Gathering Gold Podcast – 2024

In the spirit of the season, we bring to you one of our most popular episodes to date: last year’s episode about the Winter Solstice.

We are also offering a special 15% off discount for any new Patreon sign-ups with code GOLD24 and are hosting a Winter Solstice gathering for the Meet-Up Members on Sunday, December 22, at 3 pm EST. Visit patreon.com/gatheringgold to learn more. 

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We are approaching the shortest day and longest night of the year in the Northern hemisphere.

In preparation for the winter solstice, Sheryl invites us to anchor ourselves in time and find communion with the luminous dark.

How might we celebrate the triumph of light, the gift of the sun, while also welcoming the wisdom of darkness?

How might we balance the need to rest and turn inward with the need to brave the cold, to go out into the world?

How can we cultivate peace within ourselves in the face of all that is treacherous in this world—including the double-edged winter months, with their shimmer and ice, their harshness and beauty?

This is what we invite you to explore with us in today’s episode, and at our upcoming Patreon Meet-Up on December 21st. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon (sign up for the Meet-Up Member tier to join our virtual meet-ups)
• “Darkness and Light” episode
• “Winter’s Paradox” episode 
• Francis Weller
• “Effort and Ease” episode

We all know that practicing gratitude is good for us: we’ve read news articles about groundbreaking research on the benefits of gratitude, purchased gratitude journals, maybe started incorporating gratitude practices into family dinners or even work meetings. So why is it still sometimes so hard to really feel and and experience gratitude in an authentic and enriching way? And what are some pathways to an open heart when our gratitude “motor” is cold?

That’s what we’re unpacking in today’s episode.

…And P.S.: We are so grateful for all of you, dear listeners!

References:

• The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World, by Robin Wall Kimmerer
• “Those Winter Sundays” by Robert Hayden 
• Brother David Steindl Rast
• A Man on the Inside TV show
• The Good Place TV show
• “Gratitude,” by Mary Oliver
• Meister Eckhart

Leaves are falling from the trees. The world is shifting into hues of gray and brown, into sparseness and clarity. Meanwhile, we are entering into the holiday season.

Amidst it all–the darkness and the light, the fatigue and the excitement–how can we stay present for the gifts all around us? Not the gifts wrapped in paper and bows, but the little, everyday miracles: the maple tree still wrapped in orange and golden leaves; the comfort and safety of a heated home; the magic of sharing a meal with good friends. 

In today’s episode, Victoria shares reflections on receiving and honoring the gift of presence. 

References:

• “The Power of the Pause” Gathering Gold episode
• Brother David Steindl-Rast
• Sheryl’s blog post, “Holiday Pain and Gratitude” 

“There are times of heightened fear. And there are times when there is a lot of fear in the greater collective, in the culture. And I do think that one of our ultimate tasks, one of our ultimate spiritual tasks as human beings, in these bodies, is to work with fear and its opposite, which is love, but also is trust.”

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares wisdom about grounding ourselves during uncertain and anxious times and guides us through a practice of connecting to our hearts, our minds, and each other.

“I can tell you the names of Taylor Swift’s parents, but not my great-grandparents.”

Can you relate to Victoria’s admission in today’s episode?

Many of us have lost connection with our ancestors. Or rather, that connection was severed even before we were born, by cultural conditions that de-prioritize relationships in general, and familial bonds in particular. 

And: connecting to the unseen realm of ancestors goes beyond learning about our genealogy. We can draw strength and comfort from imaginal grandmothers, mythological archetypes, and even fictional characters that have helped shape us into who we are or who we will become.

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares reflections on both why and how to re-connect with the branches and leaves of our family trees to find new, ancient allies in the unseen realm. 

Let your ancestors hold your worry, offer you their prayers, and anchor you in this autumnal season when the veil between the living and the dead is thin.

