Conscious Weddings Course
Are you scared you’re making a mistake? Or that you’ve already made a mistake?
Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough – that he or she isn’t “the one”?
Did your anxiety start near the proposal, wedding, or in the first year of marriage?
The Conscious Weddings Course is the anti-anxiety medication for your soul.
If you’re suffering from engagement, wedding, or newlywed anxiety, the course will be an instant download of comfort, inspiration, and practical tools for managing your anxiety and returning to clarity and love. Through seven downloadable lessons of exclusive videos, MP3 interviews, articles, checklists, and exercises, this is the only e-course available to help you transform your relationship anxiety and marriage fear into serenity.
“That’s why “The Conscious Bride” is such an important book.”
“Without Sheryl’s guidance, wisdom and assurances, my overwhelm may have clouded what turned out to be one of the calmest and most incredible days of my life.”
“This course was the best thing that ever could have happened.”
Anne Harmon Solheim
Since 1999, I’ve been guiding people through the tricky terrain of getting married consciously, first through counseling clients and my bestselling book, The Conscious Bride, which led to several appearances on the Oprah Show (2002, 2003, 2004), then through my second book and the birth of my website, which has reached millions of people worldwide and helped thousands of people break through their engagement and newlywed relationship anxiety. In 2010, the Conscious Weddings E-Course was born.
Do you think you have an extreme case of engagement or relationship anxiety?
Do you feel alone with your experience, like no one understands?
You are far from alone and I assure you that you’re not an extreme case. But you don’t have to take my word for it. When you purchase the E-Course, you gain access to hundreds of pages of posts from the now-closed Conscious Weddings Message Board. Here you’ll read about women and men who were struggling with your EXACT issues, and you’ll be privy to the wisdom of those who made it through and are offering their advice to those in the eye of the anxiety storm.
And once you purchase the course, you will gain two-months access to the highly moderated, highly active, password-protected E-Course Forum (with an opportunity for ongoing access) where you can connect with other people worldwide who are struggling through relationship anxiety and receive support from very wise women and men who are now happily married, many of whom come back to the forum to offer lifelines to those still in the trenches. With over a hundred thousand posts on this forum, it’s clear that you are not alone!
"I’m sharing my story in an effort to inspire some hope for those of you still in the thick of things. Keep hanging on, friends; there is light on the other side of all of this. Going through this is so hard, but as we keep going down the path, we are gaining such wisdom, depth, understanding and love."
“I got married on July 23, 2011, so I am now a wife and newlywed… wow! Something I wasn’t quite sure I could pull off in the throes of anxiety! I have been with my husband for 5 years; we got engaged in February 2011, something I had been wanting for a year or so. Almost immediately I started to panic. Since I didn’t think that response was appropriate, I went into a tailspin from there. The first few months of engagement were so hard (no sleeping, no eating, sobbing, feeling alone, etc.) and then I found this course, which was the best thing that could have ever happened! It allowed me to feel my feelings, to address them directly, to hear stories to make me know I wasn’t alone and to start working on myself. I had the most amazing wedding day of my life… We have been married for almost 6 weeks and it’s been lovely.”
- To read Anne’s fully story, click on “Read Full Stories” at the end of this section.
Anne Harman Solheim, Chicago, IL
"The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the e-course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey but what I have learned is that it’s not my fiancé It’s not anyone else. It’s an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention."
“Dustin and I had been dating for almost a year when he proposed. I knew pretty early on that this guy was special. I actually did have that “you just know” feeling when we were dating. I wanted nothing more than to marry him and start a family. He had so many of the qualities that were important to me in a partner. He wasn’t perfect by any means, but what stood out to me was his willingness to work at our relationship, to compromise, to grow together. I practically begged him to propose. I remember when he told me that he had looked at rings. I was so excited. I cried tears of joy! That’s why it was so devastating when anxiety hit me.
“We were in Hawaii for a friend’s wedding when he proposed. I knew it was coming and instead of being ecstatic I was really irritable. I remember thinking, “Why am I so grouchy at him? He is going to propose to you!” When he did propose it really was perfect and so sweet and special. I felt so weird during the whole thing, though. It truly felt like I was watching a movie. I can’t describe it any other way than an out of body experience. I felt like I SHOULD be excited and happy but I was numb. I was so confused by this feeling.
“The next day I woke up and immediately started searching the internet for answers. I think I googled “proposal anxiety” and that is when I first found the Conscious Transitions website. I felt a little better but I was still so numb and confused. The rest of the trip was kind of rough. I had an anxiety attack in the shower; I had a huge breakdown and started sobbing while we were on the beach snorkeling. I felt so sick that I thought I might throw up. WHAT WAS HAPPENING TO ME? I kept thinking, “How could I go from wanting this so badly, to being this confused and anxious?”
