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If you knew you were fully loved, if you knew that you were whole and worthy exactly as you are just for being intrinsically you, your anxiety would disappear.
If you could plug into a source of spiritual truth that allowed you to have direct access to the circuitry of love that continually and eternally darts around you, the one truly inexhaustible and sustainable energy source, your intrusive thoughts would disintegrate in the full waters of your inner well.
If, with one full-cycle breath of inhale and exhale, with one open-hearted plea to connect to the glory of the love that shimmers in each cell of every living creature on this planet, if you could allow the life force to enter through the soles of your feet as you walked barefoot in the dew-laden grass, each blade a haven of delight for the invisibles that dance on the edges, the joy shimmying up your calves and thighs and filling you with the beauty that awaits your invitation, your depression would sink like a puddle of ink into the belly of the earth and churn there in those wild fires to alchemize into another source.
If, every time fear gripped you in its choke-hold, circling around your chest and throat in its paralyzing vice, you opened your lips and prayed for help, even if no sound was released, even if your round-mouth scream was as silent as the painting but contained the desperate prayer of one who is tired of living in fear’s grip, the prayer would open the channels that carry love into your sacred places and it would overpower the fear.
Love is stronger than fear. Love is all there is. We long for the connection, the soul-to-soul, eyes and heart wide open, naked and vulnerable connection that says, “I see you. Do you see me?” This can happen with a friend, a tree, a rock, a sister, a cousin, a lover, a child, an animal. And yet, because we’ve been hurt, because we’re human and we remember the separation that occurred when the umbilical cord was cut, because we come from oneness and long to return there and yet remember the exquisite pain of our separateness and the unavoidable knowledge that everyone and everything we love on this painful glorious planet will die, we construct walls around our hearts to avoid the pain.
We open to the beauty but we can’t quite get close enough and we know the beauty will end; this field of white crystals and untouched snow swaths creating a vision of perfection that reminds us of another realm will melt. We lie down in it and paint it and attempt to transpose the beauty into words but we can never get quite close enough; the longing to reunite with our stolen places, to return home, is always there, and the only way through is to open to the pain that lives inside the beauty, the pain that death exists, that time passes, that we all change and grow and die and are reborn. Yes, we are reborn. We walk through the rivers of darkness to find ourselves on banks of light.
I don’t know how I know but I know. I know this is true. I know that if you knew you were fully loved – which you are – the anxiety would melt into the pool of your own loving. If you could allow the lies of not-enough to tumble down the mountainsides and splinter against the wide bold boulders of truth, the depression would wither. If you could melt into the sunflower of your heart and allow the bottled up pain to find release in the embrace of your own loving arms, the lifetime of pent-up tears tumbling from gut to throat to mouth and rolling out the irises of your eyes then down your cheeks like mercurial rain, the lies of intrusive thoughts that imprison you in your head and create a wedge between you and those you love would fly away.
You can know this. Somewhere inside, you already know this. You can choose to open to the truth of love that surrounds you like thousands of angels waiting to be invited inside. You can allow to live in the lies or embrace the truth. It will be painful at first for when you’ve lived a lifetime with a cast around your heart, to live without it feels scary. We cling to what’s comfortable and familiar, even when what’s comfortable and familiar is making us miserable. Who are you without that cast? Are you ready to find out? Perhaps today is the day. Perhaps this is the year. Perhaps the time is now to let yourself know through word and action that you are loved.