Live the Questions

I recently came across the following in a book called “The Middle Passage” by James Hollis:

“What the frightened individual wishes above all is the restoration of the sense of self which once worked. What the therapist knows is that the symptoms are helpful clues to the place of injury or neglect, pointing the way to subsequent healing… As Jung asserted, ‘The outbreak of neurosis is not just a matter of chance. As a rule it is most critical. It is usually the moment when a new psychological adjustment, a new adaptation is demanded.’ This implies that our own psyche has organized this crisis, produced this suffering, precisely because injury as been done and change must occur.” pp. 36-7

You can see the philosophy from which I hail, yes? James Hollis is a Jungian analyst who writes from the depth psychological tradition, a field of psychology developed by Carl Jung many decades ago. What Hollis is saying is what I write about all the time in my work: that our symptoms – our anxiety, depression, intrusive thoughts, somatic obsessions, insomnia – are organized and delivered by psyche exactly when it’s time for us to grow. When we get rid of the symptom without taking time to discover and uncover the underlying messages, not only do we miss the opportunity for growth and healing but the message will have to find another way to grab our attention, what I call the whack-a-mole phenomena. This is because our unconscious, the guiding principle of our lives, desires only one thing from us: to grow toward wholeness. Everything we experience that we call suffering is designed to further this aim. So if we don’t get the message from the first symptom, it will grab our attention in another way.

The problem isn’t the suffering itself; the problem is how we regard it. If we think we’re being tortured because we’re suffering from insomnia or heart palpitations or any other exceedingly uncomfortable manifestation of anxiety – if we buy into the cultural mis-message that because we’re struggling “something is wrong” – we will run to the doctor and seek the fastest method to take away the suffering. But when we understand that our symptoms are evidence that something is right, that our psyche is working to our benefit exactly as planned, then we might slow down the process and take some time to sink into the inquiry of what the messages might be.

In order to sink into the process of discovery, we must be willing to spend more time initially asking questions than receiving answers. Rilke’s famous words to his 19-year old protege in 1903 can be a guiding light and principle during this phase of exploration:

“I want to beg you, as much as I can, dear sir, to be patient toward all that is unsolved in your heart and to try to love the questions themselves like locked rooms and like books that are written in a very foreign tongue. Do not now seek the answers, which cannot be given you because you would not be able to live them. And the point is, to live everything. Live the questions now. Perhaps you will then gradually, without noticing it, live along some distant day into the answer.”

Herein lies the challenge of our times: we are forgetting how to wait. In other eras, we had to wait to get to the library in order to research information. We had to wait to receive correspondences through the mail. We had to wait to receive mail-order packages, or we had to wait to find the product locally. The internet changed all of that. And when we lose the skill of waiting in our outer life, our inner life follows suit, which means that when we’re struggling, we expect immediate relief and we expect to the find the answers now.

Yet, as I teach repeatedly, there’s nothing fast or easy about inner work. Patience is paramount. We must be willing to tolerate not knowing, which is one of the most challenging experiences for humans to tolerate. I remember when I was going through a transformative time and I sat in my therapist’s office desperately longing for her to give me an answer. I said, “I have no idea what psyche is trying to tell me,” and she responded, “Exciting, isn’t it?” I didn’t feel excited. I felt full of the immense discomfort of the “not knowing” stage of growth. I felt psychologically itchy and antsy, like the snake about to shed its skin or the butterfly trying to emerge from the chrysalis. And I had been feeling that way for months.

But I tried to remember that when we rush to an answer too quickly, we get into trouble. It’s the ego that thinks it needs definite answers in order to feel okay. It’s the psyche – our Wise Self – that knows that life is infinitely more nuanced and subtle than the ego would like us to believe. When we surrender into the nuance, when live into the questions, when we find some patience for the process of unfolding a new aspect of ourselves then, paradoxically, an “answer” or a clear direction often appears. In due time, and with true inner work, we find our way.

37 comments to Live the Questions

  • NG

    So Sheryl.. I have this naggy questions about whether my friends live my husband. Its like questions after questions. My ego like has to know that they like him and it bothers me. How can I 1.) not care 2.) move past needing answeres.

  • Endofmyteather

    Hi Sheryl!