“Then I purchased the e-course. I found such a strong support system on the forum. So many men and women felt exactly like I was feeling. We all had such similar stories. I was totally not alone and my feelings were NORMAL. It was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I had a lot of work to do but I was ready for it.
“The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the e-course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey but what I have learned is that it’s not my fiancé It’s not anyone else. It’s an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention.”
- To read Jessie’s fully story, click on “Read Full Stories” at the end of this section
Jessie, Phoenix, AZ
"I couldn’t believe it when after Chris proposed to me I fell into a pit of depression and serious anxiety. A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Sheryl Paul's work and I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone, and there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings."
“A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Conscious Weddings – Sheryl Paul’s work and the first blog I read I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone and also there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings. I signed up for the e-course almost immediately and got straight on with the lessons. I read and read and read. I spoke to my fiancé about it and I showed him some of Sheryl’s videos so he could really understand how I was feeling (even though he was so supportive anyway despite being slightly confused at times), I frequented the forums and read as much as I could. I come from a family and past of much anxiety and stress and it was time for me to break the cycle…
“Marriage so far has been amazing; I have made such a great decision with such an amazing person. I would encourage anyone who has visited this website looking for help to do this e-course and join our community. There is so much help here and so many people who feel exactly the same as what you feel. We don’t all have the exact same story or history and we don’t all have the exact same thoughts but we all searched for the same things which lead us to this website and I guarantee you that this is the place to be. Hang in there, be strong and don’t give up.”
"Before I found the course, it was seven months before my wedding and I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course, I realized I actually had a flashlight; I just had to learn how to turn it on."
“Before I found the E-Course I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of patience I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage with working through the lessons, journaling and support of the forum that this had nothing to do with my partner, but just fears that were trying to protect me from getting hurt by love. I think there does come a point after you’ve panicked enough that your psyche says, okay, that’s great and all, but what are we going to do about it? The course helps you with finding your way out. With each fear you shine your light on, you realize, oh, that’s not scary at all or there is no way that makes any sense or oh, I don’t actually believe that, and then you keep moving forward.”
"When I was going through all my anxiety, I couldn't sleep or eat, and I would just search the internet for answers all night long. When I finally found your site, I was in tears after seeing other people were going through this and I was not alone."
“That message board was my lifeline for months.
“I truly can’t thank you enough for making me work through all the thoughts that were going through my head. I really married such a wonderful person :). We are expecting our first child in July, so new adventure here we come!”
Anna Minzel, Seattle, WA
"I can proudly say I am a happily married woman thanks to Sheryl and her life-changing course. I was so deep in fear and anxiety; all enjoyment and happiness had been zapped from my life. One day I was desperately looking for answers and I stumbled onto Sheryl’s website. It was an instant comfort!"
“The pieces I was reading felt like that were written specifically for me! I reached out to Sheryl who responded that very day, letting me know that this was completely normal and that I could, in fact, find peace. I started the course and began my healing. It took weeks of self-assessment, addressing my fears and completely deconstructing the meaning of “love”. I had the complete wrong idea of love, and soon recognized how loving, wonderful and fulfilling my relationship really was. Not only was I misreading my relationship, but I was misreading myself. I had to start looking inward since I was projecting outward. Sheryl’s course gives conscious brides the courage to face their fears in a calm and supportive arena. Thank you, Sheryl, for helping me find my inner peace and the “real” love I have for my husband.”
Nicole, Hoboken, NJ
"It is not an exaggeration to say that this course truly changed my life."
“I developed often-crippling anxiety towards the end of college, and much of it ended up being channeled toward my then-boyfriend (now husband). I was miserable, not knowing what was wrong with me –– I had a wonderful relationship, but I was scared and unable to be fully present. I stumbled upon your blog about 4 years into my misery, and about a year later, I finally signed up for the e-course. It immediately provided clarity and calmness. I was able to contextualize and better control the anxiety I had before and during my engagement, and it helped me immensely in going with the emotional flow (the good, the bad, and the ugly) on my wedding day. Of course, my anxiety isn’t gone –– it now seems to mostly be channeling itself toward my disappointment with my hairstyle at my wedding (!!), and the way that the photos thus turned out (sounds totally silly, I know). But I know that anxiety is not something that is necessarily going to go away forever; it is simply my mind’s reaction to big changes, to grief, to LIFE. Because of your course, it no longer spirals out of control: I can recognize it, name it, and honor the fear and grief that causes it, without giving the anxiety itself such immense power over me. Thank you, thank you, thank you, for giving me my life back, for giving me the tools and the language to understand my feelings, and for speaking truth to fear.”
