Do you struggle with doubt and anxiety that you’re not with the “right” partner – that you’re “settling” and there’s someone “better” for you out there?
Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough, that you’re not “in love”, or that something is “missing”?
If so, you’re in the right place. Thousands of people have taken my course and broken free from their relationship anxiety. The same is possible for you.
If you’re suffering from relationship anxiety (take the assessment tool below to find out for sure), whether single, dating, dating after divorce, engaged, or married, this is the best course of action you can take.
Based on nearly two decades of my work with clients and course members, this comprehensive course includes fourteen downloadable lessons of exclusive videos, MP3 interviews, articles, checklists, charts, and exercises that will help you transform your relationship anxiety into clarity and love.
“Sheryl’s work was indispensable in helping me soothe and address my fears and anxieties. Without her guidance, wisdom and assurances, my overwhelm may have clouded what turned out to be one of the calmest and most incredible days of my life.”
∼ Alanis Morissette
Watch and read more below…
Do you think you have an extreme case of relationship anxiety?
Do you feel alone with your experience, like no one understands?
You are far from alone and I assure you that you’re not an extreme case. But you don’t have to take my word for it. When you purchase the E-Course, you gain access to ten exclusive, one-hour MP3 interviews with women and men all around the world who have thought and felt everything you're feeling and thinking. You will also gain access to a private, moderated, extremely active forum, where you can connect with women and men who are struggling with your EXACT issues, and you’ll be privy to the wisdom of those who made it through and are offering their advice to those in the eye of the anxiety storm (as of September 2015 there are over 75,000 posts on the forum. You are NOT alone!).
“The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey, but what I have learned is that it's not my partner. It's not anyone else. It's an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention.
"I would encourage every person struggling with relationship anxiety to work through the e-course. I feel like it was such an eye-opening experience that everyone and anyone can benefit from. I learned so much about myself and I can truly say that I learned how to really fall in love with my partner. Not a "fireworks and butterflies" type of love, but a real, safe, healthy love. I didn't even know what real love was until I started on this journey; I had a very skewed belief in a fairy tale. I didn't even realize that until the anxiety hit me and I found Sheryl's work. I am 100% certain that anyone who is experiencing anxiety about their relationship will benefit from Sheryl's work. It has definitely changed my life and, if you are ready and willing, it can change your life for the better, too!"
- Jessie, Phoenix, AZ, October 2011
Many people wonder what "relationship anxiety" is and if they are, indeed, suffering from it. They also desperately want an answer to the million-dollar question:
Is my doubt about my relationship an offshoot of my own anxiety or is it a warning that I’m with the wrong person?
To answer this question I've created a FREE assessment tool that will help you identify what you're going through and help you determine whether or not this the course would be beneficial for you. Fill in your information below to receive an immediate answer (and a lot of reassurance just from completing the assessment):
“When I was going through all my anxiety, I couldn't sleep or eat, and I would just search the internet for answers all night long. When I finally found your site, I was in tears after seeing other people were going through this and I was not alone. That message board was my lifeline for months.
I truly can't thank you enough for making me work through all the thoughts that were going through my head. I really married such a wonderful person :). We are expecting our first child in July (2011), so new adventure here we come!"
- Anna Minzel, Seattle, WA, 2011
One of the ways we heal is through stories, and learning that we're not alone. Along these lines, when you sign up for the course you will receive ten MP3 interviews with women and who were in the depths of relationship anxiety, suffering from the range of doubt from day one to a two-year honeymoon that ended overnight. In other words, some never experienced infatuation and lived with years of doubt before they found their way to my work; others were blissfully happy for months or even years until the anxiety and panic blew apart their world overnight. They come from all parts of the world, and are in all configurations of relationships, for relationship anxiety is the great equalizer and crosses all boundaries. It can effect you no matter how old you are, where you live, your religious background, or your sexual orientation. These courageous women and men share their struggle in detail and let you know that you’re not alone, crazy, or an extreme case.
"You must receive hundreds of emails a day, so I'm sorry for filling your inbox, but I felt moved to send you a personal thank-you. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you and your e-course have been a gift from heaven for me.
