Blog
There is a River of Light Inside Your Intrusive Thoughts
“The cave you fear to enter holds the treasure you seek.” ― Joseph Campbell We run from the bear chasing us in the dream. We run from the panic that rattles the doors of psyche. We run from the thoughts in our heads. But when we turn to face them, and can reach into...
This Simple Formula Can Free You From Perfectionism
How would you life be different if you weren't caught in the stronghold of your perfectionist and fear of failure? What would unfold if you weren't addicted to other people's opinions and approval, and buffeted around by their stories like a leaf in the wind? What...
How to Protect Your Inner World During Coronavirus
Transitions are ruptures, and through the fissure we're given an opportunity to see ourselves more clearly. We see both our gifts and our challenges. We see where we shine and where we struggle. We see where we go when anxiety is high and the ground beneath our feet...
This is What Anxiety, Fear, and Anger Protect Against
There is a healthy place for anxiety, fear and anger. Fear alerts us to real-and-present danger. Anxiety, when approached through the lens of compassion, is a wise messenger alerting us to needs and wounds that are asking for attention. And righteous anger, which I've...
Love in the Time of Corona
The title of Gabriel Garcia Marquez's book Love in the Time of Cholera keeps popping into my head. It's been years since I've read the book and it likely bears little resemblance to what is currently sweeping the globe, but nevertheless when a title embeds itself into...
A Calming Visualization in a Time of Fear and Uncertainty
There's a lot of fear and uncertainty coursing through our systems these days. For those of you who have been committed to inner work for a while, you've probably been relying on your well-practiced tools and are managing the current state of the world with a fair...
What to Do When Fear of the Pandemic Washes In
Even as the human world of working, doing, achieving, and traveling slows down, in the natural world the birds are still singing, the trees are still blooming, the water is still flowing, our cats are still purring and our dogs are still wagging their tails, the earth...
This Searing Pain Is An Overlooked Root Cause Of Anxiety
I had a dream last week that broke my heart. I was in a large lecture hall looking for a place to sit before the class started. The students were already grouped together, and every time I sat down, I was rejected: someone moved away from me, another group wouldn't...
What to Do When Your Partner Makes You Flinch
When I was a teenager, I wanted nothing more than to have a boyfriend. Like most teenagers, I was raised on a steady diet of romantic love informed by books like Sweet Valley High and movies like Sixteen Candles. Oh, how I longed for a boy who would walk through the...
What to Do When You Fall Out of Love
We've all been sold the same bill of goods: Real love is infatuation. Real love is a drug-like feeling that sweeps you off your feet. Real love is the elixir that lifts you out of the pain of life. When you're really in love, you'll just "know." Attraction should be...
Is There Hope if You’re Just a Bad Match?
I receive the below question so frequently that I decided it's time to address it clearly in a post. This version was left as a comment on my blog several months ago: Isn't there such a thing as a bad match between partners, even if neither of them has red flags? Even...
This Is the Fastest Way I Know to Shift From Darkness to Light
There are times when it feels like the walls of the world are caving in, when the windows of psyche slam shut with curtains drawn so tight that no light gets in. The darkness can enfold and leave in a moment, or it can remain for a while. It's during these times that...
Is Love a Risk? Absolutely. And There is no Greater Joy
Because loss exists, love is a risk. Whether it's a friend, a partner, a child, a family member, or a pet, when we love deeply we open ourselves to the risk of loss that accompanies love. When loving a child, you know that one day that child will leave, and that...
This is What it Takes to Become a Grown Up
There are junctures in a human life, transitional times when we're thrust over a cliff and asked to navigate the jagged rocks that jut up from the ravine below. Ideally, the culture itself would help us navigate these junctures: encircle a couple as they marry, hold...
How this Powerful Character Can Sabotage Personal Growth
When I was in my dark night of the soul in my twenties, when fear had me in its grip and manifested daily as a driving phobia, my therapist advised me to, "Do battle with fear. Show it who's boss! Yell at it! Tell it to let you go." As this therapist had helped me...