Break Free From
Relationship Anxiety Course

Do you struggle with doubt that you are not with the “right” partner – that you’re “settling” and that there’s someone “better” for you out there?

Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough, that you’re not “in love”, not attracted enough, or that something is “missing”?

If so, you’re in the right place. Thousands of people have taken my course and broken free from their relationship anxiety. The same is possible for you. If you’re suffering from relationship anxiety (sign up for the free sampler/assessment in the sign-up box below to find out for sure), whether single, dating, dating after divorce, engaged, or married, this is the best course of action you can take.


Based on over two decades of my work with clients and course members, this comprehensive, self-paced course includes fourteen downloadable lessons of exclusive videos, MP3 interviews, articles, checklists, charts, tools, and exercises that will help you transform your relationship anxiety into clarity and love.

There is no other resource available that guides you step-by-step on how to heal relationship anxiety from the root.

Do you think you have an extreme case of relationship anxiety?
Do you feel alone with your experience, like no one understands?

You are far from alone and I assure you that you’re not an extreme case. One of the ways we heal is through stories and learning that we’re not alone. Along these lines, when you sign up for the course you will receive ten MP3 interviews with people who were in the depths of relationship anxiety, suffering from the range of doubt from day one to a two-year honeymoon that ended overnight.

In other words, some never experienced infatuation and lived with years of doubt before they found their way to my work; others were blissfully happy for months or even years until the anxiety and panic blew apart their world overnight. They come from all parts of the world and are in all configurations of relationships, for relationship anxiety is the great equalizer and crosses all boundaries. It can affect you no matter how old you are, where you live, your religious background, or your sexual orientation. These courageous women and men share their struggle in detail and let you know that you’re not alone, crazy, or an extreme case.

You will also gain access to a private, moderated, extremely active forum, where you can connect with people who are struggling with your EXACT issues, and you’ll be privy to the wisdom of those who made it through and are offering their advice to those in the eye of the anxiety storm.

Alanis Morissette

Sheryl’s work was indispensable in helping me soothe and address my fears and anxieties.


You must receive hundreds of emails a day, so I’m sorry for filling your inbox, but I felt moved to send you a personal thank-you. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you and your e-course have been a gift from heaven for me.

Brent Alexander

There is no other source that I know of for this information and for this method of awakening. Sheryl is the master and her course is worth ten times what you pay for it.

There is no other resource available that guides you step-by-step on how to heal relationship anxiety from the root.

Self-Paced: Paid in Full

Save $31


Please note that there are no refunds.

Self-Paced: Split Payment over Two Months


Please note that there are no refunds.

“Trust me: with Sheryl Paul, you are in the safest, most divine hands you could ever imagine. It’s safe to say that the night I came across her work changed my life forever.”


“I now understand that my anxieties are here to show me the path to peace, and that it’s only frightening when we don’t understand its purpose for being. Now that I know it is my friend, rather than shrinking away from it, I stop to say thank you and lean in to hear what it whispers. There is no other source that I know of for this information and for this method of awakening. Sheryl is the master and her Break Free From Relationship Anxiety Course is worth ten times what you pay for it.”

To read Brent’s full story, sign up for the free sampler/assessment in the first signup form below.

Brent Alexander

"It has only been a week and a half since I found your course online and poured through everything, but honestly my thoughts and perspectives prior to going through the course seem decades in the past."


“You must receive hundreds of emails a day, so I’m sorry for filling your inbox, but I felt moved to send you a personal thank-you. Sincerely, from the bottom of my heart, I want you to know that you and your e-course have been a gift from heaven for me.

“It has only been a week and a half since I found your course online and poured through everything, but honestly my thoughts and perspectives prior to going through the course seem decades in the past. I’m going back through the course again to do some of the exercises which, of course, are making me rehash the thoughts that brought me here in the first place, but I’m actually having trouble connecting with those thoughts now. They don’t even make sense to me today.

“From listening to other stories, I’m sure it’s just wishful thinking to imagine that I’m out of it now, so I know to prepare mentally for the thoughts and anxiety to come back, but I will be ready for it and until then I will remain hopeful that I’m out of the darkness.

“This last weekend with my boyfriend was nothing short of magical. This is the man I’ve been with for close to five years, but it was as if I was seeing him with new eyes. His jokes seemed funnier, his face seemed more handsome. It’s like the anxiety has been a cloud blocking my ability to love him and I’m just now learning how to truly appreciate our connection. How to be content and happy with what is right in front of me.

“And as an added bonus of no anxiety for the last week and a half, I’ve slept like a baby every night. It feels so good to be well rested. From the bottom of my heart: thank you, Sheryl!”

Sara, Denver CO

"Thank you from every fiber of my being."


“I am feeling incredibly compelled to write you today. I have been moving through your relationship anxiety course. I cannot count how many times I’ve had a moment where I was completely blown away by the truth you share in each lesson. The first year of my beautiful relationship would’ve been met with more compassion towards myself and my partner had I found this course sooner. Though I believe I found it exactly when I was ready to break through my ego and allow my true self to shine through.

“This year I lost my father and may have allowed old wounds, projection, and personal frustrations to take me back to the anxiety I always seemed to cycle through. I could’ve easily imploded the very relationship I both need and want love and growth. With this work, I’ve come to understand not only my romantic relationships but why I have made certain choices in my life. I feel like I have found a tribe of kindred spirits who understand my sensitive soul and want to help guide me in this process. I’ve been looking for that my entire life.

“This course sums up perfectly every lesson life has handed me with my 2 1/2 year relationship. It is beautiful, sad, heart-opening, loving, fulfilling, and everything in between. I cannot believe that precisely the words I needed to hear are on every page of the reading and in every minute of the videos. Thank you is too small. You have given me the tools to free my heart and more importantly, embark on a greater journey of self-love. I am forever grateful.

Thank you for changing my life.”

Louise W.

"Doing this work has done more than neutralize my crippling anxiety around my gender transition; it has also helped me get to the core of who I am and to unpack layers of defenses I didn’t even know I had."


“As a sensitive person with a history of anxiety spikes throughout my life, I was shocked at how transformational the course curriculum was for me. I had suffered for 15 years before I found Sheryl’s work. Doing this work has done more than neutralize my crippling anxiety around my gender transition; it has also helped me get to the core of who I am and to unpack layers of defenses I didn’t even know I had.”

Ethan C, transgender ftm

"It's so possible to work through this anxiety and to dip your toes in the waters of real love, and it's so worth the work to get there."


“Engaging is Sheryl’s work has changed my life in ways I didn’t imagine possible. What’s been the best ‘result’ is that I feel more me, and my relationship feels more real. I’m less caught up in the mainstream culture of ‘do more, be more have more’, and my life and relationship are a reflection of the hard work I’ve done and the guidance Sheryl has provided. For so long I thought I was an exception, that my anxiety was different than the others going through the work.

“What I learned is that I’m not different. I’ve learned so much about myself, about my relationship, that I wouldn’t trade my experience for anything. The work is about coming into contact with all that lives inside you, learning to embrace all the parts of yourself lovingly so you can share that love with others. If you’re in a loving relationship with someone you generally enjoy and with whom you share generally similar values, yet are plagued by anxiety please consider her courses. Having a real love relationship, one in which there are ebbs and flows, hardship and ease, is so much better than bouncing around waiting for the perfect someone to make your every waking moment a joyful one. Won’t happen. It’s so possible to work through this anxiety and to dip your toes in the waters of real love, and it’s so worth the work to get there.”

Sarah Love, Ann Arbor, MI

"This course was a true blessing. It helped me to open a new chapter in my journey, and the world I'm seeing is much more beautiful than I ever realized."


“I know the insights I started to gain through this process will serve me for a lifetime, and they have already started to influence my thinking and experiences about many areas of my life (job, other relationships, motherhood, etc). With the deepest appreciation, thank you, Sheryl, for helping me to see all of that!”

Caitlin, Vermont

"I recall the day the course came into my life. It was December 6, 2011, and my mental inertia matched the temperature outside: I was frozen. Paralyzed by debilitating anxiety, I feared what this anxiety meant for my new relationship and even more terrified of making a mistake. 'Did I love him?' 'Why did I not find him attractive?"


“‘Am I just with him because he treats me so well?’ Perplexed by whether or not to call it quits with my boyfriend of only a few months, I broke down and wrote an email cry for help to Sheryl asking what to do. Although she couldn’t make the decision for me despite my urging, she did suggest the e-course. I hesitated at first, as my partner and I had only been seeing each other for a few months, and I didn’t even know if I wanted to be in a relationship with him. While I enjoyed spending time with him – he’s smart, generous, thoughtful, and loves me unconditionally – I was still so unsure. Sheryl appealed, noting:

‘The nicer the guy, the more fear it will activate. It sounds like you have a great guy on your hands and you owe it to yourself to do everything you can to address what’s interfering with your ability to be fully present in the relationship. If not now, when?’

“The answer was now. I dived head first into the e-course and made a commitment to work through my anxiety without sacrificing my relationship. Each lesson touched on an anxiety pain point I was experiencing, from projection to real love to managing my anxiety in the moment. I found relief with each passing day. Interviews, message board wisdom, gratitude lists, and targeted exercises helped me to see that I was not alone in my thoughts; and not only that, but that I could be happy in my relationship. The forum allowed me to share my fears with like-minded men and women who were encountering similar experiences. In conjunction with a counselor, diet and exercise, prayer, and support of loving family and friends, the e-course kick-started positive changes that have reverberated in every aspect of my life. I cannot thank Sheryl enough for warming my cold feet on that December day and for guiding me along this incredible journey to wholeness.”

KD, New York

"When relationship anxiety first showed up I was in a very fragile state, dealing with severe anxiety including panic attacks. I really didn't understand what was happening to me with all those disturbing thoughts and feelings about my husband and our relationship (we had been married for 13 years at that time) and I interpreted them all at face value."


“My mind became like a roller coaster. Relationship anxiety triggered even more fear, uncertainty, doubt and confusion and a great amount of anxiety with all sorts of physical manifestations. I googled about it and came across Sheryl’s website. It was comforting for me to realize that I could put a word on it, but I was still very confused. I was reading blog posts but it took me quite some time before I got the courage to sign up for the course. There was a lot of resistance about what I might find out if I do this work.

“I didn’t realize at that time what kind of inner work is ahead of me – it’s not the easiest thing I have ever done :-), but as any worthwhile thing in our lives (which real, good relationship definitely is) it requires some effort. The e-course was really eye opening to me and so interesting. I’ve never come across such well-designed e-course with so much information in different formats.

“It has been an interesting journey for me since then, because it doesn’t just help me deal with my relationship anxiety but it is also a big help with my anxiety in general. The e-course includes a wide spectrum of information and knowledge that are all linked to relationships but also to other part of our lives. I’m learning new ways of connecting to myself through yoga, writing poetry, learning mindfulness meditation. I’m also learning how to work with thoughts and so on. The benefits for me are huge.

“There are times when we make a decision just by blind faith and I think the decision to sign up for this e-course is one of them. I encourage you to make this decision and gain so much out of it. I sure have and it still continues to be a work-in-progress.”

Sasa, Slovenia

"I found Sheryl’s work at the start of a period of profound anxiety, the likes of which I had never experienced before. Ever since childhood I have been a worrier, afraid of change, death and abandonment. To cope with these fears, I developed protective but painful habits of being extremely hard on myself and believing in my own unworthiness. Nothing, however, could compare to this Dark Night of the Soul."


My initiation into anxiety came off the back of numerous significant life transitions that I had absolutely no idea how to navigate: moving cities, publishing a novel, moving back in with my mum, changing jobs, flying to the other side of the world and campervanning for six weeks and, finally, being asked by my boyfriend to marry him. I thought I could waltz my way through all of this tumult without a care in the world, but my sensitive constitution was calling for consciousness, gentleness and grounding. Not knowing this at the time, anxiety came down on me like a ton of bricks: I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t sleep, my head hurt, my chest hurt, I had episodes of being unable to breathe properly, my ears rang, I lost so, so much weight and was completely at the mercy of the most excruciating intrusive thoughts. In the meantime, more changes were afoot as I started a new job, moved into a new flat and became an aunt all amidst the longest and hottest summer ever recorded in the UK. I was emotionally crippled.

Like many other people, I googled my symptoms and my thoughts and thankfully found Sheryl’s website. I had found other websites that had encouraged leaving your partner if you felt doubt, or espoused that if you loved him but were not ‘in love’ with him then that was a good reason to break up. These were truly scary to read and did not give me the answers I was looking for. I knew something bigger was at work here: it was Sheryl’s book and website that gave me a language and a context for what was happening to me. I was completely and utterly terrified of being loved, being vulnerable and surrendering to the great uncertainty of life. It turns out that thousands of other people all over the world had experienced that exact same thing and that in spite of the pain, this was an excellent opportunity and a gift.

My main fear and resistance lines that arose around buying the course where strong but, I have come to know, very common. They revolved around doing the work and still discovering I would have to leave; that doing this work successfully would require nothing short of a personality transplant; that it wouldn’t work for me because I was the exception and worst case scenario; that Sheryl didn’t actually know what she was talking about (what’s 20 years of counselling experience worth anyway?!) and that simply by having to embark on this course and needing Sheryl’s work, I was already a failure. My mind would latch onto every possible fear outcome. Clicking ‘Buy’ is a massive act of courage: it requires so much bravery to hear those fear lines and to push on regardless. But it is so, so worth it.

The course has given me the emotional education I wish I had been given at school. I learned about projection; taking responsibility for myself; that paradox is at the heart of living and loving fully; that real love isn’t the adolescent Disney fantasy that we are exposed to and want to be true; that sensitivity and creativity are gifts that are so underappreciated in our society and can result in sensitive-creative-anxious people squashing themselves into boxes of shame and not attending to their needs fully. Most importantly, I have learnt how to cultivate an inner loving adult to attend to my hurt places, to my fears and worries, to show up for myself when I feel alone, listless and completely out of control. This takes time to develop, because it is truly the work of a life time, but with the tools and practices Sheryl teaches like meditation, Tonglen and dialoguing, the creative expression she encourages through letter writing, poetry and dance and the bibliography she provides of books, audio files and articles, you are given so much material to guide you. Additionally, she provides the stories of people who have been exactly where you are to give reassurance, to help explore the roots of anxiety and to give you hope that you too will heal. I also loved the spiritual element of Sheryl’s work: I am not religious but I have always believed in something bigger, that we are all connected in this wonderful expansive universe. We are made of the same basic chemistry as the trees and the stars: that gives me such a sense of belonging! This course has given me the opportunity to explore that fully and to find comfort and grounding in that, especially when I feel lost and out of control: off the back of the course, I have been inspired to research the works of Pema Chodron, Ram Dass and the Tao Te Ching. I have transformed my Instagram feed from an endless scroll of selfies to recipe channels, quotes by Thich Nhat Hanh and videos of public speakers like Brene Brown. The course teaches you how to surround yourself with the goodness and nourishment you never even knew you needed.

If you are here, you will know that you are crossed some kind of threshold: you may have arrived at this point willingly but you may also have been dragged across it kicking and screaming, like I was. Either way, you know that the anxiety you are experiencing requires your attention. You need a context, you need to know what is happening inside you and you need to know how to help yourself move towards clarity and peace. On some level, you know that these fear lines and habits and ways of thinking are not serving you (even though they are telling you that they are) and that the time has come to learn how to be with yourself, how to heal old pain and how to open your heart. I know it feels like you can’t do this, but you can. Sheryl and the amazing community she has built are here to help you!

Elizabeth, Nottingham, UK

Is my doubt about my relationship an offshoot of my own anxiety or is it a warning that I’m with the wrong person?

Many people wonder what “relationship anxiety” is and if they are, indeed, suffering from it. They also desperately want an answer to that million-dollar question.

The answer to this question is contained in the assessment. Fill in your information to receive an immediate answer (and a lot of reassurance just from going through the material).

When You Sign Up For The Program, You Will Receive:

  • 14 lessons divided into four sections
  • 24 exclusive videos that teach the key principles and practices to help you break free from relationship anxiety.
  • 10 exclusive, one-hour podcasts with women and men from all over the worldwide who tell their honest stories of how they broke free from relationship anxiety and found their way through.
  • Hundreds of pages of articles to elucidate the various components of this work.
  • Specific and essential tools and exercises to help you heal from anxiety and find your clarity.
  • Two-month access to a private, moderated, extremely active, live forum where you will have an opportunity to interact with members worldwide who are struggling or have struggled with every aspect of relationship anxiety. There are over 135,000 posts on this very special forum. After the two month period, you’ll have an opportunity to continue forum access through subscription membership.
  • 6 MP3 visualizations and poetry to guide you through the process of healing.
  • Lifetime access to all of the material

The 14 Lessons are divided into four sections:

The Foundation


Where I will explain in detail the root causes of relationship anxiety, discuss the anxious-sensitive-creative personality type (why is this so hard for me?), explain dark night of the soul, delve into the essential concept of projection, cover red-flag issues, resistance, and answer the million-dollar question (see assessment above).

Break Free From Anxiety


Where I will teach you the essential tools and information that will help you break free from your anxiety. This section includes in-depth videos on topics that are exclusive to this course, like sexuality and the ex.

Intrusive Thoughts


An in-depth course unto itself that will teach you how to heal from intrusive thoughts once and for all.

The Stories


Where you will receive 10, one-hour podcasts with men and women all over the world in all configurations of relationship who share their struggle with relationship anxiety and how they broke free.

Bonus Lesson


A special focus on the anxiety activated by a proposal or impending marriage for anyone in the wedding transition (engaged or newlywed).

"I have been married for a month now, and I can honestly say I would have not had the courage to commit had I not been working with Sheryl and if I did not know the truth about real love and attraction, or have the tools to calm and sooth my anxious mind. Hand on heart, I can highly recommend Sheryl's counselling, coaching and online courses (I have delved into all of them!) for anyone who is committed to healing their anxiety and allowing their heart to break open in order to be free to share and experience the love in your heart."

“I found Sheryl’s work around 8 years ago and at first just spent a while reading her blogs, which I found so rich, comforting and informative, before I decided to have a session with her. I found the work to be deep and difficult but I loved working with Sheryl. Her integrity and depth shone through and I knew there was great wisdom in what she shared, even if I could not always fully integrate it in my life. I also bought many of Sheryl’s online courses, with The Break Free from Anxiety Relationship e-course being my favourite and most transformational course. I just loved the way it was laid out – so clear and practical – easy to dip in and out of or take a deep dive with – so much information at your fingertips that I revisited time and time again. I learn very well with visuals and videos, so this course was excellent for me as I could listen to the videos over and over, and look at the wheel charts at length. I felt like Sheryl had thought of everything – she clearly knows and understands this terrain deeply – and it also really felt like she was right there with me. Sheryl’s approach (in person and online) is unwavering, strong, and compassionate. There is some fierce love in there, telling you in no uncertain terms that fear is a liar, and that we need to take full responsibility, to wake up to it and do the work needed to excavate and move through it, if we want to experience love, which lies on the other side of fear.

“I recently started working with Sheryl again – and wow what divine timing that was. After 8 years of working with her on and off, but never following through on my relationships – by which I mean always dipping in a toe, but ultimately leaving them, it really was time to do the work on a deeper level. I had met a wonderful man and was once again insanely triggered in my fear. This was my time though, I had seen enough (been through 3 relationships repeating the same pattern) to know that the problem was mine, that the anxiety lay inside me, and that I had some strong projection habits going on! Within 6 months of my new relationship, working with Sheryl to steady the way, I was engaged and within a year we married! I have been married for a month now, and I can honestly say I would have not had the courage to commit had I not been working with Sheryl and if I did not know the truth about real love and attraction, or have the tools to calm and sooth my anxious mind. And what an utter travesty it would have been to walk away again… I would have missed out on my life’s greatest adventure, as I have never felt happier and more in love in my life. It really is true that the depth of your anxiety is in direct proportion to your love and your capacity to love. Of course, at times anxiety rears its head still – my old familiar friend – but I know now that this simply means I am misaligned and off centre internally, and I enjoy going inward to see what is calling for my attention inside. This simple, but profound shift means that the anxious feelings never really stay around for long, and my confidence in knowing how to handle anxiety has skyrocketed, as has my confidence in trusting that I know (very well) how to love. My new husband and I are at the start of our marriage journey and I finally feel clear, aligned and very excited about our future, and our capacity to handle what life might throw at us along the way.

“So hand on heart, I can highly recommend Sheryl’s counselling, coaching and online courses (I have delved into all of them!) for anyone who is committed to healing their anxiety and allowing their heart to break open in order to be free to share and experience the love in your heart. It is a true and invaluable reeducation and something that I feel should be taught in schools globally – imagine what a different world that would be!”

Katrina Kerr, London

"I remember vividly the day I experienced relationship anxiety. It was the night before I got married, back in October 2012. I could not sleep or eat. All I could think about was, "Did I make a mistake?", "Am I not in love with him?" "Will we get a divorce?"

“I started searching in the web all the questions in my head, and suddenly, came Sheryl Paul and her amazing work. I immediately purchased the Consciously Wedding E-Course, and started reading through the course and hearing all the stories. I thought I was cured. Little did I know, the road ahead was long and life changing. I admit, I had a lot of resistance, but my heart opened when she launched her course “Breaking Free from Relationship Anxiety”. I did all the work, listened to her audios as well as the stories. For once, I did not feel alone. Her work not only helped me deal with my relationship anxiety, but also showed me to trust myself, not to take my thoughts at face value but to challenge the thoughts. It helped me find the root cause of my anxiety, and for that I thank her every day. I will say, anxiety is part of me and I still experience it from time to time, but having this experience and finding Sheryl to guide me through the process was essential for my healing and growth. I love you, Sheryl.”

Viviana Angulo, Miami, Florida

"I'm sure you get these messages every day, but I needed to thank you for everything you have done for my relationship and my life. Your work gave me clarity in the most anxious and confusing time in my life."

“I’m sure you get these messages every day, but I needed to thank you for everything you have done for my relationship and my life. Your work gave me clarity in the most anxious and confusing time in my life. I feel that I am reaching the end of my relationship anxiety and I couldn’t be more grateful for the Break Free Course, the forum, and the reading list. I know that if I ever reach an anxious point in my life, I can handle my own emotions. That is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. You are doing God’s work and are helping so many people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.”

Linda, New Jersey

"I’m writing to you first with deep and heartfelt gratitude for creating and sharing your relationship anxiety e-course. My life transformed completely after finding it and I don’t know where I would be today without it."

“Because of you I never have to wonder and can happily say I am recently married to my best friend and have gained innumerable tools to look inward and work on loving myself.

My husband X and I started dating four years ago. At the time I was ending my previous relationship, which had lasted for three years, and the entire time before and during our relationship I had spent filled with anxiety. At the time of the ending of the relationship I thought it was because I had always known deep down that my boyfriend wasn’t the one for me, and while I am sure that was part of it, I realize now that much of the anxiety would follow me everywhere – and it soon did. X’s and my relationship was perfect for about two months, and I thought love was the cure for all anxiety until it came raging back to me. My own issues along with the stress of graduate school were incredibly hard on us – we even briefly broke up, but couldn’t step away from each other.

I had been aware of the term “relationship anxiety” for at least a year before I found your course and had searched many times online for articles and advice for help, but never found more than a few articles that didn’t offer detailed information. When we hit the three and a half year mark I became incredibly frustrated and depressed that I still had such doubts and anxiety about our relationship – surely I thought they must be gone by now if we were really right for each other. Another desperate google search led me to your course, and I couldn’t believe my luck. I knew it was for me and I bought the course right away.

I have been seeing a counselor for years, who I trust and has certainly helped me a lot in taking care of myself and my personal growth, but I never felt like I could make sense of relationship anxiety until I took your course, saw that thousands of people struggle with it, and received tools for understanding and addressing it. I could tell that your approach was the real deal when I could see on your website that you made sure we know that there are no quick fixes, but slow and steady progress is always possible.

I cannot express how incredible and quick the transformation was in me. I found the course in December and bought it just before Christmas. Within a few weeks, I felt the high, then the low, and slowly worked my way up again – and I found myself thinking constantly of engagement. We always knew that we both wanted to propose to each other. Because X had been so patient with me, I surprised him with a proposal in February, and a month later he finished with part two. I know my work is never done and I still have a long way to go, but I get overwhelmed with gratitude thinking of the discrepancy between where I was just seven months ago and where I am today. I love that your approach refuses to see people as “disordered” but rather functioning within a toxic culture that is not designed to meet our needs.

I can’t sing enough praises of your work. Thanks for your time, and thank you from the bottom of my heart for changing my life.”

A, Iowa

"Truly, this work has saved my life. Thank you, Sheryl!"

“I found the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course about a year and a half after I started having doubts about my relationship and feeling a kind pain that was a mix of anxiety and depression that I had never before experienced. When I found Sheryl’s website while I was, dare I say it, googling, I couldn’t believe that there was a thing called “Relationship Anxiety” but I knew that was exactly what I had. Just knowing that in itself was a huge relief and I knew immediately that I needed to soak up everything the course had to offer.

“It’s been almost 4 years since the first pings of doubt and questioning and subsequent terror took hold of me. I spent a year and a half second guessing if I loved my (now) husband and seeing all these perceived flaws and then another two and a half years reconditioning myself to understand what the heck happened and how to have a healthier take on what was really going on. It was not easy and being disconnected in that way from a person I have loved so deeply the whole time was the worst thing I’ve ever gone through. I held out for an answer because I knew if I didn’t really love him, I wouldn’t have been so desperate to understand what was wrong. Now after this long while, I can say finally that I have truly broken free and not only have I found that “oatmeal love” with my husband, I can understand how the anxiety and undergoing this whole process was a gift. Learning what I learned in the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety Course has helped me in all aspects of my life and I feel better equipped as a human being in this sometimes scary and difficult world.

“I think the most important things that I have learned and finally have engrained in my psyche: I need to learn how to fill my own well (no one else can do that for me), what I water will grow (and I’m holding the watering can), and my husband is a human being with flaws and imperfections just as I am. Also knowing that love can grow and is based on intention and commitment – that has helped put me in the driver’s seat again as well and made me a better partner. Oh oh Oh – and – just because I think something, doesn’t mean it’s true!! (Pair that with “what I water will grow” and that’s a pretty sweet recipe for taking care your own mental health!)

“Now that I have “broken free”, it doesn’t mean I’m perfect and don’t get flares of anxiety, it just means that when those sensations do crop up, I use it as an indicator that it’s time to turn inward and meditate or do something as simple as giving myself a hug. I don’t ever let myself go down the rabbit hole of thought that somehow my husband is somehow responsible, either passively or actively, for my discomfort.

“Truly, this work has saved my life. Thank you, Sheryl!”

Claire Elaine, Doylestown, PA

"It has been two years since I started the Breaking Free course, and I can humbly say that I would not have had such a beautiful engagement, wedding, or marriage so far if I did not find your site through my anxiety-driven Google searching all that time ago. Your course was and still is worth every penny and minute I invested in it, and it is the first thing I recommend when I meet women whose anxiety has distorted the reality of their relationship."

“Thank you for the work that you do, and for helping me cultivate the person I have become in these last couple of years: more calm, secure, courageous, accepting, and loving.

With endless gratitude,”

Gianna Lussier, Portland, OR

"I cannot tell you how much your work has helped me over the past year, Sheryl. It changed my life completely! Your course work and insight has been profoundly important to me. The way you think about love and relationships is revolutionary."

“I can’t get enough of it or stop talking about your work with friends. You really helped me open up to real love and your work gave me the strength to work through my anxiety and demons. You were right all along: anxiety ended up being such a gift. I am so grateful that I found the courage to do the work and walk through the deep scary forest. I am not perfect and I have my days where I feel scared and anxious, but I now welcome any anxiety as an opportunity to grow. I opened up to real love and I am happily married to a very special human being: my husband.”

Colette Nothnagel, Johannesburg, South Africa

If you have a question about the course, please submit it below in three brief sentences or less. Due to the volume of emails that I receive, I cannot read and respond to lengthy inquiries, but I’m happy to answer a very specific question to help you determine if the course is right for you. If you write a long inquiry you will not receive a response. Before submitting your question, please be sure to read the Frequently Asked Questions section below to see if it’s already been addressed.

I also offer single coaching sessions, which you can learn more about by clicking here.

Frequently Asked Questions

What if it doesn’t work? What if I go through the Course and I’m still anxious?

The course isn’t a magic pill that takes away your anxiety just by reading the material and watching the videos (I wish I had that magic pill!). You have to work through the exercises and give your fear time to work through. The course will provide you with accurate information to replace your unrealistic expectations. It will provide you with tools and exercises for working with your anxiety, doubt, and intrusive thoughts. It will provide you with comfort from reading about and hearing other people’s stories that are just like yours. But the real work has to come from you and your commitment to taking full responsibility for your well-being. And there are two elements that I can’t include in the course: time and patience. There are six factors in the equation that results in serenity:

accurate information + effective tools for managing anxiety + support + validation through other’s stories and posts + time + patience = serenity

The course offers the first four factors, but there’s no way to package TIME and PATIENCE. However, I will say this: Every single person who has worked with me in some capacity (read my books, frequented the forum, worked through the course, and/or had coaching sessions) and has found the patience to give themselves enough time, has found their serenity. Across the board without exception. The same can be true for you.

What if I'm in a new relationship?

As KD’s story shows above, and as several of the interviewees in the course share, relationship anxiety can hit at any time, including in the first few months, weeks, or even days of a relationship. The culture says, “If you have doubt from day one then you’re in the wrong place,” but my work reveals a vastly differently story.

What if I work through the course and discover that I want to leave?

This is the number one reason why people don’t sign up for the course: They’re terrified that they will discover that their “truth” is that they want to leave. I will tell you this: Of the thousands of people who have gone through the course, very few decide to leave, and for those that do leave it’s usually because there are true red-flag issues (which you will learn about in the course as well). What ends up happening is quite the opposite: When you work through your fear walls and see your partner with clear eyes, you are more available to love and be loved. When fear shrinks, love grows. It’s quite a simple equation.

Do you talk about OCD, ROCD, and HOCD?

Yes. In fact, the entire course addresses what the mainstream culture refers to as ROCD. While I’m not a big fan of diagnoses as they imply that there’s something “disordered” about you, my work addresses the root causes of these very painful yet common experiences. Section Three of the course – Break Free From Intrusive Thoughts – addresses the most common thoughts associated with “OCD”, including “What if I’m gay?” and “What if I don’t love my partner?” Most modalities teach you to work with the thoughts on a surface layer. Working this way may offer short-term relief, but it doesn’t address them at the thoughts at the core, which requires pulling them out by the roots. This is what the course will teach you.

What if I’m a guy?

The course applies equally to men. When I started working in the field of psychology in 1999, my work centered around women and the wedding transition. Since then it has evolved to include anyone who suffers from relationship anxiety at any stage and configuration of relationship.

If you’re a man struggling with relationship anxiety and attraction is your main spike (as it is for many men), please read through this page and sign up for the free, 26-page document contained there.

Is it really worth the expense?

The real question to ask yourself is this: What is the cost of NOT getting the help and support you need? What will happen to you – and your relationship – if you don’t address your anxiety thoroughly and effectively? But to answer the question directly, the course is the synthesis of thousands of hours of my work with clients and course members since 1999, and it offers more information, guidance, support, and tangible tools than I could offer in twenty therapy sessions (and a single coaching session with me is about the same cost as this course).

Furthermore, this is the only course available that addresses relationship anxiety from the root, which means not only will be given tools, information and support for how to break through your relationship anxiety and find your way back to love but you’ll also receive a guide for how to navigate through the rest of your life more successfully.

My anxiety hit during my engagement. Will this course help?

The first version of this course was called the Conscious Weddings E-Course, and thousands of people have taken it and worked through their anxiety successfully. If your anxiety is specific to the wedding transition – meaning it started near the proposal, wedding, or first year of marriage – the Conscious Weddings Course may be for you. However, if you’ve had a lifelong history of anxiety and intrusive thoughts, and your relationship anxiety is pervasive and not specific to the wedding transition, the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety Course is for you.

Is the course religiously affiliated?

The course is not religiously affiliated. However, people of all faiths have taken the course and benefitted enormously from it. In other words, it’s inclusive both of those of faith and those who don’t follow any particular religious or spiritual path.

What if I’m already married?

Relationship anxiety can hit at any time, at any stage of relationship. You can be married for several years and suddenly find yourself questioning whether or not you’re with the “right” partner. Or perhaps the doubt was quietly there all along and then burst into flame seemingly out of the blue. Whatever the specifics of your story, the course will help you make sense of your experience and work through your anxiety so that you don’t have to walk away from a loving, stable relationship.

Can I view the course on an iPad or iPhone? I don't have a computer.

Yes, the course is delivered digitally and is downloadable and viewable on all devices.

What if I'm young? Everyone says I'm too young to commit to one person, so isn't this an anxiety a sign that I'm supposed to leave?

The culture says that you should “play the field” and that if you met in your teens or early 20s, you’re too young to settle down. I hold a different view, as do hundreds of people who have gone through my course and decided to commit or have already committed to their loving partner. Furthermore, if you’ve stumbled upon this work early in your life, you will learn skills and embark on a healing process that will serve you for the rest of your life. You’re one of the lucky ones!

Is the course available in countries outside the United States?

Yes, as long as you can use Paypal you can purchase the course.

I’m already in therapy. How is this different?

This course works beautifully in tandem with good therapy. However, as most therapists aren’t trained in the specifics of relationship anxiety, it’s important to supplement your work in therapy with information and tools that can help you move through this niche area of anxiety. Many people send articles from my site to their therapists, which can support the healing process tremendously. Sadly, I’ve heard countless stories of people’s therapists who respond to the doubt and fear with the dreaded, “Well, maybe that means you shouldn’t be with your partner.” If that’s the case, find a new therapist.

How long do I have access to the course?

You will receive lifetime access to all materials.

How long do I have access to the forum?

You will have two months access to the highly-moderated, highly-populated forum. After two months, you’ll have the option to become a monthly member for $39/mo where you will receive continued access to the forum and a group coaching call with Sheryl (one private session with Sheryl is $295). A great deal of healing occurs in these calls as you connect in real-time with other people struggling with relationship anxiety and have an opportunity to receive guidance directly from Sheryl.


  1. Please can I get the newsletter

    • Do you offer a payment plan?

      • I offer the two-payment option above.

  2. You can sign up on my home page, check the box below the comments section when you leave a comment, or sign up for any of my free offerings.

    • Hello, I’m also having difficulty finding the course. I’ve signed up, paid in full. How long will it take to receive the link?

      • Henry: You should have received login information immediately upon purchase at the email address you used via PayPal. If you haven’t received it, please contact my assistant and she’ll be happy to help: [email protected].

  3. Hi Sheryl,

    I’m having a hard time finding the quiz you mentioned in your email today — could you direct me to it? Thanks for everything!

    • It’s on this page near the top. You need to add your information in the box, confirm your email address, then you’ll be sent the link to the quiz.

  4. Hi Sheryl,

    I honestly can’t wait till this course becomes available. Do you have any information about when I can finally get it? I am located in the UK, but that shouldn’t be a problem since it is all online, right?

    I was in a very bad relationship a couple of years ago that completely ripped my heart out. The guy did some horrible things to me (cheating, lying, long-distance relationship). I was so madly in love with him that I would forgive him all the time and let him continue playing his games with me. Just a tiny bit of information on my backround 😉

    Three years ago I met my now boyfriend, who I have been living with for about 2 years. I love him so , so much but I have been scared for two years with those awful, intrusive thoughts: what if I don’t love him? what if I fall in love with someone else? My love for him has never been a big explosion and butterflies and all that – in fact when I initially met him I wasn’t even that interested. Over the months I was in contact with him I began to really love him and I have now the partner that I actually want to spend the rest of my life with. He has been like a piece of heaven for me, giving me what I have always needed the most: a way to find my own peace.

    However, during all this time i have been fighting intrusive thoughts. Just to give you an example, I am sure most of you go through similar things:

    What if I am just with him because he has been so good to me and because he is such a great guy (especially after the mental abuse and dependency I had on my ex)?
    With him I feel free and so independent, sometimes when he is not at home for a few days I genuinely enjoy myself (something I have never had before, I have always been terrified of being alone) does that mean I don’t really love him?
    My close friend broke up a few days ago with her partner of many, many years because she met another man and realised that he gives her something she didn’t have in the other relationship – What if I know that I am missing something deep down?
    Does the fact that I have been anxious for two years (on and off) show that I actually might not love him?

    As you can see, my list is endless. And that is just the relationship part – I have irrational, horrible anxieties about so many things, regarding my job, about death, my family, my sexuality, doing something awful or illegal one day and all that type of stuff. But I can live with all those, but the one that truly gets me down is the one with my boyfriend.
    I can all recommend you one thing – talk to your partners about it or if you don’t feel comfortable with that, talk to a CBT counsellor. I fight because I know that deep down I love him. That thought is completely gone though when fear takes over, so don’t worry when you don’t feel it right now. It will be there once your fear is not there. And to all of you who found yourself here – the fact that you are scared that you don’t love him/her probably shows how much you actually love him/her. Why would you be afraid if not because losing him/her would make you sad? Like my friend said – if you truly found out that you didn’t love him/her, you would have just left. You wouldn’t be afraid of it, you would actually be relieved. And I know I would because I have been with guys I didn’t love before and I KNOW it feels different, completely different than what I am feeling now. It is like the fear of meeting someone else: If you do, then this will be something that you WANT, and you will be happy with that decision, not afraid of it. It’s a bit difficult to describe this but I hope you understand what I mean!

    And now the final thought that I am sharing with you because it has helped me immensely: This comes from my mother, who I love so much, and who has been happily married for 34 years this week. She always said to me:

    1. Never compare yourself to other people and their relationships. You never know what happens behind closed doors. When my friend told me she broke up I couldn’t believe it, I always thought they were the perfect couple, they had so many hobbies in common, their sex life was apparently great, and they looked so happy together. All those things mean nothing. Their standards are not your standards. They are not you!

    2. What REALLY matters: (On this one also recommend Sheryls Blog “Am I just convincing myself that I love him”? Thank you so much for that, it has helped me realise so much about what REAL love is, Sheryl!)
    My mother is a very practical person. She always said: she knew my father would never be romantic. She knew he is not the rose-sending guy. He would never have “deep” conversations about god and the world. It was never the insane love explosion and euphoria. His family had to flee Germany during the war and go to Hungary, where they lived in a tiny mountain village. Not the most academic, romantic type of person as you can guess! But he could offer her so much that does not sound very fancy: a stable, uncomplicated, no-drama relationship. A dedicated man who would work to feed a family. It was just the down to earth, happy, NORMAL thing. The coming home and just enjoying the other person. A person she just simply likes spending time with(when fear is NOT on the drivers seat). Who makes her laugh. And don’t worry, with that she didn’t mean EVERY day. There will be days that are just bad. Days when you come home and you would rather be alone and watch TV. Days when his presence alone just annoys you. There will always be things you will rather talk to your friend, sibling or granny about, rather than your partner. It is normal.