"It has only been a week and a half since I found your course online and poured through everything, but honestly my thoughts and perspectives prior to going through the course seem decades in the past. I'm going back through the course again to do some of the exercises which, of course, are making me rehash the thoughts that brought me here in the first place, but I'm actually having trouble connecting with those thoughts now. They don't even make sense to me today.
"From listening to other stories, I'm sure it's just wishful thinking to imagine that I'm out of it now, so I know to prepare mentally for the thoughts and anxiety to come back, but I will be ready for it and until then I will remain hopeful that I'm out of the darkness.
"This last weekend with my boyfriend was nothing short of magical. This is the man I've been with for close to five years, but it was as if I was seeing him with new eyes. His jokes seemed funnier, his face seemed more handsome. It's like the anxiety has been a cloud blocking my ability to love him and I'm just now learning how to truly appreciate our connection. How to be content and happy with what is right in front of me.
"And as an added bonus of no anxiety for the last week and a half, I've slept like a baby every night. It feels so good to be well rested. From the bottom of my heart: thank you, Sheryl!"
- Sara, Denver, CO, April 2013
Sara's full, one-hour interview can be found in the e-course.
What you will receive:
- 14 lessons divided into four sections
- 24 exclusive videos that teach the key principles and practices to help you break free from relationship anxiety.
- 10 exclusive, one-hour podcasts with women and men from all over the worldwide who tell their honest stories of how they broke free from relationship anxiety and found their way through.
- Hundreds of pages of articles to elucidate the various components of this work.
- Specific and essential exercises to help you heal from anxiety and find your clarity.
- Access to a private, moderated, extremely active forum where you will have an opportunity to interact with members worldwide who are struggling or have struggled with every aspect of relationship anxiety. As of October 2015, there are 75,000 posts. You are not alone!
- 6 MP3 visualizations and poetry to guide you through the process of healing.
"Engaging is Sheryl's work has changed my life in ways I didn't imagine possible. What's been the best 'result' is that I feel more me, and my relationship feels more real. I'm less caught up in the mainstream culture of 'do more, be more have more', and my life and relationship are a reflection of the hard work I've done and the guidance Sheryl has provided. For so long I thought I was an exception, that my anxiety was different than the others going through the work.
"What I learned is that I'm not different. I've learned so much about myself, about my relationship, that I wouldn't trade my experience for anything. The work is about coming into contact with all that lives inside you, learning to embrace all the parts of yourself lovingly so you can share that love with others. If you're in a loving relationship with someone you generally enjoy and with whom you share generally similar values, yet are plagued by anxiety please consider her courses. Having a real love relationship, one in which there are ebbs and flows, hardship and ease, is so much better than bouncing around waiting for the perfect someone to make your every waking moment a joyful one. Won't happen. It's so possible to work through this anxiety and to dip your toes in the waters of real love, and it's so worth the work to get there."
- Sarah Love, Ann Arbor, MI. Sarah's full, one-hour interview is in the e-course, and she's a lead moderator on the e-course forum.
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What if it doesn’t work? What if I go through the E-Course and I’m still anxious?
The E-Course isn’t a magic pill that takes away your anxiety just by reading the material and watching the videos (I wish I had that magic pill!). You have to work through the exercises and give your fear time to work through. The E-Course will provide you with accurate information to replace your unrealistic expectations. It will provide you with tools and exercises for working with your anxiety, doubt, and intrusive thoughts. It will provide you with comfort from reading about and hearing other women’s and men's stories that are just like yours. But the real work has to come from you and your commitment to taking full responsibility for your well-being. And there are two elements that I can't include in the Course: time and patience. There are six factors in the equation that results in serenity:
accurate information + effective tools for managing anxiety + support + validation through other's stories and posts + time + patience = serenity
The E-Course offers the first four factors, but there's no way to package TIME and PATIENCE. However, I will say this: Every single person who has worked with me in some capacity (read my books, frequented the message board, worked through the e-course, and/or had counseling sessions) and has found the patience to give themselves enough time, has found their serenity. Across the board without exception. With the E-Course and time, you will find your serenity, too.
