just curious, I’ve suffered from relationship anxiety for about 5 months and then after spending some time with some relatives for a week (changing my scenery basically) I found that it has pretty much gone away. I’m kinda anxious as to WHY it’s gone now (who woulda though that would happen lol) and now I feel so comfortable around my partner, just not the excessive need to show love to reassure myself. Is this normal?
My name is Jay, I identify as queer, I am in the midst of working through Sheryl’s relationship anxiety course to help me unpack some of my inner projections and anxieties, and I work as a therapist (not specializing in relationship anxiety, and not posting to solicit clients, but to speak to you as a person and not just a username).
I always hesitate to use the word “normal”, but I think what you are experiencing is commonly shared amongst so many people. I think that in relationships times of separateness can help us deal with subconscious feelings about enmeshment, and also give both partners time to reconnect with themselves or other important people. Sometimes it can be really nice to have a chance to miss your partner for a bit! I sometimes think about a long term relationship as a dance between closeness and separateness. The closeness aids security but can sometimes dwindle the eroticism and romance (for me), while the separateness creates a bit of mystery in my relationship that then sparks my desire to connect with my partner.
Every now and again my partner goes away on a solo camping trip for about 5 days. Every time he comes back, our communication is better, our sex is better, and in general my relationship anxiety has left the building. I attribute this in part to us both having the opportunity to connect more with ourselves separately from one another, and further allowing us to really feel that separateness in identity that I think many people can struggle with when they share a home and friend group with their partner. That brief period of separateness also gives us the opportunity to come back together and share really interesting stories about our experiences with one another, that are completely separate from day-to-day tasks and stresses that can often cast on a shadow on our relationship influencing us to experience it as boring.
I for one think that planning small periods of separateness can be just as necessary as planning romantic dates or trips together.
Are there any ways that the anxious partner (me)can support the non-anxious partner? My girlfriend has been nothing but supportive but I feel terrible for stressing her out. I’d love to be able to support her if at all possible.
That’s a very loving questions, Graceling. I suggest that you limit how much of your anxiety you share with her, as it can become overwhelming for the partner. Also ask her what she needs in order to feel more supported.
Hi, I relate to this now on the flip side. I discovered your website right after I got engaged. I literally had anxiety minutes after the ring went on my finger and was terrified, confused and felt so alone and so responsible for hurting him, his kids, looking dumb because it didn’t feel right.
I searched on the internet for other people feeling this way and found SHERYL. OMG.
The wedding transition / engagement anxiety Lessons 1-7 saved me. Literally saved me. I’m 3 months away from a City Hall wedding and my fiancé dropped a bomb that he’s been secretly anxious and wants to postpone the wedding. My heart sunk.
I see after doing my work he’s projecting on to me. Saying things that I’m not as spontaneous in the way he is. That soon he’ll be an empty nester, then he will be in a sense “trapped” with me and my kids. That he isn’t sure this is the life he wants.
I listened patiently, then asked him to do the Lessons I did. I asked for no contact until he’s through Lesson 5. I don’t know if he’ll do it but I tried to share my experience.
I shared if I had not done this work we would’ve been doomed. So today I’m anxious about which way he’s going to choose. Growth and love or fight or flight running away.
I don’t know how to support him either other than giving him space to do his own work. I’ve been making a list in my phone of all the reasons I love him. I hope God’s will is he chooses to do the hard internal work versus an external solution.
I don’t think I will stick it out if he postpones.
Sending prayers that he does the work. Also, the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course may be a better fit for him (it sounds like you have the Conscious Weddings Course). If you want to give him the best chance possible that he’ll hear the message, I strongly suggest the other course ($50 discount since you already have the first one).
Ok that is helpful, when we connect I’ll mention it. Thank you Sheryl, you are a lifesaver.
I feel very much like Graceling. Is there something I can read about that nagging feeling that something is wrong in the relationship? Please help. I am open to anything. I really love my partner and want to be with him. I always feel like something isn’t right. HELP!
What about when both partners are experiencing relationship anxiety? Is this a situation that can ever work??
Any situation can work as long as there are no red flags and both people are willing to do their inner work.
Hello Sheryl. Ive followed your work for so long, it really has transformed my way of thinking and being, so thank you. I first encountered your work when I myself struggled with anxiety around my partner. I pushed through it, and it was wonderful.. However, I’ve been experiencing it again recently, and to make things harder, so too has my partner. We both feel so stuck In our jobs/ current lives, but we’re not quite sure how to move forward. We don’t know what it is we want to do with our lives, and are both so fearful and indecisive, its paralysing us. We’re each projecting it onto the other person – this sense of being unhappy with the present but unsure how to change. I can feel myself beginning to panic and, in a bid to find some sort of certainty to cling onto, i seek out his reassurance that he one day wants to get married and have children. He can commit to neither, saying he has so much fear that we will fail, and that at times he doesn’t think we’ll make it. He said at times we just didnt click, but other times we did. He said all of this this evening, and I feel totally floored and heartbroken. On the one hand, I understand his fear, his doubt. But its so painful to hear, more so because it echo’s my own. I’m so scared that now i know that he feels this way, it will eat away at me, and I’ll spiral into anxiety, panic, clingy etc. And make matters worse. I’d be so grateful for any advise. I love this man. We’re not perfect, but I’ve come to see that that’s okay. I’m so scared that he’s now thinking that we’re not, and that we’ll collapse. So grateful for any help. Thanks
I too am having this problem with my significant other and he also just recently has said very similar things that have brought back the anxiety and fear. And now that I know he feels this way I feel panic and anxiety and clingy to him and that my significant other doesn’t want to be with me even though he has said that he wants to work on things together. Any advice or advice on a course(s) that could potentially help is greatly appreciated.