    It is difficult to put this all together in a structured way – I am writing this down to help myself from the fear I have had in the last few days due to my friends break up, but also to help others.

    So to finish this off: don’t give up, keep fighting it 🙂 ! Don’t walk away from something because you will hope that your fear will go away. Fear is never a good decision maker. The fear of being alone made me stick with my abusive ex – see, not a good decision. once the fear of being alone faded away and I realised that being alone wasn’t going to kill me, I could let go of it and become happy.

    I wish you all my love and to you Sheryl, thank you for being such a wonderful, inspiring person.

    • Thank you for sharing this, Laura. It sounds like you’ve done a lot of great work on yourself. I plan to release the course this Monday, Oct 12. And yes it’s available worldwide as long as you have a Paypal account.

  5. Will you be offering this course again?

    • It’s an ongoing course which means you can sign up at any time.

  6. Hi Sheryl,
    I was so happy that i found your website but wondered will it help my situation. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years. We had a wonderful, loving and happy relationship. He is the person I want to be with forever, we have talked about marriage and made plans togehter. I am very close with his family and he is to mine and it was going perfectly. Then he left abroad and we embarked a long distance relationship, that is when my anxiety began, questioning everything, having doubts, I even got panicked when I felt attraction to someone else, but I felt a horrible guilt but did not act on anything not even talking to the guy. I know to this day that I want to be with my boyfriend he is the most wonderful thing that has happened to me but having these doubts and experiencing these thoughts has made me feel like something is wrong with me. I want things to be the way they were, I want to feel happy again and not feel this like this thinking constantly on whats it going to be like when he comes back in a couple of months. I would be so grateful if you could guide me and help me with one of your courses.

    • Hi Rose – I would strongly recommend this course, Break Free From Relationship Anxiety, as it addresses all of the doubts and panic that you’re struggling with.

  7. Hello Sheryl!

    By the looks of it, I’m going through what SO many others have gone through! Im currently on a working visa in Australia. Ive been pretty serious with my boyfriend. All of a sudden I’ve been feeling anxious, scared, and worried. Ive been overthinking ” do i really love him?” which is dumb because I know Ido, he’s the one for me! we’ve been talking about getting married very soon so I can apply for a spouse visa. We are christians so we can’t really live together first, so our only option is to get married for a visa. It think thats another reason why I’m overwhelmed and overthinking. I go through times where I’m ok, and other times where I’m an anxious worrying disaster! he knows about this, as i tell him everything, currently taking some medication for anxiety as well. Your site is really helping me calm down (as well as my mom and grandma and aunt, they’re saying this is normal!) I will most likely be purchasing this course, I just wanted to say thank you for this program and I cannot wait to start it!

    • Hi Lauren: Welcome to my site and, as you’ve probably already realized from reading through the assessment, you’re in the right place! The course will help you make sense of your relationship anxiety and so much more, whenever you’re ready ;).

      • Hi sheryl,
        Have been suffering from anxiety severely Ffor 5 years. I’ve always doubted if I’ve loved my partner ever since I started getting jealousy issues about other girls, not feelig good enough etc. We broke up for a few months which I was devastated by (he began to resent me after all of my anxiety and accusations). He decided to give it another shot… it feels nice seeing him, I have the urge to kiss and cuddle him but I feel like i have a wall of stone between me and him… always questioning searching do I love him.

        Please help.

        • The wall is fear and the course will help you work through it.

          • Thankyou.. although which course

  8. hi Sheryl,

    I recently found your web site while googling endlessly around questions such as “did i fall out of love” “can you fall back in love” “post honeymoon phase” “relationship anxiety” etc. I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost a year now. I had a lot of doubt in the beginning 2 months of us dating as I just couldn’t feel that “excitement” I had felt in other past relationships in the same time and I worried I should just listen to my “gut” and get out. I couldn’t make any sense of it, why couldn’t i feel that “excitement”? Was it because it was easy and he was too available or was there genuinely something missing? However, I kept wanting to try as this person had everything I had ever looked for and more. He was highly intelligent, compassionate, genuine, generous,successful, full of interests & knowledge, we had great physical intimacy and above all we wanted the same things long term and had the same values. He really was the full package and what I would want in a husband. I had never met anyone like him with as much to offer. For every 1 date where I was excited about the possibilities, there were 3-4 where I was plagued by over-analyzing feelings and doubt. After a few months I started to feel the longing and some sparks. It was a slow process but ultimately it developed into what was head over heels in-love and the feelings lasted a solid 6 months. I pictured my whole life with him. There were days I didn’t feel the passion or the “in-love” feelings but I assumed this to be normal. That feelings and relationships ebb and flow. I didn’t let these days of doubt get to me, I just accepted them and “knew” an “in love” day was just around the corner. The doubts and concern I had were fleeting because ultimately there were enough head over heels in love days to compensate. However, 6-8 weeks ago I woke up and something was different. First it was a not so “in love” day but then the days persisted. I wasn’t having an “in love” day to compensate and I started to worry..”2 weeks without sparks”, something must be wrong. I’ve experienced this path with other relationships. In fact, I’ve had over analyzing feelings and periods of downness in almost all my other relationships (including this one). That lack of feeling led me down a path of “i’m just not in love anymore”, “maybe it was never real”, “is the honeymoon phase over”, “it’s suppose to be easy” to the point where I became so anxious and depressed all I could feel was negativity and like the relationship was over. I couldn’t eat, sleep, or function normally. I convinced myself I had fallen in love with the idea of my boyfriend, rather than him as it seemed the most logical, even if it wasn’t true. Somehow I managed to push through the pain (despite a 10 day period of my “gut” saying to end things because of the anxiety and depression I felt) and with positive thinking and calmness I managed to regain the “in love feelings” for a good 2-3 weeks. I still found myself over-analyzing my feelings (as I always do) but in general I felt good. But then I started to worry,I was feeling calm and “happy”, but was it real and genuine? The fact I had such a dark period filled with anxiety and depression for an elongated period of time didn’t seem normal. Was I just brushing my feelings away? Was there truth to why the anxiety/depression period happened? Is this normal? Am I actually happy? Am I forcing things? And just like that I went through the same spiral as I had a month ago where I started to pick a part the days that weren’t filled with “in love feelings” and all my biggest fears about our relationship came back (it’s never been real, I forced things, it’s just not right, we don’t have the right connection, I’m trying to convince myself). I’m now back in that anxious depressed place feeling hopeless that for whatever reason “he’s not the one” because my gut is saying so, because I’m in a huge amount of pain and it shouldn’t be like this. I search for answers and my latest one is that his personality maybe just isn’t exciting enough or interesting enough, maybe that’s the issue…maybe we’re just not a match and I don’t feel energized by him. Nevertheless, I can still remember days in my ever clouded brain where I was so happy doing nothing with him and felt so connected. Other than my current theory that “I don’t love him”, our relationship is perfect: We don’t fight, we communicate really well, we tell each other everything and are so honest, we are supportive of each other, we always want to try new things for the other, we do lots of fun activities, we have great physical intimacy, I am close with his family, we have immense trust, we talk about the future and want the same things, we get each other, we are loving. But maybe that isn’t enough? Maybe the core foundation isn’t there? Do I need more? Do I need to feel more alive in our relationship? Is a lack of aliveness even the issue or is that another theory I just invented?

    I really don’t want to let what could be my husband slip away and the best relationship I’ve ever been in, but I keep wondering about your “million dollar question”? Do I follow my gut because of the sheer unhappiness in my emotions or do I take your course and determine the issue is me?

    Any advice is greatly appreciated.

    • Have you taken the free quiz? Every single concern you’ve listed here is addressed there. You could walk away, but I can almost guarantee you that you would find yourself in the same place with the next available partner, so you may as well work it out now. If you join the course you’ll be amazed to see yourself reflected all over it, and you will be giving yourself the biggest gift you could give in terms of your self-awareness, healing, and of course, not letting a great relationship slip away.

      • I have taken the quiz and was able to check off multiple boxes. My biggest fear is that my gut feeling is so strong for a reason…2 rounds of debilitating anxiety and depression, doubt in the beginning, there must be something wrong. It’s like I forget all the amazing positive feelings I’ve experienced in this relationship. I have trouble getting back there because I have this constant knot in my stomach that this isn’t it, the connection isn’t right. Objectively though, there is nothing wrong in our relationship. It’s near perfect- minus a lack of feeling over the past while of being “drawn, in-love” and this leading to feelings of intense sadness and anxiety that this isn’t it, and then convincing hypothesis that he can’t energize me enough (PS i have tons of energy as is). My question ultimately- can this course really remove the “gut” feeling and make me feel confident this is the person I want to spend my life with and is right for me?

        • “My question ultimately- can this course really remove the “gut” feeling and make me feel confident this is the person I want to spend my life with and is right for me?” Yes ;). Of course it’s not a magic pill, which means you have to commit to doing the work and understand that it takes time to re-wire your thoughts, feeling and belief systems that are preventing you from moving forward, but with time, attention, and patience, you will find your clarity and confidence.

          • Thanks Sheryl, really appreciate the direct and timely responses. I’m not willing to say goodbye to such a wonderful person or live with this crippling anxiety full of doubts. Perhaps taking the course will help me re-wire my thoughts as to what is actually needed to make me happy, perhaps the answer isn’t feeling more alive or “intense in love all the time” Really hoping 🙂

  9. Hi Sheryl, does the course cost more because i live in Australia?

  10. Hi! First: I was so happy and relieved when I found this page, thank you. There is still one thing I’ve been thinking of: I have read some of the stories on this page, from people who have worked through the e-course, and it seems like everyone says they had to learn a new kind of love, a more real love? I experienced really bad anxiety and suddenly loosing all feelings for my boyfriend the day we moved in together. My biggest fear is that I will never get the same feelings back, and never feel as in-love as I did. It was the best time of my life. I dont like the thought of having to learn to love my boyfriend in an other way, because I am so obsessed with getting back exactly what I had before. Do I have to just accept that those feelings are gone forever? It makes me feel so sad, and it makes me feel a bit scared of doing the e-course…

    • And how’s that working for you: obsessively trying to get back the same feelings you had before. I ask that with love…

  11. When does the course start?

    • It’s an ongoing, self-guided course, which means you can sign up at any time.

  12. Do you think that the self guided courses work as well?

    • Absolutely. For many people they’re preferable as there’s no time pressure. Keep in mind that even though they’re “self-guided”, because there are so many videos it’s very much like I’m there guiding you through the process.

  13. Hi Sheryl,
    Finding your website has given me a sense of relief and hope – I took the assessment and I’m keen to sign up for the course but I’m wondering if it’s still suitable because my situation is slightly different to being in a relationship and just doubting my feelings.

    I actually broke up with my boyfriend a month ago because we were planning to move in but due to his financial situation (which I always knew about) I realised it wouldn’t be possible – in our time together he had tried to fix things but hadn’t fixed them fast enough and my opinion of how he was dealing with the issues was causing arguments. Other than this we had a very happy relationship, keeping this brief we have now decided after a month apart (but speaking most days, longest we went without speaking was around 3 days) that we will take our relationship ‘back to basics’ while he sorts his finances, he has made some very positive steps towards doing this, I know he wants to sort things out and I know we both want the same things in our future. My problem is now we are back together I’m doubting if things will ever change, have I jumped back in too soon, what if I get hurt again, what if there’s a problem other than money that I didn’t see before, what if I’m only back with him because of how much I was hurting about letting him go? When we were apart my head was clear about wanting him back or wanting him to cut contact if he didn’t want me back, why now we are trying again am I so unsure.

    So I guess my issue is that as well as the relationship anxiety, I have anxiety about the overall situation. Do you think the course can still help me with this?

    • Yes, the course will benefit you enormously. While there are real issues with the finances, your list of “what-ifs” above indicate classic relationship anxiety. You’re in the right place.

  14. Relationship anxiety is… to have your mind constantly scrutinize your relationship and your partner from every possible angle.

    Relationship anxiety is… to feel your body constantly tense and anxious around your partner as you are so fixated on how you are feeling or should be.

    Relationship anxiety is… wondering if you wouldn’t be better off alone, even though a relationship is all you’ve ever wanted, and your partner more than you could ever have dreamed of.

    Relationship anxiety is… having thoughts like ‘I need to break up with him now’ at crazily inappropriate moments like while he is being rushed to hospital in an ambulance, as this is the only way your mind has learned to deal with the searing anxiety of losing him.

    Courage is… refusing to turn and run in the midst of excruciating anxiety, even when it feels like it’s ripping out your insides.

    Courage is… refusing to listen to the endless chatter of your mind as it spews out reason after reason why you should leave your partner.

    Courage is… trusting in the deepest part of yourself that knew, long before the anxiety ever hit, that this person with whom you are STILL CHOOSING to do life with, is the best thing that has ever happened to you.

    • YES to every word. Thank you for sharing your wisdom here.

    • Such a wonderful piece! Exactly how I feel most mornings when I wake up to my partner… It’s constant stress and obsessing and it even after wanting it for 7 years…

    • It’s been almost 3 years since you wrote these words. I have just discovered them and i could have written them myself! Going through this website is giving me so mcuh hope. I think I will registering for this course very soon because i cannot stand that constant anxiety anylonger and it’s eating up my relationship. We’ve been together almost 11 years and married for over 2! I know he is everything I was looking for in a life partner and yet I am so confused. Thank you everyone for being so honest and sincere and telling it as it is, far from all the glossy magazine stories I was virtually raised on.

    • Wow this is beautiful. How are you doing now? Thank you for your words.

  15. I have recently just had an emotional break down because my boyfriend was away with training for his work and it was the second week in of he’s training and I was feeling very anxious and stressed out, I was starting to question everything about our relationship. “Is he right for me ” Do I really love him, “is this the person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” I was feeling scared and a really bad knot feeling in my stomach for some unknown reason. I know that recently there was a new guy that started at my work & he was flirting with me. And maybe I was wondering were the spark is gone. But I’ve been with my partner for 3 years and everything has been perfect. But My partner has never done anything wrong to me , he’s my best friend, he’s funny, he supports me, he loves me, he’s the one I tell everything to and he knows a lot things I have never told anyone. I know At times he can be annoying and sometimes it makes me want to hate him. But I wouldn’t change him at all.
    So he has come back home now and it’s good to have him home, we’ve had sexual activities and it was great. But has a few days has gone on I still feel every nervous and anxious and it’s making me feel very ill and I’m struggling to eat, I can’t sleep properly and having bad nightmares of hurt my anxiety is really bad. All I feel like doing is laying on the lounge the whole day, I don’t have an energy. I’ve been to the doctors for a blood test and to see what’s wrong with me, I’ve been told i got stress and I’m moderate depressed.
    My boyfriend has been helping me through this so and trying to understand why all this is happening and i am very greatful. But I can’t get this feeling away and it’s so frustrating.

    • You’ve found your way to the right place. Please read through all posts and consider the e-course when you’re ready.

  16. Hi Sheryl,

    I am about to buy this course but once I click the purple button, site directly takes me to the paypa before signing in or opening an accountl. Since I will be paying with my husbands’ bank card I wonder what the next step is after the payment? Will I get all the materials through email?, or some other way? In other words there is no place to register under my name to make sure I receive the materials.

    • Hi Lili: After you purchase the course please contact my assistant, Tina, at [email protected] so she can make sure the course material is sent to you.

      • Thank you. I just made the payment. I will email Tina now.

  17. hey Sheryl,
    Im in a 3.5 year relationship. We have just broken up recently. After the first year, i began to become controlling, jealous and quite angry. I have my own issues with anxiety and depression and he was the best thing that ever happened ot me and i think i became very obssesive and jealous at time. My personality is a lot stronger and more dominant than his anyway as he is quite introvert compared to me so i have seemed to take the role of being over controlling. I also dont trust easily and i take betrayal very badly and he has terrible issues with lying. Lots of things down to taking drugs, watching porn, texting certain people, and also just his general feelings and opinions, hes been scared to be himself and has always just agreed with me and gone with what i want as im so controlling. Yes i feel awful and i realise i have big issues here. I had an awful childhood and hes the first person to love me properly, al thos sort of things have made me become this not nice person. 🙁 But also, he has always been very secretive, shady and lack of confidence, he is a people pleaser and doesnt speak up and also aways too scared to admit things and tell the truth, he is a big liar a lot of the time and has destroyed my trust worst than ever, so we both have done wrong, but i guess my overall attitude has not made it easy for him, even though hes always been untrustworthy and irresponsible even before we met, he has been babied massivley and never had to take any responsiblity, his mum always babied and fixed and was so soft with him, whereas i had the opposite and i had to be very tough and care for myself. we are extreme opposites in that way. so he irritates the hell out of me and i often feel like he is not a real man, just a mummys boy and i havent always been very nice along the way, regretfully 🙁 Anyway it got to the point about 6months befor we broke up, where he developed a bad anxiety issue around me he was always on edge, very nervous and scared to speak, look around, or much else. i tried to be nice and reassure, but then id lose it at time also and have major anger and rage outburtst (i have hormones imbalance too which makes me rage often) 🙁 So now it really is a mess and so damaged, he is scared of me, i dont know how to fix it. Plus i often feel anxious and unsure about us, wondering if we are a good match? however, as bad as this all sounds, we are very special together and have a deep emotional connection and are deeply in love always have been, i wish i can calm down and soften somewhat and learn to accept more that he is more sensitive and soft than i am (apart from the lying, i wont stand for that) and hi malso to man up a little and be more open and repsonsible. We are both plagued with anxiety about the other at the moment and so unsure about how to fix this and if we should be together or if the damage is too much. i think we can fix with some guicdance, but im very worried about how its turned out. we are really in love though, just anxious, i am very anxious wondering if he really is man enough for me and im attracted enough, as i often see him as little boy, whereas i am very mature and independant- he is not. (i am 26 hes 28).
    I have actually just purchased the break free from relationship anxiety course to help as i feel like me being so unsure all the time makes me more angry and irritated towards him, as i find it hard to access my love these days and he thinks i am very nasty and scary and finds it hard to access his love too. but deep down we are so in love! do you think this can help us? Also the trust is very bad which again makes me more angry, should we deal with that separately as an individual issue? I literally dont believe a word he says and as sweet as he is he aso has a devious and cruel side when he lies to me so badly knowing it destroys me. What do you think? Thanks so much x

    • What happened with you?
      Did Sheryl answer you?

  18. Hello Sheryl,

    I was in a previous 4 year long relationship that included an almost 2 year engagement. I practically begged him to propose and literally the minute he did, I was over come with gut-wrenching anxiety. I dealt with anxiety for the duration of the relationship and due to some things and realizations he had come to personally, we called off the engagement and the relationship on a whole. In retrospect, I’m so thankful and I have confidence that it was the correct decision.

    Now, I have been in an incredible relationship with a wonderful man for just over a year. He is hilarious, supportive, consistent, when he says something-he does it, and over-all we just seem to have this effortless functionality. I love him and our life together. For the first 11.5 months of being together, it was wonderful and I had vowed to myself since day one that we would handle things a day at a time and not fret about the future or where we are going the next step etc. I was even comfortable enough to move in with him at about 10 months. (a BIG deal for me!) At the 11.5 month mark I woke up one morning and was consumed with anxiety out of no where!!

    I keep making exit strategies in my head or trying to think about how I could live without him (which I DO NOT want!!) On top of that, I have guilt about the way I feel, thinking he deserves someone who can just be happy without the complications I have.

    My question is: Which e-course would provide the most applicable solutions for me?

    Already I feel a sense of relief over reading the comments/testimonials. Who knew there were so many people who could understand my heart?!

    Thank you!

    • I’m so glad you found your way here. Yes, just the testimonials alone are enough to bring relief and remove a layer of shame. I would recommend the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety E-Course, and I have no doubt that you will benefit from it enormously. Keep us posted ;).

  19. Hi Sheryl,

    I’ve taken the assessment, and read through many of your blogs, but I haven’t yet found anything similar to my current case of anxiety.

    My boyfriend and I have been dating for 2.5 years, and we plan to get engaged soon, and marry early next year. I know that this is the person I want to be with for the rest of my life. Recently, a very tragic event happened in my family, which then caused me to become fearful in my relationship. It started off as being fearful of being attracted to other people. Then it moved to, “Do I really love him? Have I ever loved him?” The fear became so overwhelming that I was unable to remember any happiness at all.

    This is my main problem right now. After moving past the fears of love, I started to get panicky again about being attracted to other people. And I know that this is mentioned in your blog, but I’ve began to think that, “Well if I just enjoy the thoughts, then they won’t be so bad.” This thought terrifies me! Now, every time I see somebody, whether they’re attractive or not, I force myself to think weird thoughts of physical attraction. I’ve become so fearful of liking the thoughts of attraction towards others, that I force myself to have them. I feel like I’m ruining everything in my relationship, and just want to know how to get this to go away!

    Do you have any blog posts that talk about this very thing? What do you think it could be? Is this at all normal?

    I plan on purchasing the Break Free course, but I’m not sure if all of my issues will be addressed in the course (or if I have a more serious problem).

    I’d love to hear from you!

    • 100% normal and addressed in depth in the course. You’re just describing another intrusive thought and the invitation here is to learn how to work with your thoughts for the first time in your life. I hope you dive in soon so that you can bring relief and true healing to your mind and heart.

  20. Hi Sheryl , I i was just wondering if it’s normal after such a long time of anxiety that the anxiety goes away but the thoughts don’t . I think that’s what scares me the most because even without the gut renching anxiety all day 24/7 from the moment I wake up to the moment I sleep i think about the past, when anxiety first hit . How much I hurt him tellin him this . Feeling like maybe I’m to young and I’m never gonna get over this . How I love him but what if I’m not in love . Just thought after thought and it sucks cause it gives me anxiety thinking well maybe it is true cause the thoughts won’t leave my mind and I’ve become kind of numb . Would u say it’s just from the anxiety so next come intrusive thoughts?

  21. Intrusive thoughts are another form of anxiety, and the healing path is to learn how to work to your thoughts in a loving way. I teach this in depth in the course.

  22. Hi,

    i have recently came across your blog and im glad to see im not the only one dealing with this! i have been in a relationship for the last 8 years to a amazing man who is all i could ever ask for, to him i am his princess. for the last year and a bit i have been questioning silly things like ” do i love him” ‘what if we get amrried and i want a divorce’ ‘ what if he isnt right for me’ and so on and so forth. My thoughts and anxiety comes like a wave, up and down. rollacoaster that i cant seem to get off. I no deep down in my heart that i wont ever find anyone like him, he is kind, caring and will be the best life partner and father to our children i could imagine.
    I feel numb at times and dont feel happy about anything. i have tired soo many different things like councelling ect but all seem to be as if im too fearful of what they will say to me. It all started when i mad a mistake in our realtionship about 3 years ago, he forgave me but it took me along time to forgive myself and i was soo anxious i was going to loose him through the process, i couldnt eat, i would be crying all day! i was hands down just so misrable! then all of a sudden my friend asked me “why did you do that, do you even love him?!’ it all started from there, i asked myself that question over and over up until today were i still ask myself the same things! i sometimes look at him and question his attractiveness.
    Is this normal? how can i change my mind by being asked one question!? Someone please tell me whats going on!

    • This is exactly what the course addresses in great depth! I hope you’ll dive in.

  23. Hi Sheryl!
    I am so happy I found your website, it has been the one site that has given me some light during this dark time I am having. I have struggled with peaks and valleys of anxiety and depression the majority of my life however, it definitely reaches an intense high when it comes to my relationship. My troubles with anxiety and depression have always come in waves as long as I can remember. It’s to the point where I will reach an extremely high happiness for days, weeks, or even months and then all in one swing, I will be debilitated by the negative and anxious things I feel and think. These dark feelings and thoughts will in turn consume me making me feel hopeless, panicky, and just overall unhappiness. These feelings in turn, effect my relationship in ways I do not want. I have been with the most wonderful man for about 3 years now. He is the most loving, stable, affectionate, and supportive person I have ever been with. He never questions anything in his life especially when it comes to our relationship. This of course, naturally sends me into an anxiety ridden downward spiral. I immediately hate myself for questioning or allowing my mind to go in such a wild negative direction while he is just so happy with me and our relationship. Deep down, I know I am happy and I love and adore the person he is. I find myself not having as big of issues with the physical aspect, but more so the mental and emotional aspect. My heart knows I love him, yet my thoughts and my mind hinder my relationship experience because I am so caught up in the “what if” and “am I in the right relationship?” thoughts. It puts a pit in my stomach and makes me almost sick to think about. I noticed that this all started developing a few months ago. Out of nowhere, my boyfriend and I both started this pattern of arguing and bickering particularly when out with friends or in other social settings while drinking. This has never been an issue with us up until recent months and I know that this is when the anxiety and depression began its wave of intensity essentially taking over my life and my thoughts pertaining to my relationship in particular. It’s comforting knowing that there are other people out there who struggle with similar thoughts and feelings, however it saddens me to realize that I don’t know how to get over it or move on from how I feel. It also saddens me because we always have had such a loving relationship with wonderful communication and NEVER exchanging hurtful words– especially when out having a good time together! I think all of that has basically scarred me in a way making me unsure, doubtful, anxious, and extremely sad. I don’t know if this is normal … Or if I should worry and accept that my relationship may not be fixable. My boyfriend and I both communicate still tremendously and he knows how I have been feeling lately and has been trying to help me work through it. I know that when I give the thoughts and feelings attention, they intensify to the point where I don’t know how I’m going to go on or how it will ever get better without us breaking up. That’s not what I want, and I know that’s not what he wants whatsoever. I just want to go back to having my amazing healthy relationship back with no negative thoughts weighing on me every day. What would you suggest I do? Are these feelings normal? Can we overcome them and get back to our relationship? Is it positive I am at least feeling something rather than feeling nothing at all?
    Thank you for any feedback! It is all beyond appreciated.

    • Your relationship is definitely fixable! In fact, there’s nothing to fix; there’s only a wonderful opportunity to learn about yourselves as a couple and as individuals. Yes, giving the thoughts and feelings ineffective attention will fuel the first. The key is to learn to work with them effectively, which is what this course will teach you in depth. Quick piece of advice: Stop drinking! It exacerbates anxiety and can cause conflict even when there’s nothing to argue about. Countless clients and e-course members have noticed a dramatically positive difference in their lives when they reduce alcohol consumption or eliminate it completely:

  24. I have rOCD. I go thru periods of constant doubt for the love of my partner and then I have a few days of happiness and then my mind goes back to constant doubt. Will this work?

    • That’s exactly what the course is designed to address.

  25. Hello Sheryl,
    I am currently saving up to take this course but have one question. Your blog posts and the testimonials on your site have helped me tremendously, but the one part of my experience that I have not seen reflected is a lack of sexual desire/chemistry. Which, as you can imagine, has only fueled my relationship anxiety tremendously.

    In the beginning I was more open to being intimate even though I didn’t feel a great chemistry, but as time has gone on (3.5 years) I’ve lost my desire completely.

    I am seeing a therapist for this, but my question is does this course address this sort of situation at all? Or is there a specific blog entry you could direct me towards?

    Anyone else going through this/been through this??

    Thank you for all your help!

    • Hi Chrissy,

      Lack of sexual desire is a VERY common symptom of relationship anxiety, and it’s addressed in depth in the course. If you join the course and the private forum you’ll find many, many members who are struggling with this same issue, and many who have successfully worked through it and are finding their way toward embodied sexuality.


  26. Sheryl,
    I read on your red flags article and said unhealed trust issues or betrayal is a red flag. My boyfriend has done a lot of things in the past where I lost my trust for him completely but then I wanted to give him a chance to prove to me that I could start trusting him again, and he’s been so generous and caring.

    All I’m thinking about is,”He’s going to do it again. He can’t be trusted because of what he’s done to you in the past already. You can’t love him if you’re thinking like this. You never loved him to begin with.” But I do trust him now more than ever because he’s so supportive of my relationship anxiety and is willing to do anything he can to help me. But I feel like the stuff he did in the past affects my relationship anxiety. I feel like I haven’t actually been able to fully recover from the pain he caused me in the past but I do trust him and I want to let the past go.

    How would I go about doing that? Does this mean I have to leave because it’s considered a “red flag?”

    My anxiety spiked when I read that because I feel like I’m having trouble dealing with the past but I want to be happy with him because I really do care and love him and I know I can trust him but there’s always that voice That tries to remind me what he’s done so I worry and leave.

    This doesn’t mean I have to leave him, though, right? Because, really, the last thing I want to do is leave. I really want to work things out with him.

    • I mean, he’s really changed. It’s me who can’t let go of the past because I was always anxious about everything and it made me worry about everything. And he’s even willing to make things work with me and explain some of the things he did in the past and I’m terrified once he does, I’ll still be anxious and won’t be able to let go. I guess that’s just anxiety, isn’t it?

    • You don’t need to leave, Ariana. Broken trust is only a red-flag if the person who broke trust isn’t willing to take actions toward repair. It sounds like your boyfriend is more than willing to earn your trust back, which is wonderful. Is he willing to go to couples’ therapy with you? It might only take a few sessions for the two of you to learn how to communicate what you’re needing in order to make the repairs necessary for you to feel safe again.

      • He is willing to go to couples therapy with me but I can’t even talk to him about this yet because I don’t see him much. That’s the another reason why this is so hard. I’ve spent 2 years living like Romeo and Juliet. 19 and he’s 17, haven’t been able to be together and its still like that. I’m having so much trouble with this because I really want to talk to him in person about this but I can’t until he turns 18.

  27. Dear Sheryl, during the last year I have developed relationship anxiety and general anxiety that has been shifting from one thing to another. Me and my fiance should start living together this year buuut our financial situation is not so good so we are still living with our parents which I don´t like. He would rather have me move in with him and his family and save money so that we can move out in the future and I would rather like us to rent a flat together now, even if that means that we´ll basically be in a financially hard situation. How to we fix this problem and prevent it from turning into a screaming red flag that would destroy or this is something that is irreconcilable? I appreciate your answer!

  28. Hi Sheryl,

    I’m so glad to have found your page. After suffering with this for Months and scouring the Internet for answers I don’t know how I didn’t find it sooner! It’s such a relief to hear people going through the same as me and having the exact same thoughts and doubts and still being able to work things out with their partner! I’m 25 years old and always suffered with anxiety, low self esteem and a very overactive mind. 2 years ago i met the man of my dreams. After being hurt and treated badly in past relationships I couldn’t believe my luck when I met my man. He’s so kind, caring, honest, loyal supportive and just a beautiful person who loves me unconditionally and treats me like a princess. We had so much fun together and I truly had never felt love like it. I had no doubt in my mind that he would be my husband and father to my children. I’ve never felt that way before. However a few months back my whole world fell apart over night. I decided to move in with him and literally lost my head on the first night. I didn’t know how to explain it i didn’t know how I felt about him anymore I kept telling myself that it can’t be right, that he’s not the one. I always knew I loved him. He’s pretty amazing it’s kind of hard not to. I couldn’t be around him and feared being with him because of the over whelming feelings/thoughts/doubts I had when I was with him. Constantly comparing to how different it was from before. I decided to call a break with my partner because I was so confused of what these feelings were. I was so ill. I couldn’t eat, sleep or think straight and was constantly sick. I couldn’t leave th house to even go to work. It broke his heart which destroyed me even more. And it broke my heart to. There was just no reason at all for this to happen he treated me so well! We had a great sex life, had great communication, supported and loved each other 100%. I started seeing a life coach who identified the fact that I didn’t have enough variety in my life which I agreed. I got so caught up in my amazing relationship that I stopped doing anything for myself eg. Seeing friends etc he said that I had made my partner my whole life when it’s healthier when he’s just part of my life. He said he thinks we had to much to soon and that’s why he thinks it happened to me. During our break up although we still spoke, met up sometimes I decided to work on myself. Made some new friends, took dance lessons and created a new weekly routine for myself and it made me feel great. Although I always longed that I would feel differently and would end up with my partner again someday. Recently we started seeing each other again. I’ve put it off for so long because I just couldn’t bare to hurt him or put him through that again. I love him so much and I just always feel that he deserves better. Everything was going great for a few weeks I was so happy I’d finally cracked it I was falling in love all over again. But I was wrong. Something triggered off my thoughts again one day in work and it’s just taking over my life again. Constant anxiety, over analysing every little thing about him. Constantly asking myself questions like maybe I don’t love him? Maybe I love him but I’m not in love with him? Maybe he’s just not the right one and I should leave him to get on with his life? Do I even find him attractive? When I know deep down that I love him completely. Now when I’m with him I can’t let myself enjoy the time we spend together because I’m so over run by fear of me hurting him, him not being the right one and it not working out. And an overwhelming feeling of guilt. I desperately just want these feelings to go away so I can give our relationship another try! Everything was going so well. But I know unless I get help I’m just going to make myself Ill again and I will loose him for good. And I don’t want that because although I’m young as people keep telling me I just think there’s definitely something worth saving with us. And I really think if I could just relax, get rid of these thoughts and just enjoy the time we spend together things would totally work out! And that’s the most annoying thing about it. I feel like I’m ruining something for myself that has the potential of being something so special. Do you think we have a chance? I can’t bear the thought of him having what we had with somebody else. I just hope I can do this. I would love to hear back from you. Thank you.

    • Yes, you absolutely have a chance, but you must do the inner work to contain your anxiety and learn to work with your thoughts. This course would be ideal for you in every way.

  29. I have started your course, but I have a question. My boyfriend is someone I knew a few years ago and we’ve been dating about 3 months. I’ve had this anxiety from the beginning, but he’s been very sure from the beginning that I am the one for him. I can see he is head over heels in love with me (or something close to that), which you say is not real love. Does that mean he doesn’t really love me? Or will fall out of love with me at some point?

    • A classic question from the anxious mind ;). You don’t need to worry about that; just focus on your own anxiety and trust that, as you work through your fear, the relationship will flourish.

  30. If someone was on antidepressant/anxiety medication, would you suggest getting off of it to deal with the anxiety at it’s root? Could the anxiety come back if you are on it while going through the program and you get off of it at a later date?

    • It depends how long you’ve been on medication and what dose you’re on. I do not recommend getting off meds cold turkey, but highly suggest a gentle weaning process supported by a skilled naturopath. You don’t have to get off meds to deal with anxiety at its root. That said, most people find that when they commit themselves to this work they are able to get off meds eventually.

  31. Hi Sheryl,

    I found your website last week as I was googling, “How to know if your partner is the one?” and many other questions. I have been in a relationship with my boyfriend for nearly three years. I have been talking about marrying him for at least the last two years- we even picked my ring back in the summer of 2015. Everything has been absolutely great- except a few months ago I had my first intrusive though- Am I attracted to him? I grew up always being “guy crazy” and I think I always told myself I wanted a tall, dark and handsome guy. My boyfriend is bald, which is something that I think bugs me deep down.. even though he is handsome and hair is such a small thing to worry about. I would find myself comparing him to other guys, or even myself looking at a good looking guy with a different look and wondering if that is the type of guy I would have been with. My boyfriend is my first everything, so I think a lot of how I have been feeling could be related to me being scared… I was able to push that intrusive thought of his looks behind me, up until last week the thought came back, but it came back with a vengeance. I not only thought “Am I attracted to him?”, I though “Do I really love him?”, “Am I only with him because I am afraid to be alone, or because I wanted to be married before I was 30?” (I am 30 in two years).. I started to actually question how I feel about him..thinking about the past and then trying to picture us in the future. It got to the point where I would start to feel anxious around him. I ended up going to my first counselling session last week (the counsellor was able to gather that I compare myself and him to others- always worried about others opinions, and that I am always looking for approval from my mother(. I felt great after the session, but that night I saw my boyfriend and the anxiety kicked in full force and scared me. I then decided with the help of my mom that maybe “some time off” would help.. it last two days… I thought I was healed from reading a couple of chapter out of an anxiety book… I thought about him the whole two days and I would get anxious, but was able to combat the anxious with some happy thoughts of us. Well, I saw him aftr the two days and the anxiety came back when I saw him (which I was petrified would happen). I then told him I needed more time.. but this time to be more of an official “break”… that was last night… and today was the hardest day of my life. EVery time I thought of the word “break” I would immediately start to cry… I love this man soo much, I can see myself with him, but why am I questioning everything now? Why did this have to happen to me? My relationship with him was perfect.. and now all I am worried and scared is that through counselling or some time a part that I am going to discover that I did in fact not love him… even though I do. Please help.. I don’t know what to do.. and I am losing myself. He is perfect and I know I should focus on myself and not worry about him, but every time I do I immediately start to cry and I get anxious again. Please help, Sheryl!!

    • I see that you took the plunge and purchased the course. You’re on your way to relief and true healing. Welcome aboard ;).

  32. Hello! I’ve considered joining a course for some time now. I just have one question – can I benefit from it even if I don’t have the anxiety right now and just feel like I don’t love him like I used to for some reason… Not excited to spend time with him or make plans together (especially a plant to move in in the house with his mother although we are at good terms). We are engaged and I feel stupid, I don’t want to “convince” myself anything, it should be what I want (both marriage or a breakup) and not something that I convince myself to do. What do you think? Thanx in advance!

    • Anxiety is a blanket term that includes all the ways that we create barriers to love, and can include indifference, numbness, boredom, doubting, ambivalence, and nothingness. The course is designed to help you find your clarity which, for most people, results in staying in a loving relationship, but either way you’ll choose from a clear mind and open heart.

  33. Dear Sheryl, You said that it is not a red flag if partners don’t share the same interests/hobbies… So I was wondering how can I keep my calm and not start panicking because I love fitness and sports and my partner is not that kind of person at all. I feel bad when I get in shape and find him less physically attractive and thus less sexually appealing (even after almost a decade of dating). Is there anything I could do to change that, given that that is not a red flag? Thank you

    • Do you find him more sexually appealing when you’re not in shape?

      • Odd question, I don’t know… When I’m not going to the gym I disconnect from the fitness world and pay no attention to the physical appearances. When I go regularly and spend time with people who care about their bodies and look good, than I begin to notice that my boyfriend has gained weight or is leading a less healthier lifestyle. I try to talk him into being more active but it’s just not his thing but he encourages me to do it… And at times I find myself rebelling and not going to gym because “Why would I sweat, work hard and look good while you sit at home eating rubbish food”… If that makes any sense. That just sounds mean :/

        • No, that doesn’t sound mean at all. This is an EXTREMELY common area of focus for women about their partners, so you’re far from alone here. The reason I asked the question is because often our focus on our partner is more a projection than a true need and speaks to other issues inside of us that need attention. To answer your original question, this is not a red flag and it will be addressed in the course.

