Are You Scared You're Making a Mistake? Or That You've Already Made A Mistake?
Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough – that he or she isn’t “the one”?
This E-Course is the anti-anxiety medication for your soul. If you’re suffering from relationship anxiety, whether single, partnered, engaged, or married, this is the best course of action you can take. Give yourself this gift today!
It’s an instant download of comfort, inspiration, and practical tools for managing your anxiety and realizing your clarity and love. This is the only e-course available to help you transform your relationship anxiety and marriage fear into clarity and serenity. It includes seven downloadable lessons of exclusive videos, MP3 interviews, articles, checklists, and exercises.
“Sheryl’s work was indispensable in helping me soothe and address my fears and anxieties around my engagement and approaching wedding day. Without her guidance, wisdom and assurances, my overwhelm may have clouded what turned out to be one of the calmest and most incredible days of my life.”
∼ Alanis Morissette
Watch and read more below…
Do you think you have an extreme case of engagement or relationship anxiety?
Do you feel alone with your experience, like no one understands?
You are far from alone and I assure you that you’re not an extreme case. But you don’t have to take my word for it. When you purchase the E-Course, you gain access to hundreds of pages of posts from the now-closed Conscious Weddings Message Board. Here you’ll read about women and men who were struggling with your EXACT issues, and you’ll be privy to the wisdom of those who made it through and are offering their advice to those in the eye of the anxiety storm.
“The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the e-course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey, but what I have learned is that it's not my fiancé. It's not anyone else. It's an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention.
I would encourage every single bride and groom to work through the e-course. I feel like it was such an eye-opening experience that everyone and anyone can benefit from. I learned so much about myself and I can truly say that I learned how to really fall in love with my fiance. Not a "fireworks and butterflies" type of love, but a real, safe, healthy love. I didn't even know what real love was until I started on this journey; I had a very skewed belief in a fairy tale. I didn't even realize that until the anxiety hit me and I found Sheryl's work. I am 100% certain that anyone who is experiencing anxiety over marriage will benefit from Sheryl's work. It has definitely changed my life and, if you are ready and willing, it can change your life for the better, too!
One of the best ways I can assure you that you're not alone is by offering you a FREE Sampler of the E-Course. Simply fill in your information below and you'll see that this information will apply to you whether you're single (yes, single!), dating, engaged, or married:
And once you purchase the E-Course, you will gain access to the NEW password-protected E-Course Forum where you can connect with other people who are struggling through the relationship anxiety and receive support from a group of very wise women and men who are now happily married, many of whom come back to the forum to offer lifelines to those still in the trenches. One of these "conscious marrieds" said of her experience with the Message Board:
“When I was going through all my anxiety, I couldn't sleep or eat, and I would just search the internet for answers all night long. When I finally found your site, I was in tears after seeing other people were going through this and I was not alone. That message board was my lifeline for months.
I truly can't thank you enough for making me work through all the thoughts that were going through my head. I really married such a wonderful person . We are expecting our first child in July, so new adventure here we come!"
- Anna Minzel, Seattle, WA
Along these lines, you'll also receive four MP3 interviews with women who were anxiously engaged and have now been happily married for several years. They share their struggle in detail and let you know that you’re not alone, crazy, or an extreme case! Many of these women are part of the conversation on the new E-Course Forum. As Leisha in Lesson 4 shares (who had a glorious wedding day and has been happily married since 2006):
“All of a sudden I felt overwhelming sickness which I later realized was a panic attack. After that I couldn't function. I couldn't eat and lost a ton of weight. I couldn't sleep and when I did I would wake up crying. I could not function. It took about five months to get to the point that I wasn't panicky."
- Leisha Clenenden, Riverside, CA
Do you worry that you'll feel this way on your wedding day?
Here's the short answer: If you work through the E-Course and give yourself enough time to address your fear and grief, you won't! Every client I've worked with has had a beautiful wedding day and, more importantly, felt prepared to enter marriage. Furthermore, as you'll hear in the MP3 interviews in the E-Course, everyone who goes through this transition consciously is actually grateful for their struggle with anxiety! Don't believe me? When you get to the other side, you'll say the same thing.
“ I got married on July 23, 2011, so I am now a wife and newlywed... wow! Something I wasn't quite sure I could pull off in the throes of anxiety! I have been with my husband for 5 years; we got engaged in February 2011, something I had been wanting for a year or so. Almost immediately I started to panic. Since I didn't think that response was appropriate, I went into a tailspin from there. The first few months of engagement were so hard (no sleeping, no eating, sobbing, feeling alone, etc.) and then I found this course, which was the best thing that could have ever happened! It allowed me to feel my feelings, to address them directly, to hear stories to make me know I wasn't alone and to start working on myself. I had the most amazing wedding day of my life... We have been married for almost 6 weeks and it's been lovely."
What you learn through the challenges cannot be measured in money or expressed in words but will help you become a happier, more stable person for the rest of your life. Because if you fit the profile that I describe in detail in Lesson 1, this isn't the first time you've felt anxious and had difficulty making a major life decision. Wouldn't it be life-changing to learn the information and tools that will help you navigate every transition you'll ever go through? It starts now.
“When I got engaged to my long-term boyfriend, I almost immediately started to panic. My mind knew that he was an honest, kind, truly good man that I trusted and felt safe with, but fear completely took over. I felt unsure that he was "the one" or "the right one." Growing up, I never had many examples of happy marriages around me, and as an adult I've watched marriages fall apart. I didn't have a lot of confidence in marriage in general, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to commit.
"These unsure feelings caused me so much stress that I stopped sleeping through the night and felt very closed off from my fiance. For months, I couldn't bring myself to talk to any of my friends about my "cold feet" because I was sure that these feelings meant something bad. I held it inside to the point of almost breaking down. I avoided wedding planning and panicked when it came time to send our save-the-date cards.
"As a last-resort, I decided to sign up for the e-course. Almost immediately, I started to feel little sparks of hope. It forced me to spend time on understanding myself more fully, recognizing which feelings were normal and which had to be worked through. I realized that I was not the only person in the whole world experiencing engagement anxiety. Through the course, I came to understand a lot about myself and fear.
"The e-course is a study of becoming more conscious of your thoughts. It is not a quick fix; instead, it's a self-paced, rebuilding of the way you understand your feelings and thoughts. The more you understand about your self and your anxiety, the more power you feel over your anxiety. Because of the e-course, I was emotionally ready to experience all of the love I felt on my wedding day, without panic. I'm so grateful for Sheryl and I recommend this course to anyone who is on their engagement journey.”
11 exclusive videos totaling over 2 hours of information
4 exclusive one hour podcasts from women who were anxiously engaged and are now happily married and 1 podcast from a man married 29 years
Three email sessions with two different clients
Access to the NEW Password-Protected Message Board and hundreds of pages of posts from the Conscious Weddings Message Board Archives (which many happily married women credit is the single most influential reason why they didn’t run)
18 articles (9 exclusive articles)
Checklists to help you identify the areas of this transition that are most affecting you
Notecards for the anxiously engaged with positive, truthful statements that you can print and cut out to keep handy in your bag or pocket
Exercises from The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner
A Wedding Day Meditation MP3 to help prepare you for your wedding day
“The most helpful thing about the eCourse was reading that most other people were going through the same thing. The hardest part about this transition is feeling alone and when I learned that I wasn’t alone, I felt less guilty for my feelings. I was anxious for ten months leading to my wedding day, but the wedding day was great. I was very calm (I had listened to the meditation from the eCourse a few days before and the morning of). In fact, I was so calm everyone commented on it. People would say WOW you don't look nervous at all, you look so calm, no jitters? I laughed inside thinking I've had wedding jitters the past 10 months.... today I feel good.
Part of me started wondering if I was just disconnecting myself and that's why I didn't feel nerves. Then when we got to church it hit me. I felt LUCKY AND LOVED. It was supposed to be a rainy weekend and the sky opened up when we got to church. Being the way I am and always thinking the worst is going to happen and stressing about all the bad things and what ifs, at that moment I started to cry because I felt so lucky that everything was going great. I also felt so much love. At one point LOVE is all I could think. Thank you for everything."
- Giuliana Montenegro, Union City, NJ
From a client who's email session is included in Lesson 2:
“I got married! Successfully! Consciously! I was very impressed with myself! I owe every bit of my being on that day to YOU AND YOUR WORK! I don’t even want to know how I would be now if I didn’t google “is it normal to be scared of marriage?”! I can’t thank you enough! Best wedding present! I hope my [email session] helps someone like me!”
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What if it doesn’t work? What if I go through the E-Course and I’m still anxious?
The E-Course isn’t a magic pill that takes away your anxiety just by reading the material and watching the videos (I wish I had that magic pill!). You have to work through the exercises and give your fear time to work through. The E-Course will provide you with accurate information to replace your false beliefs. It will provide you with tools and exercises for working with your fear. It will provide you with comfort from reading about and hearing other women’s and men's stories that are just like yours. But the real work has to come from you and your commitment to taking full responsibility for your well-being. And there are two factors that I can't include in the Course: time and patience. There are six factors in the equation that result in serenity:
accurate information + effective tools for managing anxiety + support + validation through other's stories and posts + time + patience = serenity
The E-Course offers the first four factors, but there's no way to package TIME and PATIENCE. However, I will say this: Every single person who has worked with me in some capacity (read my books, frequented the message board, worked through the e-course, and/or had counseling sessions) and has found the patience to give themselves enough time, has found their serenity. Across the board without exception. With the E-Course and Time, you will find your answers, too.
2. What if I work through the E-Course and discover that I don’t want to get married?
Then you’ll have found your clarity and serenity. Serenity doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll avoid difficult feelings; it means that you’re at peace with your decision, whatever you decide. And better to find out that you don’t want to get married now than after you’re married. And just in case that statement spikes your anxiety, of the hundreds of people who have gone through the e-course, not a single one has left their partner.
“Three weeks before my wedding, I was furiously searching the web, looking for an answer to why I was feeling sick - literally sick: I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function. And I had a wedding to plan. A therapist and a few friends told me, "Well, if you feel this way, it can't be right - don't do it." But the thought of canceling the wedding made me more anxious than the thought of going through with it. I knew that the root of what I was experiencing was far deeper and more complex than finding a solution by simply canceling the wedding. It wasn't cold feet; I knew it was something more.
"After finding Sheryl’s web site, my instincts were validated: these feelings were more than cold feet. I immediately signed up for the e-course. It was the best gift I could have given myself. This course is not designed to tell you whether or not you are marrying the right person – no course and no one can tell someone that. What the course does, and did for me, is give you the tools to wade through all the noise: the noise in your head, the noise in the media, and even the “noise” from some well-intended loved ones. The tools in the e-course are not only tools that you can use to help you with the transition of marriage – they are tools for life. I highly recommend giving yourself this life-long gift.”
∼ Sophie, Nova Scotia
3. What if I’m a guy?
The E-Course applies to men, too. Some of the language is gender-biased, but don’t let that stop you. More and more men are finding their way to my work and realizing that they have a boatload of fears that need to be addressed before they can marry without anxiety, like A.G. from North of England:
“Two months before my wedding I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn't have any love for her. 'She's not the one', I thought. I couldn't believe what I'd done. How could I have been so stupid to let things get so out of hand so quickly? There was nothing else for it. Imminent though the wedding was, I couldn't go through with it. I went home to break the news to her. I said that for some reason, I was having to let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn't know why. As I spoke those words, I knew that to end it was not what I really wanted. Within half an hour, we'd patched things up to the extent that we were re-engaged but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I still felt as though I didn't love her, but I couldn't find any real reason why.
I spent a huge amount of time searching the internet for advice on cold feet and general wedding anxiety, none of which was helpful. 'Doubt means don't', they all yelled at me. Two weeks before the wedding I found the Conscious Weddings website. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mind. I learned so much about myself. About how my perceptions and expectations of marriage had been shaped by the media in the form of romantic comedies and how if your stomach doesn't do somersaults every time they walk into a room, it means you don't love that person. I realised, although it seems obvious now, that if that's the way it is, then there isn't anyone who has been with the same person for more than two years who can claim to be in love.
It's taken a long time, but I can say without any shadow of a doubt that I love my wife and I love being married. If you're reading this now after searching the internet for reassurance then, as cliched as it may sound, I know how you're feeling. Trust me. Do the work on this e-course and you'll be more than fine. You'll find your way to a kind of love that you didn't know existed. - A.G, North of England
The beauty of transitions is that it’s never too late to complete an unfinished transition. If you’ve found yourself here it’s probably because you’re struggling with post-wedding anxiety or depression. You might be thinking, “Shoot. I wish I had found this information before I got married.” Don’t worry! It’s not too late! The sooner you address your fear and grief and learn the information and tools that will help you work it through, the sooner you will find your serenity around your marriage transition.
"My husband proposed with all of my family around us. My first thought was, 'Oh my God, what have I done, we can't get married, I don't love him enough. I can't believe I led him on for 7 years, I'm a horrible person.' What I didn't realize is that those thoughts were completely normal. I believed the thoughts because I had the thoughts so they must be the truth. This was NOT the case at all but I couldn't see it at the time. I was normally such a happy, loving person. What in the world was going on? I was now the girl that wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, didn't want to be around anyone or anything. I couldn't get out of bed, I sobbed many, many times a day. Where did this amazing person go? What was happening to my relationship? Was I going to run, break my husband's heart, and not marry him after all we had been through? I went into a deep, dark depression. I was depressed throughout my entire engagement. I had never been depressed before in my life! Now, I was at the doctor getting medicine for anxiety? I was completely different from everyone else, this is horrible. This had to be wrong, this had to be a bad choice. Right?
"I found the E-Course after I had been married for several months. After I spoke with Sheryl and all of the people on the message board. I realized that this wasn't wrong. My reaction was completely normal. I dealt with extreme anxiety my entire engagement. After I got married, I still dealt with mild anxiety for quite some time. However, I used many tools that were provided for me through the e-course. I have now been married over a year and I get anxiety very rarely."
Most therapists aren’t trained in the specifics of going through a transition in general and the wedding transition in particular. Sadly, I’ve heard countless stories of people’s therapists who respond to the doubt and fear with the dreaded, “Well, maybe that means you shouldn’t be getting married.” And even the best of therapist don’t have the information and tools at their fingertips that can help you through your engagement or newlywed anxiety. This e-course isn’t therapy, but it works beautifully in tandem with a good therapist (please see my counseling page for more information on my sessions and unique approach to working with anxiety).
“I met the man of my dreams after a few failed relationships and many heartaches. There was so many times I had to pinch myself as the guy who swept me off my feet seemed too good to be true. He is handsome, funny, smart, loyal, and genuine and every other amazing word you can think of. I couldn’t believe it when after Chris proposed to me I fell into a pit of depression and serious anxiety. It was debilitating and for a few weeks I was an emotional mess; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried and constantly felt sick. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I felt when Chris was everything I wanted and more and I wanted to get married for a while. The only explanation I could come up with for my feelings were ‘maybe I’m feeling this way because he isn’t the right one’ or ‘maybe I don’t love him enough’ ‘maybe we aren’t meant to be’. These thoughts tormented me for quite some time and I tried to push them away. Sometimes when I ignored them I would feel better for a little while but then they would creep back to me and drop me in a pit of depression all over again.
"We set our wedding day for 28th April 2012 so I had 2 years to get my feelings in order. I decided to take action: I started seeing a therapist to deal with the actual physical anxiety and I started researching online. A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Conscious Weddings – Sheryl Paul's work and the first blog I read I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone and also there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings. I signed up for the e-course almost immediately and got straight on with the lessons. I read and read and read. I spoke to my fiancé about it and I showed him some of Sheryl’s videos so he could really understand how I was feeling (even though he was so supportive anyway despite being slightly confused at times), I frequented the forums and read as much as I could. I come from a family and past of much anxiety and stress and it was time for me to break the cycle...
