Do you worry that you don’t love your partner enough – that he or she isn’t “the one”?
This E-Course is the anti-anxiety medication for your soul. If you’re suffering from engagement or newlywed anxiety, this is the best course of action you can take. Give yourself this gift today!
It’s an instant download of comfort, inspiration, and practical tools for managing your anxiety and realizing your clarity and love. This is the only e-course available to help you transform your relationship anxiety and marriage fear into clarity and serenity. It includes seven downloadable lessons of exclusive videos, MP3 interviews, articles, checklists, and exercises.
“Sheryl’s work was indispensable in helping me soothe and address my fears and anxieties around my engagement and approaching wedding day. Without her guidance, wisdom and assurances, my overwhelm may have clouded what turned out to be one of the calmest and most incredible days of my life.”
∼ Alanis Morissette
Watch and read more below…
Do you think you have an extreme case of engagement or relationship anxiety?
Do you feel alone with your experience, like no one understands?
You are far from alone and I assure you that you’re not an extreme case. But you don’t have to take my word for it. When you purchase the E-Course, you gain access to hundreds of pages of posts from the now-closed Conscious Weddings Message Board. Here you’ll read about women and men who were struggling with your EXACT issues, and you’ll be privy to the wisdom of those who made it through and are offering their advice to those in the eye of the anxiety storm.
“The e-course was a gift and an answer to a prayer. I felt so lost when all this started, but after working through the e-course and interacting on the forum I feel like there is actually a purpose in all this. I feel this sense of peace now. I might still get little blips of anxiety and I can only assume that there will continue to be ups and downs on this journey, but what I have learned is that it's not my fiancé. It's not anyone else. It's an internal struggle, an inner part of myself that needs attention.
I would encourage every single bride and groom to work through the e-course. I feel like it was such an eye-opening experience that everyone and anyone can benefit from. I learned so much about myself and I can truly say that I learned how to really fall in love with my fiance. Not a "fireworks and butterflies" type of love, but a real, safe, healthy love. I didn't even know what real love was until I started on this journey; I had a very skewed belief in a fairy tale. I didn't even realize that until the anxiety hit me and I found Sheryl's work. I am 100% certain that anyone who is experiencing anxiety over marriage will benefit from Sheryl's work. It has definitely changed my life and, if you are ready and willing, it can change your life for the better, too!
- Jessie, Phoenix, AZ
To read this complete testimonial, including Jessie's proposal story, click here
One of the best ways I can assure you that you're not alone is by offering you a FREE Sampler of the E-Course. Simply fill in your information below and you'll see that this information will apply to you:
And once you purchase the E-Course, you will gain access to the NEW password-protected E-Course Forum where you can connect with other people who are struggling through the relationship anxiety and receive support from a group of very wise women and men who are now happily married, many of whom come back to the forum to offer lifelines to those still in the trenches. One of these "conscious marrieds" said of her experience with the Message Board:
“When I was going through all my anxiety, I couldn't sleep or eat, and I would just search the internet for answers all night long. When I finally found your site, I was in tears after seeing other people were going through this and I was not alone. That message board was my lifeline for months.
I truly can't thank you enough for making me work through all the thoughts that were going through my head. I really married such a wonderful person . We are expecting our first child in July, so new adventure here we come!"
- Anna Minzel, Seattle, WA
Along these lines, you'll also receive four MP3 interviews with women who were anxiously engaged and have now been happily married for several years. They share their struggle in detail and let you know that you’re not alone, crazy, or an extreme case! Many of these women are part of the conversation on the new E-Course Forum. As Leisha in Lesson 4 shares (who had a glorious wedding day and has been happily married since 2006):
“All of a sudden I felt overwhelming sickness which I later realized was a panic attack. After that I couldn't function. I couldn't eat and lost a ton of weight. I couldn't sleep and when I did I would wake up crying. I could not function. It took about five months to get to the point that I wasn't panicky."
- Leisha Clenenden, Riverside, CA
Do you worry that you'll feel this way on your wedding day?