    Thank you ever so much for your work. I can’t believe how dedicacted you are to produce these articles every week. I hope I can find purpose and drive like tgis one day, knowing that you also honor restoration and the feminine and not just go go go achieve prove gain. These past few weeks something has turned in me. My relationship anxiety is gone. Even if its there i choose not to buy into it. Funny thing is now all the anxiety surrounding me, my pace, feelimgs od expextation and low self esteem are just out of control. Im owning my pain instead or pushing it on to him. Im doing the work now for me, not him. Even though im in agony with anxiety symptoms i feel like im willing to listen for the sake of my essence and my birth right. It feels good and im ready for the pain and uncertainty. I’m in on the 6 month challenge even though it feels impossible. I’ve started journaling even though I think its really hard. I have been using mind maps and symbols which is working well

    Have a beautiful week and I hope everyone gets a regukar moment to revel in the gentle autumn light and icy air 🙂

  • lovingkindness

    “What the frightened individual wishes above all is the restoration of the sense of self which once worked”

    Wow, what a quote, and quite timely for me. I have been feeling like this since engagement. Feeling internally uncomfortable, although not anxious, but thinking back to before dating my partner and before dissolving of the friendship and how much happier I was. It’s all rose tinted glasses – what I didn’t see was the self criticism and projection that put me at odds with others or the dependence on the opinions of certain people for self worth or the absurd definition of love that I had. Now it’s all growth and good things…. but there is a part of me that just aches for this ignorance-is-bliss state of existence. Waves of self criticism and imagined/real criticism for others are just pummeling me and it’s hard to get out from under them.

    Gosh, growing is such hard work!

  • Angela

    Hi Sheryl,
    Such a beautiful post❤️ Patience is key and time does give you the healing that is required. We are not our negative thoughts, we are ALL magnificent human beings. Our mind is beautiful much more than we think. Its such a good feeling knowing this now. Jon Kabat- Zinzn has an app on mindfulness. So incredibly life changing his knowledge about our mind. Breathtaking and so inspirational. 😘🤗

  • Vany311

    I am glad I read this article today Sheryl! I bought you e-course two weeks ago and it’s been giving me pretty good insight in to learn how to deeply love. I’m not going to lie yesterday and today I have felt closed! And the feeling of me lying to him is what makes the sensation in my heart and my body worse. But I don’t want to keep running, I ran 6 years ago because I did not know what it was. And now I want to run again. Reading this encourage me to have patience! I had enough patience to endure the pain after I broke up with my boyfriend 6 years ago. And now patience to embrace and learn what this anxiety is telling me this time. I don’t want to keep running. Thank you!

  • Vany311

    I am glad I read this article today Sheryl! I bought you e-course two weeks ago and it’s been giving me pretty good insight in to learn how to deeply love. I’m not going to lie yesterday and today I have felt closed! And the feeling of me lying to him is what makes the sensation in my heart and my body worse. But I don’t want to keep running, I ran 6 years ago because I did not know what it was. And now I want to run again. Reading this encourage me to have patience! Even though is my heart and mind feels like it’ll never end.

  • Aino

    Dear Sheryl, what a wonderful post and I absolutely love that James Hollis quote, it really resonates with me. Thank you for bringing it to my knowledge! My first “outbreak of neurosis” occurred when I was five years old, the next serious one at the age of eleven (after reading your work I now recognize that it was the first of my many “dark nights of the soul” :)) and by the time I was seventeen I decided with great determination that it was time to investigate what’s the message behind all these intrusive thoughts and symptoms, that had caused me so much suffering ever since my childhood. I have worked really hard and my inner work has been my passion and number one priority for over a decade now (I am now 34 years old), but my anxiety is still keeping me tightly in its grip, maybe even more so than ever (somehow it has become like a permanent state of being). I am trying to stay patient, but naturally when months turn into years and years into ten years and more, it’s sometimes hard to have faith. Nowadays I feel like in addition to constant fear, anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I also have to deal with daily feelings of frustration, hopelessness and just plain exhaustion, which makes the everyday life even more challenging. After reading that James Hollis quote, I was wondering, if my stuck point has something to do with the fact that I still haven’t found my way “to the place of injury or neglect”, despite all these years of journaling and therapy, praying and breathing. I have always thought that my symptoms aren’t a sign of anything being “wrong” (for example with my childhood) and that my intrusive thoughts are just a result of me being a sensitive and analytical person, but something in the line “–our own psyche has produced this suffering precisely because injury has been done and change must occur” really resonates with me and got me thinking, if there indeed has been some kind of “injury” and what could it be. If you have any words of wisdom or advice for those of us, who have suffered for many, many years, they would be highly appreciated. Many blessings to you and thank you for your work.