2. What if I work through the E-Course and discover that I want to leave?
This is actually the number one reason why people don't sign up for the course: They're terrified that they will discover that their "truth" is that they want to leave. I will tell you this: Of the thousands of people who have gone through the e-course, not a single one has left their partner (unless there are true red-flag issues, which you will learn about in the course as well). What ends up happening is quite the opposite: When you work through your fear walls and see your partner with clear eyes, you are more available to love and be loved. When fear shrinks, love grows. It's quite a simple equation.
"This course was a true blessing. It helped me to open a new chapter in my journey, and the world I'm seeing is much more beautiful than I ever realized. I know the insights I started to gain through this process will serve me for a lifetime, and they have already started to influence my thinking and experiences about many areas of my life (job, other relationships, motherhood, etc). With the deepest appreciation, thank you, Sheryl, for helping me to see all of that!"
- Caitlin, Vermont, May 2013
3. What if I’m a guy?
The E-Course applies equally to men. When I started working in the field of psychology in 1999, my work centered around women and the wedding transition. Since then it has evolved to include anyone who suffers from relationship anxiety at any stage of relationship (from single through married). This, of course, includes men, like A.G. from North of England (whose full, extraodinary interview is included in the course):
“Two months before my wedding I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn't have any love for her. 'She's not the one', I thought. I couldn't believe what I'd done. How could I have been so stupid to let things get so out of hand so quickly? There was nothing else for it. Imminent though the wedding was, I couldn't go through with it. I went home to break the news to her. I said that for some reason, I was having to let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn't know why. As I spoke those words, I knew that to end it was not what I really wanted. Within half an hour, we'd patched things up to the extent that we were re-engaged but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I still felt as though I didn't love her, but I couldn't find any real reason why.
I spent a huge amount of time searching the internet for advice on cold feet and general wedding anxiety, none of which was helpful. 'Doubt means don't', they all yelled at me. Two weeks before the wedding I found the Conscious Transitions website. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mind. I learned so much about myself. About how my perceptions and expectations of marriage had been shaped by the media in the form of romantic comedies and how if your stomach doesn't do somersaults every time they walk into a room, it means you don't love that person. I realised, although it seems obvious now, that if that's the way it is, then there isn't anyone who has been with the same person for more than two years who can claim to be in love.
It's taken a long time, but I can say without any shadow of a doubt that I love my wife and I love being married. If you're reading this now after searching the internet for reassurance then, as cliche as it may sound, I know how you're feeling. Trust me. Do the work on this e-course and you'll be more than fine. You'll find your way to a kind of love that you didn't know existed.
- A.G, North of England (his one-hour MP3 interview appears in the course)
4. My anxiety hit during my engagement. Will this course help?
The first version of this course was called the Conscious Weddings E-Course, and thousands of people have taken it and worked through their anxiety successfully. While this course still exists and is a wonderful resource for those in the wedding transition process, the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety E-Course addresses all of the material in the first course, plus so much more. Many people begin with the Conscious Weddings E-Course and then continue their work with this course.
“I met the man of my dreams after a few failed relationships and many heartaches. There was so many times I had to pinch myself as the guy who swept me off my feet seemed too good to be true. He is handsome, funny, smart, loyal, and genuine and every other amazing word you can think of. I couldn’t believe it when after Chris proposed to me I fell into a pit of depression and serious anxiety. It was debilitating and for a few weeks I was an emotional mess; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried and constantly felt sick. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I felt when Chris was everything I wanted and more and I wanted to get married for a while. The only explanation I could come up with for my feelings were ‘maybe I’m feeling this way because he isn’t the right one’ or ‘maybe I don’t love him enough’ ‘maybe we aren’t meant to be’. These thoughts tormented me for quite some time and I tried to push them away. Sometimes when I ignored them I would feel better for a little while but then they would creep back to me and drop me in a pit of depression all over again.