"Marriage so far has been amazing; I have made such a great decision with such an amazing person. I would encourage anyone who has visited this website looking for help to do this e-course and join our community. There is so much help here and so many people who feel exactly the same as what you feel. We don’t all have the exact same story or history and we don’t all have the exact same thoughts but we all searched for the same things which lead us to this website and I guarantee you that this is the place to be. Hang in there, be strong and don’t give up.”
Without a doubt, the e-course would be immensely helpful to you. It's the best course of action anyone struggling with relationship anxiety can take, whether single, partnered, engaged, or married. The sooner you take action, the sooner you'll experience the relief that hundreds of e-course members have experienced. Through the private, password-protected e-course forum, you'll also "meet" others in your exact situation: not engaged but struggling with relationship anxiety with such severity that its threatening to break apart their loving, solid relationship. You've found your way to the right place and help is on the way!
7. I’ve read “The Conscious Bride” and all of your articles. How is this different?
This E-Course begins where “The Conscious Bride” left off. I starting writing “The Conscious Bride” fourteen years ago and it was published ten years ago in 2000. Since then, I’ve counseled and advised thousands of women and men through relationship anxiety, and the evolution and expansion of my understanding is reflected in this E-Course. Where “The Conscious Bride” focuses more on helping people through the grief, loneliness, and archetypal fear, the E-Course focuses on how to understand and ultimately resolve relationship anxiety.
8. What are the seven lessons? What if they don't apply to me?
Each of the seven lessons is based on one of the most common questions that I’m asked, so chances are high that the majority of them will apply to you. These questions are:
1. What’s Wrong With Me? or Understanding Your Personality Type and An Overview of Transitions: Here you’ll learn about the profile of those prone to anxiety, why some people seem so happy in their relationship, and an overview of transitions.
2. Why Is My Partner Driving Me Crazy? or Understanding Projection: Here you’ll understand projection and the breakdown of the fantasy of the perfect partner that begins when you the relationship turns "real".
3. What If I Don’t Love Him or Her Enough?or Understanding Real Love: Here you’ll learn about the difference between real love and infatuation.
A few days after starting the course:
I cannot begin to tell you how my level of anxiety has just plummeted since I found this website and ecourse. Knowing that I am normal and not alone has quite honestly cut my anxiety in half! When I first had a little anxiety attack, I began to have more and more anxiety, simply about the fact that I was anxious -- my gut must be trying to tell me not to get married, I thought. Now that I know it's okay to be anxious (and sad and lonely) I feel better. Really since my fiance and I met I've worried I don't love him enough, or that I'm settling, because we don't have the infatuation I had with previous relationships. But we do have the strong, steady, reliable comfort of the kind of healthy relationship I never had before. Also, the way he eats drives me CRAZY and I'm glad to know that's not unusual. This experience of being on the forums and working through the lessons have turned a light back on inside me I had forgotten about. Thank you!
Three weeks after her wedding:
I have now been married almost 3 weeks (yay!), and I am just happy as a clam (even his eating habits bug me less). By the time the wedding arrived I was in a state of calm I could not have dreamed of when I was up in the middle of the night searching the internet and came upon your website. My wedding day was amazing - I just got the photos back today, actually, and there is a giant grin on my face in every single shot! I have settled into a contentedness I've never experienced before, and I am so grateful for what I learned working through your lessons and the forum. Thank you. -Newlywed, Memphis, Tennessee (May 2012) To read this complete testimonial, click here
4. What If These Feelings Mean That I’m Making A Mistake? or Accepting Uncertainty: Here you will learn to distinguish between real fear resulting from a red-flag issue in the relationship, anxious fear and healthy transition fear and you’ll be offered a relieving perspective on the word “mistake”.
5. How Do I Manage My Anxiety?Here you’ll learn highly effective tools for handling the anxiety both in the moment and for the rest of your life.
“Before I found the E-Course, I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course, I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of practice, I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage from working through the lessons, journaling, and the support of the forum when I knew that this had nothing to do with my partner but was fear trying to protect me from getting hurt by love.”
Ashley's MP3 interview is in the free E-Course Sampler
6. What If I Feel Like This On My Wedding Day? Here you’ll receive practical tools to support all of the emotional work you’ve done to support your wedding day serenity.
7. What Does Marriage Mean Today? Here you’ll learn to dismantle the idea that there’s one way to have a marriage and explore the most common reason why marriages fail today You’ll receive seven lessons that will guide you to the clarity and joy that you seek. And unlike having a counseling session, you’ll be able to listen to the videos and podcasts as many times as you need to until you start to absorb the truth. A lot of the anxiety that emerges during the wedding transition is a result of the lies and unrealistic expectations that our culture disseminates and that you’ve absorbed from the time you were old enough to absorb information. The more you understand the truth, the more you’ll be able to battle the fear-based lies that you’ve been telling yourself ever since the anxiety began.
9. Is it really worth the expense?
The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $26,000. So, yes, it’s worth the expense : ) But the real question to ask yourself is this: What is the cost of NOT getting the help and support you need? What will happen to you - and your relationship - if you don't address your anxiety thoroughly and effectively?
10. I'm still uncertain. Do you offer any free consultations? Yes, if you're uncertain about whether or not the E-Course is right for you, simply contact me directly using the contact form at the bottom of this page and ask me any questions you have about the course.
From a woman who worked through her pre-engagement anxiety:
I got engaged last week! Your e-course really helped me answer my questions so I could say "yes" with joy when he proposed! This is a miracle as I'm 38 and thought I'd never get to this point! I'm still trying to work through and feel the fear when it comes up. The latest voice says, "How do you know you really know him and he's not going to be this different person someday?" But now I can see where that comes from and can talk to my fiancé about it to dispel the fear. I don't feel happy all the time in my engagement; it's stressful too. But I'm so thankful for your eCourse! We're getting married this fall (2011) and I'm looking forward to the journey.
- Julia H.
Your peace of mind is worth it!
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If you have a question about the e-course, please submit it below in three brief sentences or less. Due to the volume of emails that Sheryl receives, she cannot read and respond to lengthy inquiries, but she's happy to answer a very specific question to help you determine if the course is right for you. If you write a long inquiry you will not receive a response. Before submitting your question, please be sure to read the Frequently Asked Questions section on this page to see if it's already been addressed.
188 comments to Are You Scared You’re Making a Mistake? Or That You’ve Already Made A Mistake?
Sheryl’s e-course has taught me so much about myself and therefore about my relationship. Just a month ago I thought that my only option to feel better was to leave. Now, as I go through the process, I realize that would have been the biggest mistake I could have made. Once I learned where my feelings were really stemming from, I learned that I would be this way in any relationship and leaving would not have fixed my feelings. This e-course made me learn more about myself than I ever have. Choosing love feels right. This e-course is worth looking into for anyone having doubts about their relationship!
This e-course has been one of the most beneficial decisions I have ever made. As a young girl in college, I didn’t think it would be worth the payment–however, i continue to receive wisdom and encouragement from the other women involved in the e-course daily. I have never once regretted my purchase. The e-course forum is a SURE way to know that you are NOT alone in this tough time and really the only reason I have a hope of making it through this WITH my partner still by my side. I would recommend this to ANYONE if ANY of the above anxiety-provoking questions have entered your mind. Thank you Sheryl!!!!
Before I found this e-course, I was in total despair. I had just packed up my things and left my boyfriend because I felt the familiar pang of deep, fearful anxiety in my stomach and believed that meant that I “just knew” things wouldn’t work out, and therefore I “had” to leave. A few days later, I googled “relationship anxiety” and found Sheryl’s work. I cried and cried– how perfectly she described exactly what I was feeling! For the first time, I felt hope. I knew I had a lot of work ahead of me, and I ruminated for a few weeks before deciding to purchase the e-course, and I am so glad that I finally went for it. I felt immediate relief as I went through the lessons, still knowing that I was making a big commitment to examine myself and work on my anxiety in all its forms. But with Sheryl’s warmth and insight, and in such an open and loving place as the forum, I wasn’t afraid. I’ve now been working on my core issues for several months, and while there is still a long way to go, I am perpetually grateful to have found Sheryl’s work and the support in the forum. I finally feel like I am moving towards the life that I want for myself. I would recommend this e-course to anyone who is dating, engaged, or married and dealing with relationship anxiety. It is worth it a million times over, and there is nothing else like it out there!
Thank you, hopeful, trustingandpraying, and Lydia. You’ve all done such incredible work on yourselves since joining the course! It’s clear that the pieces are falling into place.
Echoing Lydia’s experience, finding Sheryl’ work was life changing for me. Though I’d done a lot of work on my anxiety, over a number of year- I’d never had an explanation for the often intense and painful ruminations I’d go through about my boyfriend then fiancé. After 6 years together, 3 in the pit of hell, I found This website in a desperate googling session after sharing my latest round of anxiety with my new fiance. He had heard it before from me, and told me we could not spend the reat of our lives going around in circles. and though i agrees with him, and so desperately wanted to be able to enjoy what was so clearly sitting in front of me again. But i had no idea how to get myself out of it. I was afraid to talk to anyone about it, for fear they would say my thoughts were true and ‘doubt means dont’.
Although i dont remember the exact article, i still remember what it was like to first read Sheryl’s work. Tears of relief, recognising all of myself in the articles, validation that I wasn’t mad and DID love my fiancé. Respite and a grounded response to the horrible and unrelenting thoughts.
Sheryl has an incredibly eloquent way of supporting those of us who have an increased sensitivity and awareness of transitions, and she has harnessed a beautifully supportive and kind community on the forums.
Whilst life is not now ‘fixed’ after my time here, I’m married to a man I love and am grateful for and mostly can laugh of the ruminations about him (on the much rarer occasions they show up) But, moreso Sheryl’s work has changed me because its given me a deeper looking glass through which to view and under stand my life and I am richer for that.
i am honoured to be able to recommend sheryls work and the e-course, i am certain that if i hadnt i would have left my fantastic relationship ages ago and would probably be still searching for something i had all along. Not only has the e-course enhanced my understanding and expectations regarding my intimate relationships but it has also allowed me to grow as an individaul. Having found Sherlys site in the throes of anxiety and reading through her archive of posts it was almost as if she had written about me , i felt immense relief. This was the start of an amazing journey, on which i am still travelling. i am 13 weeks out from my wedding and because of the e-course i know my truth is with my fiance , i am still working hard on myself and breaking down many false beliefs i have stored over my 37 years, however i can say with certainty if i hadnt found this site i would have never had my eyes opened to this fantastic learning and personanal deveopment opportunity. i am excited yet nervous, happy and sometimes sad but what ive learnt is all this is not anything to do with my relationship, this is the ebb and flow of life highly recommended xx
I’m really thankful to have found Sheryl’s wedding e-course. I’m neither married nor engaged, but I’ve struggled with relationship anxiety for a long time. The week that I found Conscious Transitions, I had gone through a very difficult week of panic attacks and intense anxiety regarding my relationship. The questions, doubts, and fears that I had previously suppressed came to a head, and I had no idea how to handle it and felt so alone! The wedding e-course has brought me relief, support, and growth that I have not found elsewhere. The lessons have helped me to uncover unrealistic expectations that I had for relationships and has also given me tools to address the reoccurring fear and anxiety that I’ve felt throughout my relationship. The course has shown me that anxiety is normal. (What a relief.) Doubt doesn’t mean that you’re in the wrong relationship. Feeling in love isn’t the basis for a relationship. Relearning healthy expectations for relationships and dealing with the anxiety is difficult to work through, but I’m so so thankful to find that I don’t have to be a victim to it. Lastly, I just wanted to say that the forums is such a great place to receive support from other members.
This e-course helped me to understand where my anxiety came from. I am still working on it but I am doing way better! And it’s a real learning experience! You will grow thanks to this e-course! I was so lucky to find this website!
This course was a God send for me! I was in a serious relationship with a wonderful man when my anxiety really started. I am now happily married and I am so thankful I worked through my anxiety. This course has taught me so much about myself and life. I learned so much and I am still learning. I thank God everyday for the work he has been doing and continues to do in my life. I also thank God all the time for people like Sheryl who are so selfless and giving when it comes to helping and guiding others! Sheryl and this course really were a life line for me during many difficult moments during this past year! My wedding day was one of the most special and amazing days of my life thanks to this course and the things Sheryl has taught me. I can’t thank her enough!!
Thank you, Leah. It was a privilege to guide you through the tricky terrain of transitions and all that it activates.
I have to say this e-course has saved my relationship. I truly believe it can help you too without a doubt. I have been suffering from anxiety most of my life. I always felt lost, confused and miserable. Now I feel like a new woman after reading the lessons. It honestly works! Putting the time into doing the e-course is so worth the time and money. Nothing is more important than your health and happiness. As Sheryl has helped so many men and women, I like to do the same by sharing my positive experience.
Thank you, Angela! I’m so glad that the e-course has had such a profound effect on your life. Thank you for taking the time to share your experience.
The e-course is worth every. single. penny. It’s the best wedding present I could have gotten myself. I struggled so much with “what if” thoughts. I was beside myself. And while Sheryl’s blog is helpful, the e-course provides constant access to not only the lessons you need to educate yourself, but tools to manage what you’re going through, so that you’re able to get to a mental space where you can dialogue and confront your feelings. And because we’re not always “cured” – it’s a great resource for the times when you’re just having an anxious few days. I’ve been engaged for 10 months now, and can say proudly: I’m so happy and so excited to get married, and so much of that is the work I did here.
This course has radically changed my engagement experience. I have only been through the lessons once so far over four weeks, but within the first week my anxiety eased significantly and the relief that came with the insight was enormous. The course has given me the space and ‘permission’ to feel the difficult and painful feelings, learn to accept them, examine them, and understand them, in order to move through and past them. I am infinitely grateful to Sheryl that I do really feel like I am moving through them. Having been in a state of despair and depression beforehand, I am now starting to tap into a sense of deep calm, with glimpses of potential for joy & excitement, and love! Truly, had I not found this, I think our engagement journey would have continued to be very difficult and I don’t know how it would have changed; and although this journey is only really just beginning for me, the difference now is that I understand the context, and am gaining the tools to allow me to move through this in as comfortable and conscious a way as possible. This course provides such an enlightened and important education – not only for marriage but for life. Thank you so much!
Sheryl, is this a course that a couple could go through together? My wife and I have been happily (I thought) married for five years, and now she is questioning whether I am the one for her or not. I found you through your “The Grass is Always Greener Syndrome” article on Huffington Post, and I think my wife is feeling similar to the woman you described in the article, although I’m not sure an ex is at the root of it or not. She’s willing to work on this, and I’m willing to try anything. Thanks.
Hi John: It’s not intended to be worked through as a couple but for the person who’s experiencing anxiety. Your wife would have to be motivated to work through her anxiety in order for the material to have a positive effect. You could certainly view the ecourse material as well as it will only help you understand what she’s going through, but it’s not a couples’ course.
This ecourse has provided me with a valuable way to work through not only my relationship anxiety, but my general anxiety. I’m still new to the process, but I no longer have panic attacks, my relationship has improved and continues to improve, and I no longer feel alone. I’ve even had the benefit of meeting some of the wonderful conscious women on the forum. Thank you, Sheryl !