Here's the short answer: If you work through the E-Course and give yourself enough time to address your fear and grief, you won't! Every client I've worked with has had a beautiful wedding day and, more importantly, felt prepared to enter marriage. Furthermore, as you'll hear in the MP3 interviews in the E-Course, everyone who goes through this transition consciously is actually grateful for their struggle with anxiety! Don't believe me? When you get to the other side, you'll say the same thing.
“ I got married on July 23, 2011, so I am now a wife and newlywed... wow! Something I wasn't quite sure I could pull off in the throes of anxiety! I have been with my husband for 5 years; we got engaged in February 2011, something I had been wanting for a year or so. Almost immediately I started to panic. Since I didn't think that response was appropriate, I went into a tailspin from there. The first few months of engagement were so hard (no sleeping, no eating, sobbing, feeling alone, etc.) and then I found this course, which was the best thing that could have ever happened! It allowed me to feel my feelings, to address them directly, to hear stories to make me know I wasn't alone and to start working on myself. I had the most amazing wedding day of my life... We have been married for almost 6 weeks and it's been lovely."
- Anne Harman Solheim, Chicago, IL
To read Anne's full story, click here
What you learn through the challenges cannot be measured in money or expressed in words but will help you become a happier, more stable person for the rest of your life. Because if you fit the profile that I describe in detail in Lesson 1, this isn't the first time you've felt anxious and had difficulty making a major life decision. Wouldn't it be life-changing to learn the information and tools that will help you navigate every transition you'll ever go through? It starts now.
“When I got engaged to my long-term boyfriend, I almost immediately started to panic. My mind knew that he was an honest, kind, truly good man that I trusted and felt safe with, but fear completely took over. I felt unsure that he was "the one" or "the right one." Growing up, I never had many examples of happy marriages around me, and as an adult I've watched marriages fall apart. I didn't have a lot of confidence in marriage in general, and I wasn't sure if I was ready to commit.
"These unsure feelings caused me so much stress that I stopped sleeping through the night and felt very closed off from my fiance. For months, I couldn't bring myself to talk to any of my friends about my "cold feet" because I was sure that these feelings meant something bad. I held it inside to the point of almost breaking down. I avoided wedding planning and panicked when it came time to send our save-the-date cards.
"As a last-resort, I decided to sign up for the e-course. Almost immediately, I started to feel little sparks of hope. It forced me to spend time on understanding myself more fully, recognizing which feelings were normal and which had to be worked through. I realized that I was not the only person in the whole world experiencing engagement anxiety. Through the course, I came to understand a lot about myself and fear.
"The e-course is a study of becoming more conscious of your thoughts. It is not a quick fix; instead, it's a self-paced, rebuilding of the way you understand your feelings and thoughts. The more you understand about your self and your anxiety, the more power you feel over your anxiety. Because of the e-course, I was emotionally ready to experience all of the love I felt on my wedding day, without panic. I'm so grateful for Sheryl and I recommend this course to anyone who is on their engagement journey.”
For the complete testimonial, click here.
What you will receive:
- 11 exclusive videos totaling over 2 hours of information
- 4 exclusive one hour podcasts from women who were anxiously engaged and are now happily married and 1 podcast from a man married 29 years
- Three email sessions with two different clients
- Access to the NEW Password-Protected Message Board and hundreds of pages of posts from the Conscious Weddings Message Board Archives (which many happily married women credit is the single most influential reason why they didn’t run)
- 18 articles (9 exclusive articles)
- Checklists to help you identify the areas of this transition that are most affecting you
- Notecards for the anxiously engaged with positive, truthful statements that you can print and cut out to keep handy in your bag or pocket
- Exercises from The Conscious Bride’s Wedding Planner
- A Wedding Day Meditation MP3 to help prepare you for your wedding day
“The most helpful thing about the eCourse was reading that most other people were going through the same thing. The hardest part about this transition is feeling alone and when I learned that I wasn’t alone, I felt less guilty for my feelings. I was anxious for ten months leading to my wedding day, but the wedding day was great. I was very calm (I had listened to the meditation from the eCourse a few days before and the morning of). In fact, I was so calm everyone commented on it. People would say WOW you don't look nervous at all, you look so calm, no jitters? I laughed inside thinking I've had wedding jitters the past 10 months.... today I feel good.