"If you’re having any relationship, engagement, or marriage anxiety, I strongly encourage you to purchase the Conscious Weddings E-course. The website, message boards, and Sheryl’s advice saved my life!"
“My husband proposed with all of my family around us. My first thought was, ‘Oh my God, what have I done, we can’t get married, I don’t love him enough. I can’t believe I led him on for 7 years, I’m a horrible person.’ What I didn’t realize is that those thoughts were completely normal. I believed the thoughts because I had the thoughts so they must be the truth. This was NOT the case at all but I couldn’t see it at the time. I was normally such a happy, loving person. What in the world was going on? I was now the girl that wasn’t eating, wasn’t sleeping, didn’t want to be around anyone or anything. I caouldn’t get out of bed, I sobbed many, many times a day. Where did this amazing person go? What was happening to my relationship? Was I going to run, break my husband’s heart, and not marry him after all we had been through? I went into a deep, dark depression. I was depressed throughout my entire engagement. I had never been depressed before in my life! Now, I was at the doctor getting medicine for anxiety? I was completely different from everyone else, this is horrible. This had to be wrong, this had to be a bad choice. Right?
“I found the E-Course after I had been married for several months. After I spoke with Sheryl and all of the people on the message board. I realized that this wasn’t wrong. My reaction was completely normal. I dealt with extreme anxiety my entire engagement. After I got married, I still dealt with mild anxiety for quite some time. However, I used many tools that were provided for me through the e-course. I have now been married over a year and I get anxiety very rarely.”
"I cannot begin to tell you how my level of anxiety has just plummeted since I found this website and ecourse. Knowing that I am normal and not alone has quite honestly cut my anxiety in half!"
“When I first had a little anxiety attack, I began to have more and more anxiety, simply about the fact that I was anxious — my gut must be trying to tell me not to get married, I thought. Now that I know it’s okay to be anxious (and sad and lonely) I feel better. Really since my fiance and I met I’ve worried I don’t love him enough, or that I’m settling, because we don’t have the infatuation I had with previous relationships. But we do have the strong, steady, reliable comfort of the kind of healthy relationship I never had before. Also, the way he eats drives me CRAZY and I’m glad to know that’s not unusual. This experience of being on the forums and working through the lessons have turned a light back on inside me I had forgotten about. Thank you!”
A few days after starting the course:
“I cannot begin to tell you how my level of anxiety has just plummeted since I found this website and ecourse. Knowing that I am normal and not alone has quite honestly cut my anxiety in half! When I first had a little anxiety attack, I began to have more and more anxiety, simply about the fact that I was anxious — my gut must be trying to tell me not to get married, I thought. Now that I know it’s okay to be anxious (and sad and lonely) I feel better. Really since my fiance and I met I’ve worried I don’t love him enough, or that I’m settling, because we don’t have the infatuation I had with previous relationships. But we do have the strong, steady, reliable comfort of the kind of healthy relationship I never had before. Also, the way he eats drives me CRAZY and I’m glad to know that’s not unusual. This experience of being on the forums and working through the lessons have turned a light back on inside me I had forgotten about. Thank you!”
Upon completion of the course:
“I have blasted through this ecourse at top speed because I was so freaked out and I wanted to learn everything RIGHT NOW, and now I am going back to start over and work through it more thoroughly. The reason I came looking for this course and the reason I purchased it was that my fiance was driving me crazy, which led me to question whether I loved him enough and whether I was making a mistake. When I read the overview for this ecourse I felt like it was created with me in mind. Learning about projection and how to deal with it has already made our day-to-day experience much more loving. Also, ever since I started dating my fiance he has been very sure and convinced we would marry, but I could not stop questioning whether I loved him enough. I was so grateful to learn that what we have is real, and is enough, even though it doesn’t feel like the drama-filled relationships I have had in the past. Finally, the fact that I had anxiety about the marriage was making me more and more anxious– surely I was not supposed to marry this man if I felt so scared, the anxiety was a sign to run. I had been married before and I did not want to make another “mistake.” Realizing that the anxiety was NOT a sign telling me not to get married brought the anxiety down to a much more manageable level.”
Three weeks after her wedding:
“I have now been married almost 3 weeks (yay!), and I am just happy as a clam (even his eating habits bug me less). By the time the wedding arrived I was in a state of calm I could not have dreamed of when I was up in the middle of the night searching the internet and came upon your website. My wedding day was amazing – I just got the photos back today, actually, and there is a giant grin on my face in every single shot! I have settled into a contentedness I’ve never experienced before, and I am so grateful for what I learned working through your lessons and the forum.
