Blog
There are Powerful Ways to Contribute During Dark Times
The news. World pain. The suffering of humans. Earth's pain. The descent into the darkest time of year. Darkness is everywhere. How do we stay afloat when the darkness edges in? There are many ways. We re-commit to our practices so that we make of ourselves an island...
Is Medication Helpful or Harmful? Here are my thoughts.
When I first started doing this work over twenty-five years ago, I had very strong views about medication. I had been raised to believe that medication was a "cop out", a belief that was reinforced by my studies in graduate school that, informed by a Jungian depth...
This is One of Our Most Powerful Tools for Inner Freedom
It's a familiar moment: I notice something that I would like to correct about someone close to me (husband, son). I feel the urge to say something; after all, if they could improve their lives in some way, shouldn't I grace them with my infinite wisdom? But, wait... a...
Why I Changed My Last Name
Many of you have asked me why I changed my last name. I thought I could slip it under the radar since Paul and Finn are both tiny, 4-letter names, but alas... my audience is more perceptive than that, so I will explain :). There are many reasons why, after more than...
The One Essential Question that Lives Inside Relationship Anxiety
September 2023 update: If there is one blog post I refer to more than any other when someone asks about relationship anxiety, it's this one. Why? Because at the core of relationship anxiety lives this one abiding question, and when we can address anxiety at the root,...
The #1 Quality to Look for in a Long-Term Relationship
Contrary to what our culture teaches, the most important quality to look for in a long-term partner is not... ...common interests, physical attraction, sense of humor, chemistry, level of education, or confidence. The #1 quality to look for in a partner is......
How to Find Hope and Wholeness in our Broken World
There is a lot of heartache in our world, and the smaller the world becomes, the more aware we are of the pain that exists in every corner. Of course, the news loves to report on this pain much more than it reports on the goodness that abounds, but the fact remains...
Growing Trust is a Key to Healing Anxiety and Worry
Underneath anxiety is a lack of safety. And underneath a lack of safety is a lack of trust. Said in reverse: When we trust, we feel safe. And when we feel safe, anxiety quiets down. But, oh, how challenging it can be to trust! Worry is a Buzzkill When Everest turned...
It’s Time to Heal the Pain that Didn’t Start with You
We’re living in an extraordinary time on our planet: a time of extraordinary groundlessness and also extraordinary possibility. In our 24/7 media culture designed to light up the amygdala’s fear response, it’s easy to only see the world’s tremulous pain right now, and...
Expectations, Emotions, and Very Big Days
In today's Gathering Gold episode, I offer some guidance to one of our Patrons, Olivia, who is worrying about being the center of attention on her wedding day and struggling with family expectations. One of the things I share is that when we grieve on the front end,...
Healing Shame is One of the Keys to Healing Anxiety
Years ago, I wrote a post called You Are Loved, which I then recorded and included in several of my courses (and on this page). The post begins: If you knew you were fully loved, if you knew that you were whole and worthy exactly as you are just for being...
How to Embrace the Grief and Joy in the Passage of Time
A theme has emerged these past two weeks in my groups, individual sessions, and of course, in my own life: the passage of time. With three weeks left until Everest leaves for college, the heartache and joy embedded in the passage of time is acute in our household. On...
Finally, Some Wisdom about Love From a Popular TV Series
As many of you know, if you're struggling with relationship anxiety one of my first and strongest pieces of advice is to go on a media diet. Why? Because most of our broken and toxic messages about love, sex, and marriage come from popular culture: Disney, Hollywood,...
How Middle School Years are Often a Root Cause of Anxiety
When I was eleven years old, I transitioned from the safe, inclusive, nurturing elementary school I had attended since I was four to a competitive, cliquey junior high and high school. This was a brutal transition for me, as it is for many young people, and, as a...
The 80% Rule about Relationships Has been Verified!
When I had Covid last year, I watched several episodes of Indian Matchmaking. I'm always interested in shows about relationships (for obvious reasons), and I'm especially interested in how non-American cultures approach romantic love. Arranged marriages hold a...
This is What Intrusive Thoughts are Protecting us From
I recently listened to one of the most extraordinary podcast interviews I've ever heard. I walked with her words in my ear and my heart blown wide open by the soul of someone I can only call a true mystic of our times: Andrea Gibson. There were so many parts that...
Here are 3 Tips to Help You Commit to Spiritual Practice
I define spiritual practice as anything that helps us feel connected to the whole, to a sense of belonging, to something bigger than ourselves. This could be a nature practice, a yoga practice, a poetry practice, a prayer practice, a meditation practice, working with...
Why a Loving Childhood Isn’t Enough to Prevent Anxiety
My clients are often bewildered about why they struggle with anxiety given how loving their original family was, and is. "I don't understand why I have anxiety when my parents were always there for me," they wonder. Of course, being "there" in practical ways -...
How I Emerged From a Recent Dark Night With Runes of Light
I've mentioned in a few places that I was plunged into a spiritual descent this past winter, initiated in a way I haven't experienced in a long time. The details of the experience ask to remain mostly private, but what I will share is that it was extraordinary:...
The Fear of Death is Another Core Element of Anxiety and OCD
As I wrote about recently, at the core of anxiety and OCD lives the fear of death: either literal death or social death (humiliation, being shunned, rejected, losing your place of belonging). If we're going to address anxiety at the root, we have to talk about the...