This post is amazing to hear even though I am not engaged. I have been in a relationship with my wonderful boyfriend for 4 years now and we are both in college. We are currently in a long distance relationship and it is really hard to not be able to see each other as much as we would like. One morning after I spent a long weekend with him I woke and all I could think was “I have to break up with him” there was no reason behind any of this and it scared me so much I couldn’t eat, or sleep, or pay attention in class. We have been through a lot in our relationship but all of it has been on the outside and not problems with our relationship. I had a rough start to college and ended up dropping out and coming home. Upon returning home my step grandmother passed away from cancer. During this time my uncle fell very sick and remained in ICU for 1 month until he passed away as well. Also, during all of this time my other grandmother who I was very very close to and did everything for slowly began to die of old age and dementia. Through all of this my boyfriend was so supportive and caring and there for not just me but my whole family. After returning to school close to semester break my boyfriend’s grandmother passed away and this was very hard for him because she was like a mother to him. I had grown close to her as well and this was such a hard time for his whole family. She was a woman I would only aspire to be. After typing all of this I am beginning to see clear and not fear again and that is relieving. I know I never grieved as I should through all of this and I pent up a lot of emotions I should have let out. I realize I am so fearful of losing the one person in my life who has been there through it all. I can right now feel how lucky and blessed I am to have found a man who is so supportive and caring and shares all the same values. He is everything I have ever wanted and more and having this anxiety for the past month and a half has killed me inside. I have pulled away from everyone who loves me and I know now that is not fair. Upon returning home for summer break I also found out my dog who we had had since I was very little passed away and I had not even got to see him. I know now I have to grieve in the right times and not let it affect everything else I have going good in my life. My boyfriend has been through hell and back witnessing and supporting me through this whole situation. I just want to thank you and whoever wrote this blog because it gave me hope I will be able to be happy and not have fear guiding me in life and in my relationship. I haven’t felt like myself through out this entire thing and when I have those dialogues in my head and I am talking to God is telling me this has nothing to do with my relationship and everything to do with taking care of myself. It tells me everything will be okay and things will be happy again and my relationship will make it. My fear voice is just so strong.
Caitlin- I feel that your post resonated with me! I have been in a wonderful and beautiful relationship with my boyfriend for six years and I have had the same anxiety as you! I just graduated from college so I feel that it’s nice to see someone that is young like me! Let me know if you ever want to talk about this- or even just supporting each other is so wonderful as well! Email: email@example.com <3
This e-course has been such an incredible gift and it is well worth the money. Not only did it help ease my intense anxiety about getting married, it also has been a profund learning experience in the art of just being human. I am so much more compassionate toward myself and my fiancé after having completed this. And I’m so excited to be getting married again. Every lesson, article, interview, etc. was applicable and helpful. This is a course that can change the course if your life and be the catalyst for growth in many areas. I now have such a much healthier relationship with fear, and I know this is just the beginning. I’m so grateful that my engagement anxiety led me to Sheryl’s work for so many reasons, and particularly because my engagement experience and my outlook on life are so much better as a result. Thank you so much Sheryl!
Thank you, Caitlin. Your gratitude shines through and touches my heart. I’m so glad you’ve found your way here as well and I look forward to hearing about your wedding!
So I have been reading through this site and a lot of light bulbs have gone off! I’m considering purchasing this eCourse but I’m not engaged yet, so some of the marriage exercises/lessons will not be beneficial. Is it still worth it even though I’m not engaged? Ive just arrived at the “do you really love him” torrment point of my relationship.
Thanks for the advice!
Erin: About half the members of the e-course aren’t engaged yet, so the answer is YES, it’s extremely beneficial if you’re not engaged and at any stage of a relationship.
I am SO GLAD I finally signed up for the e-course. I had been reading Sheryl’s blog posts for a few weeks before signing up, but was on the fence. The anxiety persisted, so I gave it a shot. I can’t believe how much I’ve learned about myself (and love!) in the two weeks since starting the course. It’s been a real blessing, and I can’t believe I’m saying this… but I’m actually grateful for the anxiety. I truly thought that it meant I had to leave my amazing boyfriend (I’m not engaged yet), and I am only now discovering that it’s actually a sign that I have a whole schwack of false beliefs buried inside me that need to be addressed. And I’m more than happy to do the work, even if I’m unsure of what things will look like on the other side of the work. At least I will learn more about myself!
Two weeks ago I thought I was the only woman on the planet who was feeling the things I was feeling – and I thought they meant impending doom for my relationship. Thank you, Sheryl, for setting the course up in such a comprehensive way, and for guiding me to learn more about myself as a woman and as a girlfriend. It’s been a blessing.
Is the price per couple or for each individual?
This course isn’t actually for couples, Vincent; it’s for the person in the relationship that may be struggling with relationship anxiety. If you’re looking for a couples’ course, you may want to consider my Premarital Course, which you can learn more about here:
I am not sure if I am a good candidate for this… I have a huuuuuuge anxiety but the problem is that unlike most of the girls here I feel really relieved when I think of breaking up. Maybe I am one of those who really are not in a “right” relationship and it’s not worth fighting for? I keep thinking and “planning” what my life would be without him…
I am just so tired of this bad feeling that I cannot go on any more and prefer to quit…
Most people who are suffering from relationship anxiety feel relieved when they think about breaking up. That’s the surest sign that your wounded self is in the driver’s seat and trying to convince you to leave.
Been trying to find information on such a similar situation. Would you say that many men have experienced the same? Benefited from your course? I’ve been dating my girlfriend for the past 8 months and she is the most amazing girl. I had no doubt I loved her. I had even planned on getting engaged very soon…. I don’t make decisions lightly either. I was head over heals for her until the anxiety hit me about a month ago and now it has me doubting whether to continue or not with the relationship. She has not changed anything about herself. I long to go back to the confidence I had with myself and the direction the relationship was going in. It has created moments of complete inner turmoil within me. I know I will never find a girl like this again. Any direction you might have is great! Thanks.
Yes, I’ve had dozens of men go through the course and have benefitted enormously. If you sign up for the free sampler you can read an interview with “Leo”, a man who was transformed by the course.
30days to my wedding, but I am really scared. My mind is really telling me that I did not love my fiancé, we have been dating for six years, but from the time of our engagement till now, I have not really have peace of mind, I cant work well and stay focus.
Every girl I see around the street now looks prettier than her, and my mind always thinks negative things about her, like she is not as pretty as she should be, I can’t figure out the cause of this feeling.
The worst thing is that I don’t have a good reason to explain these feelings because she is really a very nice girl who can make a good wife to any man and she loves me so much and shows it.
Friends and family always tell me that I am lucky to have her but they don’t know what I am passing through.
As the wedding gets close, I am getting more scared of living a single life and getting committed to just her. I am 33 years now and I am OK financially, but this is the worst feeling I have experienced throughout my life. You think I can get over this and be happy after our wedding?
You can get through this but not without the proper information, tools, and support.
Hello Sheryl, i am just curious, is the ecourse applicable for someone who is just dating, not on marrying stage, not yet engage?
Hi. Ive just registered for your ecourse so fingers crossed for me. Ive always suffered with anxiety but def more around my relationships so I hope this helps
I’m glad you took the leap. Let me know how you’re doing as you progress through the course.
I would like to tell all of you that if you are suffering from relationship anxiety and there is no problem with your significant other then fight for it no matter what. I have experience this relationship anxiety because there are times (almost always) that i am nervous why i am continuing this relationship, i always feel like we need to split, but of course my mind doesnt want to but my feelings does, we always have short breakups with my gf then together back again. But now she feel tired and doesn’t want to be together again, of course she doesn’t know my situation although i try to explain it before. I always have this negative feeling in my chest (i mean literally physical annoyance in my chest). But now, we are not together, i have this heavy, choking feeling in my chest, now i know i love her, but she is gone. So my advice to everyone, don’t take things for granted, you will never know the importance of the person, especially if there is no problem with your significant other. I am the same Emmanuel who post last October 21. Maybe my gf is right that my ego have gone up (sorry if my grammar is wrong) and always thinking that the grass is greener than the other side. We are not yet married, gf bf relationship only and we have a good relationship for 7 mo then my infatuation ended then from 8 up to 11.5 mo are the times when are relationship went hell. I have no regrets in our breakup during that time, maybe because the break up is not OFFICIAL, but now it is all over. I am telling everyone that always give time and put effort to show you care, show them you care and make them feel secure, which i cannot show because of this relationship anxiety, do not escape from your FEAR, learn to eliminate the cause of it and you will live a healthy life. By the way before i knew the meaning of infatuation and everything else, because of my gf’s change on her physical appearance i started this anxiety thing, but after a few googling i saw this site then i know that my infatuation ended. That is where the hell begins. My lack of self love and appreciation makes me want to make my gf to be prettier, instead of making myself look good and feel good to my gf. Also laziness is opposite of love, i can tell you that, always show your appreciation before it is too late. To everyone, love your significant other even though they change physically, even if that infatuation is gone. Imagine life with out your partner, although i assure you you cant imagine it right now because of the fear wanting you to escape from the relationship, but please, dont lose to fear. My advice is do loving things for yourself, to your partner and to others. The love that God want you to do, to learn, not the love because of you emotion.
Also i would like to tell you, fear from relationship anxiety is tolerable compared to losing your best friend, your lover. I can guarantee you that. The pain is SO MUCH WORST!!!
First off, let me say that your site is a total BLESSING to me right now. This is going to be long so please bear with me. I’ve been married 2 and a half years with my amazing man and with him in total for about 6. I first met him at the age of 5 I’m 22 now (cue the “you were too young for marriage” comments) We did marry at 19, almost 20, but I knew what marriage was. My parents had a horrible relationship (mental and physical abuse) so I always knew what I wanted for myself (and didn’t want) in a man and even at the age of 16, I realized my now husband was the man for me. Our story is a bit different. We got together at the age of 17, we were “best friends” at first, secretly crushing on one another. I got pregnant two months after we began dating. To be honest, I know the odds were against us from the beginning, but we pushed through, dealt with the hardships and grew a love that I never thought possible. I’ve never had anyone just “get” me as much as he does. A couple of months ago, I looked around at our kids, home, and while sitting on the sofa, I felt such comfort, but then, I had this thought that SOMETHING was missing. I dismissed it, but it became persistent. So, I searched the web, big mistake. I’ve thought of EVERYTHING from
“Do I love him the right way, like a WIFE should?”
“He was my best friend before we started dating, maybe I was never “in love”?”
“Am I still attracted to him?”
“What if I should have dated other people? EVERYONE says that’s what I should have done.”
“Are we growing apart?” In different directions?”
“What if we end up divorced, like every other couple in the world now a days?”
“Do we connect?”
“What is marriage supposed to FEEL like”
“What if he finds someone better than me?”
“My parents ended in divorce and statistics say I will too, maybe I should just end it now and deal with the pain.”
I hop from one thought to another. I search the internet for hours. I feel as though I am disconnecting because of my anxiety, I don’t find joy in anything anymore. It’s odd, just when I feel happiest and calm, something in me clicks and reminds me of my previous anxiety- “if you TRULY loved him, you wouldn’t have been questioning anything.” It’s a vicious cycle. I fall asleep fine and then when the morning comes, I’m back at it. I love my husband, he’s my best friend, no “red flags”. It’s like I’ve started to believe what society has been saying, “you were too young for marriage, you should have found yourself first, ect” Anyone I talk to mentions that. But why would I want to leave a stable, loving relationship with a wonderful man because I’m being told that it’s not normal? I’m HAPPY with my life! I just can’t leave. My only option is to learn to fight through this and get help because I refuse to leave the man of my dreams. It’s like my heart is telling me to stay but my brain and thoughts say to just leave. Which course would I benefit from the most? I’ve spoken to him about this and of course, he’s 100% supportive in getting me help. He even mentioned how he feels this is just my anxiety (I’ve always been a worrier) getting the better of me. Please help, I just want to be happy in my marriage again and life in general.
You’re in the right place, Amber, and the Conscious Weddings E-Course would help you immensely. I created the course several years ago for women in the wedding transition, but it quickly became clear that the material applies to ANYONE struggling with relationship anxiety. Take the leap and give yourself this gift!
What if i feel relieved when we broke up and then i feel nervous, scared when we are together, is that anxiety?
Hi Sheryl. After reading everyone’s comments on your website, I realize I am not alone. Just in the past few days I have had overwhelming anxiety about whether or not I am still in love with my boyfriend of three years. Before this all happened, we have discussed marriage and even having children together and it was all so great until we started getting pressured by everyone else. Then I really started to think, “am I making the right decision” or “Do i really want to spend the rest of my life with this person”. My thoughts drive me crazy and almost make me think that they are real. The thought of hurting my boyfriend eats me alive and if we ever did break up, seeing him with another girl would break my heart. Heck, the thought of that breaks my heart! I cry all of the time and the thought of losing something so great that we have because of these terrible thoughts going through my head. I hate myself for putting him and myself through it. It happened before back when we were in college, I had a similar breakdown and I got through it I just can’t remember how. I keep thinking to myself, “Is he the one? do I still love him enough to marry him?”. All of these thoughts racing through my head have started to make me believe that I don’t still have that “in-love” feeling anymore and it really tears me up inside. I unfortunately do not have the money for your E-course, but hearing everyone’s comments about his/her situation has really helped. Thank you to anyone who took the time to read it.
I’ve just stumbled across this site and I’m really hoping this will help me out! I’ve always been an anxious person, and strongly believe in long-term relationships. I experienced relationship anxiety in my previous relationship – it actually resulted in our break up (however, I don’t really regret this, because there was a part of me that always knew we wouldn’t stay together, and, in my opinion, the anxiety was just a sign that I should stop trying to deceiving myself). I’ve only been with my current boyfriend for a month, but we were close friends before that. Unfortunately, I’ve already started freaking out since I’m not experiencing a ‘honeymoon phase’ and I keep questioning whether he’s the right guy for me and whether like in my previous relationship, the anxiety is a sign that he’s not ‘the one’. I’m terrified for hurting him as I’ve already hurt him once before by rejecting him when I wasn’t ready to commence a new relationship. I want more than anything to make it work with this wonderful, loving guy and hope Sheryl’s work will help with this! It’s already a relief to read about people having the same fears and inspiring to know that they’ve overcome them to go on and engage in strong, loving relationships
I have been with my boyfriend for over two years and have been struggling with anxiety since the beginning and don’t always feel as deeply for my boyfriend as I want to or think I should. But he is the most amazing guy I’ve ever met and when I do have deep feelings for him, even though it’s only occassionally, they are the best feelings in the world. Would this e course be good for me?
It would likely benefit you enormously, Kristen.
My story is like many of those listed above. Huge family issues and anxiety problems. I started dating my now long-distance boyfriend almost a year ago and five months in I woke up and wanted to run. I drove myself into a complete mess. Forced myself into the hospital for exhaustion and to a therapist because I couldn’t stop the thoughts and self-doubts of my relationship. Not knowing what to do, and seeking a relief I broke up with him in November. I had no reason to break up with him, no red flags from him, only my own thoughts and actions. Not only did I find relief, but I also spiraled into a deep depression. Talking to ex’s that treated me awful in my past, to thoughts of suicide and deep intrusive thoughts. A month later he kept reaching out and I finally saw that threw this intense life change that he would be there for me. I could not ask for a better man in my life, he has been a saving grace. I worry though about how I am when I am with him. We spent two weeks together. When we are together I have panic attacks and anxiety attacks from the doubts, they ruminate and they make me feel so down. Sometimes I feel like just giving into them and ending it, but that wouldn’t solve anything. He never gives me any reason to break up, it’s all in my mind. It’s like I am seeking some relief or a solution for a problem. We had a brief moment in the two weeks where we thought that breaking up might be the best thing, and I felt so relieved at that moment. But then we had the happiest day that we have had in along time and I just thought “why would I ever want to give up on this”. For once in my life, I don’t have to fight for love. It’s right here, and I don’t want to lose it. Is this the right course for me?
I don’t ever stop and write on message boards, but I am in the throws of relationship anxiety and so happy to have come across your site.
My boyfriend & I have been dating for a year and half and since after Christmas, I have had crippling relationship anxiety to the point that I told him I need to take a break to work through some stuff. He’s loving and patient and understands, but I know he is hurt.
What I don’t know is if there are red flags about our relationship and we aren’t compatible, or I am purposely trying to sabotage my relationship to relieve myself of this constant relationship anxiety and am I just scared?
He says he isn’t ready to make a commitment to me (move in together, engagement, marriage) because there are some things that I need to work on in order for us to make those steps (financially, physically – but I understand this). He isn’t sure if he wants children (and I know I do), and with 5 years apart in age, and he is a lot more low key, logical, and doesn’t seem to be as up for adventures, travel, and risk taking that I still feel is a part of me right now.
