Blog
After 22 Years of Mothering, This is What I’ve Learned
Over the years many people have asked me if I was planning to write a book about parenting and my response was always: I will never write that book because nobody is an expert on your child. I maintain that stance today. And yet, while I don’t have answers, I do have...
Snakes without Skin: The Middle School Years
The following is a transcript of a segment of our recent Gathering Gold episode on The Middle School Years. Victoria and I highlight and expound upon many of the themes I wrote about in this blog post on the link between the middle school years and anxiety. ***...
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An Essential Quality for Healthy Relationships
One of the basic precepts of both psychological and spiritual work is that in order to experience healthy union we must first experience separation. Just as we had to be expelled from the mythic Garden of Eden to know ourselves as separate from the divine before...
This is What I Can Tell You About the Mother Wound
This is what I can tell you about the mother wound. I can tell you about mother-longing. I can tell you that we never stop longing for a mother to... ... feed us. ... take care of us. ... nurture us in just the right way: not too much and not too little. I can tell...
This is One of the Hallmarks of a Mother Wound
I define a mother wound as: A rupture of attunement where a mother, due to her own unmet needs, lack of fulfillment/sense of self, and/or narcissistic and judgmental tendencies is unable to meet the emotional needs of her child. The mother’s expectations and needs...
Here’s a New Layer of Relationship Anxiety to Discuss
One of the aspects of psychology I love most is that there are endless layers to explore about every topic. Because psychology is a relatively new field, there's still a lot we don't know. And because the mind and soul are as vast as the universe, there will always be...
“Eternity” Review – Finally Hollywood Tells the Truth about Love
Note: Proceed at your own risk if you don't want spoilers! Once a week my husband and I have a home date night where we watch a show or film, and our film-buff son is often our source of recommendations. While my husband will watch a wide range of media from horror to...
Let’s Tell the Truth about Doubt in Romantic Love
Note: The post was originally published in December 2015. Below is an updated version in March 2026. I'll never forget the day I was trying to find a parking spot at our local market and I saw this bumper sticker: Great Doubt Great Awakening Little Doubt Little...
How Do I Love my Husband? Let me count the ways
A few nights ago at dinner the topic of marriage came up. Our younger son, Asher, having witnessed many couples either struggling or divorced over his sixteen years, said, "Doesn't seem like there are a lot of happy marriages." My husband, Daev, and I looked at each...
Attending to Unfinished Business is the Work of a Lifetime
I'm thrilled to share this guest post by my husband, Daev Finn, a licensed professional counselor working here in Boulder, Colorado and worldwide, where he shares, with wisdom and vulnerability, a bit of his journey around processing unfinished business, specifically...
This is the Core Work of Breaking Free from Relationship Anxiety
In last week's blog post I explored the question of "What is 'Enough' in Romantic Love?" One reader commented: "The friendship conversation always triggers me. I can’t tell if I truly don’t like him, or if I’m seeing him through fear eyes. There are certainly things I...
Let’s Unpack What is “Enough” in Romantic Love?
At the core of relationship anxiety is the doubt about enough: • Is my partner attractive enough? • Am I in love enough? • Do we have enough intellectual stimulation? • Is there enough emotional connection? • Are they social enough? As I’ve stated in many blog posts,...
The Times I Find Most Interesting in Therapy
The most common form of therapy today is often referred to as "talk therapy." The client talks while the therapist listens then reflects and offers insights, tools, and guidance. There is, indeed, a lot of talking happening. While words are essential, I have found...
How the Magic of Safe Community Heals Body Shame
It's tragic to say, but I don't know anyone who hasn't struggled with some aspect of body shame at some point in their life. Whether it's trying to fit into the ever-shifting beauty standards for young people or grappling with the realities of aging, we live in a...
How to Untie the Link Between Relationship Anxiety, Sex Anxiety, and Shame
We talk about social anxiety. We talk about relationship anxiety. We talk about transition anxiety. Now it's time to talk about sex anxiety: not only how anxiety in general or relationship anxiety in particular kills libido but how much anxiety we carry about sex...
One of the Keys to Positively Change Your Sex Life
I want to share a little-known secret with you, one that you would never surmise if you derived the majority of your sex education from pop culture: There's more to sex than orgasms. Shocking, I know. This statement flies in the face of the hierarchal model of sex...
The Truth about Attraction in a Misguided Culture
Among the many skewed messages that our culture disseminates about romantic love, attraction ranks high on the list. Regarding romantic love, the culture tells us that we each have one soulmate and that we will “just know” when we meet that person (who is more like a...
Here We Go Through the Fiasco of the Holidays
It's no secret that amidst the jingle bells and glitter of this season, the holidays are a fiasco for many people, and as they approach there's an element of dread hanging in the air. It snakes through our days and rattles our nights, and if we don't give it proper...
This is Kryptonite for Highly Sensitive People
We come from oneness and we return to oneness. Our time in between is defined by separation. For highly sensitive people, this separation is our kryptonite - the thing that makes us feel most vulnerable in the world - and we often become aware of it very early on. We...