References:

• Coco (2017)

• James Martin, Jesuit priest

• Lalah Delia

• “Dancing in the Dark” Bruce Springsteen

• “It Had to Be You,” Tony Bennett

• “Raindrops Keep Falling on My Head,” B. J. Thomas

• “We Don’t Talk About Bruno” from Encanto

Sometimes, it all feels like too much: too much responsibility, too many expectations, too much sensation, too many feelings, too much hyper-vigilance. In these moments, we can be enveloped by a feeling of overwhelm.

Sometimes, things really are just too much. Some things needs to give. Systems need to change.

And, sometimes we pause for a moment to scan our inner world and find that certain mindsets, storylines, and habitual patterns are exacerbating or even creating the sense of overwhelm. Perhaps there is an emotional undercurrent of turmoil related to past trauma, family patterns, or conditioning. Maybe our perfectionist is making every molehill into a mountain. Might we be resisting asking for or receiving help that could make a task more manageable?

In today’s episode, we explore ways to sort through the various pieces of the overwhelm puzzle to help us carve a path forward when we are feeling stumped and stranded.

Bit by bit, piece by piece, you can do it. We know you can.

Meaning making. Connecting to breath. Aligning with nature. So many actions, big and small, can help us dig a little deeper into the soil of time, anchor ourselves against the buffeting winds of change and demands, especially as we shift into a new season.  

We recorded this conversation in front of a live virtual audience of Patreon community members, opening up the second half of the episode for group discussion on the topic of rooting into autumn. 

We are so grateful to the insightful, compassionate members who added their wisdom about steadying ourselves amidst the busy-ness of autumn.

How will you send some energy to your roots today?

References:

Rooted, by Lyanda Lynn Haupt

We often resist doing things that we know are good for us—including inner work. We attend one therapy session and then stop showing up. We drag our heels on the way to yoga class. We let our journal grow dusty in the corner. Our resistance to change and to effort gets the best of our intention to grow.

Today, we are exploring some of the voices and characters of resistance—including the inner child, inner teenager, and Wise Self—as well as the hidden benefits within resistance. How can we work with the energy of digging in our heels or pushing up against something hard, and learn to embrace its vital role in our personal journey? This is what we are unpacking in today’s episode.

References:

• Sheryl’s upcoming course: Break Free from Anxiety: A 9-Month Course on the Art of Living (registration open now; course starts September 22, 2024)
• Sheryl’s book The Wisdom of Anxiety
• A League of Their Own  (1992)

By nature or nurture, or some combination of the two, some of us are chronically risk averse–especially if we struggle with anxiety. While some cautiousness can be healthy, extreme risk aversion can keep us from engaging with the world deeply, living our values, and just plain enjoying life.

By taking risks, we learn more about ourselves and the world. And by learning more about ourselves and the world, we learn how to take more intentional, skillful, and enriching risks. 

In today’s episode, we explore some of the inner templates that make it challenging for us to take risks, and how we can reframe healthy risk-taking as an exciting part of life and an essential part of personal growth. 

References:

• Gathering Gold Patreon Community
• Recent episodes: “Why It’s Hard to Receive Good Things,” “Adding Good Things,” and “Living IRL”
• Perennials Podcast episode “Lights Up with Felicia Russell”

Our relationship with screens, digital devices, and online media is complicated. We can gain so much valuable information and connection in a more accessible way, but we can also get sucked into a vortex of information overload, analysis paralysis, social comparison, and doom scrolling. 

In today’s episode, we discuss using our devices as tools to help us engage more deeply with the world, not as substitutes for living. We also discuss some of the blocks and obstacles that make it difficult to disengage with with online world: discomfort, awkwardness, and fear, to name a few. And we talk about the importance of living our values through intentional action, not just vicariously.

Whether planting a seed in a pot, having a courageous conversation with a loved one, or visiting a new city, we can always try something new and see what happens. We invite you to reflect with us on your own values and desires to engage with life IRL.

In our last episode, we talked about why it can be hard to receive good things. Today, we are discussing the importance of actively adding good things to our lives. 

It can be easy to focus on all of the problems, challenges, and hardships we are facing, and to assume that if we could just remove those, then we could experience a greater sense of wellbeing. And while there are certainly times to focus on removal of things that are hurting us, there is also great power in pouring our attention into adding goodness: adding more fruits and vegetables onto our plate, adding more visits with friends, adding encouraging thoughts into our inner dialogue. And sometimes, we find that the more good things we add, the easier it is for old painful habits to fall away. 