Are we incompatible or am I just being anxious and scared to move forward and continue on the way we have been going? I had bouts of this in month 5, at a year, and now at a year & a half – but it passed but was the thoughts of “We aren’t right together – I need to break up with him – He is going to break up with me” were still in the back of my mind. I love him so much and he is my best friend – the thought of him not in my life makes me so sad, but I think I am at a crossroads and need to figure things out.
I’m also worried this will happen to every relationship I am in and will that just cause me to be alone forever?
This is just a really sucky place to be. Thanks for all your kind words.
As a natural worrier I’m also a natural pessimist! I have immensely enjoyed reading through this website and am filled with a sense of hope about the e-course. All of the reviews look very positive and I was wondering what (if any) points of criticism you have noted in the past. Feel free to drop me a private message on this topic if you feel more comfortable. Thanks in advance.
Your comment made me smile, Craig : ). I honestly don’t hear a lot (if any) criticism of the course. Occasionally someone will purchase the course and then realize it’s not right for them, but that’s always a bit confusing to me since I describe EXACTLY what the course offers and what is contained in each lesson! If you think it’s a fit for you then it most likely is, and I encourage you to take the leap, put your pessimism aside, and give yourself the gift of this work.
I honestly cannot tell you enough how thankful I am that I found your website before I got engaged. I am so thankful I stayed with my now husband and reconstructed my thoughts and beliefs about love. You and your site have been the biggest blessing in my life and I owe it all to you. Thank you, from the bottom of my heart, for encouraging me to stick with it and do the work. I am now married to the man of my dreams and couldn’t imagine my life without him. And, hey, sometimes I even get the butterflies:)
I just purchased the e-course. I haven’t started yet, but I’ve been reading through many of your articles and posts, and already they’ve helped me greatly. I am wondering if you recommend talking to one’s partner (in my case, my future husband) about the anxiety, thoughts and feelings that a person is having? Maybe I’m jumping ahead and the e-course covers this, but my anxiety has been overwhelmingly crushing and I feel I need to express it before I have the time and opportunity to go over all of the material. My husband-to-be is fairly communicative; however, as it’s not the nicest topic, I don’t know if bringing it up will cause unnecessary friction and maybe I should just work through these thoughts and anxiety myself. Thank you in advance for your insight. MC
It really depends on how receptive you think your partner will be to this information and what you’re going through. I would estimate that about 60-70% of the people who go through the course share everything with their partner and feel immense relief once they do so. The others sense that their partner would be too hurt and take the anxiety personally so choose not share. Either way is fine; it’s whatever feels most loving for you and your relationship. Welcome to the course!
I am going through engagement anxiety. During the past months I have put myself in the microscope and have found out by myself the root of my fears and “not enought” feelings. I come from a family of worriers and a little pessimist members, always predicting that thins will go wrong someway, giving warnings all the time and of course I grew up with those mental patterns. Now that my 10 years relationship is facing the engagement phase I feel like it would just not work out. My bf and I met when I was 16, he was 18. I can say that for 8 years we were the most amazing, loving, fun, committed, caring little couple. However I decided to end the relationship by the end of that year because although he is the most loyal, committed, sweet, loving, caring, trustworthy person he was getting behing professionally, regardless of a lack of maturity or responsibility he was dealing with serious economic crisis with is family to the point that he had to drop off school to focus on their economic struggle (he has a single mother). So for years I understood his situation but ended up very frustrated anyway and I walked away. 10 months later I came back and I found him possitively changed and as available as before with me. So we decided to try again. To my surprise, even when I was the one who asked him back, I have been the insecure-anxious partner, we are supposed to get married in a few months and I am so scared and sad because I am only thinking in the possible negative outcomes. I am blessed to be able to reveal this fears to him and he gently takes them and makes them go away…for a while, then I start all over with the same old song, now I am not even feeling physically attracted to him anymore, it’s terrible! I am aware that in a long term relationship we are not supposed to rely on looks or income but on the endurable qualities that will allow a couple to deal with any challenge. Nevertheless I have this feeling of complete disconnection from him and I am no longer sure if we should “keep dreaming”. What I am trying to say is that I am aware of my anxiety involving the loss of my confort zone at home, my worry tendency, the thoughs of our goals getting frustrated in the past but now I feel I have gone deeper with my disconnection because even when I am aware of this I still cannot reconnect. I am wondering if your e-course is really for me.
I came across your website after searching and searching for answers as to why I have been feeling so anxious, scared, and doubtful. I got engaged in November and I have been dating my partner for almost a year and a half. I have been struggling with this fear, anxiety, and panic since July when we almost broke-up. I have questions pop into my head like: “What if he isn’t the right one?” “What if I would be more compatible with someone else?” or “What if I can’t be happy with him?” I love him so much and he is so dear to me. He is my best friend and has been with me through thick and thin. I hate having these fears and anxieties about someone and something that is so dear to me. Instead of feeling on top of the world, or very excited for my wedding day I feel fear and sadness. It is very scary and I need help. I have been debating on whether or not to buy the e-course because I really don’t have that much money (College student) but I really think it could help. Any suggestions?
If you can’t afford the course I suggest you read through every article on my site. You’ll learn a LOT.
Hi Sheryl,I. Having a hard time deciding if this Ecourse is for me. I know you say a lot of people feel their case is the worst & different. Also someone said they do the 4 month installment fee of $75, do you still offer that or is it just the $137. Please le me know! Thank you by the way, I’m so glad I found my way to your site. Despite the trouble I’m having, your blogs are amazing. They bring me so much comfort. You are truely a Godsend! Thank you
If you found your way here it’s highly likely the ecourse is for you, but you can always sign up for the free sampler to make sure. I no longer offer the four-payment option.
Dear Sheryl: I purchased the e-course because I felt I really needed it to deal with my anxiety. Turns out my instincts were right (I have only gone through a little bit of Lesson 1 so far, but am already a lot more confident that my anxiety will be manageable). Thanks so much for your gift of “serenity” to others!!
I’m so glad it’s been helpful so far!
hey Sheryl can you please put me in the list for this course? I’d like to join it. Thanks.
Hi Sheryl, I’ve been reading your blog for months now. I love my boyfriend completely and we’ve been dating for five years. We’re long distance, he’s in the military. When I had an outbreak of anxiety caused by my birthcontrol, it spiked a downward spiral of relationship anxiety. I love him, we’re compatible in every way, and have never had a problem. I get so afraid because my panic causes this severe dread, when I picture my life with him, who I love so much and always have wanted a future with, all I feel is dread. Him being in the military means my life will change drastically if we get married, and so I panic that that is the root of my fears and that’ll mean we won’t be compatible and no matter what I do, if I’m scared of my life changing, then we’re doomed. I think my fear of feeling like this forever is what is causing so much dread, but if I dread it, I don’t know how I can possible fix it and keep going. I’m a broke college student and I want to get involved in the course, but it’s a huge chunk of money if my fears are legitimate and if dreading this is should be a warning sign.
Hi Katie: Based on what you’ve shared, the course would be an ideal match for you as it sounds like your dread is originating from your fear, not as a warning sign. When you learn to deal with the fear, the dread will abate.
Hi sheryl, I’ve been wanting to purchase the e-course for ages but didn’t know if it was right for me, I’ve only been dating my boyfriend for 6 months, I know that’s such a short time and I’m already experiencing this constant doubt feeling that I don’t love him enough or at all or if we’re ever going to work etc. what I don’t understand is where this all come from?? I have the best most caring, loving boyfriend who would do anything for me! My family absolutely adore him and he’s like part of the family, he’s done nothing wrong to make me feel this way at all:(. I have always my whole life suffered from anixety. I know that all I want to do is be happy with my boyfriend but it feels like something inside is stopping me. I constantly have this gut feeling all the time. My mind keeps telling me to leave but we’ve had the most amazing memories together and I care for him, I just don’t want to let him go:( do you think the e-course would benefit me? My worst fear is that this is real doubts and that I’m actually falling out of love but I have no reason to!!
“do you think the e-course would benefit me?”
Based on what you shared, without a doubt.
I’m engaged and I have been anxious for a MONTH and it feels like it came out of nowhere. I love my fiancé and his family so very much…but I have been through a divorce in the past 2 years and I guess I just don’t know what I’m scared of getting into a new marriage. …it’s funny (but not in a haha way) that I never felt doubt before in our relationship. But the anxiety and depression is crippling me now!!! Why now?? I feel guilty and awful for feeling this way especially since our wedding is only 40 days away. I just don’t feel that my fiancé deserves this anxiety I’m going through. I want to be able to love him wholly and be a whole person again. I thought I was fine before until the anxiety struck and now I don’t know. I want to take your ecourses but I guess i am afraid of them too. Why can’t my brain just stop going in circles? Sheryl I just want to be put out of my misery and get these thoughts lifted off of me – will your ecourses help even me? Please pray for me. I am praying about these ecourses. Thank you.
The course was designed to address exactly what you’re struggling with. I encourage you to take the leap and give yourself the gift of accurate information, effective tools, exercises, and support.
Hi Sheryl ,
I’m thinking of taking the course but I wonder if it is right for me.
My anxiety began on New Year’s , my boyfriend was excited and a bit drunked, he looked me in the eye , he looked so happy and told me that “someday I really want to marry you ”
I have had anxiety before in our relationship but after that it feels like I have to end it , as I have known it all along without really admitting it to myself . I wonder if I really love him and if I ever loved him, I wonder if he’s the one, I wonder where I would be and what I would do without him.
Despite all this , I can’t break up with him , I feel that I love him but it also feels like something is missing.
I’m also afraid of meeting new people because I’m afraid of falling in love with someone else.
It feels like I HAVE to break up with him but I don’t want to.
Do you think the course will help me?
Hey Sheryl! I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 2 months now. Very little time right? But everything about him makes me realize he’s the man I was waiting for. My last heartbreak was the love of my life. And picturing myself with my now current boyfriend has been diffucult. I still have feelings for my past love. And I think they are interfering. My anxiety feelings began 2 weeks ago when my current boyfriend mentioned getting married within a year. At first I was happy but then I came home and I began doubting. Sometimes I feel like im falling in love with him then it goes away and the fear and anxiety take iver that I spend time in my room and cry. I write in my journal but that only helps so much. I love my boyfriend. He’s amazing and I dont want to lose him for a stupid mistake of anxiety. I want him because he showed me what true love really is. Im tired of going after unavailable men. He is everything I asked for in a man. I guess im anxious because I want to love him already. I want to build a future with him. I love him. The anxiety has gotten really bad. Please help me.
After a pretty traumatic split from my long term partner, I then spent 3 years on my own, trying to put my life back together. For the last 18 months I have been with an amazing man. Hes kind caring considerate loving funny hardworking. The list goes on. My children love him, my family and friends love him. People say this is the happiest theyve seen me but I feel like im duping them. He is what you would call a “catch” and i know somewhere inside I love him and want to be with him. I have always been an anxious person, right from childhood (im 35 now) I have suffered from anxious thoughts etc from about 4 months into our relationship but with therapy i have been dealing with it. A month ago my boyfriend proposed. I should be so very happy but I am a state. Ive convinced myself I dont love him, I dont want to marry him and i want to call the wedding off. I feel like maybe I never loved him. That i should let him go so he can find someone better, who wouldnt bring all this confusion to the table. I just feel incredibly muddled and confused. I dont know if this is relationship anxiety, if I can get over this or whether this is the realisation that the relationship has come to an end. I hate the thought of being without him but I cant continue with these thoughts and feelings. it is neither fair on him or I. Any advice anyone can offer would be great. If the ecourse really could help me, I would be happy to purchase it.
Welcome to my site, Anne. I see that you purchased the course and want to reassure you that you’re in the right place. May the healing work begin!
After 2.5 years of dating, I am engaged to be married in November to a man who is as you seem to describe concerning many of the other posters; kind, caring, honest, considerate generous etc. I know I love him, however, I have been feeling very doubtful and anxious about getting married. I wasn’t sure about a relationship with him in the early days because ‘it seemed to good to be true’ and I didn’t feel that we connected that much because he’s a quiet person and very ‘straightforward. He is exactly as he seems, just wonderful. He’s not ‘deep’ in the way that I like but he has all the other qualities I look for in a partner and we share common goals and values, even though he’s not a devout believer and but after a couple of months of spending time together, including meeting his family who are lovely, I decided to give it a go. We’ve never argued, which I used to find odd (I know!)but I would describe our relationship as loving, caring, mature and steady.
I think I had relationship anxiety with my ex, who I loved so very much and was my first love and thought was the man that God had for me as a husband. I was 100% certain about this at the time so now, I look back and think I was either wrong about that or he was but I just messed it up because of my anxiety around my feelings for him. (Contradictory against my beliefs). I was sure I had moved on from my ex but since getting engaged, I don’t understand why I find myself thinking back to the three plus years its been since we were together. It doesn’t make sense. I didn’t regret ending the relationship so why am I thinking about the failure of it so much? By the way, this is very contradictory against my beliefs as I am a very spiritual Christian which again, I’m struggling with because I seek God’s will on most things, even if I am sure and definitely with big things! I was sure at the time that ending the relationship was the right thing to do. I am having lots and lots of intrusive thoughts around this such as ‘why couldn’t I make the relationship work? Why did I feel like that when he was so good? If I got this relationship wrong, how do I know I won’t do the same thing this time? You won’t love anyone like him because he was The One and you messed it up’.
I am committed to my partner, have never known anyone like him (except my grandad who was a great man)but I need help to move forward. I’m considering the course albeit I’m a little sceptical. I want to marry my partner but I’m not sure if this is the right course.
If you join the course you will meet hundreds of other women and men who share your exact story. You’re in the right place.
Hi Sheryl. I’m feeling very anxious but I don’t know if this is the program I need? I have been married for 3 months and these I don’t know if I love my husband hit me and I started to freak out! This happened to me a couple months after we got engaged. I registered for your wedding e-course but didn’t complete it due to financial issues. I am willing to sign up for whatever I need because these feelings came back because of a trigger of what happened before we got engaged. Let me know what I should do? Thank you!
Hey Sheryl. I’m here because I’m not sure if this program applies to me…I’ve been with my boyfriend for 2 years – 1 year online and the other living together abroad and we decided to get married a few months ago. Now we’re doing long distance and it’s been so hard on us both (me in particular because I’ve felt very needy and neglected) and I’ve looked back on our time together and I’ve spiraled down into huge anxiety. I’m confused because we didn’t have a ‘honeymoon phase’ when we met in person. It took us a while to get used to each other. I had some anxiety during the first few months of living together that I was able to control because it didn’t make sense since we’d only been together physically for a short time and nothing had gone wrong. I can’t say we were ‘blissfully happy’ or that our relationship was/is perfect. We’re having issues with immigration and getting a visa for him which has been so difficult for us both. It’s put a real strain on the relationship. I feel like during our year together we built trust and love but that we didn’t communicate/connect as much as I would have liked and that we could have been more affectionate with each other. So these doubts have led me to question if we’re compatible and it’s awful because we both really want our relationship to work. I would love nothing more than to build a beautiful, loving and close relationship with him and the anxiety is triggered when I look back at everything we lacked when we were living together and when we talk I feel like we could be saying more or connecting more in a loving way and it upsets me so much. It makes me think ‘he’s not right for you’ or ‘this is the wrong relationship’ and ‘you just don’t connect’ and the anxiety is awful. It sucks because I know there are lots of factors like we are both shy, had not lived with a partner before and I’m his first relationship. Relationship anxiety has ruined my last 2 serious relationships and I don’t want it to ruin this one…do you think the course applies to my situation? CAN we have a beautiful relationship? I don’t want to walk away
A few things I wanted to mention – my boyfriend is very independent and I’m not. I have major self-esteem issues and can honestly say I’m not good to myself. Which may be why I am constantly anxious when I feel that he doesn’t give me enough attention. I crave his attention all the time and if I feel like I’m not getting it I just get negative thoughts and lots of anxiety. I think the inner bonding might be for me.
