I’m touching down into another layer of self-trust, listening closely to my Yeses and Nos, to the signals in my inner landscapes that let me know which aqueduct valves to close so that the underground waters are redirected from elements of outward service to inner well. With a few simple yet significant Nos, I can feel the well replenishing. My intention at this layer is to pay attention to my rhythm, to notice when I override my rhythm then course correct when possible.
It’s subtle, the language of the body. It’s a language that has been steamrolled and subjugated for centuries. I believe that we are all being asked to recover the nearly lost art and skill of listening to our bodies, remembering that the body is the bridge between earth and sky, between matter and spirit, and that along its bloodlines of vein and lineage of bone we are guided back to Self. Breath is an anchor. Belly is a compass. These bodies – these magnificent, miraculous bodies – are a map that can lead us to the buried treasure of self-trust that lives at the center of our beings.
Each of us is born with a unique rhythm, a soulprint that, when listened to, becomes the only North star we need in order to know how to live in alignment with our true self. Due to a variety of reasons, from parenting models that are rooted in overriding a child’s needs and rhythms to medical, religious, and educational paradigms that are predicated on the assumption that everyone knows better than you do, we learn very early on, often pre-verbally, how to distrust ourselves and hand over our sense of self to be approved of by others.
So here we are, a year and a half into what feels like an endless pandemic, where our lives as we’ve known them have been upended, and as I listen to my global audience I hear that self-doubt, world anxiety, career anxiety, health anxiety, relationship anxiety, and intrusive thoughts attached to all themes are at an all-time high. In light of this time of flux and heightened anxiety, it’s normal to have a flight response, which might look like anything from perseverating over small decisions to the impulse to make a drastic change. We might, as I’m experiencing, be receiving guidance to make changes in the rhythms of our lives, including our work lives. But when self-doubt is magnified, it can be challenging to make even small decisions and answer the #1 question when it comes to intrusive thoughts: Is this coming from clarity or is it coming from fear?
As I’ve written about extensively, transitions can be illuminating, which means that we’re being given an opportunity to see the habits, patterns, and beliefs that may not be serving us in high relief. And when we see the places that aren’t serving in high relief we might be called, from a place of clarity, to make change. But we can also misunderstand the clear-seeing and projected outwards, which might cause us to believe that something external needs to be changed; a job, a city, a house, a relationship.
Once again, the most important question becomes: Is the desire for change coming from flight/fear or from clarity? Being able to answer this question depends on self-trust.
Self-trust is the North Star. When self-trust intact and reclaimed, we step back into the center of ourselves and are able to trust our bodies, the messengers of truth. From this place of centered and trusting wisdom, we know how to move forward. We know how to make decisions both for ourselves and our children. And we trust that, contrary to the dominant cultural message that plays into an already loud inner perfectionist, there aren’t “right” or “wrong” decisions; there’s only learning and growing.
For those of you who struggle with relationship anxiety, the phrase “trusting your body” might trigger anxiety, for it’s often the body that registers doubt, irritation, lack of attraction, and all of the hallmark signs of relationship anxiety. And yet it’s exactly the process of learning to trust your body and yourself that allows you to turn the magnifying glass that over-focuses on your partner to the mirror that allows you to take responsibility for your own pain and wounds and heal the intrusive thoughts at the root.
As defenses continue to fall away during this time of heightened flux, we have a potent opportunity to explore, grow, and heal this ever-pressing topic and skill of self-trust. This is what my Trust Yourself program offers: a 30-day roadmap that guides you into the root of your self-doubt, attachment to approval, perfectionism, and difficulty making decisions so that you can retrieve the self-trust that was overridden long ago. This course has helped thousands of people reclaim the self-trust that is rightfully theirs, and I’m excited for it to guide you back to yours. The 16th round will start on October 16th, 2021, and I look forward to meeting you there.
This is exactly what I needed to read. I cannot wait to join you on this upcoming course!
I look forward to connecting with you there! ❤️
I am in a new relationship and I find listening to the subtle “yeses” and “no’s” to be challenging. When struggling with self-doubt, it’s hard to really trust these answers. When I am with my SO, I have a pervasive feeling of “this is not right. Something is not right”, followed by gut/heart wrenching feelings. I perceive these cues to be my “truth” and feel that it is necessary to leave because my intuition is telling me to do so. In the past, I have struggled with relationship anxiety and have come to equate relationship anxiety with a sign of the relationship not being a good fit. I also realize that when I am trying to discern my yes/no from an anxious state, I’m likely to come up with answers from a place of fear-all which say to leave. Wondering if you have any insights on this. I have done the ra course in the past and the trust yourself course, maybe it’s time to revisit them.
Julia I sort of feel similarly with my partner right now.
Read my response to Julia as it applies to you as well. x
Go through both courses again. And again. It takes a long time to reclaim self-trust and rewire the habitual response, which is to misinterpret the body’s signals. You have a feeling (fear, discomfort, vulnerability, grief), and then you interpret that feeling as “this isn’t right.” The fault line is in the interpretation, NOT the body’s messaging system.
I listened to the Brenè Brown episode with Amy Cuddy where pandemic flux syndrome was mentioned, and my jaw dropped. It put a name to everything I’ve been feeling lately. It’s comforting to know that Sheryl and my fellow HSP’s noticed this as well. And while I do find myself desperate for a change (cutting my long hair, applying for new jobs), these changes I’ve sought have felt so incredibly satisfying. I wonder where that satisfaction plays into all of this. Thanks for this post
I found the podcast profoundly validating as well, Ann.
For some reason I don’t know if my comment uploaded fully but I am very confused by this. I am in the Break free course right now and have been reading about how to detach my thoughts from my body‘s reaction. For me it all started four weeks ago with the thought of “am I happy with my partner truly“, since then I have been spiraling and been feeling the upmost terrible gut wrenching feelings towards my partner. A lot of the take away I am getting from the forum is telling me that my gut feeling is not necessarily true and that it doesn’t mean I “have “to leave my relationship this article is very confusing and rather spiky to me can anyone clarify this more?
I dont know much about your situation, but i do know the “trust your Body”, “trust your gut” triggers very Well.
I suffered for a few years from this and sheryls break free course was very helpful, among other things.
I have also done the trust yourself course, that sheryls talks about in this post and in my opinion it is next level.
You need to be much further in your ra healing to use this wisdom.
Right now your nervous system and your Body is fused with anxiety and therefore there is no space for clarity.
With time clarity Will come.
For me, clarity and fear has slightly different tones even if they both present Themselves as a “gut feeling”.
There is a small part of me that knows if i am in fear or in clarity.
I dont Think i knew that small part in the depth of my anxiety.
For now, if i was you, i would ignore spikes like this, and work on my ra instead. At some point this wisdom Will make sense and you Will be able to receive it.
Sending you all the best in your time of Darkness!
Know that you are a wonderful person, no matter what is happening to you.
Beautiful response, Ctang. Thank you.
I sincerely hope I can take all of your courses in the future Sheryl. I am so grateful for your work– it is exactly what I needed and what so many others need as well.
I’m currently finishing up your Sacred Sexuality course and working through Break Free From Relationship Anxiety. Both have been very helpful and I’d be happy to answer any questions about either for those considering joining 🙂
What a beautiful and generous comment, mountainriver; thank you ❤️🙏🏽❤️
Hi Sheryl! I already took the self-paced trust yourself course earlier this year and I would love to join the moderated course. How can I join? Will I automatically get the emails? Thank you!!
Hi Jill! Kathryn will be sending an email out to anyone who took the self-paced course since the last live round. If you don’t receive it in the next couple of days please email her: [email protected]. See you there :).