Newlywed, Memphis, Tennessee
I cannot recommend Sheryl Paul's courses highly enough. I first came across her work when I was newly engaged, and to my confusion and surprise, found myself feeling numb and detached, with a pit in my stomach.
“I was too embarrassed to tell anyone how I was feeling, until a dear friend called and said, “When I got engaged, a lot of unexpected emotions came up for me. I don’t know if that is happening for you, but if it is, there is a great online course that was very helpful to me”. I was relieved to not be alone, and quickly signed up for Conscious Weddings Course.
“I have always been a sensitive person who is very attuned to change and loss, and who feels anxious about transitions. The course helped me to understand and frame my emotions through the framework of the stages of transition: grief at loss of the old identify, numbness during the transition, and finally joy at the entry into the new identify. I learned that I needed to grieve what I was losing – my identity as a young, single, woman with unconstrained possibilities for the future. Then I could let myself feel the numbness and confusion of such a large transition. And finally, after many months, I was able to enter the joy and excitement of the new life and identity I was entering. By delving into the emotional work of the transition that happens from being single, to dating, to engaged, to married, I was able to process the emotions and significance of my marriage, rather than distracting myself with flower arrangements and appetizer choices. When my wedding day arrived, I had done so much emotional preparation that the day was one of complete joy. I never, ever thought I would be the type of person to say this, but my wedding was honestly one of the most joyful and connected days of my life. I felt tremendous love and connection to my husband, as felt surrounded by the love of my family and friends.
“The Conscious Weddings Course course introduced me to Sheryl’s work, and I have since taken another course from her (Trust Yourself) which I learned a tremendous amount from. I subscribe to her blog as well. Sheryl has tremendous insight and wisdom; just watching her videos in the e-courses you can see what calm presence looks like personified. I felt cared for by her even though we had never met. Sheryl has also recommended numerous authors (Pema Chodron, Michael Singer, James Hollis, Alan Watts) whose books have enlarged my soul and contributed to much of my self-development in the 4 years since my marriage.
“I credit Sheryl with getting me through the confusing emotions of my engagement so that I could enter my marriage with joy, and then with guiding much of my personal development in the years that follow. I frequently say that marrying my husband was hands down the best decision I ever made; I could not be happier with the openness and connection we share. Thank you, Sheryl, for gently guiding me through some of the most significant passages of my life. I look forward to learning more from you in the future.”
- Course Participant, San Francisco, CA
When You Sign Up For The Program, You Will Receive:
– 10 videos totaling over 2 hours of information
– 4 one-hour podcasts from women who were anxiously engaged and are now happily married and 1 podcast from a man married 29 years
– Three email sessions with two different clients
– Two Months Access to the Password-Protected Message Board, which includes hundreds of pages of posts (many happily married women and men credit the message board as the single most influential reason why they didn’t run)
– 18 articles (9 exclusive articles)
– Checklists to help you identify the areas of this transition that are most affecting you
– Notecards for the anxiously engaged with positive, truthful statements that you can print and cut out to keep handy in your bag or pocket
– Exercises from The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner
– A Wedding Day Meditation MP3 to help prepare you for your wedding day
– Lifetime Access to All Materials
Each of the seven lessons is based on one of the most common questions that I’m asked around the wedding transition. These questions are:
What’s Wrong With Me?
or Understanding Your Personality Type and An Overview of Transitions: Here you’ll learn about the profile of those prone to anxiety, why some people seem so happy in their relationship, and an overview of transitions.
Why Is My Partner Driving Me Crazy?
or Understanding Projection: Here you’ll understand projection and the breakdown of the fantasy of the perfect partner that begins when you the relationship turns “real”.
What If I Don’t Love Him or Her Enough?
or Understanding Real Love: Here you’ll learn about the difference between real love and infatuation.
What If These Feelings Mean That I’m Making A Mistake?
or Accepting Uncertainty: Here you will learn to distinguish between real fear resulting from a red-flag issue in the relationship, anxious fear and healthy transition fear and you’ll be offered a relieving perspective on the word “mistake”.
How Do I Manage My Anxiety?
Here you’ll learn highly effective tools for handling the anxiety both in the moment and for the rest of your life.
What If I Feel Like This On My Wedding Day?
Here you’ll receive practical tools to support all of the emotional work you’ve done to support your wedding day serenity.
What Does Marriage Mean Today?