I’ve been tempted to join the ecourse since I have been suffering from what I am certain of is relationship anxiety, for about 3 weeks after me and my partner were talking about getting engaged after being togther for nearly a year.
It just felt like it came on overnight and I woke up to emotional numbness like all the love had been stolen from me. I have spoken to my partner and when asked do I love her I just don’t know but the thought of not being with her brings tears to my eyes and I kmow I want to spend the rest of my life with her.
I just feel like the anxiety is turning me into a different person and the guilt I feel from the fears and thoughts are driving me mad! I just wish my love didn’t feel so ‘numbed’ almost like they’re being blocked off waiting to come out!
I’ve been with my fiancée (engaged July 5th this year) for a year and a half almost, when we first got together we clicked instantly and I knew that he was THE ONE. We are pretty much inseparable and share similar hobbies e.g. going to the theatre, walking, visiting old historian places together etc… he is my best friend and I cant imagine my life without him and I remember at one point being over the moon about getting engaged, having a family, growing old with him. But now I just have doubts that all the things I dreamed of with him will happen. About 7 months into our relationship out of no where I started having doubts that he cheated on me when he went on a lads holiday and thought to myself ‘would I still love him if he cheated on me’ then from there thoughts like ‘I don’t love him anymore/am I falling out of love with him? ‘if I was with someone else would I be happier?’ ‘Do I even want a future with him anymore’ and so many more. I have suffered with bad anxiety all my life and been depressed then when I met my current partner it all went away but it was only a matter of time before it all came back… my questions for your Sheryl are- whats the difference between not loving your partner anymore and having relationship anxiety towards your partner? are your thoughts and feelings the same? because my mom and dad split up because my mom didn’t love him anymore she told me that she couldn’t stand being near him, didn’t feel happy with him, didn’t like any affections from him like a cuddle/kiss etc… didn’t enjoy his company. and it scared me then because sometimes I don’t feel happy with my boyfriend even though I know really its the anxiety and sometimes when we cuddle or kiss I don’t feel a thing just anxiety which makes me question everything really. But my dad is an alcoholic and my parents were always arguing so maybe my anxiety comes from there? also whenever I meet another lad say at work or at college etc.. I always feel like im attracted to them and want to be with them instead of my boyfriend which upsets me. I know I love my boyfriend but I just want to know if these feelings are normal
I’m interested in how you are getting on now
I am really interested in purchasing this course because I have been feeling the exact way everyone else has been feeling with my boyfriend I have been dating for 2 and half years and love him a lot, but i’m just really scared.
One questions is will this help me over come my fear that I could possibly meet someone else while I am in long distance. I guess that really goes in with my fear of if he is the one or not. I have been struggling with this anxiety for months now and I have talked with him and we have overcome a lot but it still sits in the back on my mind and comes back stronger sometimes. I really love him, I just want this to be more manageable.
Yes, it will address the fear of meeting someone else, which is really just another strand of the core set of fears around loss!
The pattern in my life goes like this.
Fall in love – Wonder if I am not attracted enough – Feel anxiety – Anxiety forces me to leave my partner even though that is what I fear the most ( Hurting them. )
Its got to the point where now before a relationship has even started, I feel anxiety from noticing the physical imperfections of my potential partner. (Before i have even got to know their personality). This makes me feel like a bad person.
Your course looks wonderful. But my wedding day seems a lifetime away. And I’m not a woman. So I have to ask, am I in the wrong website?
Thanks so much for your time.
Without a doubt, the e-course would be helpful to you. It’s the best course of action anyone struggling with relationship anxiety can take, whether dating, engaged, or married. While I initially created the course for engaged women, about half the people taking the course right now are either married, not yet engaged, or men! It’s clear that relationship anxiety crosses all boundaries and is not specific to the period before marriage. The course will teach you the tools you need to address your anxiety in any situation and will serve you for the rest of your life.
Mrs. Paul, one of my biggest struggles is knowing that even though I have had these doubts we can still be happy and have a happy life together.
How do you suggest I overcome that? Also, would this course address that idea?
Yes, having doubts doesn’t preclude having a happy life together. In fact, I would argue that having doubts is the doorway that invites you to learn tools and belief systems that will more likely ensure a happy life together. Doubt is the doorway to growth, if you accept the invitation. And yes, the course will address all of this.
I felt an automatic sense of relief after discovering your website one night. I believe I fit the “criteria” for relationship anxiety but of course my anxiety is telling me it’s not relationship anxiety it’s just that you and W aren’t “meant to be together”. I love this man with all my heart so to have these negative thoughts about him breaks every piece of me apart. I always knew that he was something special and was put in my life for a reason and that I’d be with him for a very long time. But recently, I’ve been asked(since we’ve been together for 3 years) when we are going to get married. I’ve also had people put doubts into my head. “Oh you’re too young to settle down” “what are you going to do with the dog WHEN you guys break up” etc. Before these people approached, I never once thought of losing him. ever. Once I thought about it, I became overwhelmed with negative thoughts about him. Overtime it became a routine for me to think negatively about us. Wed have a disagreement. I’d cry because I was scared of losing him. He wasn’t talkative one day. I cried because I thought I did something wrong. He didn’t kiss or hug me when I wanted him to. I cried because I thought he didn’t care. Etc. I immediately think negatively. I guess what I’m trying to ask is, do you think this is relationship anxiety or am I just falling out of love with the man of my dreams?… I’m so scared of the unknown sheryl. I never used to think this way about us. He’s such a loving and supportive man. Sometimes I just want to leave because I’m such a doom and gloom and i feel as though he deserves better than THIS. I told him that and he told me to not think that way. Idk what to do..
YES it’s classic relationship anxiety!
Hi Sheryl. I’m from SA and suffer from generalised anxiety and on medication for it. Main problem is I mainly get anxious in any relationships as I over analyse my feelings and can’t just enjoy the ride. I’ve been with an amazing man for a year and I can honestly say I have never met a man like him. I’m 31 and know he is a keeper and a gem. He keeps me calm and sometimes it’s so calm I feel like it’s boring. We do everything together, eg gym, cycling, hiking etc…He is honestly my best friend. Sometimes I over analyse my feelings so much I feel like I don’t like him enough and I should run cos it will take all this anxiety away…but when I’m not feeling anxious it’s easier for me to enjoy what I have although I sometimes feel unsure, when I’m not anxious I can deal with it. We have never had that “spark” but it’s a relationship developed from friendship, loyalty trust and utmost respect. I thought I was alone because nobody ever understands what I go through, not even doctors and I get told by friends if I don’t feel it I must leave him. He is gold to me. He told me the other day after a year for the first time that he loved me and that’s when my anxiety spiralled and I over analysed my feelings towards him. The problem is if I leave him for a relationship with a spark, I know in once the spark goes I will suffer like this again. This is all horrible and I don’t wish it upon anyone. When I feel anxious I feel suffocated and don’t want to see or be around him cos I base my anxiety around him. So glad I found out about you Sheryl…you my light at the end of the tunnel. Seeing other people suffering with me makes me that tiny bit stronger. If you could connect me with people around the world that go through the same as me I would appreciate it so much cos as I’ve said…people really don’t understand when I tell them I have relationship anxiety, they think I’m crazy!
I came across your page months ago, then again in July and again today I started dating a wonderful guy last winter, but I felt as if I had to convince myself the whole time that we were “good enough”, I struggled and struggled and in August, I broke things off. Initially I was relieved, but for the past few weeks I’ve been missing him a lot and I’m trying to navigate if I miss a man in my life, or him. I feel as if I made a horrible mistake. But I don’t want to get back together with him if I’m emotionally a wreck and am gonna be up and down. Do you think your course would help me distinguish false expectations from reality for me and my feelings towards him? I feel as if I want him back, but don’t want to drag him down with me on my quest -cause it might be bumpy
Without a doubt the course would be helpful. And as far as you “dragging” your partner down, that’s his responsibility .
First sorry for my bad English, I’ll do my best! My problem is that I can’t know if I really have this trouble! I have already had some troubles like that, but this time I am lost because I feel that maybe it’s the truth! All I want it’s love him, but one day, I started to ask me “If you don’t love him? I you fall in love with somebody else?” and now I feel like I could fall in love again, like I stay with him just because I don’t want to be alone! It makes me crazy! I want answers but I’m afraid to understand that i really don’t love him anymore! Have I this trouble or it is the truth that I juste don’t want to accept?
Hi Sheryl, I’m a man in my 30s and I’ve been with my girlfriend for 3 years, but I have never been sure about her. She is an amazing person and we have everything “on paper” to make a perfect couple (same values and lifestyle, her family is great, etc.), and we have had some great times together, so I can’t explain why I feel like this, but every couple months, I get this horrible feeling of unhappiness (maybe I don’t love her, I am not comfortable with her, I don’t like our dynamic together) and I can’t see any solution other than breaking it off. I’ve tried to break up with her several times, but she is so confused and sad that I lose my resolve and get back with her because I’m afraid of making a mistake. All of this back and forth has really hurt her, and now I feel like our relationship is damaged beyond repair.
I am buying your e-course, but I am not sure how hopeful to be because I still feel like if I’ve had these doubts from the beginning, it must mean that something is really missing in my feelings towards her. Have you worked with other people who have felt doubts on and off the WHOLE TIME they were with someone?
Welcome to my work, Dave. Many, many people who have gone through the course and are currently working through it have struggled with doubt from the beginning. You’re in the right place.
Hi Dave, I find myself in the same exact situation as you. I find myself always questioning myself “do I love her or care for her” because being with my gf for 4 years you start to develop a bond together. People say love is a verb and all my actions shows that I love her but then why I do question myself. I go though periods when things are fine, but once a year I would get a panic/anxiety attack. Some days I am happy were together, other days Like you said I would feel like something is missing. I would get a pit in my gut that something isn’t right which scares me. Since you mentioned that you are trying the eCourse, have you had success with it so far? Because I want to try to work it out but scared to jump back in the relationship if I’m not truly committed. My gf knows I have anxiety and is always so patient with me, but I don’t want to hurt her anymore.
I’m curious if things worked out for you and your girlfriend? Your situation sounds very similar to my situation with my boyfriend, only he is the one who feels like you – very unsure of our future together. I would love to know there is light on the other side, because I feel like there are so many good things in our relationship.
Hi Sheryl, I am very much like Dave above except I have already left my 5 year relationship with a great man. I came across your work online about 3 years ago and it some of the posts helped soothe me at first, but my apprehension/fear/anxiety would always come back even stronger so I never signed up. Plus, I didn’t have the money. He proposed 3 years ago and I just couldn’t move forward. Something is truly blocking me. I’ve always heard that if you don’t have peace about something, then don’t do it. He knows my feelings and has always been patient with me until recently. I told him the feelings aren’t getting better and he says he doesn’t know what else to do, so maybe we need this time apart. Honestly, I feel a little relieved about not feeling the pressure of being in a relationship, but I also feel that I have made one of the biggest mistakes in my life by leaving. I want to go back, but I’m afraid that all the feelings (I don’t really love him, I don’t really like him like that, my feelings aren’t deep enough for him, something is missing in my feelings for him, he can’t be the one if I feel like this) will still be there and it will just be another cycle….Is it too late for me?
It’s not too late if you commit to doing the work.
Do you think this course will really help me? I don’t know if my case is truly relationship anxiety. I mean, just yesterday I was crying my eyes out because it felt like he didn’t want me anymore. From a bit of phone interaction today it feels like maybe he hasn’t given up on me completely. This makes me very glad, but it also makes me feel like “whoa, I’m not ready for this to go back to full blast relationship yet”. Maybe I don’t really want him. Maybe I just want him to want me. Im not even sure if I love him. I feel like a lost cause. I really don’t understand my feelings.
If you’re uncertain please sign up for the free Sampler in the box near the top of this page.
MJ above who says shes in the same situation as Dave above is like what I’m feeling right now. I’m 31 and I’ve been with my gf for 4 years, and throughout our relationship I always questioned if I loved her or not, something was missing, or a connection was not there. We’ll go periods in our relationship where everything is fine, but sometimes out of the blue I’ll get a panic/anxiety attacks and this has caused a serious strain to our relationship. When I purchased the engagement ring a month ago, I told myself, this is it, its time to be a man and take it to the next stage in our relationship even though I was getting a little pressure from her and my family. I told myself its time to commit to her but deep inside my gut I was scared, like a little pit in my stomach full of doubts. A week before I proposed, I felt anxiety and anxious and wasn’t able to focus on anything much, but the ball to propose was already in motion already. When she accepted my proposal on New Years I was super happy but the next morning my anxiety took control of me and this is where she gave me back the ring and said she couldn’t deal with this anymore. Right now, were not together anymore but she is willing to give me a shot. I wan’t to give it a try but I’m scared about my feelings, is it ROCD, do I love her or is it care, if I love her than why am I getting these anxiety, am I ready, will I always feel doubt. What I told her is I needed time to be myself and time to sort my feelings out. I’m currently doing meditation and about to go see a therapist. Do you think the e-Course would help me? Because she is so perfect, and 4 years is a long time to just throw everything away. She has become my best friend and I’m so scared of losing her.
I want to tell anyone that is on the fence about buying this e-course that it is truly a gift. I personally gained so much from working through the e-course as well as learning a ton about myself. I was so nervous going through the new transitions in my life. Getting engaged, planning the wedding, buying a house, finishing school, and starting a career. So many different transitions! By working through the e-course I was able to figure out the root fear I was having and grow as a person. The e-course is for anyone that feels alone, unsure, panicking, and uncomfortable with transition. By working through the e-course I was able to go from a extremely nervous and fear striking bride to a very calm happy and excited one. On my wedding day I was so afraid I would run out of the church or disappoint everyone or do something embarrassing. By using Sheryl’s work I was a calm, excited, glowing bride who had very warm feet. You are doing yourself such big favor by buying the e-course and discovering what your afraid of.
It truly is a gift, and I will always be so grateful for finding this website.
I just completed your 30-day Open Your Heart program, although I am still working through the material, I believe it allowed me to look back to figure out my scripts about love and relationships, which is helping me rewrite those love scripts. I think one the biggest things I need to understand is that my partner can’t make me feel happy, only I can. Just last week, he basically gave me a big clue of when he plans to propose. It spiked anxiety and I think I personally have trouble with commitment (purchasing a car, signing a year long lease, etc).
I thoroughly enjoy reading and I know you have mentioned Recipes for a Perfect Marriage before. Would you suggest this reading material if I am looking to learn what real love/marriage is about? Also, would you suggest I take the Conscious Weddings e-Course before or after we get engaged or is there another course you believe would be more helpful?
I would strongly recommend the Conscious Weddings E-Course as it will build on everything you learned in Open Your Heart, and also provide you with lifelong access to the forum. As far as books, read through this page:
I have been dating my boyfriend for two and a half years and I love him to death. I started to have the same fears everyone is talking about except I just tried to ignore them, because I know there are no red flags. It’s been about 6 months now and I have accepted them, but they still sit there in the back of my mind and sometimes cause me to question things, thinking my love isn’t normal or I’m just convincing myself to stay because I don’t want to lose him. I now question almost EVERY aspect of my relationship with him. Is that normal? Is there a way to stop that?
Pushing the thoughts to the back of your mind works for a while, but eventually they will appear until you deal with the root source (which has nothing to do with your partner). Have you taken the Conscious Weddings E-Course? It would help you enormously.
I have been engaged for two months with three months left until my wedding day. When my fiancé and I got engaged I spent the first week on cloud nine. After that week, I began to have panic attacks almost every morning which made me start to doubt my relationship. I was scared this meant I was making the wrong choice by getting married. At first the anxiety made me want my fiancé around all the time because it was only then that I felt safe. After the anxiety continued for a few weeks it started to effect my feelings for him. While our relationship had never been based on pure “attraction”, I still had a desire to be with him in a physical way. Now that the anxiety had thrown me almost into a depression, I felt like I didn’t want him at all. This, obviously, only made my anxiety worse. Most people say, “If you can’t imagine forever with them, don’t do it”. However, “forever” FREAKS ME OUT! I can hardly imagine anything “forever”. Anyways, there are plenty of more issues but at this point I am terrified of moving forward. Its hard to think of ANYTHING wedding and the “wedding/marriage” is the only thing that gives me anxiety…. nothing else. I’m not sure where to turn or what to do. Is this normal? Am I doing the wrong thing by marrying this man?