  34. Thank you so much for answering! Have a great day!

  35. Hi, I’m happy I found this site, as it’s certainly calmed many of my feelings of “Terminal Uniqueness” 🙂 However, I can’t find an answer to my one lingering question. Should I tell my fiance I’m considering taking this course? He knows all about my issues (which I now have a fancy new name for; i.e. Relationship Anxiety) and has watched me waffle back and forth over the course of the past 8 months we’ve been engaged. Needless to say, I doubt he’d be shocked when I tell him that I’m thinking of doing this e-course. He claims to be totally free of all questions, doubt, plaguing insanity, panic, dread, fear, etc. I should be grateful that he’s so dedicated to me/us, but sometimes I feel even more alone because we’re on such different pages. Blah blah blah…the real question: should I tell him I’m involved with this community or keep it from him?

    • It’s really up to you. Some people choose to share and others choose to keep it private. If you don’t think your fiancé would have a problem with it, it can be helpful to share it with him so that he has a better understanding of what you’re struggling with.

  36. Dear Sheryl, is it normal to have toughts about the ex although we broke up over 7 years ago. Sometimes i feel like I miss him and catch myself searching him on Fb and spying to see what he’s up to. That makes me sad because I doesn’t feel right to do that since I’m engaged… I have dreams about him, too. He was my biig love and I was infatuated with him to the bone. Why do I still care after all this time? My therapist said that It’d normal, the toughts, wondering, dreams… But I can’t help but wonder will it be like this forever? I really wouldn’t want that. I am struggling with anxiety and feel like that is not normal to think aubot the ex after so many years. Ot ist is? But people don’t talk about it?

    • It’s normal. So normal, in fact, that there’s an entire section on The Ex in the course ;).

  37. Dear Sheryl,
    I’m afraid… in constant doubt about anything. Found your lovely site and was “hooked” ever since because it addressed everything I was going through and then I stumbled upon some mean comments on a random forum, stating that you publish only positive comments and good experiences and filter those more critical and “real”. Could you tell me something? I want to join but I’m scared 🙁

    • The only comments I filter are from one particular troller who comments on my character, not on my work. She leaves 1-2 comments a year and, of course, there’s no reason to approve her comments as she’s mean-spirited and her intentions are subversive. I assure you that you’re in safe and good hands here ;).

      • How rude!What I read was basically someone feeling sorry for our husbands who are living in a lie since we struggle with doubt even through marriages… wow

        • If more people were honest about their doubt we would probably have a lower divorce rate ;).

  38. Dear Sheryl, could it be a red flag or can it be fixed – the bad feelings I have when my partner’s not around. I loved him dearly but because of the nature of his job he has to work over 8 hours and I only get to see him in the morning and evening when we’re pretty run down which makes me kind of sad during the day and I sometimes start to blame him and so on. Is there something I could do, taken that he can’t change the job now? Thank you!

      • Oh, definitely! We do not fight at all, it is I who is being anxious and struggling with what ifs and anxiety. And in our small country in Europe, we do not have EFT therapists… Is there an online version available or would this course help me? I can feel that something can be done but I don’t know why and I always end up so apathetic and wonder if we’re simple not a mach, which kills me because something screams that is not true, especially after 7 years together I think I would have figured it out earlier. Thank you so much for your help!

  39. What if there is a potential red flag issue (disagreement on having kids) and relationship anxiety?

    • I responded to your email with this question. Please let me know if you received it.

  40. I can’t express how thankful I am to find this website. I am in a new relationship with the man of my dreams and out of nowhere I developed this crippling anxiety. I have been working hard, and have drastically improved but I am looking forward to being even more at peace. He is a wonderful man and has been nothing but supportive and loving during this time and I can’t thank him enough for coming into my life. I am looking forward to making even more progress with your course!

  41. Dear Sheryl! I’m struggling with relationship anxiety and obsessive what ifs. When I cool down I am usualy left with “maybe I just don’t live him enough” feeling. When I was younger I had one boyfriend for over the year and when he broke up with me I met someboy else and I never gave a thought about the ex, I just realized that I actually wasn’t that into him and I never thought or dreamed about him anymore. Then, when me and next guy (“THE ex”) broke up I was desperate and I still have him in my dreams and still fieel kind of hurt although I’m in another relationship for almost a decade! I have a feeling if me and my fiance were to break up I just would not be that hurt and I would feel like I did with the first bf that I’ve mentioned. That all just fuels my anxiety and this constant doubt is getting on my nerve. But I did enjoy my years with him and whenever I felt doubt I could easily soothe myself with something like “It’s ok to feel like this, it’s nit that we are married”, and now that I’m engaged I feel like a fake bi*** especially because he’s such a sweetheart and would do anything for me, I don’t think I feel the same anymore and it just terrifies me and I can’t imagine getting married and having kids with someone I don’t feel as in love with… My question is, is this a common case because I feel like the only one and would this course (and how) be beneficial to me or should I not waste my money on it? I feel so embarrased! Thank you for your help, your artivles have helpede a lot!

  42. Is it normal to have these types of feelings during a marriage? (10 years)

    • Absolutely. For many people the anxiety starts during a marriage, as you will see from the interviews contained in the course.

  43. I have really identified with much of what you have described in your course. I wanted to know is it also normal with this to pick apart not only the relationship, but also the person. Like silly little things they say, etc. I also am curious about the coaching sessions.

    • Yes, that’s absolutely normal. It’s all part of the phenomena known as projection, which I teach at length in the course. As far as coaching, please email me privately to discuss further.

  44. Thank you for responding Sheryl! I just emailed you from the coaching session page! I feel like things have been absolutely relentless over the last month. It seems like after one thought goes away, the next idea or thought is right behind it. Looking forward to the course.

  45. Hey Sheryl, I have a similar question as Katze above… Would this course help and is it a red flag that I’m basically thinking the following: I KNOW he’s a great guy and good soul – but not for me anymore, I don’t seem to care anymore although we never fought and everything seems like it was before. That’s making me so sad, what do I do? Thank you!

    • Yes, the course is for you. Fear can mask as indifference (I don’t care anymore), and a good question to ask is: what is the risk of NOT taking the course and trying to work on a good relationship?

  46. Hi Sheryl,
    I’ll try to make this quick but I really need some advice. I’ve been looking online which is a horrible idea! So my boyfriend and I have been dating for 7 months and lately I’ve had some insecurities with the relationship but we have talked about it and are working through it. This was last week so I’ve already been confused about the relationship and today he told me he has to go away for 7 months for work (which we knew was a possibility). I had a mini freak out but he made me feel better about it and I starting to think more positive about it. However, I went to see my therapist and I was telling her about my worries like what if we lose interest or grow apart etc. and she said maybe you’ll be the one who won’t miss him and then my mind just went nuts. All day today my mind has been clogged with thoughts like maybe I don’t really love him or I probably won’t miss him. It literally feels like I’m convincing myself I don’t love him when I know I do. Is this a sign we would end things or is it something that will pass? Thank you so much for any advice

    • We do plan on flying back and forth to see each other.

    • If you can take the course it would be ideal for you. If not, please read through as much of my site as you can. The thought processes you’re describing are typical of the mindset of those who find their way to my work.

      • Thank you for your reply. I have looked at a lot of comments and am considering taking a course but I wasn’t sure if it’s something that would work for me as I’m not sure if these feelings are just anxiety or if there is reason they are there.

        • That’s the million-dollar question ;). Please take the assessment on this page to learn more.

          • I took the assessment and I definitely have relationship anxiety but just want to know if it’s fixable. He’s a great guy to me and I don’t want to break up, I just want to go back to feeling like I did just last week. Thanks for your help. I think I am going to take the course.

  47. It’s fixable if you do the work, which means taking in the information and practicing the daily tools that you’ll learn about in the course.

  48. I’m interested in signing up, but first I’d like to be sure that my full name (from my payment info) will not be published or made available anywhere. Thanks!

    • I am the only one who will see your purchase information (other than your credit card company or Paypal, of course).

  49. I am so relieved to have found this site!
    My boyfriend and I just moved into our own place on Sunday, after living wit my mother for a long time. I’ve been making myself sick with anxiety and stress since we moved in, doubting my love and commitment to him and his for me and isolating myself and obsessing about it. Reading other people’s comments has helped in a small way, I know I have a lot of work to do but at least I know I’m not alone and that people feel this way all the time. It’s like I know that I love him and I don’t want to leave, but my anxiety won’t let me feel those feelings, instead I have my defenses up, feel highly anxious and alone and upset with myself etc. I’m so glad this site exisits.

    • I’m so glad you found your way here!

  50. I look forward to taking the course soon, just reading your blog posts helps. I know I can get past this, I can feel the relationship anxiety lessening a little. Things will improve soon.

  51. Dear Sheryl,
    have you written about best man/friend and a bride kind of thing?
    In the mid of my relationship anxiety I started noticing my fiance’s best friend (who was considered to be a best man at our wedding) and even having dreams about him which made me very mad at myself. I felt some kind of “vibe” when I was around him because he’s very charming, and I saw a couple of his looks and it seemed like he was flirting with his eyes, if you know what I mean. It’s been months since and I managed to tame my anxiety and am feeling better. Last night, however, we were at this birthday party and we got drunk and basically he told me how he always felt a bit jealous of my boyfriend because he was with such “cool and beautiful” girl like me and he was hugging me (all that while my fiance is sitting next to me!?) and I freaked out… I told my fiance about it and he is pretty mad, and I feel bad because they’re friends since elementary school. And I felt like I needed to tell him because I don’t want to have any secrets and especially to make this guy think like I approve of that… Did I do the right thing? My thoughts are racing again and I don’t know what to make of this whole situation? Is this a common thing? I feel like it’s even more terrible because it’s such an old friend. Ugh… Any advice?
    Love you, thanx!

    • You absolutely did the right thing by telling your fiancé as his friend is acting quite inappropriately. Yes, it’s quite common, and the work is to stay connected to your partner and to yourself as much as possible, while processing the underlying feelings connected to your transition (grief, vulnerability, fear).

  52. Hey, Sheryl! I’ve been reading a lot on your website and it has been a huge help and comfort! However, I still doubt my feelings so I was wondering whether this course is for me… Sometimes I feel like I’m convincing myself to get married to my boyfriend just because he’s a good man. Sometimes it feels like I never really cared the way he did… and it seems like we ended up together just because he was extra persistent in trying to make that happen… 7 years later, I’m here questioning my honesty and feeling like the world’s biggest liar! He’s been my best friend, I can always talk about everything and he always listens. He’s the biggest supporter ever in all of my adventures and yet I feel like I don’t love him enough!?! It’s killing me to be that way. I had the “spark” at the beginning and I was convinced he was my soul-mate and I was 100% sure that he was the one and all of the sudden my anxiety spiked and I felt awkward when he proposed… I cannot explain. Also I never felt the “connection” that I used to feel with some other men, like just the warm exciting feeling, when it comes to sexual chemistry… Like I like his brains but I’m not attracted?! I wish I understood why… and what happened that I’m not so sure anymore, let alone 100% sure. He talks about our future and future family and I’m just cringing, but when we’re chilling and watching a movie together I’m super content and happy… I am beyond puzzled. Thoughts? Thanx in advance!

    • You’re describing classic relationship anxiety to a tee and I strongly encourage you to take the course! You will see yourself all over it from the first lesson and video, and you will be given the information and tools to help you make sense of everything you’re experiencing.

  53. Hi Sheryl,
    I’ve started the course and it is going well but I was curious about the thoughts that I’m struggling with now. I guess I’m curious it they are part oaf the same cycle and just another thing to chalk up the anxiety. I have had periods of anxiety and then some times where I feel fine and enjoying my relationship. Right now it seems like it is one thought pattern after another. After I get over one thought about something, attraction for example, the next one comes shortly after lately being worrying that my girlfriend and I don’t connect and that little things she says annoy me. It seems to come out of nowhere when I’m find not anxious. I feel like I can’t get a conversation started. Is this more of the same and what you described in the first lesson about highs and lows?

  54. Hi Sheryl,

    I have a little bit of a different story. I am 22 years old with the man I have believed I love with all of my heart. The first year we dated, I was consumed with all of the things you describe as relationship anxiety. Despite all of my feelings of doubt, I stayed with him because the thought of leaving him was even worse then the Relationship anxiety. He was/is perfect. He knew about all of my doubts and stayed by me through it all…. Until we went to college. He had a “freak-out” of his own, which I believe was his own little case of anxiety and actually acted on his doubts of being “too young” and “too serious” and broke things off. I was devastated it was the worse emotional pain I had ever experienced. Four months later, he came back into my life assuring me that he had made a mistake and impulsively broke up with me because he felt as though it was the “right thing to do.” Now we are back together, and all the doubts are back. But this time, instead of saying to myself “he’s never done anything wrong to make you feel this way, and when you arent anxious you know you love him and he loves you,”
    It’s more like “he left when he was scared, which means its probably not meant to be, and you’re forcing it.” i HATE feeling this way, because I was convinced that when he came back to me, I’d be so happy… which I am AT TIMES…but I am still filled with doubt and anxiety, and I am terrified that this is a sign that us breakingup should have been it. But I’m not ready to let go… I want this to work….but what if the want is not enough… what if sometimes relationships just “aren’t meant to work”, what if I can never trust him again. This time, I’m worried I cant find peace in the fact that it’s anxiety… I don’t know what to do. And I want to take your course and I am saving money to do so (broke college student), but in the meantime I just want to know your thoughts… and maybe someone on here has been through a similiar thing with a POSITIVE outcome with the one they love. I hate feeling this way, it makes me feel like im working too hard for someone who left when he was scared. But now hes back, giving me no signs of leaving and always assuring me he loves me and he’s here to stay. I just dont know what to do…

    Thank you Sheryl,

    • Hello! Is this course also for irritability in a relationship? I keep finding my self disappointed and picking on everything. Then I go thru so much doubt. We have been together for 4 years. Live together and have a dog. I know I love him. Just go thru Hi weekly doubt.

  55. Sorry for my English, I am not a native. Last summer I fell in love and a month later we started a relationship. Everything was OK. After 2 months I starterd hesitating about my feelings. Of course, that fantastic person did have things I appreciate less. But in my mind everything changed. It was like: If only my partner had not have x, then he would be the perfect partner. I was thinking all the time. I said myself: you have to love everything of him. I couldn’t eat, sleep and work. When I was not with him I was having those intrusive thoughts. But later I was checking my feelings when he was with me. I thought I could fall in love with other, so I was checking my feelings with other men. Than the panics started. One moment I feel love and ten minutes later I didn’t feel.
    I went to a therapist and he adviced to take some time. Than I thought : do I miss my boyfriend. And I thought I didn’t, so than the relation is not ok. So I broke the relation ship. Now, 3 months later I don’t understand it. Was it just a question of lost feelings of due the ROCD?
    I can’t say I miss very much the person, because I was so nervous and really sick en ill all the time. He still loves me. What do I have to do? Is it possible that the ROCD let disappear your feelings? I am looking our photos and I don’t know anymore how it was.
    And yes, this has happened a few time now in other relationships.

  56. Hi, please can someone help me.
    I am 21 and met my boyfriend two years ago. We sort of “fell into” the relationship and I don’t think I was head over heels in love, but he was. I loved everything about him, he was kind, generous, dotes on me, we can talk about anything, family loves him and we like the same activities and generally have a great time together! BUT, ever since the beginning I’ve had this nagging gut feeling that something is missing. Recently the thoughts have become SO intrusive that I broke up with him. It was heat of the moment and the next day I told my friends and they all said the same thing “you did the right thing, someone out there will be the same but you’ll have that feeling” and “when you KNOW you KNOW”- and I don’t know! Which is why I broke it off! But I WANT it to work so badly! My question is, can I make this relationship work despite these feelings? He is everything that I want but these thoughts and feelings are upsetting and I’ve been very ill. We’re meeting tomorrow and I want to say lets give it another go but I don’t want to “lead him along” if it will just end in another break up.
    PLEASE HELP, I’m scared to death.

    • Dear Cate,
      I’ve been in the same situation but I DIDN’T broke it off! One thing I can tell you from my personal experience is – your friends are always going to support you no matter what you do. If you break up they’ll tell you that someone better will come, if you wanna stay with him they will tell you you two are good together (if there’s no red flags)… Basically they say the things you want to hear at that moment because they care for you. It doesn’t mean they are right, you know? Because the cannot know for sure, just like you can never be 100% sure. And forget about that “when you KNOW you KNOW” thing! It is one of the biggest misconceptions ever. I thought I KNEW with my ex; our story was Disney material in my head from the moment we met and I was million percent sure he was the ONE … But then he left me and went with another girl… We never fought, never had big arguments… And that just goes to show that no, you cannot KNOW! No matter how magical/wrong it feels. All you can do is TRUST and stay with the feelings and do everything you can to understand where they’re coming form and not act on them till you find your piece of mind. Let me know how it went and stay strong.

    • thank you so much for your reply, I honestly don’t know what to do. I am in such a comfortable relationship and I am happy so it seems like I’m self-sabotaging but sometimes a voice in my head sayss “are you really happy or is this fake?” It gets to me so much!
      How is your relationship now? Were you honest with your partner? It’s like I don’t know if these thoughts are just self-sabotage or if I really need to listen to them.

      • I know exactly how you feel! Everything you describe has happened to me. Girl, I’ve been through hell and back – sickness, couldn’t eat, couldn’t sleep, couldn’t think/work/study, obsessing 24/7, felt like the world is coming to an end literally! I read through this website and I still come back when the anxiety hits (like it did last weekend), went to therapy and read a lot of books that were recommended and all that helped immensely! I still go through the periods of total bliss, when I’m loving and opened and periods of total worry and doubt… Just like you, in a comfortable relationship and happy, yet at times “something is missing” and the voices start buzzing like “maybe there’s someone else, maybe this is not it, maybe it will be like this forever” and I am getting better and better at shushing those voices and breathing and not allowing the anxiety to take control… Saving $$$ for the course and in the meantime reading more books and doing the inner work. I highly that you get “Hold me tight” by Sue Johnson – Sheryl has recommended it many times, it is very soothing and comforting book based on an actual facts and not some mambo-jumbo quasi theory. I downloaded an e-book and I’m loving it so far. We can do this! 🙂

        • Hey there….
          you both were speaking in 2016. I relate so very much to both of your stories. Can you give me some incite into where you are at now with your relationships? I am still scared I am the exception. I did not have that “He was the man of my dreams” or “He was everything I ever wanted” feeling that many other people post about. I am also Terribly burdened by the “when you know you know” phrase. Help please<333

  57. Dear Sheryl,
    Thank you!!! Finding this website is such a relief. I’ve been married to the most amazing man with a great relationship for 2.5 years, we have the same values, enjoy doing the same things, want the same things out of life. He cares about me so much, is totally committed, and would do and has done anything and everything for me, he is understanding, he teaches me so much about myself, and I’ve always believed we’re meant to travel through the ups and downs of life together. Then, just over a month ago I visited my sister and she was a confused mess and told me she was thinking of leaving her husband. Then I immediatly had to drive interstate for a 10 day yoga course. From that drive until now, I have had the most crippling anxiety, I havn’t been able eat, work or do anything. Something triggered a voice inside saying “you need to leave”, and all sorts of other stories and much of the thought other people here have shared. It scares the hell out of me, and I know it doesn’t make any sense, it doen’t reflect the reality of what I have. I have been so afraid that the thought must be real, but I know deep inside I’m just afraid, but I want the anxiety to stop. I want to be able to love my husband without feeling inadequate or like I’m pretending, and recieve his unconditional love without my anxiety being triggered.
    I have always been an extreamly anxious person with very low confidence, and have suffered from an eating disorder in the past. My childhood was also traumic, there was no love between my parents. Mum only married with my dad because they had me, and she only stayed married until I was 16 because she didn’t want me and my sisters to have divorced parents. But in the end she took a restraining order out on him, for all of our safety.
    Sorry…I’ve rambled on a bit, but that’s basically my situation – do I have relationship anxiety? Can I go beyond this? Can I stay I my relationship and fully enjoy and appreaciate it?

  58. Dear Sheryl,

    I have been reading through your site on and off for the past couple months and I am motivated by your words and videos. I have been in a relationship with my partner for nearly 10 years. When we met I was in a very anxious place, having gone through a traumatic experience with someone else I was dating and a I was betrayed. My anxiety took hold of my situation and turned it into a monster of risk and shame that made it very difficult for me to date or trust anyone, even myself. When my partner and I met we had a few dates, they were a bit challenging because he was so quiet and I am well, not (haha). I was in my mid-20’s and had never had a relationship longer than a few weeks and neither had he. As we became more intimate he tolerated my high anxiety around contamination and helped me with my anxiety at work as well. He was and continues to be my rock when it comes to my anxiety. I can honestly say that outside of my, family he is the only person I have ever completely trusted. I know that I care deeply for him and his happiness is important to me, but I find myself inundated with thoughts like “you don’t love him”, “you don’t know what love is”, “this is just your first real relationship”, “he is not attractive enough”, or “he’s not witty/funny enough”. While it’s true that we are very different and clash a lot (I’m an ENFP and he’s an ISTJ/INTJ) we have worked on our communication and get along great most of the time. I have had three separate bouts of high relationship anxiety/OCD over the past 10 years, the most recent one lasting almost a full year now. He has been patient with me, but I know we both want to move forward and enjoy life. Sometimes I think that maybe I need to listen to my gut and move on, but I really cant think of anything important that is missing in our relationship. Sure I could find someone more athletic or muscular or funny or outgoing, but at what cost. We share our values, or moral, our health decisions and life goals, shouldn’t those be more important? Can your program help me find the clarity and confidence to move forward in my life? I want to move forward inside or outside of this relationship, but with confidence that I am making the right choice. The thought of hurting him, his family, and our friends causes me great discomfort and distress.

    Thank you

    • The course was made for you, Nick. I truly hope you give yourself the gift of diving in and doing the work so that you don’t walk away from your wonderful, secure relationship.

  59. Sheryl,

    Thank you for your reply. Anxiety and obsessive thinking have been part of my life in episodes for as long as I can remember. It has attached itself to contamination, jobs, you name it. With my relationship o find it harder to label it, perhaps because relationship are so amorphous and anxiety craves impossible certainty. I know doubt and anxiety about my partner and I had plagued me thoughoit our relationship, but most of the time I was able to kick them back down. Now it feels like an eruption I can’t control and I feel paralyzed. Feeling liked may regret leaving and be anxious and uncertain forever should I stay. I do think I am leaning towards investing in your course e-course. What portion of folks are like me, where they never experienced the full honeymoon period and have persisted with doubts and apprehension for years? Is it common?

    Thanks, Nick

    • The majority of those on the e-course are lifelong sufferers of anxiety and never had a honeymoon period. Have you taken the assessment on this page? Both points are addressed there.

  60. Dear Sheryl,
    Literally wanted to purchase this course but just had to check whether it’s for me. Been struggling with rel.anxiety for months and finally managed to make some changes and to follow the schedule of activities and felt pretty good after a long time! But then my fiance confronted me how he feels left out, I seem uninterested in him or any activity with him (and I guess I do act like that), how he feels as if I don’t care for him as much as he does for me, how he feels hurt and so on… and it beaks my heart to pieces to hear something like that! Especially after I thought that I / We were doing well, you know? So I cried a lot and felt like OMG what if that was true!? Remembering my therapist’s words “Don’t assume you don’t love him, you cannot know that… That is up for him to decide and feel” and thought this was it, this is the proof… I was feeling ok he was feeling hurt, I didn’t know… Now maybe he thinks I don’t love him as much and maybe it’s true!? And there we go into the anxiety pit.
    SORRY for such a long post, I wanted to make it short and just ask what do you think, is this course the right one? I’ve read so much from this site and so many book recommendations… kinda feeling like a hopeless case!
    Thank you in advance! BP

  61. I have been suffering with what I think it relationship anxiety for about 4 weeks now.

    My boyfriend is wonderful and all I could ever ask for. We had/have a very strong relationship and love each other very very much.

    After having the sudden intrusive thought about doubting my feelings (very randomly) within the same 10 seconds i went from being happy and in love to anxious and empty. At first I was anxious and sick. I couldn’t eat, I couldn’t function. Then three weeks later I started to feel better. I became more positive and felt that this anxiety would pass if I just took the necessary steps and maybe got help.

    This week, I feel numb and empty. The thing that is upsetting me the most, is how far away I feel from my boyfriend. At times he feels like a stranger in my mind. When i’m with him I feel so disconnected from him. Yesterday I met up with him in the morning and I felt so far away from him even though he was sitting right beside me, I couldn’t help but burst into tears. Why do I feel so far away and disconnected from the person who always felt like home to me? I can barely remember what I felt like when I was happy now. I’m really scared and upset and I just want to feel how I did. Is this normal? What can I do?

    (I’m currently saving the money to take this course) is there anything i can do in the mean time? I’m so scared i’ve never felt this weird before. I don’t want him to feel like a stranger. Is it too late for me?

    • You’re describing relationship anxiety to a tee, so yes, you’re normal! If you can’t afford the course, I suggest that you read through my site from the beginning. Many people have been enormously helped through their relationship anxiety just from my blog alone.

      • Thank you Sheryl. In my moments of clarity i realise that it is my anxiety and I know that i’m being ridiculous. I’ve always known you have to fight for what you want, I just never thought that it would be against myself!

        Thank you for your response, I’ll read through your blog fully! I found your break free blog when i first started struggling and now i’m back. I took the relationship anxiety test and i ticked almost all the boxes! I feel much more reassured after your response, so thank you. And thank you for helping all the other people who are suffering too, i’m so glad that someone has bought relationship anxiety to light and can potentially save hundreds of relationships.

        Thank you.

  62. Hi Sheryl.
    I’ve gone through a lot of intrusive thoughts the last few months about my amazing boyfriend. Fear of losing him, fear I don’t love him, fear because he’s my first relationship and we’re so young, fear we won’t work out. I definitely suffer from relationship anxiety/ROCD. But I’m working through it and I’m saving money to buy this e-course.
    While searching for summer jobs, something that’s very stressful for me, I suddenly got afraid I would get a job working with some guy that I would develop a crush on or something similar, and that terrifies me because I only wanna have feelings for my guy. Fear of getting a crush has never been an issue for me before the anxiety, my guy is the only one who’s been in my heart. Sure I’ve found other guys attractive, but I haven’t been interested in anyone. I’m afraid I will be in the future.

    Please help!!!!

    Is this a normal intrusive thought to have while suffering from relationship anxiety? I’m so terrified of losing him. I love him so much. I never want to love anyone but him. Is that what my anxious intrusive thoughts about falling for someone else/crushing on someone else is about? Fear of losing him?

    • Yes, it’s a very common intrusive thought, and most often connected to the fear of loss and also lack of self-trust. We have control over where we send our energy. In other words, crushes don’t just “happen to us”, and when we trust ourselves, we trust that we will and can create a watertight relationship:

      • Thank you for responding!
        I can see how my fear of getting a crush is about both loss and lack of self-trust. My relationship anxiety comes largely from fear of loss, and I think that because I’ve been going through all this anxiety, doubt and intrusive thoughts it has lead me to lose trust in myself. I’m still afraid it’ll happen, even tho I’m focusing on learning that intrusive thoughts are not my true feelings, and I’m working on a watertight relationship – which my relationship was 100% before the anxiety started, and still is seeing as I haven’t actually fallen for anyone else, I’m just afraid of it. My main fear right now is that I’ll find someone attractive, and my anxiety will attach meaning to that – even though attraction doesn’t mean I actually wanna be with that other guy. I’ve read on this site that anxiety can hang its hat on feeling attraction towards someone else and making it into a bigger thing than it is.

        • Is that possible?

          • Absolutely. Anxiety can hang its hat on almost anything! And the work is the same regardless of the hook.

      • So I can beat this right? Other people have?

          • Thank you

          • To clarify – I’m sorry I can’t let it go – people can specifically beat the intrusive thoughts about falling for someone else?

  63. HI Sheryl,

    Sorry, i’ve posted a few comments now, I just find your guidance invaluable and wish so much I had the money to purchase this course 🙁

    The intrusive thoughts and anxiety has left me with all these horrible feelings. A lot of the time when I’m with my boyfriend I just feel like something is wrong and I am not able to fully immerse myself into the relationship and feel my love, and i’m not sure why. To sum it up: even when i am not having intrusive thoughts, I have intrusive feelings. Is that normal?

    I am working through my anxiety, and working through it can be really scary. I’m trying not to fall down the rabbit hole of ‘i’m not worried or anxious anymore, that means i don’t care.’ because i know that drops me back to square one. I’m a bit scared because my intrusive thoughts have less power over me but i still seem to be struggling. I haven’t felt genuinely happy for a while now. I know it’s not my boyfriend, and that its my anxiety that’s caused me to feel this way, but I just wish I could feel happy and in love! I also feel really distant and disconnected from my partner, which breaks my heart. It’s like I can barely remember what it felt like before all this anxiety started.

    Is it normal for the anxiety to convince you that you haven’t felt happy when you have? (Weird question).

    I would describe my relationship as a bubble at the moment. A lot of the time, i feel i am out of the bubble and trying to get in but I can’t find a way. Then there are the rare times where I find myself in the bubble, but when I am aware I am in the bubble it pops and reforms with me outside of it. Does that make sense?

    I’m just rambling now I suppose, sorry if this isn’t very clear as my head is jumbled up and scared at the moment.

    My question is, do you think that despite these horrible feeling that the thoughts have left me with, I can feel connected and truely happy and in love with my boyfriend again like before?

    Also, do you believe healing comes in stages? I feel i’ve improved from where I was when this all started (7 long weeks ago) but my stages have sort of gone like this:

    Anxious-Anxious and Depressed-Depressed and numb- Numb and empty- Empty but Anxious- Anxious- Less Anxious- Disorientated (Not much anxiety but head is not really sure what’s what, still not clear). Would you say these phases are normal? Everytime I get scared because my mind isn’t clear I always just try to tell myself ‘it’s okay, you’re just entering the next stage.’

    Sorry for the confusing ramble!! Thank you for reading.

  64. Ah sorry!! I also meant to ask, is it common for anxiety to flip itself?

    About 3 monthes ago I was convinced my boyfriend was breaking up with me (triggered by a conversation that i got the wrong end of the stick of) and it was really upsetting. It was the same day that I realised that I was being ridiculous and that he wasn’t breaking up with me, that the thought ‘what if i don’t love him’ kicked in. Which is obviously a stupid thought as a week before I had been devastated at the thought of him leaving me. I wonder if maybe because I realised he wasn’t leaving me and i opened myself back up to love that that’s why I had that initial ‘what if i don’t love him thought’ because I was scared of getting hurt again subconsciously?

    I’ll stop with the spam now haha, sorry 🙁

    • Extremely common for anxiety to flip. It’s the flip side of the same coin, which is the coin of “Enough.” So it goes from “Am I enough?” to “Is he enough?” And underneath all of that is the fear of loss.

  65. Does this e course work for intrusive thoughts without relationship anxiety? My thoughts are from surprised emotions.

  66. Hi Sheryl,

    I have read through some of your blog posts as well as others’ comments and your replies, and wow, your website/e-course is so serendipitous! I have had obsessive anxiety for as long as I can remember (fear of being homosexual, fear of God forcing me to be a nun, etc), but in terms of my relationship anxiety (rOCD), I thought it was certainly abnormal and an indication of a problem in my relationship. I have experienced this in every one of my romantic relationships, but my relationship with my boyfriend now has brought it on the strongest. In fact, we broke up for about 4 months because I thought my doubts and fears were a problem and I felt guilty for continuing, but the love I feel for him is immense and truly special. I couldn’t make sense of fear and love existing so strongly at the same time, it didn’t seem to be a problem anyone around me was having. I’ve always been afraid to bring it up to anyone else because I anticipated they’d tell me my relationship was wrong and I should leave, which isn’t what I want to do. I have done a tremendous amount of researching and journaling to be aware that my anxious thoughts are not how I truly feel.

    The anxiety comes and goes, though. A lot of the intrusive thoughts that others have, I struggle with as well. I fluctuate from feeling intense love and connection to my partner to intense anxiety and doubt. I, too, have had thoughts like “do I love him enough?” “what if I find someone else attractive/develop a crush on someone else?” “what if I’m not attracted enough to my partner?” “what if I don’t feel connected all the time?” What is plaguing me most recently is introducing him to my family, an important transition for me. I’ve kept my relationship fairly private because my relationship anxiety can only think of negative results: my family won’t like him, he won’t like my family, my family will sense that I have anxiety and tell me that he’s not right for me, etc. I feel really seriously about him, I can see a future with him and really value his companionship, but we come from relatively different backgrounds (financially and politically) and this gives me anxiety. If I’m honest, it’s like my anxiety finds something to attach to, what means most to me, and in this case, it’s my relationship. Do you address the meeting-the-family transition at all in your course, or anywhere on your website?

    I never knew how normal it is to feel this way, and I can’t tell you how soothed I am to know that there are many others that feel as I do and have overcome their fears. I don’t have the money to buy your e-course at this time, but I plan to in the future. I have been reading your blog posts and “screen-shot” some of them to read when anxiety strikes. I think breaking free from relationship anxiety has a lot to do with unlearning much of the unrealistic expectations that I was indoctrinated with through many romance novels/movies/poems. Your website makes me feel less alone, and I just want to thank you for all of your warm, thoughtful words. I look forward to your e-course 🙂

    • Dear Anne Marie: Thank you for your comment, and I’m so glad you found your way here. To answer your question, I haven’t written exactly on that topic but, as you’ve already accurately intuited, anxiety will hang its hat on any hook. In other words, the current storyline is much less important than is the underlying anxiety, mental traps and expectations that lead to the obsession. That’s what you will learn about as you continue to read through my site and, eventually, with the course. The course is a gift waiting for you when you’re ready. It will help you break free not only from your relationship anxiety but also from the obsessive anxiety that has plagued you your entire life.

  67. Hi Sheryl,

    I registered for the forum yesterdat, but have not received the email telling me my account has been activated. Is this to do with the 3 week waiting period or has there been a problem with my email?


  68. Hello!

    Relationship anxiety hit me hard a few months ago and it’s been living hell, all the mentioned stuff above and more have been blasting through my brain and given me so much anxiety. I’m looking forward to buying the course as soon as I can. However, since yesterday I have barely had any anxiety. I’ve had intrusive thoughts but they haven’t given me even close to as much anxiety as before. Instead I’m obsession about why I’m not anxious anymore.

    Is this a sign that I don’t have relationship anxiety, or is it just the way relationship anxiety works; going up and down?

    • Hey AJ,

      Just thought i’d chime in here. Anxiety can fluctuate, but your body can only take being highly anxious for so long! What often happens is a bit of a numb/empty feeling that is often mistaken for calmness. I’ve had this many times where i’ve had intrusive thoughts that don’t spark anxiety, in fact I am like that nearly all the time now (but that’s because i’ve been doing the work). It doesn’t mean that you don’t have relationship anxiety, think of it as entering a new layer! I always tried to use my ‘numb’ times to turn inward! Just thought I’d reply since i’ve experienced this before!

      • Thank you! I appreciate it 🙂

  69. To anyone considering purchasing the course,

    It is the best gift you can give yourself. Honestly, I have only been on the course for about a month but my anxiety has decreased daily. Since starting the course so many people have commented on how much more myself I seem, how much happier I am, and it’s true. I’m learning so much about myself, love, transitions and i’m starting to feel much more comfortable and happy around my boyfriend again. I was so scared that if I took the course I might learn so much about myself that I would ‘outgrow’ my partner or discover that my ‘truth’ was to leave. This is such a common worry when purchasing the course, but honestly it’s really not likely, no matter how bad your Relationship Anxiety is.

    The work i’m learning on the course is invaluable, and I thought I was a lost cause. I’ve still got tons of work to do, I’m still not quite where I want to be yet, but I am so so so much better then how I was when this all began.

    If you take this course, it means you’ll learn firstly and most importantly: your intrusive thoughts, feelings, doubts, images, dreams etcetc, are NOT about your partner. Hard to understand, but it’s true. There is always something deeper underneath, and it is only when you turn inward and commit to this work, that you will start to understand. You’ll also learn about real love, projections (so so important and useful), intrusive thoughts and how to deal with them, plus you become a part of a forum full of people who have ALL been through what you are going through.

    Okay, i’ll stop now. I just wanted to express my appreciation for the course so far and maybe help others take the leap to purchase the course. I really really honestly thought I was the exception, but I’ve discovered I really am not, i am exactly like everyone else here. Chances are, you are too!


    Thank you Sheryl for helping us grow and learn, and not walk away from healthy, happy relationships when our fear voices take control. Thank you for helping me FINALLY understand my anxiety that has been living since I was 14. I’ve still got so much to learn, but I’m becoming more and more curious and so much less afraid.

    Thank you from the bottom of my heart!!

    • Thank YOU! This is beautiful to read, and deeply warms my heart. Keep going!

  70. Hi Sheryl,

    I’m interested in taking this online course from you. I’ve been reading your blog for months – ever since I became engaged, my anxiety became out of control. When I first met my partner I felt elated, and a sense of peace, and since becoming engaged I over analyze everything and am constantly googling. I know it’s because I’m terrified to make a mistake and the biggest reoccurring fear that gets me is that he’s like my dad. My dad was not the best dad and my partner shares surface traits with him (love of cars, outgoing guy, animated, man’s man, loves machines) and even though my dad was very negative, verbally abusive, and absent my current partner is the opposite – very supportive and encouraging, positive, and a great listener and advice giver. Even though I know this, the anxiety is still sucking me in. And I even catch myself acting like my mom (eek!) I’m desperate for help, I don’t want to lose a beautiful partner out of fear and I don’t want to marry the wrong person out of fear either. I’m grateful for any help that will get me through this! Xo

    • Your fears are normal. Once you sign up for the course, you can stop googling and receive the information, tools, and support that you need in order to break through the anxiety so that you don’t walk away from a wonderful partner.

  71. Hi!

    I have many intrusive thoughts that don’t seem to be mentioned often, but that I do think are connected to my relationship anxiety since they only came after that started. I keep having thoughts like I can’t do *insert activity* if I’m in a relationship. Sometimes it’s completely crazy stuff like I can’t have a stalker if I have a boyfriend – I DON’T EVEN WANT A STALKER. and other times it’s more down to earth, everyday stuff, that being with my amazing boyfriend 100% wouldn’t stop me from being able to do, tho I feel like my mind is screaming at me that it will and so I shouldn’t be with him.