Here you’ll learn to dismantle the idea that there’s one way to have a marriage and explore the most common reason why marriages fail today You’ll receive seven lessons that will guide you to the clarity and joy that you seek. And unlike having a counseling session, you’ll be able to listen to the videos and podcasts as many times as you need to until you start to absorb the truth.
A lot of the anxiety that emerges during the wedding transition is a result of the lies and unrealistic expectations that our culture disseminates and that you’ve absorbed from the time you were old enough to absorb information. The more you understand the truth, the more you’ll be able to battle the fear-based lies that you’ve been telling yourself ever since the anxiety began.
Frequently Asked Questions
What if it doesn’t work? What if I go through the Course and I’m still anxious?
The E-Course isn’t a magic pill that takes away your anxiety just by reading the material and watching the videos (I wish I had that magic pill!). You have to work through the exercises and give your fear time to work through. The E-Course will provide you with accurate information to replace your false beliefs. It will provide you with tools and exercises for working with your fear. It will provide you with comfort from reading about and hearing other women’s and men’s stories that are just like yours. But the real work has to come from you and your commitment to taking full responsibility for your well-being. And there are two factors that I can’t include in the Course: time and patience. There are six factors in the equation that result in serenity:
accurate information + effective tools for managing anxiety + support + validation through other’s stories + time + patience = serenity
The E-Course offers the first four factors, but there’s no way to package TIME and PATIENCE. However, I will say this: Every single person who has worked with me in some capacity (read my books, frequented the message board, worked through the e-course, and/or had counseling sessions) and has found the patience to give themselves enough time, has found their serenity. With the Course and Time, you will find your answers, too.
What if I work through the Course and discover that I don’t want to get married?
Then you’ll have found your clarity and serenity. Serenity doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll avoid difficult feelings; it means that you’re at peace with your decision, whatever you decide. And better to find out that you don’t want to get married now than after you’re married.
What if I’m a guy?
The Course applies to men, too. Some of the language is gender-biased, but don’t let that stop you. More and more men are finding their way to my work and realizing that they have a boatload of fears that need to be addressed before they can marry without anxiety, like A.G. from North of England (his full one-hour interview is contained in my Break Free From Relationship Anxiety E-Course, which is more applicable for men):
There’s also a fantastic interview with a man named Leo in the free E-Course Sampler, which you can sign up for in the box near the top of this page.
And if you’re the partner of someone struggling with relationship anxiety, please take a look at my Premarital E-Course, which has an entire section called, “For the Partner of the Anxiously Engaged.“
What if I’m already married?
The beauty of transitions is that it’s never too late to complete an unfinished transition. If you’ve found yourself here it’s probably because you’re struggling with post-wedding anxiety or depression. You might be thinking, “Shoot. I wish I had found this information before I got married.” Don’t worry! It’s not too late! The sooner you address your fear and grief and learn the information and tools that will help you work it through, the sooner you will find your serenity around your marriage transition.
I’m already in therapy. How is this different?
Most therapists aren’t trained in the specifics of going through a transition in general and the wedding transition in particular. Sadly, I’ve heard countless stories of people’s therapists who respond to the doubt and fear with the dreaded, “Well, maybe that means you shouldn’t be getting married.” And even the best of therapist don’t have the information and tools at their fingertips that can help you through your engagement or newlywed anxiety. This e-course isn’t therapy, but it works beautifully in tandem with a good therapist (please see my counseling page for more information on my sessions and unique approach to working with anxiety).
What if I'm not engaged yet?
Without a doubt, the e-course would be immensely helpful to you. It’s the best course of action anyone struggling with relationship anxiety can take, whether single, partnered, engaged, or married. The sooner you take action, the sooner you’ll experience the relief that hundreds of e-course members have experienced. Through the private, password-protected e-course forum, you’ll also “meet” others in your exact situation: not engaged but struggling with relationship anxiety with such severity that its threatening to break apart their loving, solid relationship. You’ve found your way to the right place and help is on the way!
I’ve read “The Conscious Bride” and all of your articles. How is this different?
This E-Course begins where “The Conscious Bride” left off. I starting writing “The Conscious Bride” in 1998 and it was published in 2000. Since then, I’ve counseled and advised thousands of women and men through relationship anxiety, and the evolution and expansion of my understanding is reflected in this Course. Where “The Conscious Bride” focuses more on helping people through the grief, loneliness, and archetypal fear, the Course focuses on how to understand and ultimately resolve the relationship anxiety that arises around the wedding transition.
Is it really worth the expense?
The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $26,000. So, yes, it’s worth the expense. But the real question to ask yourself is this: What is the cost of NOT getting the help and support you need? What will happen to you – and your relationship – if you don’t address your anxiety thoroughly and effectively?