Part of me started wondering if I was just disconnecting myself and that's why I didn't feel nerves. Then when we got to church it hit me. I felt LUCKY AND LOVED. It was supposed to be a rainy weekend and the sky opened up when we got to church. Being the way I am and always thinking the worst is going to happen and stressing about all the bad things and what ifs, at that moment I started to cry because I felt so lucky that everything was going great. I also felt so much love. At one point LOVE is all I could think. Thank you for everything."
- Giuliana Montenegro, Union City, NJ
From a client who's email session is included in Lesson 2:
“I got married! Successfully! Consciously! I was very impressed with myself! I owe every bit of my being on that day to YOU AND YOUR WORK! I don’t even want to know how I would be now if I didn’t google “is it normal to be scared of marriage?”! I can’t thank you enough! Best wedding present! I hope my [email session] helps someone like me!”
Frequently Asked Questions:
1. What if it doesn’t work? What if I go through the E-Course and I’m still anxious?
The E-Course isn’t a magic pill that takes away your anxiety just by reading the material and watching the videos (I wish I had that magic pill!). You have to work through the exercises and give your fear time to work through. The E-Course will provide you with accurate information to replace your false beliefs. It will provide you with tools and exercises for working with your fear. It will provide you with comfort from reading about and hearing other women’s and men's stories that are just like yours. But the real work has to come from you and your commitment to taking full responsibility for your well-being. And there are two factors that I can't include in the Course: time and patience. There are six factors in the equation that result in serenity:
accurate information + effective tools for managing anxiety + support + validation through other's stories and posts + time + patience = serenity
The E-Course offers the first four factors, but there's no way to package TIME and PATIENCE. However, I will say this: Every single person who has worked with me in some capacity (read my books, frequented the message board, worked through the e-course, and/or had counseling sessions) and has found the patience to give themselves enough time, has found their serenity. Across the board without exception. With the E-Course and Time, you will find your answers, too.
2. What if I work through the E-Course and discover that I don’t want to get married?
Then you’ll have found your clarity and serenity. Serenity doesn’t necessarily mean that you’ll avoid difficult feelings; it means that you’re at peace with your decision, whatever you decide. And better to find out that you don’t want to get married now than after you’re married. And just in case that statement spikes your anxiety, of the hundreds of people who have gone through the e-course, not a single one has left their partner.
“Three weeks before my wedding, I was furiously searching the web, looking for an answer to why I was feeling sick - literally sick: I couldn't eat, I couldn't sleep, I couldn't function. And I had a wedding to plan. A therapist and a few friends told me, "Well, if you feel this way, it can't be right - don't do it." But the thought of canceling the wedding made me more anxious than the thought of going through with it. I knew that the root of what I was experiencing was far deeper and more complex than finding a solution by simply canceling the wedding. It wasn't cold feet; I knew it was something more.
"After finding Sheryl’s web site, my instincts were validated: these feelings were more than cold feet. I immediately signed up for the e-course. It was the best gift I could have given myself. This course is not designed to tell you whether or not you are marrying the right person – no course and no one can tell someone that. What the course does, and did for me, is give you the tools to wade through all the noise: the noise in your head, the noise in the media, and even the “noise” from some well-intended loved ones. The tools in the e-course are not only tools that you can use to help you with the transition of marriage – they are tools for life. I highly recommend giving yourself this life-long gift.”
∼ Sophie, Nova Scotia
3. What if I’m a guy?
The E-Course applies to men, too. Some of the language is gender-biased, but don’t let that stop you. More and more men are finding their way to my work and realizing that they have a boatload of fears that need to be addressed before they can marry without anxiety, like A.G. from North of England:
“Two months before my wedding I started to fall apart with fear and anxiety. I remember coming to the decision that I didn't have any love for her. 'She's not the one', I thought. I couldn't believe what I'd done. How could I have been so stupid to let things get so out of hand so quickly? There was nothing else for it. Imminent though the wedding was, I couldn't go through with it. I went home to break the news to her. I said that for some reason, I was having to let go of the best thing that had ever happened to me, but I didn't know why. As I spoke those words, I knew that to end it was not what I really wanted. Within half an hour, we'd patched things up to the extent that we were re-engaged but I knew that I had a lot of work to do. I still felt as though I didn't love her, but I couldn't find any real reason why.