    It doesn’t help that all the anxiety makes it hard to feel my love for him.

    Is this normal and a part of relationship anxiety? Will the e-course help with this?

    • Yes, Section 3 of the course focuses on healing from intrusive thoughts, which is what you’re struggling with in the context of relationship anxiety. All normal, and all workable once you dive into working the tools and information presented in the course.

  72. Can’t help but to wonder if I can ever get back to being exited and wanting a future with my girlfriend. Even tho the infatuation stage has ended long ago, I still love her very much (although now the thought “do I really” came up). I used to want nothing more than live with her and share my life with her, but ever since the anxiety started I can’t see it, cant feel it. It just feels like I can never be happy in that way again and that I’ll never be at a place again where I can be exited over something like moving in with her again…is it truly possible to get back to that?

    • Yes, it’s absolutely possible to get that back. It’s what happens when you learn to get underneath the anxiety/fear, which is shutting down your heart and causing you to see through fear-eyes.

  73. I’m having a real hard time with relationship anxiety when it comes to being young and in my first relationship. We got together at 16, and are now 18. The pressure from society and stuff about dating around is so strong! I’m afraid of waking up one day and regretting having only ever been with one guy, wondering what it would be like to be with someone else – but he’s so great and I don’t wanna break up with him for something like that but the thoughts still go on and on. I also realise that people can doubt stuff like that even if they’ve dated other people before.

    I just…I feel so hopeless. I wanna be able to find happiness and serenity and still be with my first love without regretting it. I read the part about Kiyomi who got better and now looks forward to spending her life with her boyfriend who she met very young, but I don’t know if she had doubts about not having been with anyone else. I’m just wondering if it’s truly possible to get through and over this?

    • Just thought I’d comment because, although this isn’t my first relationship, I’m in a young relationship and have only had 2 boyfriends before. Just thought I’d let you know that I too have had similar thoughts to yours, and so many others in the first relationship/young relationships have! They’re just intrusive thoughts. If you take the course and/or do the inner work you’ll realise a lot of these thoughts base themselves on false beliefs just for example, I can see one of your false beliefs as ‘If I am in love I will never want to wonder what it’s like to be single or to be with someone else’ which is exactly the same false belief I had, when in reality wondering about these things is completely normal and it doesn’t matter how much you love your partner, you will probably think about this things at some point, and that’s completely normal and not a sign you need to leave!

      Think of it this way, if you’re learning about this stuff now, you’re lucky because it’s stuff that you can carry with you throughout your whole life!

      You’re not alone!

      • You’re right, thank you.
        I guess I’m just terrified of waking up one day when I’m older and having a total mental breakdown and leave him because I never dated anyone else. But it’s just a bunch of false beliefs and ideals that our society pushes on us I suppose. I just want this to all go away! My mind won’t shut up.

        • I really would recommend the course!! It will help you stop getting so immersed into these thoughts and all the mind ‘chatter’. If you can’t afford the course, read through Sheryls blog as much as you can, it helped me so much when I wasn’t in a position to buy the course!

          • Yeah I’m hopefully buying the course at the end of the month! 🙂

  74. I too am in a first relationship and am suffering from relationship anxiety. I think many of the same thoughts as you Anna and Worrier96.

    What I am most worried about at the moment is the transition from high school to collage. I graduate next year and I’m worried about if me and my boyfriend will break up, if maybe I’ll want that in the future. Everyone says you should go into college alone, and I fear that I’ll want that or that my fear based self will say I want that through my relationship anxiety 🙁

    Sheryl, what is your opinion on the transition from high school to college? Any tips on how to make it through that without breaking up with you boyfriend? Since transitions can spike relationship anxiety…I’m just so worried

  75. Hi Sheryl, I’ve been in a relationship with a wonderful guy for 5 and half years, over the last two years we began talking about marriage and he shared his concerns with me about marriage since his parents are divorced and he hasn’t had many good marriages around him and so the thought of marriage gave him concerns and made him feel anxious. He has said then and continues to say that he loves me and doesn’t want to break up and he has even gone to a therapist to try to help move forward to become comfortable with marriage. Two years have passed and things have not changed, we are both in our early 30s now and marriage remains something that is still important to me. I am now having my own anxiety about our relationship and the future. I was wondering if you think your courses would be helpful for us and if so which course your would recommend for me and for him and/or if there is a course we should take together. Thank You.

  76. Dear Sheryl,
    I wan’t to join the course but I have a question – I know the love is giving, and currently my partner is doing all the giving and I don’t feel like returning much. He noticed how I became “cold” as he said, and that makes me so sad. I didn’t want him to notice because I didn’t know what is happening with me. We had a beautiful, honest and loving relationship and last year I just shut down. There are/were no fights or anything like that, no communication problems, I just felt like I don’t love him as I used to, you know? That comes in waves, I am working on this myself as much as I can. I am worried now, I don’t want to continue being cold and I want do more loving actions but I seem to lack will to do so, I’m always “tired”, “not tin the mood quite yet”, “busy with other things”… I was never like that.
    What do you think happened and would any of your courses be beneficial in me getting to act lovingly and FEEL the security more often than doubt? He’s a wonderful person that I was looking forward to marrying, and I’m over here being ungrateful and taking it for granted.
    Thank you so much!

    • Yes, this course would be enormously helpful to you. You need to get underneath the shut down and start to connect directly with your core fears and beliefs.

      • Do you think I can do it myself?! I’ve been reading through your website since last year, I went to therapy last year, read many many great and helpful books, reeaaally tried working on myself and I think I have improved a lot but I don’t understand that now, instead of anxiety, I feel disconnected from everything and I guess I’m projecting my stress on everything and everyone (I am expected to graduate in June and I feel overwhelmed and distant, unmotivated in general).
        Your work has been very beneficial and God knows where I’d been whiteout it, thank you.

        • It’s definitely possible to do the work alone but there’s a different level of support and information that gets integrated when you take the course. I know it’s an investment but please know that the work extends far beyond relationship anxiety and will help you transition through your graduation and into the rest of your life with much more confidence and serenity.

  77. When will the course begin?

    • This course is ongoing and self-guided, so it begins as soon as you join. My 30-day courses are only offered 2-3 times a year.

  78. Hi Sheryl. If you are reading this, please answer. Even a simple yes or no would be a huge help. I emailed you prior to posting this, but changed my name on the forum for privacy reasons. I am currently 22 years old. I met my current partner when I was 17. He was not my first relationship but he was the first serious one. All of the others left me or vice versa.I would not say that I was infatuated with him, but I did like him a lot, and he liked me too. He was avalabile. Something that didn’t really happen in my other relationships. We were so happy until one night the thought,”Do I really love him?” crossed my mind. It hit me like a ton of bricks. I could not sleep or eat. I decided I would break up with him the next day. He came over and I told him I do not think that I loved him anymore.That I didn’t even know if I ever did. We both broke down and I couldn’t go through with it. I can’t explain why, but I just couldn’t. I didn’t know what to do, so I clung to him. I stayed at his house the whole summer.”me being 18 and him 17 at this time.”And the anxiety never went away. I just felt horrible and question after question ran through my head. I stayed because he was amazing and I didn’t want to lose him. 4 years later and I still have the anxiety. I have been on medication and I do have some clear days where I love him, but most of the time I think about him and feel miserable and I do not know why. So I start thinking of different scenarios. Most of which are,”Do you love him?” “Why is he so annoying?” “What if he doesn’t love you?” “I feel anxiety so this must mean something is wrong.””Our routine is boring and it shouldn’t be.” “Am I just a commitment phobe?” Even when when we have fun together, my heart sinks and I do not know why. Most recently I have just been feeling irritated and sometimes resentful towards him.I take offense to everything. Its getting to the point where I am just accepting the fact that he isn’t right for me, or I am not made to be in relationships. I really do not want that to be the case, and it hurts so badly to think that is the reason but I feel so lost. It has been 4 years of this and I am so tired. I don’t want to lose him but I don’t know what to do. I also suffer from low self esteem and depression/anxiety.I have a lot of family issues, and a painful past, but all I can seem to worry about is my relationship. I just want to be happy and normal. Sometimes I feel like I know nothing about myself, and if I do learn about myself, I will leave my relationship or learn I am not ready to continue it. I really really don’t want that to be the case. Traditional therapy did not help me. I often feel severely aggitated and offended, also hopeless. My questions to you are, can I feel anxiety towards my partner without a cause? I think of just him and my heart sinks and my gut churns.I am not sure if this is because my brain has related HIM to anxiety or what. Is there a cure for this when I can’t for the life of me figure out what’s the main cause? If I don’t want to leave my partner, can I learn to become free and happy with him? I am highly considering purchasing your break free from relationship anxiety e-course. I just want to know if you honestly think I can benefit from the above. I feel like I have no idea what a relationship is or what I should feel like/be in one. Even though I have been in one for almost 5 years! All I know is every fiber of my being is screaming at me to leave, but I don’t want too. It is so uncomfortable. 🙁 Can this help me when I sometimes just feel like I am a bad person and my anxiety is really who I inside, and I am just afraid to embrace it? I have been reading your articles for a long time, but have been hesitant to purchase the e-course in fear that there is no saving for me. Please, please reply. I am at the end of my rope and so lost as to what to do. I very much need your help. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this! Also if anyone from the forum has any advice or success stories, please feel feel to reply. I would highly appreciate it!

    • If you read through my site you’ll find the answers to all of your questions. So yes, you’re in the right place and the course would absolutely address what you’re struggling with.

  79. Sheryl,
    I believe that my wife has been in a state of anxiety for most of her life. As a teen she was the rock for her family. Her dad was emotionally unavailable, a criminal and master manipulator. and she became the person that her mother and siblings came to trust as the oldest child. Now, after 16 years of marriage she has had an emotional affair that lasted 15 months until I caught her this past March. We have been in counseling, but she is struggling to open up and communicate with me. There have been 5 things that I believe have led to her depression, the affair and to our current situation:
    1. We moved away from our home town and our families 6 years ago. As I shared above, she is very close to her family.
    2. I have been very focused on my career, been emotionally unavailable and disconnected. I’m very willing to change and I’m taking great strides towards that change.
    3. We had a child just over 2 years ago and the post pardum was worse than the previous 2 pregnancies. We were also away from family.
    4. The affair itself and her guilt over it
    5. Our 2 year old has been diagnosed with a genetic disorder 7 months ago

    She has said to me that she”s only felt “it” for me a few times. That she’s trying to be honest with herself. That her heart says one thing but her head says the other.

    My life coach sent me to your site to see that I’m not the only guy that has a wife/girlfriend/S-O that is dealing with these issues. My heart breaks for these people. My heart is becoming broken.

    Here’s my dilemma. I badly want her to take your course, however, if I’m the person that introduces the course to her she will see it as “He’s trying to fix me.” I can’t fix her, I can only fix me. I love her with all my heart, mind and soul. She told me that she is in the deepest, darkest pit of unhappiness of her life. I want to help… How?

    How do I share your work with her? Can I do anything other than just be there for her?

    • My heart goes out to you, and your love and devotion is beautiful. I suggest that you send her a few of my articles and see where they land in her. And yes, it certainly sounds like the course would be ideal for her, but only if she’s ready for it.

  80. Hi Sheryl,
    I would like to complete the “Relationship Anxiety” course and also “Trust Yourself”
    Both are equally pressing and overlapping and have been for a year now. Obviously something arising for me to look at. Which do you recommend I complete first? I should add, I can see the way I am being at the moment is greatly affecting my partner.
    Thank you

    • Definitely completely Break Free first, especially since I won’t be running Trust Yourself for another few months (a round just ended) and you can sign up for Break Free at any time.

  81. Having future based intrusive thoughts saying I’ll still love my boyfriend in the future, but that I’m just gonna wanna leave him anyways. Not for any special reason, but that I’ll just lose that part of me that wants to be with him somehow and that it’ll feel “right”. It feels so real and like it’s just doomed to happen, my mind keeps going what if what if what if. It terrifies me because it doesn’t make sense, why would I wanna leave him just like that for no reason if I love him and if I do all the work and learn how to grow love and maintain a real relationship?

    Sheryl do you even think it’s possible for that to just happen in a real, loving relationship? Is is maybe the relationship anxiety and the intrusive thoughts sneaking up on you in another way?

    • Hi AmJu

      Im not Sheryl but I see so much of myself in your thoughts. I absolutely think that is possible – it happens to me all the time. I have been with my boyfriend for 4 years now. Sometimes I have months where everything is fine and then some day for no particular reason the fear comes back.

      I have more or less completed this course and I have gotten so much better – I still get intrusive thoughts, but I am much better at handling them and ultimately, I even forget about them after a while. They are the most terrifying thing in the world, it is a fear so strong that it literally takes away your ability to breathe. Those questions starting with “what if” and this just starts a chain of thoughts like a domino, and you just get in this horrible cycle. This is fear speaking, not your true loving self. It is something that I have learnt in this course and also while talking to a counsellor for a few months.

      I would recommend for you to do the course just out of my own personal experience. And also those blogs – I have them printed out and always carry them in my handbag with me. Just that little bit of extra security 🙂

      and this one

      and my absolute favourite which is the first blog I ever read after literally googling “scared of not loving my partner anymore”

      I hope this helps a bit 🙂

      Take care


  82. Hi Sheryl,

    I’m so happy I found this website.

    I’ve been in a long distance relationship for 1.5 years. We’ve never lived in the same city, which works because our schedules are so crazy busy during the weeks and even some weekends. We’ve worked hard to not go more than six weeks without seeing each other.

    He’s the best man I’ve ever met, and I want to choose him as my life partner. Three months ago if he asked me to marry him I would have said yes.

    In about six months, I’ll be at a place in my career/life (graduation from grad school, while working full time) to move to the same city. It’s close to my family, my best friend and there are about five places I would actually considering working at.

    But I feel like I’m giving up a lot for this, and I really don’t like losing control to make decisions not just for me. I have anxiety about the uncertainty of the job search and if I’ll actually find a job I want to do in the time frame I need it to happen – I’ve always identified myself by what I do for a living and I worked really hard to get where I am. I feel frustrated and angry at having to make the majority of the sacrifices, even though I know he is and the foundation we’ve built in our relationship is worth it (even if my intrusive thoughts try to convince me otherwise), and the anger is all directed at him, although he’s done nothing wrong. If I don’t learn how to let go of control now, I’m going to run away from every relationship.

    I had my first intrusive thought two months ago, which was a “I’m really going to miss this” as I was hugging him. The straight fear of having a thought I didn’t mean to have that I didn’t WANT to have threw me into a battle of anxiety that led to not sleeping, not eating and a huge meltdown in front of my partner who assured me it was OK, that he loved me, and that I was normal, proving to me over and over that he’s the most supportive and understanding man.

    The intrusive thoughts continue, and the worst part is that sometimes they feel really real. “Maybe I don’t really love him”, “You don’t get excited/turned on when you look at him; instead you feel disgusted and anxious when you look at him” this feeling is met with a visceral response, “you feel guilty when he says how much he wants you and you can’t reciprocate those feelings”, “just get it over with already”. All of these thoughts are met with a “no, no, no, no, no!”

    I understand that I might not get back to how I felt before and that trying to get back to those incredibly happy times/feelings is exhausting. I’m trying to take it one day at a time, and realize that these intrusive thoughts shall pass as I remember the “good days”.

    I’m thinking about taking your course and I really want my truth to be him.

  83. not sure how to reply to a message but just wanted to say AmJu that what you wrote about I personally think is relationship anxiety. Sometimes I have similar thoughts. I was just reading on Sheryls blog about adolescent versions of love and it resonated with me as does your post that for me its something to do with that. I personally dont think you just ‘fall out of love’ so one day will wake up and think ‘oh my gosh what am I doing’. Im trying to live and ‘be’ in the now as its all we have but that is sooooo hard. Im going through a transistion through loss and have been this past years so a lot of my anxiety is based on fear of loss (as Sheryl has covered so wonderfully on her blog). Every day we learn and thats the hardest lesson of all. As we know by now through here what is missing in us? ITs nothing to do with our lovely partners is it? sorry for the essay.

    • Hi Eileen,
      Couldn’t agree more with you. I have felt like this in previous relationships too, as soon as the honeymoon phase would end (which is usually when the real love begins) those thoughts would suddenly start. It’s literally out of nowhere. I have learnt not to give in to my fears and break up (cause when I was younger I thought that those doubts are a sign, and that my fear would go away – well it did once I had broken up, but only until I was in a relationship again, then they would come back). So it’s not our wonderful, loving partners, it is our fear. And if we fight it, which is so, so so hard, then we can win 🙂

  84. Hi all, I wanted to share this story with you because this course has helped me so much. I really recommend it to everyone.

    I suffer from a very bad relationship anxiety with all those “irrational fears” and horrible intrusive thoughts (they usually start with “What if” and end in a worst case scenario.
    I was talking to my counsellor the other day and I remembered something that was crucial to my development. The day I first had anxiety.

    It was the day when I was a child, probably 5 or 6 years old, when I realised what death was. I was always a daddy’s girl, so I was very close to him when I was a kid. I share a great connection to nature with him and I had the best childhood with my parents. And I remembered one night when we must have watched something in the news, or we heard some news about a persons death and I realised that this person would never come back. And I also realised that some day my father, whom I love so deeply, might die. And as he tucked me into bed that night I cried bitter tears, and I remember begging him not to die. To never leave me. And he said “well we all have to die some day” and I felt so powerless, so frustrated that I had no control over it and that there was absolutely nothing in the world that I could do to change that.

    Now I see a lot of parallels in my fear. Fear for me are usually situations that I have no power or control of. I used to date guys only for a very short period of time and usually break up with them before they could break up with me. I used to jump from one relationship into another and cheat in most relationships, because I was with men I didn’t love, but I was terrified of being left alone. Or left in general.

    Then I met my lovely boyfriend. Now my fiance whom I have been with for almost 4 years is the most gentle, loving soul and I could not be more grateful to have him. He is the first man that I ever truly loved and now I have this horrible relationship anxiety. It started all with the fact that for the first time, when I met him, I wasn’t overwhelmed with love. I was just okay, in love but it was no fireworks, no crazy passion, no drama. And that confused me, because to that day I had always expected love to be like that. I had a complete misconception of what love was. Being influenced by TV shows, magazines, and a lot of things other people say. (like my friends or colleagues who tell me they have sex 3 times a week and all – so much bla bla)

    What this course and the last 4 years have taught me though, is that we cannot control everything. And that I am so, so happy that when fear was in the driver’s seat, I chose love instead. MY fear whispered me in my ear to break up so many times – if I had broken up with him, then there would be no more fear right? Nope – trust me, this is how I used to do it for years, and that’s how I let go of some wonderful men. So I decided to stay, and I worked my bum off to make it work. It is still a fight. Every single day. I fight this anxiety, this monster so much every day. And some days, sometimes for weeks I am allowed to just be happy, before it comes back. And I noticed that the more I fight and work with myself, the longer those happy periods have become. The less strong my anxiety attacks have become. So it is working – slowly, but I can see results. To all you beautiful, gentle and loving people out there: it will work, and some day we will beat anxiety and learn to live with it rather than having it control us.

    I can honestly recommend Sheryl’s “Break Free from relationship anxiety” course – it is absolutely worth it and I come back to it every couple of weeks when I feel anxious, as it is like my safe port. I was in a very bad state this morning, but as I have typed this I feel that I can already start to see the horizon of this dark night. Even the darkest night will pass. Take good care everyone.

    PS: my course name was supposed to be conscious-laura, but I made a typo 🙁 oops

  85. I am way younger than a lot of y’all but I so wished I had the money to buy this course, I feel like it would help me so much! I have been with my boyfriend for almost 2 years. I’m 15 and he’s 16. Young I know! But I can still have relationship anxiety! I am going to talk to someone tomorrow and I am so scared of what they’re gonna say or if they will just say “you’re too young to know what love is.” This is my longest and most serious relationship EVER! He is my bestfriend who I care for so much!! Fear is always whispering in my ear and all these people on here say “well I know this is who I want and love” but I really have no idea if I want or love him because fear whispers in my ear so loud but I still choose to stay because like y’all say it would happen with anyone I’m with. It’s me and it’s not my partner. Please comment back if you would like too!!

  86. I have been with my boyfriend for 3 years, we have been living together for 2 years now. This is my very first relationship, I have liked and been in love before but till now it has never been mutual. I had anxiety in a few months of our initial stage of the relationship, I felt numb and didn’t know where all the wonderful feeling had gone. I broke up with him a few times, and then had anxiety after breaking up as well. We finally decided to give the relationship a go and moved in together. He is a great person, loves me for who I am and has been there through my anxiety. I have also grown to love him, have had the warm fuzzy moments many times. In the past year we have been arguing over babies, he wants a child and I am not keen. I have never thought of myself wanting a child, but I love kids. And in the past 6 months we have tried to break up a few times as we thought there was no way we would change our minds. We finally took some time apart for a few weeks to think about things. During all this, I have started to give up on us and also started to question if I love him or not. Because people thought that I should have a child with him if I really loved him, this made me question my love. And I felt numb and disappointed in him. After our time apart, he said that having a baby is my decision and its ok if I decide not to have one, he will deal with it (even though his preference is to have one, but he is not going to leave me because I am unsure about having one). He said he wants to be with me more than anything and get married. So I came back to be with him in the apartment, but I felt very anxious like I didnt want to be there or with him. I just wanted it all to be over, just out of the relationship. I then wondered why I feel like that, we were so happy a year ago and after the baby issue now all seems changed. I told him about how I feel, and he is still the same loving person and says it will all be ok. He never gives up on us, and he says that he knows that I love him and that I am confused.I keep thinking that may be he is not the right person for me, thats why I am having doubts of getting married to him. Friends have told me that may be I have fallen out of love with him, when I heard this I felt angry! There are moments when I have felt the happiness of wanting to marry him but then it passes and the doubts are all back. I want to be happy with him, he is such a great guy. But I want to be happy without the doubts, without waking up everyday and thinking I want to leave him. There have been many times where I have become annoyed at him, but I cant stay mad at him for long. I have found some of his looks annoying, and this makes me think that may be I dont love him. If I loved him for who he is then I would be happy and not have doubts, therefore I keep thinking that I dont love him
    and that I should break up. I thought may be I should marry him and then see if things work out or not, but I dont like the idea of going in with such a doubtful mindset. I need to make a decision soon, he wants to move countries by early next year and he would like to know if I would go with him.

    I want to know what I truly want, do I love him or am I afraid to break up??

  87. Relationship Anxiety?
    Hi everyone. I’ve been diagnosed with GAD at the emergency room once and about four months ago is when my awful anxiety really set in. Panic attacks, heart palpipitations, the whole 9 yards.

    For about the past two months I have been non stop doubting my relationship with my boyfriend. We’ve been together for nearly a year and a half
    Im 18 and he is 23. He has lots of experience dating and has had three other long term relationships while I have only had two other relationships in my life, one lasting only one month and the other lasting about 9 months, both ending because I’m pretty positive they were cheating although they said “they just lost feelings”.

    ANYWHOO, my boyfriend and I have just recently gotten out first apartment together. My boyfriend is sweet, loving, supportive and literally one of the most genuine people i know. There are no red flag signs in our relationship.

    However my gears started as “what if you don’t really love him?” Which brought on a load of anxiety and fear. Then it shifted to “what if you’re gay?” Then too “what if you’re attracted to other people?” And now my fear is “what if you just want to be single? What if you havent dated enough in your life? What if you just want to be free?”

    The thought doesn’t bring immideate fear though. At this point I feel as if im incapable of feeling anything besides indecisive. I want to love him, i want to be happy with him and I want this to work but I am so lost lonely and confused.

    He knows how I feel and it hurts me to have to hurt him by doubting every move I make. If anyone is feeling these things or has had these thoughts before please help a girl out..

    • Hello Ashley, don’t know that I can help you out, but I definitely have continuous doubts about my relationships. I am older than you, 36, and have had this in every relationship so far. I’ve read a lot of Sheryl’s website and am considering doing the e-course. It’s great that you are so young and have come across this page. Also you say you want to love him and want to be happy with him and you want it to work. That’s more than I can say about my relationship. Have you done the questionnaire? This e-course might help you work thorough your doubts. Good luck! You are certainly not alone according to this website and my own experience, millions of people have these doubts. Wishing you the best

      • Nadine I am just now seeing this. I have basically poured through her website everyday, it’s like a lifeline now I spend HOURS here. I am signing up for the ecourse, probably tomorrow as the bank’s closed here and I can’t cash my chrck. I am hoping to free myself from these thoughts and just get my relationship back. My guy knows everything I feel and he is so supportive, he’s actually paying for a majority of this course..

        • You should do the ecourse. We could take it on together.

  88. Hello Sheryl, I only realized today that you are Margaret’s daughter after watching one of your videos and thinking you have similarities. Then I clicked with the same surname etc.! Have done the “loving yourself” inner bonding course with her which I really enjoyed. I’m interested to do your “break free from relationship anxiety” course and filled out the box above to get the questionnaire e-mailed, but have not received anything. I think I tried it a while ago with the same problem. I may have received it a long time ago and done it, and am signed up for your newsletters. However, if I have done the questionnaire in the past I don’t remember the outcome, so I would like to do it again before signing up. Are you able to help at all and e-mail the questionnaire to my address above? Thank you Sheryl. Really enjoying your website. Kind regards Nadine

  89. Dear Sheryl,
    In lesson 6 of the ecourse (Break free) you mention food for the physical realm. “Some people skip grans from their diet” I did myself for many years diet after diet, with result, yes for a few weeks, but after, everything came back. I would like to say, that the relation anxiety expanded to a relation + food anxiety. No food was safe for me after a few years, fruit, fructose, grans, gluts, milk, casein, soya, histamine, etc. And then the other part also started to get alive: more vitamins, magnesium, vit b1, b12 fishpills, etc. I sounds weird, but it made a big big crack in my self esteem and made a huge distance for looking inside for solutions. So every projection I had, i connected it to food/pills etc. Please let me know, although the effect of food, -how big it can be-, that learning to understand my fear and to work on all these other things, can help me, just as much. I dont want to go back there anymore, and blame it to my source of energy. I am the one who creates the projections not? Not the food?
    Thank you so much in advance,

  90. Hello Sheryl,

    I’ve been reading with interest the posts here, and wondering if this course is for me. In a nutshell, I have reconciled with my boyfriend after a 2-month separation – I had caught him being unfaithful. We both have relationship insecurities and abandonment issues, which in part led to his infidelity. We’ve now committed to working on our own issues and I can truly say I believe our motivation and desire to move forward together is genuine. He has owned his behavior, and worked hard to prove his fidelity, not just with words, but actions. That being said, I have moments of debilitating anxiety when I don’t hear from him or when he has to travel for work. My “monkey brain” as I call it, goes into overdrive and I picture all these scenarios of what he is doing and what he might be up to. Ugh. I would like to not be that way, as I think ultimately it will be the end of us.

    Is your course right for me?

    Thanks in advance for your reply.


    • It sounds like there’s been an attachment rupture from the infidelity and it needs complete repair before you will feel safe. My courses does not address this. I highly recommend that you do a round of EFT-couple therapy with a skilled and trained therapist:

  91. I’ve been struggling to decide whether to move forward with my boyfriend of 4.5 years. I love him very much but I’ve never really felt in love. I read on your blog about determining if you’re staying just because it’s a good relationship and it mentioned having a deep connection and genuine interest in the partner. Hes my best friend so obviously we connect on some level, but I don’t really find him that…interesting. I even remember thinking when we first started hanging out (within the first few weeks) that the intellectual spark wasn’t there for me. I didn’t enjoy our conversations the way I do with other friends who think more deeply. But he’s my first boyfriend and I decided to keep dating him because I knew he was a good guy and I thought it would be valuable to get to know him in a dating relationship. I’m worried though that I got in just to experiment and stayed because it hurts too much to go.

    I know that I love him, but not that I’m in love. Ive never been fully content, especially because he fell pretty hard and fast, and I’ve always worried that my feelings wouldn’t catch up with his (he was excited from the start and is very happy and in love with me). We are otherwise perfectly compatible on paper. I do enjoy being with him and we have the same values and goals in life and he’s incredibly flexible and willing to compromise so that I can do things I want (like travel the world etc). But I do get bored and he can annoy me (not just typical annoying habits but things about his personality–like his jokes).

    I don’t suffer from anxiety or any other “disorder”. But I am very independent and I have insecurities about being well liked and getting approval from others. I’m worried that those insecurities set me up to fail to fall in love OR that they are keeping me in an unfulfilling relationship because I love to be loved and am scared of never finding love again.

    If I’m not sure I have that base connection (the thing that’s missing) from the beginning, am I just grasping at straws to avoid the inevitable? I want to have that love that inspires me to be a better person, and makes me happy and excited just to be around them and go through life with them. Can that be “unlocked” or is the foundation not there? I don’t want to force or manufacture love.

    Reading through others’ experiences here, it sounds like they all know deep down that they want to stay and love their partner and that they have struggled with anxiety before.

    im worried that I’m self-diagnosing an anxiety problem when I have never had anxiety. Does it sound like I’m just not happy and unwilling to let go?What do you think?

    • You’re describing a form of anxiety that doesn’t manifest as typical anxiety but more like indecision and stuckness. Only you can say if your relationship is one that you want to fight for, but the course will certainly help you find your clarity.

    • Hey, Britt. I know you posted this a while back but I was wondering if you took the course or made any progress? I have similar feelings (with annoyingness and all) although I think those are normal. Have you been able to come out of your anxiety?

  92. Hi Sheryl,

    I am interested in starting your e-course! The last three months have been an anxiety hell for me – I definitely have generalized anxiety disorder and hypochondria. After a health incident happened in October, I became obsessed with my health and then as I was coming out of that issue, for the first time ever, developed intrusive thoughts which scared me so much! They were mostly harm related. I discovered that intrusive thoughts tend to grab onto the things you fear most about in life/or things that would worry you the most. I remember consciously thinking, “don’t start worrying about your marriage” and then bam, I started worrying about my marriage. The thing is, I am incredibly in love with him and he is all I ever wanted. I am attracted to him, mind and body and he is one of the best human beings I’ve ever met. And I feel so lucky he is mine. And it isn’t as though I am having “doubts”, but I am so caught up in these intrusive thoughts now that I don’t even know what my mind is thinking anymore. I absolutely love him, but then get stuck on that I don’t FEEL the love like how I did before my anxiety spiralled. I was madly in love and not questioning anything two weeks ago, and now I don’t know what the hell happened 🙁 Would you consider this relationship anxiety or just anxiety in general (since I was experiencing such high anxiety prior to these relationship thoughts)? Would I benefit from your e-course?
    I do not fantasize leaving him and know that my life without him IF I ever made that choice, would be wrought with guilt, sadness and KNOWING it wasn’t the right decision.
    Thank you so much <3

    • Hi Meredith: Yes, you’re suffering from relationship anxiety and the course would be of enormous benefit to you. The truth is that it doesn’t matter if you label it “relationship anxiety” or “generalized anxiety”, the work is the same and the tools I teach in the course will address everything that you’ve been struggling with.

  93. Hi sheryl! Was just looking for some advice about whether or not to purchase this course! I’m a 19yr old student and I’ve been with my boyfriend for nearly 2 year and I’ve recently been experiencing what I think is relationship anxiety. Before my anxiety hit I had never had a single doubt about my boyfriend, he’s my best friend, we share all the same values in life. He encourages me to do my best and I’d say we have a very mature relationship for our age, we obviously have small issues but what couples don’t. As I made the jump into university life a lot of things changed for me, Me and my best friend since 5 years don’t talk anymore (my therapist describes this as almost a death like situation), my parents became foster careers, so I’ve kind of lost a connection there too and the only person that I could really rely on was my boyfriend. Another point to add is that I have been anxious and depressed before and I was just coming out of a depression episode when I met my boyfriend (dunno if that’s relevant).

    I had been feeling anxious for a few weeks but couldn’t pin point the problem and then one day when I was at work I thought to myself “what if me and M don’t last forever?” And from there about 2 months of panic attacks and weight loss set in and constant crying set in, I wouldn’t see any friends, I wouldn’t go out without my boyfriend. I lost myself completely. Thoughts like “what if we get divorced?” “What if he isn’t a good father?” “What if he breaks up with me?” “Maybe we aren’t meant to be”, I would constantly test my feelings for him when it came to kissing, sex just anything really.

    Here we are almost 3 months later and I feel completely numb, when I was panicking I knew at least that I felt something I described it as my “head fighting my heart” but now that I’ve slipped into a depression everything just seems gloom and doom. I’m angry, irritable, nit picking about our relationship and I just feel so unconnected from him and it’s breaking my heart because it’s almost like I’ve forgotten what I was fighting for.

    Do u think that the relationship anxiety e course would benefit me ??? I’m only a student so it’s quite a lot of money so I don’t want to go into it without knowing if I’ll benefit

    • Katie: Without a doubt, the course would be of great benefit to you. It will help you address the root cause of your anxiety, which is now focused on your boyfriend but which, ultimately, has nothing to do with him. The cycle of shifting from panic to numbness is quite common, and when you learn the tools that will help you thaw out your heart, you will feel your warmth and love once again. I know it’s a significant investment, but it’s one that will serve you not only in your relationship but for the rest of your life.

      • I know this is a bit of a late reply to ur message but I have just been spiked badly over a post of yours. It was one about “a deep sense of knowing your too young to get married” obviously and my boyfriend are no where near the stage of marriage but it’s something that I had always imagined before anxiety and sometimes now still when I’m calm and in a good mood. But how do u identify a deep sense of knowing, like since anxiety all of these “what if I cheat” “what if I really just want to be alone” thoughts have come into my head, thoughts that before anxiety couldn’t be further than my truth but now they seem like they are convincing me and now I’m thinking “maybe this is my deep sense of knowing” creeping in. Does anyone have any advice or comment on this?

        Ps. I am saving up for the course and am hoping to purchase next month but in desperate need of a few answers at the moment

        • There is a small percentage of people who find their way to my work (and I mean VERY small) who know that they aren’t ready to get married. But the vast majority, no matter how young, struggle with relationship anxiety but still know that they don’t want to leave their very loving and wonderful partner. Hopefully this post will soothe your spike:

          • I’ve read that one over and over but you know how it is, I always feel like I’m the exception and I’m different haha even though when I’m on this site everyone’s feelings and thoughts are the exact same as mine. that article is one I always go back to and does help soothe my worries so thank you for reminding me of it!

  94. Hi Sheryl
    I am 32 years old.I was in a 4 year relationship 4 years ago with a man whom I loved deeply. We were highly compatible, had a great connection, a great group of friends and we were best of friends. After a year of dating, I was experiencing relationship anxiety (I didn’t know it at the time). I kissed another boy and decided that if I could do that, I musn’t be in love with my boyfriend, so I broke up with him. I was distraught. I cried for days and days and decided that I didn’t want to be without him. After much convincing, he took me back. We were back in the honey moon phase again and my mind was at ease. However, the anxiety started to creep back and the next 3 years were wrought with bouts of anxiety and depression on my part. We fought a lot as he would always accuse me of not loving him. I never knew how to respond because I was so confused. He knew about my infidelity and would always use that as evidence that I didn’t love him. After 4 years of being together, I met another guy on a plane. There was instant attraction. We exchanged numbers and began texting/talking on the phone. After 2 weeks of intense communication, I broke up with my bf and moved out. I was sure that this new man was the answer to all my problems. He seemed perfect for me and I found myself high on life again. The first year of our relationship was messy as he was going through a break up too. We were doing long distance so our time together was always limited, which made it more intense. After a year together, the honey moon phase was beginning to wane. I was starting to realise that perhaps he wasn’t the one for me. I started to think about my ex and miss him instensley. I was so confused. Then boom! I discovered I was pregnant. SO here I am 3ish years later, with a 2 year old, experiencing relationship anxiety yet again. I think I KNOW that it’s anxiety. I’m on anti-anxiety medication. I got antenatal anxiety and post partum depression because I had so much regret about leaving my ex partner. I think what’s happening is that I’ve got relationship anxiety about my current partner but it’s been made more complicated by the fact that I have so much regret around leaving my previous partner. I wish I had known that I was experiencing relationship anxiety with my previous partner. We might still be together? Is my anxiety around the regret just a symptom of my current relationship anxiety? Is it a form of escapism? Even though I’m on meds, the ruminating thoughts are still there. Without meds, these thoughts would leave me paralysed. Almost catatonic. I want to be medication free. I want these intrusive thoughts to go away. I want to be a present, happy mum to my daughter. Will this course be helpful for me? Will it help me with the regret aspect? My mind keeps telling me that the only path to happiness is to be back with my previous boyfriend. THat is not an option though. I want to be with the father of my child. I want a healthy, secure family environment for my daughter. I just want to feel normal!!

    • Dear Ruth: I don’t say this often because I’m not one to push my courses, but I URGE to sign up for this course as soon as possible. You need to learn how to contain and work with your anxiety so that you can be present for your life, and yes, the course will help you do that if you commit fully to this work and to the daily practices. You are already normal; now it’s time to find some peace, both for your own sake and for your daughter’s.

  95. Sheryl, two years ago I signed up for the Open Your Heart series. Unfortunately, life took a turn and I didn’t get to participate. As I read the information on Break Free from Relationship Anxiety, I feel this may be appropriate for me now. Is this an interactive forum like the Open Your Heart course?

    After over two years, I’m still dating the same man. My father has since passed away and we’ve been through a lot. He lives 200 miles away and it’s long distance – obviously. He can’t move as he has high school children and really should stay where he’s at for at least 3 1/2 years. I live in Minneapolis and he’s in a town of about 7,000. We are both divorced twice and I’ve had four serious depression/anxiety episodes over the course of 20 years. All of which are triggered by relationship break-ups. The last one in 2007, I needed to take two weeks off to attend an outpatient program to try to get my head on straight and a firm foundation.

    We’ve talked about our future and things are good, but fear creeps in quite often as my life would completely change. Not just moving, but finding a job, moving out of my home of 22 years and the city I’ve been for 30 years, etc. I’m not a kid, but fear grabs me like I am 16 years old.

    So what are your thoughts on this course? Or would it be better for me to go back through my Open Your Heart course and read that – even though no one is actively in that particular course any more.

    • I highly recommend this course for you, Candee. It’s really my foundational course, so once you’re comfortable with the tools I teach here, then it would be of benefit to go back over Open Your Heart. Given what you’ve shared, the foundational material will be essential for you to learn.

  96. Hi Sheryl,

    I’ve been having a very hard time lately and am wondering if you would recommend this course for me. About a week before Christmas, out of nowhere I had a complete and terrifying panic attack at my boyfriends house (when he wasn’t there) centered around our relationship and these awful thoughts that came out of nowhere, like “is this really the life I want?” and “what if I don’t love him?” At this point we had been together for 9 months and just two weeks past the glorious sharing of “I love you” to each other.