I'm still uncertain. Do you offer any free consultations?
If you have a question about the e-course, please submit it below in two brief sentences or less. Due to the volume of emails that I receive, I cannot read and respond to lengthy inquiries, but I’m happy to answer a very specific question to help you determine if the course is right for you. If you write a long inquiry you will not receive a response. Before submitting your question, please be sure to read the Frequently Asked Questions section on this page to see if it’s already been addressed.
Your peace of mind is worth it!
- pay in full (save $21)
- split payment (over two months)
- Please note that there are no refunds.
"Two months before my wedding I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn't have any love for her. Then I found the Conscious Transitions website. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mine."
“With all this reassurance, of course I was doing the right thing. There was a problem, however. My subconscious wouldn’t let it drop. ‘You shouldn’t be doing this. You’re making a mistake. You don’t love her.’ There was no evidence to support any of this, so my mind started to invent things and torment me with them. ‘She’s too loud. She’s not as witty as you. She’s not as clever as you.’ None of which should matter, even if they’re true, which they’re not. I was able to keep these thoughts at bay for the most part until mid-April, two months before the wedding, when I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn’t have any love for her. ‘She’s not the one’, I thought. I couldn’t believe what I’d done. How could I have been so stupid to let things get so out of hand so quickly? There was nothing else for it. Imminent though the wedding was, I couldn’t go through with it. I went home to break the news to her.
“She asked me if I still loved her. I said that I didn’t know. And with that, our engagement was over. For the next few minutes I tried to explain what I was going through. I said that for some reason, I was having to let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn’t know why. As I spoke those words, I knew that to end it was not what I really wanted. Within half an hour, we’d patched things up to the extent that we were re-engaged but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I still felt as though I didn’t love her, but I couldn’t find any real reason why. I went to a couple of different therapists who tried their best to help me with these intrusive thoughts but time was running out.
“I spent a huge amount of time searching the internet for advice on cold feet and general wedding anxiety, none of which was helpful. ‘Doubt means don’t’ they all yelled at me. Two weeks before the wedding, I found the Conscious Transitions website. I couldn’t believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mine. I learned so much about myself. About how my perceptions and expectations of marriage had been shaped by the media in the form of romantic comedies and how if your stomach doesn’t do somersaults every time they walk into a room, it means you don’t love that person. I realised, although it seems obvious now, that if that’s the way it is, then there isn’t anyone who has been with the same person for more than two years who can claim to be in love.”
A.G – Groom from England
"Your e-course and the forum literally saved me. I worked through all the different lessons and your calm reassuring voice got me through. Thank you, Sheryl, for everything you do for women and men that are going through this. You are the calm, centred beacon of truth that we can all desperately hold onto when nothing else makes sense and our anxiety is clouding everything, even our love for our amazing partners. You and the other forum members helped me through the toughest time in my life. Thank you to the moon and back."
I’ve been meaning to write to you for some time now, and I’ve promised myself I would sit down and write this email today.
I’m a member of your Conscious Weddings E-Course. I’m sure you hear this a lot, but your e-course literally saved me.
My wonderful partner and I got engaged back in September 2015 after being together for over 4 years and whilst we had discussed getting engaged at length, and had even looked at engagement rings together, when he actually popped the question (in front of my whole family during his 30th birthday celebrations!), I hit me like a ton of bricks. After the initial elation and joy and happiness, I had a strange panicky sensation in the pit of my stomach. I felt terrified, confused, distressed, unsure. I had to endure a whole weekend of celebrations with family and friends, and all the while, I remember I just wanted to get onto the nearest train to take me far away from everything. I had never been more terrified of my own feelings in all my life.
I spent the next several months feeling extremely anxious. I couldn’t eat properly, I couldn’t sleep and I was getting regular panic attacks. Congratulations cards were being sent to us and I didn’t want to even look at them. I didn’t even know at that point if I wanted to go ahead with planning a wedding and marry the guy of my dreams. I didn’t understand why I was feeling like this – wasn’t this what I’d wanted, pretty much since we got together? I’d always said I already felt like we were married since we got together and I couldn’t imagine life without him, so now I was so confused and scared as to why I felt all of this negativity.
I started googling ‘scared of being engaged’ and that’s when I came across your website. After being the victim of my own thoughts for months before and being stuck, I read through your website and it was the biggest blessing I could have ever received at that point in time. I remember just crying with relief all afternoon, reading all of your articles. I’m actually welling up thinking about it now. I stopped feeling so alone. There were hundreds of other women that had gone through or were going through exactly what I was going through. In our society it’s such a shameful topic – you’re “supposed to” be feeling happy and amazing and sure, and I felt the opposite.