This can, of course, bring up feelings of “easier said than done.” In today’s episode, we discuss how to work with some of the obstacles to adding good things, from self-judgment to low motivation. 

References:

• Recent Gathering Gold episodes: “Summer Solstice” and “Why it’s Hard to Receive Good Things”
• Pema Chödrön, “No big deal”
• Rob Bell’s podcast 
• Acceptance and Commitment Therapy
• The Many Lives of Mama Love, by Lara Love Hardin
• Sheryl’s book, The Wisdom of Anxiety
• Carl Rogers’ teaching on unconditional positive regard

Today’s episode was requested by one of our lovely Patreon members, who asked us to talk about why it can be hard to receive good things, and how to do so with more ease.

In this conversation, we discuss some of the stumbling blocks to the unfettered gratitude that we desire: blocks including guilt, shame, fear, and distrust. And, we discuss how we can orient ourselves towards more receptivity, reciprocity, courage, and openheartedness.

References:

• It’s a Wonderful Life (1946)
• Robin Wall Kimmerer’s upcoming book, The Serviceberry: Abundance and Reciprocity in the Natural World
• Gilmore Girls
• Perennials Episode 61: Embracing Weakness with Shannon K Evans

We continue our deep dive into themes from Sheryl’s new audio collection Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, with an exploration of the terrifying undertow of panic attacks. 

Sheryl shares how panic attacks have grabbed her in the ocean, in elevators, while driving, and at nightfall. She introduces the Greek mythological Pan, and gives us a sneak peek into how she befriended the god of pandemonium, which she unpacks in more depth in Thresholds. 

We talk about the subtle shades of light and shadow that can evoke panic, and the roots of trauma from which panic may grow. And we discuss how both on-the-spot tools and deep therapeutic work can help us to move through fear and into life.

For 10% off your purchase of Thresholds, enter code Gold10 at check out.

Patrons of Gathering Gold can receive 20% off with a code that we shared on our Patreon page.

References:

• Pan: the Greek god
• Dare, by Barry McDonagh
• “Imagine,” by John Lennon
• “All Things Must Pass,” by George Harrison

Sheryl and Victoria take a pause from exploring themes of Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, in order to honor the Summer Solstice. 

Sheryl explains why it is so important to honor these season portals, and receive their goodness. Sheryl and Victoria reflect on their previous episode about Summer from three years ago, and discuss why Sheryl was so focused on loss, nostalgia, and grief at that time. Victoria unpacks how she has grown stronger in using her voice since that episode aired.

Together, Sheryl and Victoria lean into the joyful, abundant, and juicy invitations of summer, while acknowledging the diversity of thematic invitations that each season holds.

References:

• Gathering Gold episode about Summer from June 2021

   

• Find the exact time of Summer Solstice where you are

   

• Gathering Gold Patreon Summer Solstice Meet-Up: June 23

   

• The Power of the Pause episode

   

• The Hidden Gifts in Slowing Down episode

   

• Sheryl’s first book, The Conscious Bride

   

• Patreon visualization: Practice Joy

Sheryl has entered a new era in her parenting life: an era of letting go.

Today’s episode continues a series exploring themes from Sheryl’s new audiobook, Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, with a conversation about parenting. As Sheryl’s sons have grown into teenagers, and one has flown the nest (…literally!), Sheryl has welcomed grief, gratitude, and new beginnings. 

Offering personal stories about some of the hardest and most joyful moments in her midlife parenting journey, Sheryl reminds parents to turn towards trust—trust in their children, in Mother Earth, and in life’s unfolding. 

Thresholds is available now! 

References:

• Sheryl’s Trust Yourself course
• The Frugal Friends podcast, episode “How to Keep Your Garden Alive with Nicole Johnsey Burke”

Today, we’re announcing an exciting new offering from Sheryl: a beautiful audiobook entitled Thresholds: Reflections at Midlife, which will be available next month! 