I spent a huge amount of time searching the internet for advice on cold feet and general wedding anxiety, none of which was helpful. 'Doubt means don't', they all yelled at me. Two weeks before the wedding I found the Conscious Weddings website. I couldn't believe what I was reading. Every account, every story, every emotion, they were all just like mind. I learned so much about myself. About how my perceptions and expectations of marriage had been shaped by the media in the form of romantic comedies and how if your stomach doesn't do somersaults every time they walk into a room, it means you don't love that person. I realised, although it seems obvious now, that if that's the way it is, then there isn't anyone who has been with the same person for more than two years who can claim to be in love.
It's taken a long time, but I can say without any shadow of a doubt that I love my wife and I love being married. If you're reading this now after searching the internet for reassurance then, as cliched as it may sound, I know how you're feeling. Trust me. Do the work on this e-course and you'll be more than fine. You'll find your way to a kind of love that you didn't know existed. - A.G, North of England
To read this complete testimonial, click here
There's also a fantastic interview with a man named Leo in the free E-Course Sampler, which you can sign up for in the box near the top of this page.
And if you're the partner of someone struggling with relationship anxiety, please take a look at my Premarital E-Course, which has an entire section called, "For the Partner of the Anxiously Engaged."
4. What if I’m already married?
The beauty of transitions is that it’s never too late to complete an unfinished transition. If you’ve found yourself here it’s probably because you’re struggling with post-wedding anxiety or depression. You might be thinking, “Shoot. I wish I had found this information before I got married.” Don’t worry! It’s not too late! The sooner you address your fear and grief and learn the information and tools that will help you work it through, the sooner you will find your serenity around your marriage transition.
"My husband proposed with all of my family around us. My first thought was, 'Oh my God, what have I done, we can't get married, I don't love him enough. I can't believe I led him on for 7 years, I'm a horrible person.' What I didn't realize is that those thoughts were completely normal. I believed the thoughts because I had the thoughts so they must be the truth. This was NOT the case at all but I couldn't see it at the time. I was normally such a happy, loving person. What in the world was going on? I was now the girl that wasn't eating, wasn't sleeping, didn't want to be around anyone or anything. I couldn't get out of bed, I sobbed many, many times a day. Where did this amazing person go? What was happening to my relationship? Was I going to run, break my husband's heart, and not marry him after all we had been through? I went into a deep, dark depression. I was depressed throughout my entire engagement. I had never been depressed before in my life! Now, I was at the doctor getting medicine for anxiety? I was completely different from everyone else, this is horrible. This had to be wrong, this had to be a bad choice. Right?
"I found the E-Course after I had been married for several months. After I spoke with Sheryl and all of the people on the message board. I realized that this wasn't wrong. My reaction was completely normal. I dealt with extreme anxiety my entire engagement. After I got married, I still dealt with mild anxiety for quite some time. However, I used many tools that were provided for me through the e-course. I have now been married over a year and I get anxiety very rarely."
∼ Janelle, 27, Pennsylvania
To read Janelle's complete testimonial, click here
5. I’m already in therapy. How is this different?
Most therapists aren’t trained in the specifics of going through a transition in general and the wedding transition in particular. Sadly, I’ve heard countless stories of people’s therapists who respond to the doubt and fear with the dreaded, “Well, maybe that means you shouldn’t be getting married.” And even the best of therapist don’t have the information and tools at their fingertips that can help you through your engagement or newlywed anxiety. This e-course isn’t therapy, but it works beautifully in tandem with a good therapist (please see my counseling page for more information on my sessions and unique approach to working with anxiety).