    • Thank you for your important comment, Aino, and I’ll answer here as best as I can without knowing the full extent of your story. I actually almost qualified that line by saying something like “anxiety can occur without a specific or obvious trauma”, as I have many people who come to my work and either have no memory of specific injury or describe their childhood as basically loving and happy. So it’s possible that there’s a specific trauma that you haven’t landed on it – that there are more subtle patterns or even intergenerational trauma that you haven’t touched into yet – but it’s also possible that you haven’t learned how to rewire the neural pathways that cause you to gravitate toward negative thinking. If you’d like further guidance about your specific story you might consider a coaching session with me:

      • Aino

        Thank you for your loving answer to my comment, I really appreciate it! And thank you for giving insight into what could be possible causes behind this kind of long-term anxiety. If you ever feel like writing a whole article about this theme, I would love to learn more about i (or maybe you already have?). I am currently working with a good therapist, but I will definitely consider your coaching sessions at some point.

  • Sarah

    Hi Sheryl,

    What a beautiful, heart-opening post. One of my favourites so far. I am deeply uncomfortable with the in-between place, but through patience and love, I am getting better at it.. one step at a time. Thank you for radiating your love outwards. xoxo

  • M

    Hi Sheryl,

    Your work is brilliant and I couldn’t thank you enough. I’m planning on purchasing your e-course by the end of the year, but I just wanted to thank you. I’ve always been a high-stress individual and looking back at my past, anxiety has always plagued me in some way or another.

    Last December, my anxiety spiked badly in terms of my relationship. I was crying every day and truly felt like I had lost myself, and my anxiety truly tried to make me believe that my loving, kind, and selfless boyfriend of 3 years was the problem.

    I found your posts at the beginning of this year and have been reading them every single week (and realistically every single day) and now almost a full year later — my loving, kind, and selfless boyfriend of almost 4 years asked me to marry him last week and I felt such peace when I let out a confident YES!

    I know this will be a long journey and I definitely still have hard days and even weeks, but by turning inward and working on myself and learning to embrace uncertainty, I truly look forward to embracing all of my gray areas.

  • Meredith

    Dear Sheryl, it’s always such a comfort to see you in my inbox on Sundays 🙂 With your help my relationship anxiety has majorly abated. Now, my husband and I are looking to buy our first apartment, and I’ve noticed that same icky “not knowing” feeling comes up when we see a place that has its fair share of pros/cons. I get triggered by this state because it reminds me of the relationship anxiety that I so badly suffered with, and my ego wants to answer all my questions about my loving husband all over again. I am trying to be kind to myself by saying things like “the past is the past, and you make decisions differently now because you have different knowledge” and “feelings aren’t facts.” I hope this is the right path to rewiring these innate, fearful responses that I guess aren’t as far behind me as I thought they were!

  • Kata

    I find your message about anxiety triggered by needing to know all the answers right away to be so true for me. I feel that this ties in well with your message last week about taking the time to do the work that is going to help. Just yesterday I felt the need to schedule an extra appointment with my therapist as the holidays are approaching because I hate how I feel judged by my family for who I picked to be my husband. In this moment of needing to hear from someone else that I am okay for the decision I made, I took time to really reassure myself. I did the work of facing my anxiety by reflecting and journaling out my conflicting ego and self thoughts. Each time I take the time to slow down and engage in activities that help me trust myself, I am reminded that I have all I need to be at peace. A phrase I am repeating to myself often lately is, “There is no one ‘right way’ to do things” Just saying this makes me feel lighter. Thanks for your weekly articles, they help to remind me to slow down.

  • Marlene

    Your quote from Rilke is one of the first things my current therapist sent me after one of our first sessions. I’m still doing my best to “live the questions now” although I don’t always succeed and I get impatient. Thank you for this perfect reminder. xx

