Getting Married
This collection explores the underbelly of the transition into marriage, specifically the fear and grief that arise on the precipice of making the biggest commitment of your life. For those prone to anxiety, this necessary and normal fear and grief can morph into projections onto one’s partner and the perseverations of, “Is this person right for me? Am I making a mistake? How do I know if I’m in love enough?”
Once those questions enter your mind, it’s easy to fall into the pervasive mindset of “doubt means don’t.” As long as you’re in a healthy, loving relationship, nothing could be further from the truth. In order to walk through the marriage transition consciously, you must learn how to name the projections, correct the cognitive distortions, and turn inward to feel the vulnerable feelings that live beneath the thoughts. This collection is a small sampling of the posts I’ve written specifically on this transition. The rest of the posts primarily occur in the early days of this blog, from 2009-2011.
To receive the complete roadmap that will offer you the information, tools, and support to guide you toward a peaceful wedding and help you lay the foundation on which to build a healthy marriage, see my Conscious Weddings E-Course.
Anxious? You're One Of The Lucky Ones
There are a lot of questions that almost every client I have asks. Among them are: "Does it really have to be this hard?" and variations on that theme: "Why aren't my other friends and co-workers going through this?" Anxiety and doubt ache through the questions and...
Why Am I So Terrified?
Eventually, all of my clients and Conscious Weddings Course participants end up asking the same question: If I'm with such a great partner, why am I so terrified? It's an understandable question to ask when you have the sense that you've met the person with whom you...
The Top 10 Reasons to Leave Your Partner (According to Fear)
Fear's entire mission in life is to keep you safe from the risk of loving. It sees love as a dangerous cesspool where the invisible sea creatures lurk beneath the dark surface, waiting to snatch you into their murky waters. Fear believes that if you risk your heart...
Bye-Bye, Bachelor
When I was promoting my first book, The Conscious Bride, interviewers often asked, "What about men? Why don't you talk about "The Conscious Groom"? At the time, my answer was that, while women are conditioned to view the wedding and all that surrounds it (proposal,...
Can I Make It Work With Anyone?
After reading through my site, many people are left with the question: If I can grow love and cultivate attraction, can I make a relationship work with any good and loving partner with whom I share values and vision? My short answer is: no. Let me explain. There's a...
Are You Settling?
Alongside questions like, "Do we have enough chemistry?" and "What if I'm making a mistake?", my clients and e-course members are plagued by the question, "Am I settling?" Chemistry, mistake, and settling are powerful buzzwords in our culture and can easily lead even...
Engagement Anxiety and the Ex
My clients are always surprised, then relieved, to learn that thinking about an ex is a normal part of being engaged. As we spiral into deeper layers of transitions, our past comes floating to the surface of our thoughts, dreams, and emotional life. For some people,...
For The Anxiously Engaged: From ChristmasBride2006 on the Conscious Weddings Course Forum
Thank you, ChristmasBride2006, for your willingness to share your wisdom with so many anxiously engaged women and men. I truly believe that it's your voice that see many of the forum members through their anxiety. *** Not that I am by any means a "seasoned" married...
Relief from Relationship Anxiety: Guest Post from the E-Course Forum
Another inspiring post from a member of the E-Course Forum. I'm reprinting it here with grateful permission from the author. *** On the one year anniversary of getting engaged to M, I just wanted to drop back in and share some perspective that I've gained in the past...
The Dream of Happily Ever After
Originally published on The Huffington Post. "Yes, for me the biggest dream is the fairytale. I will never give up on that dream,' Jennifer Lopez said when asked if she would ever marry again. With three divorces in her wake, I wonder how she defines "happily ever...
Doubt and the Drug of Happiness
With grateful permission, I'm sharing this post from my E-Course forum. This will give you just a taste of the brilliant wisdom that often passes through the virtual doors of this very special forum via the words of the compassionate, supportive, wise women and men...
Falling Out of Love
It's a natural and inevitable stage of every relationship, whether with a friend, a partner, a child, or a pet: the zest and sparkle that characterize the early stages fade away; the ease and lightness narrow into more distance or tension; the openheartedness that...
Living God’s Will
I just received the following email, which is a question that I'm frequently asked both in sessions and on the E-Course forum: "I'm with a loving, wonderful partner but my anxiety started a few months into the relationship (once I realized that it was serious). We've...
What If I’m Only With My Partner Because…
One of the defining characteristics of relationship anxiety is the propensity to perseverate on a "what if" question regarding the amount or legitimacy of your love for your partner. "What if I don't love him enough?" or "What if I'm not in love anymore?" or "What if...
What Does it Really Mean to Be In Love?
Because the only love I experienced before being with A was the 'unrequited love' type, I can feel that I have something missing with him. I am not in pain with him, I do not think about him every second of the day, I do not crumble when he does not text me back. I...