    Up until this very day of the panic attack, I had been nothing but over the moon and so blissfully happy with this man, I was/am so confused as to why these thoughts wouldn’t leave my mind. Over the next week, I went to the ER twice from severe dehydration and exhaustion (I vomited every morning from debilitating stomach pain and was too afraid to eat), I barely went to work, it was awful. I went back to my therapist whom I hadn’t seen in over a year, I didn’t know what else to do. Strangely, I was having all these doubtful and terrible thoughts about my incredible boyfriend and yet the only times I felt peace were at night when I would lay with him on the couch and he could kiss my temples. He is everything I have ever wanted in a partner.

    I am almost 24 and he is 27, before him I was in a very emotionally manipulative 4.5 year relationship with a man that had no ambition in anyway, which was a very painful breakup for me. My parents divorced when I was 14 which was also a painful time and I think distorted for me the idea of what a marriage should look like. I didn’t know that men like my current boyfriend existed. I imagine marrying him and we have previously discussed me moving into his house officially within the next six months or so (which sometimes is comforting to me but also is a source of great anxiety). I never know how I’m going to feel when I wake up and the uncertainty is so terrible.

    I’m so in love with this man and I KNOW that, I cannot stand these doubts that cripple my ability to function as my best self. What would you suggest for me? I want to be the woman again that deserves his love, the woman I was before this panic took over my mental state. 🙁

    • Hi Alyssa, You’re describing a classic story of relationship anxiety and you’ve found your way to the right place. The Break Free course 100% for you, as you will see as soon as you listen to the Welcome video. Peace and clarity are closer than you think. – Sheryl

  97. Hi Sheryl,

    I want to sign up for your course but I’m not sure if I should sign up for “break free from relationship anxiety” or “conscious weddings.”

    I have been dating my first boyfriend for over a year and a half now. We have a special connection, a friendship that goes back to about 10 years now, and he is the most wonderful man I can imagine. He loves me so kindly and purely and he is my best friend.

    I realized I was struggling with relationship anxiety once I came across your writing. I think it’s been a mixture of a lot of things that have made me anxious: my boyfriend is not the kind of guy I expected to be with (I had built up a fantasy world for over 10 years of who I would be with and he doesn’t fit that mold), I never experienced a “honeymoon phase” because he was an old friend that I kind of dated at first just to give it a shot (and he has surprised me in the best ways since), I haven’t “just known he was the one for me” (which I always just thought I would from a first date AND it seemed that at the time, all my friends “just knew” about their boyfriend) and I feel like I have had to learn what love is when all I have ever experienced and known is infatuation. I have spent my entire adolescence and 20s obsessing over guys from afar who I never really knew but the “feelings” were so strong – I associated that with love. I think I was addicted to the wondering/not knowing how those guys felt about me so I would be consumed with my thoughts/fantasies and that was kind of a rush. I did that for years unfortunately. But I never obsessed over my boyfriend or was infatuated with him because he was someone I actually knew and had a friendship with so it has all been different. Looking back, I can see how the beginning of our relationship is a recipe for a healthy foundation but I have years and years of unhealthy patterns that I am trying to break and that I never even knew I had. I thought the recipe for love was: notice someone from afar, obsess/have butterfly feelings every time you see or talk to them, they ask you out, you fall head over heels and you know “they’re the one.”

    Thoughts have plagued me most days of my relationship the longer I have dated my boyfriend: “do I love him?” “what if I don’t really love him?” “what if I just think I love him and I don’t really?” “this should be such an easy thing… I should know.” “what if I am really supposed to be with that other guy (who was never really kind/interested in me) but I had such strong feelings for…”

    Lately I have been stuck on this fantasy world I created with a guy I had a crush on for over 3 years and that causes me anxiety because I love my boyfriend and want him to be the one I marry and yet I have these thoughts of another person that won’t go away. My boyfriend and I talk about marriage a lot and I find that because I am anxious and overwhelmed/scared, it takes the excitement away from me and I fear maybe it is all wrong. And I fear the thoughts of this old crush (who I don’t want to ever think about again – it was all built on fantasy) won’t go away.

    Basically, I am wondering which course to take because I want to break free from this anxiety, learn more about what real love is instead of what I picked up along the way that are not healthy (infatuation, fantasy) and I want to have a healthy marriage with my current boyfriend. Can you tell me which one may suit me?

    I wanted to thank you for the words you have already provided to me. I have read through almost all of your posts and have learned so much already. So thank you for writing about this subject! your wisdom has been so helpful and encouraging to me during a very hard and confusing time for me.

  98. There are a lot of reasons why we feel anxiety. Low self-esteem could be one of them. You may have these twisted thoughts in your head that have nothing to do with REALITY. In other words, you could be worrying and obsessing over something that does not exist.

  99. Hi Sheryl, I’ve been trying to take the free assessment but the link does not appear to be working. Is there another way I can access it?

    Thank you!

    • It should be working now, Janet.

  100. Hi Sheryl,

    First I hope you and your family are ok. I am 28 and I got an ROCD period 3 years ago. My relationship is over now I left her to survive (yes it was a question of staying alive). In France the problem is unknown so I understood too late (she is in relationship now). Question is: does the ecourse helps for re-constructing someone after a long relationshi? Today I fear about myself in relationship. I am afraid To start again this hell and make suffer someone again. I am french so sorry for my english. Sorry if someone already asked you the question. Best regards.

    • Hi Florian: The course is often best taken when you’re between relationships as that’s when the noise of the anxiety is low enough that you can actually hear the information. I encourage you to dive in and give yourself this gift before starting another relationship. It will serve you enormously.

  101. Hello sheryl i wanted to ask you what the right course for me is.The problem is I am having so much trouble right now and i could really use some guidance. about 4 weeks ago i started having all of these doubts about me and my girlfriend,doubts starting with “do i love her anymore,why do i feel this way,are we drifting apart,are we connected enough,is she right for me” me and my girlfriend have been together for just about 10 months now and this anxiety is just now hitting me. all throughout our relationship i have had some doubts asking myself if i love her and if its what i wanted but it never really spiked up until 4 weeks ago.Also i have never really felt the same way around my girlfriend as i do my other friends although i feel like i can still be myself around her. At some times when we would be hanging out i would start feeling unconnected for some reason but alot of times we do have a lot of fun together and connect well together.My girlfriend is just amazing, shes loving,good to me, honest, funny,just adorable, and just everything i could ever ask for. i know that i love her so much but for some reason im in that numb stage where i cant feel connection and cant feel love the way i did before all of this anxiety(i cant exacty feel connected to myself either) and im afraid that this means that we are drifting apart which i hope is not true. we talk just as much as we always have and hang out even more then we did in the beginning. I just feel so hopeless.I have experienced anxiety/depression before about two years ago and this feels similar like i feel like im not even myself. I want to know if this is relationship anxiety that can be fixed so i can get my life back or if this is really the end(broke my heart typing the end). Please respond im at the end of the line here and im going crazy and i dont know what to do and i just really need to know how to get my life back.Also when you say clarity do you mean clarity as in it will become clear whether you want to leave or stay or do you mean clarity on to what is bothering me.

  102. And i just wanted to add ,right when these doubts started i started having panic attacks and even now in this numb stage when i go to google symptoms of drifting apart and i feel a symptoms and i have another this from anxiety or is it because self consciously i know its true? please help im so desperate for guidance

    • The Break Free course would be ideal for you and would benefit you enormously. I urge you to give yourself this gift so that you don’t walk away from real love.

  103. Thank you for your words of wisdom. Each and every time I read your blog it centers me once more.

    Around 18 months ago I was at a breaking point. My wife of a few months and I were sleeping in separate rooms. She was disgusting to me. I was so focussed on so many small perceived imperfections and all I could ask myself was, do I love her? It eventually became I don’t love her. What have I done?

    One sleepless night I began to google and came upon one of your blogs. Tears flowed from my eyes and relief filled every pore when I came to realise I was not alone.  Many years before I struggled with thoughts such as I’m gay, I’m a serial killer, I’m a paedophile, I’m going to kill myself, I’m schizophrenic. The list went on. I felt I couldn’t trust myself. It was eroding me from the inside. How could I share these thoughts with anyone?

    Eventually I shared them after having a physical breakdown. I told my dad who got me to a doctor who got me to a shrink. There I began taking Z***** and became numb, but in time the thoughts left and I felt free. I’ve not thought that stuff again since some 10 or 15 years later.

    What I did bring with me was an inability to maintain a relationship. Lovely girl after lovely girl and each time I messed it up because of how I perceived them and how I perceived my lack of the feeling.

    With my now wife I had a honey moon stage of about 3 weeks before picking her to pieces. For the first time ever though I told her my judgements. I told her I didn’t think she was attractive. I told her I didn’t like the way she ate. I told her to didn’t like her laugh. I told her so many cruel things and yet she stayed. I hurt her so much yet she stayed. She accepted me.

    For just over 2 years it swayed back and forth for me. Judging her, seeing her as ugly. Seeing her boobs as too small. Seeing her as beautiful. Knowing she was the kindest most loving person i ever met. Picking on her for her breath or how fast she was eating. Eventually it became too much for her not long after our honeymoon. That was when we were in separate beds amd arguing and when I came upon your work and where I purchased the break free from relationship anxiety course.

    The course and your blog helped me see for the first time what I was doing and better still provided me with some real tools for finding relief. For steering myself out of it. I shared all of it with my wife and she too came to realise that she too was on the sensitive side of the spectrum. She is so grateful that I found you and words cannot express the gratitude and love that I have for you and for everyone here who is struggling with this stuff.

    I still get thoughts and sometimes I share them. Having my wife know about the work is great because she reminds me that I’m projecting. Most of the time though I’m now able to catch myself in the projection and name it for what it is. I see it as a sign that there’s something within me that needs work. Like I need to do more music (That which brings me the greatest sense of aliveness), or that I need rest. Whenever i am run down the projections come back in so it’s important to know this and to know how critical it is that I look after my health with good food, exercise and rest!

    I love the question What is this thought trying to protect me from feeling? This has been so useful when I’m in the thick of it. It helps me to see that my anxiety is my friend.

    Another thing I did last year was abstain from all alcohol for 99 days,  and this year I did 120 days. Since then my relationship with it has really changed. I can really feel how it affects me now. I can feel the anxiety being created.

    All I know is that I wouldn’t be here where I am without you and your work, and for anyone reading this, if I can turn it around I know anyone can. We all just need to learn to love our beautiful sensitive selves and make sure we spend time only with those who appreciate our true self. It takes work time and time again but look to it like a long walk. Nothing overly exerting yet a journey that will take time. So enjoy the steps you take and celebrate your wins and appreciate what you have right now even if it’s not what you want. You will get there as long as you keep moving forward.

    Do the course or courses too!!! Xx

  104. Hi Sheryl, I’m so bad at making short posts so I desperately hope you have the time to reply.

    I suspect that my fears have attached onto a couple of core values related to RED FLAGS as an excuse to give up on the relationship. I need to ask you your opinion on this. I’ll explain the red flags after I give a brief history.

    I am half way through the course. I started it during a relationship that was 2.5 years along. For the most part the relationship has been open or on a break but there has been a slow but steady growth of love for each other, to the point where it is now very strong even though we are currently not under the label of a “couple”.
    Before our first date I told her how likely it was that I believed I would eventually leave every girlfriend that I ever met due to my fears and anxiety ruling my decisions. Having that out in the open was the start of a very honest 2.5 year relationship (although a very bumpy, on and off one )
    Very soon after we became reasonably close, I started to have intrusive thoughts doubting her physical appearance. After some time I was able to admit that to her after finding an article on ROCD. At first it was very tough for her but eventually she came to understand and accept me as our love had grown enough.
    The anxiety was reasonably manageable ( I’m very experienced with it ) that is until I decided to make things official. The official couple status has been attempted a few times but each time I end up so anxious that it consumes 100% of my energy and the rest of my life seems to fall away and every waking moment becomes about managing the stress and eventually I become lifeless and have suicidal thoughts. Thats when I give up and we agree to break up. That conversation brings literally instant relief from my symptoms and I feel back to my normal self and then it seems clear to me that single life is much better. I become social again and our time spent together as friends and/or friends with benefits becomes ecstatic and life flows again.

    Ok so the perceived red flags are.
    1. I don’t want kids yet. ( she is 33 years old and wants them soon and even said that she would look for another man that wants kids if it comes to that.)
    2. She always talks about leaving the country for months and years at a time to go travelling as backpacking is her true passion.

    So I wonder if hearing about her possibly leaving all the time is a true red flag for me and a reasonable cause of anxiety and that I should not waste my time putting myself through hell for someone that will probably remain less than 100% available.. (although she sometimes says that if I didn’t have my fears and committed to her that she would make sacrifices regarding her lifestyle for us.

    I also wonder if the reason I seem to not want kids is that since I’m such a perfectionist, that kids = commitment and Im afraid of commitment because ultimately I am afraid of leaving and hurting someone I love, not to mention hurting our child.

    Finally id like to add that after doing lesson 8 of the course today, I see now that real love seems to require a MAJOR sacrifice of self .And I’m ashamed to admit that one of the things I am most afraid of sacrificing is the thrill of the chase while single. Its so much easier than being in a relationship. Being committed to someone is literally the hardest day to day experience that Ive ever had to endure. Yet something inside me keeps pulling me that direction.

    At this point she thinks that we should take 1-2 years break for her to at least have one more travel experience before settling down and in that time I should continue to heal my wounds.

    I would love to know your thoughts
    Thanks so much for your work Sheryl.

  105. Hi Sheryl! If you read this, it would mean the world to me if you could answer!
    I have kind of an unique case- I have had relationship anxiety for the most 8 months out of my 11-month relationship, which was triggered when I realized my boyfriend and I had to go long-distance. We had the most magical relationship- it was filled with such joy, respect, and laughter that I have never felt before. I knew despite 3 months that this was something special. After leaving him , I had the most classic case of it- the intrusive thoughts, fretting over how I didn’t know if I loved him enough, or if a future was possible, or if he was attractive enough. I was even terrified to go and see him again, scared of the feelings that I didn’t want to. However, I pushed myself to see him, and had the most amazing experience ever! However, since I came back, my anxiety has seemed to flip- I am constantly worried about the lack of time we have together, panic we he doesn’t text me, or anxious when he spends times with another girl, which is more typical of separation anxiety. Can I still take your course if my feelings have flipped? Your course had seemed perfect for me before! Thank you!

    • Yes, Padma, the course is still applicable. Relationship anxiety can easily flip from “do I love him enough?” to “does he love me enough?”. The common variable is “enough”, and that’s what my course addresses in depth.

  106. Hi Sheryl! I suffer greatly from what you describe as relationship anxiety, and have done so on and off for a few years. Three years ago I found out that my boyfriend had been unfaithful. We have since done a lot of work and I want to truly move past it, but am scared that my truth behind the anxiety is that I just won’t be able to truly forgive and forget. The intrusive thoughts rarely have to do with the cheating though, but are more often in the style of “what if I don’t really love him anymore”, “what if I’m just convincing myself to stay because leaving would be a failure/I’m scared to be alone/I don’t want to hurt him” etc. Also, I have suffered from worry and anxiety since childhood, which leads me to believe that I would have this anxiety even if the cheating had not happened, but that the cheating was a trigger. I was wondering if the course would help me work through the pain of past events as well as my general (relationship) anxiety? I really want to learn how to manage my anxiety, not just for the sake of my relationship but even more for my own well-being.

    • Yes the course would help you work through your past pain as well as your long-standing anxiety. However, the betrayal itself needs its own thorough attention, and to be fully healed, couples therapy is usually required.

  107. Hi.
    I am currently in a relationship but have gone to end it several times to get the relief i crave. This is because when in the relationship I am in a constant state of anxiety. Do I love him. Am i attracted. I’m taking up his time so if I have doubts I should let him go and be happy. And so it goes on. I have recently moved to the spare room because I am too scared to ‘lead him on’ so to speak. We have had a number of conversations where i end the relationship only for me to have that amazing moment of clarity when I realise- I do love him after all. But the next day, I’m back to the doubting. Other people have now asked me (admittedly they were drunk) if I love him, if I want to be with him, so I feel terrible that I am giving off that vibe. I’m at the end of my tether.
    But I know if I end the relationship my anxiety will move on to something else.

  108. Dear Sheryl,

    I’m sure you get these messages everyday, but I needed to thank you for everything you have done for my relationship and my life. Your work gave me clarity in the most anxious and confusing time in my life. I feel that I am reaching the end of my relationship anxiety and I couldn’t be more grateful for the Break Free ecourse, the forum, and the reading list. I know that if I ever reach an anxious point in my life, I can handle my own emotions. That is the greatest gift I’ve ever received. You are doing God’s work and are helping so many people. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.


    • Beautiful, Linda. Thank you so much for sharing your experience here.

  109. Dear Sheryl,

    I just made my purchase of the break free webcourse and can’t say how excited I am to get started on this. My wife and I have been together for six years both dating and married and I feel I have been suffering from relationship anxiety for most of the last decade. I’m having a very tough time. It seems like I’ll be fine for months at a time and all of a sudden I’m basically paralyzed with fear about our relationship and that I can’t be in the right one because I’m experiencing this fear. I’m very hopeful that this will help. I know I love her very much and I want to be able to enjoy her without having intrusive thoughts and anxieties plaguing my mind. I don’t want this affecting my life anymore.


    • You’re in the right place, Jrobb. Help is on the way.

  110. I’ve been trying to download the free assessment (did it twice already). Still no email came through. help! i already checked my bulk folder and nothing.

    • Please try clearing your cache and cookies and trying again.

  111. Hello,
    Can anybody help me and give me some advice please? I wouldn’t really appreciate some reassurance as I feel as though I am running out of hope. Thank you in advance to whomever may offer their help to me 🙂
    It’s going to be a bit of a long story but please bear with me.

    I just recently (5-6 weeks ago) went into my first relationship. The man I am with, I couldn’t be more grateful to have someone like him in my life.
    He is wonderful. He is very kind, loving, understanding, accepting (He has never made me feel judged for anything I have told him. Both the good and the bad.)
    He is patient (I went through severe depression and massive anxiety and he always stood by my side, always supporting me.)
    He is genuine, respectful, wise, intelligent, funny, sensitive, gentle, considerate, etc..
    I am his first relationship as well. Before this he always considered living his life alone. But we found each other and we both fell for the other.
    We started off as friends (we met on an app, both struggling with gender identity issues (now going much better:)
    We are long distance as we have never met (we live in separate countries, and we both don’t have the means to travel to be with each other.)
    We instantly connected in that we struggled with gender identity issues.
    Then our friendship only began deepening from there. Until soon after, we began talking for long hours everyday and always greeting each other good morning and night (we still do:)
    I began going through an intense infatuation stage very early on. Downright to how he looks to who he is as a person. The connection we had was something I had longed for so long. He was godsent and we even called each other soulmates. I was so infatuated (though I struggled to call it love as it never felt quite that way though I always deeply cared for him and loved him (still do) and we always encourage one another, support each others dreams, ect..) but being infatuated was so draining. I would go from feeling like I was on cloud 9 and waking up in the middle of the night with a wide smile on my face unable to stop thinking how much I loved him. To suddenly going through bouts of depression and intense panic and suicidal thoughts feeling like I couldn’t go on (to the point I seriously considered calling a hot-line crisis.) it was so much pain.
    Still, I would often wonder how often I had to wait until I could let him know I had all these feelings for him because the thought of him being with another girl pained me (even though I did accept it was a

  112. Sorry, I sent before being done :p

    Even though I accepted it was a possibility).
    Eventually though, it became too much and I told him.
    He then revealed he too was in love with me. I think that caused both intense excitement and panic (still does when he tells me he is in love with me.) because i couldn’t stop heavy breathing for at least 5 mins (to the point I feel lightheaded.)
    What ensued next though, was me being unsure as to wether I wanted a relationship with him because it caused me so much anxiety, depression and anger at times.
    But I thought, here is this wonderful person who treats me with utmost kindness and love and with whom I share something wonderful and special with. I felt if I chose to pass on this, I could miss a wonderful experience with him as my partner.
    So I am now just girlfriend.
    He is still just as wonderful as ever but for my part, I’ve experienced more pain then joy. I never went through a honeymoon phase with him. Because I’ve always been plagued by anxiety, depression, sadness, dread, doubts (I don’t love him. There is someone else, you’re just staying because your eyes too afraid to hurt him or because he treats you great, you’re hurting him, etc..) feelings of suffocation as if I couldn’t go on, fear, suicidal thoughts, etc.. and such intensely pain that I was unable to feel love for him when all I want is to feel love for him. I’m still not sure which side to believe. The one that feels happy, rush of excitement and joy with him, even bits of love here and then, tingles all over my body when he tells me certain things, my heart that jumps when he says loving things, attraction to him, teary eyes when I tell him how wonderful he is, or the parts of me that scream in pain, uncertainty, fear, sadness and doubts most of the time.
    When I came across your site Sheryl, I was (and still am) very grateful. It has brought me so much reassurance to read other’s strories as well as the things you wrote/write.
    However, now I am more concerned then ever. I have been feeling less and less depression and anxiety. I still wake up feeling a sense of dread sometimes. But it’s going better regarding anxiety it seems. I feel calmer nowadays, and I’m able to feel happier. But what still upsets me is that I am unable to feel love for my bf. I feel as if most of what I feel for him is something closer to lust (even though I am not always in the mood for him that way. But I always feel guilty for my sexuality towards him (it’s new to me. I’ve struggled with sexual identity for a long time too.)
    I don’t wish to purely feel attraction to him (and not even always do I feel it.) I wish to feel loved and loving of him as he feels of and for me. I wish he could make my day as I make his. And not being able to feel this way when he does, it hurts deep down. Now I’m feeling more indifferent to that. It feels as if my thoughts no longer affect me so much, as if I’m numbing up. I feel fine (though not always. I still feel guilty about my sexual desires with him, I still feel as if i’m fake, using or hurting him, I still feel sad deep down. I’m upset I can’t feel love.) also, a more uncomfortable feeling has appeared. Deep down I feel a sense of repulsion towards him. I’m not sure why or why it’s even there. It feels awful though. I’m not sure it seems caused by fears guarding my heart. When I daydream about him, I used to feel so excited about it. Now I feel fear, anxiety, that uncomfortable feeling, gentless though, a bit of affection too, etc..) it’s more calm. Not exciting much. It feels as if I’m falling out of love with him. But I don’t want to. Nor do I wish to breakup with him. The mere thought of it sets me highly anxious and makes me want to cry. I don’t understand why I’m feeling this way. So calm all of a sudden but still unable to feel that love I long to feel for him. I feel as I feel it’s driving me apart from him a little. He knows of what I’m going through and he accepts me just the way I am still. He really is wonderful and I wish to spend my life with this loving man. It feels right but at the same time, the feeling of discomfort returns slightly, along with fear of some kind which makes me see him as distant and cold. Despite all of this, he is there in my heart. I feel him somewhere in my heart. Feels like a sort of longing towards him, but I’m not exactly sure what it is.
    A couple thing I think could affect me are that I was brought up in an abusive home. From age 2-10 (my step dad). Abused me physically, emotionally and mentally (as well as sexually perhaps.) mostly he did this when my mom wasn’t home. Then he would act all loving towards me. Ive never had many friends. My childhood best friend left me at some point and it broke my heart. Took me years to get over her. Then I also fell for a player. He broke my heart. So I promised myself not to fall for anyone drying years. Then, even though I felt afraid I accepted that in whichever form love would appear in my life (man, woman, trans, etc..) I would accept it. And my best friend and companion did. The most wonderlful partner I could ask for. Literally a combination of many daydream conpanions I have come up with during the years.
    I am afraid also because I am afraid to hurt him somehow. To be like me childhood step dad in a way. I am afraid to use him or be a player (I never wish I hurt him. I would hate myself for it (and i already kinda do.)) I have had dreams that have told me to love myself more. That I am not selfish. Dreams where I cuddled with my bf and I felt so happy. Dreams that spoke of overcoming my fear of intimacy with him. Dreams that told me I’m on the right journey. Dreams that asked me to let him “reach my soul” so that I may genuinely love and feel loved.
    Also more anxiety inducing dreams that speak of my fear of commitment (what if we divorce (in the dream he wanted to marry me.) I fear marriage irl because no divorce (my mom had a very compliacted one with my ex step dad for years.) dreams that’s spoke of my fear of not loving or sexual guilt regarding him (as well as sexual acceptance and exploration (in a safe space.) regarding him.) dreams where I don’t feel anything for him (and he always feels uncomfortable with touch of any kind, loving words, worries or a lack of emotions.) etc..
    Do you think I’m facing relationship anxiety? Even with the deep discomfort, lack of love feeling, and odd calmness I have nowadays?
    Can I ever come to gel love for him? To open my heart to him(I actually succeeded for a bit on 2 ocasions. I didn’t last long but I felt in love, hope, joy, anxiety, peacefulness and I thought of how wonderful it felt to love him.) but I’m not feeling anymore it seems. I don’t want to be out of love. I want to stay in a happy, lifelong, loving, healing relationship the him.
    He’s able to fully be himself with me (he told me that.) and ive found an incredible person in him. But I’m missing this connection i felt with him when in the throes of infatuation.
    I don’t understand what I’m going through or why. Can anyone give me some advice or opinion please?
    Thank you so much for taking the time to read until this far 🙂

    • You might receive a response here but if you truly want dedicated and skilled support I recommend that you sign up for the course so that you can receive support on the forum. At the very list, please sign up for the free Sampler at the top of the page.

      • Thank you for your reply Sheryl.
        Unfortunately at the moment I cannot afford the course. But I’ll find a way to attend to it as soon as possible:)
        I wasn’t sure where to write so I thought here would do. But I’ll sign up for the free sampler 🙂
        Do you think I have relationship anxiety though? Do you feel the course could help me?
        Thank you. I apologize for asking. I would just like to be reassured is all.

  113. Mostly, I’m afraid to work with myslef, on opening my heart because I keep thinking, what if i find out I really don’t want to be with him ir that I don’t dont love him? I feel less in touch with my spiritual side, but that’s because I’m afraid.
    I’m afraid to love myself because I keep thinking if I do, I’ll stop loving him.
    I’m afraid to accept his love, because I’m afraid it’s selfish or he won’t love me.

  114. Hello,

    I am hearing impaired. Are the videos in the break free from relationship anxiety close captioned?

    Best regards, Chris

    • I’m sorry to say that it’s not.

  115. Hello,

    I am so relieved from reading these posts that i am not the only person going through theE things! My mind tends to make me feel like a nut case and I’m the only person struggling with these things. My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. It’s been absolutely wonderful. I’ve never meshed so well with someone and been so happy. Around thanksgiving my ex of 3 years tried to reach out and become “civil” with me. This was very difficult because my ex was narcissistic and a completely unhealthy break up get back together relationship. My current boyfriend and I started dating a few month after me ex and i broke up but it was because we hit it off so well. I had never been happier so i didn’t not want to let a good opportunity pass me by just because my last relationship was so crappy. I never want to go back to someone like that and I was way better off without him. As soon as my ex tried to reach out to me about a week later i started getting a lot of relationship anxiety with my current boyfriend. I was so confused, doubtful, and filled with guilt. I couldn’t understand why i have been so happy but it’s like a flip switched in my head and all my feelings for my current boyfriend were hidden or gone. I was so frustrated with myself because i knew in my heart how happy i was with my current boyfriend and how he was and has been everything I’ve ever wanted. I began searching the web and over analyzing everything.. “do i love him” “is the the right one” “out of the honeymoon phase” “falling out of love” “how to get that love feeling back”…. all of these thoughts and doubts began to manifest my relationship. I’d be so nervous and anxious around him.. now I’ve gotteb to a point where my mind and body are so exhausted that it’s telling me to just break up and take the easy way out when it’s not what i want at all. I can’t tell if this is my gut trying to tell me something or if this is just my fear and anxiety trying to stop me from being happy.. My current boyfriend know all of the things I’ve been feeling and is very loving and supporting and willing to help me work through all of these things. I have some days where i feel good and better again but then thoughts begin to creep in and my stomach becomes nervous again. I am really intrigued by all of these posts and even the posts about people who have taken your course.. i am really needing some help because i do not want to throw away the best thing that has ever happened to me all because of my anxiety from my ex..

    • I’m not sure why it posted again with a different name below! I am sorry about that! I could really use some advice while I’m saving up money to get into your course.

  116. Hello,

    I am so relieved from reading these posts that i am not the only person going through theE things! My mind tends to make me feel like a nut case and I’m the only person struggling with these things. My current boyfriend and I have been together for a year now. It’s been absolutely wonderful. I’ve never meshed so well with someone and been so happy. Around thanksgiving my ex of 3 years tried to reach out and become “civil” with me. This was very difficult because my ex was narcissistic and a completely unhealthy break up get back together relationship. My current boyfriend and I started dating a few month after me ex and i broke up but it was because we hit it off so well. I had never been happier so i didn’t not want to let a good opportunity pass me by just because my last relationship was so crappy. I never want to go back to someone like that and I was way better off without him. As soon as my ex tried to reach out to me about a week later i started getting a lot of relationship anxiety with my current boyfriend. I was so confused, doubtful, and filled with guilt. I couldn’t understand why i have been so happy but it’s like a flip switched in my head and all my feelings for my current boyfriend were hidden or gone. I was so frustrated with myself because i knew in my heart how happy i was with my current boyfriend and how he was and has been everything I’ve ever wanted. I began searching the web and over analyzing everything.. “do i love him” “is the the right one” “out of the honeymoon phase” “falling out of love” “how to get that love feeling back”…. all of these thoughts and doubts began to manifest my relationship. I’d be so nervous and anxious around him.. now I’ve gotteb to a point where my mind and body are so exhausted that it’s telling me to just break up and take the easy way out when it’s not what i want at all. I can’t tell if this is my gut trying to tell me something or if this is just my fear and anxiety trying to stop me from being happy.. My current boyfriend know all of the things I’ve been feeling and is very loving and supporting and willing to help me work through all of these things. I have some days where i feel good and better again but then thoughts begin to creep in and my stomach becomes nervous again. I am really intrigued by all of these posts and even the posts about people who have taken your course.. i am really needing some help because i do not want to throw away the best thing that has ever happened to me all because of my anxiety from my ex..

    • You’re describing textbook relationship anxiety and if you can’t afford the course yet I recommend that you read through all of my posts and the comments. Many people have been able to break through their relationship anxiety from my blog alone.

      • Are there any other tools or things that i can do in order to help how I’m feeling now and put myself at ease?

        • Paige, I have some great news for you. You’re in the right place!

          My story is VERY similar to yours, and I have been following Sheryl’s work on this site for a year now. I was with my ex for almost 5 years until I broke up with him for a number of reasons – mainly that it was totally unhealthy and our lives/goals were not aligning. I met my current boyfriend about 5 months later, and although I wasn’t looking for a relationship at the time, he was such an amazing person that I couldn’t pass up the opportunity. Everything was amazing, I felt so lucky and I simply couldn’t believe someone like this existed; he was everything I had ever wanted in a partner. 8 Months into our relationship, he said “I love you” and I said it back after waiting months for him to say it! I was absolutely over the moon, bragging to everyone in my family, totally on cloud 9. A few days later, my world crashed. My first intrusive thought was, “Is this really the life you want?” and my head started to spin. I got physically ill several times, and didn’t recover for many days. I lost 17 pounds in 2 weeks because I couldn’t eat. The pain, physically and emotionally, was draining and I had no idea what was happening to me and why I was having these thoughts and doubts about my relationship when just the week before, I was loudly celebrating our love for each other.

          This website has been my lifeline. The feelings you’re feeling are just that, feelings. You control how you respond to them. These thoughts you’re having are your fears jumping in front of your windshield, trying to protect you from being hurt. You still have pain to work through, whether it’s from something in your childhood, your relationship with your ex, or a number of other things! Read Sheryl’s blog, and read, and read some more. If you would like to talk more, feel free to reach out to me. Here are a few of Sheryl’s posts that are my favorites:

          Sending lots of love and peace to you, Paige, and welcome to the beginning of your journey! 🙂

          • Such a generous and loving response, Alyssa ;).

          • Thank you so much for your response! I will definitely look into these articles! Since we have been through the same situation! How long did it take you to heal from all of these anxieties and find that happy place with your man again? And what are some other things you did in order to push through this phase of anxiety and dealing with it.

          • I started going to yoga twice a week, which helped me physically, mentally and emotionally. I read this site several times per week. Every comment is another story and another person going through similar things. I wrote down everything I could remember about my panic attack. I started seeing a new therapist to get a new perspective. I saw my primary doctor and he wrote me a very low dose of daily medication for anxiety. But honestly, I did what Sheryl suggests to do in her writing. These intrusive thoughts are just that, and once you get to a place where you can label them as such, you take back control. You ask yourself “ok I am having this thought. Why am I having this thought? Is there a part of me that’s unhappy or uncomfortable right now?” I would even ask myself questions like “Am I hungry? Where am I in my cycle(was I hormonal)? Because I was asking myself questions, I was consciously being curious about my thoughts instead of succumbing to them. I had to learn that it’s ok to be sad about leaving my “single life” behind, and I didn’t have to feel head over heels for my boyfriend all of the time!

            In terms of time, it took me about 3-4 months until the “in love” feelings came back. I had about 6 months of clarity, of times without much anxiety. However, I was still here on this site once a week reading up on the latest posts and comments. It is certainly not a quick fix. In fact, the past couple months have been very hard on me outside of my relationship, and of course that has been projecting onto my boyfriend, and I’ve been anxious. The anxiety ebbs and flows (as you’ll read very much about) but for me, it’s about learning as much as I can about myself in those times of clarity, so I can more easily handle the next time it gets bad. When the bad thoughts or feelings come, try to not push them away immediately. It’s ok to feel them. Absorb them, accept them for what they are: passing thoughts. They will pass, the bad feelings are only temporary!

          • Alyssa, i am still struggling! I have finally found a therapist that i can connect with and seems to be helping but i feel like i have dug myself so deal in my anxiety that i won’t be able to recover my relationship. My projections and intrusive thoughts have never left so real.. almost like i don’t even remember what it feels like to be with Brice anymore. I get really nervous and anxious going to see him and be with him because I’m scared i won’t feel the same. I have never loved someone so much and i just want those feelings back. Is there anyway that you can get in contact with me through email.. i am really struggling and DO NOT want to end things with the best man I’ve ever been with.

          • Paige, my email is “[email protected]” feel free to get into contact with me! Keep reading Sheryl’s blog posts and all the comments! I certainly won’t be as helpful as Sheryl but I can do my best! I am still struggling too, a year later 🙂 But I am in a much better place than I was back then. Don’t give up!

  117. Hello everyone,

    I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in my early 20s ( I’m now 33) I have been on medication since then, and with the combination of therapy I have honestly been the happiest, carefree person for years. A few years back, when I first found Sheryl’s work, I was doing what most people do when they have the ‘what if I don’t love my partner enough’ thoughts. It was sparked I think, by the fact that I realized my boyfriend ( now husband) were serious and that we could actually be together forever. I battled with anxiety for weeks, until I enrolled in Trust Yourself which helped greatly. By the time my boyfriend proposed 2 years ago, I was the happiest girl on the planet. I had a beautiful engagement and just to make sure I kept my relationship anxiety in check, I completed the Conscious Weddings course. I had the most beautiful wedding day when we got married this past June. The intrusive thought I always get “what if he’s not intelligent enough” wasn’t even in my thoughts. I was just blissfully happy. I didn;t even get the Post-Wedding blues I thought I would get. So i dropped down my anti-anxiety medication over the summer to the lowest possible dose–not even a therapeutic one really. Anyhow, fast forward to three weeks ago, when a minor health issue sent me into an anxiety relapse. ( I also have terrible health anxiety) Not sleeping, panic attacks etc etc. It was an irregular heartbeat that I had, which interestingly enough, went away when I went to a Yin Yoga class and just let my body be. I went back to being ok for a couple of days, but my doctor suggested I go up on my meds. So I did. Apparently, one of the side effects of the meds, is increased anxiety, insomnia and panic. So, I started feeling that again.I didn’t have my heart issue to worry about anymore, so of course the following entered my brain: “What if I’m not ‘in love’ with my husband? What if I just settled and now I’m realizing it? What if I really don’t know who I am, and I realize I’m not supposed to be in this relationship??” INTELLIGENCE has always been the hook for me. I went to university and he didn’t, and although he reads and is smart, I always think “would I be happier with someone that read poetry with me? That had a passion for literature like me?” Is this a common hook? Also, another familiar one— ” “What if I find my ‘true’ self and realize I don’t want to be with him?” ( Just writing this makes me want to have a panic attack). All those old familiar thoughts, except this time, now that my anxiety is in overdrive, it’s causing me panic attacks, I’m terrified to be alone. I know that I have felt this before and once my medication kicks in, this won’t distress me so much. My question is, does anyone have any advice in dealing with this? My rational mind tells me that my anxiety just latches on to whatever my worst fears are, and that it’s tricking me into believing these thoughts. I just want to get back to where I was–so happy and content. Is this just a setback? Being on medication in the past has been a loving choice for me, because it has allowed the panic to calm down enough for me to actually absorb the work. I just signed up for the Break Free course. I am nervous about starting it, but really hope it will help me. Does this sound like a classic case of relationship anxiety?