  • Sarah

    Beautiful article, Sheryl! Your approach and perspective of Jung resonate with me deeply. It is a practice learning how to sit with the questions with open hands waiting for the timing for the answers to unfold. There have been a few things I have been holding as open-ended questions over the last several years. I’ve had piriformis tightness off and on since my teens, and more discomfort on the right side of my body than the left. Nothing major, but enough to get my attention. I’ve worked with this in many ways, and have been asking what is this really about for a long time, trying to understand the mind-body connection within these experiences. Last weekend, and ah-ha moment sunk in in regards to both, that was catalyzed by the wisdom shared in your Trust Yourself program. I could see their interconnectedness, and how “turning outward” (the function of the piriformis), and learning to let go of my perfectionist roots (doing the “right” thing…hence the knots and tightness on my right side) where tied to both experiences, using their metaphorical language to communicate with me. I had been seeking this insight for years of what it could be about. And now, after about 13 years of waiting, a path to deeply healing it has revealed. Perhaps learning to wait was also part of the healing too, in learning how to surrender of the instant reward of “getting it”. Anyhoo, I am very grateful for your work, and the Trust Yourself program. As I continue to turn inward for love, and shed the ripples from living to be “right”, I look forward to seeing how this translated into my body. Thank you for being a kind, loving guide and presence on this path to truly knowing ourselves. <3 Hope you have a beautiful Thanksgiving.

  • Brittany

    My stress and anxiety about my fiancé has been through the roof lately. Nothing is helping at this point. I feel sick to my stomach. I’ve tried to read the blogs and event the materials in the classes. I feel like this time it really is my gut saying not to marry this man. I don’t feel like I have a connection to him any more. We’ve been together for almost 7 years, almost 8 by the time we get married. I’m terrified of making the wrong decision. I’m terrified of letting our families down. I’m terrified to losing the man of my dreams. When I picture our future together I’m so scared. It doesn’t feel right any more. I feel like nobody in my life understands so I can’t talk to them about it. I do wonder if it’s part of seasonal depression. I started feeling like this last fall. I’m not excited for the holidays. I have to put on a happy face for everyone. Maybe I’m just projecting all of that on to him as well. My therapist told me I should look into being on medicine but I’m afraid it will just cover up my true feelings/intuition. I don’t know what to do any more. I’m exhausted and tired of trying to figure it out and constantly look for signs if we’re meant to be together or not.

  • Megan

    My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 7 years now. We’ve transitioned from living with his parents, moving out in an apartment together, back to living with my mom, and finally, buying a house together, which we’ve lived in for almost a year now. We started dating right out of high school so we’ve basically grown up together and it’s not always been easy. About a month and a half ago everything changed for me. My boyfriend got a new job and went from working 6 days a week from 8am-8pm to now 5 days a week from 8am-5pm. The transition was stressful but I was thrilled to be able to spend more time with him. The next week after he started his new job, I had a job interview and I was stressed to the max. I was interviewing for a position that was outside of my comfort zone but had some great advantages. I stressed myself out preparing and felt like I had not idea what I was doing. I nearly had a panic attack the night before and right before the interview. All went well and I “unofficially” knew I had the position the next day. All of this change was great but, at the end of the day, change is still change. I could feel myself tense but truly thought I was handling all of it well… Until one night, I woke up at 4 (which is common when I’m beginning to feel anxious), and I immediately thought of a random saying that I heard before that “if you wake up in the middle of the night, that means someone is thinking about you.” This sent me into a tailspin. I began to panic with all of the racing thoughts going through my head, “are you making the right decision?” “are you sure you’re not supposed to be with someone else?” and then I started thinking about someone from my past. About 3-4 years ago, I had a co-worker who began to like me. He was very open about it while I was very open that I was in a committed, happy relationship and ha no intentions of that changing. He was very persistent and eventually wore me down. There was distance in my relationship with my boyfriend and I was getting attention elsewhere. Nothing was ever physical and I never spoke to the co-worker about my relationship but it did get to the point of where I was talking to the co-worker frequently and hiding it from my boyfriend, even staying after work for hours talking to him. For months I persisted that I was not going to leave my boyfriend while my co-worker and our co-workers tried to convince me that my relationship was wrong and I would be perfect with my co-worker. A friendship grew between my co-worker and I and he filled the distance between my boyfriend and I. My co-worker began to pressure me about whether or not I was going to leave my boyfriend and I would avoid answering because I didn’t know what to do. Some days I felt like I had to leave because my boyfriend and I were so distant and unhappy at the time but I could never bring myself to do it because I knew deep down that I loved him and it was worth waiting and working through such a hard time. After multiple attempts to get me to make a decision, my co-worker gave me one last ultimatum and, with tear-filled eyes, I told him that I couldn’t and wouldn’t leave my boyfriend. He was upset and told me that I was making a mistake and I replied that we may have a chance if our paths crossed in the future and the timing was right- that comment is haunting me now. Work was difficult after that, he started dating someone who also worked in the same company and they eventually left so he could go back to school but everything was messy and I don’t feel like there was ever any closure. Ever since then, I’ve thought about him from time to time and kept up with him and his girlfriend on Facebook on at least a quarterly basis. Days after the ultimatum, my boyfriend went through my phone and found out about everything and he was rightfully hurt and felt betrayed. It was a tough road but we made it through together and came out stronger than before. All of these things have made my doubts worse. I think, “what if I’m supposed to be with my coworker?” “I wonder if he thinks about me too and, if so, does that ‘mean’ something?” “what if I did make a mistake?” And then I begin to feel guilty. Before all of the change, I never really questioned whether or not I was supposed to be with my coworker, I just wondered how he was and my relationship was great. We’re comfortable, we trust, support, and love each other. We have fun together and he can make me laugh like no one else can.