All completely normal, Anna, and classic hallmarks of relationship anxiety. I encourage you to join the ecourse as soon as possible so that you can start to work through your anxiety before your wedding.
I wish I could. We are already on a VERY tight budget for the wedding. I don’t have the money for the E-Course. I’m just desperate… Do you have any other suggestions to help me. Books? Anything?
I’ve seen your book mentions, “The Conscious Bride”. Would this be of some help?
I just responded to you privately.
Should I be looking in my email for this?
I’ve been struggling with fears for five months. They have scared me, led to weeks of anxiety and depression, but over the last week I have opened up a lot to my partner about my sadness, however I haven’t told him what fear tells me about him because I am scared of hurting him. Last night I made a promise to stop reading articles and start using the tools to work through this fear. Today, I tried not to assign meaning to my fears, just letting them pop up, and I kept reminding myself that I love him and remembering his great qualities. But as I was leaving work and coming over to my partner’s house tonight I felt a shift in my thoughts. My fears weren’t scaring me anymore, I felt more sad. This made me wonder if I’m really meant to leave him because the thought wasn’t scaring me anymore. Do you believe this is me softening my walls and have you recognized this trend?
Yes, that’s a very common sequence of events: to shift from fear to sadness. And yes it means that you’re softening your walls and connecting to your core sadness, which likely has nothing to do with your partner. If you can stay with the sadness you’ll find your heart opening more and more.
Should I be looking in my email for this?
Hi Sheryl! I, too, like everyone on your website, am experiencing severe relationship anxiety. My finance and I just got engaged, but the anxiety actually started this past summer when we began discussing our future. We have been together for a few years, I am 22 and he is 25 (so still fairly young), but I know he’s the man I will marry! I’m having trouble deciding if I should get the Conscious Weddings E-Course or the PreMarital E-Course. Do you have a suggestion? Definitely needing help here!
The Conscious Weddings E-Course, without a doubt.
I am 27 years old and I have a big issue with relationships, I think the longest I have been in a relationship is 6 months. I always feel something is going or will go wrong and I leave at the first sight of a difficulty.
I have this fear within me that seems to block me or make me shy to express/ show my feelings. Rather than being soft and understanding I usually get very judgemental and negative (whereas deed within I want to do the reverse). When I notice a man who is interested in me, there’s always a million and one reasons my brains produces to convince me he is not good enough for me or i get attracted to those who don’t even notice me.
I also find it very difficult to trust someone with my emotions.
Usually at the end of each relationship I come up with positive resolutions which I think will help me in the next one, yet I have the same results. Will this program actually help such a case?
Without a doubt. Everything you’re describing are classic symptoms of relationship anxiety.
Sheryl, I have been dealing with relationship anxiety for quite some time now and I have been seeing a counselor and I am taking your class on how to have the greatest relationship of your life, but i’m a little confused about one of your “Red flag issues”. It was about misalignment of core values or religion.
My boyfriend and I have been dating for two and a half years and hes an amazing guy. He’s never really been into church. We’ve talked about religion and he believes the same things as me and he used to go to church with his family and at the beginning of college, but he’s kind of lost his way (same as me). But because he doesn’t like church and I do (most of the times) does that mean that we have a misalignment of religion?
I have talked to him about it and he has agreed with me that he wants to raise his kids in church and that he will attend church with me when we are married. Should I be bothered that he doesn’t go now? Like is that a misalignment that will inevitably end our relationship? I have been digging into my anxiety over and over again and I can overcome everything else, but this one thing is still here and I can’t find a solution to it.
What you’re describing is not a red flag at all.
Like many others here, I’ve been reading your blogs for about a year now while struggling with relationship anxiety. I had an amazing boyfriend for 3 years, but we were apart for 2 years while he served in Africa in the Peace Corps and I did my own traveling and volunteer work. Still, over that time, we grew together and the love always remained strong. We met again after the two year separation (we had visited a couple of times) and planned to travel through Asia with no definite plans of coming home or our future. I now see that it was far too large a step to take for someone like me who struggles with relationship anxiety, but for some reason at the time I felt it necessary to take the plunge and test those limits. I also thought I had healed enough. Anyway, our reunion met with a lot of relationship anxiety that I struggled to work through as we met with very stressful situations together (working with migrant laborers, etc) and lived in very close quarters with no outside release. I went from the typical anxiety you describe (do I love my partner enough?) to utter sadness that felt like an abandonment of my soul, and the idea that I would not be able to find clarity while traveling with him in such close quarters. On top of that, I felt a profound guilt for the thoughts I had; that I was being unfair to him, and it remained too difficult to quiet the judging reaction to my thoughts. I couldn’t bear the thought of hurting someone who had sacrificed so much to be with me, and vice versa. Living alone in a mud hut in Sub-Saharan Africa for two years, which undoubtedly carries its own psychological consequences, he understandably was very reactionary toward these issues, and we eventually buckled. I agreed to come home and find out where I was really struggling internally, while I have the space and time. Now we are separated, and I’m unsure where my problems end and ours begin. I am a spiritual person who believes that our issues all stem from our own self, but it’s hard to seek that clarity and figure out how to take the next step, if it’s not already too late. I would like to finally take a course of yours. Which one would you recommend to someone going through what I am currently? Thanks!
I would recommend the Conscious Weddings E-Course as it sounds like the root causes of your pattern of closeness and retreat is relationship anxiety. It’s never too late to learn .
Finding this website last night made me break down into tears and gave me a glimpse of hope. I experienced gut wrenching, painful relationship anxiety two times in the past and like a nightmare, I’m now experiencing it again with my current boyfriend. I’ve literally lived in fear that I would experience this again and 2 days ago, there it was…The heart palpitations, intrusive thoughts, lack of sleep, sadness caused by an anxiety focused specifically on my boyfriend.
My SO and do in no way have a perfect relationship; however, he does many great qualities and I WANT to be with him. I know he is proposing to me soon and this is severely stressing me out…I don’t want to feel this way when he asks me the question that I’ve always dreamed of being asked. I almost want to tell him he can’t do that because how can I say yes to someone when the thought of him makes me so anxious and want to run away?
Through reading some of the forums here, I think it’s a problem deep within myself regarding false ideas of what a relationship should be. Looking back, I realize that I’ve had these thoughts for as long as I can remember! Here are some examples:
1.) I don’t get butterflies, does that mean I don’t love him?
2.) When we sleep we don’t cuddle enough so we must not really love each other.
3.) He gets on my nerves sometimes, if I loved him I wouldn’t get annoyed by him.
4.) Do I really want to marry him? Or am I just afraid of hurting his feelings and change.
Those are just a few of the many thoughts that go through my head. I feel absolutely crazy, guilty and lost. I just want to feel “normal” again. I’m hoping that with some work that I can beat this before it ruins my life again. As I said, I’ve experienced this before and it “came out of nowhere” and went away quickly. I then experienced it again with the same person and it lasted for a couple of months before I broke up with him because I couldn’t do it anymore. I was so physically sick. We then got back together and continued to have a great relationship for years until it ended for other reasons on his part.
I think I’ve always had these thoughts but they’ve gotten worse the older I get because of how hurt I’ve been in the past with relationships. Either way, I don’t want to lose my boyfriend.
The e-course was made for you, Jessica. With a big dose of accurate information and tools, you’ll be able to douse the lies you’re carrying about romantic love with truth water and open your heart to real love.
Oh wow jessica, you took the words right out of my mouth. ExacExactly how I’ve been feeling.. and It all came out of nowhere. So mind settling knowing it’s not just me..hope you are doing better day by day.
How have things worked out for you Megan? I ended up breaking up with my boyfriend a few days after my post. After being apart for a month we decided to meet up and things felt amazing that day. Now, a few days later all of my old feelings are back putting me right back where I started.
I have been plagued with relationship anxiety since the moment I met my bf in person (whom I met online). I was not attracted to him at all at first, but I went against my initial judgement and got to know him. With time I found that He is a wonderful man and my mind knows that we would be very happy and comfortable together. However I cannot stop my worrying about whether “I love him, am I in love with him, becuse there was no initial chemestrry (quite the opposie in fact) am I forcing something, whether I can love him forever and so on. We have only been together for 5 months so I am unsure if I am expecting too much too soon? All I know is that something deep in me tells me that I would be giving up a once in a life time opportunity with this beautiful man, yet the rest of me is in a sickening state of anxiety. In the moments when I am not fearful, I feel that we have a lot of potential and that my love will and sometimes does grow. I feel very relieved during those moments of clarity, but then it all comes crashing down.. on average once a month.. Is my relationship too new for your course?… Is my excessive doubt and fear, so early on in my relationship a bad sign?
The course would help you find your clarity, Patricia, and there are many, many course and forum members who experienced doubt from early on. You’re in the right place.
Hey, Sheryl when I came across this website about a year ago when I was frantically googling about relationship anxiety. I felt too humiliated to purchase this e-course. I am engaged now and I come to this site everyday to purchase the e-course but I feel embarrassed. I feel like there is something wrong with me that I have to do something like this, but at the same time I feel like the Lord is calling me to do this. I was in a terrible 5 year relationship that ended poorly and 3 months later a man came into my life who is an angel. I adore him and we recently just got engaged after a year and a half. I am very excited, but there is so much anxiety surrounding the thought of marriage. I am scared we will get married and it wont work out. He is my best friend, but as soon as we got engaged I have had a pit in my stomach. Sometimes I spiral thinking I don’t even know myself. I also try and define my relationship through other people relationships and it all just seems so unhealthy. Especially with all the social media about relationships. I try and tell myself that what I see isn’t probably all true, but it’s painful. Anyways I am scared to purchase this, but it is the new year and I want to do this. I am scared to tell my fiancé because I don’t want him to think I doubt us. Suggestions?
You’re in the right place and the course would be very helpful to you. It’s important that your partner understand that the doubt has very little if anything to do with him and is about your own fears and unresolved grief from past losses and hurts. It’s very common for people to struggle with purchasing the course for exactly the reasons you’ve shared – they think it means there’s something wrong with you that you need extra support – but the truth is that everyone needs support when they’re on the threshold of a major life transition and/or struggling with relationship anxiety for any reason. Give yourself the gift of the course, and consider this course for your finance:
i have a girlfriend and we been dateing for a year mow and where thing of moving in together and she has two kids but every time we talk about moving in together i jave a feel shes having second thoughts of moving together or maybe even being with me….i need help
Dear Sheryl, I have already paid for the e course. how do i begin?
I’ve just emailed you directly. You should have received all information upon purchase. It sometimes goes to junk/spam so please check there.
My boyfriend and I have been together for 6 months. I’ve suffered from relationship anxiety since about the 3rd month. It’s been an on and off thing. It’s heightened and then it dies down. Overall I feel I’ve been really happy with him and he feels the same. We always have a good time together and my family loves him and I get along great with his. He takes such good care of me, whenever and whatever I need he never disappoints. But the thought “I don’t love him as much as he loves me,” “I don’t love him I’m just convincing myself I do,” “the infatuation is over now I feel there’s nothing left” has plagued me heavily. Now I feel my only way to get rid of it all and find relief is to end things with him. It’s upsetting because the second I met him, I always thought and felt “he’s everything I ever wanted” and I feel like this now and I feel so guilty, sad and almost sick to my stomach. Sometimes I don’t even want to be around him. Idk if this is relationship anxiety but I’ve heard once you start feeling like this it means you really don’t love the person…
Idk if this will benefit me or if I should just end it
Another thing is I always like to think of how it’d be like if we had a future together. I use to get so happy and excited and now I get anxious, especially when he brings it up. It’s almost as if I’m scared that we can’t have a future together or that we won’t be able to “grow together..”
I wish it could be as easy for me to feel the way he feels or think how he thinks. Pls help..
The course would be a great match for you. Please sign up for the free sampler if you’re on the fence about it.
Hi, Sheryl. This might be long, so I apologize in advance. I’m a 23 year old female, and my boyfriend and I have been together for 8 years. We have the best relationship that I could ever ask for. My boyfriend is loving, attentive, makes me laugh constantly, and loves me unconditionally. Our relationship is wonderful now, but it hasn’t always been that way. This past summer, he started being distant out of nowhere. When I would ask him about it, he would act like he didn’t know what I was talking about, making me think that I was just making all of it up in my head. It finally got unbearable so I brought it up one last time. He finally admitted to me that he didn’t understand why he had been acting distant toward me, and choosing to be with his friends over me, etc. but he felt like if that’s what he was “wanting” to do, then obviously something was wrong. He told me he needed some time to himself to think about things, which proceeded the worst 2 weeks of my life. One day he asked me if I could come over so we could talk. When I got there, he started telling me about how after a lot of soul searching, he came to the conclusion that although he didn’t realize it at the time, he thinks he was acting that way because he was trying to figure out how to move forward in life. Although we have always planned on getting married and being happily together, a big career change on his end made him start rethinking his life. He apologized immensely for putting me through hell and told me that he wants me more than anything and he didn’t understand why it took all of that for him to realize it. After that, our relationship was the best it had ever been. Ever since, he has been nothing but a God sent for me and I couldn’t ask for anything better. Before all of this, I had NEVER dealt with any anxiety or depression, but since then, I have gone through bouts of anxiety with questioning things within myself that I would never have thought about before. I can only imagine that it stems from the “break” in the relationship, but I’m honestly not sure, to tell you the truth. I started having constant anxiety out of nowhere where I would say something, then question myself as to whether I was actually being myself, or if I was just trying to ACT like my normal self. It was exhausting, but it has subsided with the help of some anti-anxiety meds. I never thought I would have to resort to medication (and never wanted to) but they have seemed to help me. Then, this past Friday, again, out of nowhere, I was looking at a picture on my phone of me from about 2 years ago and I was thinking about how happy I looked, and this thought popped into my head that scared me to death – “This was back when WE were happy.” The fact that I didn’t say “back when *I* was happy” really scared me. Why would I have that thought? I am happy in my relationship. More than happy. But since then, like many people on here, my thoughts and emotions have spiraled out of control. “Why would I have that thought if there wasn’t some truth to it?” I have never doubted that he IS who I love and want to be with; the ONLY person I ever want to love and be with. Since I have started feeling like this, it is hard to be with him, and I absolutely hate that. It’s like whenever we’re together I’m conscious of everything I say and do. I feel like nothing is natural because I’m constantly thinking about it. Unlike many people on here, I don’t wonder if I should leave, because to me that’s not an option. He is who I imagine marrying and being the father of my children, but these thoughts and fears don’t go away! I’ve read on a few posts that you’ve said that it is anxiety if you’re not feeling like this/having these thoughts when “fear isn’t in the driver’s seat” and that thought makes me feel better, but only temporarily. I just don’t know what to do and how to move on from this. It also scares me that my medicine isn’t helping with this anxiety. So of course I wonder to myself, “What if it’s not working because this isn’t anxiety, but is in fact you don’t love him?” But I know I do, so it’s an endless, vicious cycle. I guess I’m just wanting someone to tell me I’m not crazy and that I will get better and have my relationship back. Would the E-Course pertain to my situation?
Thank you for taking the time to read, Sheryl.
P.S. If anyone else reading this had any advice/input, please respond. Thanks again.
Hi Sheryl. I feel at my wits end. I am engaged and our wedding is in 3 months. Throughout our engagement I have battled against waves of what I can only describe as sheer terror. They get really intense and then they fade away, only to return days or weeks later. When I’m in panic mode I convince myself that my fiancé is not right for me, that I’m not right for him, that he can do better, that we’ll get divorced. It’s horrible. Because I know he is a wonderful man and I know we can have a wonderful life together. I struggle with anxiety anyway, I have done for about 4 years. But this is really consuming me. Have I still got time to sort this before my wedding day? I’m terrified I’ll have a panic attack on the day and ruin it for everyone.