“I met the man of my dreams after a few failed relationships and many heartaches. There was so many times I had to pinch myself as the guy who swept me off my feet seemed too good to be true. He is handsome, funny, smart, loyal, and genuine and every other amazing word you can think of. I couldn’t believe it when after Chris proposed to me I fell into a pit of depression and serious anxiety. It was debilitating and for a few weeks I was an emotional mess; I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t eat, I cried and constantly felt sick. I couldn’t understand why I was feeling the way I felt when Chris was everything I wanted and more and I wanted to get married for a while. The only explanation I could come up with for my feelings were ‘maybe I’m feeling this way because he isn’t the right one’ or ‘maybe I don’t love him enough’ ‘maybe we aren’t meant to be’. These thoughts tormented me for quite some time and I tried to push them away. Sometimes when I ignored them I would feel better for a little while but then they would creep back to me and drop me in a pit of depression all over again.
"We set our wedding day for 28th April 2012 so I had 2 years to get my feelings in order. I decided to take action: I started seeing a therapist to deal with the actual physical anxiety and I started researching online. A few websites I found flared my anxiety up big time but then I found Conscious Weddings – Sheryl Paul's work and the first blog I read I cried with relief. My feelings were felt by others all over the world, I wasn’t alone and also there wasn’t anything wrong with my feelings. I signed up for the e-course almost immediately and got straight on with the lessons. I read and read and read. I spoke to my fiancé about it and I showed him some of Sheryl’s videos so he could really understand how I was feeling (even though he was so supportive anyway despite being slightly confused at times), I frequented the forums and read as much as I could. I come from a family and past of much anxiety and stress and it was time for me to break the cycle...
"Marriage so far has been amazing; I have made such a great decision with such an amazing person. I would encourage anyone who has visited this website looking for help to do this e-course and join our community. There is so much help here and so many people who feel exactly the same as what you feel. We don’t all have the exact same story or history and we don’t all have the exact same thoughts but we all searched for the same things which lead us to this website and I guarantee you that this is the place to be. Hang in there, be strong and don’t give up.”
∼ Rosanne, Australia
To read Rosanne's complete testimonial, click here
6. What if I'm not engaged yet?
Without a doubt, the e-course would be immensely helpful to you. It's the best course of action anyone struggling with relationship anxiety can take, whether single, partnered, engaged, or married. The sooner you take action, the sooner you'll experience the relief that hundreds of e-course members have experienced. Through the private, password-protected e-course forum, you'll also "meet" others in your exact situation: not engaged but struggling with relationship anxiety with such severity that its threatening to break apart their loving, solid relationship. You've found your way to the right place and help is on the way!
7. I’ve read “The Conscious Bride” and all of your articles. How is this different?
This E-Course begins where “The Conscious Bride” left off. I starting writing “The Conscious Bride” fourteen years ago and it was published ten years ago in 2000. Since then, I’ve counseled and advised thousands of women and men through relationship anxiety, and the evolution and expansion of my understanding is reflected in this E-Course. Where “The Conscious Bride” focuses more on helping people through the grief, loneliness, and archetypal fear, the E-Course focuses on how to understand and ultimately resolve relationship anxiety.
8. What are the seven lessons? What if they don't apply to me?
Each of the seven lessons is based on one of the most common questions that I’m asked, so chances are high that the majority of them will apply to you. These questions are:
1. What’s Wrong With Me? or Understanding Your Personality Type and An Overview of Transitions: Here you’ll learn about the profile of those prone to anxiety, why some people seem so happy in their relationship, and an overview of transitions.
2. Why Is My Partner Driving Me Crazy? or Understanding Projection: Here you’ll understand projection and the breakdown of the fantasy of the perfect partner that begins when you the relationship turns "real".
3. What If I Don’t Love Him or Her Enough?or Understanding Real Love: Here you’ll learn about the difference between real love and infatuation.
A few days after starting the course:
I cannot begin to tell you how my level of anxiety has just plummeted since I found this website and ecourse. Knowing that I am normal and not alone has quite honestly cut my anxiety in half! When I first had a little anxiety attack, I began to have more and more anxiety, simply about the fact that I was anxious -- my gut must be trying to tell me not to get married, I thought. Now that I know it's okay to be anxious (and sad and lonely) I feel better. Really since my fiance and I met I've worried I don't love him enough, or that I'm settling, because we don't have the infatuation I had with previous relationships. But we do have the strong, steady, reliable comfort of the kind of healthy relationship I never had before. Also, the way he eats drives me CRAZY and I'm glad to know that's not unusual. This experience of being on the forums and working through the lessons have turned a light back on inside me I had forgotten about. Thank you!