In today’s episode, we share sneak peeks and talk about the seeds of inspiration for this compendium of dreams, poems, stories, and reflections. We discuss myths about midlife, a major decision that Sheryl faced about the direction of her work, and themes of visibility, vitality, self-trust, and leaning into a more feminine way. 

References:

• The Red Tent, by Anita Diamant
• Circle of Stones, by Judith Duerk

Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair. Rupture and repair.

This is the rhythm of all close relationships—even the relationship between Sheryl and Victoria, as we discuss (gingerly, with care) in today’s episode.

In any relationship, if we get close enough, we will eventually experience a rupture. We make mistakes, we let each other down, we hurt, and then, with courage, self-awareness, and a foundation of love, we can heal.

Yet it is no small task to skillfully traverse ruptures and repairs. As Sheryl explains in today’s episode, “we become de-sensitized to the experience of a guarded heart, and we skirt away from doing whatever is required to bring us back to full trust and full closeness.”

Through deeply personal stories of her own experiences in this realm, Sheryl shares some of the guiding principles that can help us to navigate our differences with honesty and love, and find our way back to each other.

References:

• Being Well podcast episode with Sue Johnson
• Dialectical Behavior Therapy
• Mindfulness

The wild has been banished, pushed to the edges of civilization, pushed to the edges of psyche. Wolves and coyotes, bears and bobcats, rage and sexuality and messiness and imperfection have all been relegated to the outskirts.

We long for wildness. We long for freedom and aliveness, creativity and authenticity.

And yet, we might also fear wildness—the way it can control us. The way we can burn others and be burned by it.

How do we get in touch with our wild parts, and integrate them with the rest of us? How do we find healthy containers in which to explore our creativity, our dreams, our true voice, our boundaries?

This is what we are exploring in today’s episode.

References:

Women Who Run with the Wolves: Myths and Stories of the Wild Woman Archetype, by Clarissa Pinkola Estés

Tell All the Truth but Tell It Slant, Emily Dickinson

Doubt (2008)

Everything Belongs podcast episode: “The First Half of Life”

Silvy Khoucasian (Relationship Coach): Instagram handle 

Join our Patreon community: https://www.patreon.com/gatheringgold

In today’s episode, we hear a very special guest’s story of managing fertility anxiety while trying to conceive for many months. Sarah shares her experience of desperately wanting to get pregnant and deeply fearing it would never happen.

Along the way, we discuss finding supportive healthcare providers, learning to navigate sex when trying to conceive, meeting our own or our partner’s ambivalence about parenthood, and more.

Sarah Koestner is a transformational life coach who was a beloved moderator on Sheryl’s online forum for many years. You can learn mare about her and her coaching work at www.sarahkoestner.com/

References:

• Pachamama
• Perennials Episode: True Love with Sarah Koestner

In today’s episode, Sheryl reflects on the liminal time between winter and spring, and the way that this season emphasizes a certain truth about life: that joy and grief are intimately, irrevocably connected. That we experience not grief, then joy, not life, then death, but all of it, together, always. 

“We think linearly–but maybe, that’s not how time, and grief, and memory co-exist. And it’s spring that reveals these cross-sections.”

References:

• Sheryl’s blog post “Fear Distorts Perception”

The spring equinox is a moment of symmetry and balance; the sun sits exactly above the equator, and we experience an equal amount of daylight and darkness.

In today’s episode, Sheryl shares her thoughts on the spiritual experience of symmetry, and how fractals in nature convince her that this world is one of not only chaos, but also order—and why that matters so much to highly sensitive people.

We also discuss the yin and yang nature of seasons, the beauty in asymmetry, and how a healthy relationship with rituals and repetition can help us find and make meaning.

References:

Quote from Madeleine L’Engle’s A Swiftly Tilting Planet.

Nature journal article “Why Symmetry Matters,” by Mario Livio

The Age of Adeline (2015)

Groundhog Day (1993)

How Stuff Works article “Why Do We Get So Much Pleasure from Symmetry?” by Dave Roos

The Accidental Universe: The World You Thought You Knew, by Alan Lightman

Today’s episode was inspired by a recent post that Sheryl shared on Instagram about trauma collisions in longterm relationships.