This is the course for you, and I would highly recommend the Break Free course for your partner:
I’ve been dating my girlfriend who suffers anxiety for four years and it has been a soul destroying experience. I love her dearly and try to be as supportive as possible but get no reassurance myself. I feel like a huge cloud of doubt just remains hanging over me and that I’m never good enough. I want to leave the relationship but not satisfied we’ve done everything possible. She keeps wanting to pray to God for an answer (we are both religious) but I keep reminding her it is up to her to seek professional help and do what it takes to overcome the anxiety. No one can do that for her, not even God, but I will be happy to support her in this journey. I want to marry her, always have, but not with this doubt as it tears us apart.
It’s actually reassuring to know that you believe as long as there are no red flags, then anything is possible…
What resources do you have for men in my position? I know she can’t give me hope right now for a better future but I’ve run out of positivity…I used to be a very positive person until I met her, but nothing has prepared me to deal with her anxiety and such negativity. It crept up on me like a frog in boiling water. How do I cope?
This course would be ideal for you, and if your girlfriend is open to the Break Free course it could be life-changing for both of you:
Is there more info on what topics are covered in this course? I wanted to suggest it to my partner, but want to make sure it would be helpful and not add more stress.
My partner has relationship anxiety, he has been taking your course for some time now and made some good improvements. I signed up as well to the course When Your Partner Has Relationship Anxiety to try and understand/support him through this. I wanted to point out that living with someone with relationship anxiety is the hardest thing I’ve ever done. There are days, where you are not sure if this is a type of life you want to live. My partner is unable to express love, show affection or stay connected when he is in an anxious state. He is unable to make big decisions ( getting married/buying a home) without having an anxiety attack. He would doubt our relationship, concentrate on my small flaws and make a big deal out of them. He would go to the darkest corners of his mind and destroy everything that we tried to build. Sheryl’s course definitely helped us understand what we were dealing with and I am glad that he found her website. Being with a partner who has relationship anxiety can be extremely destructive to the partner who does not suffer from anxiety. It is the biggest fight that you will ever fight, anxiety does not go away 100%, but if your partner is willing to put in the work and cast some light into the darkest corners of his/her soul, then don’t give up on them. However, don’t forget about you, get help from a therapist like Sheryl, get informed on relationship anxiety and take time to heal yourself.
Would you be open to explaining how you dealt with your partners RA? I’m currently struggling to help my partner, whilst at the same time realising I have RA myself.
I can already see that you are right about it being extremely hard and possible destructive, as this has really been hard for me even before my own RA kicked in. How did you cope with being with someone that doesn’t seem to want to be with you? And does it get better?
I’ve done your Trust Yourself (and extended) and the Break Free e-course, and was wondering if this course covers anything further that I need.
My partner had relationship anxiety and initially I was dealing with it as best I could. But recently, I’ve realised it brought up a lot of anxiety for myself and now I am (we both are) struggling with RA.
We are working through the BF e-course together and although the work is helping him, I’m now the one struggling and wanting to leave. I know this is the classic pursuer-distancer dynamic, but I was wondering if this course would help with aspects of this dynamic? Also, as per N’s comments before, is there any way to deal with being with someone who, to all extents and purposes, seems to not want to be with you?
It sounds like there’s a dynamic playing out between you and the best course of action would likely be a round of EFT-couples therapy. You can find a local practitioner here:
Hi Sheryl – thanks for all that you do!
I believe I suffer from relationship anxiety, however, instead of doubting the relationship, I worry that my PARTNER is doubting the relationship. For example; If a text goes unanswered for a long time I feel that he may not want to talk, or if we don’t see each other for a little bit I feel as though he may not want to see me. This isn’t in line with how you define relationship anxiety, but is this just another form?
I would love your thoughts on this as I’m interested in your course however not sure its the right fit as the doubts I have aren’t about whether I’m with the right person but rather if my partner feels that i’m the right person for them – it can be quite consuming and I really want to work on this because I love him dearly and know that I’m causing some stress 🙁 Thanks you!
That’s a different form of relationship anxiety. The Trust Yourself course would be more beneficial.
Your work has brought me to tears. Finally somewhere where I feel understood and seen. I have been suffering from relationship anxiety quite early on in my relationship. 3 months into dating we went on a holiday and it was the most amazing time, we connected and enjoyed every minute. Shortly after that we both experienced a trauma and I’ve not recovered. My feelings and thoughts are the lowest they’ve ever been. I am struggling to find my self and constantly asking my self if I love him enough and if I can live with this anxiety forever. What course would you recommend I do, and what inner work can is start now to be on my healing journey?
Hi Dani: I’m so glad you found your way here. I recommend starting therapy with a trauma-informed therapist and taking the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course.