  118. Hi Sheryl. First off, I am so grateful I found your work.
    I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder in my early 20s ( I’m now 33) I have been on medication since then, and with the combination of therapy I have honestly been the happiest, carefree person for years. A few years back, when I first found Sheryl’s work, I was doing what most people do when they have the ‘what if I don’t love my partner enough’ thoughts. It was sparked I think, by the fact that I realized my boyfriend ( now husband) were serious and that we could actually be together forever. I battled with anxiety for weeks, until I enrolled in Trust Yourself which helped greatly. By the time my boyfriend proposed 2 years ago, I was the happiest girl on the planet. I had a beautiful engagement and just to make sure I kept my relationship anxiety in check, I completed the Conscious Weddings course. I had the most beautiful wedding day when we got married this past June. The intrusive thought I always get “what if he’s not intelligent enough” wasn’t even in my thoughts. I was just blissfully happy. I didn;t even get the Post-Wedding blues I thought I would get. So i dropped down my anti-anxiety medication over the summer to the lowest possible dose–not even a therapeutic one really. Anyhow, fast forward to three weeks ago, when a minor health issue sent me into an anxiety relapse. ( I also have terrible health anxiety) Not sleeping, panic attacks etc etc. It was an irregular heartbeat that I had, which interestingly enough, went away when I went to a Yin Yoga class and just let my body be. I went back to being ok for a couple of days, but my doctor suggested I go up on my meds. So I did. Apparently, one of the side effects of the meds, is increased anxiety, insomnia and panic. So, I started feeling that again.I didn’t have my heart issue to worry about anymore, so of course the following entered my brain: “What if I’m not ‘in love’ with my husband? What if I just settled and now I’m realizing it? What if I really don’t know who I am, and I realize I’m not supposed to be in this relationship??” INTELLIGENCE has always been the hook for me. I went to university and he didn’t, and although he reads and is smart, I always think “would I be happier with someone that read poetry with me? That had a passion for literature like me?” Is this a common hook? Also, another familiar one— ” “What if I find my ‘true’ self and realize I don’t want to be with him?” ( Just writing this makes me want to have a panic attack). All those old familiar thoughts, except this time, now that my anxiety is in overdrive, it’s causing me panic attacks, I’m terrified to be alone. I know that I have felt this before and once my medication kicks in, this won’t distress me so much. My question is, does anyone have any advice in dealing with this? My rational mind tells me that my anxiety just latches on to whatever my worst fears are, and that it’s tricking me into believing these thoughts. I just want to get back to where I was–so happy and content. Is this just a setback? Being on medication in the past has been a loving choice for me, because it has allowed the panic to calm down enough for me to actually absorb the work. I just signed up for the Break Free course. I am nervous about starting it, but really hope it will help me. Does this sound like a classic case of relationship anxiety?

    • Yes, it’s classic relationship anxiety and I hope you’ve found guidance through the course.

  119. Hey everyone, I’m currently in a predicament that seems like relationship anxiety but I’m not too sure… I need some help.

    I’ve had my current boyfriend for almost 9 months now and it was pure bliss until about a month ago. It was in the middle of college finals and anxiety when I started feeling this way. We got in a small fight (but we have gotten in small fights before and they never seemed to be bad and this one wasn’t either). We made up and then I called my mom and told her about it and she asked me if I was losing feelings for him in anyway or falling out of love and that’s when it all kicked in. When I finished my finals, he visited me (we have a long distance relationship of about 3 hours). And all felt better for me. My thoughts subsided, I cried and told him about everything that was going on, he told me he understood. I felt so guilty anyway but once we had gotten on the road together to go back home (winter break had just started for me), I was feeling a little bit better and the stress went away for the time being. Then a few days later, my stress came back during a very terrible family vacation that I went on over Christmas. It was long and difficult and my thoughts cam creeping back. Once I got back home from vacation they went wild!

    I would go from wanting to be with him so badly to getting myself to think I didn’t actually want to spend time with him. It makes me think, is he the one, am I feeling anxious because I want to leave him but am too scared to? Is there someone else out there who better suits my personality and needs? Occasionally I’ll think about breaking up but I know it would hurt him and also myself. He’s such a great guy and has everything I have ever wanted… he’s funny, quirky, and cute, tall, attractive, athletic, and adventurous. He’s the total package with no red flags. He and I have similar future goals too. He talks about a future with me all the time but it just spikes my anxiety more because what if I don’t actually want one? What if I end things? Now I feel like my mind is numb… I feel like I can’t focus on school work (I’m now back at college from break) and it hurts. He’s going to visit me soon and my anxiousness feels like it’s pushing him away from. What if this is the end of us? Are we supposed to break up now that feelings and thoughts are so negative about him? Can he still make me happy? Are we even compatible anymore?

    FYI, in the past I’ve had issues with anxiety (separation from my parents in elementary school and in middle school, asking myself “what if I’m gay?” in high school and worrying over and over again, and having panic attacks when speaking about death occasionally, having panic attacks in random situations).


  120. WHere can i find this course sampler?

    • The sampler is now in two parts: the assessment and the Sampler that contains interviews with men struggling with attraction (which is really for everyone). You can find both near the top of the page.

  121. Dear Sheryl ,

    Your site has given me a reason to fight even more for my relationship and for my great ,beautiful , loving , amazing man , that has been with me for over 5 years and still has the patience and love to support me during my relapse .

    First of all let me inform that i come from Greece , therefore please excuse my English.

    At my fist serious relationship , almost 8 years ago , i literally drove my ex boyfriend to brake up with me because of my behavior. I woke up one morning after 2 years and i realized that i was not attracted to him , it bothered me that he had gained weight , i could not stand been touched .. I tried a lot , i cried a lot but at the end i thought it was inevitable.

    My current boyfriend and i , met 3 months after the break up . I was in a messed up place but I slowly started to have feelings for him . Until out of the blue , i wake up one morning having the same thoughts. “Is he tall enough?” ” How can i love him since he is thinner than me? ” , ” I think his facial characteristic ie his nose , is not something that i can look at the rest of my life”, “Maybe i can find someone perfect” and i really hated my self for having these thoughts. But this time i knew , i knew that something was wrong. Yes we did have our ups and downs, yes we were attracted by other people , we had some fights over jealousy , but nothing less than a long term relationship has faced through the years. It was then that i decided to visit a psychologist who really helped me and told me that my relationship is not the problem , but other than that i was fighting demons that i could not understand with the help and support of by beloved boyfriend.

    As time passed , i thought that the blocked feelings and insecurities had vanished. Until one month ago. We were thrilled , amused and really happy about making our decision of living together in a year. Then , all of a sadden , i got back to my house and started panicking . The panic was so familiar , and it just made me so terrified. Since then i started thinking what happened. I started questioning our incomes , and in case that i made more money than him if i would be bothered, then i started thinking AGAIN about his attractiveness, whether i loved him or not , whether i was getting bored after 5 years . I got really afraid that i am being so superficial and i will never be happy . All this created a wall in my heart , where i can feel happy sometimes but some other times i can not feel the connection we had. Sometimes i can no wait for him to come to my place and just hug me or kiss me and some other times i just want to run back to my place when anxiety hits.

    I am terrified and i really do not want to mess things up again. I know that he is the one for me , i know that you don’t just stop loving someone overnight and i also know that i want to experience so many things with him , but my mind keeps telling me that you will always feel stressed and anxious and you will not be able to enjoy any of this moments.Which eventually , when these moments come , i am indeed anxious and stressed most of the time. When he calls me or texts me i always want to hear from him , but after picking up the phone or opening the text message ,i start thinking what i feel etc.

    I have also send You a personal message , asking if i am suitable for the “Break Free From Relationship Anxiety” course and if i can receive the files in Greece.

    I really hope to get an answer back since i want to keep him in my life and return back to the way we were.

    Thank you in advance,

    • The course would be ideal for you and yes, as long as you have internet access you can receive the files internationally as it’s all delivered digitally.

      • Dear Sheryl ,

        Thank you for your prompt reply. Is it true that all of the people who decided to take the course had never concluded that they had to break up? This is my only fear for trying the course

        • Almost everyone believes that the only solution to the pain of relationship anxiety is to end the relationship. That’s the mind’s escape hatch to try to avoid pain and taking responsibility for the need to heal that lives inside of you and has nothing to do with the relationship.

          • Thank you for being so approachable and kind. I will try it out then!

  122. Dear Sheryl ,

    I have just starded your e-course and i would like to thank you for explaining in a unique way each step. I started crying just by watching your welcome video .

    I want to be with my wonderfull man and i want to learn to accept me and him and be together , and live together in a year as we were arranging. I know that , i want to experience that , but i am so afraid. It is like something holding me back … it is like i want to take a deep breath and someone wont let me… But i believe that through your work and my work i will be able to give him and myself the love that we deserve!

    Could you please let me know if there is a problem watching the videos first and then going through the articles and materials of your e-course?

    thank you really , even if you do not know me personaly , it feels like your e course was made personaly for me. <3

    • I’m so glad the course is resonating with you, and yes, you can go through the videos first.

      • Dear SHeryl ,

        From your blog and now from the e course , i am trying a lot to find out what is my fear , that my projection is trying to hide and i can not find a solid reason. Many thoughts have entered my mind with the most common one to be my wrong ideas abour real love and that my ego is fighting to make me believe that i have to feel deep feelings . Due to the anxiety i can not feel the connection that 1 month ago was there and i know that this occurs from the anxiety and fear. How can i know that the real reason behind the projection is the one mentioned above? When you believe that you found the reason it supposed to feel like an epiphany ” Oh yes , that is what is torturing me”?

        I believe that this might be it , and i want to work toward my fear , but i am not sure if this is the reason.

  123. I’ve had my current boyfriend for 9 months now and it was pure bliss until about two months ago. It was in the middle of college finals and anxiety when I started feeling this way. We got in a small fight (but we have gotten in small fights before and they never seemed to be bad and this one wasn’t either). We made up and then I called my mom and told her about it and she asked me if I was losing feelings for him in any way or falling out of love and that’s when it all kicked in. When I finished my finals, he visited me (we have a long distance relationship of about 3 hours). And all felt better for me. My thoughts subsided, I cried and told him about everything that was going on, he told me he understood. I felt so guilty anyway but once we had gotten on the road together to go back home (winter break had just started for me), I was feeling a little bit better and the stress went away for the time being. Then a few days later, my stress came back during a very terrible family vacation that I went on over Christmas. It was long and difficult and my thoughts cam creeping back. Once I got back home from vacation they went wild!

    I would go from wanting to be with him so badly to getting myself to think I didn’t actually want to spend time with him. It makes me think, is he the one, am I feeling anxious because I want to leave him but am too scared to? Is there someone else out there who better suits my personality and needs? Occasionally I’ll think about breaking up but I know it would hurt him and also myself. He’s such a great guy and has everything I have ever wanted… he’s funny, quirky, and cute, tall, attractive, athletic, and adventurous. He’s the total package with no red flags. He and I have similar future goals too. He talks about a future with me all the time but it just spikes my anxiety more because what if I don’t actually want one? What if I end things? Now I feel like my mind is numb… I feel like I can’t focus on school work (I’m now back at college from break) and it hurts. He’s going to visit me soon and my anxiousness feels like it’s pushing him away from. What if this is the end of us? Are we supposed to break up now that feelings and thoughts are so negative about him? Can he still make me happy? Are we even compatible anymore?

    FYI, in the past I’ve had issues with anxiety (separation from my parents in elementary school and in middle school, asking myself “what if I’m gay?” in high school and worrying over and over again, and having panic attacks when speaking about death occasionally, having panic attacks in random situations).


    • Hey there! I am in a similar kinda boat. I am in a LDR about three hours too. I do think of breaking up too, like I was forcing him to do long distance and now I might not want to be with him. But he is so awesome, no real red flags except commitment issues (which I feel I have had just didn’t realize until now (my parents were divorced when I was born so I was missing that father figure in my life)). Sometimes I feel like my real fear is staying with him and I am just trying to make myself feel comfortable but in reality I don’t want to be with anyone : [

      I feel like in some ways, from all the stuff that I read, maybe our problem derives from the fact that we depend too much on our partners for happiness. Once we panic or feel like the honeymoon phase is ending we don’t get that hype we used to get with them. I depended on him a lot for happiness (I still do, but now I just feel guilty and confused about it afterwards), which is natural at first, but now we gotta find our own ways, I think. Its hard, really hard.

  124. Hi Sheryl,
    Sorry for my English. I am Spanish.
    I am doing your course Break Free from Relationship Anxiety
    But I am very worried. I don’t have anxiety, but I am very worried.
    I am in a relationship for eight years, and one year ago, we moved to live together.
    I am always thinking that he is different than me. I am more happier, and he is more serious. And maybe I get connected with my true self but when he arrives serious, I am get very worried and sad.
    I am very worried because now when I am alone at home, normally I am more happy, calm and more connected with myself than when I am with him. So I think than maybe I don’t want to waste my time with him, and I am worry about this. I want to discover the truth about what happens to me.
    Maybe we are too different to stay together. Or maybe I more happy when I am alone. Or maybe I don’t leave him because I don’t want to get hurted when we leave.
    I leave him 4 years ago for my intrusive thoughts and was horrible. I think that I don’t leave him because is more easy to stay with him and don’t live the difficult breaking off.
    I know he is gentle and kind, but sometimes serious and complainer and this affects me a lot.
    I don’t know how to do.
    By the way, I take antidepressives for a year, and currently I suffer thyroid cancer.
    Thank you for your advice. I have been following you for months, but now I have finally decided to start the course. I admire you a lot

  125. Hi Sheryl,
    I am in lesson 1, and I am learning the root causes of anxiety. You say that when you are vale to name the fear, you can turn away the protección and you can ser your partner as he is. My question is: if I get this and finally I ser my partner how he is and I dont like it? I think that my partner is too serious and less funny, so I have fear of seeing the qualities of him that I dont like it, and I have to leave him. If you dont like some qualities of your partner, do you have to leave him? I am very worried about that. Thank you so much
    You are a wonderful person.
    Im Spanish, and since I have discovered your blog, I am more calm
    Thank you so much for your work

    • Welcome to the course ;). As soon as you’ve had the course for two weeks you will receive access to the e-course forum and you can ask all of your questions there.

  126. Hey there! I never thought I would actually post something on here. I have just been using it to read blog posts and similar stories on the comment section down below to see if people were going through the same thing.
    I have been with my boyfriend since March of last year and things were great. We had similar interests and shared a lot of common ways of thinking. The thing is though, I had told him that I was moving in August of 2017 and that we would see where this relationship goes (we weren’t really labeling each other as bf and gf). I was nervous about what was going to happen with us but I didn’t think too much of it because I really liked him. He met my family and attended a good amount of social gatherings but he never really felt comfortable mentioning me to his family because I was going to be moving soon. Anyways, I moved and we decided to try (but after a lot of drama and pain of breaking up and such). Things were a little rocky, we’ve taken breaks here and there but after he came to visit once in December he felt closer, which made me happy. He left and I felt super sad and unmotivated to do anything. We started to video chat every night until one night he told me about his ex-girlfriend and how it was another LDR. He didn’t want to do it, she did. They were on and off and then he wanted to commit, but she didn’t. He got really hurt. Once he told me this, something in me just asked “do you still like this guy?” I freaked out and started thinking about him obsessively, looking up “falling out of love” among other things. I got scared and looked at pictures of him to see if I felt anything. When I would smile, I would tell myself “are you just trying to convince yourself?” I was scared I was staying with him to not hurt him and that maybe I just wanted him as a friend. That passionate phase seemed to be fading and I took that as I don’t like him. I told him I was having doubts and was scared. He got mad and told me some hurtful things but then apologized afterwards. This happened a couple times, even saying that he didn’t want to waste his young adult life. I felt so anxious and scared and felt like I had to tell him everything.
    I had a boyfriend back in high school (I am 22 now) and we went out for three years, most of it being long distance. He broke up with me randomly one day and it hurt for a good two years. I had gotten scared that I would hurt this guy, who is actually very sensitive and took some time to wanna be close to me. I felt terrible. I was scared that once he wanted to get serious, I didn’t. I visited him not too long ago and had a good time. I still felt twinges of guilt and fear. I tell myself that it is okay to have these thoughts, its normal, but then the intrusive thoughts come in: are you sure? do you really care for him? are you just scared to hurt him? You don’t even know what you want. As he gets closer to me I feel scared, like I am leading him on. We decided to take a step back. We both felt that this was getting too serious and both felt scared. He has told me he doesn’t know if I am the one and stuff and just *sigh* I feel a little better, we are now kinda on the same page, but now I feel like things are crumbling apart. I want to be closer to him I just don’t know what is going on inside my head.
    I have also read up on ROCD and am seeing a therapist right now but I just wish I could be happy again, with him. I feel as if I just wanna break up and save him from my anxiety and problems.

  127. Hello, I would like to sign up for the course, I broke up with my bf but I am thinking about going back to him. Do you have a discount for students?

    Tgak you in advance!

    • Hi Isabelle. I don’t have any discounts at this time.

  128. Hi sheryl,
    I can’t register on the forum of the Relationship Anxiety course.

    In the CAPTCHA says me: “You have provided an invalid answer to the question”

    What I have to write in this question?

    • Please contact my assistant, Kathryn, and she’ll help you gain access (as long as you’re a member ;)). [email protected]

  129. Hi Sheryl,

    I have entered my information for the free assessment, and I haven’t received an email yet. I wasn’t sure if you have to wait 24 hrs?

    • You should have received it immediately. If you still haven’t received it please contact my assistant: [email protected].

  130. One last question! I am going to take both the relationship anxiety and the wedding e courses. Is there a certain order you prefer them to be taken, or does it not matter?

    • If you’re going to take both courses I would recommend taking the CW course first.

  131. When is the next break free from RA course??

    • The Break Free course is self-paced, which means you can sign up whenever you want and you’ll be guided through the material.

    • Oh perfect ty!

    • Sheryl,
      Do you think this ecourse could also help with depression?

      Like the feeling of having no purpose to life kind of depression?

      • The course addresses the roots of both anxiety and depression, but if you’re deeply struggling with depression I recommend finding a local therapist and working together weekly with him or her alongside the course material.

        • Do you have a recommendation for a therapist in Henderson/ Las Vegas?

          I have looked on the link you have shared but its hard to find one that I can trust is aware of RA and how to work with it.

    • Thank you so much

  132. Good afternoon Sheryl,
    I am im the 2nd lesson on the ecourse and you talk about music being helpful in filling your well. Ive always been into hard rock and even metal music. I was wondering what your input on that is.. Should I listen to something more mellow?

    • Any recommendations on proper EFT info? Books? Websites?

  133. Hi Sheryl,

    Your website has been very comforting as I’ve been experiencing extreme anxiety and doubts about my relationship with my boyfriend who is a true gem in my eyes. I was diagnosed with MDD and GAD at 16 and am now 23. I don’t know what triggered it but it wasn’t there one moment and then it was there the very next. I started questioning everything about our relationship; “do I love him?” “why don’t I feel connected to him?” “is this meant to be?” and all of these very intrusive thoughts that brought me to tears. Now when I talk to him, my anxiety picks everything he says apart and merely typing about it brings me to tears.

    All of that started 3 weeks ago. The first week and a half was lots of crying, weight loss, and extreme anxiety to the point that I couldn’t function. Since then, I’ve experienced a sort of numb sadness that my relationship is doomed and that I’ll never have the sweet, caring feelings I once had for him just a couple of weeks ago. I’ve been seeing a therapist, reading your blogs, and I’ve started to take an anti-depressant to curb some of the anxiety induced depression.

    The worst part is that he’s been so supportive and hopeful through all of this. I feel awful because I’m terrified that I’ll never be able to return those feelings again to him. I love him so much and I just want us to be happy together. I was considering taking your course when I can afford it but until then am just latching on to hope that all of this is just anxiety about my relationship and that I will soon return to how I once felt.

    Your blog is a huge inspiration and has been helping immensely through this difficult time.

    • Hey Hannah, how are things now ?

  134. Dear Sheryl,

    I started tuning into you after a relationship didn’t work . I noticed I get bad relationship anxiety and it has caused problems when I date. The young men broke up with me, but these young men were unhealthy too. In order to address the fear in my self I started reading and listening to you. I am dating a very good man right now, and I have stuck with it even if the feelings/chemistry/deep emotional connection were not there. In the midst of our relationship I have experienced horrible anxiety though and tears and nausea (like I have had before). Several times I almost broke up with him. I hope he is the man for me, but my feelings go all over the place. I don’t have a lot of money (self employed living with parents) and I am wondering if I should buy your e-course, or if I could get by with just your free resources. We are discussing marriage and children and I want those things with him. He loves me a lot, but we don’t always understand each other, I am so much more emotional and he rational.


    • Your story is textbook, and if you truly want to break through the anxiety I would recommend the course. It’s investment in yourself that you won’t regret and will help you not only break free from relationship anxiety but also help you navigate through the rest of your life with more grace and clarity.

      • thank you Sheryl! If we get engaged would you recommend the Break Free E-Course or the Conscious Bride Course. I get so much bad advice in terms of dating and marriage and am really trying not to listen to the advice that invokes fear. If I could only purchase one, which one would you recommend?

          • awesome, so sorry to keep replying here. I plan to start saving for the course. Now does this course address things such as my expectations for him to meet all of my emotional needs, sweep me off my feet, and romance me constantly? He is incredibly stable, faithful, and practical…though not a hard core romantic. I have dated romantic men who tried to meet all my needs, but the emotional instability (strong mood swings) made it very hard. On top of that, they engaged in risky behaviors that would make a long term relationship unsafe.

            Once again, is this the right course or are there other resources that might help? I don’t want to let a good guy go, but I wonder will we ever make sense of each other too?

  135. Hi Sheryl,
    I am seriously considering taking your course since it seems relationships never work out for me. When i start dating the “unavailable” type who have no interested in me I instantly become infatuated by the thought of being with him. However, whenever I start dating someone that i honestly believe is interested in me and putting in the effort to be with me (no red flags at all) I start doubting everything.
    Since I never feel the initial spark or chemistry with them i start doubting if i truly like them and go through a downward spiral that just leaves me feeling numb, not excited to see him and ready to leave the situation.
    This always happens, but recently (about 4 months ago) I started dating a guy that has EVERYTHING i look for in a guy, and for some reason this time something is keeping me from ending it with him and seeking ways to fight instead of running away.
    BUUUUT i feel like there is something that hasnt been addressed in your blogs and for this reason im thinking im the exception to this whole relationship anxiety thing. (Which is something UNHEARD of in my culture and for this reason i have ALWAYS believed I just havent found the right one, like everyone around me loves to tell me). I feel like we can talk about anything, he makes me laugh, I have fun when Im with him but for some reason when we kiss i just dont feel in sync with him. I dont know if its because i may not believe he is a good kisser or because im blocking myself but that is keeping me from going any further in our relationship because i believe that is a clear indication that im not with the right guy for me, even though on paper he has everything im looking for. Please help!! i dont know if this is a deal breaker and i dont want to miss out on a great possiblity.

    • It’s a common manifestation of relationship anxiety and is addressed in the course.

  136. Hi Sheryl,

    First of all I want to say that I have felt so much hope since finding your website and hearing all these testimonies! What you do is so needed and good. I’m thinking of purchasing your e-course. I’ve been dating my boyfriend for almost a year. From the first time I saw him he stood out to me and as I got to know him and spend more time with him I knew I liked him. I really struggled in my decision to start dating him or not… we are both christians but I was concerned that he was too immature in his relationship with God and I had always seen myself with a more mature christian man. I decided to give it a try anyways because I realized we are all growing and it looks different for everyone. 3 days after we started dating he moved back home on the mainland (we were both living in Hawaii at the time) and we had 2.5 months of long distance. For the first few days I was so sad and then about 2 weeks after he left I began to feel very anxious. I found myself almost having this strong feeling of wanting to push him away even though nothing bad had happened! It grew so strong that I was getting physically ill from it. I started seeing a wonderful councillor at the time and she helped me realize that it was my boyfriend but rather roots of fear such as: fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of the unknown. It helped but even after he returned to Hawaii doubts and that feeling of almost repulsion continued. Meanwhile I also knew that I loved him and the idea of a future with him made me excited. We have similar dreams with what we would like to do in ministry and with our lives. Then anxiety continued to persist until I decided that the only way to make it go away was to break-up with him. So I did. A lot of my friends and mentors said it was probably the right choice but one friend said the opposite and it made me realize that I had rushed the decision based out of erratic emotions and something inside me did NOT want to let this go. I didn’t know if it was because I really loved him or because I didn’t want to fail at this relationship After a tumultuous week we got back together and decided to ease into it over the next month. He has been so patient, supportive, loving, kind, forgiving through it all. He knows without a doubt that he wants to marry me one day and he’s so excited about it. After Christmas I had to move back to Canada because of reasons that were out of my hands and it forced our new and fragile relationship into long distance. Great. He came to visit me and meet my family a month and a half into an 8 month long distance relationship. Honestly it was great. He got along with my family, I loved doing the mundane with him, and just having around all the time. However, there has always been this knot of doubt and fear that feels like nausea most of the time, that I don’t actually love him enough or that he’s not good enough, or that there has got to be some truth to all these negative thoughts that go through my head on a regular basis. After he left I feel into an even deeper level of anxiety and depression. I think about these thoughts and emotions constantly and it is exhausting. I do not want to end this relationship and I realize it is fear and anxiety but yet it feels impossible that I could actually be in this relationship without it. My boyfriend and I communicate daily and well! He is always there for me and I want to be the there for him. I don’t understand why I feel like I don’t want to talk to him or when we are talking I feel kind of panicky and want to hang up. Weird considering I love him and refuse to give up on us even though it feels like nothing is good about it (lies I know). Anyways – I think I want to marry this guy one day and I know this is an amazing opportunity to get real freedom from roots of fear in me.

    • Also just want to add that I’ve struggled with anxiety most of my life and I’m 25.

  137. I want to thank you for the incredible gift of a course you have provided which has allowed me to dig deeper and uncover more than I could have ever imagined. I went through what seemed like hell (experienced all and more of the listed intrusive thoughts, dark night, etc) and have arrived on the other side where there’s so much light and possibility. This doesn’t mean I don’t get sucked back into the fire once and a while :), but I have the tools and understanding to recognize what’s actually going on and the ability to turn inward and express emotions that have been shoved down for much of my life. What I’m also grateful for is the wonderful program I’ve done in becoming a counsellor myself which was like glorifying group therapy on steroids for a year. Your course, along with my experiential counselling program and 6 months of personal therapy allowed me to dip into the hurt and pain and reemerge with incredible understanding and empathy toward myself. I have referred and shared your programs with numerous people in my counselling community and actually used some of your words in a presentation on grief and loss last week. ( Quoted you of course ?)

    What’s “funny” is that I remember you saying that what can happen is your partner may someday experience relationship anxiety and it will be you that stands beside them like they were there for you. This is now my reality. My partner is experiencing tremendous anxiety and I am right by her side. She now understands what I went through. All of the intrusive thoughts that I just had to say out loud once made no sense to her (like the lack of attraction piece ?.) and she now understands and is walking through the fire herself. We are love warriors in this together and I can share all of the tools and knowledge I’ve gained from your course on relationship anxiety.

    Lastly I wanted to mention a piece that was taught in my course. It’s regarding love. We were taught that love is an emotion. So we are capable of being in our own love with anyone and anything. It’s just an emotional being state. You can be in your love at any moment aside from when you’re in fear/protection. Kind of what you explain, but instead of love being an act of will ( or love is the act) rather you can be in your love while acting out of your heart. Or you can be in your fear when “perceiving” danger stemming from the unconscious where in your psyche there’s incomplete events with pain and hurt attached. The reason I mention this is that when I learned that love is an emotion it broke my beliefs open even further than before allowing me to see the truth clearer. So love is a being state. You can’t be in your love when you’re in fear which is a doing state. There’s no such thing as the “right” one or “THE ONE”. There’s only possibility for growth or protection. We all have the capacity to love. It’s in there, but sometimes you have to move through the fear and hurt to uncover the gems within. It’s no easy task, but it’s SOO worth it!

    All in all, I wanted to thank you and share my journey with you. It’s always a pleasure to read your posts and wander back into your course material for some gentle reminders.

    • Thank you, Alex. I can see how much hard work you’ve done and thank you for taking the time to express your gratitude and share your experience with others. I know it’s especially important for men to know that this work applies to them, and there’s nothing that drives that home more powerfully than to read another man’s story. Blessings to you.

  138. Hi, thank you for providing this info–it definitely made me realize that fear is not always reality. I was wondering whether the course dives into risk in a relationship / anything about addiction. My anxiety stems from a specific issue: my boyfriend is a recovering alcoholic (we started dating after he got sober), and while he’s in a good place with his sobriety and our relationship is great, I’m having a lot of concern and fear about whether I can stay in this relationship due to the inherent risk of relapse. Thanks!

    • All relationship are risky, but in my opinion it’s less risky to commit to someone who has already faced their shadow and has tools for working with it as you already know what you’re dealing with .

  139. Hi Sheryl,

    Five years ago, when I got engaged, your book on engagement anxiety was a lifesaver. I was a wreck, and working through my anxiety, I married a wonderful, kind, funny, handsome, admirable man. Now, five years later, we have a six month old baby, and my anxiety has spiked again. Did I settle? Am I with the right guy? Is he intellectual enough? All the same old doubts have come back, magnified because we have this little human we are responsible for. Is this normal?

    • 100% normal. At each transition when we’re broken open and vulnerable we’re invited to address the next layer of healing. This course would benefit you enormously.

  140. Hello!

    I am 17 years old and have been with my partner for about a year! 🙂 I have a few problems with being able to just “be” and letting myself feel the comfort of our relationship without overthinking. I overthink a lot, and used to have the classic “i don’t love him” thoughts. I have realized that it’s me that needs the work and there is nothing wrong with my partner at all. He’s amazing! Will this course help me to let go and open my heart to just “be”? And appreciate the present of now and today?

  141. I was just wondering if I could access the free sampler from findingpeace28 here? I’ve purchased the e-course but would love to hear more of her story about her lack of connection.

  142. This course is applicable for men too? My current spike is that none of this applies to me because I’m a man, but I face intense relationship anxiety and normal anxiety with all possible spikes.

    • Absolutely. About 1/4 of the participants are men and there’s a wonderful active thread on the forum right now where the men are connecting and sharing their stories and insights.

  143. Hi, When will the next “Break Free from Relationship Anxiety” e-course begin? Thank you.

  144. Am I correct in assuming that this course is only for romantic relationships, not platonic friendships where relationship anxiety can come in?

  145. Hi Ma’am Sheryl! I proposed over a year ago and still I get this feeling of uncertainty. Is this still normal?? Or am I not really in love??? I keep on stalling the date, procrastinating and I don’t even talk to my partner about my concrete plans. Her parents are already mad at me. I have just read your book the conscious bride, I haven’t finished it yet and I plan on taking your e-courses, and which one do you suggest for me?? I should be in a hurry to fix myself before I destroy everything completely, before I lose everyone’s trust.

    • If you want to save your relationship this is the course for you.

  146. Is this course something a couple can take together? If we’re both struggling with relationship anxiety in different ways can we work through the content together?

  147. I’ve never struggled with anxiety before but have immense amounts of it now in my current relationship…but it’s only about my relationship. Is this course still for me or is there something else I need to explore?

    • If you take the free assessment near the top of this page it will become clear to you whether this work applies to your situation.

  148. Sheryl,
    I just want to say thank you. You have gotten me through a few of the worst anxiety ridden moments of my life. I am HIGHLY appreciative especially of your blog “Action Diffuses Fear” because that has become my key to breaking through anxiety. Whenever I’m feeling fearful and feel my gut want to pull away, all I do is add some love to the equation. I send a nice text, I give a kiss on the forehead, I take his hand. And all of these things, practicing love, have gotten me through it. Yes I have bad times, but all I have to remember is to live out of love, not fear. So to all of you struggling, I understand you, I have been there, and you’re going to be okay. As Sheryl says, just Hang On.
    Much love xx

  149. Sheryl,

    I bought this course at the beginning of the year before I left my partner. We were apart for 4 months and reconnected. I wasn’t totally sure about it when we started back up, but I knew if I didn’t try, I would have regrets forever. My anxiety has grown so so much since reconnecting its horrible. Even though I bought this course months ago, I’m just NOW going to go through it. I have put it off, I don’t trust it, I don’t trust myself, I don’t trust that this feeling can go away. But I’m going to try. Your story were Spili80 is keeping me going. Her “calm voice” email is EXACTLY where I am right now, and its terrifying, but I am here to try.

    • Most people have all of these same doubts and questions when they start the course. Stay with it, do the work, and you’ll start to find the clarity and serenity that you’re seeking.

  150. Hello, Sheryl.
    I bought the “break free from relationship anxiety” course a month ago, and I’m currently going through a lot of deep, scary resistance. The thoughts and feelings about my partner are getting more and more convincing,and it scares me so. I’ve also been seeing a psychoanalist for the past months. He is with me. He supports me and helps me see things clearly when my “vision” is impaired. I’m in a loving, good relationship with and amazing guy. He’s safe and full of love. I’m 22, he’s 24. There’s deep love in our relationship. I’ve had doubts from the beginning, because of my painful past, and at the moment I’m going through a phase where those old doubts, fears and false perceptions are coming back. It literally feels like I’m going backwards with my way of being, seeing the world and perceiving things. I’m scared. I want to stay. My mind tries to tell me to run in any way possible, with any intrusive thought possible. I was convinced that I couldn’t stand our differences, but now that I’ve been doing Shadow work with my analyst, turns out that the things that used to bother me so much (actually irrelevant things that my fear magnified) are actually parts of me that I disowned. I’m trying to re-integrate them. We’re more similar than I thought, but that doesn’t matter to me. I love him regardless. But my mind is trying to go back to that way of feeling and thinking, scrutinizing and analising anything he says or does and trying to find some “not quite right” things in any of that. The more I love towards him, the more my mind says things such as “It’s over”, “You should just bè friends”, “He’s going to leave you”, “You’re not meant for each other”, “You’re not going to last”, “You don’t love him”, “You love him but you cannot be in a relationship with him”. It’s honestly exhausting me. No Red flags, of course.

    Do you think I would benefit from this program, as well?

    Thanks, Sheryl.

    • I think you’re asking if you would benefit from the Open Your Heart program as well…? It sounds like you’re doing deep and courageous work both with the Break Free course and with your analyst, and if you have the bandwidth to begin another course then by all means join us for this round of Open Your Heart. If not, you could always wait for the next round.

  151. Hi, I will try to keep this as short as possible. I have just moved with my 11-year-old for her schooling purposes ( she is deaf) to a location four hours from my husband. This coincides with me leaving him, which he knows. I have been in therapy for 1.5 years, and before that we were in marriage therapy, which ended when I fell head over heels for someone at work (nothing much happened, but it ended badly). My husband knows this as well, and has treated me with tremendous kindness. Several years ago, he had a brief fling , which I found not difficult to get past because we were so disconnected anyways. What I have never gotten past Is that I used it as an opportunity for us to have a fresh start and he literally said he didn’t have the energy to work on us because he had to work on himself. So I ended up still feeling unseen, alone.

    Our marriage has been unsuccessful since it began 25 years ago. He’s a good, kind, thoughtful human being. And he thinks that’s enough to make a good marriage. For him, getting married was the period at the end of the sentence while I thought it was the first letter of a new sentence. I know from reading your material that I had serious relationship anxiety from day one. I have long ago recognized my unhealthiness in shutting down, and multiple times begged him to “come after” me- to help me connect. I suppose because of his own baggage he never really did that. He wanted just showing up to be enough. Intimacy without risk. And to be honest I was never his priority- as I said, he has his own baggage. And I was specific- let’s read books together, let’s date, let’s have adventures, let’s come up with how to parent together, let’s create a family creed- Time after time I was basically told no, and the only way I could Remain was to divide myself in half because the real me couldn’t survive and my questioning, alive, positive nature was actually quite threatening to his restricted, negative self. Since I have moved toward divorce and stopped expecting anything from him he is actually happier- he feels more like he is ok. And since I have stopped expecting anything I am happier, freer. But these are with us being apart from each other. My therapist and both my husband and I wonder if we should just be friends. I don’t have peace- divorce is huge, affects so many… but we have not done well together – ever. We really knew each other a short time before we married. But there are no red flags. I guess I feel that maybe I am supposed to not quite give up yet. I want to. I want to move on to a life that is way more suited to me, where I am moving to the city as opposed to living in the country at the end of the earth, where I am allowed to “dwell in possibilities” again. But as I said, the ramifications of divorce are so huge. I am wondering if I should be taking your relationship anxiety course Or your open your heart course? And if it would even be any good to do so now that we will be living four hours apart? I always feel fonder of him from a distance 🙂 but I have no interest in living in illusions or beating a dead horse. I have done a tremendous amount of work on myself. But I’m sure there is more to be done. Any input you have is welcome. Thank you so much!

  152. Hello,
    I was just wondering: does one have access to the material as soon as one registers?
    Thank you!

    • Yes. Just make sure that the email associated with PayPal is the one you currently use.

  153. Hi. Is there a way to login in to the breaking free course through the website directly? I’m having to go through my email everytime currently. Thank you!

  154. Hi Sheryl,
    Just wanted to ask you a few questions before purchasing this
    This is my first serious relationship and my partner is real good and loving and caring but one morning I woke up with a bad feeling of anxiety thinking whether I still loved him and that thought plagued me because I kept on going in circles and it got so bad that when I see him sometimes, I think it’s not the guy I fell in love with and it makes me feel uncomfortable to feel the way because it’s so instinctive for me at the same time to be affectionate.
    I’ve been told that it’s anxiety and I fear something (according to a psychologist) but he never told me what exactly the fear was.
    I just don’t want to end up leaving him and the thought of me not loving him anymore really hurts me.
    Will your course be able to help me permanently break free from this cycle because from what I’ve read, it really does help them and I am someone skeptical to begin with.
    If so, how does the course work ?

    • I created the course to address exactly what you’re struggling with. If you do the work, you’ll be able to break free from the cycle, but it does require true commitment on your part. There are no magic pills or quick fixes when it comes to anxiety!

  155. I was currently taking anti depressants for anxiety/ depression due to relationship anxiety. I still have thoughts about my relationship and worries but the worries are no where near as bad and the anxiety also since I have been taking them. The worries are still there but I feel a lot more calm. However, is certainly want to get rid of the thoughts all together because it still makes me so sad and caught up.
    Do you suggest going off medication, and take the relationship anxiety course as then I can deal with anxiety at the root? Will the course still help with my thoughts and getting rid of them if I am still on medication?
    Thankyou, would just really love to know.

    • You can still access the root of your anxiety even while on medication.

  156. Hi Sheryl,
    I have suffered from ROCD for a few months. I no longer have thoughts about whether I love my partner or want to be with him, I know I choose him. However, I seem to be so easily irritated by him and I do constantly ask whether he is funny enough or good enough in social situations. Its so upsetting because I love him so much, but I check how he makes me feel all the time. I am worried that by being irritated by him then that means something is not right.
    I am saving for the course as well, but would you have a blog post or any advice about this in the meantime?
    Thank you so much.

  157. Hi Sheryl,

    Thank you so much for your work, it has been really helpful. I started dating an incredible man two months ago and started feeling anxiety after the first month we were dating. I’ve been improving a lot, but everything stopped working out because my ex came back to me again. He’s the typical intense, passionate, good looking guy, and I’ve struggled a lot over a year to move on after he broke up with me. And now, after he saw me with a new guy, he suddenly says he truly loves me and that he’s now more “matured and prepared to commit” and want me back. I don’t know what to do. I feel that if I give him another opportunity, he’ll hurt me again, but if it works this time? what if he’s changed? I don’t know if I should keep doing the course to stay with the guy I’m now dating or go back with my ex, which I had so much of chemistry. Is this relationship anxiety too? Help!