    I apologize for the long post but I felt like I needed to detail all of these things because it’s so hard to differentiate between the intrusive thoughts and the feelings. I’ve tried to remind myself that they are just intrusive thoughts but sometimes they just feel so real. I’ve almost broke up with my boyfriend several times but I don’t want to but I get so overwhelmed that I feel like I have to.

    I’m also going to a therapist weekly and have been since these thoughts began. I’ve had a spike of anxiety once before but it was more so related to myself not feeling like I was good enough to do my job at work. My therapist doesn’t really acknowledge ROCD but she is sensitive to my fears. We started EMDR yesterday to help me get through this but my biggest fear is that it will reveal that I don’t want to be with my boyfriend and that is a terrifying thought.

    • You’re suffering from classic relationship anxiety. Please read through my site in its entirety and consider the e-course. You’ll quickly learn that there’s no reason to leave your loving relationship and that the thoughts about the co-worker are an escape fantasy to prevent you from feeling the current messy feelings initiated by the multiple transitions that you’re in.

  • Megan

    Thank you for your response. I’m slowly making my way through the site. I did read over something about “knowing deep down that your partner wasn’t right for you” and I’m beginning to question if that’s how I feel because of the comment that I made to the co-worker. All of these thoughts are relentless.

  • Mary

    Dear all,
    After having relationship anxiety in my previous relationship (which ended 2 years ago not by me, but because he was doubting and could not handle it), I recognize the same patterns in my new relationship. I remember meeting him this summer and thinking that all the pieces of the puzzle fell into place. He is available, vulnerable and sweet and we have the same sense of humor and a great connection. One day I was scared that he would reject me, after telling him something about my health, which I thought would be something why people wouldn’t love me. But he showed up the next day and wanted to be with me anyway. This made me so happy and sure about his intentions. But I also recognized my inner self, turning on this feeling. I almost heared my ego say directly: ‘Nope watch out, do not start liking him too much’. Since this was a very stressful week at work and I just returned from my holiday, it was a really discomforting week overall and that fueled my anxiety. Since I recognized this, I am still with this great guy 3 months later, but it has not been easy (ups and downs). I am realizing that in my previous relationship I was looking for a quickfix and actually still am. Went to a mindfulness training, reading here and talking to people.. But I realize that I am nog living the questions and accepting the thoughts. I am looking for anwers, signs, analyzing situations, imagining him/ our relationship and testing my feelings. I started my (meditation) journal yesterday and started challenging myself in this field. Live with the questions and feelings, not testing and analyzing.

    What I am struggling with is the fact that my surroundings are sensing that something is wrong. I was always the friend who was always present and proactive in friendship. Since this happened I am often very tired and sad and have drawn my boundaries in how much activities I can handle in one week(end). I know my friends will recognize this and will blame my relationship.. I can handle my own thoughts and strictness most of the times, but I cannot handle the way people may perceive it. They will probably think that I am better of without him.. but I know that this is something within me and will return in every relationship. I just want to be my old self again for my friends aswell…
    Do any of you have recommendations to keep other people’s opinions outside and how I can make sure people don’t think my wonderful boyfriend is the problem?