The course would be extremely helpful to you right now. You certainly wouldn’t be able to work through all of the fear in three months, but you would make significant headway and would be able to continue doing the inner work after the wedding. At the very least, the course will help you not have a panic attack on your wedding day if you commit to doing the exercises and using the tools offered in the material.
I have emailed you but I feel perhaps writing on here may also help. I have suffered from relationship anxiety from the start, so badly that I had to be put on quite high doses of medication in the past. I would freak out whilst in a lecture, throw up all the time and have horrendous shakes. This relationship ended which actually ended up with his feelings changing for me.
I am now engaged to someone else and living with him. He was not my type, however people carried on picking up on things that even I didn’t notice and people carried on asking whether we were together. In my head I would think “oh no he’s not even my type”. However we started seeing each other and things grew fairly slowly and then quite rapidly after we established our relationship. This man is probably the most laid back person I have ever met with probably the kindest heart. However as I thought would happen I got doubtful feelings (this probably started quite early on). My problem is the anxiety is no where near as severe as it used to be with my ex. I t is still very stressful and I will often go a whole day purely thinking about and obsessing over the relationship, analysing each thing. I have completely put myself off of sex and get feelings of repulsion, this is horrible and I am terrified of writing this because I dread the comment of “you shouldn’t feel repulsed”. However there are times when I do feel connected and I can’t hold him close enough but I will often push him away so not to ruin the moment or as soon as negative thoughts and feelings enter my head. I do get feelings of pure love but I watched a video where you said about being possibly 80% sure of wanting to marry. The idea and thought of marriage now is something I couldn’t feel more distant from. I start thinking what if I am wasting my life with you and I don’t love you really. I then look at men who I feel I get on with and start thinking about having relationships with them, I don’t even have to be attracted to them I just start telling myself I am denying my feelings for them. I have had more freakouts recently though and it has become more difficult to contain. I exercise a lot to keep it at bay but I feel I can’t use this all the time.
What I am worried is about the attraction mainly as I feel if I can get past this then I will be OK. Also if the anxiety is a lot less prominent than before and I am not being consumed as much by it anymore and just obsessively think about it, is it real? I feel sick writing this but could you please write to me and give me some insight? I haven’t had much therapy really and have done a lot of reading on it which has helped me manage it. But I just want to be happy and not worry ALL the time.
Thank you, you are great Sheryl!
I live in the UK. How would I purchase this
As long as you can use Paypal you should be fine.
Hi Sheryl, I need some guidance. I have been dating my boyfriend for almost two years. He’s a wonderful guy, always there for me, never stops doing things for me and my family, he’s loving and very adoring. We have been very happy together. About 6 months ago there was an issue that broke my trust with him…since then we have remained together but fight a lot more often but are in love so we want to stay together. We for the most part are joined at the hip. We recently took a vacation and he cleaned, cooked and did everything in his possibilities to take care of me and my family. We had a great vacation except toward the end of the trip we got in argument that really jolted me. Again it threw me back into a position where I questioned his trust/honesty. We made up 4 days later and everything was fine. But I all of a sudden it’s like a switch had gone off in me, I’ve gone from being totally in love and wanting to be around eachother all the time to having anxiety at the thought of being together, fearing when i see him that I will want to run away, or that I don’t feel the same anymore…I’m questioning all my feelings and waks up with anxiety and feel sad and guilty about my doubts. One week ago I was happy with him and wanted to be together all the time now I’m getting anxiety and sadness at not knowing if he’s the one or stressing about seeing him. I can’t even sleep when I’m in the same bed as him. What’s going on? I’m so confused. My sleep and eating is off now…feels like all my emotions have changed in a blink of an eye. I just want to feel happy and in love like I did. I’ve always had doubts about him but the love we shared seemed to over power that… Any guidance or help would be greatly appreciated
I am having huge anxiety about my relationship. I have always had anxiety with every relationship I’ve ever had. I constantly analyze my thoughts and feelings about the relationships. The anxiety is making everyday life miserable right now and I have a hard time coping or even feeling any joy. Things in my relationship were going great and sometimes I worry that my anxiety will come back and it always does. My worries include guilt that I don’t want to spent time with my bf on my one day off which means I must not love him, not constantly having the in love feeling and then trying desperately to find it that day which leads to more anxiety, and then I question if I truly love my bf. I’m currently going through a lot of my major transitions in my life including going back to school full time last fall, two years ago a major health crisis left my mother in a permanent vegetative state, and also two years ago, my partner of six years decided to end the relationship. I met my current bf right around the time I started school. I truly love my current bf and he is an amazing person but the anxiety is causing me to constantly question my feelings and my capability to handle school and being with someone. I have recently put my two weeks at work to focus solely on school, relationship, and myself. I found your work while doing many internet searches on anxiety which can sometimes lead to serious episodes of panic. Your work not only didn’t cause me to have panic but I found it insightful and soothing. I just want some clarity, peace, and serenity. Which of your courses would you recommend?
The e-course would be an ideal match for you. About 10% of the language and material is geared specifically toward engagement, but just ignore or sift through that and you will receive the information and tools you need to work through your anxiety.
Let me know if you thing this course is for me or if there is any hope.
I am a male engaged to a wonderful person. we have been in a relationship for over 6 years we are 25 and 23 just landed great carriers and have lived together for basically 5 years, the love we have for each other is amazing and the relationship has always been so easy and effortless. Until about 4 weeks ago.
I have always struggled with small fights with anxiety but my fiancée has always been my comfort from that. when I travel for work I would freak but I would always be so much better when I got back to her. Well about 4 weeks ago she left for work for a two week stretch, this proved to be too much for me. every since then I have been freaking out, feeling guilty about small things I have done to her in the past kick myself for looking at another girl and thinking “oh she is pretty”. I have found myself trying to convince myself I don’t love her anymore. and the worst is the intrusive thoughts about an ex that I know I have no feelings for. I really beat myself up and question my every thought. in a way it feels like im going through a break up and that our relationship will never be the way it was. That thought destroys me. I love this girl more than anything and the thought of not having her is devastating it hurts so bad. Our wedding is 8 weeks away and it is a big one. Over 300 people and this was always my idea, I have always been so pumped for this wedding, but now every time it the wedding gets in my head I freak out. I am worried that if I really loved this girl and wanted to marry her I would not be having these thoughts. I worry about the what I will be thinking on that day and what I am suppose to be thinking. I am constantly questioning my every thought. I cant help but feel like if she wouldn’t have went on that trip that it would still be just easy and great like it was. Pushing or canceling the wedding is not an option for me, every time I think about that I cringe. I just hope that I have enough time to get back to me to enjoy the wonderful day I want to have with this amazing person.
she is very supportive and though I don’t share every thought with her she know the most of what is going on with me.
The course was literally made to address exactly what you’re struggling with, as I hope you’re finding (as I see now that you’ve purchased the course).
Just an update. I just finished lesson one. Already seeing huge improvements. The worksheet about the memory of the exes is very helpful for me. I am living life almost normal again after just one lesson. the wedding planning still shakes me up a bit, but I feel like there is still time for that to get better. I am just very pleased with the improvement after just one lesson. The course really is based for women so that throws me sometimes but it lines up with everything im feeling so close that I can just ignore that. Thanks for the help so far.
I am seriously considering buying the e-course but I am afraid that I may be the person it has no effect on (of course), and so the investment worries me. I am also a student, so the budget is tight. I have been with my fiancé for 6 years, and engaged for 9 months. I wanted this, the engagement, the ring, the wedding… but for the last 8 months I have been sick about it. I have experienced anxiety daily for the last 10 years or so, and I cannot determine the root of it. I think I have redirected/attributed my general anxiety towards my fiancé and I can’t shake the feeling that we are not meant to be. I cannot think of a single con about him, he brightens my life and is the best man I have ever met, but my feelings towards him are quite literally painful to bear. Complete lack of sex drive and physical attraction that actually feels like repulsion, anxiety, chest pain (sounds dramatic as I type!)… all the while knowing he is great for me and I would only be so lucky to marry him. I know our future would be amazing, but I can’t see it anymore. I can’t find my feelings for him. It is terrifying.
If you do the work suggested in the course it will have a positive effect on what you’re struggling with. You’ve already wisely named the root cause of your anxiety: “I think I have redirected/attributed my general anxiety towards my fiancé”. In other words, you know that this has nothing to do with him but that he’s the screen onto which you’re projecting your anxiety. The first step of the work is to take all focus OFF of him and put it where it belongs: onto you.
Do you think the e-course would be a good place for me to start?
Without a doubt .
I was so relieved after I found your website and experienced that I”m not the only one struggling with rough relationship anxiety and all the crazy questions totally out of the blue.
The stories of other women help soothe my soul but when the anxious toughts and feelings begun to fade and when I stopped obssesing about my fiance 24/7, I started to feel panicky and to wander what it meant and did it mean that I really didn’t care about him or something else. I am so confused!!! Could you help me understand what is going on? Just a short info would be better than none. Thank you so much
When you stop obsessing on the intrusive thoughts then the true work of dealing with your own latent anxiety/grief can begin (the work that has nothing to do with your partner).
Thank you for your reply, Sheryl! I know the real cause of my anxiety is not my partner but within me. I’m supposed to move to my hometown in june, which means a brand new life is in front of me… I am supposed to look for a job and leave the role of college student and embrace the role of an adult, career woman and eventually wife. We are waiting for our house to be built so that we could get married and start living together as husband and wife. We have already lived together for 3 years as students but this is totally different for me since I have NO control over anything and I’m scared and cannot focus on my studies, which I should be finishing but due to the situation I don’t feel like it, I just sit and ponder over everything and can’t get myself to focus.
Do you have ANY suggestions for me? How do I get moving instead of being stuck. Thank you so much in advance!
Sheryl, I’ve struggled with anxiety for years, ever since high school. It started with a severe panic attack right after graduation. My anxiety was so bad I didn’t believe anything my therapists were telling me (it was because of all the change, etc. I literally thought I was dying) I Didn’t want to be on medication so I worked through it on my own and really learned how to manage my panic attacks. However, I haven’t really done anything to trigger change in about 4 years. Until now, I’ve recently gotten engaged and have lost control. My thoughts race and I constantly try to figure out if I’m doing the right thing. I have forgotten how to live in the moment…is this normal of anxiety?!
Yes, anxiety can go underground for periods of time and then re-emerge, usually around a transition. The anxiety is a gift if you move toward it and learn to decipher the messages, and it sounds like the invitation is to do so now.
I’m not sure if I am in the right place as im already married. Could you please advise which, if any of your courses would benefit me?
I’m 26 I’ve been married for 2 and a half years and with him 11 years next month (since i was 15.. scary!)
We are best friends & have been since we started dating. We seriously have the best relationship.. No ” red flags “.
I’ve had anxiety since we got married – my dr said it was because I planned the wedding to a tee for so long and then I was depressed when it was over & certain things caused me panik attacks which lead to anxiety.. I’ve always been emotional but not super anxious.. Then I developed a phobia for travelling & even sleeping at someone’s house.. now only over the past 6 months I have been having or what I am hoping is “relationship anxiety” ( I swear this came on over night – One evening I started thinking “is our sex life exciting enough, are we too much like friends etc etc”) and since then I’ve been freaking out!
I’ve lost my sex drive, I feel so nervous (to the point of vomiting) at the thought of having a baby together, Although before this that was all I ever wanted. I feel sick when he says “let’s go for dinner somewhere nice together”, I have fears if I do anything or meet new people ill fall in love with someone else and when I hear of others going to get married or when I am at weddings I feel ill, the other week I got home & had a full blown panic attack because in my head I was thinking “why did u come back hear, you don’t love him”..
I don’t cope with change well & we are building a new home which means we will sell our first home & ill have to move.. This scares me.. Maybe I’m taking out my fear about this & turning it into relationship anxiety!
I am seriously the luckiest girl, my husband is AMAZING he is soooo caring, he loves me so much & I know deep down I do love him with all my heart! (In my head then I just heard “do you?”)
I really want to feel love for him again instead of this constant sick stomach turning feeling every day! I need to feel content again, I want to start a family etc but not like this.
I can’t do this any more its so hard to love someone so much and want to feel that connection but at the same time feeling like there is a barrier blocking you!
I would be so grateful if you got back to me and suggested one of your courses or head me in the right direction, I refuse to loose him.
You’re in the right place! I cannot recommend the Conscious Weddings E-Course highly enough. It doesn’t matter when the anxiety hits; what matters is that you address it from the root and learn the tools that will help you effectively attend to what’s been asked of you at this point in your life (and it has nothing to do with your husband).
I am considering joining the course but I am financially not in a good place now so I am torn…
Reading through people´s comments and even testimonies on website I found that many people feel better initially but then continue to struggle and have to practice with provided tools, basically to speak to themselves over and over and over again on the same topic. This seems like a hell of a job and I am not sure whether I would be capable to convince myself of something for the rest of my life. I have been with my boyfriend for 6 years, in a healthy and happy relationship until one morning I woke up with the feeling like “something is wrong” and I started asking myself ALL the questions other people have shared. The first question appeared when I realized that I´m moving in june and I just became overwhelmed by everything.
My point is, just because I deal with the same questions every day, are people able to get over the anxiety completely or once the rumination and inrt.toughts appear they will haunt us forever? Thank you for your time in advance!
Anxiety and intrusive thoughts are symptoms. Once you address the root causes – literally addressing them from the root – the symptoms fade away. They may reappear to alert you to the fact that attention is needed inside, but they don’t rule your life or appear on a daily or weekly basis.
Thanks for replying Sheryl
Just want to check do you think the wedding e course would be more beneficial than the open your heart course for me?
I’m so confused. Also are you still having a sale soon?
Do you think my “core root” might be because I am moving house? And really I am scared about that but am just turning it into an issue about my husband?
Yes I’m offering a sale this Friday for Memorial day. Moving is a trigger, but not a root cause. Your anxiety has likely lived inside of you your whole life and is emerging now as an opportunity to heal.
I can so relate to this! I am also moving and I thought that that was the cause why I got relationship anxiety all of the sudden, and now you say it’s not the root cause? Could you please explain then why after 6 years (we lived 3.5 years together) of joy and love am I suddenly dreading to finally move into a new house with him and start a new life together? I was not super happy about that house to begin with, because it is in my hometown, which I always perceived as a stupid small town, a village and now I have to live there if I want to be with him. Nothing makes sense the more I think and read about this issue.
The most important question to ask yourself is: Is this the first time I’ve experienced anxiety or worry? For 99% of my clients and course members, they have had a lifelong relationship with anxiety and when hits in the relationship it’s an opportunity to learn about yourself and work with anxiety in a whole new way.
First of all, thank you for your answer. I already asked myself that question and the answer is “Of course I have experienced worry, who didn’t?” As far as anxiety goes I have been anxious about many things (my health, exams, parents etc) but never this severe and this long. Could it be as simple as me being afraid of not having a control? (This seems like a logical explanation for all of my cases because I constantly seek reassurance and a guarantee whenever I have a slightest doubt about something. And now because I’m leaving parents’ nest for good I might be scared to death whether I’m making the RIGHT decision and, of course, there are no guarantees that I can get and that makes me freak out?)
I find your website very comforting and I am very grateful. I read it on a daily basis and I am starting a therapy again next week. Unfortunately I do not have enough money for the e-course so I just wanted to ask a question here.
All of the sudden, my brain is trying to convince me that I do not love my fiance anymore and that I shouldn’t marry him and spend my life with someone who I don’t really love. Then, after disputing my beliefs and reading through your website on a daily basis I feel a tremendous amount of love for him. That is until the “what if” questions hit again and then I feel like I’m convincing myself that I do love him when I actually don’t and it feels even worse.
Based on your experience, how long does it take on average (considering that we do the work on ourselves), for people to let go of the “what ifs” and just be able to focus on their daily activities without being constantly bugged by crazy questions?