    • This is relationship anxiety, Alexia, and I recommend staying with the current guy (although it’s difficult to say with so little information). I also recommend starting the e-course so that you can understand relationship anxiety in depth and find your clarity around real love, which will help you break unhealthy patterns and commit to a loving, available partner.

  158. Hi Sheryl, I just started your course on relationship anxiety.. I have read through a lot of the course already… I always have doubt within myself and I feel like I am such a sensitive person and worry about things ALOT. I’m always worrying just like my mum does. However I feel as if I don’t have any false ideas around love and other topics. I just really have that doubt within myself and I don’t love myself. Can this be the cause of my relationship anxiety alone? I went through a traumatic experience last year (nothing to do with my partner) and the anxiety around my relationship soon followed and hasn’t left for a year, so not sure if this could be to blame aswell. Would love to know your thoughts. Thankyou

  159. And also as a kid I was fixated on the belief and scared to death that there was going to be a tsunami and my family and I would get killed by a tsunami, for many years I thought this. Not sure if this is an intrusive thought and my anxiety starting from a young age? Thankyou, would love to know your thoughts.

    • That’s a classic intrusive thought for children, Carlie, and based on both of your comments you fit the profile to a tee of those prone to anxiety and, later, relationship anxiety. Keep going through the course and commit to the daily practices and tools that I teach throughout and you will start to notice a difference.

  160. Hi Sheryl
    I just started your course. However, just wondering if there’s any where you talk about REAL falling out of love feelings as spider to relationship anxiety? I’m finding it hard. I mean don’t people fall out of love all the time? This REALLY spikes me as I have seen videos on YouTube that people have made about not loving their partners anymore but I really damn hope that isn’t the case for me. But how do you know… or where can I find that? Jus let finding it hard and would love some info

    • Keep going through the course, Annie. All of your questions will be answered there, and if you need extra support please join the e-course forum.

  161. Dear Sheryl,

    I have taken your assessment and have ticked multiple boxes in all the categories except the last one. I know relationships take work and I’m prepared to do whatever I have to, to stop feeling like this. I’ve been with my husband for 27 years and married for 19. He is a wonderful man: loving, supportive and in no way deserves an anxious and paranoid, sad wife. Where did I go? I can’t laugh anymore. Can I have relationship anxiety or did I fall out of love with him? I want the connection and calm feeling of security back that I’ve always enjoyed with him. I’ve been feeling like this for 16 months. The anxiety comes and goes, when it’s gone I feel better, but worry it will return, which it always does. A number of close friends and family have divorced recently, as this was happening I remember asking myself, what made us so different? The answer was love. But then I started questioning whether that was true and then the feeling of connection just went. I can’t get it back. Any comments you have would be helpful. Thank you.

    • You’re describing classic, textbook relationship anxiety, Jayne, and the course would be enormously beneficial to you. I urge you to take it rather than sitting in this place of mental torture. There’s absolutely no reason to even consider leaving a 27 year, loving relationship when the source of the anxiety lives inside of you.

      • Thank you Sheryl. I’m saving for your course – tough at Christmas time – but I have been reading through your blogs. Can you tell me how to identify my fear? If my anxiety is trying to tell me of a core fear, how do I know what that is? At this point I know I’m only scared of not being in love with him any more. The complete opposite of what I want. I know I’m scared of failing in my relationship, failing him, failing my kids. I’m so scared about doing the wrong thing, but, I don’t know what the right thing is. Thank you.

        • It sounds like there’s a core shame story about not being enough that is manifesting as the fear of failure.

  162. Hi there would this course work if after I have hurt someone and they have forgiven me and everything is going well but suddenly I am starting to have fear about what will happen next in my life with my boyfriend instead of enjoying the

  163. Hi Sheryl

    I’ve been struggling with anxious thoughts surrounding my relationship for a while, but especially since we got engaged and moved in together.

    I don’t feel excited, rather panicked and anxious about living together and moving forward. It’s so confusing because he loves me so much but I’m starting to doubt if I feel the same, even though I was so sure of it just a few months ago.

    I’m avoiding physical touch and conversations other than what’s necessary because I feel so much anxiety and panic about the future. It’s painful.

    Do you think this course would help?

    • Ana: Relationship anxiety can hit at any time, and it’s often amplified during transitions like getting engaged. Everything you’re describing is completely normal and is addressed in this course in depth. The course would be a gift for you and will help you work through your anxiety so that you can continue to move forward and feel present in your loving relationship. – Sheryl

  164. I really want to take this course because it resonated with me but my only hesitation is….. do you believe that a situation exists where there is justified relationship anxiety and two people really aren’t right for each other and should go there separate ways?

    Or do you believe that any two people in a relationship without “deal breakers” can be successful just by dealing with the relationship anxiety?

    How do you tell the difference between relationship anxiety and incompatibility? I’m scared my anxiety is because we’re incompatible but I can’t tell if it’s just the pressure of anxiety…is it normal to feel this?

    • It’s a very common question, and a tricky one to answer because of exactly what you said: anxiety clouds clarity and fear alters perception. Certainly there are situations where relationship anxiety is justified, but it’s not usually because of incompatibility in the way that the culture teaches us to think of that word. What makes you think you’re incompatible?

  165. Sheryl, thanks for your response. To answer your question as to what makes me think were incompatible:

    – I want to travel to different places more than he does
    – I want to run my own business and he’s fine with 9-5
    – I can’t seem to get used to sleeping with him (it’s like different energy…anxiety…overcomes)
    – My family is in my head about how I can do better because I am currently the “breadwinner”
    – He is very touchy, sensitive, cuddly… I enjoy alone time and don’t prefer to cuddle
    – I feel like “the love faded over time” and I doubt it’s stable enough to last forever due to the above reasons
    – Our families do not get along
    – Over the years, I am having a harder and harder time saying “I love you”

    Sometimes it feels like a mismatch in personalities and preferences, and sometimes I feel like I’ve fallen out of love and it’s the end of the road…and all these feelings just bring the anxiety and thoughts of “there is someone better, end this, don’t stay just because you feel bad for him, it’s too hard and different”

    …but I know there’s a reason we got together. He is loving, caring, supportive, and very understanding even as I’m going through these doubts. I guess a lot of it is the “enough” factor and the vibes I feel from others judgement of our relationship.

    My biggest red flag is that I have trouble with touch, intimacy, and all the things that used to feel right. I just avoid it now with all these doubts in my head…and get easily irritated the more he tries.

    Note: We’ve been together 5 years and have been engaged for 5 months.

    • I forgot to add that I feel like there’s been a huge loss in physical attraction…I don’t feel as attracted to him anymore and I think that’s what leads to not wanting to kiss, hold hands, touch etc. The thoughts in my head are very exhausting.

    • Cindy: I’m imagining anyone reading this who has gone through my Break Free course and done the work nodding lovingly with a smile on their face because you’re describing CLASSIC relationship anxiety. I’m not hearing any incompatibility. What I AM hearing is what happens when anxiety alters your perception and fear creates walls that prevent a loving partner from entering your inner spaces too deeply.

      The course will help you find your clarity, learn tools for dealing with fear, and so much more. With 5 years behind you and a loving, caring, supportive partner in front of you, I cannot recommend the course highly enough. You have a lot to lose if you don’t address your fear-walls and nothing to lose by taking the course. If I thought the course wasn’t a match and that the relationship truly wasn’t right, I wouldn’t hesitate to tell you.

      All classic relationship anxiety: loss of attraction, stuck in the endless spin cycle of thoughts. It’s exactly what the course addresses.

      I hope that helps. I know how difficult and confusing this all is. You’re in the right place.

      – Sheryl

      • Sheryl: thank you so much. This makes a lot of sense but has brought up other thoughts….

        So is there really such a thing as “settling” then? Why do people always say “don’t settle” and ”when you know you know”. What if some of us just don’t have those intense feelings like that?

        From the popular “stuff” out there, it sounds to myself like I’m settling, which gives me even more anxiety. But now I even wonder if that’s a thing or just another social construct.

        I’m just having a hard time wrapping my brain around why some people just say… “sometimes it’s time to let go” if there is fundamentally nothing textbook-wrong with the relationship.

  166. Hi Sheryl,

    I have been in a relationship for almost 5 years now and a few months ago I started having these consistent doubts about my relationship. My thoughts consist mostly of the following: “I don’t love him anymore”, “If you have these doubts, then it means you don’t really love him”, “leave him because you have doubts and don’t really love him”, “you are only going to hurt him” etc. Every time I start getting these intrusive thoughts and give attention to it I start to panic and have this gut wrenching feeling that something is wrong and that these thoughts mean something. The more I try to understand why I am having these thoughts the more I panic and then I try to block it out (which only makes it worse when it comes back). I always start to panic because my thoughts are telling me to leave him, but I don’t want to. I mean this is the person who I have been with for almost 5 years and I have loved him every step of the way. We have our fights and sometimes he irritates me but I have always been able to look past all that and just love him and be with him. It’s so hard because all I can see is the negative and focus on that and that only makes me have the “gut feeling” more intensely. He makes me laugh and he is a really good person. My family and friends all tell me that the problem can’t be my relationship and that it has to be something else, but my head just keeps telling me to leave him. We are about to get engaged and I feel so guilty for feeling this way (I was always so excited to think about it, but now all I feel is anxiety). I am currently in therapy and my therapist has come to the conclusion that I am not happy with my work and other aspects of my life and she also thinks that my relationship is not the problem. Am I suffering from relationship anxiety? Can you please give me the link to the quiz (I can’t seem to find the box on this page). Thank you

    • Michele: Based on what you shared, it sounds like your friends, family and therapist are all correct: the problem isn’t the relationship, and you are, indeed, suffering from relationship anxiety and the course would be of enormous benefit to you. The signup box is near the top of the page.

  167. Is it relationship anxiety if when we are apart I envision him and feel love and happiness and warmth and desire to be with him…but when we are together it somehow all goes away and I feel irritated and distant? I don’t experience anxiety in any of my other personal relationships. Feeling confused.

    • YES! That’s a common manifestation of relationship anxiety.

  168. One of my friends broke up with her boyfriend because she “fell out of love” with him and she was really devastated because she said he was such a good guy…… I don’t really get that then? does that mean she had relationship anxiety too? Because you say that being in love with someone is a choice? Would love your thoughts. It just makes me wonder and feel anxious about my relationship with such an amazing guy, as struggle with this so much too and I am working through your course… Thankyou

    • Chances are very high that she was struggling with relationship anxiety. Keep working through the course, Carlie. You’re in the right place.

      • So does that mean people may think that they have “fallen out of love” when really it was just relationship anxiety? Have you worked with people before that have said they have fallen out of love and have broken up with their previous partner when really it was relationship anxiety? I wish there were more psychologists and stuff that thought like you… because I have been to two in Australia and they just mistaken it for something else, it’s a real shame and it’s so annoying….. do you know of other psychologists out there that think like you aswell?

        • Anyone who is well-versed in the principles of real love (as opposed to fantasy love) will speak this language, including John Wellwood, Sue Johnson, Robert Johnson, Linda and Charlie Bloom, and countless others.

  169. I remember the day I started to get anxiety around my relationship. I’m not sure why this evoked it but it did and I would love your thoughts around this if you will publish…. I took a bad drug one night that made me anxious and paranoid. It made me think that I liked my boyfriends friend and I couldn’t get him out of my head, when I know for a fact now it isn’t true. When I woke up the next day I had anxiety around my relationship thinking that I didn’t love my partner anymore (when days before this I had no fear around it) and it has just got worse from there 1 year on…. I’ve always been a worrier though and I’m working through your course trying to work out why I feel this way. But do you think that my bad decision spiked this? Please reply its a situation where probably not many people have been in considering how it started.. Thank-you

    • This isn’t uncommon, Kate. Anxiety can start from a bad drug, from taking the Pill, from a night of food poisoning, and a hundred other triggers. The important point to understand is that these are triggers, which means they triggered anxiety that was already living inside of you and needing your attention. Somebody wired differently would have had a different response to the same experience. So the drug didn’t place the anxiety inside of you; it only revealed and exposed what needed to be seen for as you said, you’ve always been a worrier. Keep working through the course, and pay particular attention to the tools, especially the dialoguing technique that I teach. You will find your way.

  170. Hi there!

    I’ll start by saying this site has been a blessing in what has easily been my darkest 2 months of my life. THANK YOU!

    I’m 25 and married to my best friend. We’ve been together 7 years and married 3! She is unbelievably kind, funny, supportive, God-fearing, tender-hearted. Her eyes are like storms and her smile melts me as her laugh is something special. 2 months ago I had my first real panic attack and knew it meant it was time to admit to my darkest depths of my soul – since I was probably 13 I’ve been watching pornography or engaging in more interactive online exchanges (I’m so ashamed and I know this has to be the worlds worst red-flag) once or twice a week. I was terrified to tell her but I felt called to.

    She’s been nothing but supportive of my recovery in a true example of unconditional love, but instead of me feeling pure excitement to head to the next level with her, I feel depression and serious anxiety for the first time in my life. Primarily relationship anxiety and it hurts more than anything because I can honestly say I’m lucky enough to be married to a very rare type of human…my question is this: as I doubt my love, then her love, then our future, then her appearance, then whatever next week brings, am I “normal”? I feel like she’s supposed to feel this way after my admission…not me. And that’s keeping me from registering for your courses. I’ve been clean for 2 months now. I’m not going to lean pornography or online acceptance anymore. But I want to fully enjoy my best friend again. I want to look at her and confidently say she has a timeless beauty again. I want this pain in my chest to go away. I want to LOVE.

    So if I’m normal…I can’t wait to take your course and learn how to work through this! I really appreciate your work and this website!

    • Dear Brian, I responded to your email as well. Did it now go through? I’m truly so glad that you found my work, and yes, you are 100% normal! Porn and online sex addiction is rampant, and the most important part is that you’ve come clean and are in recovery. Congratulations. That’s something to be proud of.

      What you’re describing makes perfect sense: when you removed the addiction to porn, you uncovered the anxiety that the addiction was masking, and this anxiety left unattended then morphed into the mental addiction of intrusive thoughts. As such, the Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course would be ideal for you as it will help you heal the anxiety from the root. I cannot urge you enough to give yourself, your marriage, and your wife the gift of the course.

      Let me know if you have any other questions.

      • Hi Sheryl!

        Thank you for 2 responses then! Just realized my email sorted your reply to spam…i’ll Never understand that algorithm.

        Thank you for those words! I can’t tell you how much I needed to hear them! I think somewhere deep down this perspective is part of my truths, it’s just almost impossible to trust and see them right now. Just had a super refreshing conversation with my wife after reading this and the voice of fear and anxiety is much smaller at the moment.

        We have been committed at the very least through all of this to “just show up tomorrow” and I think I’ll be taking part in the course soon! So excited to have a guide for the work I need to do for us.

        Thank you!!

  171. Hi Sheryl,

    I would like to start of by saying thank you for providing reassurance and clarity to those like myself that feel so alone in these anxiety ridden times. Like so many others have said, you have found a way to provide the information that I needed to hear exactly when I needed it. I look forward to reading your blog every Sunday and find peace in your thoughts and success stories of others that have completed your courses. As I am saving up to complete the Break Free course, I am looking for advice (books, articles, your previous blogs, etc.) that will help me with my current intrusive thought/story.

    Four and a half years ago, after about 9 months of dating my wonderful boyfriend, I woke up in the middle of the night with overwhelming anxiety telling me to end the relationship immediately. I had never experienced anything like this and was completely lost. I felt so contradicted because every time I thought of leaving, I cried and knew that is not what I wanted, but I could not quiet the anxiety or thoughts telling me to leave. I have always struggled with trust in relationships, assuming the worst that I would always be cheated on. However, this man is absolutely one of a kind. He is trustworthy, beyond kind, incredibly patient, and I know he loves me with all of his heart. He also has the two most important qualities that you talked about in your recent blog post, character and a willingness to learn. I know that I will never find a man like this ever again and I am determined and dedicated to work through this anxiety.

    I have gone through my ups and downs with the crippling anxiety and intrusive thoughts. This has occurred about two other times in our relationship. This recent spell began in October and I am working with a therapist who believes that the root cause of my anxiety is two fold: my attachment to my family and my fear of adulthood; nothing to do with my partner. I grew up in a very loving household and am incredibly close to my family, especially my mom, and have a hard time being a part from them. I have rarely faced adversity and have been pretty sheltered from failure and facing challenges alone, stepping out of my comfort zone. I am 25 years old, living with my fiance, but I don’t think I have emotionally or mentally stepped into “adulthood”.

    Two weeks ago, my amazing boyfriend of 4.5 years proposed, and I said yes! I want to commit to spending my life with him and working through this anxiety. I am going through the ups and downs of being excited and extremely anxious. I often feel guilty about how much money my fiance paid for the ring and how much this wedding is going to cost when I am having doubts, it just doesn’t seem right in my mind, how can I ask all of our relatives to spend time and money for our special day when I am having all of these doubts? My panic attacks have calmed down, but I have this uncomfortable gut feeling that is telling me something is wrong. I get the feeling that I love my fiance as a friend and nothing more. Sometimes I can tell myself, there is nothing wrong with that and that I want to spend the rest of my life with my best friend, but it just feels like something is missing. Is the “just friends” feeling a myth or reality? Is there a way to differentiate or change that love into a life partner which I so desperately want? I question whether the fun times we have, especially when I am not anxious, are because of the people around us (my family) and not because of him. I listened to a podcast this weekend that triggered a panic attack as they stated that sometimes relationships just fizzle out and you need to move on. What if that is what has happened to me?

    I would love to hear from anyone that has felt this way before and has found a way to navigate through those thoughts of “just friends” or struggle with family attachment and entering adulthood. Sheryl, any blog posts that would help me, would be greatly appreciated.

    I cannot thank you enough for taking the time to read this post and for creating this safe space that gives me hope in my darkest of days.

    • I forgot to mention that the reason I feel like I love him as a friend is because I get an anxious, weird gut feeling every time we do something that a loving couple would do. Examples include saying I love you, kissing, getting into bed at night, anything that demonstrates an intimate relationship. I am jumping to the conclusion that because I get this uncomfortable gut feeling any time we do “normal” relationship things that show love, then I must not love him like that.

      • Maddie: This is all classic relationship anxiety and the course will help you enormously when you’re ready. In the meantime, if you go to the Categories on the right on any of my blog posts and click on “relationships” and “open your heart” and “Break Free From Relationship Anxiety”, you’ll find all of the posts that are directly related to your struggles. Hang on and you’re far from alone!

        These articles also address much of what you’re describing:

      • Hi Maddie!
        I completely empathize with your post! Although I still get the romantic “love” feeling with my boyfriend of almost two years, I have been going through anxiety for the last 3 months that came out of nowhere! I’m also very close to my parents and sort of sheltered, I’m 27. The anxiety started when my bf and I went on our first trip together to attend his friend’s wedding. We had traveled together before, but with either his family or mine. But this time it was just us two, and even though the trip went fine and he didn’t reveal any weird red flags or deal-breakers, this INTENSE anxiety came over me and I’ve been dealing with it ever since. I too, sometimes think to myself, “am i having fun with him? or is it because we’re with our families or friends?”

        What several people (my mother, therapist, holistic doctor, energy reader) have told me, is that it’s 100% not anything to do with him or our relationship. It’s the scary thought of leaving the parents’ nest to start an entirely new life — which is scary for people like me who always need to have a definitive answer or test result to keep me sane!

        I’m about to start the Break Free course, and I’m a little scared. But reading all these comments + yours is calming because it lets me know I’m not alone. Who knows, maybe all those beautiful couples and weddings we see on social media and portrayed in pop culture also have these same exact thoughts, but we just don’t see them. My feeling is that, for the right person, we learn to deal with and ultimately tame the anxiety. We’re just anxious people by nature. Unless there are HUGE red flags, of course. But if we can’t pin-point any specific reason, then I think we’re fine. That’s just life. Feelings of love and go, we’re never going to be as passionately in love as before, the longer we stay with someone. Which is normal, from what I’ve heard from family members!

        Anyway, keep me posted on how you’re doing!!!

        Sending you love and positive vibes, we can do it!

  172. Hi Sheryl,
    I’ve been with my boyfriend for 10 years. We recently broke up, but I fear it’s a mistake. He has a degenerative disease that limits his mobility and will continue to get worse over time. Though I love him deeply, I was extremely adventurous and active before I met him, and over the years I feel that I’ve lost that part of myself (even though I try to get out and do things anyway), and that I’m missing out on part of life that makes me feel most alive. I had dreams of traveling with my partner that I’ve given up on, and I’ve had anxiety all this time about what it will be like as he has more and more limitations. It’s affecting my health, to the point where I needed a break to re-evaluate. This is an issue that we’ve always discussed openly, from day one.

    In spite of this, we value many of the same things, we have a strong intellectual connection, we have fun and laugh together, and we have a closeness that maybe I won’t be able to find again. He’s my best friend. Do you think that the issues above represent a limitation that I won’t be able to overcome and are a basic incompatibility? Or do you think I could get over the anxiety? What if over time I grow to resent the limitation?

    Thank you so much.

    • This sounds like a very challenging situation, and it’s a bigger question than I can answer here. What I can say is that there is no reason for you to limit your life because of his limitations. It’s a mistake that many partners make that then leads to resentment. If you knew that you could be fully you and continue to adventure, while also grieving the loss of the dream of traveling with a partner, perhaps that might open a door to more clarity.

      • Thank you. Just the acknowledgement that it’s a bigger question, and not something that can be solved by taking a course on relationship anxiety, is helpful. I’ll give some thought into how I might be able to be more fully myself in the relationship. I do know that’s necessary if we were to reconcile.

  173. You say that love is action instead of feeling but how come I don’t even want to show action in the midst of all
    This anxiety, I have all the symptoms of this anxiety. I get angry at him all the time over pointless shit, does anxiety make you so irritated and aggravated. He does so much loving action towards me like cooks me food and everything but I’m just not bothered and man would I love to do the same for him. I know I love this man this is SO hard

    • Yes, anxiety shuts you down and can cause irritation. If you google “conscious-transitions + irritated” you’ll see all of my articles on this topic.

  174. Hi Sheryl, I have just started your course and am addicted to reading all through it. Just wondering, if you didn’t care about being with someone so much would you just not be with them and walk away? I’m reading stuff about projection st the moment and that speaks to me spot. I’ve always put myself down and blunted my abilities and things in my life, at the moment I feel so ugly and I have put on a lot of weight because I feel like I am emotionally eating because all of this, and I think to myself and feel so horrible in myself because I would really like to lose some weight, do you think this might be the reason why I seem to be doubting my relationship so much… and also the fact that my parents always fought and didn’t really have much of a loving relationship and I saw that growing up in my early years. I just want all of this to go away and I just don’t want to think eveery time I kiss him or say goodbye to him when he goes to work, or just anything really, that I don’t “really” love him.

    • Yes, those early experiences and your current pain – and other elements – contribute to the fear of love. Keep going through the Break Free course and it will become more and more clear, and make sure that you practice the tools I teach regularly, especially the journaling.

      • Thankyou Sheryl. So with the journaling should I write about how I’m feeling and my thoughts? To get them out on paper instead of them inside my head? Or what exactly? Thankyou

        • Have you watched the video and read the PDF where I teach journaling in the course? Follow those guidelines and you’ll get the hang of it ?

  175. Hi Sheryl,

    I’m already a member but can’t log onto the course anymore even though I didn’t change anything. Also the Password Reset doesn’t work because I don’t receive any email. Also I can’t send an email to your or Kathryn’s address, instead a receive a failure response. Could you please help me?


    • Barbara: I’m so glad you wrote to us here. Sometimes we have trouble with emails, so I’m going to have Kathryn email you from her gmail account. Stay tuned!

      • Hi Sheryl, thank you. So far I haven’t received a mail, although I’d really love to proceed with the course. I really need it these days.

        Love, Barbara

        • She said she emailed you last night. Make sure to check your spam folder in case it went there. She’ll try you again in the morning. We’ll get it worked out!

          • Yes, now I got a mail from her with a new password; but it isn’t working! She said my username is the same and I used the password she gave me but I can’t log in. 🙁

            • I’m so sorry about this, Barbara; how very frustrating. I promise you we will get it worked out today. Make sure you write back to Kathryn using your gmail so she can attend to it ASAP. Thank you for your patience.

  176. I’m purchasing the “relationship anxiety” course within the next
    Month. Me and my partner have been really struggling though.

    I am very nervous but don’t know why.

    Lately I have not been feeling anything towards him and it’s been this way since the beginning of our relationship. He’s sweet and supportive but a part of me was always very unattracted and not into him. But there’s a voice telling me to stay with him.

    However, there are some thing he does that bother me and make my attraction towards him worse.

    He likes to play games a lot- that’s his hobby. And to me, I guess in my head I always wanted someone who worked a lot. I don’t know if this would be considered “settling” or I should respect that like he does mine. He also doesn’t shower as often as me and it bothers me and he says that’s “just who he is and his hobbies are games” he does compromise though when I mention it boethering me. He will play for only a couple of hours then we will do something together. He also used to be bad on drugs in a BAD point in his life, then stopped completely and now he only vapes because he says it’s a good medium and he enjoys it. I told him I want to eventually stop because it influences me and he said “I don’t want to stop because I enjoy it, I will eventually. But this is something I love- I have stopped other bad things in my life and this is my medium. I hope you respect that like I do yours.” He did mention he will eventually stop but he’s not in a place to want to right now. Of course this spiked my anxiety and makes me feel like it’s “toxic” that he’s not willing to stop. Ugh

    But do you think these type of things are things that the course helps with?

    I have been really nervous lately and haven’t felt much connection but I keep telling myself to make the choice to stay. But it feels like I’m settling and he says it’s very hard for him to talk to me without me being cold 🙁

    Maybe this is a part of my anxiety. I do have anxiety and ocd.

    I just don’t know if these are things I should be listening to or not!

    Thanks, much love.

    • Some of what you’re describing could fall under the category of red flags, especially his vaping, and possibly the gaming depending on how often he plays. There are times when we need to listen to our anxiety is an indicator that there are elements in the relationship that need further examination and attention, and addiction or possible addiction is one of them. The course will teach you about real love and will also help you find your clarity and nurture your self-trust, and from that place of inner strength and clarity you will better be able to make a decision regarding whether or not this is a healthy relationship.

  177. How do I begin to start loving myself? And to feel like I value myself? How do I do that? I feel if Ioved myself I would feel happier in my relationship. I always just think “I don’t love him” when maybe all it really is is “I don’t love myself”. He is amazing, caring, thoughtful. We have been in a relationship for 5 years, everything was great. Until a year ago I had a thought of “I don’t love him” and then all my thoughts just spiralled. I don’t know what to do. Ive been working through the course so hard trying to understand so so hard.
    The real question? If you didn’t love them and just wanted to walk away would you care THIS much? Would you care about breaking their heart THIS much and making a wrong decision if you didn’t really love them?
    I hate this.

  178. Welcome to my site, L. I’m not able to offer advice on comments of this length, but if you would like to shorter your question I’m happy to respond.

    • My boyfriend has had overdrinking issues in the past that has lead to infidelity twice, but was always honest and has made amazing strides to make us work but one day I randomly woke up and felt sick about us a year after moving past these issues (towards the end of college). My friends don’t support our decision to still be together but our families do, I guess my question is is this just anxiety or are they right and that is a real red flag?

      • I would need to know what you mean by “has made amazing strides to make us work”, but based on what you’ve shared it sounds like there are real issues that need attention.

        • In college he used alcohol for social anxiety or to “fit in” but it has been years and he has gotten help for that and his own anxiety. He has made it so clear that he wants to be with me and he is the best but I sometimes have moments of “I should know if he’s the one” “Do I really love him” and I want to be as sure as he is after all these years and all we have been through together. Thank you for any clarity you can give me! You’re awesom!

  179. Ah, in that case it sounds like classic relationship anxiety. This course would benefit you enormously.

  180. Since my relationship anxiety has started my partner has started to feel like a friend to me. Our sex life has gone down hill and I don’t often feel attracted to him even when we are having sex, I don’t feel turned on. I am so so over this feeling and just want all this to go away, IT IS SO HARD. I have been working through the course just trying trying trying. I just want my pure feelings to come back. I want to feel attracted to him like I once did, especially when having sex. We hardly talk anymore… I guess we haven’t always been heaps chirpy with conversation but now since this anxiety has started I am looking at that as something is majorly wrong and that we should be talking more. Since I don’t feel eager to have sex with him I look at him as a friend. I am struggling like really struggling. I want my feelings for him to come back. I tend to be more irritated with him now then ever and I feel depressed and don’t want to do shit all, just sit at Hom on my days off in worry. I really need your help Sheryl. I’ve looked on the forum and sometimes it just gives me anxiety….. Is this normal? I just want to kiss him and just really feel those feelings. I’m sad, I cry, he treats me amazingly and I am just the worlds shittest gf to him.

    • And you say that your work is best done in conjunction with a good therapist…. but what happens if you live in Australia and therapists here just mistaken this for there actually being something wrong in your relationship it is so cruel… all I have is your work really and I hope this will break me free. I’m also on medication but I don’t want to rely on this forever 🙁 if you know if any good therapists from Australia that know about this work that would be so so great. I’ve posted on the forum but no one seems to know. Thank you Sheryl I really am trying

  181. Hello! I just found about your page and courses a few days ago. I’ve been reading through your blogs but I think I might be too late to heal and save my relationship from anxiety.
    I’ve been with my partner for over a year. We were friends before that and knew each other well. I knew about his personality and how different it was from me – and I loved it. I really did.

    After 5 months of being together, he said something to me that triggered my anxiety. He said that I had to take care of myself more (I had anxiety before getting in a relationship with him and he knew that). I was so hurt by that and so angry at him. But I know he didn’t do it to hurt me.

    After that, I started to feel like I didn’t love him or even like him. I was always hurt and irritable with him. I got jealous of his friends. I accused him of losing interest and getting bored of me.
    A year later, I accused him of cheating. I actually believed he was interested in this girl. I started to act like I didn’t care about him because I was hurt and felt betrayed.

    He’s been so patient with me. He also found me a therapist because he wanted me to get better (he knew I was depressed because I failed uni).
    But now, I don’t know what’s true anymore. Maybe all the negative feelings I created for myself have ruined the love I feel for him.

    I feel really nervous when we meet or even message each other. He sometimes gets defensive and I can understand after so many times I’ve accused him of things and treated him badly.

    I think I’m just too late

    • It’s never too late as long as you’re willing to commit to your inner work and healing process.

      • I am but the thing is that he might be loosing patience with me. He’s loving and all but I think everyone just gets enough sometimes.
        I still scared of talking to him and feel like giving up. Maybe this is not meant to be.
        Maybe this is not anxiety anymore

  182. My fiance is in a lot of debt ($15,000) and he has no savings. I purchased our first home on my own, and I feel like the “breadwinner” in a sense. This is where my anxiety stems from – because I have always been a saver my whole life because I knew I wanted to avoid this type of a situation and I always imagined myself with a partner who also saved, and so, I feel that his financial situation will always be holding us back from the type of life/lifestyle I have always worked towards. Would you say this is a red flag or anxiety/something that can be worked through?

    • My fiance is in a lot of debt ($15,000) and he has no savings. I purchased our first home on my own, and I feel like the “breadwinner” in a sense. This is where my anxiety stems from – because I have always been a saver my whole life because I knew I wanted to avoid this type of a situation and I always imagined myself with a partner who also saved, and so, I feel that his financial situation will always be holding us back from the type of life/lifestyle I have always worked towards. Would you say this is a red flag or anxiety/something that can be worked through?

      • Anything can be worked through as long as both people are willing to do the work.

  183. Hi Sheryl,
    I’ve read through SO much content on your site, but here I am, still arguing with myself that my case seems different. I’ve been with my partner on and off for over ten years. We recently got engaged. I’ve had anxiety throughout it all. He was my first love, and I haven’t had a serious relationship where I’ve been in love with anyone else. The closest thing I’ve ever had was a six month long relationship before I met my fiancé at age 19. I often feel like I don’t know what a healthy relationship looks like. I was trapped in a toxic, emotionally abusive friendship throughout middle school, and there are moments in my current relationship that remind me of that—but I don’t know if those are real concerns or I’m just sensitive to that. For all our ten years together, we’ve had patterns that concern me. A few times each year, we have really ugly fights. He screams at me (I never raise my voice—I actually have a full block when it comes to expressing anger) and later apologizes and says “he did not recognize that person.” He’s gotten intensely angry at me for things that have happened at times when we’ve been broken up. He’s had irrational jealousy which has caused fights where I have to defend myself against some imagined circumstance in the future that would never happen. We also have a pattern of him expressing extreme fear around my career success—which has planted the seed for me that success in my career (which is extremely important to me) could break our relationship. Most of the time, he’s the most supportive partner, my biggest fan—but then a few times a year he’ll completely pull the rug out from under me by expressing this fear. Although it’s a pattern, it always catches me off guard. He says he doesn’t want the kind of life my potential success would bring. I almost got a huge job offer last fall, and he confessed to me that he’d been planning on suggesting we break up after I got the job. I did not get the job, and hearing him tell me this after the fact was like a punch in the stomach. It made me feel SO confused and hurt. I now feel—after ten years of this (though these dramatic blowouts only happens a few times a year)—that I’ve adopted his fear and I can’t shake it. I’m afraid of my own success and I already resent him for it. We are also codependent. The last break we took lasted almost two years and I insisted on it because I wanted to know he could be happy without me before I committed to him forever. He’s shared with me times where he’s nearly hurt himself because we were broken up. He makes me feel like I’m the only good thing in his life. It’s immense pressure and I’m just now finally starting to crumble under it. I love him with all my heart and I want him to be safe and happy, but being 100% responsible for his happiness and wellbeing and safety is an impossible job for anyone. As mentioned, this kind of behavior happens a few times a year. It is, by no means, the majority of the time. But it’s a pattern and that concerns me and affects me. We don’t seem to work through these challenges in a quiet, respectful, loving way—they’re dramatic, I’m screamed at, I shut down, I cry a LOT, and I try my hardest to help him work through his pain. By the end of it, he always feels better—he’s so grateful to me—but I feel drained and I feel more scared about the relationship. I don’t feel like we navigate these challenges well. Of course, navigating the good times is easy—but isn’t it how you navigate challenges that is most telling? I feel like these challenges have created cracks in our foundation over the years and I’m having a hard time repairing them and feeling like I’m safe on solid ground. I’m having a very hard time. Does this situation sound like a normal situation we can work through with this course?

    • I highly recommend that the two of you seek the support of a highly trained EFT couples therapist. His dependency on you and his fear of your success need attention before moving forward. You can find a local therapist here:

  184. Hi, my anxiety has got bad again. I’ve been starting to feel so alone in my relationship and like I have no one when my partner always treats me so well. I get hung up on the communication part of it because we aren’t big communicators so maybe that’s what makes me feel lonely. It just makes me feel anxious and depressed. I don’t want to leave him…. just asking if this is normal? To feel alone?
    I am going to book a session with you

    • It’s all normal, Carlie. I look forward to connecting in a session.

  185. Hi Sheryl,
    I’ve been suffering from anxiety my entire life. In the last few months I started the process of tapering antidepressant meds which i’ve been taking for over a decade, and that sent me into a complete breakdown, realising that i have been numbed and sedated by these drugs, without even realising it. (Has anyone else had this experience with antidepressants? I feel very much alone in this). This caused bottled up and completely repressed emotions of a lifetime to resurface and completely attack me, in the form of recurring and persistent anxiety attacks and overall anxiety.
    This withdrawal has caused me to become extremely over sensitive and my anxiety has been extremely high. It has manifested in everything in my life, but especially in the form of relationship anxiety and around my career/professional life. I’ve never heard about relationship anxiety before stumbling (accidentally!) into your work, and I’ve never felt so understood in my life. I feel that attending to the issue of relationship anxiety is pivotal in my life right now, however I feel that I need to attend to the issue of anxiety as a whole, and to begin to understand how to live with it, and learn fro it.
    I was wondering, if i take the relationship anxiety course, will that be helpful with other manifestations of anxiety? Or should I enrol on the “Trust Yourself” course, which will be more relevant to other types of anxiety?
    I’m desperate to start working towards feeling better.
    I’d really appreciate your response,
    Thank you

    • Yulia: Thank you for your comment and welcome to my work. Yes, that’s an extremely common experience in terms of coming off of anti-depressants and you’re far from alone. The Break Free From Relationship Anxiety course is the one to start with. It’s my most comprehensive course, and as you can see in the testimonials, it not only addresses relationship anxiety but anxiety in general, including teaching you how to meet your big feelings. I encourage you to start as soon as possible so that you can receive the guidance and tools you need to heal through this pivotal juncture in your life.

  186. I have always had relationship anxiety as well as generalized anxiety but since my engagement it has increased tenfold. Should I take the break free course since the anxiety it has always been a problem or should I take the conscious weddings course?

    • I recommend the Break Free course. It’s my foundational course and it will not only address your relationship anxiety and engagement anxiety but also your generalized anxiety.

  187. Hi Sheryl,

    I am unsure whether to take the break free course or the self trust. You replied to a comment i made previously and stated it sounded like i have text book relationship anxiety . I feel i need A LOT of reassurance also (throughout my life really) so wondering if this self trust is the core of everything. Perhaps i should try to address to core first? Do you address areas of both in each course? I don’t want to miss out on any good content! I feel i am improving in my relationship anxiety as have been working through it but sits still early days. Thanks and look forward to your reply!

    • This is my foundational course, so I highly recommend that you start here. You can learn a lot from my blogs, but the course goes far beyond what I teach here and offers a step-by-step, comprehensive approach to healing from relationship anxiety at the root. Down the road, I recommend taking the Trust Yourself program, but do start here first.

  188. Hi,

    I just payed for this course yesterday by paying via Paypal and did not receive an email so far. Anything else I need to do? 🙂 Thanks!

    • Juliane,

      The material was sent to the email address you used for purchase through PayPal, which is a hotmail address. Please check there, and if you have any other problems my assistant Kathryn is happy to help. Welcome to the course :).

  189. Hey Sheryl,

    I have been struggling with relationship anxiety for 12 years, since i Was 16. The suffering it has caused me I can’t put into words. I have missed out on years of my life, significant events with loving family, milestones of my own, etc – because my mind has been fixated on these intrusive thoughts. I have worked myself up to the point of being physically sick more than once.

    I can still remember the moment my first intrusive thought obsession began. I was cuddling up with my then girl friend at 16 years old, who said “this is perfect”. Everything was good in our “teenage romance” until that moment, I wanted to say/feel/agree with her, it was perfect, but like a punch to the face I felt a huge mental and emotional block, and couldn’t express it back. From that moment I became obsessed with these intrusive thoughts you have mentioned.