Your e-course and the forum literally saved me. I worked through all the different lessons and your calm reassuring voice got me through. I stopped reading anything else about weddings and marriage because I completely trusted your judgement and your confidence that everything was going to be fine, because I didn’t have that myself. It also made me realise how much negativity about marriage I had been unconsciously consuming; reading the latest gossip about the numerous celebrity divorces, or watching wedding movies where the heroine always seemed to call off her wedding at the last minute…no wonder my sensitive soul was terrified!
We got married in August of this year. It was a gorgeous sunny day and we said our vows surrounded by all our friends and family. The song I walked down the aisle to was ‘I Won’t Give Up’ by Jason Mraz. The words to that song meant everything to us and only the two of us really understood that, so it made that moment extra special. Whilst I beamed all the way down the aisle, my husband broke down at the altar because he knew just what I’d gone through to get to that point. Even though the whole day was amazing, our vows to each other were definitely the highlight; it felt like it was only the two of us in that room and I felt like my heart was just shining.
Our day was everything we could have hoped for and more. My Grandad said the two of us just beamed from start to end, and genuine happiness and joy was emitting from the two of us.
Our honeymoon was actually really quite tough for me, which I wasn’t expecting. I realised I still had some fears to work through, and I was still feeling some shame that I was feeling like that. I thought that after I got married, all my anxiety would go away. I talked to my husband about it and he re-assured me, which eased the shame and I worked with a counsellor who taught me about how to have more compassion for myself and how I can respond more positively to future change in my life, so I’m feeling a lot, lot stronger than I did before.
Married life is honestly the most incredible thing ever. I feel really safe, secure, happy, sure of myself and of us, and closer than ever before after what we went through together. I had so many misconceptions about what being married ‘should’ be like, and I’m really glad I have your voice of wisdom in my head to respond to those fears. I had unconsciously thought that a marriage should be full of constant drama, fights and passion because that’s what my grandparent’s marriage has been like, and theirs has been one of the only ones in my family to last, but your teachings about the calm pairings really helped me to counter those fears and be immensely grateful for the calm, loving, respectful partnership that my husband and I have.
Plus, one of the most helpful things I took from your e-course what that whenever I got an anxiety spike about my feelings towards my husband, I reminded myself that I can always choose to love, and that continues to make me feel calmer and in control.
Thank you, Sheryl, for everything you do for women and men that are going through this. You are the calm, centred beacon of truth that we can all desperately hold onto when nothing else makes sense and our anxiety is clouding everything, even our love for our amazing partners. You and the other forum members helped me through the toughest time in my life. Thank you to the moon and back.
From one very happily married woman in the UK :-)”
"This e-course saved my engagement! Thank you. Four months before the wedding, I was panicking. I wasn't feeling attracted to my partner AT ALL (this has been a problem on and off since the honeymoon period ended about a year and half into the relationship) and I really thought I had made a terrible mistake."
“I started desperately googling “engagement cold feet” and of course found blogs with titles like “How to tell if you’re not really into your partner” and felt worse and worse. Then I found your site. When I read your blog post on “When you’re not attracted to your partner”, I felt calmer instantly. I signed up for the course on a whim. I learned about projection and that cold feet didn’t mean my “gut” was telling me to get out, and I knew I was doing the right thing for our relationship by taking this course. The forum helped too. Over the course, I’ve learned a lot about myself and about the need to take responsibility for my own feelings and behavior and even for that “feeling of love” that I was missing. I’m getting married in two weeks and I feel mostly calm, hopeful, and like I made the right choice. My attraction to my partner still comes and goes, but I don’t panic as much anymore when it’s not there, and I have gotten a lot of mileage out of the suggestion to replace the thought “am I attracted to my partner?” with “what draws me to my partner?” I’m very attracted to his essence, and, most importantly, I really love him with a deep, strong love. I feel cautiously optimistic about our marriage and our life together and I now have the tools to do my very best for our marriage. Thank you.”
Julia, Washougal, WA
"The most helpful thing about the Course was reading that most other people were going through the same thing. The hardest part about this transition is feeling alone and when I learned that I wasn’t alone, I felt less guilty for my feelings."
“I was anxious for ten months leading to my wedding day, but the wedding day was great. I was very calm (I had listened to the meditation from the eCourse a few days before and the morning of). In fact, I was so calm everyone commented on it. People would say WOW you don’t look nervous at all, you look so calm, no jitters? I laughed inside thinking I’ve had wedding jitters the past 10 months…. today I feel good.