Dear Sheryl, just a quick question for you:
Beginning of the year I felt so tired and not interested in anything, demotivated. I thought It’s too much stress so I stopped my regular gym visits, my language classes in order to have more time for myself. And then when I didn’t feel more energized I became very anxious that maybe I don’t love my fiance. Never have I ever had these doubts! Most of the time I don’t feel satisfied with myself but it never bothered me as long as my relationship was good. Now that I’m doubting my love I feel so empty and alone, like I don’t have anything else! Any thoughts? It would mean a lot. thanx
What do you think would be a good course for me? Or do you have any suggestions on how I can get back to being the old me?
I struggle with travelling? I have terrible anxiety leading up to going on a holiday, whilst on holiday and a few days after till I calm down.
I’ve had holidays where I can eat or sleep for the whole time I am away.
I was like what you mention it the post, I hated sleeping out, I didn’t go to school camps I avoided anything like that. I only slept at my Dads and my Nans and home with Mum.
I still do. I would rather come back no matter how late it is.
I have 3 weddings over the next 2 years (Bali, Vegas and down south) and I have to attend all as I am a bridesmaid and the thought sends my head to a dizzy sick anxious feeling.
I want to go, I really do, but at the same time I am petrified.
I did have a period in my life where I was fine with sleeping out and I travelled to Europe for 8 weeks with only one night of feeling off.
I think I was “preoccupied”.
I cancelled my trip to America when this all started 2 years ago, ever since this started I cant stop thinking about travel and the thought of someone suggesting a camping trip or holiday worries me.
What can I do to make this go away. I want to travel, I want to explore and enjoy life. I want this to go away and I know I am strong enough to beat this stage but I would really like some advise on how to go about it.
Thank so much.
I beg for an advice about how to stay calm and loving toward my boyfriend although I am having anxiety and “what if I don’t love him?” dilemmas? I really want to get through with this, I started working on myself daily following the advice from the How to find your happy life course, but how do I stay “normal” until I create a new habit and heal even when I am struggling with these thoughts? He is noticing that I am acting strange and he’s been super kind and worried, which almost makes it harder for me. I feel tense and even sick to my stomach, it’s so hard.
I would appreciate your answer as I haven’t found the answer reading through the website. Thanx!
I want to join your e-course so badly, but I’m going to have to wait until I save up a bit of money. My paychecks are not very much and I’m a full-time student. I’m so afraid that I’m simply not in the right relationship and that I will be purchasing the e-course for nothing. At first I thought that I knew I wanted to be with him and that the love just wasn’t there anymore. Now I feel like maybe I don’t even want to be with him and I’m simply denying it because of the benefits the relationship does bring me, including the intimacy and attention that I would no longer be getting. I also fear hurting him. There’s no way to be certain it’s ROCD and that’s what eats at me. I don’t know if I ever did love him. But I feel like I want to be with him. Then I question if I really do. Is there any way to be sure that it really is relationship anxiety, or am I supposed to just let it go? How can you keep yourself in that mindset to help pull through it and not let yourself fall into thinking that it’s simply not right and can’t happen? I find some peace when I read your blog, but the fear is always there. All I feel is fear and depression and guilt. Why do my thoughts change every few weeks?
I used to tell myself, “It’s okay. You don’t have to break up with him,” and it would make me feel better. Now it makes me even more anxious when I tell myself that because it’s like I don’t know if I want to stay with him. It’s a vicious cycle! It makes me think I don’t want to be with him at all. But why am I so bothered by the idea of not wanting to be with him?
From what I’ve learned from my own experience the intrusive thoughts are the opposite of what we really want. A mother who is scared to death from intrusive thoughts about hurting her baby, actually would never want to hurt the baby in real life. What I found helpful is deciding that those thoughts are not helpful to you because they are not true. Truthful thoughts do not produce such negative and strong reactions in our bodies and minds. Once you decide that it’s all nonsense, it would be great to start filling your planner/agenda with daily activities, but literally organize every hour so that you have very little room for obsessing about boyfriend and spend as much time as possible doing something productive and useful. Stick to that routine for a week and then evaluate how you feel. Make time for daily practices like mindfulness, physical exercise and journaling, for example. Hope this helps! I am finishing my first week of the new regime and so far I am feeling better and healthy tired from my activities and not from my thoughts.
Thank you for your reply, whoami! I’ll try to do that.
When is the next start date for this course, and how can I sign on?
Thanks so much.
This course if self-guided, which means you can sign up and begin at any time.
I have been with my “fiance” for 2 and a half years. I have never been in a “good” and healthy relationship before him, and since I met him life has been so effortless and I have finally felt like I am the person I was meant to be. We have never even had a fight! He is so laid back and life has been so simple. We havent had any reason to fight, so that doesnt worry me too much. We moved in together last may, and for someone who is as much of an over thinker as I am, i thought there was a chance that I would wake up in a panic. But i didnt, and life has been wonderful. We even bought a puppy last fall, and although hes not a child, he feels like one to us, and it made me so happy to envision him as the wonderful dad i know he will be someday, and i always saw him by my side during pregnancy and parenthood. Don’t get me wrong, I would have little moments of question, as to if there is enough passion or if we were meant to be, especially because the first year we were long distance (we met on the college program in Disney world so after the program ended we decided to stay together and make it work), but they are quickly gone the next time we are together or speak, and he would make me feel like the luckiest girl in the world.
Last fall I was feeling such strong feelings of love, they were almost overwhelming, but in a good way. feelings I have never felt before. So calm, and save, and genuinely happy. since then we have been looking at rings and ive been basically planning our wedding. I would always look at rings with him online and the day I saw that he had some saved on his computer I was over joyed. But last weekend he proposed while we were on vacation and the second he did I panicked. I said yes, because I knew that i wanted to stay with him and i envisioned my life with him forever, but I have been a mess ever since. I cant figure it out. For the rest of the trip I was able to keep the feelings at bay, but now that were home its almost like I feel like a stranger in my own life. Nothing feels the same, and I know I am completely overwhelmed with emotion and fear. I do not want to ruin a good thing, but right now I am not even wearing the ring because I am having such internal struggles. I keep questioning if this is right, if I love him enough, if I was simply in love with the idea of being in love, and if things were “too perfect”, or am i afraid of divorce, and marriage in general because of all the divorce i saw growing up and how often my family members fell out of love. But i’m confused as to how I could have experienced such strong feelings of love and happiness that would almost bring me to tears, and then all of a sudden I want to erase the proposal all together and continue on as we were.
Do you think the e-course is something that would potentially help me in this struggle. I cant figure out if this is an issue with ME, or if its an issue with my feelings towards my fiance. please help!! I want more than anything to be that happy bride that we all hope to be!
The e-course will help you enormously, and I’m glad to see that you’ve made the purchase. Relief, insight and healing are on the way!
This is exactly my story Chelsea!
Oh my God, yesterday I had a totally unreal moment at my therapy session when my therapist said “Love is an action!” and I immediately thought about this website and its articles and how all this love is action thing sounded so strange. Although I cannot imagine the mere action without the feeling and the wish to do the action as love. Once I fell in the pit of anxiety I lost the feeling (not completely but occasionally)but I continued to act lovingly nevertheless. Do you think the feelings can return? I am still doubting sometimes but I am hoping I can get back to the point where I was before i let anxiety tear me to pieces. Thank you!
It is very reassuring that I am not the only one in this. I am
19 years old, a full time student, and have been dating my boyfriend since we were 16. I love him. I know I love him. And I love his family. And I know I want to marry him. But his family is pressuring it to happen now. They get married young in his family, and that scares me to death. I do not want to get married. I want to get married eventually, to him. Just not right now. I feel like there is something wrong with me bc I don’t want to right now. I have been having panicking spells every once in a while, and I usually can talk myself down. This last week, his older brother got married. For a while, it made me ecstatic about marriage. But the more I hung out with his family and the more they asked when our wedding was going to be, the more I started to freak out. When I think about him and only him, all I feel is love and happiness. But as soon as I think about marriage I feel doubt and panic and I question myself every time I say ‘I love you’ to him. There are no red flags with us…we have an open and honest relationship. I can and will tell him everything I am feeling, even about this, he just doesn’t understand. I know there is probably nothing wrong, and my aversion to getting married right now is probably just freaking me out. It is just so hard because he is so wonderful. I can’t leave him but I can’t marry him. I don’t know what to do
It’s clear that you love him but it’s also clear that you’re not feeling ready for marriage. There is absolutely nothing wrong with you for not wanting to get married at 19! You’re quite young, and it’s important that you honor your timetable, not his family’s. I know my response is probably not what you wanted to hear, but there are times when the message in the anxiety is that you need to slow things down, and from your comment it sounds like this is one of those times. That doesn’t mean you need to leave him; it means you may need to stand your ground until the two of you find a way to compromise that feels loving for both of you.
I am here to report that I have just finished my (cbt) therapy and that I have decreased the levels of anxiety and panic significantely. If it wasn’t for Sheryl’s articles, who knows what I would have done in the mids of my anxiety attacks. I dreaded being with my fiance, I was convinced that I’ve never loved him, I was petrified every time he touched me and I felt repulsion in every possible way. I was feeling HORRIBLE for acting like a stranger towards someone with whom I’ve been together for 6+ years. But I seek help and I was willing to go through all the pain, discomfort, not eating, feeling sick… because I wanted to know what was underneath all of that! It was a hard battle but I didn’t want to give up because all these things didn’t make sense! Today was my last therapy session… I have some follow-ups to do. I am not 100% myself yet but I am out of the gutter and depression hell, which is good enough to me. The key really is daily practice, pushing through and going about with your life in spite of mental hell. It gets better, I promise! So stick to finding out why are you feeling the way you do and eventually you’ll get out of it. If you have any questions feel free to ask. Lots of love
hello everyone, im 25 years old and i am writing this hoppeing to help someone and myself with this post.
i have been with my bf for a little ower 2 years now and thw first 9 months of our relationship have been the happyest days of my life. i never had luck in love never had a real bf or relationship and also, wanting to proteckt my self from getting hurt, i allways pretndet that i didnt care aobut people and things ecc.but when i met him and we started to hang out i felt that i could putmy gard down, and i did not let my feelings for him owercome me easly, but when i did let them i was unbelievebly happy. i was careless because i had found it, i found the love of my life, atleast then i was 10000% sure of that, and i thought that nothing could bring me down from that hight. our relatonship was perfect, we laught, we discused, we cuddelt we made love it was a dream, untill one day we are warching a movie and ower me came this dark feeling of doubt..am i really ok? what is going on? cant i really live without him? is this truly the love of my life? that night i sufferd from my first panic attack and it was aful and the next month or two were pure torture.i coudnt find similar casen anyhere untill one day i red a post sonewhere from a girl that was so SIMILAR Ytomy situation that i could not believe it and that made me feel a little bit better.i started therapy it is only helpful in the terms that i am speaking about it so that am not botteling ot all up but nothing has acctualy changet yet, except that now i knw that something is wrong with me allthoug i dnt knw what or why…and my intrusive thoughts can not freak me out like they used to because by now i am used to them. most of the tume nowi am good but there are times, like today, when i cant calm myself dow or stop these thoughts of doubt, and i started to look for problem in him wich before were apsolutely no issues, and that is propably conected to the fact that i have APSOLUTELY NO LIBIDNO,no sex drive or desire to sleep with him (or anyone else) or even mastrubate, wich leeds me to think that sonething is not right un our relationship, like if heis not sucessful one day i will not be happy, if he doesnt do well or look gud when areolder i will not be happy, such otther nonsence wich makes meembaresedeven to write here.im usualy, or i was about a year and a hlaf ago..a super happy energetic and pisitive person, and now all of these feeling have numbed, for instance i ALLLLWAAYYSS wanted a cat, allways, and for exaple, i cant get myself exidet about the thought of getting one now- even thou my wholelifeiwanted one sooo baadd, thats sort of how i feel about my relationship,im haveing a hard timefeeling the “i love you so much” feeling even thou a now i do (icnt even feel it like REALLY FEEL IT twoards my sister, and my sister and i are extremly close) i just want to be myhappy self again iwant to finaly kbw whats going on and give my bf the girlfriend he desirves, anddnt kbwwhy this is hapoening to us but i keep hopeing forbetter days and times when all of this will make us even stronger and happier then ever were.i hope this post helps someone, and if anyone thinks he has something to say to me we can exchangemail. gud luck everybody:)
I met my now fiancé 3 years ago through my new job. There was immediate chemistry that continued to grow intensely over the first year. I would refer to him as my “soul mate” to my friends because he was absolutely everything I was looking for, but knew nothing could happen because we worked together and were 15 years apart in age. But the feelings I had for him continued to grow and grow like nothing I had experienced before, until I eventually pursued him, found out the feelings were mutual, and we eventually began dating. As soon as we made it official, I began to feel some anxiety. My family and some of my friends did not approve of the relationship because of the age difference. The butterflies went away. He took me into a ring shop within the first month and I practically ran out the door. I use to tell myself “I will try it out for 3 months” then when 3 months would pass it would be 6 months, then a year. I feel like I was never truly able to dive in and enjoy the relationship because of the thoughts in my head. But I would give myself these deadlines and then never want to leave. I was happy. I enjoyed ever day with him. We just seem to click. Many people including my mom (once she got use to the idea), said I was the happiest they’d ever seen me.
Now I am engaged and feeling very intense anxiety. I was never the girl who dreamt of her wedding day. I have only seen failed relationships in my life, starting with my parents, and the thought of commitment, let alone marriage, has always been one of my biggest fears. I don’t think I have ever really dealt with these issues and to this day try and push them aside. My first instinct is to run. I think to myself, what if I can find someone exactly like him but younger? Why can’t I be so sure like he is? What if he gets sick? What if he doesn’t really want to have kids again? What if I am the one who wants to leave the marriage? I just want peace and to be excited!
I have been diagnosed with relationship OCD and have been dealing with it for almost 2.5 years now. I very interested in taking this course but was wondering if you think it would be a good idea. I don’t want it to be a form of reassurance for me but it does sound helpful. Do people with rocd take this course?
R-OCD isn’t actually an official diagnosis, but it’s what I refer to as relationship anxiety. So, yes, the course would benefit you enormously, as that’s exactly what the course addresses. However, I would suggest that you stay OFF the forum so that you don’t fall into the habit of seeking reassurance.
Hi Sheryl! I am only 18 years old and I am so so so scared to LET GO and surrender to my feelings, to uncertainty, and to everything. My boyfriend loves me and he is more my best friend than anything – we are so silly together and so good together. However, I have so many intrusive thoughts. Something tells me I’m just not ready for a serious relationship, and that when I go to college, I will not be able to handle the relationship so I may as well break it off. No one in my family has had a successful relationship (parents,grandparents) and I do not know if i feel this way because I am too scared or because I am not ready to be serious?
I want to be serious, I want to love him with all my heart, but my heart is chained by tons and tons of fear/intrusive thoughts!
Sally, Your post reminded me of where I was at last year! I was on my way to college, going into a long distance relationship with my boyfriend of 1 and a half years, and the night before I left for college, the anxiety hit. It is scary thinking to the change that is to inevitably come from going to college. Perhaps you aren’t ready to be serious with him, but in my case, it was a huge amount of fear, that still kind of lingers even after a whole first year of school. Are there other people in your life, such as friends or family that look down on your relationship? Students seem to be expected to go into college single, ready to explore many relationships. Maybe you are anxious over the fact that you will be going in with a boyfriend and are scared over possible disappointment and grieving over missing out on other guys. Either way, if the boyfriend you are with, is a loving partner, and you still wish to be with him, theres nothing wrong with waiting it out and staying!
I have just read your blog ‘the fear of losing’ this is exactly what happened to me, there was an incident that may have ruined everything that I had ever wanted with my boyfriend and I realised I had so much to lose, it terrified me. This brought on the anxiety of do I really love him, and would my life be easier if I just walked away. Would the E-Course benefit me?