This collection explores the underbelly of the transition into marriage, specifically the fear and grief that arise on the precipice of making the biggest commitment of your life. For those prone to anxiety, this necessary and normal fear and grief can morph into projections onto one’s partner and the perseverations of, “Is this person right for me? Am I making a mistake? How do I know if I’m in love enough?”
Once those questions enter your mind, it’s easy to fall into the pervasive mindset of “doubt means don’t.” As long as you’re in a healthy, loving relationship, nothing could be further from the truth. In order to walk through the marriage transition consciously, you must learn how to name the projections, correct the cognitive distortions, and turn inward to feel the vulnerable feelings that live beneath the thoughts. This collection is a small sampling of the posts I’ve written specifically on this transition. The rest of the posts primarily occur in the early days of this blog, from 2009-2011.
To receive the complete roadmap that will offer you the information, tools, and support to guide you toward a peaceful wedding and help you lay the foundation on which to build a healthy marriage, see my Conscious Weddings E-Course.
There are a lot of questions that almost every client I have asks. Among them are: "Does it really have to be this hard?" and variations on that theme: "Why aren't my other friends and co-workers going through this?" Anxiety and doubt ache through the questions and...read more
Eventually, all of my clients and Conscious Weddings Course participants end up asking the same question: If I'm with such a great partner, why am I so terrified? It's an understandable question to ask when you have the sense that you've met the person with whom you...read more
Fear's entire mission in life is to keep you safe from the risk of loving. It sees love as a dangerous cesspool where the invisible sea creatures lurk beneath the dark surface, waiting to snatch you into their murky waters. Fear believes that if you risk your heart...read more
After reading through my site, many people are left with the question: If I can grow love and cultivate attraction, can I make a relationship work with any good and loving partner with whom I share values and vision? My short answer is: no. Let me explain. There's a...read more
My clients are always surprised, then relieved, to learn that thinking about an ex is a normal part of being engaged. As we spiral into deeper layers of transitions, our past comes floating to the surface of our thoughts, dreams, and emotional life. For some people,...read more
Thank you, ChristmasBride2006, for your willingness to share your wisdom with so many anxiously engaged women and men. I truly believe that it's your voice that see many of the forum members through their anxiety. *** Not that I am by any means a "seasoned" married...read more
Originally published on The Huffington Post. "Yes, for me the biggest dream is the fairytale. I will never give up on that dream,' Jennifer Lopez said when asked if she would ever marry again. With three divorces in her wake, I wonder how she defines "happily ever...read more
With grateful permission, I'm sharing this post from my E-Course forum. This will give you just a taste of the brilliant wisdom that often passes through the virtual doors of this very special forum via the words of the compassionate, supportive, wise women and men...read more
One of the defining characteristics of relationship anxiety is the propensity to perseverate on a "what if" question regarding the amount or legitimacy of your love for your partner. "What if I don't love him enough?" or "What if I'm not in love anymore?" or "What if...read more
Because the only love I experienced before being with A was the 'unrequited love' type, I can feel that I have something missing with him. I am not in pain with him, I do not think about him every second of the day, I do not crumble when he does not text me back. I...read more