"We set our wedding day for 28th April 2012 so I had 2 years to get my feelings in order. I decided to take action: I started seeing a therapist to deal with the actual physical anxiety and I started researching online. A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Sheryl Paul's work and the first blog I read I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone and also there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings. I signed up for the e-course almost immediately and got straight on with the lessons. I read and read and read. I spoke to my fiancé about it and I showed him some of Sheryl’s videos so he could really understand how I was feeling (even though he was so supportive anyway despite being slightly confused at times), I frequented the forums and read as much as I could. I come from a family and past of much anxiety and stress and it was time for me to break the cycle.
"Marriage so far has been amazing; I have made such a great decision with such an amazing person. I would encourage anyone who has visited this website looking for help to do this e-course and join our community. There is so much help here and so many people who feel exactly the same as what you feel. We don’t all have the exact same story or history and we don’t all have the exact same thoughts but we all searched for the same things which lead us to this website and I guarantee you that this is the place to be. Hang in there, be strong and don’t give up.”
∼ Rosanne, Australia, 2013
5. What if I’m already married?
Relationship anxiety can hit at any time, at any stage of relationship. You can be married for several years and suddenly find yourself questioning whether or not you're with the "right" partner. Or perhaps the doubt was quietly there all along and then bursts into flame seemingly out of the blue. Whatever the specifics of your story, the e-course will help you make sense of your experience and work through your anxiety so that you don't have to walk away from a loving, stable relationship.
"I found the E-Course after I had been married for several months. When my doubt hit, my first thoughts were, 'I don't love him enough. I can't believe I led him on for 7 years (we had been together since our first year of college), I'm a horrible person.' What I didn't realize is that those thoughts were completely normal. I believed the thoughts because I had the thoughts so they must be the truth. This was NOT the case at all but I couldn't see it at the time. I was normally such a happy, loving person.
"What in the world was going on? I was now the girl that wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, didn't want to be around anyone or anything. I couldn't get out of bed, I sobbed many, many times a day. Where did this amazing person go? What was happening to my relationship? Was I going to run and break my husband's heart? I went into a deep, dark depression. I had never been depressed before in my life. Now, I was at the doctor getting medicine for anxiety. I was completely different from everyone else, this is horrible. This had to be wrong, this had to be a bad choice. Right?
"After I spoke with Sheryl and all of the people on the message board. I realized that this wasn't wrong. My reaction was completely normal. I used many tools that were provided for me through the e-course. I have now been married over a year and I get anxiety very rarely."
∼ Janelle, 27, Pennsylvania, 2011 (now married with two children)
6. What if I'm young? Everyone says I'm too young to commit to one person, so isn't this an anxiety a sign that I'm supposed to leave?
The culture says that you should "play the field" and that if you met in your teens or early 20s, you're too young to settle down. I hold a different view, as do hundreds of people who have gone through my course and decided to commit or have already committed to their loving partner. Furthermore, if you've stumbled upon this work early in your life, you will learn skills and embark on a healing process that will serve you for the rest of your life. You're one of the lucky ones, like Kiyomi shares below:
“I had been dating my partner for six years - since we were 17 and 15 years old - when I was struck with endless bouts of relationship anxiety that left me feeling numb and paralyzed.
"It was a miracle at that time that I stumbled upon Sheryl's work. I had felt hopeless and lost and her experience on relationship anxiety had left me without hesitation about purchasing her course. It was a deeper pull, a soft whisper that emphasized my need to learn about her work. Indeed, I was right. I can confidently say that her course, presence, and undeniable knowledge turned me from an obsessive and anxious partner into a grounded, anxious-free partner.
"This is a chance for you to become whole and free. It is a chance for you to peel off old stories, beliefs, and wounds that have been imprisoning you. It is a chance for you to finally give yourself to the love and freedom you have been waiting for your whole life.
"It has been two years since I found this course and I can confidently say that it is worth everything. I have been anxious-free for two years now and, looking back, I can't belief how much I have transformed, healed, and evolved. I am blessed every day to be choosing this wonderful man whom I have learned to love so deeply. I can confidently say that because of Sheryl and this course, instead of filled with relationship anxiety, I am now thrilled to spend the rest of my life with this man.