In this conversation, we explore what trauma collisions are (and are not), how they differ from arguments, and how we can become more mindful and skillful in responding to them.

Sheryl underscores the role of self-awareness in uncovering the understory of a trauma collision, finding compassion for ourselves and our partners, and creating new, healthier patterns.

We discuss demon dances, childhood wounds, and the core human longing for both separateness and intimacy.

References:

• Sheryl’s IG post about trauma collisions
• Love and Awakening, John Welwood
• Essay “Intimate Relationship as Transformative Path” by John Welwood
• A Little Book on the Human Shadow, Robert Bly
• Emotionally-Focused Therapy (EFT)
• Attachment theory
• Hold Me Tight, Sue Johnson
• Sue Johnson’s workbooks and video series
• Rilke quote about those in marriage being “the guardian of the other’s solitude.”

You just sat down with a cup of tea and a good book. You’re deeply invested in the plot and sinking into glorious alone time, when suddenly, you hear footsteps. Your partner appears in the room.

“What’s for dinner?” they ask.

Your entire body is instantly flooded with one feeling: irritation.

It’s a feeling that we all have from time to time, including with the people we love most in the world: our partners, family members, and friends. And yet, we can easily feel jolted by irritation or annoyance. “Oh no,” we might say to our selves. “What’s wrong with me/them/our relationship that I feel this way? Aren’t I supposed to always feeling loving, patient, and kindly towards them?”

In today’s episode, we’re exploring irritation in relationships, and what it might be pointing to when our skin crawls in response to the way our partner loads the dishwasher—or, God forbid, when a parent asks, “How was your day?”

And of course, we look for the gold shimmering just underneath this seemingly ungracious emotion.

References:

Sheryl’s blog post: “When You Feel Irritated with Your Partner”

The month of January is named after the Roman god Janus: the god of the doorway. Janus was said to have two faces: one looking ahead, and one looking behind. 

We are now in the liminal month of January, moving between two years and looking forward and backward just like Janus. In today’s episode, Sheryl encourages us to meet this liminality with curiosity and compassion. Though we may feel off-kilter and groundless, though we may be full of questions, there is gold to gather in this month of doorways.

What doorways might you meet this month? What gold might you gather?

References:

• Sheryl’s blog post “January: the Liminal Month”
• The Nature of Reading book shop
• Looking for the Hidden Folk, by Nancy Marie Brown
• The Re-enchantment of Everyday Life, by Thomas Moore

In today’s episode, we return gently to sacred ground: the ground of our sexuality.

Last January, we explored what it means to own our sexual sovereignty through reclaiming our right and ability to say no. Today, we begin uncovering our inherent yes, which was likely shamed early in our lives.

Sheryl encourages us to gently orient ourselves back towards our innate curiosity, belief in our own goodness, and appreciation for our bodies and beauty. We embrace the power of sharing stories of early sexual exploration, as participants of Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course do throughout the program. And we reflect on the importance of making room for fear, seeking out helpful educational materials, and finding our own unique relationship to sexuality, not trying to fit into an externally-prescribed template.

Learn more about Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course, which starts January 13th, on her website.

References:

• Last year’s Gathering Gold “Sexual Sovereignty” episode
• Sheryl’s Sacred Sexuality course
• Sheryl’s blog post, “We Have Forgotten Who We are” https://conscious-transitions.com/we-have-forgotten-who-we-are/
• The Chalice and the Blade, by Riane Eisler
• Barbie film (2023)
• Beautiful Dreamers film (1990)
• Walt Whitman
• Gathering Gold “Fairy Tales by the Fireside” episode
• Come as You Are: The Surprising New Science that Will Transform Your Sex Life, by Emily Nagoski
• Sex Talks: The Five Conversations That Will Transform Your Love Life, by Vanessa Marin
• Emily Dickinson poem, “Tell All the Truth But Tell It Slant”