“Part of me started wondering if I was just disconnecting myself and that’s why I didn’t feel nerves. Then when we got to church it hit me. I felt LUCKY AND LOVED. It was supposed to be a rainy weekend and the sky opened up when we got to church. Being the way I am and always thinking the worst is going to happen and stressing about all the bad things and what ifs, at that moment I started to cry because I felt so lucky that everything was going great. I also felt so much love. At one point LOVE is all I could think. Thank you for everything.”
Giuliana Montenegro, Union City, NJ
"I truly can't express to you how much this has saved my life and future marriage. I firmly believe I was led to your website to help heal my own emotional state and feelings so that I can have a wonderful future marriage with my amazing (even though it was hard to see when I signed up for this course) fiancé."
Cady, Chattanooga, TN
"The e-course is a study of becoming more conscious of your thoughts. It is not a quick fix; instead, it's a self-paced, rebuilding of the way you understand your feelings and thoughts. The more you understand about yourself and your anxiety, the more power you feel over your anxiety. Because of the e-course, I was emotionally ready to experience all of the love I felt on my wedding day, without panic. I'm so grateful for Sheryl and I recommend this course to anyone who is on their engagement journey."
“When I got engaged to my long-term boyfriend, I almost immediately started to panic. My mind knew that he was an honest, kind, truly good man that I trusted and felt safe with, but fear completely took over. I felt unsure that he was “the one” or “the right one.” Growing up, I never had many examples of happy marriages around me, and as an adult I’ve watched marriages fall apart. I didn’t have a lot of confidence in marriage in general, and I wasn’t sure if I was ready to commit.
“These unsure feelings caused me so much stress that I stopped sleeping through the night and felt very closed off from my fiancé. For months, I couldn’t bring myself to talk to any of my friends about my “cold feet” because I was sure that these feelings meant something bad. I held it inside to the point of almost breaking down. I avoided wedding planning and panicked when it came time to send our save-the-date cards.
“As a last-resort, I decided to sign up for the e-course. Almost immediately, I started to feel little sparks of hope. It forced me to spend time on understanding myself more fully, recognizing which feelings were normal and which had to be worked through. I realized that I was not the only person in the whole world experiencing engagement anxiety. Through the course, I came to understand a lot about myself and fear.
“The e-course is a study of becoming more conscious of your thoughts. It is not a quick fix; instead, it’s a self-paced, rebuilding of the way you understand your feelings and thoughts. The more you understand about yourself and your anxiety, the more power you feel over your anxiety. Because of the e-course, I was emotionally ready to experience all of the love I felt on my wedding day, without panic. I’m so grateful for Sheryl and I recommend this course to anyone who is on their engagement journey.”
"The e-course helped me to start to understand what real love is and do the work to begin to accept things as they are with all of their uncertainties. It also provided me with useful tools that I will be able to use for my whole life that help control my anxiety, which I have always suffered from. It taught me that thoughts are just that - thoughts, and that one can learn to choose them."
“Before I started this program, I was unsure as to why I was questioning my relationship so much and felt as though maybe I was trying to force it to work or be right because I did not understand. I missed the feeling of earth shattering “in love” or desire took hold of me and I was unable to think or make decisions for myself.
“I would also say that my transition has been really hard, and filled with a lot of surprises; so many aspects of my life that I never would have anticipated are coming into the light as ones that need attention or work. At times I have not been able to sleep and I have lashed out at my fiancé as a result of having so many feelings going on at once. I have learned the value of writing and journaling, and self-esteem.
“The e-course helped me to start to understand what real love is and do the work to begin to accept things as they are with all of their uncertainties. It also provided me with useful tools that I will be able to use for my whole life that help control my anxiety, which I have always suffered from. It taught me that thoughts are just that – thoughts, and that one can learn to choose them.
“I am still in the process of the transformation, but in general I have felt like I am beginning to embrace things and understand that my path is learning to accept my life as it is. I have more hope and confidence in myself than before. I see changes in my outlook on life and in the world, when I am not stuck in my anxiety, and feel better most days than not.
“This is some of the hardest work you will ever do, but it’s also some of the most rewarding. If you are afraid or unsure I would encourage you to move forward with the e-course. You only have your clarity to gain.”
Liz, Santiago, Chile
"I got married! Successfully! Consciously! I was very impressed with myself! I owe every bit of my being on that day to YOU AND YOUR WORK!"
“I don’t even want to know how I would be now if I didn’t google “is it normal to be scared of marriage?”! I can’t thank you enough! Best wedding present! I hope my [email session] helps someone like me!””
Maria’s email sessions with Sheryl are included in the course.