- Kiyomi LaFleur, Boulder, CO, September 2015 (Kiyomi is a frequent contributor to the e-course forum, proving wisdom and support to others who are in the trenches of relationship anxiety.)
7. I’m already in therapy. How is this different?
This course works beautifully in tandem with good therapy. However, as most therapists aren’t trained in the specifics of relationship anxiety, it's important to supplement your work in therapy with information and tools that can help you move through this niche area of anxiety. Many people send articles from my site to their therapists, which can supports the healing process tremendously. Sadly, I’ve heard countless stories of people’s therapists who respond to the doubt and fear with the dreaded, “Well, maybe that means you shouldn’t be with your partner.” If that's the case, find a new therapist.
8. What if I'm in a new relationship?
As KD's story shows below, and as several of the interviewees in the course share, relationship anxiety can hit at any time, including in the first few months, weeks, or even days of a relationship. The culture says, "If you have doubt from day one then you're in the wrong place," but my work reveals a vastly differently story.
“I recall the day the e-course came into my life. It was December 6, 2011, and my mental inertia matched the temperature outside: I was frozen. Paralyzed by debilitating anxiety, I feared what this anxiety meant for my new relationship and even more terrified of making a mistake. 'Did I love him?' 'Why did I not find him attractive?' 'Am I just with him because he treats me so well?' Perplexed by whether or not to call it quits with my boyfriend of only a few months, I broke down and wrote an email cry for help to Sheryl asking what to do. Although she couldn't make the decision for me despite my urging, she did suggest the e-course. I hesitated at first, as my partner and I had only been seeing each other for a few months, and I didn't even know if I wanted to be in a relationship with him. While I enjoyed spending time with him - he's smart, generous, thoughtful, and loves me unconditionally - I was still so unsure. Sheryl appealed, noting:
'The nicer the guy, the more fear it will activate. It sounds like you have a great guy on your hands and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to address what's interfering with your ability to be fully present in the relationship. If not now, when?'
"The answer was now. I dived head first into the e-course and made a commitment to work through my anxiety without sacrificing my relationship. Each lesson touched on an anxiety pain point I was experiencing, from projection to real love to managing my anxiety in the moment. I found relief with each passing day. Interviews, message board wisdom, gratitude lists, and targeted exercises helped me to see that I was not alone in my thoughts; and not only that, but that I could be happy in my relationship. The forum allowed me to share my fears with like-minded men and women who were encountering similar experiences. In conjunction with a counselor, diet and exercise, prayer, and support of loving family and friends, the e-course kick-started positive changes that have reverberated in every aspect of my life. I cannot thank Sheryl enough for warming my cold feet on that December day and for guiding me along this incredible journey to wholeness."
- KD, New York (you can find her full story and many wisdom-filled posts from her on the e-course forum)
9. What are the fourteen lessons?
The fourteen lessons are divided into three sections:
Section One: The Foundation
Where I will explain in detail the root causes of relationship anxiety, discuss the anxious-sensitive-creative personality type (why is this so hard for me?), explain dark night of the soul, delve into the essential concept of projection, cover red-flag issues, resistance, and answer the million-dollar question (see assessment above).
Section Two: Break Free From Anxiety
Where I will teach you the essential tools and information that will help you break free from your anxiety. This section includes in-depth videos on topics that are exclusive to this course, like sexuality and the ex.
Section Three: Intrusive Thoughts
An in-depth course unto itself that will teach you how to heal from intrusive thoughts once and for all.
Section Four: The Stories
Where you will receive 10, one-hour podcasts with men and women all over the world in all configurations of relationship who share their struggle with relationship anxiety and how they broke free.
Bonus Lesson: Lesson 1 of the Conscious Weddings E-Course for anyone in the wedding transition (engaged or newlywed)
“Before I found the E-Course, I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course, I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of practice, I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage from working through the lessons, journaling, and the support of the forum when I knew that this had nothing to do with my partner but was fear trying to protect me from getting hurt by love.”
∼ Ashley B.
Ashley has her Master's Degree in Counseling Psychology and is a lead moderator of the e-course forum.