Three weeks after her wedding:
I have now been married almost 3 weeks (yay!), and I am just happy as a clam (even his eating habits bug me less). By the time the wedding arrived I was in a state of calm I could not have dreamed of when I was up in the middle of the night searching the internet and came upon your website. My wedding day was amazing - I just got the photos back today, actually, and there is a giant grin on my face in every single shot! I have settled into a contentedness I've never experienced before, and I am so grateful for what I learned working through your lessons and the forum. Thank you. -Newlywed, Memphis, Tennessee (May 2012) To read this complete testimonial, click here
4. What If These Feelings Mean That I’m Making A Mistake? or Accepting Uncertainty: Here you will learn to distinguish between real fear resulting from a red-flag issue in the relationship, anxious fear and healthy transition fear and you’ll be offered a relieving perspective on the word “mistake”.
5. How Do I Manage My Anxiety?Here you’ll learn highly effective tools for handling the anxiety both in the moment and for the rest of your life.
“Before I found the E-Course, I was very lost and very scared. I have described it as feeling like I was in a very dark, deep forest without a flashlight. Once I embarked on the course, I realized I actually had a flashlight, I just had to learn how to turn it on. With a lot of practice, I learned how to take care of my feelings centered around my fears. The moment when I knew something was working came around the time when I had built up enough courage from working through the lessons, journaling, and the support of the forum when I knew that this had nothing to do with my partner but was fear trying to protect me from getting hurt by love.”
∼ Ashley B.
To read Ashley's complete testimonial, click here
Ashley's MP3 interview is in the free E-Course Sampler
6. What If I Feel Like This On My Wedding Day? Here you’ll receive practical tools to support all of the emotional work you’ve done to support your wedding day serenity.
7. What Does Marriage Mean Today? Here you’ll learn to dismantle the idea that there’s one way to have a marriage and explore the most common reason why marriages fail today You’ll receive seven lessons that will guide you to the clarity and joy that you seek. And unlike having a counseling session, you’ll be able to listen to the videos and podcasts as many times as you need to until you start to absorb the truth. A lot of the anxiety that emerges during the wedding transition is a result of the lies and unrealistic expectations that our culture disseminates and that you’ve absorbed from the time you were old enough to absorb information. The more you understand the truth, the more you’ll be able to battle the fear-based lies that you’ve been telling yourself ever since the anxiety began.
9. Is it really worth the expense?
The average cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $26,000. So, yes, it’s worth the expense : ) But the real question to ask yourself is this: What is the cost of NOT getting the help and support you need? What will happen to you - and your relationship - if you don't address your anxiety thoroughly and effectively?
10. I'm still uncertain. Do you offer any free consultations? Yes, if you're uncertain about whether or not the E-Course is right for you, simply contact me directly using the contact form at the bottom of this page and ask me any questions you have about the course.
From a woman who worked through her pre-engagement anxiety:
I got engaged last week! Your e-course really helped me answer my questions so I could say "yes" with joy when he proposed! This is a miracle as I'm 38 and thought I'd never get to this point! I'm still trying to work through and feel the fear when it comes up. The latest voice says, "How do you know you really know him and he's not going to be this different person someday?" But now I can see where that comes from and can talk to my fiancé about it to dispel the fear. I don't feel happy all the time in my engagement; it's stressful too. But I'm so thankful for your eCourse! We're getting married this fall (2011) and I'm looking forward to the journey.
- Julia H.
Your peace of mind is worth it!
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If you have a question about the e-course, please submit it below in three brief sentences or less. Due to the volume of emails that Sheryl receives, she cannot read and respond to lengthy inquiries, but she's happy to answer a very specific question to help you determine if the course is right for you. If you write a long inquiry you will not receive a response. Before submitting your question, please be sure to read the Frequently Asked Questions section on this page to see if it's already been addressed.