Blog
It Seems We Have Forgotten this One Essential Truth about Love
It seems we have forgotten one essential truth about love. We're told that love should only feel like love, which means good and pristine and holy and alive and erotic - and, most of all, certain. We're raised to believe that romantic love is the answer to life's...
A Journal Entry that Offers Guidance on How to Grieve
I've mentioned a couple of times that I experienced a horrible/wonderful descent and initiation this past winter. There were many layers to the process (which I documented through hundreds of pages of journaling and may share more fully at some point), but for now I...
Is There Hope if You’re Just a Bad Match?
I receive the question below so frequently that I decided it's time to address it clearly in a post. This version was left as a comment on my blog a while back: Isn't there such a thing as a bad match between partners, even if neither of them has red flags? Even if...
How to Keep Love Alive After the Butterflies Flutter Away
“Physical attraction is not a firm foundation on which to build a relationship, for the simple reason that it is never constant. It sets in motion a cycle of expectation and disillusionment that can go on and on. The person who lives in a world of fantasy will often...
Grieving Unlived Lives is One Pillar of Inner Freedom
Our culture sends us the message that we can and should have it all. It tells us that we should “follow our bliss” and have the perfect career, that we should live in the perfect house in the perfect location, have a fantastic group of friends like "Friends", and that...
Understanding Thoughts is One of the Keys to Breaking Free
A significant amount of anxiety would be reduced and would never manifest to begin with if we were taught about our thoughts early in life. Not only would we understand that we all have strange, dark, and wild thoughts, but we would understand that thoughts come in...
4 Extraordinary Relationship Anxiety Stories to Bring You Hope
Many of you have found your way to my work through the portal of relationship anxiety. From there, we've traveled into deeper realms together, including health anxiety, friendship anxiety, parenting anxiety, career anxiety, and generalized anxiety - but relationship...
Why This is One of the Most Brilliant Songs of All Time
I was playing a game of solitaire the other night and a memory from childhood floated up to consciousness, followed by a wave of grief. I paused the game and breathed deeply into my heart, allowing tears to arrive and roll down my cheeks. As always with big grief,...
The #1 Reason Why People are Scared of Inner Work
Note: You can watch a video version of this topic here. If you were drowning in the churning waters of relationship anxiety and I held out a rope and said, "Grab hold! This rope will teach you how to lift yourself out of the currents of your suffering. It asks only...
6 Common Micro-Transitions that Highly Sensitive People Struggle With
Note: I originally posted this on Instagram, and it struck a chord so I'm expanding upon the initial post here with further guidelines for how to work with this potentially challenging aspect of ourselves. Highly sensitive people often struggle with transitions,...
How the Superhero of Shame Rescues us From this Life-or-Death Matter
At the core of most, if not all, intrusive thoughts and obsessions is the question of enough. It can show up as: • Do I love my partner enough? or • Did I wash my hands enough? But what you're really trying to answer is: Am I enough? I love what Jon Hershfield said in...
Am I Just Convincing Myself That I Love My Partner?
Note: I first published this post in 2011 and it remains one of my most popular blog posts. I'm updating it now to include more relevant language and also concepts that have evolved in the last twelve years about relationship anxiety. *** One of the most common...
Why Kissing is One of Our Most Vulnerable Sexual Acts
The way Hollywood sells it, kissing should happen effortlessly. We should long to kiss our loving partner all the time, and we should be in instant ecstasy the minute the kiss begins. When our partner approaches for a kiss, we should tilt up our head like a young...
This is One of the Best Ways to Get Sexually Aroused
One of the most common statements I hear from women about their sexuality is, "I'm often stuck in my head during sex. Sometimes I'm planning the dinner menu or thinking about what we need from the grocery store. I have a hard time staying in my body." As the body is...
Why “Sex” and “Intimacy” are So Much More Than We Think
On the last round of Sacred Sexuality, we had a Zoom call that dropped us into a space of such tenderness and vulnerability that there were many tears coming from the Zoom squares. This happens sometimes, especially around the topic of sexuality. It's what happens...
The 3 Top Emotions Trapped Inside Every Intrusive Thought
Continuing from last week's post where I talked about the most important part of working with intrusive thoughts is to separate the content from the underneath layers that need attention, I wanted to give some direction about what the three most common emotions are...
This Might be the Most Important Aspect of Healing from Intrusive Thoughts
An intrusive or unwanted thought arrives... What if I don't love my partner enough? What if I'm a different sexual orientation than I thought I was? What if I'm trapped here forever? What if the world ends? What if I don't love my baby? What if I hurt a child? ... and...
During Dark Times, These are the Lights that can Guide us Through
There are different kinds of darkness. Sometimes we head out into darkness to go on a journey—there might be fear or nervousness, but also excitement and curiosity. What glittering stars might guide our way? What might we see once our eyes adjust? Then there is the...
There is Only One Way Through Fear, and I Had to Find it Last Week
Ever since our son, Everest, earned his private pilot's power-plane license a few months ago I've been wanting to fly with him. Maybe "wanting" isn't quite the right word; it's more like I've been wanting to want to fly with him because I wanted to support him and I...
Wise Women Know About Another Way to Live. Are You Ready to Listen?
What follows is the transcription of the first part of this week's Gathering Gold episode called "There is Another Way." To listen to the full episode, click here, or listen on Apple Podcasts or Spotify. As always, I value your comments and refections. *** I’m here on...