10. Do you talk about OCD, ROCD, and HOCD?
Yes. In fact, the entire course addresses what the mainstream culture refers to as ROCD. While I'm not a big fan of diagnoses as they imply that there's something "disordered" about you, my work addresses the root causes of these very painful yet common experiences. Section Three of the course - Break Free From Intrusive Thoughts - addresses the most common thoughts associated with "OCD", including "What if I'm gay?" and "What if I don't love my partner?" Most modalities teach you to work with the thoughts on a surface layer. Working this way may offer short-term relief, but it doesn't address them at the thoughts at the core, which requires pulling them out by the roots. This is what the course will teach you.
11. Is it really worth the expense?
The real question to ask yourself is this: What is the cost of NOT getting the help and support you need? What will happen to you - and your relationship - if you don't address your anxiety thoroughly and effectively? But to answer the question directly, the course is the synthesis of thousands of hours of my work with clients and course members since 1999, and it offers more information, guidance, support, and tangible tools than I could offer in twenty therapy session (and a single session with me is more than the cost of this course).
12. Is the course religiously affiliated?
The course is not religiously affiliated. However, people of all faiths have taken the course and benefitted enormously from it. In other words, it's inclusive both of those of faith and those who don't follow any particular religious or spiritual path.
13. What if I've already taken your Conscious Weddings E-Course? How is this course different?
Break Free From Relationship Anxiety basically begins where the Conscious Weddings E-Course leaves off. While about 10% of the material between the two courses overlaps, the vast majority is new information and tools that will help you take your work to the next and deeper layer that will allow you to break free. There’s also an entire section on intrusive thoughts, 24 new videos, and ten new MP3 interviews. I will be offering a $50 discount to anyone who has taken my Conscious Weddings E-Course. Please contact my assistant, Tina, at email@example.com to receive the coupon code (once the course is released in October).
14. Can I view the course on an iPad or iPhone? I don't have a computer.
Yes, the course is delivered digitally and is downloadable and viewable on all devices.
15. Is the course available in countries outside the United States?
Yes, as long as you can use Paypal you can purchase the course.
16. How long do I have access to the course?
You will receive lifetime access to all materials and the e-course forum.
17. I'm still uncertain. Do you offer any free consultations?
If you're uncertain about whether or not the E-Course is right for you, please fill out the assessment tool here first. If you're still unsure, you can contact me directly using the contact form at the bottom of this page and ask me any brief questions you have about the course. I also offer single coaching sessions, which you can learn more about by clicking here.
"Before I found this course I was unsure as to why I was questioning my relationship so much, and felt like I was trying to force it to work. I missed the earth-shattering feeling of being "in love", and I struggled with making decisions. When I found the course I had been with my boyfriend for seven years, and I was still uncertain and ambivalent.
"The e-course helped me to understand what real love is and begin to do the work to accept things as they are with all of the uncertainties. It also provided me with useful tools that I can use my entire life to manage my anxiety, which I have always suffered from. It taught me that thoughts are just that - thoughts - and that we can learn to choose how to respond to them.
"This is some of the hardest work you'll ever do, and also the most rewarding. If you are afraid or unsure about your relationship, I would encourage you to move forward with the course. You only have your clarity to gain."
- Liz, Santiago, Chile, 2010. Liz has now been married since 2013, and her brilliant post on working through the "Is my partner intellectual enough?" anxiety spike is included in the course. She and her husband met in their early 20s.
Your peace of mind is worth it!
Two ways to pay:
Please note: All registration and course material will be sent to the email address associated with Paypal.
One-time payment: Pay $249 now and receive $51 off the full price of $300. Click below.
Pay in two installments of $137 and receive $26 off the full price of $300. Click below.
Please note that there are no refunds.
If you have a question about the e-course, please submit it below in three brief sentences or less. Due to the volume of emails that Sheryl receives, she cannot read and respond to lengthy inquiries, but she's happy to answer a very specific question to help you determine if the course is right for you. If you write a long inquiry you will not receive a response. Before submitting your question, please be sure to read the Frequently Asked Questions section on this page to see if it's already been addressed.