  • Liamb

    Hey sherlyI’m seeing this girl on off 3 years she incredible she funny sweet she quite good looking but no usual girl I would go for but she grew on me.. well last few months I got really sick pushed her away I got so sick just didn’t want be around anyone to be honest we didn’t see each other for 5 months but always texted back and forward but we met back up but this time around I’m having so many doubts like anxiety is saying to me there is another girl out there you don’t have same interests also she has a kid which is not mine is that red flag?? ive never met the kid to be honest I’m not going to lie I swore I’d never get with women who had a kid.. just taught it would be to much.. is it my believe that is holding me back from starting relationships I’m just so confused I get really bad intrusive thoughts wen I’m around her can’t even enjoy sex becausec off it I get really numb Also round her also this it first girl I have ever got close with like told her my secrets problem etc.. I also feels like I don’t have connection with her anymore but could that be from anxiety?? It’s like my mid is trying to find excuses to leave the relationship also picking out her flaws which pisses my off as I’m not person that does that hopefully I can get reply and you can help me

  • agnes

    Although I can handle anxiety relatively well now – in fact, it doesn’t really feel like anxiety as in physical pain, more mental chatter – I notice myself hopping from obsession to obsession. For example, I am still experiencing pocd but I’m also getting really obsessed with money and shopping. I feel obsessed with the internet and so impatient with non-doing. I get obsessed with imperfections and defects (in the home and in my clothes and things I make etc.). I keep thinking about dying young too, or my parents dying and not seeing my children. It’s not a crippling worry, as I say, no physical pain with it, but it’s there. I think my mind and body have habituated to anxiety over the years. I SO want to understand what the pocd thoughts are trying to tell me. It’s so hard to remember that they’re intrusive thoughts and not just some genuine perversion I’m trying to squash 🙁 I know I want to have children but I won’t until I understand this more. I need to be able to say ‘aha, I know what this means’ and it not be the literal explanation.

    I’m so grateful for your work and you’ve taught me so much about what’s just ‘normal’; how to let myself think and feel without attaching meaning and most importantly, what real love looks and feels like. I’ve learned so so much and I’m so happy about that, but I’d love to have some success with this deeper work. I never seem to reach any conclusions about what my thoughts are telling me. There’s never a sense of having hit the spot. Especially with the worst of my intrusive thoughts, I really want to get what they’re signposting me to.

  • MB

    I’ve had relationship anxiety for almost 2 months now and after a week of almost constant anxiety, I’m now feeling emotionally numb besides occasional sadness. I’m only anxious from time to time but I don’t even feel like this is my life right now. I hardly have any feelings toward my boyfriend, which scares the crap out of me. It’s like I’m having to
    convince myself that I love him and I don’t even know how we’ve made it together for 7 years. Please help.

  • Fay

    Sheryl, I know you always hear this, but this was RIGHT on time! I’ve been in a liminal place for a little over year, but only in the past few months have a truly begun to understand what that means and what inner work is. I wish I knew earlier what was going on with me, I would have been able to start the inner work much sooner! It was a long and messy road to get to where I am now. Even if I’m not yet where I “want” to be, I’ve grown so much and don’t experience half the anxiety I used to. I just finished meditating, and was feeling bummed that my Self/body did not give me the “answers” I was looking for. I spun back down into thoughts of “I just want to feel certain again..I miss feeling sure…I miss inner peace…If only I had the answers to these questions, then I’d know what to do….If I had the answers, I’d feel better and everything would be fine…why don’t I have them yet after doing inner work?….what am I still missing?” Then I read this blog and was reminded that patience is key! Meditation is not some quick fix pill alternative. Prayer is not always a Q&A session. I was reminded that sitting with the feelings and not rushedly searching for the answers is normally when wisdom comes to me. I was reminded that accepting what I don’t know and being curious/trusting that the peace I seek will come, is exactly what I am supposed to do. Make friends with the discomfort, and trust the journey I’m on. Be thankful that the love in my life has pushed me beyond all that was familiar and comfortable, because on the other side of all the fear/uncertainty/discomfort, deep down I know that I’m experiencing the greatest growth I’ve ever known and am loving my new perspective far more than my old one!

  • El

    I am so thankful to have found your website, since reading your blog posts about relationship anxiety and confirming to me that it is a real thing, it’s been such a relief and it has reduced significantly. I was anxious before that if I had any thoughts like, do I love him or do I love him enough? (Even though I know I do!) that it meant that “something was wrong”. But I’m learning that was and sometimes is Fear mind talking. I’ve had quite a rough day today and when my partner and I were in bed he wanted to hug me which I used to love morehan anything but I didnt feel the same about having a hug I didnt really want one when before I wanted loads of hugs…. it’s making me a bit anxious incase this means something is wrong. What are your thoughts?

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