    This has been the same in every romantic relationship since. However these intrusive thoughts have become much weaker since i met my now wife, 4.5 years ago. However, we are expecting our first born child, and now more than ever I want to reach inside, and open my heart to truly give everything I know I am capable of to my baby, my wife, and my family.

    I have a long family history of anxiety and depression, my biological father left when I was a baby, leaving my Mum – who was struggling and has since with mental health to take care of me. Between the ages of 13 and 16, My mum and dad (dad = step dad) got divorced, I had my first heart break, I lost my best friend as he went on a different path (drugs etc), and my Poppa, who I was very close to passed away.

    There have also been many more significant events go on that have most likely been buried and not worked through. Typing this it’s no wonder I have suffered from relationship anxiety at the intensity and for the duration that I have.

    I will be signing up to your course over the next few weeks, I have just bought your book “wisdom of anxiety” , which I read in a day. And I am NOT a reader lol.

    I love my wife, I love my family and I Love my unborn baby. I will be doing all I can to see clearly so I do not waste as many moments.

    Thank you for offering your services, I really feel like THIS is the place to be.

    • Adam: Thank you for sharing your story, and you are, indeed, in the right place. You’re already making essential connections as far as what’s underneath the anxiety. With the book and the course, you’ll be able to begin to heal at the root and embrace the beautiful life that is right before you.

  190. Dear Sheryl,

    First of all, thank you so much for your work. Finding your site a couple of weeks ago gave me such a feeling of relief.
    The last two months I struggled with a lot of anxious intrusive thoughts about my boyfriend and relationship, but since discovering your site and reading your blog and book, I already gained way more peace of mind. I just took the decision with my (very loving and considerate) boyfriend to move in together from january on, but I noticed again a spike in anxiety coming from this decision, not only concerning him but also question like: “I’m never going to live alone again?! What if I still need to live alone for a while? What if I will get sick of living with someone else? What if I am ruining everything this way? What if I will push him away?” I feel like being in a major life transition now, in a way saying goodbye to an old way of life (as I always felt like the eternal single among my friends and family) and opening myself up to this new chapter in my life and discovering and rediscovering new parts of me building a life with him, and often it feels like I’m taking a real shot in the dark here. I would like to take your course, but am just not entirely sure it is fitting for my situation, since I am currently not finding myself ‘drowning’ in intrusive thoughts anymore, but am still on uncertain grounds. This will sound crazy, but being able to look at my relationship now more with ‘clear-eyes’, I am afraid the course will maybe spike my ‘fear-eyes’ again. ?Most of the time I feel like I could really use some guidance and was wondering if this course would offer that?

    Thank you!! ☺️

    • Dear Helena: I’m so glad you found your way to my work, and what wonderful self-work you’ve done already! You will definitely receive support and guidance through the course, especially when triggers re-surface connected to transitions (as transitions do). It’s highly unlikely that the course will spike your fear-eyes as it’s designed to do just the opposite: connect you to truth and love. I hope that’s helpful!

      • Dear sheryl, thank you for your answer. I decided to take the course and am very happy that i did! It feels very comforting and encouraging knowing that I’m in good hands. I’m looking forward to start this journey!

        • Welcome to the course, Helena :).

  191. To anyone wondering if they should take the leap and sign up:

    I came across this website in 2015 after a long and terrible “dark night of the soul.” I was in pain and I was struggling. I had been dating my boyfriend for 4 years and was going through what I was to learn was classic relationship anxiety for the past 2 years. I thought I needed to find myself, I thought we weren’t in “love” because the butterflies were gone, I thought he was too silly, I thought I was still “meant to be” with the one that got away. I even went so far as to break up with him for a month, but something brought me back.

    I signed up for this ecourse when it was on sale.. researching and crossing my fingers that it wasn’t a scam. It was the best money I’ve ever spent. I dove in and did the work and began to heal. I had been to endless therapists but none of them “got it,” the way Sheryl does. I could finally see that he was such a good man- funny, hard working, supportive, and warm. I could see that I was projecting on him and started catching myself when I was upset because of work or feeling unfulfilled and suddenly thought our relationship wasn’t what it should be.

    2 years later, we got engaged and in September of 2017 we got married. I stood at the threshold of change and welcomed it with open arms. I grieved my single self and stepped into my new role as a wife. It wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be- I think because I had been through this course and stopped trying to fight the emotions!

    We recently celebrated our 2 year wedding anniversary (8 years together!) and this morning I woke up first and watched him- in awe of how we’ve grown together and all that he means to me. I am so incredibly thankful. There are still hard seasons- silly fights, low intimacy, etc.- but there are so many good times! I feel all of it and accept that I am a highly sensitive person. I am grateful for the ability to feel the emotions of the world and care for others. It is hard sometimes but also feels like a gift. I’d rather feel like this than be numb.

    In conclusion: this is a great investment!

    • Thank you so much for sharing your experience, Kailey. What a beautiful success story on every level!

  192. I’m not sure what I googled but, somehow, I landed on Sheryl’s blog. I’d been in a long term relationship and anytime I thought of marriage…kids…”forever”…I panicked. I felt held back and was terrified of breaking my girlfriend’s heart. I didn’t want to split up, but because I kept coming up against this block, which I couldn’t put my finger on, I thought we’d have to part ways. I’d lay in bed at night tying myself in mental knots trying to figure out what was going on inside of me and how to overcome it.

    That fateful day I landed on Sheryl’s blog and it gave me such hope and reassurance because it felt like she was speaking directly to me and my situation as I read through some of her articles and posts. I felt understood and realised that there were others out there who felt the same way and that there was also an expert who understood me deeply. For the first time in a long time I started to feel excited that I could overcome the feelings that were getting in the way of the feelings I knew I had for my girlfriend.

    I bought Sheryl’s Relationship Anxiety course and jumped straight in. It was actually STRANGE how inside my head and heart Sheryl was. She said things that made my eyes widen with lightbulb moments…she provided exercises that helped me see and handle the emotions that were holding me back…she provided ways to heal the part of me that was scared of going all in…

    1 year later…we just got engaged!! Not only that – there is zero anxiety about the relationship and the wedding and “forever”. If I do ever feel it again though I know exactly what is going on and how to handle it (which lessens the fear of it and in turn lessens the chances of those thoughts and feelings coming back again). We’ve not only got engaged but we’ve booked with the wedding venue and wedding for six months time. I’m excited, not scared, something I genuinely thought I’d never feel.

    I’m writing this to encourage you that, if this page and Sheryl’s site speaks to you, sign up and learn from her. Right away. She genuinely cares and it’s clear she’s spent years and years working with people in this area because it felt like she’d been inside my head. Gently she’ll empower you to peel back the layers and get to the root cause of what is causing your feelings and thoughts to swirl.

    I know, not think, I know had it not been for her work I’d have eventually broken my now fiancees heart by backing out of the relationship. Then I’d have jumped into another and eventually the same feelings and thoughts would have surfaced with whatever partner I’d have moved onto. And what’s so sad about that is I’d be missing out on the relationship I now have, which I always wanted and was always there, and the future I am so excited about with my future wife.

    I can never thank Sheryl enough for her beautiful work and soul. But posting this here, hopefully, will tip you into giving her a chance and checking out her work. The investment in signing up is a bargain compared to the cost of not signing up and missing out on the relationship you can have and the person you can be.

    Now…back to finding a band for the wedding 😀

  193. Oh my god! i am so happy that i signed up to the Relationship anxiety course

    I amonly finishing lesson one and didnt expect it would be so complete and adressing so many themes that i have never heard of and that are so relevant! I usually dont like to read and think of myself as a person who has difficulty with reading but i am finding myself so very focused and devouring the written lessons! I love them! I actually think they make me slow down and absorb the information differently.

    I just had to share the enthusiasm as i though before this course that i had heard all there was to be heard already about relationship anxiety (online, in psychotherapy, in my own over thinking mind and other rocd courses) and i thought I was a lost cause but i feel so alive, understood and hopefull now that i am meeting your wisdom on this course. I cant believe this is only page 2 of the course and i am so satisfied already . ok i will stop myself there so its readable 😛

    Thank you ! 🙂 😀

    Roxanne, 29 years old, Montreal Canada

    • I’m so glad you’re having this experience, Roxanne! Thank you so much for sharing ;).

    • I love my partner so much. But at the moment I’m living in hell as I’m continuously questionin is she right? Do I find her attractive? I can talk to her for hours, she is a lovely person and don’t doubt the qualities she has. She is everything I want in a woman. But little things when I look at her make me question do I find her attractive? She is beautiful, stunning so ido not know why I feel like this. Now just those thoughts triggered other thoughts, do I really love her? Is she right for me? Will I wake up when we marry and regret waking up next to her? I don’t know why I feel like this, or what I can do to get over it. It started in January, I was fine again by June, and by the end of August all the traumatic feelings came back, and then again I was getting better i was happy around her, and then simple spots on her face triggered all the negative thoughts again? Why is this happening?

  194. Hi Sheryl, so sorry for the multiple posts but I am wondering which, if any, course might be appropriate for my situation. I cracked under anxiety and broke up with my boyfriend. I’d like to try again but I want to be sure that I will fight for him and for us before I make that a conversation between us. We are long distance and between that and the anxiety I was exhausted. I can’t do that anymore, and I want to be reasonably sure before I make my decision that I won’t be committing us both to more fruitless, discouraging, hopeless months where I’m scrutinizing him and hating myself for it. He deserves more than that.

    • This is absolutely the course for you. After going through it and committing to the practices, you’ll have clarity about your relationship anxiety and a set of tools that will help you move forward.

      • Thank you for the encouragement, Sheryl. 🙂 I guess I’m wondering how to balance the hope we might reunite with the possibility that I won’t have it in me or will decide that the reasons I left are truly dealbreakers. How do I grieve and hope at the same time — and if that’s my situation, would this course even be reasonable for me?

  195. Saying ‘”blank”‘ changed my life” would not encompass the value this course gave to me. I was in the throes of relationship anxiety: the obsessive googling (like what led you here), chest tightness, sense of dread, constant intrusive thoughts, including “I have to break up with him. I like him so much but I don’t want to hurt him.” I was convinced that my anxiety meant that my relationship, that the person I loved being around, was wrong for me. How could it not be? Was I ignoring my intuition? I felt like I would never feel calm or “in love.”
    Enter this course. It was like Sheryl had read my mail. She seemed to know what I was feeling, and best of all gave me hope. Her work taught me not to run from my anxiety, but to work with it. The tools she provides go way beyond the surface levels of anxiety about a relationship. She teaches self trust, and learning from your feelings instead of taking them at face value.
    Is the course worth the money? Absolutely! I’m not one to buy online courses, but I was desperate. Sheryl’s work was more than relief from my anxiety. It was the tools I needed to be a human. I would not be where I am, who I am, in my life today had it not been for this course. I’m not just talking about how I’m now happily married to that guy I liked so much and we have such a loving, healthy relationship. The tools I learned in this course have helped me to have the courage and clarity I needed to take other risks that have change the course of my life towards a more healthy future.
    If you found this page because you googled to find an answer, some relief, this is what you need, and so much more.

  196. Hi Sheryl,
    My story really short. I’ve been with my bf for 8years. We were always really great (warm, supportive, ‘crazy’) together. I have problems with depressive thoughts and low self esteem and my mental state was worse and worse. One time, on a trip together (when I was feeling really low) I got a thought “Do I love him anymore?”. It was just a thought, I didn’t act on it or think it through. Next day, he asked me to marry him. The first thought I had was a memory of my thought from the day before. I said yes, but I was anxious and inside I didn’t feel like I’m doing the right thing. I burst in tears after few hours, it was a nightmare for us. He told me that I need to decide. I was afraid that he will leave. I forced myself not to think those thoughts of not wanting to get married with him. It was like a mental violence that I did to myself. It was terribly hard because all of my insides were screaming. I did that, because I always wanted to be married to him and I didn’t understand these thoughts. So the engagement is the biggest nightmare in my life…. After it, ROCD started, slowly at the beginning, but now after 2 years it’s huge. What do you think about this, Sheryl?

    • It’s textbook relationship anxiety, Veronica. If you continue to read through the site and comments you’ll recognize yourself all over the place.

      • Thank you for your response. Although I feel like everybody have doubts “after” something good happens. When my boyfriend proposed, the first thing I felt was “I don’t want it”. It was literally the first thing and it was strong … I feel like my feelings are totally unpredictable and totally off chart.

        • My question is: when I feel a strong ‘I don’t want him’ and the idea of being together repels me sometimes, is it still ROCD? Or my mind knows something I don’t see? It’s like I am afraid of him and I have this feeling in my chest that ‘Something is wrong, I dont want him’. I will be really grateful for your answer.

          • As long as there are no red flags, it’s classic relationship anxiety.

  197. I would like to take the quiz for Relationship Anxiety but it doesn’t allow me to sign up for it as I’m already a subscriber (I’m in the Break freen from anxiety (general) course). Could you please forward the quiz to me?

  198. Hi there!

    First word: RELIEF.

    I don’t know exactly what I googled to get here… but this is the first time I feel truly understood. Reading all these messages and also taking the test made me realize I’m not alone! I identified with each and everything I read from Sheryl´s words, and with what many many other fighters wrote here… and it gives me such hope.

    I’m in a truly loving and commited relationship that’s over 2 and a half years now. My partner is everything I wished. Truly loving, generous, fun, good listener…. basically and excellent person. The first big crisis came when we moved in together and I started feeling all this doubt and opression (not generated by my partner whom is GREAT in every sense) but by my own obsessive mind. I managed to go through with the move-in.. but once we started talking about marriage, it starts all over again… and now it´s worse than ever. I’m SO afraid of “caving in” to my feeling of running away and leaving everything behind…I really don’t want to lose him. I KNOW he is right for me… but I still suffer so much.

    I’m really want to do this course (actually, need). I tried several times but our government (in Argentina) restricts payments from Paypal to a top of 50usd. I would like to know if there is any other form of payment to acquire the material (maybe transfer, or using other platform?). I would appreaciate it.

    Thank you very much!

    • I’m so glad you found your way here and yes, you can submit via transfer. My assistant will be in touch :).

      • Hi Sheryl, thank you so much for your answer. That is excellent news as I am very eager to learn and heal… and your course just seems the right path.

        I will wait for her contact 🙂

  199. I have suffered anxiety my whole life and it has hung onto many different hats. I’m just really confused as to what course would be good for me to take.
    I would appreciate your help, Sheryl.

    I had classic relationship anxiety when I first started dating my partner. My thoughts were “I don’t love him enough, he’s not good enough for me, what If i am lying to myself’ etc. And i felt sick every time I said I love you,I couldn’t do it for so long.

    Fast forward 4 years, we are engaged. When we first seriously started discussing marriage, anxiety crept back in. But it no longer sounds like “Do i love him?” but instead it’s saying, “Does he love me enough?” “Is he attracted to me?” and ” Something is missing and something has changed, he is different but I can’t quite figure out why”

    Is this relationship anxiety? I don’t know which course I should take. But I am called to take one of them.

    Thank you 🙂

  200. Hi Sheryl,
    Do you believe that some people would be more happy alone? I don’t think that my boyfriend is not enough and I know I love him. But my body and mind react very badly to the idea of being so close with other person(no childhood trauma). Maybe I should just let it go? How do you know that we should fight? I’m afraid that I will feel better after the course but then after many years I will leave him and hurt him badly. I feel like I’m different than every person here because I never dreamt of a relationship. However, I was also not happy.

    • It’s a bigger question than I can answer here but the fact that your body and mind react to being close to another speaks to fear-walls around trust, which almost everyone has regardless of history.

  201. I experienced relationship anxiety for a long time, without knowing what I was feeling. I had this extreme anxiety around my relationship with my now husband. I knew I had loving feelings for him but I also had strong doubts and feelings that I didn’t love him “enough” and staying with him would be dishonest.
    I found Sheryl’s blog and courses online and it was a life-saver and a healing process reading through them, being on the forum where others share their own experiences.
    Her courses and contributions through her articles are beautiful, healing and focus on an emotional issue that hardly no one else does in the psychological world.
    With the understanding I gained through the information and practical tools here, I healed and have a loving and peaceful relationship with my husband.

  202. Hi Sheryl!
    I have been suffering from obsessive disorders for years, although I have been diagnosed in the spectrum of affective disorders or depression, but each time the symptoms were ruminations, anxiety, unwanted thoughts. Only the topics changed. Less than two years ago, I divorced. The problem was not only my relationship anxiety but also my ex-husband’s alcohol abuse. I met my current boyfriend quickly. I fell in love. Unfortunately, the anxiety appeared several times and then disappeared. We have been living together for 2 months. He has a child from a previous relationship with us every other week. We all get along well. But the fear that has arisen now won’t go away. I started to get irritated about the little things my boyfriend does. The way he talks. I also got vaccinated on several of his physical defects. It hurts me a lot. It pains me to feel something like that. I started the course with projection and unwanted thoughts. Immediately after hearing it, I was happy that it could all be solved somehow. But luck passed quickly. Sheryl, do you think this course is for me after all?

    • Yes, based on what you’ve shared the course would benefit you enormously.

  203. Hi Sheryl.
    Well, I first came across your site TEN YEARS AGO! Back then I had been in a relationship with a great guy for around six months when I was hit with what I can only describe a huge wave of anxiety that he wasn’t the one, which led to months and months of questioning and mental analysis. In the middle of this, I became pregnant. After our baby was just turned one, we broke up. I wanted to move quickly on from the relationship and told all my friends that it ‘just wasn’t right’.

    Fast forward a few casual relationships over the years in which I didn’t really have relationship anxiety because I knew that they were only temporary relationships, and I met another guy a couple of years ago. I didn’t feel initial attraction, but after a few dates I decided he was a good guy and to make a go of things. A few months later, boom came the panic attack and debilitating anxiety with the obsessive and constant mental analysis. I guess we were incompatible in that I was a lot more social than he was and I just didn’t feel on an even keel with him. We broke up a few months later and again, my strategy was to move quickly on and cut all ties and pretend it didn’t happen and was all a huge mistake.

    Currently, I’m around a month into dating an amazing man who I genuinely see a future with and who I’ve always had an eye for since we started working together. We get on incredibly well, I find him attractive, and when I’m at ease I’m so happy with him! He’s loving and caring, and is just out of a marriage himself so we’re trying to take things slowly. I have such loving feelings for him, but I’m plagued by doubt and anxiety that this will be like the other relationships and that because I’m feeling this doubt, that it will just end like the others. I really, really want to be in a position where I can commit myself without that negative voice telling me that I’m just convincing myself and that it isn’t right. I know that I have anxiety issues generally, and I feel that when in a relationship that this becomes projected to the relationship/partner. My head is telling me that it would be easier just to break it off and not go through this, but I also know I don’t actually want to do that – I just want to be able to not feel as awful as I do right now! I think it’s obvious that this is a pattern for me, but my critical voice already screams ‘yeah, a pattern of choosing the wrong guy’. I have constant intrusive thoughts that say things like ‘you’re settling, this is going to go wrong, he isn’t what you really want, you’re fooling yourself, your feelings aren’t strong enough’ – it is ENDLESS. I don’t get a break from these thoughts all day. When I go to pick him up I’m consumed with the thought that I might see him and just KNOW that he isn’t right for me then go into panic mode. I feel that this is obviously a pattern for me, and that this issue would eventually raise its head in any future relationship.

    I know that I can be idealistic when it comes to love and have attributed past experiences to the whole ‘it just wasn’t right/enough’. When I was single I’d watch chick flicks with happy endings and tell myself I wouldn’t settle until I felt that I was having mine too. So why, when I have an amazing man who I know will treat me so well and is so committed to helping me with this fear, do I feel that it’s not enough and that my I should cut and run again, despite all the positive and loving feelings I have for him and us? Friends have relationship issues but they’re real life red flag issues, which make me so thankful that I’m not involved in something like that. And then I wonder but maybe they just know it’s right, so they put up with a lot of crap they shouldn’t?

    Anyway. I’m terrified to take your course and I have an awful voice that tells me I’m just fooling myself and to keep up my search for the ‘perfect’ relationship that doesn’t make me feel like this, but when I’m relaxed and not feeling anxious I know that my current relationship and partner is absolutely where I want to go. I’m so down and feeling terrible – I know that the only reason I would ever break this off is to get a break from the anxiety and attribute it to ‘just knowing that something wasn’t right’ despite the evidence of what it could evolve into, if I could get past these fears, being to the contrary.

  204. Hi Sheryl,

    I am just about to purchase this course however it takes me straight to Paypal.

    Once I have purchased this, is there a way that I will receive log in details for this course?


    • Hi Lia,

      Yes once you purchase you’ll receive all login information for the course at the email address associated with Paypal.


      • Hi Sheryl,

        Thank you very much! I have just purchased the course! Very excited to start 😀


  205. Hello Sheryl, I’m thinking about buying the course but it doesn’t specify, how long is it exactly? and how are the group calls scheduled? I worry I might not be able to make it to some of the calls.

    Thank you

    • Hi Alison: The live course is eight weeks long and the self-paced is on your own timing. The group calls are currently scheduled as follows (subject to change) Also note that with a global audience it’s unlikely all participants will be able to attend all of the calls. If you can’t make the live call you’ll have access to the recording immediately afterward:

      Wednesday Nov 18 at 3:15pm ET
      Tuesday Nov 24 at 12 noon ET
      Wed Dec 2 at 3:15pm ET
      Tuesday Dec 8 at 5:15pm ET
      Monday December 14 at 6:15pm ET
      Tuesday December 22 at 4pm ET

  206. Hi Sheryl,

    I am so grateful to have found this community and you. I felt so alone in my struggles and now I know I am not the only one. I have been experiencing, what I now know is, relationship anxiety since the beginning of my relationship one year ago. Everything was great in the first couple of months. I was in the best emotional state of my life in 2019 and I met my boyfriend that summer. Since we were in different cities we didn’t start dating right away and I was dating someone else from my city. The person from my city wasn’t ready to commit and I decided to end things, and rushed into a relationship with my current boyfriend, we decided to do long distance. I felt so valued and loved right from the beginning. He was everything I imagined my other half to be. And everything seemed so easy.
    A few weeks after we started dating, my ex reached out and completely surprised me. He explained how much he missed me and he was willing to work on his commitment issues. That’s when the panic began for me. I wasn’t sure what the right decision would be. I had feelings for both of them and I didn’t know what to do. I cried out of confusion and frustration every day. It drained me to my core. My boyfriend and I started to argue all the time. The pandemic set it and things got even harder. Doubts about my relationship surrounded me every day. I stopped wanting to have sex with him. I started regretting the choice I made. I kept going back and forth and trying to remember the good times and why I chose to stay with my boyfriend.
    This is mainly what has kept me going throughout the year but I am starting to forget how I felt in the beginning. The doubt and guilt have taken over everything good I used to feel. He has been supportive and understanding. I am seeing a therapist but when I started talking to her about my issues I got the general response if your values don’t align or you don’t feel like having sex with him then you need to decide if he is the right person for you. I no longer talk to her about my relationship.
    I also believe my behavior has triggered him to be needy and at times controlling. I am very independent and he is the exact opposite. He also moved and is now living in my city. This should have made me so happy and excited, and all I felt was fear and anxiety.
    I keep thinking about my ex, now a year later, and I don’t even know what to do anymore. Is this relationship anxiety or am I just wasting our time and putting us both through a hard time? Will this course help me and are there any blog posts you recommend?


  207. I an engaged to who l believe is the love of my life my wedding is in just one day and now l am doubting our relationship am freaking out l feel scared .. you should know we never lived together due to local traditions/religious reasons

    • Trust that this person is the love of your life and that the doubts are normal. Of course you’re scared: getting married is terrifying. The fear doesn’t mean you’re making a mistake. I recommend taking the course and going through it after your wedding.

  208. When is the next live course? Thank you.

  209. What is the cost. Ive been wanting to do this for about a year but havnt had the funds.

    • Price is listed above: $299 to pay in full and $167 for split payment over two months.

  210. Can someone tell me if this is a good course for these particular questions in my relationship:

    •I worry we do not have enough in common because it can be difficult to maintain conversations and laugh together. However, he is an amazing, loving partner and the rock I’ve always needed. I worry about relying on him too much, and I worry about our friendship not being strong enough, but he definitely makes me feel safe. Is this hopeless without the stronger “friendship” aspects of conversation?

    •I had extreme anxiety immediately when he proposed to me, is this a sign our relationship is wrong in some way I’ve avoided?

    •We never had a “spark” or super passionate, intense period. Am I forcing this?

    Thank you!

  211. Dear Sheryl,

    My name is Dari and I am from Moscow, Russia, and some time ago I started to have relationship anxiety.

    I just want your clients to know that they should not give up and there is a way out. Relationship anxiety is just a wonderful stepping stone where we can learn and discover what true love really means. Its a great opportunity to become better person to understand what is needed. Its a great way to learn about past traumas. I promise that after doing this work you only will love your other half even more! Every person who is reading this is in a kind, loving and caring relationship. I promise, you will just find out the truth: and the truth is that you have amazing strong heart, that you are amazing creative and kind person, that you have soft soul, you have strong and kind loving inner adult. And when these thought appear who told us that we have to believe them and to listen to them, right? We just have to observe them and ask whats needed. What is broken inside and needs our attention.

    Dear clients of this course, you dont have no other choice (no matter you want this or not:))) but the truth is that YOU ARE MEANT TO HEAL, you are meant to discover the truth about true love, to become better version of yourself. The truth is that you are kind and sensitive and that you love your other half soooooo much that this means more than anything to you, because you are here, ready to do this job and to take this course. Real love has so many stages, its ok not always to be crazy in love. Real love is a choice! No matter how heavy your thoughts you always have this choice to love and to stay with your loved ones. These thoughts are projections and illusions. You are true anxiety warriors and if you are here you have already won. You love your partners more than anything and you already won this battle with intrusive thoughts, just keep going:))

    • Thank you so much for sharing this, Dari. I’m delighted that you found your way to my work – all the way from Russia! – and that the course was transformational.

  212. Sheryl,

    My current partner and I have been together almost two and half years and since the two year mark I’ve been having painful intrusive thoughts surrounding the relationship. For the first two years everything was smooth sailing. Pandemic and all. But for some reason I started to feel off and then one day 5 months ago I had a thought that just spiraled me into this obsessive anxiety about if I’m in the right relationship. My mind and the thoughts have made me rethink the entire relationship and our future together. I know we share the same goals and I can honestly say I would be happy to spend my life with him, I’m just struggling to see how we will get there and emotionally drained from the constant doubt. Do you think this course would be helpful?

    • You’re describing textbook relationship anxiety and the course is designed to address these exact struggles. Freedom from constant doubt is entirely possible, and the anxiety is a doorway to help you heal long-standing and unmet needs and pain at the root.

  213. Hi Sheryl,
    I read in your comments that this is an on-going course. However if you had to estimate how long on average does it take to complete?



    • It really depends on how much time you spend on it each day. If you spent about 30 minutes a day and did all of the exercises (which I strongly recommend doing), you would probably complete it in about 4 weeks.

  214. Dear Sheryl,

    I am someone who has spent hours upon hours reading through your blog posts and would like to purchase the e-course but don’t know if it will apply to me even after taking the assessment. Would you be willing to offer some advice if you have time at some point? I would really, really appreciate it.

    So many of the people commenting on your blog posts mention that–despite the anxiety–they have a *feeling* deep down that they really do want to be with their partner, a deep sense of “rightness,” or of love. I can’t help but think that their experiences mean that I really am the exception and that your course doesn’t apply to me… Not only did I perhaps never have a sense of “rightness”; very early on in the relationship, I actually had a deep down feeling that this relationship was *wrong,* that I *didn’t* want the relationship and was forcing myself to stay, and that I was *lying* to myself. (My partner is extremely loyal, kind, patient, and loving, yet this horrible deep-seated feeling of “wrongness” has been there all along!!) 

    However, I do not want this feeling of “wrongness” to be my truth because he’s such a wonderful person, my best friend and emotional rock, and has treated me so well and loved me unconditionally. I know he’s an amazing person, so I want him to be the one I love and spend the rest of my life with. So *why* are there deep down feelings that scream “This relationship isn’t what you want! You *know* he isn’t right for you! Stop lying to yourself”? I’ve tried to ignore these thoughts and feelings, but they still pop up 2 years later! (Is this because the “truth” is that we’re wrong for each other, or will the bad gut feelings go away if I do the inner work?)

    What complicates matters even more is that our relationship is long-distance, so our “honeymoon” period happened purely over text and phone calls without actually seeing each other, and even then there was doubt and intermittent gut feelings of “wrongness”. This makes me question whether my “in love” feelings for him during our first year together were “fake” since I have only ever felt these feelings over phone calls and not while we’ve seen each others’ faces. Maybe I was just in love with the idea of him, or in love with the idea of love itself… I do want to learn about real love with him, but what if it’s not possible because the foundation is wrong?

    It just freaks me out because the culture repeatedly says to “trust your gut” and that it’s a terrible mistake to stay with a kindhearted and loving partner to whom your gut says no simply because you don’t want to be alone, don’t want to hurt them, and don’t think you’ll be able to find someone as good as them… This causes me SO much anxiety, and I desperately hope that the “bad gut feelings” and other doubts can go away without having to leave him! He’s too wonderful to leave! I want to heal and learn about love with him…
    Tl;dr, the main issues I’m hoping to understand before buying the course are: 

    1. Is it still possible to heal a relationship where, very early on, one person had a very strong deep down “gut feeling” that they didn’t actually want a relationship with the other person, and that their partner was “wrong for them”? (And I mean *very* early on; like I felt a desire to maintain a certain amount of distance a week into the relationship despite also wanting more emotional intimacy, but as soon as things started getting slightly more serious/committed, the gut feeling of “wrongness” instantly hit?) 

    2. What does it mean if the gut feeling feels SO real, and it was literally there since the very, very beginning? Have you seen anyone with a similar situation truly heal?

    3. Other folks on your website sometimes talk about a feeling of “not quite rightness,” but what about my case where there’s been an actual, deep down feeling of visceral *wrongness* from the very beginning of the relationship? Is it possible that we’re actually hopelessly wrong for each other and the “gut feeling” that was there from the beginning is my “truth,” or is this feeling just due to inner emotional issues and the “truth” is that the feeling can be healed?? 

    4. Can this feeling of “wrongness” really be cured and replaced with “rightness” if I do inner work, or will the inner work just force me to confront the painful “truth” that our relationship simply cannot work out and that I have to leave?

    5. Are there ever cases where–despite their partner being a wonderful human being who treats them extremely well and doesn’t have true red flags–a course member still ends up discovering that they need to leave because the “gut feeling” from the beginning told them “No, I do not want this relationship”?

    I would greatly, greatly appreciate your advice on these questions. I just want to make sure that the aforementioned situation is actually relationship anxiety before spending the $349. I know you’ve said in previous blog posts that the ego tries to convince everyone that they’re the exception, but I can’t help but think that I really *am* the exception because of the *initial* gut feeling of wrongness that’s been there since the very, very beginning.

    Sorry for the really long wall of text…. If you’ve made it this far in reading it, thank you very much. It’s really wonderful that you’re helping save people’s healthy relationships.


    • Did you ever your answers? I can relate to what you said and wanted to know if you were able to get better.

      Thank you!

  215. Hi Sheryl,

    I am fairly sure that I am suffering from relationship anxiety (aside from that ego-part of me that tells me I’m in exception and in denial!) and have had two therapists use the term OCD to describe what is happening in my head. I have had a lot of negative experiences around relationships prior to meeting my current partner three years ago, including emotional abuse and my parent’s divorce. I am starting EMDR therapy in January in order to re-process these experiences.

    My question is whether you would recommend undertaking this course alongside EMDR therapy or whether it would be best to wait until this is done and sign up later in the year. I know EMDR can be quite intense and triggering therefore I would be concerned about not being able to commit fully to the work.

    Many thanks,


    • The course is gentle enough that you could do both simultaneously, or even start the course before you start the EMDR to gain more ground in terms of understanding this anxiety theme, but I encourage you to trust yourself and follow what feels most loving for you.

      • Thank you Sheryl, you will see I have purchased the course. I think I owe it to myself to try.

  216. To anyone wondering if this course is right for them, I want to share my story.

    This time last year I was in my own personal hell – the hell of being trapped in a mind that is a slave to every anxiety-inducing thought that popped into it. I’ve dealt with anxiety (relationship anxiety in particular) on and off for most of my life, but had doing pretty well until the beginning of December 2020. The anxiety started out related to a new job I took that moved my husband and I to a new state in the middle of a pandemic. Thoughts of “am I good enough to do this job” quickly bled into my thoughts about my relationship. On Christmas Eve, my husband and I got into an argument and I went into full blown anxiety – the kind, which I’d experienced before, where I can’t function – can’t eat, can’t sleep, can’t think about anything but the anxious thoughts, frequent panic attacks, etc. On Christmas Day, I was questioning if we should get a divorce.

    At this point, I turned to Sheryl’s blog. I first discovered this work a few months into my relationship with my husband. At the time, the blog helped me through and I didn’t do the course. I got better and thought I was done with relationship anxiety. But then 2020 happened. And then, instead of just dating someone when the relationship anxiety set in, I was in a 3 year marriage wondering if I loved him enough or at all or if this was right or if I had made a mistake. I read through practically every post on relationship anxiety, transitions, etc. on this blog, but this time I knew I needed more help. I started to consider the “Break Free from Relationship Anxiety Course”, but questioned if it was right for me. And of course the anxiety through up all its usual defenses: “you are going to learn that you have to leave/you don’t love him,” “this isn’t relationship anxiety,” “this isn’t going to work for you,” etc. But after over 2 weeks of living in my own mental hell, I decided that I couldn’t live like that anymore and that even if the worst should happen (which in my mind was having to end the marriage), I needed to work through this and dig deeper into the roots of my anxiety than I ever had previously. I bit the bullet and signed up for the course in January.

    I cried through most of the Welcome video and knew immediately I was in the right place. I worked through the course slowly so I could digest everything I was hearing and reading. Slowly, but surely I started to feel the anxiety loosen its grips and my mind be more in control of its own thoughts. With the help of the course, I was able to recognize my own stuff that I was projecting on my husband and my marriage – childhood wounds, false beliefs of what love is, and most importantly – never feeling like I was good enough and that I needed to earn love. As I started to heal myself, my marriage started to heal. In March 2021 we bought our first home together and moved into our new home in April. A month later, we learned we had conceived our first child who we are now expecting in just a few weeks.

    I think everyday about what I almost gave up, what I almost lost, a year ago. If I had let my fear and my own unhealed wounds and insecurities win, I would have missed out on so much joy. I love my husband more today than I did the day we were married and I know that love will continue to grow as I focus on his wonderful, beautiful traits instead of the few imperfections in himself, myself, and our marriage. I know my husband and I would not be in the joyous place we are today without you and your work and I am forever grateful to Sheryl and her work for this gift.

    As my husband and I approach another major transition in life, from a married couple to parents, this time I know that I need to prepare for this transition consciously. I know that I have to continue to do the work, continue to look inward to determine what is going on inside me when I have certain thoughts/feelings, to determine what area of my life may be needing more attention from me, instead of projecting these thoughts/feelings on my husband. I feel strengthened by all I have learned and am grateful to have the resources from the course to return to as needed.

    The investment I made in myself and my marriage by taking this course has been priceless. I hope you are encouraged that this course can free you from thought patterns and habits that allow anxiety to hold you back so that you can come to live and love more freely than you ever thought possible.

  217. Hi Sheryl,
    I wondered if you think the course is for me. We’ve been together for 2.5 yrs
    For a year I’ve been struggling with this and haven’t felt love. Prior to this it was the most amazing relationship. Everything feels horrible. I keep getting the “I don’t want this” and it feels anxious sometimes and soild other times. I cannot connect to apart or me which is like he’s stay. It’s been a year – am I lost cause? Am I in denial? Sheryl he is so so loving. Truly the most amazing man I’ve ever met. When we got together I thought wow he is so different in the wet way, is never met and clicked with someone like him. Was that infatuation? The other day I had a thought or “he is enough and it felt good” but i I need honest advice. There is NOTHING to point to why I would think this… we brought a house a year ago hence why this started I think and I have trauma in my childhood.

    Please help.

    • Charlotte,

      You’re describing textbook relationship anxiety and the course will benefit you enormously. Transitions trigger past trauma which triggers relationsihip anxiety, so everything you’re describing makes perfect sense. There is a roadmap waiting for you with the course!

      Sending love,

  218. Hello Sheryl.

    I the test/quiz/ assessment still available? I can’t find it.
    With gratitude

    • Hi Simone: The assessment quiz is beneath the first batch of testimonials on this page and also beneath the pricing options. Please contact my assistant if you need further assistance and she’ll be happy to help: [email protected].

  219. Hi, first of all I could not do the assessment test, I’ll need further guidance on that please.
    Second sorry for my English, I’m not a native speaker.
    Third, I’d like to talk about my experience and would like to know if the course will also be helpful for me. Because as I was reading comments, I noticed that my experience might be somehow different.
    I have been dating wrong people, short relationships until 31 and was longing to find somebody who truly loves me and wanna make a life with me. Right after my mom died I met a guy, I wasn’t attracted to him physically at all but he was a very decent guy, so different from other guys I had met. He liked me from the day 1 and he had all I wanted from a man except physical attraction.. I didn’t care about physical attraction and continued taking to him, considering that it was a distant relationship.. after 3 months while we were I Dubai he proposed me and instead of being happy, I got depressed. I knew that something is wrong but I didn’t have the courage to end the relationship and leave such a good man. I said no to his proposal but I told him we need more time. We continued our distant relationship but the more I continued the more I got annoyed by my own feelings.. I found a therapist and she said you just have low self esteem and that’s why you aren’t attracted to him.. we got married and I started moving to the uk and living together since Nov 2021 and my anxiety developed.. it hits me for different reasons, health anxiety, fear of death and not relationship anxiety.. the more I read about physical attraction and that it can’t be forced(every one says that if attraction doesn’t exist, it won’t be created) the more anxious I become and thinking of divorce make me anxious too because every one thinks that I have a very happy life. I’m feeling devestated now.
    Do you think your courses are gonna be useful for me?

    • Nina: As far as the assessment, please contact Kathryn and she’ll be happy to help you with the assessment: [email protected]. You’re describing textbook relationship anxiety, and it’s absolutely not true that you can’t grow attraction. You could start with either this course or my Open Your Heart course, but I recommend this one so that you can start to heal at the root. And I recommend that you stop Googling because most of the information you’ll find out there will only spike your anxiety!